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#91 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 01:00 AM
 
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Oh yeah. I don't think I ever worried about fitting in. In 5th & 6th grade, almost every girl in my class was obsessed with name brands. They would take the tags off their clothes and stick them onto their notebooks. They all took dance and piano classes. My family was pretty broke, so I didn't have any of that stuff. For a while I was hanging out with the "cool girls" and discovered how very different we were. I remember actually trying to explain to them that I did not fit in.

I usually fit in with a small group of people who also didn't really fit in. Freaks & Geeks are the truly cool ones anyway right?

Not being scared to be left alone is interesting... I never really thought about that. I've never been scared to be alone and never understood friends of mine that are scared when their husbands are away.
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#92 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 01:03 AM
 
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Yeah, I never cared about fitting in and I was never susceptible to peer pressure. I always just made whatever choices I felt like making.

I just joined the wild & free tribe right before this one and I didn't even realize they were related.

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

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#93 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 01:19 AM
 
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Down to Earth, I share the same journey as you. Feeling weird about being myself growing up. Also enjoyed having an evening by myself after hours of school (and all that you said). It is nice to be in a state of mind where I am happy to be me and don't have a need to please others. Just accept who I am. I think schools are a very unnatural environment for children only made for certain types of personalities. Maybe that is where anxieties start, because we don't feel accepted...
Also, speaking of similar interests, I am wondering if introverted people tend to live similar lifestyles like parenting styles. If we don't have such a big need to belong to big groups, we are less depended on their approval and choices from the outside or the main stream. Maybe it is easier for "us" to make choices closer to our heart. I have always been different in that way, where I never had a need to belong or follow peer pressure. Maybe because we don't care that much about other people (like strangers) and we are not scared to be left alone... just some thoughts...
I too don't feel that school is a natural environment. It took me a long time to be happy with myself. School was not good for me. I wished throughout my whole childhood, especially in high school, that my mom would homeschool me. But I never asked.

I definitely agree that being introverts we don't tend to follow the "herd". Because we don't have the need to fit in and be like everyone else. I definitely liked to be left alone. I think that's one reason I didn't like doing foster care. I had all these people looking over my shoulder. I understand it, but I didn't like it.

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#94 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 01:50 AM
 
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subbing.

Wow! I have been exploring introvert/extrovert issues just this very week and look what I found on MDC. Coincidence? I don't think so.

I am an introverted SAHM to 6-yr old DD who is a major extrovert. If she's not with a group of people, she feels she must be interacting with me and demands 100% attention or else listening to books on tape, etc. and having constant noise of people talking. It's driving me crazy right now. DH is also mostly an introvert.

I had a talk with DD yesterday about introverts and extroverts and how she and I have differing needs in that respect. Later she told me, "Mom, I think I understand now why you've been kind of grumpy." So we're closer to understanding. Hopefully, we'll find a way to meet both our needs.

I have Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength by Laurie Helgoe Ph.D. on hold right now at our library. I'm excited for it to come in.

Last time I did the Myers-Briggs I ended up with INFP. I will have to check it again and see what the percentages are just for fun.

I also have a history or anxiety (panic disorder), depression and OCD. What a fun combination....NOT! Currently working with an ND on these issues, which reminds me I need to call her and haven't because I hate calling people on the phone. Email has helped me stay social by arranging things online. I do like to be with friends one-on-one or sometimes even in very small groups if I know everyone. I really have to prepare myself mentally to go to a concert or some event with lots of people though. And then I need a lot of down-time.

Looking forward to reading the other responses on here.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#95 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 01:56 AM
 
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I do like to be with friends one-on-one or sometimes even in very small groups if I know everyone. I really have to prepare myself mentally to go to a concert or some event with lots of people though. And then I need a lot of down-time.

Looking forward to reading the other responses on here.
I'm in preparation mode for this Saturday when we plan on taking the three kids to the VFW in Wasilla for the annual 4th of July kid stuff they do there. Heat. People. Heat. Strangers. Heat. Required bra. Heat. Ugh.

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#96 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 02:09 AM
 
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Currently working with an ND on these issues, which reminds me I need to call her and haven't because I hate calling people on the phone. Email has helped me stay social by arranging things online.
I HATE talking to people on the phone. I've always felt that the internet is made for me. Email is perfect. Faster than snail mail but I can think about what to say. People are always asking me for my phone number and I give them my email address instead and they look at me like I'm nuts.

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

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#97 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 04:04 AM
 
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I also hate talking on the phone! I put off making appointments because I hate it so much. Once a friend of mine remembered she needed to make a dentist appt when I was at her house, and she did it RIGHT THEN! I was totally flabbergasted. Plus I'm scared of the dentist, I think more because I hate somebody being that far up in my face than because of pain.

I like talking to my closest friends on the phone, but I still hate calling them because I feel like I'm interrupting their lives. Maybe because when I'm having a bad day, the sound of the phone ringing really bugs me and I project that on everyone else?

I don't mind being in crowds. I actually love crowds at concerts and festivals where I don't know anyone except a friend or two. It's like the crowd is just one big entity of collective consciousness, and that actually really energizes me. However, if it's a big party where I have to meet people and talk, I do need lots of preparation.

Introvert Power...going on the library request list. Thanks!
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#98 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 11:04 AM
 
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I also dealt with depression for a long time when I was younger, and almost always read fantasy and historical fiction, with the occasional biography thrown in.

Also, I HATE phone calls! : The only people I'll call without some amount of anxiety are my mom and DH. I recently had to call the doctor's office to reschedule an appointment - the call lasted all of two minutes and was perfectly simple, but it took me well over a week to work up to making the call. Of course, DH LOVES talking on the phone and thinks I'm being rude when I don't call people back right away - he just doesn't get that I need time to think over what I want to say to minimize the anxiety. Anyway, I'm really glad everyone knows the best way to get in touch with me is by email (except my aunt, but that's a whole other story!).

Oh, and DH is somehow convinced I'm actually an extrovert because apparently introverts never express their opinions or participate in conversations, even with people they know fairly well.

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#99 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 11:56 AM
 
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The only people I'll call without some amount of anxiety are my mom and DH.
Me too; my mother and my dp. I'm so glad to find people I have such things in common with! And, yeah, I'm pretty sure I express opinions and occasionally participate in conversations.

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

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#100 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 01:04 PM
 
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Yay the phone thing isn't just me. I hate calling people. Like LucyRev said, I feel like I'm interrupting their lives. Everyone's way busier then me, right? So why would they want to talk to me.

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#101 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 01:22 PM
 
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Oh YAY, me too! I HATE HATE HATE the phone. Mom and DH are the ONLY folks I can call w/o anxiety as well.

I too, have depression, GAD, and OCD... plus an eating disorder (currently in recovery)...

LucyRev, I'm like you, where
Quote:
I don't mind being in crowds. I actually love crowds at concerts and festivals where I don't know anyone except a friend or two.

I LOVE being anonymous in a crowd. I loved France, sitting at a cafe, watching people pass. Pure bliss. No one to talk to, no INTERRUPTIONS!, just pure observation-time.
And then my book.

I never really thought of myself as an introvert though, until I started reading this thread and such, like crabbyowl saying
Quote:
Oh, and DH is somehow convinced I'm actually an extrovert because apparently introverts never express their opinions or participate in conversations, even with people they know fairly well.

I thought (and my family too, and DH) that I was more extroverted, b/c with those few folks I DO let in my "bubble", I am very gregarious and engaging. Huh. Who knew.

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#102 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 03:12 PM
 
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with those few folks I DO let in my "bubble", I am very gregarious and engaging. Huh. Who knew.
I am this way too. I can be very talkative with people. I like to have fun. I love to discuss things. But I HATE small talk. Getting to know people is really hard for me. Sometimes it seems like when I am with people, I want to be alone and when I am alone, I want to be with people. After having DD, the alone time is getting better because it's so rare. Plus I am a sculptor and I've been working on my art more in my alone time.

I don't mind being near people. If I were to be in a crowd, I'd usually have one close friend or my family with me but now that I think about it, I wonder if I might prefer to be on my own like a PP said. I like to go to movies alone. I don't have to interact and I can see whatever I want.

At festivals, I usually have to prep my brain first, then make sure I don't get hungry and forget to eat (causes anxiety) and then I also have to know where I can find a quieter place where I can just kind of settle down. During a concert or such where everyone is focused on one thing, I am good with the collective consciousness energy, but in places like malls or other chaotic venues, I need to have a retreat space or limited time.

One thing that is a little odd perhaps is that I sometimes do like to be the center of attention, but not in a way that I have to interact with people much. I acted in a play once and loved it. I belly dance and love performing (if my mood is right). And I can work in an office doing customer service or retail or whatever and be mostly fine. But these are all roles that I play. If I separate things into playing a role, I can do extroverted for awhile.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#103 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 03:17 PM
 
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"Last year I booked a night in a motel down the street just so I could be 100% alone. It was absolute heaven. Some of my friends thought I was totally insane. My sister asked me why I wouldn't at least want to bring a friend. "

OMG, I FANTASIZE about doing this !!!! When I am totally overwhelmed, after a hard day and need to mentally go to a "happy place"....this is exactly what I imagine ! And when I drive past hotels around town, I think about how it would be to go spend a night there by myself, drinking decaf and reading until I drift off to sleep with nobody near me......oh, heaven !

Anyway...
I have this fantasy too! Someday I am going to do it for real.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#104 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 03:27 PM
 
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Ta-dah, your personality type is INFP!
Introverted (I) 96% Extraverted (E) 4%
Intuitive (N) 73% Sensing (S) 27%
Feeling (F) 70% Thinking (T) 30%
Perceiving (P) 77% Judging (J) 23%

Interesting to see the percentage breakdowns.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#105 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 05:22 PM
 
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check out this page on best matches for relationships for the personality types...

http://www.massmatch.com/MBTI-2.php?id=3

DP and are are "Possible" types for a relationship. I can see from reading this why that may be, this is interesting...love it...

Would be curious to know where others match up with their SO's

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#106 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 05:54 PM
 
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Oh-ho. Uh-oh. Ahem. My DH took the personality quiz this morning at my request. He's an INTJ! Which is a "least likely" match for me (INFP) according to the massmatch website... (a super-cool site, btw )
Anyhow, I did go to Barnes & Noble this morning and really delved into the Introvert Advantage. SUPER INTERESTING STUFF!!! Wow. I'm really loving this. : Anyhow, I really do think my DH & I have a pretty solid relationship, regardless (I do tremble when I read that our temperaments/personalities aren't well-suited, but... I'm trying not to give it TOO much credit or self-fulfill a prophecy there, anyway)... okay I'm rambling/all over the place...

I read in the Introvert Advantage that innies can SAY half of their thought, leaving people confused. I do this ALL the time (in posts, especially!) LOL.

Like one pp said, I don't FEEL introverted b/c my head is noisy.

Anyway! Mighty interesting, lots of food for thought (which I love, of course)...


SAHM to Chloe (02/28/08) & Samantha (10/06/10)... not quite crunchy - think of us as al dente, finding our way to self-sustainability & full-out crunchy living ... trial and error, one day at a time! 
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#107 of 792 Old 07-04-2009, 06:00 PM
 
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Oh-ho. Uh-oh. Ahem. My DH took the personality quiz this morning at my request. He's an INTJ! Which is a "least likely" match for me (INFP) according to the massmatch website...
He's a perfect match for me! Send him over!

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Anyhow, I really do think my DH & I have a pretty solid relationship, regardless (I do tremble when I read that our temperaments/personalities aren't well-suited, but... I'm trying not to give it TOO much credit or self-fulfill a prophecy there, anyway)... okay I'm rambling/all over the place...
Seriously, you don't need to worry about it ONE BIT. You can't put people into boxes the way that quiz and those match ups do. If you and your dh get along then you get along and that's the real authority.

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

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#108 of 792 Old 07-05-2009, 12:57 AM
 
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I'm an INTJ and dp is an ISTJ. Under ISTJ, INTJ is listed as a 'best type for a relationship.' Under INTJ, ISTJ is not listed anywhere and INFP is listed under two different categories, so I think there's an error.

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

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#109 of 792 Old 07-05-2009, 01:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm an INTJ and dp is an ISTJ. Under ISTJ, INTJ is listed as a 'best type for a relationship.' Under INTJ, ISTJ is not listed anywhere and INFP is listed under two different categories, so I think there's an error.
Hm. My DH is an ISTJ too (and I am an INTJ). Perhaps the above means we are the best possible match for our DH's but we ourselves could have done better!

Just kidding!
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#110 of 792 Old 07-05-2009, 01:38 AM
 
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Perhaps the above means we are the best possible match for our DH's but we ourselves could have done better!
I wasn't gonna say it

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

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#111 of 792 Old 07-05-2009, 05:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I do like being married to another 'I' though. When we first started dating we'd go 'out' to festivals and such (which really stresses me out. I don't like big crowd events at all) because we thought we had to be sociable and 'fun' to be good dates and once we got to know each other and found out we both were relieved when we got to leave and go home where it's quiet we laughed ... and haven't been to any big crowd events since.
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#112 of 792 Old 07-05-2009, 01:32 PM
 
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I just took that test and this is EXACTLY me lol... I got 100% introverted lol

Ta-dah, your personality type is INTJ!
Introverted (I) 100% Extraverted (E) 0%
Intuitive (N) 59% Sensing (S) 41%
Thinking (T) 70% Feeling (F) 30%
Judging (J) 77% Perceiving (P) 23%

Another 100% introvert here.

Personality test results

Ta-dah, your personality type is ISTJ!

Introverted (I) 100%Extraverted (E) 0%
Sensing (S) 50%Intuitive (N) 50%
Thinking (T) 65%Feeling (F) 35%
Judging (J) 73%Perceiving (P) 27%

---

I think only having 174 posts in 4 years is another good indicator.

There is another message board (completely unrelated to mom/parenting sites) I have belonged to for 9 years now and have less than 600 posts there.

- Jen, Mama to DS1 (02.04.05) and DS2 (02.11.10) & baby #3 due in early January 2013

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#113 of 792 Old 07-05-2009, 04:13 PM
 
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One thing that is a little odd perhaps is that I sometimes do like to be the center of attention, but not in a way that I have to interact with people much. I acted in a play once and loved it. I belly dance and love performing (if my mood is right). And I can work in an office doing customer service or retail or whatever and be mostly fine. But these are all roles that I play. If I separate things into playing a role, I can do extroverted for awhile.
Me too! I'm a sabre fencer (or at least I was before we ended up not having the money for it anymore two years ago ), and I'm a TOTAL alpha-female when I fence! I'm super aggressive and can't stand losing, especially to other women. I was once told that I attack like a barbarian, and yes it was meant as a compliment! I'm a totally different person than I am normally. : (And I've always wanted to use that smiley!)

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#114 of 792 Old 07-05-2009, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hm. I think being drained by having to interact with large groups of people isn't the same to me as being competitive, etc. IMO.
Before I had kids I rode (horses) in competition and of course I loved winning, etc. I also was a marketing major and in college I also enjoyed giving presentations, etc.
Now send me to the mall 3 days before christmas... whole different story!
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#115 of 792 Old 07-05-2009, 06:05 PM
 
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I think only having 174 posts in 4 years is another good indicator.
Hey you have me beat. I have 45, well 46 with this one, in the last 3 years.

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#116 of 792 Old 07-06-2009, 12:32 AM
 
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#117 of 792 Old 07-06-2009, 12:36 AM
 
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Another website I saw said all my matches were Extroverts...I personally feel I would rather be with another Intro...

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#118 of 792 Old 07-06-2009, 12:56 PM
 
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Another website I saw said all my matches were Extroverts...I personally feel I would rather be with another Intro...

DP is less intro than me and can handle and greatly enjoys concerts/festivals..(ones where his fav's play anyway)....but me on the other hand, I get quite a bit of anxious, almost of panic, fight or flight feeling,,,,I have had some fantastic times dancing at shows but it has to be the right time and energy for me otherwise it is hellish...usually at that time of the month when I get super sensitive to all stimuli....
I feel the same way - if the mood is right, I'm great. Otherwise it's like torture.

And now for something completely different.......


Right now I am feeling worried about a meeting at the end of the week. I am newly elected to be a board member at our UU church. But the first meeting of the new board was quite overwhelming. I left feeling confused, my brain overfilled, and I felt scattered. I just read the minutes to be approved before our next meeting and now I'm feeling all the same ways again.

I really hope it calms down a bit. I do like to get out and do adult things with adult people and use my brain. I am currently a SAHM and this is why I agreed to serve on the board - so I could do some work I care about with other adults. But now I am having second thoughts. I've decided to just ride it out for awhile and see if I can settle into it, but right now it's stressing me out.

The actual meetings only have 9 people and I know all of them and they're nice people. I volunteered to act as the new secretary - mostly taking minutes and sending out email communications, stuff I normally do in the committee I was already on and will be leaving. But later I found out there is a task listed on my position that may involve uncomfortable phone calls. I have decided that I am going to have to tell the other board members that I just cannot do that task. I think the out-going secretary will be willing to do this part, but it still makes me nervous and I am doubting myself a lot.

I can't wait until the library gets my Introvert Power book in so I can focus my nervousness on finding introvert-friendly ways of being effective rather than feeling like it's a liability.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#119 of 792 Old 07-06-2009, 01:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Starflower View Post
Right now I am feeling worried about a meeting at the end of the week. I am newly elected to be a board member at our UU church. But the first meeting of the new board was quite overwhelming. I left feeling confused, my brain overfilled, and I felt scattered. I just read the minutes to be approved before our next meeting and now I'm feeling all the same ways again.

<snip>

The actual meetings only have 9 people and I know all of them and they're nice people. I volunteered to act as the new secretary - mostly taking minutes and sending out email communications, stuff I normally do in the committee I was already on and will be leaving. But later I found out there is a task listed on my position that may involve uncomfortable phone calls. I have decided that I am going to have to tell the other board members that I just cannot do that task. I think the out-going secretary will be willing to do this part, but it still makes me nervous and I am doubting myself a lot.
Funny, I just joined the board of a non-profit and went through similar thoughts & feelings. In addition to being extremely introverted, I have the problem that although this non-profit's mission is something I care deeply about, I don't have much experience or outside knowledge to bring to the table. So I was feeling doubly insecure... until I had a private conversation with the ED which resulted in a great meeting where we all talked quite explicitly about what each person's role on the board would be. (I mean role in terms of personality, not job description.) Just getting the topic out in the open helped a lot and I am much more comfortable with the board now. They KNOW I'm not going to be the one schmoozing with donors!

I would strongly encourage you to do the same. Bring it up at the next meeting (or in private, like I did). I'm sure your org would rather have people do the tasks they are best suited for.

16yo DS; 13yo DD; 9yo DS

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#120 of 792 Old 07-06-2009, 09:33 PM
 
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Well, 4th of July was a hit for the kids. The heat made me feel ill. I drank lots of water, and even ate watermelon in between, but the heat was just too much for me. I had a headache for a couple days after. No one spoke to me, I spoke to no one other than my girls, stepson and husband, because I didn't know anyone there. It was a bit depressing and I hate thinking about how isolated I feel. I don't know why no one up here ever talks to me or starts conversations with me like people used to do all the time. All I can figure is because now I'm older, fatter, and less appealing. Or maybe now I am just less enthusiastic and less hopeful and maybe other people sense that about me and stay away.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mystic~mama View Post
I'm glad to hear that mama...their definitely more of us out there....I wear camisole tops underneath (I cut out the elastic part)...seems totally normal to me now after about 4 years and it is true what they say about your breasts getting healthier, I nursed for 4.5 years and mine are aging pretty gracefully...

blessings
Well, I have been bra free since being frustrated with my nursing bras. I was always without a bra after work once home, but after having my daughters, I haven't worked. Therefore, I've had little to no need for a bra. I'm still self-conscious, though. Years of my mom's influence are not easy to remove from one's mind. But I'm happy with my choice. I'm afraid if I ever return to work, I'll once again feel the pressure to wear a bra and the decision alone will stress me out.

From the personality site:
I tested as ISFJ, so I'm not all that introverted after all.

Strong need to belong and to have harmony
Very good with details and the here-and-now
Trust the lessons of the past, rather than try new things
Amazing command of the facts
Do not like confrontation
Need to be appreciated for their contributions
Under stress: can become rigid

Best types for a relationship: ISFJ, ENFJ, ESTJ
Possible types for a relationship: ESFJ, ESTP, ISFP, INFJ, INFP, ESFP, ISTJ, ISFP
Least likely types for a relationship: ENTJ, INTJ, ENTP, INTP, ENFP
Percentage of the US population: 9-12%

But I am a rare specimen, being only 9-12% of the US population. Perhaps it's just proof that I should be living in another country.

Katreena, peace.gif 39 year old Alaskan treehugger.gif Mama to 1 hearts.gif and 1 lady.gif gd.gif
 
 
 
 

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