Introvert Mamas? - Page 19 - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-15-2010, 04:05 PM
 
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Originally Posted by olliepop View Post
Hi. Definitely an Introverted Mom of 2. I have a 6 year old dd who has Selective Mutism and I've often wondered if it's a somewhat extreme case of introversion.

Anyway, I've been lurking for two days now and decided to finally come out of hiding with a question.

The other day I mentioned to friends that I like going to the movies alone. They thought it was the most bizarre thing they'd ever heard. I explained that if DH and I have a chance to go out w/o dc, we pick going to dinner (where we can talk) over a movie. Also, I find it exhausting having to talk about a movie afterwards -- my dh and I went to the movies with another couple once and all they did was dissect and discuss every single thing when all I wanted to do was digest it.

There are only a few movies I like to see in the theater (the rest I can wait for and watch with DH on DVD) and when I do go alone, I love not having to chat before the movie starts or discuss when it ends. I didn't think there was anything weird about it. You're not supposed to talk during the movie anyway, so why is it a big deal?

My friends thought I was crazy. So please tell me that at least some of you like to go to the movies alone.

Hi olliepop, I can totally relate to this. I don't go to the movie theatre that much anymore, but when I used to go, I went by myself, most of the time. Part of the reason I went by myself was because I didn't really have any friends with whom to go and the other reason was simply because I liked going by myself and didn't really consider it to be weird. I've been going to the movies, by myself, ever since I was a teenager, and I never thought it was odd. I used to be a cinephile, so I would go to the movies on a regular basis and I would rent videos, alot. During college, when I met my boyfriend, he and I would go to the movies, together, but I would go alone, if he wasn't available. He and I would watch a movie and then talk about the storyline and characters. One thing that I did enjoy about going to see a movie, at the theatre, was the shared movie experience that came from being in a packed theatre. Oh, I also had selective mutism when I was in high school. There was one class in particular, in which I wouldn't say anything, and the teacher would get really annoyed and pick on me. Most of the other students seemed extroverted or at least more socially adept than me, so they had no problem participating. So the teacher thought I was odd.

To HappilyEvrAfter, I also don't mind going to eat by myself, but when I do that, it's usually at a coffee shop, because I like the idea of being in a cozy atmosphere and usually people will go to coffee shops by themselves, anyway, so they can get a bite to eat and read or do work. When I was in college, a coffe shop opened up in town, and I would go there by myself, and get a bite to eat and work on school assignments. I really liked doing that.
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Old 03-15-2010, 04:48 PM
 
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We were chatting about the Twilight movies the other day and a girl I work with said it would be great if we all planned a big premier trip to see New Moon. I totally cringed inside and acted like I had other plans that weekend.

I did the same thing. I passed on a big New Moon Premiere movie trip with the girls and went alone the following Saturday morning. It was fantastic. Besides I definitely like to be alone w/Edward. LOL

Baking,, Chuck Taylor Wearing, , SAHMom of 2.
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Old 03-15-2010, 05:00 PM
 
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I did the same thing. I passed on a big New Moon Premiere movie trip with the girls and went alone the following Saturday morning. It was fantastic. Besides I definitely like to be alone w/Edward. LOL
I really meant to say the Eclipse premier, but sounds like you know what I was trying to say.
Sorry, I get all obsessively excited about Twilight.

TTE!! (Totally Team Edward) ^5

/threadjack over


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To HappilyEvrAfter, I also don't mind going to eat by myself, but when I do that, it's usually at a coffee shop, because I like the idea of being in a cozy atmosphere and usually people will go to coffee shops by themselves, anyway, so they can get a bite to eat and read or do work. When I was in college, a coffe shop opened up in town, and I would go there by myself, and get a bite to eat and work on school assignments. I really liked doing that.
Oh, I love doing this too. I can even go to these places to sit and just watch people for hours. Not in the creepy, stalker, "watching people" way....you know what I mean. Lol.

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Old 03-15-2010, 05:04 PM
 
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Whew! Just relieved to know I'm not the only one.

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Oh, I also had selective mutism when I was in high school. There was one class in particular, in which I wouldn't say anything, and the teacher would get really annoyed and pick on me. Most of the other students seemed extroverted or at least more socially adept than me, so they had no problem participating. So the teacher thought I was odd.
FallenofTrack, I would love to talk to you more about SM some time. Kindergarten was a tough year for dd, but she's doing so much better now that she's in first grade.

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Old 03-15-2010, 08:04 PM
 
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Oh, I love doing this too. I can even go to these places to sit and just watch people for hours. Not in the creepy, stalker, "watching people" way....you know what I mean. Lol.
To HappilyEvrAfter, I know exactly what you mean. As a matter of fact, sometimes when I go to a coffee shop to read or get some work done, I end up being distracted by what is going on around me. Take today for example, I went to Dunkin Donuts with my textbook, with the objective to study and take some notes, but the place was sort of busy so that ended up being a distraction. Some other posters have mentioned being sensitive to their environment, and I think that I am also like that. I can usually study in coffee shops but it has to be at a time when the place isn't very busy with customers. So about half an hour after going to Dunkin, I had to come back home because I wasn't getting any studying done.

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FallenofTrack, I would love to talk to you more about SM some time. Kindergarten was a tough year for dd, but she's doing so much better now that she's in first grade.
To olliepop, sure, and that's good that your daughter is doing better now. As I had said in my previous post, I showed signs of selective mutism when I was in high school. My situation was that in addition to being introverted, I always had a shy streak, and when I transferred to a new high school for sophomore year, the environment was very different from my previous high school, and the attitudes of the people were much different. Also, I was mostly placed in advanced placement classes and most of the other students who were in those classes were a lot more outgoing and extroverted than I was, and most of them had known each other for years, so I definitely felt strange being around those students. I really dreaded going to the AP classes because of the differences in my personality compared to theirs. I ended up not really talking to any of those students for the years that I was at that high school. However, I did talk to some of the students that were in the regular, college prep courses. I felt much more comfortable around the college prep students and I actually participated in the college prep courses. The teacher that I had for the advanced placement courses would have been greatly shocked to see the difference in my level of participation in the college prep courses.
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Old 03-15-2010, 10:28 PM
 
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I like to go to the movies by myself, but I don't very often. Not sure why not. If the theater is busy, it makes me want to avoid it.

I also like to go out to eat alone. I do this quite a bit, but I just really like eating food I didn't have to prepare or clean up after.

I do have a weekly(ish) lunch date with one friend which I usually enjoy though she is usually a bit rushed. Last week, she asked if she could bring her mom and sister. I'd met them both before. I can handle her mom (I think she may be another introvert). But that day, I should've just gone by my instincts and just canceled our plans. I was way stressed from the small talk with her sister. Part of it was introvert stuff, part of it was trying to make small talk with someone so different from me.

I have been feeling mostly peopled out all weekend. I am hoping to get a break tomorrow.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 03-15-2010, 10:47 PM
 
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subbing!
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Old 03-18-2010, 07:24 PM
 
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MPJJJ -

I finally got some time to myself this afternoon. So I decided NOT to spend the whole time cleaning or trying to improve my household or myself for a change.

Instead, I watched "Little Miss Sunshine" on a DVD all by myself.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 03-21-2010, 02:19 PM
 
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I just found you all.

I found out I was an INTJ during college and then everything began to make sense. I took it again in grad school and it still fits.

Basically how this is impacting my life is I had to move. I'm getting divorced. I moved to be near my sister. (crazy idea, thought she would HELP me, but she's not really a help. LOL) and now I'm here in a military town and my kids hate it. THey miss their friends and I only know the ppl where I live who are mostly down on their luck people addicted to substances. (the ones I've met) and friends of my sisters who are not my kind of friends. (Drink too much and are too foward and joke about private things, tell stories about matters that are NC 17. LOL)

So anyhow, I make friends really slow. I've even considered getting a J-O-B.

Oh well, I have my two dogs.

I also go out to eat BY myself. Shocking I know. TOok myself to Red lobster for just an appetizer for lunch. I don't think it's weird to take oneself to a nice restaurant for lunch but whatever. I usually take a planner or something or a book to make it look like it's a working lunch because ppl get that.

My stbx already has a gf and I haven't even like had a date. I've had booty call offers, (charming) but mainly I'm just looking for someone to eat salad with and have a good conversation about something intellectual.

On the New Moon side bar...my sister invited us to a New Moon party at her house and then cancelled it. I rented it and called her and she said she had already bought it and wasn't up to it. WTH? I'm really trying here to be social.

So dd, ds, and I watched it together, mocking it as we may because we are fans of the books but dd really objects to all the mass marketing.

I admit I cried. Because I'm a loner like Bella right now, wishing I had a motorcycle to ride.
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Old 03-21-2010, 02:31 PM
 
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Welcome from another INTJ.

I eat at restaurants by myself too, and I like it.

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

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Old 03-21-2010, 05:54 PM
 
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Welcome, Labbemama!

And I have a weird FB observation: One of my FB friends, who is an extroverted acquaintance friend IRL, posts a lot. I'm used to this and don't mind, but I now I think she might have some serious boundary issues. She had her anniversary with her DH yesterday and they had lots of special plans. (Cool, nice to share stuff like that.) But what I found odd was that she posted from the ballet - twice. Then she posted photos of her DH, of the table with the rose petals and wine glasses and some other stuff - sent via mobile phone during her date with her DH. I wouldn't think this was odd if she did this after the fact, but it seemed weird to me to invite all her FB friends to share in her anniversary during the events.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 03-21-2010, 06:53 PM
 
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Hello, Everyone

I haven't read all the previous posts, but saw the thread title while looking through forums and decided I need to post here more regularly. Dh and I are extremely introverted. The 1st thread post quote describes us perfectly! The problem we have is that our ds is an extreme extrovert! How this happened we'll never know . He is 4 yo and ALWAYS wants to be around other people and talking, talking, talking. He comes alive and seems to be floating on a cloud when around others. It wasn't that difficult to deal with before, but now that he's 4, it's becoming a more difficult task. It's hard for me to do the whole small-talk stuff that the mamas on our block seem to love doing. I mean I like them all, but I seem to shut down when in this type of situation. Does anyone have this concern ? How do you deal with it without letting more extroverted people think you're just plain unsocial ? TIA

Kate

Kate, Wife to DH and Mommy to a 5yo lovin' DS; three angels 4/08 9/08 3/10 in Heaven,
waitin' for my baby

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Old 03-22-2010, 12:07 PM
 
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Hello, Everyone

I haven't read all the previous posts, but saw the thread title while looking through forums and decided I need to post here more regularly. Dh and I are extremely introverted. The 1st thread post quote describes us perfectly! The problem we have is that our ds is an extreme extrovert! How this happened we'll never know . He is 4 yo and ALWAYS wants to be around other people and talking, talking, talking. He comes alive and seems to be floating on a cloud when around others. It wasn't that difficult to deal with before, but now that he's 4, it's becoming a more difficult task. It's hard for me to do the whole small-talk stuff that the mamas on our block seem to love doing. I mean I like them all, but I seem to shut down when in this type of situation. Does anyone have this concern ? How do you deal with it without letting more extroverted people think you're just plain unsocial ? TIA

Kate
Hi, lovbeingamommy, I can relate to you. Me and my boyfriend are extreme introverts, but our two year old daughter seems to be outgoing and very extroverted. On the occasions when we do go out, which aren't many, she doesn't hesitate to run up to people and give a wide smile. She just really seems to love being around other people. I'm not all that great at small talk either. If I am talking to someone, I really have to think about what I want to say, so the conversation ends up stalling, until I've given enough thought to the question or comment I want to add. On some occasions, I'd actually rather have the person think that I am unsocial, simply because I might not want to really talk to that person in the first place, so my introverted behavior actually helps me out on those occasions.

I have a question. How many of you have a difficult time being assertive? I know that introverts are less likely to be assertive, and I've realized this about myself. I have usually been passive, passive aggressive, and once in a while, I have been aggressive, but I have always lacked assertiveness. I think that this also goes to the issue of introverts having to really think about what they want to say, so being assertive would be more difficult for us.
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Old 03-23-2010, 01:46 AM
 
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I've always considered my difficulty at being assertive more of a product of an emotionally abusive upbringing. That and being a product of the public school system which seemed to reward herd behavior. Between the two, I did not end up that assertive. But I am getting much better than I used to be at being assertive.

I suppose being an introvert may have had a bit to do with it as well. But I think it was a combination of things.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 03-23-2010, 01:48 AM
 
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I thought this link about a study of people who had deep, substantive conversations being generally happier than people who just engaged with chit-chat might be interesting to people:

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/0...eply-be-happy/

Don't know that it was a great study or anything and I can't tell from the article if they differentiated between introverts and extroverts, but I do like that someone is at least thinking about it and wanted to study it.

There is a link to the study in the blog piece.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 03-23-2010, 11:36 AM
 
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I've always considered my difficulty at being assertive more of a product of an emotionally abusive upbringing. That and being a product of the public school system which seemed to reward herd behavior. Between the two, I did not end up that assertive. But I am getting much better than I used to be at being assertive.

I suppose being an introvert may have had a bit to do with it as well. But I think it was a combination of things.

Starflower, I agree with your opinion that it is a combination of things. I had a similar experience of emotional abuse and also physical abuse. So I didn't really learn to speak up for myself, in the right way, until just a couple of years ago, when I learned about the different forms of communication. That's when I realized that for the most part, I have always been pretty passive, bottling up my feelings until I finally explode. Now, I am learning that I need to just say what I feel, in a constructive way, instead of letting things build up over time.
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Old 03-23-2010, 02:04 PM
 
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FallenofTrack - Sorry you had to deal with abuse in your upbringing, too. I learned to become invisible to avoid physical abuse. My brother got that instead because he never kept quiet.

It's been hard to learn to be more assertive. Especially because I react physically to conflict or to the threat of conflict. I am good about being assertive in my family with DH and all. But I have trouble dealing with my parents still and I am almost 40. Getting better though.

________________________________
Book comment:

I've been reading "The Introvert Advantage" and have been enjoying it. Except for one thing that's been bugging me.

I'm sure it was the publisher who probably chose to do this, but there are a lot of blue sidebar type boxes in this book. I am a very visual person and I cannot read past them very well which means that they kind of "interrupt" me what I am trying to read. The author put everything into such tight segments anyway, I find the sidebars to be rather disjointing.

But the info is good and I am finding a lot of stuff I can relate to. I just read the part about working and though I do not work outside the home at this point, I think I had already figured out most of her suggestions on my own.

I can see that I still could benefit from more planning/trade-offs of events to keep from getting overstimulated. I've known this for a while, but it seems like things tend to get bunched up in my schedule - especially certain weeks or on weekends. Then I end up needing a few days to wind down from all the craziness. I think this is especially important for me to consider as we homeschool with DD.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 03-23-2010, 06:02 PM
 
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Hi, Starflower. I am the same. I am good at being assertive when it comes to conversing on different issues with my boyfriend. But I become timid when it comes to my mother. She has a way of communicating that really makes me feel unsure of myself. We don't see each other that much, so I don't have to deal with it all the time, but when I do see her, if we start talking about something that she feels strongly about or if she really wants me to listen to what she is saying, I tend to feel overpowered. I used to lose my ability to really form coherent sentences, sometimes, when I was around my mother, but I've gotten somewhat better at expressing myself around her.

I read The Introvert Advantage, a while ago, and then lent it to someone else whom I thought would be interested in it, so I don't remember the formatting of the book, but I did enjoy reading it. I also recently read Introvert Power, and thought that was also a good read. Introvert Power definitely is about empowering introverts and I like the fact that the author does cover some ground about how introverts can be more assertive and tips on how to communicate our needs. I also like the fact that she pointed out that it is ok to change your mind, and you don't always have to be in a rigid mindset about every day things. And if you do change your mind on something, how to present that to someone else without coming across as apologetic

Another book that I came across, while doing a search online, is the book The Shy Writer. From what I have read about the book, it seems like the main objective is to empower writers who are shy/introverted, and to stop feeling ashamed about those personality traits. I am going to see if this one is at my local library.
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Old 03-23-2010, 11:33 PM
 
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I wonder if the Shy Writer would be relevant to artists who hate schmoozing. Let me know what you think of the book.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 03-24-2010, 04:42 PM
 
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I have a tribe!

Hi, lovely mamas, I'm new here and so thrilled to have found you all.

My name is Denise, and I'm a lifelong introvert. Now that I'm in my late 40s, I'm finally, finally starting to realize that there is nothing wrong with me--this is just the way I am, and it's okay. I read about 20 pages of this thread, and I could relate so much to all of you.

I am not at all shy (I wait tables part-time in a busy restaurant), but I absolutely cannot stand small-talk. Give me a topic, like at a book-club meeting or something like that and I'm fine, but as soon as the discussion is over and it's time for coffee and chitchat, I'm out the door. Likewise any situation where I have to schmooze with other people....soccer games, parties, homeschool gatherings, I hate them all and dread them for days. I'll sidle up to a group of moms, wondering, "What on earth are they talking about?" and get close enough to hear inane, boring, shallow gossip about people I don't know. Yep, just as I suspected, so I sidle away and go hang with the kids, and leave at the earliest possible opportunity. They all think I'm weird and anti-social but after four decades of this scenario being repeated over and over again, I'm finally okay with it.

A couple years ago, I took myself on a personal retreat for my birthday. I stayed in a beautiful bed-and-breakfast all by myself. Everyone I know (except for my husband, who knows me by now) thought I was absolutely nuts. It was PURE BLISS, and I'm thinking of doing it again this year.

My husband is an extreme extrovert, and he still sometimes tries to push me into double-dating situations with other couples. But even if I like the other couple, I find those types of evenings to be extremely draining. I always have to force myself to go. I know deep down he wishes I were different, but after 15 years together I think he realizes that no matter what he plans, I'd always, always rather be home with a book.

I just feel like my family is enough. I have my husband, my kids (23, 19, 17 and 8), I have a sister and a mom, and that's plenty of closeness for me. Whatever little bit of socializing I need is satisfied through my job at the restaurant and the couple groups I belong to. It's all good.

Oh yeah, and I hate my phone, too! It's either not charged, or not with me, or I don't answer it. Drives my husband NUTS, LOL.

Looking forward to reading those books everyone's been mentioning.
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Old 03-24-2010, 07:13 PM
 
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pellegrina

I like the idea of your birthday retreat. There is a women's retreat coming up for our church, which I have attended in the past. Though some of it is fun, I usually don't sleep well sharing a room and I feel drained. Even when I am in the mood for social, it's hard. There is opportunity for time on my own, but not the type of time alone I'd like. DH thinks I should go because I could really use a break from daily life with homeschooling, etc. But I might see about having a retreat all to myself instead. Or send DH and DD out camping so I'd have the house to myself. We did this once last year and it was awesome!

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 03-24-2010, 07:24 PM
 
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Hi pellegrina, I am the same with my cell phone. My boyfriend gets annoyed because I never have my phone, right at hand, and it's rarely charged, because I simply don't use it all that often, so once the battery eventually runs out, I don't immediately think to charge it. My boyfriend is usually the one who ends up reminding me that I need to recharge the phone and keep in touch with people, every now and again.
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Old 03-25-2010, 05:30 AM
 
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I also don't carry a cell phone, by choice of course . People bug me about it, but I can't stand the chitty chat stuff I do take it on long trips though in case of emergencies.

What's weird that I've recently noticed is that I feel like I'm more "social" on FB than I've ever been IRL. I guess it's because I'm really not around anyone and can do it on my own terms. It's actually kinda fun

Kate, Wife to DH and Mommy to a 5yo lovin' DS; three angels 4/08 9/08 3/10 in Heaven,
waitin' for my baby

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Old 03-25-2010, 11:13 AM
 
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I'm also introverted as well as shy. I tend to shut down socially in large groups and am terrible at small talk even in small groups with people I've known for years. I'm afraid people either think I'm really boring because I don't say anything, or too intense and earnest when I do talk. Does anyone have any good tips or tricks for making small talk and conversation in casual situations? I run out of things to say after "how are you? how's the goat cheese making (knitting, soap making, gardening, etc.) going?" I need a primer on small talk!
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Old 03-25-2010, 02:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lovbeingamommy View Post
I also don't carry a cell phone, by choice of course . People bug me about it, but I can't stand the chitty chat stuff I do take it on long trips though in case of emergencies.

What's weird that I've recently noticed is that I feel like I'm more "social" on FB than I've ever been IRL. I guess it's because I'm really not around anyone and can do it on my own terms. It's actually kinda fun
I am more social on message boards, blogs, and forums, than I am in real life. I really just like connecting with other people who have similar experiences, so message boards, forums, and blogs, do that for me. I also joined MeetUp.com recently, so that I could find a couple of groups to participate in. However, I don't use the specific social networking sites, all that much, even though I do have a FaceBook account. I thought FB was fun, when I first joined, because I reconnected with some people that I had not talked to since high school, but that was it, so I haven't been on there for a while.
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Old 03-25-2010, 04:32 PM
 
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I'm also much more social online than IRL. Pretty much all my social interaction is on FB, both with friends who now live out-of-state and with my DDC (October '08). DH doesn't get it at all, but he doesn't have to! I'm happy this way.

 reading.gif Wife to DH geek.gif  since 08/06. Mother to Eleanor Rose energy.gif, born 10/12/08.  h20homebirth.gif
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Old 03-25-2010, 10:09 PM
 
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I'm also much more social online than IRL. Pretty much all my social interaction is on FB, both with friends who now live out-of-state and with my DDC (October '08). DH doesn't get it at all, but he doesn't have to! I'm happy this way.
ikwym, I'm completely satisfied socially with being on FB. Most people I see irl, seem very shallow and not too intense with what they believe in.

Kate, Wife to DH and Mommy to a 5yo lovin' DS; three angels 4/08 9/08 3/10 in Heaven,
waitin' for my baby

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Old 03-26-2010, 02:52 AM
 
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karenh

I don't find FB very satisfying. I do like that I can keep up with people's lives without having to have that many IRL conversations with them. I like that I have reconnected with someone I used to have long wonderful conversations with.

I don't get into much of the chit chat aspect of it. Though in some ways I guess it's not as bad as IRL because I can add into the conversation anytime without feeling awkward or just choose not to participate other than reading it.

I also don't like posting much about myself. Basically because I feel like, would I really want to share that with 80+ people? Would they care? But I know in reality if they don't like it they can delete me or hide me. And I've been surprised at what types of things people have responded to on FB.

In general, I prefer the in-depth conversations that happen on MDC, etc. And my lunches in person with my friend.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 03-26-2010, 08:13 AM
 
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Hi everybody,

I think I've finally caught up on reading the thread. I posted WAAAAY back on page 3 or something, but haven't been on MDC much the last few months. It's been a great read, and much to identify with.

I'm all hot and cold on facebook. At times I've been on the verge of deleting my account due to the superficial stuff, but on the other hand, I do use it to keep in touch with friends who are too far away to catch up with. I don't post much personal happenings on there - usually just some random observation I make about something I found amusing.

I've been going through a bit of a crisis of sorts here (which is partly why I've neglected MDC). My regular short "me time" things have been cancelled, so I haven't had much time out lately. Plus, I think that nearly 4 years of intense parenting have caught up with me. But I'm feeling so burnt out. My relationship with dh has suffered because by the time ds is finally in bed, I have no energy for him, I just want personal space. And lately when I've had some babysitting from my mum, I don't want to spend the time with dh, but by myself, or with some other friends who do stuff that I like to do as well. (As a background, dh is 16 years older than me and I like to do very physical things, hence, I have a few friends who are younger who I can do these things with. And after being emotionally drained, there's nothing I'd rather do than get physical.)

I'm wondering whether I'm cut out to have both a dh and a child, with us all living under the same roof. Two intense, needy relationships, and I feel like I'm going under and losing myself. I feel like we're in a pressure cooker, and I just want out. Does anyone else here identify with this? There are surely other factors at play here, not just my introversion and needing more time to myself, but I thought maybe some of you moms might have had these feelings too.

I am also bummed because i thought I might have found a potential new friend to have deep and stimulating conversation with, in a different way to my other close friend irl at the moment. Unfortunately things haven't panned out for various reasons, and I can't help but think that I came on too strong, too intensely, too early in the piece. Have you ever felt a connection with someone that was different to the usual superficial 'friendships' that you get too excited and rush things? That was me. So I am feeling sad about that too, on top of not feeling close to dh right now. <Sigh> Thanks for listening. I'll try to keep a closer track of goings on here now I'm back online a bit.
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Old 03-26-2010, 01:32 PM
 
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I'm wondering whether I'm cut out to have both a dh and a child, with us all living under the same roof. Two intense, needy relationships, and I feel like I'm going under and losing myself. I feel like we're in a pressure cooker, and I just want out. Does anyone else here identify with this? There are surely other factors at play here, not just my introversion and needing more time to myself, but I thought maybe some of you moms might have had these feelings too.
I feel the same way with my boyfriend and our daughter. I am a stay-at-home mom, and basically I spend every day with my daughter, while my boyfriend is at work. My daughter always wants to be around me, so I can't get any time to really think or do something by myself, because she is constantly in my space. I really love my daughter and I am happy that we had her, but this whole experience has taught me that I am not cut out for having more than one child, so this is it in terms of having kids. My relationship with my boyfriend also isn't the best, because he spends a lot of hours at work, and then once he gets home at night, he tends to our daughter, while I organize the apartment, a bit, and then the three of us go to bed, and the whole cycle starts again the next day.

I really do want to start working. I went to college for English Literature, and was interested in doing proofreading/editing. But after thinking more about what I really want to do, I found that I am attracted to the idea of being in a helping profession, so I recently signed up to take an on-line Patient Care Technician course, which will only take a few months to complete. So if that all goes well, and I really enjoy doing that kind of work, then I might try to advance myself in the nursing profession, like my mother did.
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