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#601 of 792 Old 04-09-2010, 05:51 PM
 
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Hi All,

I have been reading through this thread off and on since January, and I finally got caught up, so now to introduce myself.

I am an introvert, but not as extreme as many of you, about 60% introverted. But like many of you, I hate crouds, small talk, and the telephone! I'm also not a mama yet, but we are planning to start TTC next cycle, so hopefully soon!

I resonate with so many things that have been said in this thread. I'm married to another introvert, and we get along pretty well so far. I am somewhat concerned about getting my alone time once I have kids, but I will deal with that when the time comes.

Something I relate to that has been in the recent posts: I also have difficulty with assertiveness and being passive aggressive/bottling things up until I explode. I am having particular trouble dealing with my MIL on this front. She is quite extroverted. She lives across the country but still wants to be in constant contact with me and DH. For example, this winter she was sending us e-mails every few days, with just chit-chatty small talk. It got so bad I blocked her e-mail address and asked her to only send me letters! They are still all small talk, but at least they are less frequent.

I can do small talk in small doses with people I also have meaningful conversations with, but I have never yet had a meaningful conversation with my MIL. Every time I try to steer the conversation towards deeper issues, she either goes silent or changes the subject. And she has no discretion about personal issues and privacy. I have to spell out what is private and not to be shared.

O.k. sorry for the rant. I needed to vent.

I'm also an empath, like some people were talking about earlier. I can sense when someone is in denial about certain feelings/issues, even if they are acting happy. hijack over.

I'm trying these days to embrace my introversion and not over commit myself, but it can be hard. I have so appreciated reading about other people who are like me, and I hope to be more of a participant now that I am "caught up" on what is going on.

Oh! and I read Introvert Power and loved it. I looked through Introvert Advantage, but I also found the formatting annoying. It really bugged me that all the text was blue instead of black. And after reading in Introvert Power about how introverts make up at least half the population, it was discouraging and frustrating to read a book perpetuating the idea that we are only 1/4 to 1/3 of the population.

One more thing: I'm worried about being pregnant and having strangers coming up to me to offer advice, ask nosy questions, or touch my belly. I can be a very private person, and I prefer to volunteer personal info, rather than being asked about it. Plus I have a really large "personal space bubble" compared to a lot of other people. I think it comes partly from being an empath. I just need more "breathing room" than most people thing I should.

Any tips on how to keep people from bugging me? I'm thinking of going goth, or wearing a really aggressive top that says something like, "Hands off the Belly!" or "Private Gestation, NO Questions, NO Advice." or "No, I don't want to hear your birth story." or how about: "Let's pretend I'm NOT pregnant, how would you treat me then?" What do you think?

Ru , wife to DH . Astin (4/26/10) & Ember (5/19/10).
I have lost my dreams--Dar Williams
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#602 of 792 Old 04-10-2010, 08:26 AM
 
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#603 of 792 Old 04-13-2010, 02:33 PM
 
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Oh my, the MIL problem..... My MIL also lives in a different state, and issues with her visits were the original reason I joined here. She is very extroverted and pathologically HAPPY!!!! When she and my FIL visit, they stay for weeks. She's nice, but she thinks there's something wrong with me for not being elated about having houseguests. And for not being HAPPY and seeing the silver lining in every situation. Just because she loves cooking for and chatting with a house full of people means I should, too. (The bad part of that idea is that my husband apparently agrees with her.)

As mentioned in a previous post, I'm an INFP, and my husband is an ESTJ. We only just recently found this out. I feel steam-rolled a lot of the time, and I guess that explains it, at least partially.

When my in-laws are here, I often feel that I'm walking a tight rope trying to avoid a total mental breakdown. They're good natured, but very religious and straight laced. They make comments about me attending church (I consider myself a spiritual person, but I don't go to church because it seems more like a social club than worship) and I think that's out of line. It really isn't any of their business. My MIL can be rather condescending about my side of the family, because we are less educated and (gasp!!!!) occassionally have a drink. The ILs really have a "holier than thou" attitude, though I'm sure they'd be shocked to hear that. Their visits are the biggest issue my husband and I fight about. Bottling it up has just about killed me, but he won't talk to them about it. I feel at times that their feelings are more important to him than mine. But since they're all extroverts, maybe that's not really intentional - perhaps he just understands where they're coming from, and doesn't get where I'm coming from. Still hurts, though.
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#604 of 792 Old 04-13-2010, 06:45 PM
 
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Oh my, the MIL problem..... My MIL also lives in a different state, and issues with her visits were the original reason I joined here. She is very extroverted and pathologically HAPPY!!!! When she and my FIL visit, they stay for weeks. She's nice, but she thinks there's something wrong with me for not being elated about having houseguests. And for not being HAPPY and seeing the silver lining in every situation. Just because she loves cooking for and chatting with a house full of people means I should, too. (The bad part of that idea is that my husband apparently agrees with her.)

As mentioned in a previous post, I'm an INFP, and my husband is an ESTJ. We only just recently found this out. I feel steam-rolled a lot of the time, and I guess that explains it, at least partially.

When my in-laws are here, I often feel that I'm walking a tight rope trying to avoid a total mental breakdown. They're good natured, but very religious and straight laced. They make comments about me attending church (I consider myself a spiritual person, but I don't go to church because it seems more like a social club than worship) and I think that's out of line. It really isn't any of their business. My MIL can be rather condescending about my side of the family, because we are less educated and (gasp!!!!) occassionally have a drink. The ILs really have a "holier than thou" attitude, though I'm sure they'd be shocked to hear that. Their visits are the biggest issue my husband and I fight about. Bottling it up has just about killed me, but he won't talk to them about it. I feel at times that their feelings are more important to him than mine. But since they're all extroverts, maybe that's not really intentional - perhaps he just understands where they're coming from, and doesn't get where I'm coming from. Still hurts, though.
Hi, agreenbough. I can kind of relate to you, not in your situation with your in-laws, but with the fact that you're an INFP. I'm an INFP, as well. I also recently took a couple of personality tests to confirm this, and I have also done some reading up on the INFP personality and from everything that I have read, I can totally understand why you would feel steam rolled, alot, especially if your husband is ESTJ. INFP's tend to be more openminded and try to understand where other people are coming from and value connections and harmonious relationships with other people, so to not feel understood is probably very difficult for INFPs. Also, from what I have read, is that INFPs do tend to bottle up their feelings.

In terms of your relationship with your MIL, I think that you need to tell her flat out that you don't appreciate the comments that she makes. You have your preferences and she has hers, and she needs to try to accept that and let things rest, instead of nagging you about your preferences. Also, from what I have experienced with some extroverts, they love to put their two cents in, and don't realize how that can affect other people.
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#605 of 792 Old 04-13-2010, 07:09 PM
 
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(I consider myself a spiritual person, but I don't go to church because it seems more like a social club than worship)


And I'm INFP, too.

Ru , wife to DH . Astin (4/26/10) & Ember (5/19/10).
I have lost my dreams--Dar Williams
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#606 of 792 Old 04-14-2010, 10:44 AM
 
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Mother Cake, I wish I had some advice for you about strangers touching you when you get pregnant. Maybe you'll just be lucky, like I was. I have two children, and while I get creeped out when strangers touch me, I really didn't have a problem with it when I was pregnant. I can't recall a single instance of it happening to me. (whew!!) Maybe I emit some kind of "stay away ray" - haha.
I think my biggest problem being a mother was feeling like I was supposed to socialize with other moms when my kids were small. I had a very difficult time with that. The whole birthday party thing was a major stressor for me, too, whether I was giving the party or just a guest.
My older child is very introverted, possibly even more so than me, but he's a very smart and reasonably well-adjusted person. My younger child is more in the middle of the I/E spectrum.
FallenofTrack, I appreciate your kind words. Having harmonious relationships is really important to me, and I think that's the root of my problem with bottling up my feelings. I've gone along with things I really didn't want to, just so everybody else was happy. I'm finally learning that that really isn't a good way to do things. I guess this is my mid-life crisis - making that effort to be true to myself in the face of reisitance from people who thought they knew me. I thought they knew me, too, so we're ALL confused!!!
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#607 of 792 Old 04-14-2010, 02:15 PM
 
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You know, I don't think anyone touched my belly when I was pregnant either. If they did, they asked permission first and were a friend. Otherwise, I am sure I'd remember.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#608 of 792 Old 04-14-2010, 08:49 PM
 
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When I was pregnant the first time I had a lot of touchers...it was really weird. This second time I don't think anyone touched me. Maybe I was giving off a vibe, lol.

SAHM to DS 12/29/07 and DD 9/15/10 smile.gif
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#609 of 792 Old 04-14-2010, 09:36 PM
 
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Well, it's good to know that it's possible to get through pregnancy without being touched too much. I'll try to work on that vibe.

Ru , wife to DH . Astin (4/26/10) & Ember (5/19/10).
I have lost my dreams--Dar Williams
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#610 of 792 Old 04-15-2010, 11:53 AM
 
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Hello. I am INFP. I feel like I posted on an introvert thread before, but it must have been a different one. I have skimmed over some of this thread and can relate to a lot of it. I have a 7 year old, a 4 1/2 year old and a 14 month old. It seems to be getting harder to figure out friend stuff for the kids these days. I just don't feel comfortable having other kids in my house and am often a bit overwhelmed with the noise and chaos that my own kids create. We don't really have playdates. I try to limit them to the park. Meeting kids at the park and having all of the parents be there works better for me. I also don't trust all of my first graders friends' parents and don't want him going to their houses (not to mention that my 4 1/2 year old would want to go to and it would either be a huge, awful battle with him not to go or me feeling like I'm imposing by having him go).
I need to see if my husband will take the meyers-briggs. We have some communication issues that definitely come back to our personality types. He is an executive chef and works long hours in a crazy environment. He expects quick and precise answers at work and sometimes that happens at home, too. As you may relate to, I am not one to give quick and precise answers. I often just freeze and need to process things for longer than average and that drives him a bit crazy.
I could ramble on forever, but I won't. My work, by the way, is two days a week for four hours each. I am in a Natural History museum library that is not open to the public. It is quite and extremely low stress and I rarely have to deal with people. It doesn't pay much, but it is really good for my sanity. I also read A LOT and have been doing jigsaw puzzles as ways to relax and get myself together after deal with the constant talking and demands of my children.

Marie-Mom to two boys and a girl.
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#611 of 792 Old 04-15-2010, 02:10 PM
 
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marieangela, I do jigsaw puzzles, too - I like that I can just let my mind wander. For that reason alone, it's very relaxing. (I can do a 1000 piece puzzle in two days.)

When my kids were smaller, having their friends over was very stressful for me, too. Mostly from having to deal with their parents (and the phone calls involved). I didn't really feel like I was in a position to discipline other people's kids, even if they were at my house. Now that the kids are older it's a bit better, mainly because they are better able to do their own thing and entertain themselves - and make their own phone calls to make arrangements. Luckily my kids are both pretty low-key, and their friends tend to be that way, too. I personally even found the park to be stressful - I wantd the kids to interact with other kids, but I had ZERO desire to chat with the other mothers.

I've known my MBTI type for years, but only recently had my husband take the Keirsey Temperament Sorter, which is a much shorter test. You can probably find it online. (I found it in the book "Please Understand Me".) Your husband may be more likely to do it since it's a shorter test. My husband seems to be skeptical of the whole thing, and I think he would have lost interest before he got all the way through the MBTI.

Like you, I work part time in a quiet environment. It is enough. My husband is also a person who wants quick answers now, and this difference in our styles has caused and is causing a lot of grief. I tried to explain how being pressured to give quick answers makes my mind go blank and he doesn't get it - he thinks I'm being deliberately difficult. Even though we've been married a long time, he suddenly seems to think my quiet nature and need for alone time are a rejection of him. I guess it's more glaring now that I'm making an effort to understand myself and stand up for my needs. Having never done this in the past (always taking care of the needs of others first and doing what they needed or wanted me to do), maybe he feels like he's a victim of the old "bait and switch". It's a very hard time right now, trying to fight to just be who I am when he only sees it as rejection. And I feel hurt because i thought he understood me, and he obviously doesn't. I usually read a lot, but I've been so distracted by our poor communication issues that I can't keep my mind on a book.
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#612 of 792 Old 04-16-2010, 02:01 AM
 
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marieangela

Whew! I have had a weird day. Was going to sign up DD for a nature based homeschool program for next year. Instead, I got text messages that my bank account was overdrawn. Someone stole our account number somehow and tried to use a fake ID to take out a large sum of money. (Which was only there because we just got our taxes back.)

Ends up they didn't actually get the money out, but the account got flagged and I had to go close it and open up a new one. Now I have to untangle all the mess of the automatic payments on everything. Yeesh. DH has to go in tomorrow to sign papers so he can be on the new account since it was our joint account.

There was also a lot of police activity in our area (very unusual) and I still haven't figured out what all the speeding cop cars were doing. Kind of freaky.

Tonight I went to a belly dance class. I have been dancing for a long time, but I am very rusty so it's a "performance" class, just to get into the swing of things. People seemed nice, but I felt nervous and out of place. Mostly just the usual introvert in a new situation thing, I think. My legs will likely be sore tomorrow. I need to start working out again now that everyone is done being sick.

I feel very scattered today. And kind of nervous. Hopefully I can get some stuff sorted out tomorrow and get things back on track.

This weekend we are set to have a babysitter and DH and I are going to a concert in the city. It's a smaller venue which is nice - a historic theater. (I hate arena concerts.) We rarely ever go on dates so this will be nice, but kind of a "big deal" since it's across the bridge.

The next day DD has her play performance in the morning, earlier than the usual class - we're all night people and DD won't go to sleep with a sitter, so Monday morning should be fun. That was not planned - everything just kind of ended up scheduled back to back. I am trying to not get too much else going on this weekend so I don't get peopled out.

This is as close as I can come to "frazzled" smiley

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#613 of 792 Old 04-17-2010, 02:47 PM
 
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Update: The person who stole our account number did get away with the money. It was their second attempt that didn't work. Still trying to untangle the mess. Yeesh!

Weirdness with friend:

Yesterday, I had lunch with a friend I see about once a week. Lunch went well. We talked about stuff that mattered and she offered to help me out by going to a gyno with me as a support person/second brain so I can finally get some health stuff sorted out. I am grateful for this since sometimes I feel like I can ask all the questions I need of a doc, and sometimes I just can't seem to communicate with them. I really need some good answers before trying any procedures and I feel like I haven't got them yet. My friend is an extrovert and is very good verbally and at negotiations. So she will help me here.

What got weird was when she was dropping me off. I mentioned that DD and I had some mosquito larvae in jars which we were observing and we joked that DD will probably end up being a scientist or something. My friend is going to school now to become a teacher. She works as a para-educator right now with a really good altenrative public school program. She thinks DD would do well in that program. I am mildly interested but we have already decided to homeschool. I thought she knew this, but now she seems to be trying to sell me the program.

I can't think well "on my feet" verbally - especially when I feel upset or flustered. She asked me why I was being defensive because she says she's not trying to tell me what to do, but just wants to make sure I know all my options.

I figured out later that evening why it bugged me so much. If I had said I was going to try PS would she make sure I had checked out all the other options of private schools and homeschooling? I think not. I am not sure if I am explaining this well, but it just seems like if I had signed up with a private school or decided to enroll DD in public school, I wouldn't be getting educational advice. I don't think my friend sees this part of it.

I don't think this is a make or break moment for our friendship (hope not anyway) but I am annoyed with her. Now I have to decide if I want to try to explain why I am annoyed and feeling defensive and see if she will even understand. I don't think I could do this effectively verbally. I could send her an email to clarify - if I could figure out what to say. It's also possible that since I don't always declare things decisively, she thought there was an "in" or that I was unsure of my options. I will probably approach it from this angle and just start making sure that I describe my decisions about things more confidently.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#614 of 792 Old 04-17-2010, 03:57 PM
 
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When people say that they want to make sure you're aware of your options, what they really mean is that they want to make sure you're aware of the option that *they* champion. Obviously you wouldn't need to be made aware of the option that you're already going with. And obviously if the option that a friend advocated and the option that you had chosen were the same option, then they would see no need to preach to the choir. Unless she stays on your case about it or keeps pushing her own educational program on you, I would let it go. If she brings it up again, just smile and say "thank you for your interest, but I've definitely decided to stick with homeschooling. I've done my research and I feel that this is the best option for us." Then change the subject.

I wouldn't strain a relationship with someone who's about to go to the gyn with me.

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

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#615 of 792 Old 04-18-2010, 05:07 AM
 
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When people say that they want to make sure you're aware of your options, what they really mean is that they want to make sure you're aware of the option that *they* champion. Obviously you wouldn't need to be made aware of the option that you're already going with. And obviously if the option that a friend advocated and the option that you had chosen were the same option, then they would see no need to preach to the choir. Unless she stays on your case about it or keeps pushing her own educational program on you, I would let it go. If she brings it up again, just smile say "thank you for your interest, but I've definitely decided to stick with homeschooling. I've done my research and I feel that this is the best option for us." Then change the subject.

I wouldn't strain a relationship with someone who's about to go to the gyn with me.
You stated all of this much better than I did. And yes, I agree. I'm not looking for a fight with her. I guess I was just surprised because we'd been through this before two years ago. Knowing her, my friend probably did think I was unsure on my position and she was likely feeling very enthusiastic about her latest projects/school stuff. If it comes up again, I'll let her know we're firm on our decision. She backed off last time, though I did have to be quite direct with her. I often times have difficulty being direct with people. But I am working on it.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#616 of 792 Old 04-18-2010, 06:38 PM
 
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Look what I found at Cafe Press! Perfect for a pregnant introvert.

Starflower: I hear you about having trouble being direct. I have a similar issue--I'll be indirect for a while, but if people don't get it, I'll get fed up and then be too direct, and leave them wondering WTF? Because they really didn't get my hints, and so my irritation seems uncalled for (to them).

Good luck working things out with your friend in a way that is comforatble for both of you.

Ru , wife to DH . Astin (4/26/10) & Ember (5/19/10).
I have lost my dreams--Dar Williams
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#617 of 792 Old 04-20-2010, 01:41 AM
 
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Cool shirt, Mother Cake!

I got a phone message from my friend today. She got in touch with her gyno for me. I'm not too worried about the school stuff. Usually I can just bean dip people about it and not get too flustered. I think I was just feeling really sensitive after going through the mess with the stolen bank account number. Sigh. We're still untangling that mess.

But at least I have a ref for a doctor from someone who knows what I am looking for in a doc - and someone to go with me as an advocate.

I've been pretty social lately, I guess. This morning DH and I watched DD in a play for the end of her homeschool drama class. Then I spent several hours with an old friend I hadn't seen since September. She's had one of the procedures that was recommended to me. And gave me the name of a doctor to avoid. Mostly we just caught up with one another, went thrift shopping and had dinner. It was fun and I'm so glad I got to spend a lot of time with her.

But I think tomorrow will probably be a good day for keeping to myself.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#618 of 792 Old 04-22-2010, 12:28 AM
 
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OK. I think I was too social over the weekend and on Monday. I've been having major anxiety all day today. Argh! Luckily, DH took DD to the Y tonight for some swimming so I get an hour or two on my own.

I am seriously fantasizing about having a hotel getaway just for me.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#619 of 792 Old 04-22-2010, 11:48 AM
 
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**I'll be indirect for a while, but if people don't get it, I'll get fed up and then be too direct, and leave them wondering WTF? Because they really didn't get my hints, and so my irritation seems uncalled for (to them).**

This is part of my houseguest frustration - they don't understand body language, facial expression, tone of voice - so they feel blindsided when I get short with them and go hide in my room. (They invite themselves, DH won't tell them no, I have my space invaded for weeks by people who talk nonstop and take over my house, and then they're ASTONISHED that I'm moody!!!!)

What planet are these people from anyway??!!
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#620 of 792 Old 04-22-2010, 06:22 PM
 
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**I'll be indirect for a while, but if people don't get it, I'll get fed up and then be too direct, and leave them wondering WTF? Because they really didn't get my hints, and so my irritation seems uncalled for (to them).**

This is part of my houseguest frustration - they don't understand body language, facial expression, tone of voice - so they feel blindsided when I get short with them and go hide in my room. (They invite themselves, DH won't tell them no, I have my space invaded for weeks by people who talk nonstop and take over my house, and then they're ASTONISHED that I'm moody!!!!)

What planet are these people from anyway??!!
I'm sorry your DH isn't being helpful.

They sound like they are from the old 1978 SNL skit, an "ad" for a movie called "The Thing That Wouldn't Leave," starring John Belushi, Jane Curtain and Bill Murray where Belushi plays a house guest who just doesn't get the hint. It's hilarious, but unfortunately, I couldn't find any video for it online. (I'm a Belushi fan - it's on the Best of Belushi DVD.)

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#621 of 792 Old 04-22-2010, 06:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yikes I wouldn't have the patience for that. No way would they get to stay that long. My MIL and FIL aren't even 'invited' for more than a couple of days.
I got my limits. It's better for all of us... lol
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#622 of 792 Old 04-22-2010, 09:40 PM
 
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Oh I wish I had time to read 627 posts, but I just found you all and am having a crisis of introvert mom with extrovert, spirited, gifted DS (3). I'm going crazy!!

We don't do any TV/videos or electronic toys AND aren't planning preschool (planning to homeschool), so its basically me and only me. I am (like many of you) not big on playdates, though I don't hate them. DS needs much more than I can handle. I am always amazed after a busy social day how vibrant and energized he is while I feel like I am going to collapse!

I am so tired of talking and being talked to all day I want to scream. Okay, I have screamed today (in front of but not at all at DS) and I feel terrible about it!

So we are thinking of a part-time preschool for the fall to give him the social time he needs and give me the quiet time I need!!!
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#623 of 792 Old 04-27-2010, 02:06 AM
 
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Holiztic

Welcome to the introvert thread. I've been typing responses to other threads tonight and then deleting them instead of posting. But I will respond to your post.

My biggest challenge as a homeschooler is getting DD enough social activity while I get enough of a break. It's gotten better since she's turned into a bookworm. She is definitely spirited (big time) and though she is less introverted than me, I no longer see her as a true extrovert. We talk about how we have differing social needs. And while she used to talk non-stop all the time, she is beginning to show more introverted traits now.

However, now I believe DD is more of a kinetic learner than I once thought so I am looking for an outlet for her to be more physical (I'm thinking aikido). She wants to "play fight" all the time like warrior cats and wrestle with me and DH. I don't mind some, but she's also always in my face and climbing on me. She nursed all the time when she was younger, and didn't quit until she was almost 6, so I think this is some of where the physical space stuff comes in - she is looking for a replacement for that closeness. I love snuggling with her but I need to have some space and she's just getting to big to be jumping on me and climbing on me all the time.

DD is an only child and is extremely intense, sensitive, persistent and intelligent, so we have a very intense relationship. And yeah, like you, it's just her and me most of the time.

Hang in there.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#624 of 792 Old 04-27-2010, 04:10 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Holiztic View Post
Oh I wish I had time to read 627 posts, but I just found you all and am having a crisis of introvert mom with extrovert, spirited, gifted DS (3). I'm going crazy!!

We don't do any TV/videos or electronic toys AND aren't planning preschool (planning to homeschool), so its basically me and only me. I am (like many of you) not big on playdates, though I don't hate them. DS needs much more than I can handle. I am always amazed after a busy social day how vibrant and energized he is while I feel like I am going to collapse!

I am so tired of talking and being talked to all day I want to scream. Okay, I have screamed today (in front of but not at all at DS) and I feel terrible about it!

So we are thinking of a part-time preschool for the fall to give him the social time he needs and give me the quiet time I need!!!
My son is spirited, active, extroverted, and gifted too. I limit his media to 1/2 hr TV and 1hr computer/day...if I didn't, he'd use it 24/7. If I'm not actively engaging him, he pretty much follows me around and waits for me to be ready to interact with him again, or begs for TV etc. He is nearly incapable of playing by himself despite huge efforts on my part to help him learn.

I couldn't survive without DS being in preschool. We found a lovely co-op nearby. He thrives on the social contact and attention from other adults, and I get enough of a break that I'm not angry at him all the time. As soon as he's away from me for like an hour, I start missing him; that's all it takes. And when I pick him up we both are refreshed. I'd definitely recommend looking into it.

SAHM to 6.5yo DS and 4yo DD. PCOS with two early m/cs. Married 8 yrs. Certified birth doula, writer, editor.

Some stuff I like: hbac.gifteapot2.GIFeat.gifnocirc.gifbftoddler.giffemalesling.GIFcrochetsmilie.gif read.gifcat.gif

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#625 of 792 Old 05-01-2010, 02:25 PM
 
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Excited to find you all!

Holiztic... I was in a similar situation as you with my first child. Play dates made me want to cry and scream. What helped at first was having ds2... then they could play with each other! When ds1 turned 3, even though I had been dead set on homeschooling, we actually sent him to preschool b/c I realized that he was so extraverted that even schooling him would drive me nuts. What is funny to me now is that ds2 is exactly like me, personality-wise, and if it were just us, I would gladly homeschool him! He likes school, though, just in a quieter way than ds1.

So I say, send him to preschool, let him get all the extraverted socialization time he needs, and spend the time doing what you need to do. Sounds like a win-win. I LOVE my kids being at school and could never imagine HSing now!

I found this tribe b/c I have a job that is seriously incompatible with my introversion. I own a natural baby store. For the first year, it was online, with one-on-one orientation and shopping sessions in my house. I scheduled these at my convenience, and it was never more than me and 1 family. That suited me fine, and was actually fulfilling b/c being 1-on-1 allowed us to get comfy and I was actually able to advocate for natural birth, no circ, etc.

Now we are in a retail space, open 6 days a week, 10-5, and I am to the point where I cringe every time the store door chime rings. I mean, hopefully they will give me their money and all that, but the thought at having to do yet another cloth diaper information session on the spot, multiple times a day... it makes me crazy. I have free orientation sessions for many people at once every other Saturday, and you get 10% off for attending that, but people still demand to be taught everything whenever they walk in. I try to talk them into attending the orientation, but when they refuse, I get so angry at them that I have to step in the back for a minute to calm down.

I hired my dh b/c he is extraverted and a born salesperson, but even that isn't working b/c he doesn't get me either and shoots me these exasperated grunts and looks when the door is chiming and I'm in the back working on the website or something. Or when I don't fall all over myself greeting customers and making small talk. All the required small talk kills me. My new least favorite is, "So how's the store going?" Really? Do you really want to discuss my business model and performance? Dh tells me I should just say, "Fine," but every time I get asked it, I am so flummoxed that I think it must get awkward.

What also irritates me is that I think my dh thinks there is something wrong with me, but I know I have just always been like this. I really miss my old set-up with lots of time to myself and the ability to schedule when I had to talk to people. And I am really great in front of a large group, like the orientation sessions - I just can't stand people walking in, with no control over my schedule or allowance for my mood.

I am afraid that this retail storefront was a huge mistake.

DS1 2004 ~ DS2 2005 ~ DD1 2008 ~ DS3 2010 ~ DD2 due Dec. 2014
On hospital bedrest for pPROM since 23 weeks
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#626 of 792 Old 05-01-2010, 03:04 PM
 
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My new least favorite is, "So how's the store going?" Really? Do you really want to discuss my business model and performance? Dh tells me I should just say, "Fine," but every time I get asked it, I am so flummoxed that I think it must get awkward.
You probably know this, but I just wanted to say that your dh is right about this. People don't really want to discuss your business model with you. They just expect you to smile and say "it's going well" or say "not too bad" or something like that, and then change the subject. It's just a meaningless little ritual that's irritating to us introverts, and I would just do it and try not to think about it.

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

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#627 of 792 Old 05-02-2010, 01:44 AM
 
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Galatea - about the how's-your-business questions - just say something like "Great. Thanks for asking." I doubt many people expect much more than that. You could practice saying it to yourself until it becomes automatic and then you might not feel so flustered when it comes up.

While your business sounds wonderful and like it has the potential to be very successful, it sounds like your role has grown into something you no longer enjoy. Is it possible you could hire a second person to do more sales/extroverted duties and then you could just manage the web stuff and the seminars?

Also, maybe you could show your DH some of the introvert books so he can see that you are not messed up, but rather just introverted, which a perfectly legitimate way of being. It sounds like his grunts and comments are making things even harder for you.

The Introvert Advantage
and Introvert Power are books that come to mind - I've also seen a book for introverts in business during an online search, but I'm not personally familiar with it.

Good luck. I hope you can find a way to make things work for you.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#628 of 792 Old 05-02-2010, 12:49 PM
 
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You probably know this, but I just wanted to say that your dh is right about this. People don't really want to discuss your business model with you. They just expect you to smile and say "it's going well" or say "not too bad" or something like that, and then change the subject. It's just a meaningless little ritual that's irritating to us introverts, and I would just do it and try not to think about it.
Galatea, I agree with this, as well. When people ask a question like that, it is basically just to get a simple reply of "Oh, everything is going well" and just leave it at that. No one is really expecting you to give a break down of everything that is going on with the store, unless the person is really nosey and intrusive, as some people tend to be. But I definitely understand why you feel the way you do. I tend to take questions as an interrogation as well, since I don't tend to ask people questions like that. I find that kind of small talk to be intrusive. When I go into a store or whereever, I am going there to make a purchase or to look around, not to make small talk and not to inquire about peoples business, because I feel like I would be annoying other people. But there are people who are very comfortable asking those kinds of questions.
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#629 of 792 Old 05-12-2010, 10:06 PM
 
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Ack!

I'm giving myself anxiety from trying to plan vacations to visit family this summer. Do it in two trips? Combine into one long trip? How much time driving can we do with a 7 year old and not go stir-crazy? Hoping to fly at least part of it (or one of them depending how this ends up being scheduled). Not thrilled about flying personally. But also not thrilled about possibly spending 6 days minimum driving within a 14 day span.

I am thinking at this point that two separate trips might be preferable to retain my sanity. Then there is the question of how do we afford all this? (MIL and FIL may pay for plane tickets and hotel for a family reunion.) Can't afford to fly for both trips no matter how they are arranged on the calendar - even if MIL/FIL pay for one of them.

Family reunion..... Does that word combination make anyone else on here shutter? This would be DH's family on his mom's side. I've only met one of them besides her. So it would be more of a situation of dealing with a lot of people I don't know. On the plus side, there should be some really good authentic Mexican food.

The more I think about it, the more I think I'd like to just bag one trip. Not sure if that's an option or not though. If not, then two separate trips would be better if only so I don't dread July because it's completely booked up with no breathing room.

OK. Done rambling now.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#630 of 792 Old 05-13-2010, 12:13 PM
 
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I've been to enough family reunions (my husband's family) that they really don't bother me too much, though it wouldn't surprise me if people think I'm a little stand-offish. I spend most of the time with my own kids, and don't really flit around socializing. I usually find a place to sit and pretty much stay there. I like to listen to the conversation, but prefer not to talk too much about myself. There's usually someone who asks a lot of questions: How's your job? How's your mother? They don't get much more of an answer than, "Fine." I just really don't want to get into a bunch of details, because detailed conversation about everyday stuff and on-the-spot questioning by people I rarely see aren't my idea of fun. I used to try to contribute a food item, but my in-laws, in my opinion, are food snobs. If it isn't 100% homemade, it won't get eaten. (And, alas, no Mexican. The most "exotic" spice anyone there uses is black pepper. And enough butter to harden your arteries just looking at it.)
Several years ago, a relative I had not seen in over 20 years of reunions (in fact, I had never met her, ever) showed up, and decided to take over the whole thing - where it would be held, etc. I haven't been since she claimed it as her own party. I'm sure it's now even more of an extrovert extavaganza - hahaha!!!
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