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Introvert Mamas?

68K views 792 replies 161 participants last post by  StarJune 
#1 ·
Quote:
Definition: Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.

Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."

When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective.

Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk.
Whew I just survived another play date at my house! But it definitely is draining for me.
Any other mamas out there that fit the description above?
 
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#77 ·
Introvert here. I have been reading the posts, but I thought I would post a reply. In addition to be introverted, I am also painfully shy. So I never meet people and that's okay with me. I don't have kids at the moment, but when I had foster kids it was definitely hard for me. After working with people all day, all I wanted to do was go home and relax. But as a single parent to 2 kids I couldn't do that. So by the time the girls moved in with their grandmother, I was so stressed that it was a relief for them to be gone. It made me sad to feel that way. I missed them terribly, but I needed down time. I am reading The Introvert Advantage right now and am learning a lot. I plan to try to get pregnant in the next year, but I think that I am only going to have the one. Two was too many, but I want a child. I think I could handle one.

I always thought I was weird growing up because I never wanted to go do things with people from school. It didn't bother me that I didn't have many friends, but because people make such a big deal about having lots of friends it made me feel weird. I learning to embrace my introvertedness (is that a word?
). It makes me who I am.

Wow this ended up being longer then I thought it was going to be.
 
#78 ·
Oh, I cannot begin to express how much I can relate to every. single. comment. made on this thread!

Subbing, for sure...


Oh yes, and according to the quiz Karin kindly posted:

Ta-dah, your personality type is INFP!
Introverted (I) 82% Extraverted (E) 18%
Intuitive (N) 82% Sensing (S) 18%
Feeling (F) 65% Thinking (T) 35%
Perceiving (P) 77% Judging (J) 23%
 
#79 ·
I'm INFP or INFJ? I can't remember. Maybe I should retake the test.

My oldest daughter seems very similar. She's only 6, but I'm noticing that she only cares to have a few close friends and being around too many other kids really wears her out. I was same way, but she seems to gravitate towards girls who have lots of other friends. I wonder if she'll start to feel strange about that? Feeling like she cares about them more than they care about her? I just don't want her feelings hurt. I guess that is inevitable, but I feel like I should provide more opportunities for her to make friends so there isn't so much importance wrapped up in these 2 girls.

There have been a few times that kids have said, "I don't want to be your friend anymore!" over something silly, and it bring her to tears because she really thinks they mean it and doesn't understand why anyone would be so cruel. But then she has also overheard kids making fun of her for being quiet or calling her a slowpoke, and she just looked at them and didn't care at all because it was true.

I just picked up Introvert Advantage from the library. Excited to read it.
 
#80 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by LucyRev
I'm INFP or INFJ? I can't remember. Maybe I should retake the test.

My oldest daughter seems very similar. She's only 6, but I'm noticing that she only cares to have a few close friends and being around too many other kids really wears her out. I was same way, but she seems to gravitate towards girls who have lots of other friends. I wonder if she'll start to feel strange about that? Feeling like she cares about them more than they care about her? I just don't want her feelings hurt. I guess that is inevitable, but I feel like I should provide more opportunities for her to make friends so there isn't so much importance wrapped up in these 2 girls.

There have been a few times that kids have said, "I don't want to be your friend anymore!" over something silly, and it bring her to tears because she really thinks they mean it and doesn't understand why anyone would be so cruel. But then she has also overheard kids making fun of her for being quiet or calling her a slowpoke, and she just looked at them and didn't care at all because it was true.
She sounds JUST how I was at that age! I remember trying to win the hearts of the girls with many friends, as I think I hoped it would make me feel less ostracized, like I would fit in a bit better... but oh my, how they could make me cry, too!

Ugh, social pressure.

Sigh, hurt feelings.

In some odd way, it is SO nice to know I'm not the only one out there like this.
 
#83 ·
I am obviously loving this thread.

DH is out at a ballgame, DD is asleep, I am enjoying reading "stuff" online and listening to the random firework go off, dog bark, train pass, or folks walk by (window open)... very nice...

I came across a website whilst perusing my personality type (very cool, new stuff for me!) and I thought I'd share it here, FWIW:

http://livingintroverted.com/



All my love, mamas!
Lindsey
 
#85 ·
Looking through it further, it is interesting, but not *quite* what I was hoping it would be.

Any other folks have links to share?


~~~

Curious too, what types of movies/books/topics we like, as introverts... and if anybody else has struggled / struggles with depression or other mental health problems. I read somewhere online tonight, too, that INFPs often have difficulty with anxiety/depression/etc. Just curious! It's interesting to me, since I've struggled with depression for quite awhile, never really been able to kick it regardless of meds or not, or different therapy approaches (DBT, etc.)

Anyway, I digress.
 
#86 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by principii View Post
Looking through it further, it is interesting, but not *quite* what I was hoping it would be.

Any other folks have links to share?


~~~

Curious too, what types of movies/books/topics we like, as introverts... and if anybody else has struggled / struggles with depression or other mental health problems. I read somewhere online tonight, too, that INFPs often have difficulty with anxiety/depression/etc. Just curious! It's interesting to me, since I've struggled with depression for quite awhile, never really been able to kick it regardless of meds or not, or different therapy approaches (DBT, etc.)

Anyway, I digress.

I'm really into drama and fantasy books. And I have struggles with depression and anxiety and other mental health problems daily.
 
#87 ·
Drama and fantasy! Me too!!


I feel ya in the mental health dept. as well.
 
#88 ·
I like to read L.M. Montgomery, Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte, Jean Auel, and Douglas Adams.

I have anxiety disorder.
 
#89 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by KBinSATX View Post
Oh I like the Introverts United group already! They have the personality test link on their group page and ...
Ta-dah, your personality type is INTJ!
Introverted (I) 89% Extraverted (E) 11%
Intuitive (N) 59% Sensing (S) 41%
Thinking (T) 55% Feeling (F) 45%
Judging (J) 77% Perceiving (P) 23%

http://kisa.ca/personality/
Today, I am:

Ta-dah, your personality type is ISFJ!
Introverted (I) 61% Extraverted (E) 39%
Sensing (S) 68% Intuitive (N) 32%
Feeling (F) 80% Thinking (T) 20%
Judging (J) 59% Perceiving (P) 41%
 
#90 ·
Down to Earth, I share the same journey as you. Feeling weird about being myself growing up. Also enjoyed having an evening by myself after hours of school (and all that you said). It is nice to be in a state of mind where I am happy to be me and don't have a need to please others. Just accept who I am. I think schools are a very unnatural environment for children only made for certain types of personalities. Maybe that is where anxieties start, because we don't feel accepted...
Also, speaking of similar interests, I am wondering if introverted people tend to live similar lifestyles like parenting styles. If we don't have such a big need to belong to big groups, we are less depended on their approval and choices from the outside or the main stream. Maybe it is easier for "us" to make choices closer to our heart. I have always been different in that way, where I never had a need to belong or follow peer pressure. Maybe because we don't care that much about other people (like strangers) and we are not scared to be left alone... just some thoughts...
 
#91 ·
Oh yeah. I don't think I ever worried about fitting in. In 5th & 6th grade, almost every girl in my class was obsessed with name brands. They would take the tags off their clothes and stick them onto their notebooks. They all took dance and piano classes. My family was pretty broke, so I didn't have any of that stuff. For a while I was hanging out with the "cool girls" and discovered how very different we were. I remember actually trying to explain to them that I did not fit in.


I usually fit in with a small group of people who also didn't really fit in. Freaks & Geeks are the truly cool ones anyway right?


Not being scared to be left alone is interesting... I never really thought about that. I've never been scared to be alone and never understood friends of mine that are scared when their husbands are away.
 
#92 ·
Yeah, I never cared about fitting in and I was never susceptible to peer pressure. I always just made whatever choices I felt like making.

I just joined the wild & free tribe right before this one and I didn't even realize they were related.
 
#93 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by hemmamamma View Post
Down to Earth, I share the same journey as you. Feeling weird about being myself growing up. Also enjoyed having an evening by myself after hours of school (and all that you said). It is nice to be in a state of mind where I am happy to be me and don't have a need to please others. Just accept who I am. I think schools are a very unnatural environment for children only made for certain types of personalities. Maybe that is where anxieties start, because we don't feel accepted...
Also, speaking of similar interests, I am wondering if introverted people tend to live similar lifestyles like parenting styles. If we don't have such a big need to belong to big groups, we are less depended on their approval and choices from the outside or the main stream. Maybe it is easier for "us" to make choices closer to our heart. I have always been different in that way, where I never had a need to belong or follow peer pressure. Maybe because we don't care that much about other people (like strangers) and we are not scared to be left alone... just some thoughts...
I too don't feel that school is a natural environment. It took me a long time to be happy with myself. School was not good for me. I wished throughout my whole childhood, especially in high school, that my mom would homeschool me. But I never asked.

I definitely agree that being introverts we don't tend to follow the "herd". Because we don't have the need to fit in and be like everyone else. I definitely liked to be left alone. I think that's one reason I didn't like doing foster care. I had all these people looking over my shoulder. I understand it, but I didn't like it.
 
#94 ·
subbing.

Wow! I have been exploring introvert/extrovert issues just this very week and look what I found on MDC. Coincidence? I don't think so.


I am an introverted SAHM to 6-yr old DD who is a major extrovert. If she's not with a group of people, she feels she must be interacting with me and demands 100% attention or else listening to books on tape, etc. and having constant noise of people talking. It's driving me crazy right now. DH is also mostly an introvert.

I had a talk with DD yesterday about introverts and extroverts and how she and I have differing needs in that respect. Later she told me, "Mom, I think I understand now why you've been kind of grumpy." So we're closer to understanding. Hopefully, we'll find a way to meet both our needs.

I have Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength by Laurie Helgoe Ph.D. on hold right now at our library. I'm excited for it to come in.

Last time I did the Myers-Briggs I ended up with INFP. I will have to check it again and see what the percentages are just for fun.

I also have a history or anxiety (panic disorder), depression and OCD. What a fun combination....NOT! Currently working with an ND on these issues, which reminds me I need to call her and haven't because I hate calling people on the phone. Email has helped me stay social by arranging things online. I do like to be with friends one-on-one or sometimes even in very small groups if I know everyone. I really have to prepare myself mentally to go to a concert or some event with lots of people though. And then I need a lot of down-time.

Looking forward to reading the other responses on here.
 
#95 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Starflower View Post
I do like to be with friends one-on-one or sometimes even in very small groups if I know everyone. I really have to prepare myself mentally to go to a concert or some event with lots of people though. And then I need a lot of down-time.

Looking forward to reading the other responses on here.
I'm in preparation mode for this Saturday when we plan on taking the three kids to the VFW in Wasilla for the annual 4th of July kid stuff they do there. Heat. People. Heat. Strangers. Heat. Required bra. Heat. Ugh.
 
#96 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Starflower
Currently working with an ND on these issues, which reminds me I need to call her and haven't because I hate calling people on the phone. Email has helped me stay social by arranging things online.
I HATE talking to people on the phone. I've always felt that the internet is made for me. Email is perfect. Faster than snail mail but I can think about what to say. People are always asking me for my phone number and I give them my email address instead and they look at me like I'm nuts.
 
#97 ·
I also hate talking on the phone! I put off making appointments because I hate it so much. Once a friend of mine remembered she needed to make a dentist appt when I was at her house, and she did it RIGHT THEN! I was totally flabbergasted.
Plus I'm scared of the dentist, I think more because I hate somebody being that far up in my face than because of pain.

I like talking to my closest friends on the phone, but I still hate calling them because I feel like I'm interrupting their lives. Maybe because when I'm having a bad day, the sound of the phone ringing really bugs me and I project that on everyone else?

I don't mind being in crowds. I actually love crowds at concerts and festivals where I don't know anyone except a friend or two. It's like the crowd is just one big entity of collective consciousness, and that actually really energizes me. However, if it's a big party where I have to meet people and talk, I do need lots of preparation.

Introvert Power...going on the library request list.
Thanks!
 
#98 ·
I also dealt with depression for a long time when I was younger, and almost always read fantasy and historical fiction, with the occasional biography thrown in.

Also, I HATE phone calls!
: The only people I'll call without some amount of anxiety are my mom and DH. I recently had to call the doctor's office to reschedule an appointment - the call lasted all of two minutes and was perfectly simple, but it took me well over a week to work up to making the call. Of course, DH LOVES talking on the phone and thinks I'm being rude when I don't call people back right away - he just doesn't get that I need time to think over what I want to say to minimize the anxiety. Anyway, I'm really glad everyone knows the best way to get in touch with me is by email (except my aunt, but that's a whole other story!).

Oh, and DH is somehow convinced I'm actually an extrovert because apparently introverts never express their opinions or participate in conversations, even with people they know fairly well.
 
#99 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by crabbyowl
The only people I'll call without some amount of anxiety are my mom and DH.
Me too; my mother and my dp. I'm so glad to find people I have such things in common with! And, yeah, I'm pretty sure I express opinions and occasionally participate in conversations.
 
#101 ·
Oh YAY, me too! I HATE HATE HATE the phone. Mom and DH are the ONLY folks I can call w/o anxiety as well.

I too, have depression, GAD, and OCD... plus an eating disorder (currently in recovery)...

LucyRev, I'm like you, where

Quote:
I don't mind being in crowds. I actually love crowds at concerts and festivals where I don't know anyone except a friend or two.

I LOVE being anonymous in a crowd. I loved France, sitting at a cafe, watching people pass. Pure bliss. No one to talk to, no INTERRUPTIONS!, just pure observation-time.
And then my book.


I never really thought of myself as an introvert though, until I started reading this thread and such, like crabbyowl saying

Quote:
Oh, and DH is somehow convinced I'm actually an extrovert because apparently introverts never express their opinions or participate in conversations, even with people they know fairly well.

I thought (and my family too, and DH) that I was more extroverted, b/c with those few folks I DO let in my "bubble", I am very gregarious and engaging. Huh. Who knew.
 
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