Introvert Mamas? - Page 9 - Mothering Forums

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#241 of 792 Old 08-06-2009, 07:32 PM
 
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PurityLake - you live in Alaska, right? In my wildest recluse dreams I live in Alaska - do you like living there? Have you always lived there?
This is my wild recluse dream too.

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#242 of 792 Old 08-06-2009, 07:38 PM
 
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This is my wild recluse dream too.


Hey Aurora! I think that 90s show Northern Exposure is responsible for my love of Alaska - until I found out Cicely doesn't actually exist. Oh well, a girl can dream.
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#243 of 792 Old 08-06-2009, 07:40 PM
 
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Hey Aurora! I think that 90s show Northern Exposure is responsible for my love of Alaska - until I found out Cicely doesn't actually exist. Oh well, a girl can dream.
I LOVE that show! I have the first 4 seasons on DVD. I love how everyone is so quirky.

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#244 of 792 Old 08-06-2009, 07:51 PM
 
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I love this thread
I am a definite introvert. So is my dh and dd.
The only extrovert I can think of in my family is my dad.
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#245 of 792 Old 08-06-2009, 07:57 PM
 
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WOW! Now I know why I'm the way I am. If I don't get my alone time, I'm a total grouch.
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#246 of 792 Old 08-06-2009, 08:00 PM
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My BIL and SIL will be in town this weekend. They're both very talkative, outgoing people and they drain me!

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#247 of 792 Old 08-06-2009, 08:12 PM
 
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I LOVE that show! I have the first 4 seasons on DVD. I love how everyone is so quirky.
That's awesome!!! I got my hubs into it, and I knew we were right for each other when we both unknowingly bought each other Seasons 1&2 for Christmas! You're right - there are so many unabashedly quirky characters!
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#248 of 792 Old 08-06-2009, 08:18 PM
 
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WOW! Now I know why I'm the way I am. If I don't get my alone time, I'm a total grouch.


Me too, but I never really gave it much thought before. I picked up Introvert Power at the library today and I've enjoyed the first couple chapters. The author stresses how being introverted isn't bad, just not as accepted in western society. She says we do a disservice to ourselves when we don't give ourselves time to recharge. Good to know!

I'm so glad I saw this thread and you all got me thinking about this - it's great to come to some sort of acceptance of being the way I am. :
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#249 of 792 Old 08-06-2009, 09:50 PM
 
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Hi everyone!

I'm curious about something. I was a at a funeral for a really good friend's father . . . and I was thinking, could the whole wake/funeral process be any worse for a grieving introvert? I grieve in private, period . . . and then to have to make mindless chit chat with people who are uncomfortable with death and don't know what to say, but feel they have to talk to you :

Anyone else feel the same??

Samm
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#250 of 792 Old 08-06-2009, 10:14 PM
 
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Does it bother you that whenever you do have something you want to be heard, they don't seem truly interested in it - instead they just nod politely then talk more about themselves?

I'm the sounding board for some of my coworkers whenever they have a problem, and I like listening to them and ask a lot of questions to show I'm interested. But when I (very rarely) have something I want to share, I'd appreciate if they sounded at marginally interested.
For me, I tend to get bothered by the fact that the whole time I'm talking, it seems like they're simply waiting for their chance to talk as well instead of really hearing what I have to say. Which is, now that I'm thinking about it, exactly what you said above. Just doesn't make it worth my while to talk most of the time, lol!

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#251 of 792 Old 08-07-2009, 12:05 AM
 
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could the whole wake/funeral process be any worse for a grieving introvert? I grieve in private, period . . . and then to have to make mindless chit chat with people ...
Funerals don't do a thing for me. They don't help me at all. If anything, they make it worse. They just upset me.

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#252 of 792 Old 08-07-2009, 02:28 AM
 
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My BIL and SIL will be in town this weekend. They're both very talkative, outgoing people and they drain me!
Good luck! At least it's just for the weekend - they will go home. I hope you get some good downtime in between conversations. Find an errand to do alone or something? Having company really stresses me out, even if it's people I really like.

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Me too, but I never really gave it much thought before. I picked up Introvert Power at the library today and I've enjoyed the first couple chapters. The author stresses how being introverted isn't bad, just not as accepted in western society. She says we do a disservice to ourselves when we don't give ourselves time to recharge. Good to know!

I'm so glad I saw this thread and you all got me thinking about this - it's great to come to some sort of acceptance of being the way I am. :
I just finished this book and dropped it off at the library tonight. (Had to because someone else had a hold on it - see we're out here!) I really liked the book. The author seemed very authentic and it was personal - a book by a real introvert, easy to relate to.

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Hi everyone!

I'm curious about something. I was a at a funeral for a really good friend's father . . . and I was thinking, could the whole wake/funeral process be any worse for a grieving introvert? I grieve in private, period . . . and then to have to make mindless chit chat with people who are uncomfortable with death and don't know what to say, but feel they have to talk to you :

Anyone else feel the same??

Samm
I avoid funerals whenever possible. The last time I attended one was about 17 years ago, and I had a panic attack.

I prefer to grieve on my own, in my own way - and not with other people. I'd rather be alone than have a shoulder to cry on. I hate being emotional in front of other people. It just feels too vulnerable.


And here's something good that happened today:
Extrovert DD and I had a rough day today. I was grumpy. DH came home and asked what I wanted to do for dinner. I paused a moment and said, "actually, I'd like to go out for dinner - by myself." He wished me a nice dinner. I grabbed a burrito but didn't feel like being in the hub-bub of a restaurant, so I got it to go and listed to BBC World News in my car. Then I went to the library. I felt much better, DD and DH had some time together and everyone was in a better mood when I got home.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#253 of 792 Old 08-07-2009, 02:46 AM
 
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Hi everyone!

I'm curious about something. I was a at a funeral for a really good friend's father . . . and I was thinking, could the whole wake/funeral process be any worse for a grieving introvert? I grieve in private, period . . . and then to have to make mindless chit chat with people who are uncomfortable with death and don't know what to say, but feel they have to talk to you :

Anyone else feel the same??

Samm
Finally! Someone who understands! I Hate funerals WAY more than I hate parties. Amd I don't like parties.
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#254 of 792 Old 08-07-2009, 07:46 AM
 
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And here's something good that happened today:
Extrovert DD and I had a rough day today. I was grumpy. DH came home and asked what I wanted to do for dinner. I paused a moment and said, "actually, I'd like to go out for dinner - by myself." He wished me a nice dinner. I grabbed a burrito but didn't feel like being in the hub-bub of a restaurant, so I got it to go and listed to BBC World News in my car. Then I went to the library. I felt much better, DD and DH had some time together and everyone was in a better mood when I got home.
Good on you! Being in a library is so heavenly. You are expected to be quiet - glorious!
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#255 of 792 Old 08-07-2009, 09:48 AM
 
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And here's something good that happened today:
Extrovert DD and I had a rough day today. I was grumpy. DH came home and asked what I wanted to do for dinner. I paused a moment and said, "actually, I'd like to go out for dinner - by myself." He wished me a nice dinner. I grabbed a burrito but didn't feel like being in the hub-bub of a restaurant, so I got it to go and listed to BBC World News in my car. Then I went to the library. I felt much better, DD and DH had some time together and everyone was in a better mood when I got home.
:

People I know would call me very weird for thinking that this sounds like pure heaven!!! LOL.

Funerals...hmm, I haven't been to many at all, luckily, but I'm the same. Being around people when I'm super emotionally heightened it pure torture.
Hand in hand with parties....

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#256 of 792 Old 08-07-2009, 11:35 AM
 
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This might have been posted already, not sure.

Sorry if it has, but it goes more indepth on the personality types...

http://www.personalitypage.com/

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#257 of 792 Old 08-07-2009, 02:24 PM
 
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Funerals don't do a thing for me. They don't help me at all. If anything, they make it worse. They just upset me.
When I'm grieving, I appreciate some hugs and sharing feelings with loved ones for a short time, but funerals are way too much. I feel everyone else's pain along with my own. Even if I wasn't close with the person who died, I end up a sobbing mess.

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And here's something good that happened today: Extrovert DD and I had a rough day today. I was grumpy. DH came home and asked what I wanted to do for dinner. I paused a moment and said, "actually, I'd like to go out for dinner - by myself." He wished me a nice dinner. I grabbed a burrito but didn't feel like being in the hub-bub of a restaurant, so I got it to go and listed to BBC World News in my car. Then I went to the library. I felt much better, DD and DH had some time together and everyone was in a better mood when I got home.
I have done that too and loved it! Dinner and a movie by myself. I got to the theater early and sat in the parking lot listening to music in the car and sipping my milkshake. :

The sibling question: I have one sister, 2.5 yrs younger. She is extremely extroverted. We went camping together, and she got bored at night and went walking around trying to make new friends with the other campers! That is not something I would ever do. In a zillion years. She's the kind of person who has to be talking to someone all the time. We drive each other crazy. She has always thought there's something wrong with me, or that I have low self esteem or something. I think after 30 yrs, she finally realizes that I am fine. Just different than she is. She is very concerned with how other people think of her, while I'm not. She has hundreds of acquaintances, but few true friends. My parents are both on the introverted side. My mom more than my dad, but I think neither are as much as me. My oldest DD is an innie for sure. My other DD seems to be too, but I could see her being more comfortable with people once her speech gets better.
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#258 of 792 Old 08-10-2009, 12:57 AM
 
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#259 of 792 Old 08-10-2009, 11:57 AM
 
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Does anybody know a good book on an introverted parent raising an extroverted child?

Almost of all my internet searches lead to speical parenting books geared toward raising an introverted child.

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#260 of 792 Old 08-10-2009, 06:02 PM
 
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I just had to join in on this thread once I found it, and that is so not like me. I am either ISTJ or ISFJ, but mostly ISTJ and heavy on the "I". In addition to that, I have always been somewhat shy. It's only within the last year that I've realized how much I've allowed the two to feed into each other. I'd be afraid to do something, so I'd convince myself that I just don't like people, but I do -- just in smaller doses. DD had her first full weekend away from home this past weekend and DH had to work, and I do love them both, but it was pure heaven for me to have so much alone time for the first time in so long. I have read both Introvert Power and Introvert Advantage and definitely recommend them both. There is a small chapter on parenting in Introvert Advantage, but I'd like to hear about any additional books on parenting an extrovert as well because I am so far introverted that having a borderline DD is a pretty major challenge for me.
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#261 of 792 Old 08-10-2009, 06:53 PM
 
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Does anybody know a good book on an introverted parent raising an extroverted child?

Almost of all my internet searches lead to speical parenting books geared toward raising an introverted child.
I'm interested in this, too.
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#262 of 792 Old 08-10-2009, 08:39 PM
 
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Does anybody know a good book on an introverted parent raising an extroverted child?

Almost of all my internet searches lead to speical parenting books geared toward raising an introverted child.
Add me to this list as well. I am just kind of making it up as I go along.

I don't know of any except that Kids, Parents and Power Struggles touches on this briefly with a few tips. It's by the author of the Spirited Child books (Mary Sheedy Kurcinka). She explains intro and extro very well in there - especially in kids. I already pretty much got the intro kid stuff because that was me, but the book did help me learn a bit more about my extroverted DD and why she does what she does. She also explains more about Thinking vs. Feeling types which I also found helpful.

So far, it's helped a lot that DD has learned to read. We can now have reading time together where she is quiet and engaged yet close by which she desires. Sometimes she still interrupts a lot, but she's working on that. She just wants to share. I get her audio books from the library regularly and she listens to them over and over. Sometimes to the point it drives me crazy so I think it's time to get her a personal CD player so she doesn't have to use ours that's in the living room. The weird thing is that DD will read books to herself while listening to books on CD. That drives me nuts. Not sure if that's a learning style thing or anything to worry about, but sometimes I just have to have NO NOISE in the house and make her turn it off. I think the quiet gets to her as much as the noise gets to me! It's definitely a challenge to be an innie and parenting an outie. Mine is an only as well, so it's nearly impossible to get her as much social time as she prefers.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#263 of 792 Old 08-11-2009, 10:12 AM
 
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The weird thing is that DD will read books to herself while listening to books on CD. That drives me nuts. Not sure if that's a learning style thing or anything to worry about, but sometimes I just have to have NO NOISE in the house and make her turn it off. I think the quiet gets to her as much as the noise gets to me! It's definitely a challenge to be an innie and parenting an outie. Mine is an only as well, so it's nearly impossible to get her as much social time as she prefers.
Bolding is mine. I have an only as well...AND I'm a single parent.
This is so true with us as well. I tried to institute "reading/quiet hour", but it drove my son nuts...which, in turn, drove me even more batty.
Instead we walk down to the park and I read while he's playing with all the kids. We stay there until the sun goes down and then we spend our quality time together from then until "lights out". This will be great until winter comes...not looking forward to that.

Thanks for the two suggestions. I've read those and they were good, but I would love to have a whole book dedicated to an intorvert parent with an extroverted child. Ugh.
I always feel like I'm having to make up parenting tricks on the fly to cope with my introversion.


On another note, after I read that section in Introvet Advantage about how introverts get weary because they take in so much information from their surroundings, I noticed at how much I pay attention to EVEYTHING around me at once.
Are you guys the same way? I can focus on something right in front of me, but my senses are BOMBARDED with everything from the birds, to the kids screaming a street over, to the barking dog, and the person in front of me.
Even at work...I hear everything around me. It's like I don't have a good enough filter.
I mean, I'm not scatterbrained or anything. I can narrowly focus...it's just that everything else gets in around that focus as well and I'm forced to process it as well.
I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm highly sensing and feeling too.

Do extroverts not have this problem? Can they tune all that out and suck energy from what's right in front of them?

I guess I'm not really asking for an answer...just musing...need somewhere to put introvert thoughts that nobody around me understands.

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#264 of 792 Old 08-11-2009, 04:31 PM
 
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"I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush."
:

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch


I think I'm becoming the extrovert of this thread!

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#265 of 792 Old 08-11-2009, 05:34 PM
 
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I am really sensitive to sound too. When I watch TV, I keep the sound as low as possible. My DH bought this ridiculous speaker system with a subwoofer for his computer, and I absolutely hate it. The bass is so loud, it upsets me. Our "hobby room" has his rack of computers and my sewing stuff. I don't even like sewing in there because of the electrical buzz and the hum of all those machines, plus the portable A/C unit now that it's been hot. I want my own room! A nice quiet one. Maybe a totally separate outbuilding! I feel visually bombarded in stores so I have to focus on just the thing I am looking for, and I get in people's way because I don't realize they are there. Oops.

When my kids fight and scream, I think the noise is more upsetting to me than the fact that they are upset with each other.
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#266 of 792 Old 08-11-2009, 10:10 PM
 
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I am really sensitive to sound too. When I watch TV, I keep the sound as low as possible. My DH bought this ridiculous speaker system with a subwoofer for his computer, and I absolutely hate it. The bass is so loud, it upsets me. Our "hobby room" has his rack of computers and my sewing stuff. I don't even like sewing in there because of the electrical buzz and the hum of all those machines, plus the portable A/C unit now that it's been hot. I want my own room! A nice quiet one. Maybe a totally separate outbuilding! I feel visually bombarded in stores so I have to focus on just the thing I am looking for, and I get in people's way because I don't realize they are there. Oops.

When my kids fight and scream, I think the noise is more upsetting to me than the fact that they are upset with each other.
Ditto, ditto and ditto! My dh spent a lot of money on our "theatre room" and he lives in there and doesn't get why I don't dig on the HUGE tv and surround sound speakers. Sometimes I like it for watching a movie, but it's just too much for regular tv. I don't need to feel like Jon and Kate are right beside me on the couch when I'm watching their show, you know?

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#267 of 792 Old 08-11-2009, 10:12 PM
 
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I would love a book like you describe, HappilyEvrAfter. I'm beginning to think that one of us will have to write it though.....

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#268 of 792 Old 08-11-2009, 10:22 PM
 
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Oh hey, I keep meaning to share this story with y'all because I figured this is one of the few places where people would "get" it, lol!

So, my grandmother was once married to a man who was a bootlegger (of gin, I believe). This was before they were married, btw. Anyhow, he got caught and sent to prison for several years. What's funny to me, is that he would often act out or be disruptive so that he would be put in solitary confinement - the one place most people try to avoid! Of his seven years in prison, he spent about 5 total in solitary by choice saying that he found the other inmates really annoying. I laughed when I heard the story because I can see the allure of solitary myself, lol!

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#269 of 792 Old 08-11-2009, 10:34 PM
 
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Oh hey, I keep meaning to share this story with y'all because I figured this is one of the few places where people would "get" it, lol!

So, my grandmother was once married to a man who was a bootlegger (of gin, I believe). This was before they were married, btw. Anyhow, he got caught and sent to prison for several years. What's funny to me, is that he would often act out or be disruptive so that he would be put in solitary confinement - the one place most people try to avoid! Of his seven years in prison, he spent about 5 total in solitary by choice saying that he found the other inmates really annoying. I laughed when I heard the story because I can see the allure of solitary myself, lol!
That is funny...because I think I'd have done the same thing!
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#270 of 792 Old 08-11-2009, 10:39 PM
 
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On another note, after I read that section in Introvet Advantage about how introverts get weary because they take in so much information from their surroundings, I noticed at how much I pay attention to EVEYTHING around me at once.
Are you guys the same way? I can focus on something right in front of me, but my senses are BOMBARDED with everything from the birds, to the kids screaming a street over, to the barking dog, and the person in front of me.
Even at work...I hear everything around me. It's like I don't have a good enough filter.
I mean, I'm not scatterbrained or anything. I can narrowly focus...it's just that everything else gets in around that focus as well and I'm forced to process it as well.
I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm highly sensing and feeling too.

Do extroverts not have this problem? Can they tune all that out and suck energy from what's right in front of them?

I guess I'm not really asking for an answer...just musing...need somewhere to put introvert thoughts that nobody around me understands.
I am the same way. Dh doesn't understand why I get so frazzled when he's telling me something (usually a long-winded story or his "thinking out loud at me" - total extrovert) and the baby's crying and the 2yo is asking for something and the TV is on. I just can't take it! And then dh is like "what is wrong with you?" and there's no trying to explain it to him. He just doesn't get it.
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