Introvert Mamas? - Page 15 - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-14-2009, 11:18 PM
 
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Interesting, I just came across my appointment calendar from when my older kids were little. Evidently, I used to be able to overcome my introvert tendencies on their behalf. This calendar is full of playdates, having kids over to the house, lots of sleepovers at my house with multiple kids (babysitting trades). Another thing that impresses me is the large percentage of tasks that I was checking off [instead of carrying it over to next day as I often do now, if even that].

Little ds is with his dad this weekend - it's a bit of a mixed blessing there, but I'm going to embrace it. And ds1 is out with friends. For the night. Whee! Alone in the house, one of my favorite things to "do" - I'm trying to decide if I should go out. It would probably be fun, and I know I'll see lots & lots of people I know. (Weird sentence, bc if the second part is true, the first part probably won't be .... however maybe I'll be in the mood for people. Doubt it though!)

I think two out of my three kids are extroverts; one is an introvert like me. My mom is a big extrovert. My siblings are mostly extroverts, but one is even more introverted than I am. The ex is extremely extroverted (<he he) and so was my partner before him, usually that's who I have ended up with. I think it's why I know anyone at all.

~~Alley~~
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Old 11-14-2009, 11:35 PM
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recremaicila - I can relate to doing well having people around but not in my business.
Me, too!!

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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Old 11-15-2009, 11:48 PM
 
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recremaicila - yeah! You get a night to yourself if you want. How wonderful!

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 11-18-2009, 03:19 PM
 
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The Introvert's Booklist...maybe this should be a separate thread in the books forum, but wanted to get ya'll take if you've read any of these books:

~The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Olsen Laney Psy.D.
~Solitude: A Return to the Self by Anthony Storr
~Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength by Laurie A. Helgoe
~Living Introverted: Learning To Embrace The Quiet Life Without Guilt by Lee Ann Lambert (Author)
~The Happy Introvert: A Wild and Crazy Guide for Celebrating Your True Self by Elizabeth Wagele
~Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto by Anneli S. Rufus

I've read the one if Green and really want to read The Loner's Manifesto next.

Any reviews or know any good ones to add?

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Old 11-18-2009, 03:22 PM
 
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recremaicila - I can relate to doing well having people around but not in my business.


This is my biggest pet peeve at work.

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Old 11-19-2009, 05:41 PM
 
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Glad to find this tribe. I consider myself an introvert and find the older I get the worse it is and the less socially acceptable it is. People think I am snotty or rude, really I just dont want to talk to anyone!! Dp is an extrovert and doesn't even remotly understand my lack of wanting to socialize. He has a large family and now that I have ds everyone wants us to come to everything! With the holidays coming I fear I will lose my mind! The idle chit chat and all the noise that drives me up a wall! Dp is my person, he is the one I want to talk to, the one I want to spend time with and really very few other people and even then only in small doses. Dp thinks I should make friends....blah not worth the hassle in my book. I have super sensitive hearing so that just adds to my not wanting to spend time in groups. I like people just fine...on my terms!! I do not want them in my space, even my mother has to call before she comes over
Before ds my best freind and companion was my dog, he has since had to take second chair but there is still nothing like taking my dog swimming or hiking all by my lonesome, he never whines or complains and he is beautiful to watch in motion. If only people could be so wonderful!
Ds is only 6mo but is an adorable chubby baby that smiles at everyone....ugh!! "Oh he's so cute!" "look at that smile!" "what a big boy!" meanwhile in my head I am sending out the strongest go away vibes I can. Reading others posts I have no doubt it will be a challenge for me the older ds gets. After all I can't buy a house in the middle of the woods and live there with ds and the dog.....right?
Good to know I am not alone
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Old 11-20-2009, 09:07 PM
 
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I am an INFP and my DH is an ISFP and we have trouble communicating sometimes because we are both so introverted. Our oldest DD is a huge Extrovert and that is hard for us sometimes because we have to be more social than we would like to be. Our youngest DD is an Introvert like us and a huge homebody. Sometimes I love being an Introvert because I feel like I notice a lot of things that Extroverts don't and I love simple things like alone time, reading, taking a bubble bath, journaling, walking alone etc. I like quiet activities. Sometimes being an Introvert is hard though because it seems like so many people are Extroverts and that is what is expected. I have a very hard time with small talk with strangers...sometimes I can barely make myself do it. I am very reserved and shy as well as being an Introvert and I really only talk when I have something I really want to share, otherwise I like to just sit back, people watch and take everything in.

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Old 11-20-2009, 11:53 PM
 
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sharkysmom and ANewDay

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 11-21-2009, 07:14 AM
 
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I've been wondering how much of my introversion is a product of my upbringing. I know I started out this way, and I could have dealt with things by being more extroverted (like my sister did) but I didn't have the best childhood. I will spare the details, but I really never felt protected. For some reason I put a lot of pressure on myself to keep everything together. I felt like everyone was so messed up, I had to be the good one. Maybe it was easier for me to protect myself by not letting many other people in. I don't think I ever would have been extremely extroverted anyway. I'm just pondering the nature vs. nurture of it.
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Old 11-21-2009, 02:58 PM
 
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I'm sure our upbringing affects us, but like you said, I think we're born introverted or extroverted. I used to think my problem was more due to lack of confidence after a childhood of being judged harshly, but as I've grown in confidence as an adult, I realize I do things the way I do more because I'm introverted. For instance, I used to think I was afraid to speak for fear of being judged, but now I realize I'm just slower to formulate a response (and then the topic has moved on) or the topic is disinteresting small talk in which I don't care to engage. Those are both introverted tendencies.

Michele, mom of DD 5/01, DD 11/03, and DS 11/06

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Old 11-22-2009, 09:12 PM
 
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I think introvert/extrovert is mostly an inborn characteristic. However, I think if we are raised by extroverts in an extroverted society, some of us can hack it for awhile and pretend to be extroverted. Or perhaps we may harbor the desire to be extroverted without the means of doing so sustainably.

I seem to having trouble lately balancing my needs for alone time with my needs for companionship. I find myself often doing service work to help feed my needs for socializing activities while maintaining my distance. However, the past few days I am noticing more and more how this isn't really giving me what I truly want.

I am lonely today. A friend and church board colleague of mine died last week and it brought up a lot for me to consider. He was our board president, definitely an extrovert, but not the kind that would ramble all over someone. I am finding that I have a name for what I have been craving in addition to my alone time the past few months: community. The service work helps, but I really do like to be with friends some times. And I find that although I have many acquaintances, I feel like I have very few friends to call upon. And most of them are so busy with their own lives, I still feel all on my own.

All my family lives far away so I do not have an extended family readily available. I find myself vacillating between wanting to be social and wanting my own time to think. The main trouble seems to come in where I need to balance these needs along with the needs of my family and family life. I am always there for everyone in our family. And often for friends as well.

I want some sort of active communion with other people, as when musicians play together or such. I wish my piano playing or singing were stronger so I could join in with them for a time. I am an artist and often find that when I do finally get some art time it is all alone time. Often, this is OK. However, I saw on my Facebook pages that a distant friend is doing collaborative work with another artist. That seems interesting to me, too. But so far, I only seem to find people who want me to teach them to do art, or dance or such. I am tired of feeling like I always have to lead everything but I don't know how or am afraid to ask for help or inclusion.

I guess I really just want to feel like I belong somewhere for a change. I often feel like I am on the outside, looking in at the people who seem to connect so easily to one another. I am not sure I know how to do this.

Part of this may be introversion, though I suspect there is more to it than that. At times, I feel stuck inside my own physical body, like my spirit or mind wants to dance and shout and move, but I just sit there, stuck, unable to give in to the desire, like a prisoner in my own skin.

I'm rambling now. Perhaps I should take some of this to my writer's group.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 11-23-2009, 12:58 AM
 
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Maybe you could start your own collaborative art group. You could ask applicants to answer a few questions or submit photos of their work. Then you could approve the number of people you'd like to work with at the right skill level. Sounds like fun to me
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Old 11-23-2009, 11:49 AM
 
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In regards to the nature/nurture thing I do think you are born with introvert/extrovert personalities and your life experience just fine tunes them. I had a terrible adolescence and felt very misunderstood, did poorly in school, and got in A LOT of trouble!! As an adult looking back though I see a lot of my troubles were frustration and not having my needs met. I was not the type of kid who thrived(I barely survived)in a classroom setting or with many people being in charge of me(teachers). Being forced in that situation every day was torture! Feeling shamed or not normal because I didnt seem to fit in anywhere and I didnt want to go to the dances or the after school activities, or put makeup on and chat with all the other girls, I wanted to go play in the woods with my best friend. I am thankful for my experiences because they have made me who I am today and I think in the long run (at 32) I can finally begin to appreciate who I really am!
Someone told me that a mom they knew was forcing their 8yo child to go to a birthday party because they felt he needed to socialize. That is how most of us were probably brought up, thinking there was something wrong with our isolating ways, so instead of being able to embrace them and let our imaginations grow we were forced into extroverted atmospheres that only made us more akward and unsure.
One of my biggest concerns is that I will do this to my child that I will try to mold him in my likeness, I hope I can get outside of my own ego and will and just let my child be exactly who he is....I just hope he's not an extrovert
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Old 11-23-2009, 09:24 PM
 
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I'm pretty sure that I am codependent along with being an introvert. Reading Melody Beattie now. Time for some painful, yet cathartic, self discovery. *sigh*
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Old 11-24-2009, 09:38 PM
 
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sharkysmom- it def. gets tougher as the kids get older. My older DD is 5 now and in school and so now I have to deal with teachers, her friends parents etc. I know it sounds bad but I really hate having to take her to b-day parties and socializing with other parents. It is soo hard for me. DD is super social though so I do it for her. DH is the same as me and absolutely hates having to socialize so we usually go together and just take our youngest and play with her and look like we are busy so we don't have to talk to many people lol. Having a DH that is super Introverted helps in some aspects because he gets me wanting to stay home and me being so reserved and quiet. He is the only person I am loud with though...most people prob. don't know I nag so much lol.

shannoneileen- I am codependent too. That is a good and helpful book. I also recently read The Introvert Advantage and that also helped me.

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Old 11-24-2009, 09:41 PM
 
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Anyone have any tips on how to interact with other parents at school functions, birtday parties etc? I am really good at interacting with teachers because it feels businesslike and we are talking about my DD lol but I dread having to talk to other parents. I am just so shy and have a really hard time. It makes me feel like a kid on the first day of school. Anyone have any tips on how to deal with this issue? It is not that I hate people or am rude I just have a hard time making small talk, making new friends etc.

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Old 11-29-2009, 06:52 PM
 
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The Introvert Advantage. Cool. I'll have to check that out.

Beautiful~Life, I'm not very good at small talk either, with other parents, so I cannot really offer any advice other than just be yourself. Be true to your nature.
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Old 11-29-2009, 09:03 PM
 
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I am thinking about throwing myself a party - a low-key, come-as-you-are, appetizers-only, open house type of party - for my birthday.

After losing two friends to death in the past month, I am feeling the need to connect more with the living. However, my b-day comes on a Thursday when my DH's company planned their holiday party. (Ugh.) I am thinking about doing my open-house type party the following Saturday, and though I like the idea of it, I'm worried about having too many things going on in a short time frame. I also have a board meeting at church that Sunday.

I don't like the idea of going to the holiday party for DH's work, and he is willing to not go for me. But they don't do much outside of work, and I think it would mean a lot to him if I did go. I just wish they didn't schedule it on my birthday. I hate that. Other peoples' holiday plans messing up my b-day. Grr.

I just wonder if I might be setting myself up for some freakout time later on if I try to do all of this. But I am tired of always doing what must be done (socially and otherwise) out of duty and then neglecting myself until I pop.

Introverted or not, I do still need some social interaction and I would like it to be on my terms. So I think I will proceed with planning my little gathering. I'm just not sure what to do about the holiday party thing.

I would get a free fancy Italian meal out of it with DH (and a bunch of high power professionals I don't know well or relate to much as a SAHM/artist; DH is a programmer and considers himself a peon). And we'd need to get a babysitter and I would have to drive into the city at the end part of rush hour. His company is small so that part is good, and the people I have met are nice. But I hate the whole question: so what do you do? What do I do? I run a household, drive my kid around, play family psychologist and try to somehow get some artwork done while remodeling the house and doing laundry.

I have to decide on the holiday party by Monday for RSVPs. DD wants the computer now, so I'll take that as my cue to get off here.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 12-01-2009, 06:01 PM
 
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After some soul-searching about what was really bugging me about going to DH's work party, I've decided to go. And I also decided to have a party for my birthday. Maybe I'm a little crazy. Or maybe I'll enjoy the b-day gathering at least, and a free Italian meal downtown with DH, then sequester myself alone for 3 days afterward. We'll see. Guess I'd better clean the house if we'll be having some friends dropping by.

At least the b-day gathering will be on my terms.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 12-03-2009, 02:14 PM
 
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In response to an earlier post, I read Party of One, The Loner's Manifesto. The introduction was great, and two or three chapters were helpful. But I felt like most of the book had an "us versus them" tone that I really didn't care for. I'd like more understanding from extroverts, but the air of superiority in the book seemed devisive to me. Too much time was spent on topics like "popular culture". Okay, so Peter Parker (Spiderman) is an introvert - I guess I'm supposed to feel better knowing that....
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Old 12-03-2009, 11:17 PM
 
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Starflower, I hope you enjoy your socializing. I am trying to decide what to do for my birthday too. I usually just go out for dinner with the husband, but I'd kind of like to be with some friends this year. I was thinking open house style, low key party too, but I don't know if I really want to stretch it out for that long. Sometimes I get really wigged out having lots of people at my house. I feel like I have to entertain and we don't have enough seating and my house has too many tiny doorways and I don't want to feel drained afterwards.

I think my favorite thing is going out with just a few people for drinks and conversation, or breakfast! That could be fun. I would love to go out to a concert, but that wouldn't lend itself to talking to anyone and not everyone would want to do that. It is typical of me to make this way too complicated and not be able to make up my mind until everyone has other plans already.
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Old 12-04-2009, 05:05 AM
 
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Lucy - I hope you find something you enjoy for birthday. I'm a little leery of how much socializing I have scheduled, especially right after an office party. I kind of go between being social then hiding out and I'm a little concerned my mood may flip to hide-out mode before the party comes.

I suggested long hours for my open house type party because I think it will free up people to come by for a while and leave as they are able. Plus some with kids won't stay that late. Several people cannot make it anyway since they have holiday parties to attend that night. We don't have much furniture or room either, but my friends and I are weird. We like to sit on the floor.

For now, I'm on to worrying about the next thing anyway: possibly foundation issues with part of my house. Ack! DD wants me now. Better get her in bed. DH had to work super late tonight and isn't even home yet.

I hope I don't get booted off the introvert thread for being too chatty.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 12-04-2009, 05:23 PM
 
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I saw a good T-shirt in a catalog today. It read:

You read my T-shirt.
That's enough social interaction for one day.



I may need this shirt after my b-day party and DH's office party.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 12-09-2009, 11:49 PM
 
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Breathing easier over here now. DH and I just canceled our reservation for his company's holiday party. I DH. He's so sweet and understanding.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 12-11-2009, 03:41 PM
 
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In response to an earlier post, I read Party of One, The Loner's Manifesto. The introduction was great, and two or three chapters were helpful. But I felt like most of the book had an "us versus them" tone that I really didn't care for. I'd like more understanding from extroverts, but the air of superiority in the book seemed devisive to me. Too much time was spent on topics like "popular culture". Okay, so Peter Parker (Spiderman) is an introvert - I guess I'm supposed to feel better knowing that....
So, I've gotten through this book.

Like you, I felt like pop culture was a bit overused and it did have an "us vs them" feel, but...

Well, the more I think of the book in LONER terms it resonates for me better.
I mean, you can be an introvert without being a loner and being a loner can REALLY feel like it's "us vs them"....even more so than just being an introvert.
And with re: pop culture. I guess I kind of see using all those references because that's what (totally IMO) loners identify with the best because, and she lays this out better in the book, pop culture is almost a life line to mainstream life for these types of people....it's their "pseudo social circle".
Also, I think she was attempting to point out that while society worships these people as screen heros they don't understand that they're created (sometimes...mostly) BY real life loners. Trying to portray loners as creaters, symbols, etc. YKWIM? Does that make sense?

I feel like if your just an introvert then you might get a little something out of this book, but if your a full blown loner then you might get even more out of it, feel some of your identity from it.

This book really was a manifesto. It definetly wasn't along the same lines of Introvert Advantage or aka "I'm an introvert; help me and others understand me"
Like I said, trifle information for the common introvert, but a Declaration of Independance for the loner!

On to reading The Happy Introvert.

Internal peace and to you all!!

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Old 12-11-2009, 03:42 PM
 
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I saw a good T-shirt in a catalog today. It read:

You read my T-shirt.
That's enough social interaction for one day.



I may need this shirt after my b-day party and DH's office party.
ROFLMAO.

I saw a coffee cup that said soemthing like that
"You've read my mug. That's enough interaction for one day"

I really wanted to get it for work!!!!!


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Old 12-15-2009, 05:13 PM
 
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That would make an excellent work mug! lol

I survived my party. Not many people came which was somewhat disappointing since one of those people was someone I'd really wanted to see. But then again, I didn't get completely overwhelmed by tons of people at once.

People just dropped in for a few minutes on their way to or from other events and then they left. This made most of their time "small talk" rather than real conversation which was disappointing and uncomfortable, but I did get to reconnect with a friend I hadn't seen for a year or two. That was cool. And two families came with their kids and stayed for long haul, but that was mostly it.

I had been looking forward to the gathering and was kind of surprised how anxious I felt. Probably should not have been surprised.

I think December in general just stresses me out. DH too. I'm just relieved I finally had the guts to tell my parents "no" when they offered to buy us plane tickets to go see them and the rest of my extended family for Christmas. I told them we'd visit another time and that it was just too much during the holidays.

Anyone else find this time of year particularly stressing?

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 12-15-2009, 09:20 PM
 
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Hi!
Just jumping in to say, 'yeah it's a stressful time of year'.
I'm so well organized this year and ready to go but I still feel under a tremendous amount of pressure and anxiety.
Can't wait til it's over.

and
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Old 12-15-2009, 11:53 PM
 
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I just discovered this area of the forum, and I'm glad I found a tribe like this.

I was just talking with my 15 and 18 year old Sils, they were saying that on vacations they don't feel the need of going out or have contact with their friends. They said that they preferred to spend time with family and at home. All the talk reminded me of myself at that age, I hated to think that I had to get ready to go to a party or with "friends" and when I did I felt so exhausted that I need to spend some time alone. Usually it took me time to recover.

Now as an adult I try to avoid social situations and thankfully DH is the same way. Heck he's even known for that, DD is the same way. She likes to play by herself and when other kids come she enjoys watching them play. But she won't play with them, I used to be the same way.

During the holidays, I try to relax and see the positive sides of spending it with other people. My mom and I used to spend our holidays alone until she got married again. And it's not the bad, but the first Christmas that I spent with others besides her was a bit overwhelming.

This year on the 24th friends are coming over and on Christmas day MIL, SILS and my parents are coming and that's it. New Year is going to be quiet, my mom is going to Canada with my stepdad and MIL is going to Illinois. So we are going to be alone with the baby.

Oh and not to mention that this year lots of family members want to meet DS.

Bethsy, mamma to Leonor (4) and Owen JR (11/15/09), wife to Owen (10/12/03)
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Old 12-16-2009, 04:19 AM
 
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Just checking in with a "Bah humbug."


I don't really dislike Christmas but dh's family is huge and the love each other and I have to spend WAY to much time with them at Christmas.


So "bah humbug."
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