Introvert Mamas? - Page 26 - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-04-2011, 04:12 PM
 
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I just turned down an opportunity to belly dance to live music by a Middle Eastern band I really like tomorrow. I almost took the offer but I really just need some down time. I have a headache. We're going out tonight for a family night thing at a friends' house. It's so hard to juggle things sometimes. This week seems to have been all about DD's stuff taking over my life. I feel like I need two weeks off. One just to decompress and another to clean my house.


I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 02-05-2011, 07:14 PM
 
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A friend just sent me this link for a myers briggs test humanmetrics.com.  I took my first one when I was about 12 years old.  My father was a college professor (now retired) and had one of his friends at the college give me the test.  I was INFP.  She said I was very strongly intoverted.  I took it again, at least once, in college and was INFP again.  I just took this shorter online test and came up ISTJ.  Still very introverted, but slightly sensing, moderately thinking and judging.  Not sure if it's just this particular test or if, in some ways, I am changing.  As usual, there were some questions that I could go either way on. 

 

I just went to New Orleans for a long weekend last week with my two closest friends, who happen to live on the opposite side of the country.  It was really wonderful to be in the company of two people who I am so comfortable with and can be myself with.  Then I came home and was sad that they are so far away and I don't know when I'll see them again.   My husband was off for four days using up his vacation time before it ran out, though.  He usually works all the time.  Now he is back to work and I'm feeling a bit down.  I do like time to myself, but time with people that understand me and that I'm comfortable with is really important to me.  I'm really not alone much anyway.  With three kids, there is always at least one someone who needs something from me at all times.  I'm awake now, just to have some "me" time while the kids are asleep.  I really should be asleep because my almost 2 year old is bound to wake up at 4am again tomorrow and this whole sleep deprivation business is getting quite old. 
 


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Old 02-07-2011, 12:23 PM
 
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There is a link to an abbreviated myers-briggs test earlier in this thread which I found to be consistent with my earlier tests. I am also an INFP. I recently saw a friend I hadn't seen for almost 15 years. It was like we'd never been apart, but that's the type of relationship we used to have. I feel close to her again now and wish we lived closer. The good news is that she's moving to a city 4 hours away. And I'm excited because it greatly increases the chance that I'll see her again before another decade + goes by.

 

Today, I am feeling thankful that I did not sign up DD for the homeschool group Valentine party. I am missing out on 57 Valentines being exchanged by a roomful of excited, screaming kids and their families. Many of the valentines include a sweet treat so I won't have to police that all week either.

 

DD was really upset when I told her we weren't going which made me feel guilty. But instead, we'll have some friends over Friday, exchange Valentines with them and bake some heart-shaped brownies. We also signed her up for a drop-off Valentine party at a child care place that has parents' night out. She is thrilled and we get 4 hours for a date. Much better IMO than the homeschool party I was feeling guilty about not attending.


I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 03-25-2011, 08:06 PM
 
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Hi everyone! I would consider myself both an introvert AND a shy person :)

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Old 04-05-2011, 09:05 AM
 
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I just got referred to this site via a friend: http://www.motherstyles.com/default.asp. Based on a book:

MotherStyles

Using Personality Type to Discover Your Parenting Strengths
by Janet P. Penley

with Diane Eble 

 

Not sure if it's been mentioned before...

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Old 04-07-2011, 09:27 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by townelin View Post

I just got referred to this site via a friend: http://www.motherstyles.com/default.asp. Based on a book:

MotherStyles

Using Personality Type to Discover Your Parenting Strengths
by Janet P. Penley

with Diane Eble

 

Not sure if it's been mentioned before...



Dig it!  Thank you for the link!


'09   
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Old 04-27-2011, 02:31 PM
 
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Hi introvert mamas! Hope everyone is doing well. I have typed here and then deleted before posting several times. (No big surprise there, eh?) But the introverted mamas thread is one of my favorite places on MDC. So I wanted to wave.gifto everyone.

 

I feel like I have been learning how to navigate the waters a bit with the extroverts. If we connect and it's not a deep as I am used to, I am able to realize it's probably good for them and to adjust my expectations more realistically. I am picking my extroverted friends a bit more carefully and starting to find some balance in how I am going through the world. DD is doing much better and is definitely an extrovert so I'm managing to find her the right balance for the most part too. This has kind of been my driving force behind finding the right balance for both of us. We have some new friends now finally - I was in a great mood the day we met and was able to have normal, interesting conversation for a change. Lucky day for us. Our friends are totally cool with my introverted tendencies. My girlfriend needs downtime some times too but she is super easy going just like my DH. Her DH, however, is much more introverted and has anxiety and is intense, just like me. He even has the hypoglycemia type stuff and sensitivity issues I have. This makes it easier for all of us to relate to one another which is helpful, and I finally feel like I am getting some real friends. DH has even noticed that it's easy to be with them. It's been so long since we've found people we can relate to, it's just been really nice.

 

My biggest news for now though is that I am dealing with some MAJOR insane health issues. I just posted a thread in Personal Growth about it if you are interested. I just had brain surgery last Friday to remove a tumor, so my life has taken a very surreal turn as of late. I blabbed a lot on the other forum so I'll leave it alone here.

 

Happy spring to my fellow Intoverts!

 


I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 04-27-2011, 02:48 PM
 
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Omg, I haven't posted in this thread in AGES.  It's so timely though that I got an update from it.  Right now, this exact minute, I'm battling a decision whether or not to continue putting in effort towards a friendship with a suspected ENFP, I know for sure she's extroverted and am pretty sure about the rest of it.  It's just so 'push me, pull me" with her and I feel like I'm always walking on eggshells.  She calls, wants to hang out, then flakes out....so many times.  I don't have a lot of room in my life for friends as it is, much less one who is not there and around.  I'm trying to swallow the understanding that she will never be the type of friend who is good for me and I think I just have to let her slide.  Though, just as I make this decision, she'll call me back up and say we're on for something.  I'm and INTP and don't do relationship drama, I really like to keep it simple.  Sometimes it's so hard dealing with extraverts....

 

 

Starflower~wow brain surgery!  I'll have to go read that thread now, I hope it's all going ok.

 

 


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Old 04-27-2011, 04:27 PM
 
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Hugs to you marimara. If you enjoy this person sometimes, could you possibly just let it be a "sometimes we do something fun together kind" of casual relationship? If she's s drama queen, that would be a red flag, I think. But sometimes it seems like the extroverts need to let it all out and then they are done processing. Whereas, innies seem more likely to be processing on our own.

 

But if you are opposite in T and F on the Meyers-Briggs, that could actually affect things more than even the I/E stuff, in my opinion. Have you read much about how thinking and feeling people differ? I have found it fascinating and very helpful. My mom is opposite enough from mine on T/F (about halfway) and on perception/judgements we're pretty much polar opposites which seems to be what makes us have difficulties at times. And it's really just a personality thing, the way we are wired. I've found reading up on it very helpful. There were some books recommended earlier in the thread that I read and were helpful. I'd look them up for you but I am way too tired right now. And I realize I am rambling a bit. But I'm claiming it as a post-op problem. lol

 

Hang in there and good luck. Maybe if you decide to cut her off, you'd need to actually "break up" with her. Or just back away slowly and be less available. I'm sure you'll figure out how you want to handle it. Tough stuff though. Good luck.


I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 04-27-2011, 04:48 PM
 
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"I crave deep connection with people, but find social interactions to be draining in general."

 

 

 

YES!  It's funny, because I crave going to my playgroup for the chance to be with other adults, but once there....somehow it seems like they all manage to get close to each other, chit-chatting and whatever else like they've known each other for years, while I'm still left out because I just can't get what I NEED from chit-chat, and there's not enough time for me to get closer to these women in the way that I've come to make friends with people in the past - slowly, and by spending lots of time in each others' company.  As a SAHM of a 1-year-old, I find myself really wondering if I'll ever be able to make a true friend again, and I'm afraid that my own inner vibrancy will dim if I completely lack deep connections with others.  I'm unused to having such a separate life from DP (we've somehow always ended up working together in the past) and find that our relationship is suffering because I'd rather be alone than have too-brief-to-be-truly-interesting moments with DP. 

 

I'm glad this group is here.  Being a mother has been tough for me so far, and introversion (in combination with a few other BIG factors) has a lot to do with it. 

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Old 04-27-2011, 07:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Starflower View Post

Hugs to you marimara. If you enjoy this person sometimes, could you possibly just let it be a "sometimes we do something fun together kind" of casual relationship? If she's s drama queen, that would be a red flag, I think. But sometimes it seems like the extroverts need to let it all out and then they are done processing. Whereas, innies seem more likely to be processing on our own.

 

But if you are opposite in T and F on the Meyers-Briggs, that could actually affect things more than even the I/E stuff, in my opinion. Have you read much about how thinking and feeling people differ? I have found it fascinating and very helpful. My mom is opposite enough from mine on T/F (about halfway) and on perception/judgements we're pretty much polar opposites which seems to be what makes us have difficulties at times. And it's really just a personality thing, the way we are wired. I've found reading up on it very helpful. There were some books recommended earlier in the thread that I read and were helpful. I'd look them up for you but I am way too tired right now. And I realize I am rambling a bit. But I'm claiming it as a post-op problem. lol

 

Hang in there and good luck. Maybe if you decide to cut her off, you'd need to actually "break up" with her. Or just back away slowly and be less available. I'm sure you'll figure out how you want to handle it. Tough stuff though. Good luck.



Thanks!  I have read a lot about MBTI.  I'm pretty comfortable being around "Feelers", as most of my girl friends tend to be that.  I think our issue really is the extraversion on her part.  From what I read about ENFPs is that they tend to be in the moment and like to draw other people out and then they are done with them,  when their need for them is over.  When I first met her, we did hit if off great, she did draw me out and I thought I could be myself around her and all would be ok. But I can see that she doesn't have the same need for  "close" friend(s) as I do.  I don't like to have a lot acquaintances and such, I prefer a few close friendships and that's it.  So, it's just a conflict of personalities, I think.  Plus, on the t/f side, I can tell that I am too much of a realist for her sometimes and she would prefer to live in the idealistic world.  Whereas I can go there too, but I don't live there.  She's not really high drama, just flaky.  She's on, then she's off.  Hot and cold.  I don't like emotional ups and downs.  I will keep her as a once in a while friend, but I won't put a lot of effort anymore.  I think it's up  to her, I just have to remember to keep myself anchored because she likes to carry people away.   It's so sad because my very introvert daughter really became attached to her kids and dd is kinda let down whenever things don't work out. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just keep people at a distance so dd can have lots of friends, but unfortunatley that's not how I work.  

 

ETA: I realize as I'm writing this post that my whole issue is that I feel "used", I feel like I let it all hang out, let her see me who I am (which doesn't happen often), let my guard down.  And this is what I get for it.  Just tossed aside and picked up whenever.  That's just unfair, I think.  I give my all to my friends and family and people close to me, I feel like I deserve the same.  Mostly, I'm having a pity party!  LOL.


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Old 04-27-2011, 09:45 PM
 
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I would definitely have a problem with someone who wanted to draw me out and then leave me hanging when she was "done" with me for the time being. It's a lot for me to let myself be seen and I can see how you would have felt used in a situation like that. It sounds like you have a good perspective to re-frame your expectations about this person though. Don't feel bad about a little pity party. A little one once in awhile is OK. winky.gif

 

Nice to "talk" to you on here. I've been missing this thread and hadn't realized it.


I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 04-28-2011, 06:06 AM
 
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Thanks Starflower flowersforyou.gif  That validates the way I'm feeling about this.  It will all work out, I just need to adjust my expectations and go from there! :)


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Old 04-28-2011, 06:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marimara View Post





Thanks!  I have read a lot about MBTI.  I'm pretty comfortable being around "Feelers", as most of my girl friends tend to be that.  I think our issue really is the extraversion on her part.  From what I read about ENFPs is that they tend to be in the moment and like to draw other people out and then they are done with them,  when their need for them is over.  When I first met her, we did hit if off great, she did draw me out and I thought I could be myself around her and all would be ok. But I can see that she doesn't have the same need for  "close" friend(s) as I do.  I don't like to have a lot acquaintances and such, I prefer a few close friendships and that's it.  So, it's just a conflict of personalities, I think.  Plus, on the t/f side, I can tell that I am too much of a realist for her sometimes and she would prefer to live in the idealistic world.  Whereas I can go there too, but I don't live there.  She's not really high drama, just flaky.  She's on, then she's off.  Hot and cold.  I don't like emotional ups and downs.  I will keep her as a once in a while friend, but I won't put a lot of effort anymore.  I think it's up  to her, I just have to remember to keep myself anchored because she likes to carry people away.   It's so sad because my very introvert daughter really became attached to her kids and dd is kinda let down whenever things don't work out. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just keep people at a distance so dd can have lots of friends, but unfortunatley that's not how I work.  

 

ETA: I realize as I'm writing this post that my whole issue is that I feel "used", I feel like I let it all hang out, let her see me who I am (which doesn't happen often), let my guard down.  And this is what I get for it.  Just tossed aside and picked up whenever.  That's just unfair, I think.  I give my all to my friends and family and people close to me, I feel like I deserve the same.  Mostly, I'm having a pity party!  LOL.


Hi Marimara, 

 

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. To be honest, I think it's hard for an introvert to hold onto casual hot/cold friendships because we're the type to only have deep, meaningful friendships, and if you're like me and only have a handful of close friends, it hurts when one's feelings aren't reciprocated. I recently decided to stop communicating with a friend who I've known since high school, so I thought we were really close. But as we got older, it became obvious that she'd only contact me when she needed a shoulder to cry on. I would listen to all her problems, offer advice, worry about her...but the minute I needed to talk or just wanted to say "hi," I'd never hear from her. I used to feel honored that she would come to me with problems she found too painful to talk to other people about, but when it turned out those were the *only* times she'd call me up, I also started feeling "used." So the last time she emailed, I didn't reply. And I haven't heard from her in a few years now. I still think about her from time to time, but I doubt she does the same for me. Don't apologize for feeling bad--friendship is precious and hard to come by (esp. for us introverts!), and it's upsetting when we lose a friend or realize maybe that person was never a true friend to begin with. [Hugs] 

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Old 04-28-2011, 06:39 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newmamalizzy View Post

"I crave deep connection with people, but find social interactions to be draining in general."

 

 

 

YES!  It's funny, because I crave going to my playgroup for the chance to be with other adults, but once there....somehow it seems like they all manage to get close to each other, chit-chatting and whatever else like they've known each other for years, while I'm still left out because I just can't get what I NEED from chit-chat, and there's not enough time for me to get closer to these women in the way that I've come to make friends with people in the past - slowly, and by spending lots of time in each others' company.  As a SAHM of a 1-year-old, I find myself really wondering if I'll ever be able to make a true friend again, and I'm afraid that my own inner vibrancy will dim if I completely lack deep connections with others.  I'm unused to having such a separate life from DP (we've somehow always ended up working together in the past) and find that our relationship is suffering because I'd rather be alone than have too-brief-to-be-truly-interesting moments with DP. 

 

I'm glad this group is here.  Being a mother has been tough for me so far, and introversion (in combination with a few other BIG factors) has a lot to do with it. 


Hey newmamalizzy, 

 

My daughter is two, so I was where you are not too long ago. I would totally recommend inviting just one mom and baby over for a regular, weekly playdate. I also attended group playdates but had the same problem as you that I never felt like I could get close to anyone in that sort of setting. I find, too, that my daughter also benefitted from these quieter one-on-one get-togethers and was able to relax more at home with just one little friend, than when there were tons of babies toddling all over the place!

 

 

 

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Old 05-12-2011, 12:43 PM
 
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Newmamalizzy,

 

It sounds like me and you are in the same boat! I'm a new momma, but also an introvert and need more momma friends but from where I've been (group playdates, LLL meetings, Children's Museums) it just never seems to be the time or place to make a good momma friend. I'll keep hoping one comes my way, and maybe I'll be able to spark up a deeper conversation at one of these functions.

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Old 01-31-2012, 07:01 AM
 
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Hello introverts!  Just saw this on NPR about a new book coming out:

Quiet, Please: Unleashing 'The Power Of Introverts'

http://www.npr.org/2012/01/30/145930229/quiet-please-unleashing-the-power-of-introverts?sc=fb&cc=fp

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Old 01-31-2012, 12:04 PM
 
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Funny, I was just reading the reviews for that book. It reminded me of this thread, and how long it's been since I've checked in. 

 

The holidays and the January birthdays we have (4 family and close friend, so busy!) are over,  and I am settling into a quiet winter hibernation.  If only the rest of the world would slow down as well. Lately I find myself sitting by the window in a sunny spot, reading, knitting, or puttering online. Sometimes I just look out the window and watch the world go bye for more time than seems decent. I start to wonder is it abnormal to just look out the window and sit in this chair for hours? The luxury of having older children. I can not believe my baby is now 10. Where does the time go.

 

I hope all my introvert mama friends out there are doing well. What are you all up to lately?


Michelle , 20+ years with a wonderful DH
Mama to two boys, 12 and 10

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Old 02-03-2012, 10:54 AM
 
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I definitely fit the description! :)

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Old 02-16-2012, 11:54 AM
 
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 wave.gif

Howdy.  I'm a major introvert too, and have been thinking about it a lot lately.  I'm married to a major introvert, and I have no idea how I'd survive otherwise.  We barely even talk in the evenings and it's lovely.  :D  My DD is a shy extrovert who spends most of her days within 5 inches of me and at age 4.5 still won't play by herself because she hates it.  DS is nearly 10 months old, and happily crawls off in another room to play by himself.  I usually test as INFJ, but sometimes INTJ.  I think I used to be more T but being a mother has moved me a little more to the F side.  I'm happiest only leaving the house about 2 or 3 days a week and I have no idea how people go out every single day.  Happy to see this thread!

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Old 02-17-2012, 07:44 AM
 
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treehugger.gifAutistic pagan mama with five kiddos on the spectrum, learning through living life. autismribbon.gif  computergeek2.gif

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Old 05-06-2012, 11:05 AM
 
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Found this, and took a Myer-Briggs free online test and it was the same as it was several years ago:

 

 

Introverted (I) 78.79% Extroverted (E) 21.21%
Intuitive (N) 70.27% Sensing (S) 29.73%
Feeling (F) 71.05% Thinking (T) 28.95%
Perceiving (P) 77.14% Judging (J) 22.86%

Your type is: INFP


 
INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Emotional face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 4.4% of total population.
 

 

I read about the first ten pages of this thread, and the last few...will have to go back through and read more when I have time, checking out links and reading some of the books that have been mentioned. I think I'll start with the Introvert Advantage, then The Happy Introvert. 

 

What is your favorite and most helpful book on this subject?


 

 
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Old 09-28-2013, 09:47 PM
 
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Anybody want to join me in making this thread active again? I just found it and am wanting to connect with other introverted mamas. I also have quite a bit of social anxiety, but do OK in very small groups. My 6 yo DD is really wanting more play dates. Im having trouble organizing them for her and feeling very guilty about it. I feel like im the only mother going through this
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Old 10-01-2013, 09:11 PM
 
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It sounds ridiculous I'm sure, but I'm just not confident enough to inviting somebody who I know on an aquaintance basis only to our house. The weather is terrible lately so parks are out of the question for location. I just hate having people over for fear of being of being judged. Our walls need painting, there's duct tape on our couch, our floor is warped. We don't have the time or money to fix these problems any time soon. But I need to get over my fears so my daughter can makes some friends. I don't know why this is so difficult for me.

Have you ever arranged playdates for your 4 yr old?
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Old 10-02-2013, 10:15 AM
 
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Oh, I completely hear you on the home embarrassment issue. I'm awkward enough with other people without having something like that to worry about. I do my best to keep the house clean, but the underlying issues, peeling wallpaper, crappy furniture... They still bug me.
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Old 10-23-2013, 10:28 PM
 
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It sounds ridiculous I'm sure, but I'm just not confident enough to inviting somebody who I know on an aquaintance basis only to our house. The weather is terrible lately so parks are out of the question for location. I just hate having people over for fear of being of being judged. Our walls need painting, there's duct tape on our couch, our floor is warped. We don't have the time or money to fix these problems any time soon. But I need to get over my fears so my daughter can makes some friends. I don't know why this is so difficult for me. Have you ever arranged playdates for your 4 yr old?

Can so relate to this post CuddleBugsMama! My sensitive, anxious girl is only 3, and I would do anything to help her avoid the social anxiety I have, if I could just get out of my own way! I'd love to find a group of friendly introverts who support each other in my area.

I've met moms and their kids at parks and such who seem nice enough, but haven't worked up the nerve yet to invite them over. Our home is tidy but needs lots of repairs. How do you guys model friend-building for your kids as introverts?

Btw I'm so glad to see this thread is active again!
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Old 10-24-2013, 04:17 PM
 
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It sounds ridiculous I'm sure, but I'm just not confident enough to inviting somebody who I know on an aquaintance basis only to our house.

 

Nope, not ridiculous. I HATE having people in my house, especially if I don't know them well.  We live in a small house (~650sqft) and with two kids it's always a mess.  It's fine for the four of us, but when we have people over, there just isn't any room for everybody to sit or play.  We usually get together with friends at the park.  

 

I'm a huge introvert, and none of my close friends have children.  I despise the artificial, kid-centered, awkward things called "play dates" (not judging... just saying I personally hate them).  A few years ago I put myself out there to find mom-friends.  It wasn't easy, and there was much social awkwardness and discomfort on my part, but after a year or so, I really hit it off with one mom and we've become good friends.  We get together once a week and our kids play.... great for me and good for our kids.

 

Glad this thread is brought back to life.  One struggle I've had lately has been finding any alone time.  Staying home with two kids, I can never get away, not even in the bathroom.  My 5 year old wants to talk or sing ALL the time and my 1 year old is always running or clinging or bouncing or screaming.  I've got sensory overload in a big way.  I'm so exhausted in the evenings I just fall into bed.  Peace and quiet seems far in the distant past or future. 

 

Another struggle I have is feeling torn between my kids.  I miss the one-on-one relationship I had with my daughter.  Since my son was born I feel like I don't get to know him as much as I did my dd... and like my daughter has been short-changed and isn't getting enough of me anymore (I think she feels this way too)... like I don't get to really know either of them very deeply now.  I cherish the times when I'm only with one of them and I somehow am able to "see" them more clearly and enjoy them more... I feel like I'm just not at my best when I'm with them both.  Does that make sense??       

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Old 10-24-2013, 05:30 PM
 
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I know exactly how you feel about not getting that quiet space that I need.  I still just have one kid, but she's the talking all the time type, and it's really hard.  I can only imagine how it would feel with 2.  My issue is actually with DD's dad.  I feel like I don't have any mental space for him.  By the end of the day with my daughter, I just want to be alone, and I get all annoyed with him for stupid stuff like breathing weird and chewing loudly.  Honestly, I just wish I had my own apartment to retreat to after he gets home.  If we're going to be alone-together, I'd really rather just be alone.  I feel like the only down-time I have is compromised by another presence, even if he's just sleeping on the couch, and then I don't get the recharge that I really need.  Needless to say, it's not very good for our relationship :( 

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Old 10-24-2013, 07:02 PM
 
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By the end of the day with my daughter, I just want to be alone, and I get all annoyed with him for stupid stuff like breathing weird and chewing loudly.  Honestly, I just wish I had my own apartment to retreat to after he gets home.  If we're going to be alone-together, I'd really rather just be alone. 

Hah!  Ditto!  I thought I was the only who got annoyed with breathing weird and chewing loudly!  Dh is as bad as the kids sometimes with the never-ending questions and tapping and ugh, I swear dh purposely turns the pages of his book with gusto to make that crackly sound to bug me when he should know I need silence to think.  Oh, and then to feign innocence and get defensive when I call him on it... the nerve!  Lol.  Really, if I don't get my alone time, I'm impossible to live with. 

 

I totally agree about the being alone together thing... it would be awesome if I could just have the house to myself sometime. 

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Old 12-31-2013, 01:59 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for reviving this thread and then abandoning it!  Life got crazy and I didn't have a phone for a while.  My only other on line source is a big PC that I can rarely get to.  Anyone still around?  I'd love to be active here for real this time!

 

I can totally relate to needing time alone.  It kind of works out that my DH is very much an introvert too who loves video games.  So if I need alone time when kids are asleep he's happy to put his head phones on and plug in and I don't even have to listen to the annoying games. He's also a deep sleeper who's happy to go to sleep early with the kids.  Lately though, we've really been making an effort to connect more and enjoy each other's company, which has been good.  

 

And treehugz, I feel the same way being torn between my kids.  I feel I'm at my best as a parent when I have individual time with just one of my children.  I have three, 6 1/2, 3 1/2, and 7 mon.  Sometimes I feel there just isn't enough of me to go around.  The worst part for me is then they literally fight over who gets to sit next to me at the table, who get's to snuggle up to my back when I'm lying down nursing the baby.  I just don't know how to handle these situations.  When they happen I wish I could lock myself in the bathroom and plug my ears until DH gets home. 

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one with anxiety about having people in my unperfect home and being judged.  I wish I could say I've made some progress in getting play dates for my kids, but none really.  I do have one good friend with a 4 yo, but we only get together about once a month.  She doesn't live near me and has a busy schedule. 

 

My 6 yo DD is having trouble keeping friends at school. She talks to me and tells me all the details, asking for advice.  I do the best I can, but I'm often at a loss for what to tell her.  My social skills aren't great myself and it's been a long time since I was 6. I was pretty shy as a kid and never really sought out friendship the way my DD does, even though I was sometimes lonely.  I am encouraged that my daughter will actively seek playmates on her own, but I wish she had some adults in her life who could model good friendship building. My DH is just as introverted as me and his social anxiety is worse. 

 

One of DD's classmates, I'll call her Ann, apparently asked if she could go to her house for a playdate.  She asked me and I said yes if her parents talk to me about it and I take her there.  I pick DD (G) up from school one day and she rushes over to me very excited saying 'Ann's dad says I can go to her house today!"  I  haven't heard a thing from anybody at this point. I see Ann and her mom?, step mom? and I smile at her, hoping she'll bring it up, but they just walk on by.  I maybe should have said something.  But honestly, I don't want G being at their place without me anyways since I don't know these people at all.  G was very upset that she didn't get her play date and I felt terrible.  This was early December.  I told myself I would arrange to have them here but I haven't.  I honestly just don't know how.  Ann has been telling G that she's not her "BFF" anymore anyways rant.gif.  I hate this stuff!  If you've read this far, thank you.  Anybody have some advise?

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