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#721 of 846 Old 03-31-2010, 04:18 PM
 
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I have been dealing with some challenges over the past couple of weeks. My dad went in for a simple cataract surgery. The procedure went well except the very next day he was in intense pain. He saw the doctor immediately who discovered a "horrid infection" in his eye. For two weeks he has gotten injections, drops of very expensive medication all to no avail. Today he sees the specialist who said he needed to have emergency surgery. Fortunately, I had accompanied him to the appointment and was able to ask questions. Her prognosis for him is 'guarded' and she indicated that he has months before they will know if his vision will return at all. We go quickly to the surgicenter where the eye surgeon does a quick examination. During this examination,my dad was unable to see any light at all. The surgeon turns to me and says, "this is not a good sign" and left the room. I read that as an indicator that it is worse than initially thought and that the chance for getting his vision back was hopeless. Of course, that remains to be determined and I'm trying to be hopeful. I'm scared and very concerned for my folks. They are quite active and my dad will have a difficult time accepting the loss of his vision if that comes to be. I told my mom she needs to be prepared for the worst case scenario and though she didn't want to hear that, I'm being realistic.

So while this is extremely difficult, I am more disappointed in my 'friends'. Earlier today I text my childhood friend, whom I've known forever. In fact, her dad was at the hospital with us. Her reply was... 'BUMMER'. WTH? That's all the consolation she has to offer. She lost a relative a few weeks ago. I was emailing, calling and texting her daily to see how they were holding up and all she could say was 'bummer'???

I told another friend when it happened two weeks ago and I've not heard one word from her. She went through a financial crisis, for which I not only offered assistance, but I stayed in daily contact with her to support her through a tough time. No emails, txts or calls from her at all.

I'm angry about my dad's situation but damn, I am pissed at my 'friends'. Michael tells me I'm being too sensitive and that I shouldn't expect people to act the same way I do. Maybe he's right but if you can't count on your friends during a time like this, when can you?

I am so hurt, scared and overwhelmed. It's hard to know what to do because truthfully, there's nothing to be done.
Thanks for listening.
I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. My thoughts are with you and your family. I hope they are able to help your father with the emergency surgery. I totally relate to being disappointed with "friends". In the past few years, I have gone through a lot and people who I thought would be there for me, were not. And then I question whether these people are really "friends" or just friendly acquaintances... I really can only count my true blue friends on one hand...and still have a few fingers left over. Again I am so sorry for what you are going through.
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#722 of 846 Old 03-31-2010, 04:27 PM
 
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I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. My thoughts are with you and your family. I hope they are able to help your father with the emergency surgery. I totally relate to being disappointed with "friends". In the past few years, I have gone through a lot and people who I thought would be there for me, were not. And then I question whether these people are really "friends" or just friendly acquaintances... I really can only count my true blue friends on one hand...and still have a few fingers left over. Again I am so sorry for what you are going through.
Thank you. It's such a tough pill to swallow. If I call you my friend, I mean I got your back through thick or thin. I find it so deeply disturbing that 'my girls" have left me hanging at such a difficult time. Sometimes I think I attract self-centered people because I am so accepting and giving. I think in some ways, it gives people the impression that I don't need. I don't know. Once my dad is better, I will find the strength to do what I need to do and perhaps that means, letting go. Thanks again!!!

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#723 of 846 Old 03-31-2010, 07:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Many hugs to you Purplegirl! I pray that it all turns out well for your dad.

And I know how painful it is in the midst of a crisis to realize full force that your friends are not friends. Often, that's the blessing in crises . . . it helps to make clear who's with us and who's not. I think it's true: you can't expect others to behave the way you do but you absolutely can expect to be treated the way you treat others. You deserve reciprocity in all your relationships and if these friends you have are not willing or able, it is time to re-evaluate and come up with a list of criteria or "must-haves" for any future girlfriends.

I have a few women I'm very friendly with but very few friends.

Stay-at-home mom to 2 beautiful.busy.boisterous boys b. 08.17.05 & 12.29.08
Nirvana is . . . the living happiness of a soul which is conscious of itself and conscious of having found its own abode in the heart of the Eternal. --Gandhi
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#724 of 846 Old 03-31-2010, 08:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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WOW! Congratulations Rootz! That is AWESOME! I know you have worked so hard on your weight loss. I am very happy for you! I think we are in the same boat, although I still want to lose more weight, I really am focusing on getting into serious shape, like six pack abs type shape! Which means bringing my body fat percentage down. I want actual definition and I am also thinking about getting certified in personal training. I can't wait to hear about your new goals in competing! Are you thinking like a Figure Competition? I have always wanted to do that... I am currently using the Bodybugg system (what they use on the Biggest Loser to measure how many calories the contestants burn while counting calories to create the deficit for weight loss) to lose the remainder of my weight/fat while I train for the Brooklyn Half Marathon in May. I needed a program that would help me lose weight while simultaneously improving my athletic performance so I am happy I found the Bodybugg.


The Bodybugg sounds so cool.

I am thinking about a figure competition although I'm so self conscious I don't know if I could ever do it. But I really want to challenge myself physically at some point some I may run a marathon like you!

Stay-at-home mom to 2 beautiful.busy.boisterous boys b. 08.17.05 & 12.29.08
Nirvana is . . . the living happiness of a soul which is conscious of itself and conscious of having found its own abode in the heart of the Eternal. --Gandhi
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#725 of 846 Old 03-31-2010, 09:31 PM
 
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Many hugs to you Purplegirl! I pray that it all turns out well for your dad.

And I know how painful it is in the midst of a crisis to realize full force that your friends are not friends. Often, that's the blessing in crises . . . it helps to make clear who's with us and who's not. I think it's true: you can't expect others to behave the way you do but you absolutely can expect to be treated the way you treat others. You deserve reciprocity in all your relationships and if these friends you have are not willing or able, it is time to re-evaluate and come up with a list of criteria or "must-haves" for any future girlfriends.

I have a few women I'm very friendly with but very few friends.
Thank you Rootz. My dad is home and in significant pain--terrible headache. The doctor said it is expected because of the inflammation and infection process. When I left he was asleep so I am hoping that means the pain was at least more bearable. During the surgery, the doc could not see his retina because the infection was just that bad. He's hoping that as it settles down, he will be able to assess the condition of the eye. It's a day by day thing.
The friend thing really has me pondering lots! ugh.

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#726 of 846 Old 04-02-2010, 06:40 PM
 
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Many hugs to you purplegirl!!! I hope your father heals quickly and has a good outcome.

Congrats Rootzdawta!!!
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#727 of 846 Old 04-02-2010, 08:41 PM
 
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Hey, everyone! I just wanted to post a little update on me (it has been a while since I posted, but I do read all the time--hugs and support to everyone who needs it!)

I'm in the home stretch. Baby girl is due on April 19th. I'll "officially" be 38 weeks on Monday, so I know that she could come at any time. I'm not feeling any signs, however, and the midwife said that 70% of first time moms go 7-10 days late, so I just have to be patient. This week coming up is my last week at work, and I just received my "Yes, you can go on leave" FLMA paperwork, so I feel good about that. My job threw me a surprise shower, and my mother had a shower for us last Saturday, which was so fun. We've got all the essentials (car seat, place for her to sleep, stroller) plus tons of totally non-essential but absolutely adorable baby items, so I think that we are about as ready as we are ever going to be at this point.

I went to my first La Leche League meeting today; unfortunately, there were no nursing moms there, just another pregnant woman who is not due until July! The leaders were nice, though, and I have their contact information in case I need to call someone.

I think that's it! The weather here in the Chi has instantly become wonderful. As usual, we went from 40s last week to hitting 80 in the past two days. It is days like this one that causes us to remember why we endure nearly 6 months of bone-chilling winter! I can't wait to meet this little one and take her for strolls along the lakeshore.

Oh, and to speak on the school discussion--I went to a private grammar school (non-religious) and private (Catholic) high school, and DH went to a public grammar school and the same private high school that I attended. We both had great experiences. We already know that we would like for baby girl to go to the same high school we went to. I don't think that we will be sending her to a non-religious private grammar school; they are just too expensive. Some of them have higher tuition than our high school! We are looking into Catholic grammar schools and magnet schools because the neighborhood Chicago Public schools are . . . well . . . to say "not good" would be an understatement.
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#728 of 846 Old 04-03-2010, 12:15 AM
 
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OMG Purplegirl,I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I pray that with each passing day more of his pain is relieved and his sight is restored. BIG BIG s to you during this time.

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#729 of 846 Old 04-03-2010, 09:30 PM
 
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I've been a little hesitant to share with anyone . . . I don't know if I'm being silly or what but I'm down to a size 6 from a size 14. I started Weight Watchers towards the end of December. It feels awesome! And was a whole lot easier than I imagined. Now I'm focusing on getting in serious shape (like maybe competing??) which is something more productive (for me) to focus on (as opposed to wanting more kids!).
Congrats! That is a big deal and as you know from my own weight loss journey I know how you feel. I went fron a 14 to a 6 myself, occasionally 4's but mostly 6's. Did you stick with WW the whole time? I know you had been ambivalent because of the cost but I really feel WW is a great program, its been 2 years since I hit my goal and stayed at it. Congrats again. I found when I went down in size it worked out well thrifting, I have a fabulous collection of thrift store skirts..

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I have been dealing with some challenges over the past couple of weeks. My dad went in for a simple cataract surgery. The procedure went well except the very next day he was in intense pain. He saw the doctor immediately who discovered a "horrid infection" in his eye. For two weeks he has gotten injections, drops of very expensive medication all to no avail. Today he sees the specialist who said he needed to have emergency surgery. Fortunately, I had accompanied him to the appointment and was able to ask questions. Her prognosis for him is 'guarded' and she indicated that he has months before they will know if his vision will return at all. We go quickly to the surgicenter where the eye surgeon does a quick examination. During this examination,my dad was unable to see any light at all. The surgeon turns to me and says, "this is not a good sign" and left the room. I read that as an indicator that it is worse than initially thought and that the chance for getting his vision back was hopeless. Of course, that remains to be determined and I'm trying to be hopeful. I'm scared and very concerned for my folks. They are quite active and my dad will have a difficult time accepting the loss of his vision if that comes to be. I told my mom she needs to be prepared for the worst case scenario and though she didn't want to hear that, I'm being realistic.

So while this is extremely difficult, I am more disappointed in my 'friends'. Earlier today I text my childhood friend, whom I've known forever. In fact, her dad was at the hospital with us. Her reply was... 'BUMMER'. WTH? That's all the consolation she has to offer. She lost a relative a few weeks ago. I was emailing, calling and texting her daily to see how they were holding up and all she could say was 'bummer'???

I told another friend when it happened two weeks ago and I've not heard one word from her. She went through a financial crisis, for which I not only offered assistance, but I stayed in daily contact with her to support her through a tough time. No emails, txts or calls from her at all.

I'm angry about my dad's situation but damn, I am pissed at my 'friends'. Michael tells me I'm being too sensitive and that I shouldn't expect people to act the same way I do. Maybe he's right but if you can't count on your friends during a time like this, when can you?

I am so hurt, scared and overwhelmed. It's hard to know what to do because truthfully, there's nothing to be done.
Thanks for listening.
Hugs to you Lisa. I am so sorry that you and your father are going through this and will lift you both up in prayer.

Sadly I am not surprised to hear your girls are not there, I feel like as a society we are getting so selfish. Its like people do not know how to connect anymore...I wish you were closer to me if nothing else to get together over a drink.

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Hey, everyone! I just wanted to post a little update on me (it has been a while since I posted, but I do read all the time--hugs and support to everyone who needs it!)

I'm in the home stretch. Baby girl is due on April 19th. I'll "officially" be 38 weeks on Monday, so I know that she could come at any time. I'm not feeling any signs, however, and the midwife said that 70% of first time moms go 7-10 days late, so I just have to be patient. This week coming up is my last week at work, and I just received my "Yes, you can go on leave" FLMA paperwork, so I feel good about that. My job threw me a surprise shower, and my mother had a shower for us last Saturday, which was so fun. We've got all the essentials (car seat, place for her to sleep, stroller) plus tons of totally non-essential but absolutely adorable baby items, so I think that we are about as ready as we are ever going to be at this point.

I went to my first La Leche League meeting today; unfortunately, there were no nursing moms there, just another pregnant woman who is not due until July! The leaders were nice, though, and I have their contact information in case I need to call someone.

I think that's it! The weather here in the Chi has instantly become wonderful. As usual, we went from 40s last week to hitting 80 in the past two days. It is days like this one that causes us to remember why we endure nearly 6 months of bone-chilling winter! I can't wait to meet this little one and take her for strolls along the lakeshore.

Oh, and to speak on the school discussion--I went to a private grammar school (non-religious) and private (Catholic) high school, and DH went to a public grammar school and the same private high school that I attended. We both had great experiences. We already know that we would like for baby girl to go to the same high school we went to. I don't think that we will be sending her to a non-religious private grammar school; they are just too expensive. Some of them have higher tuition than our high school! We are looking into Catholic grammar schools and magnet schools because the neighborhood Chicago Public schools are . . . well . . . to say "not good" would be an understatement.
I am from Chicago, granted I haven't lived there in 8 years but I still have family there and am a product of CPS. I hear ya about the schools, when my son started school when we still lived in Chicago I sent him to a catholic school. I used to daydream about schools like Parker and Latin but those places were way out of my league.

Funny thing is even in a good area and we lived in Andersonville the public schools can be sketchy.

Anyway I am well, getting ready to have hernia repair surgery in 2 weeks, had to postpone it because I had no one to help with dd . Since dh wants to be with me at the hospital so I need someone to watch her, think I may have someone lined up..I am hoping.

My son graduates from high school in 2 mos and well we really don't know where he is going for college. He only applied to 4 schools and well the safety schools said no, and he was waitlisted at University of Vermont. I am scared because he is in love...first love. Guess what honey is taking a year off and I fear this is what made him only apply to 4 schools and not all of the schools we discussed. I have heard getting into schools this year is tough...funny thing is this kid is the frickin senior class president, president of the thespian society and captain of the debate team. He has a solid ACT score but his freshman year he goofed and it brought his gpa down and while taking honors classes was good, getting B's in them was not.

I don't know, he is 18 and a good kid he is here on spring break so we will be talking about his future. I have a few tricks up my sleeve as far as schools we can apply late to, but he needs to decide what he wants.

Right now I think he wants to take a year off...when the babies are young you plan their lives but they reach an age where you have to take the training wheels off and let them decide their course.

Mothering since 1992...its one of the many hats I wear.
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#730 of 846 Old 04-03-2010, 10:55 PM
 
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You all have warmed my heart more than you know. It's been so hard. My dad's sight hasn't returned and honestly, I don't think it will. It's been close to three weeks and my gut is telling me that the retina is irreparably damaged. I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think so. The specialists won't give an opinion until the infection clears but, I think they already know. This is such a blow to my family because my dad is so active and will be devastated if his sight is permanently gone.

Shay, it saddens me to see the self absorption that seems to be pervasive in our society. The person I've called my BFF has yet to even call me. I grew up with this chick and have known her for well over 30 years

Life will go on albeit very different and undetermined.

Sorin, I'm so excited for you!! Continued blessings as you progress through your pregnancy.


Again, thanks for the support. You can't imagine how good it feels.

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#731 of 846 Old 04-04-2010, 02:22 AM
 
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hey beautifuls, it's me, lurkie mcgee. i look forward to being way more active in this thread in the coming... well... 9 months or so... #crypticpost #ormaybenotsomuch

@lisa - i am so sorry to hear about your father and his struggles with his sight. i am sending love and light to you, to him, and to your entire family during this difficult time of suspense. ((hugs))

i'm also sorry that you are not receiving the support you need from your friends IRL. hopefully the clarity you receive about these relationships now can help you in the future. they always say that in difficult times you find out who your 'true friends' are - that's sometimes a difficult lesson to learn but a very important one.
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#732 of 846 Old 04-04-2010, 08:36 AM
 
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Lisa, don't give up on your father's sight. Keep positive, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Sorin, Congratulations!!!!!!

Rootz, Congratulations to you too!!!! How long did it take you to lose the weight?

Shay, I don't think that I would be as calm as you.

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#733 of 846 Old 04-04-2010, 01:08 PM
 
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You all have warmed my heart more than you know. It's been so hard. My dad's sight hasn't returned and honestly, I don't think it will. It's been close to three weeks and my gut is telling me that the retina is irreparably damaged. I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think so. The specialists won't give an opinion until the infection clears but, I think they already know. This is such a blow to my family because my dad is so active and will be devastated if his sight is permanently gone.

Shay, it saddens me to see the self absorption that seems to be pervasive in our society. The person I've called my BFF has yet to even call me. I grew up with this chick and have known her for well over 30 years

Life will go on albeit very different and undetermined.

Sorin, I'm so excited for you!! Continued blessings as you progress through your pregnancy.


Again, thanks for the support. You can't imagine how good it feels.
All you can do is go on but it does leave a bitter taste in your mouth to see the folks that you thought were your rock pretty much not act in a caring way. Just trust and believe that you will be granted the strength you need to carry on.

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hey beautifuls, it's me, lurkie mcgee. i look forward to being way more active in this thread in the coming... well... 9 months or so... #crypticpost #ormaybenotsomuch

@lisa - i am so sorry to hear about your father and his struggles with his sight. i am sending love and light to you, to him, and to your entire family during this difficult time of suspense. ((hugs))

i'm also sorry that you are not receiving the support you need from your friends IRL. hopefully the clarity you receive about these relationships now can help you in the future. they always say that in difficult times you find out who your 'true friends' are - that's sometimes a difficult lesson to learn but a very important one.
Good to see you around here. I agree I hope this thread picks up again, granted I have been guilty of only lurking and not posting so I will work on that.

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Lisa, don't give up on your father's sight. Keep positive, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Sorin, Congratulations!!!!!!

Rootz, Congratulations to you too!!!! How long did it take you to lose the weight?

Shay, I don't think that I would be as calm as you.
I really am not calm but it hit me he is 18 and legally he is an adult. I ran off and got married at 18, had him at 19 so I know that I need to proceed very gentle and calmly. Believe me in my head I am yelling and laying down the law but I know that does not work, so I am counting my blessings that he has always been a good gift and trusting that it will all work out. Hell, at 19 my folks figured I was doomed and I overcame and as I told him last night =, long as he does nothing that a. makes him a criminal/felon, b.gets anyone knocked up or c. joins the military we can work on a plan.

Its funny because we put so much into the decisions and planning when they are little yet I am starting to become convinced the real parenting in some ways starts when they hit the age/stage where our voices are not the only ones they hear and possibly heed.

He is headstrong and I think its starting to hit him that not taking my advice was not a wise idea so there is hope..

Mothering since 1992...its one of the many hats I wear.
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#734 of 846 Old 04-05-2010, 08:39 AM
 
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I agree I hope this thread picks up again, granted I have been guilty of only lurking and not posting so I will work on that.



I really am not calm but it hit me he is 18 and legally he is an adult. I ran off and got married at 18, had him at 19 so I know that I need to proceed very gentle and calmly. Believe me in my head I am yelling and laying down the law but I know that does not work, so I am counting my blessings that he has always been a good gift and trusting that it will all work out. Hell, at 19 my folks figured I was doomed and I overcame and as I told him last night =, long as he does nothing that a. makes him a criminal/felon, b.gets anyone knocked up or c. joins the military we can work on a plan.

Its funny because we put so much into the decisions and planning when they are little yet I am starting to become convinced the real parenting in some ways starts when they hit the age/stage where our voices are not the only ones they hear and possibly heed.

He is headstrong and I think its starting to hit him that not taking my advice was not a wise idea so there is hope..
Your a, b, and c list is the same as mine, except add d, and e.

I don't look forward to the day I have to allow DS to make his first big decision.

Shay you seem so sensible, so I have to believe that your son shares some of that characteristic. Girls frighten me with regard to raising a son. The wrong type of woman can effortlessly vitiate years of parental guidance, even if only temporarily.

You said that you have a list of back up schools, until when does he have to decide his intentions for the fall?

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#735 of 846 Old 04-06-2010, 12:05 PM
 
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I know I'm late to the convo but Lisa. I know it's hard to think of your Dad in pain. When we think of Dads all we can remember is how strong and big they have always been to us, even now all grown up.

Congrats rootzdawta.
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#736 of 846 Old 04-06-2010, 12:59 PM
 
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Shay I'm curious,did your son give a reason for wanting to take a year off? When I graduated from high school I wanted to take a year off too. It was a no go with my family. I'm the baby and was the first to go to school. So everyone was looking at me to be "The One". I always felt the pressure and at so many points I felt burned out. Eventually I just stopped putting in any effort,which lead to academic probation . It's crazy because I was 25 and married,but still living my life for other people.
I don't know what his reasons are,but maybe in the long run it's the best solution for him. I'm happy that he consulted you and that you are level headed enough to work with him on this.

Oyin, does your post mean what I think it means???


Lisa, I am thinking of you and your father everyday .

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#737 of 846 Old 04-06-2010, 08:24 PM
 
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I don't know, he is 18 and a good kid he is here on spring break so we will be talking about his future. I have a few tricks up my sleeve as far as schools we can apply late to, but he needs to decide what he wants.

Right now I think he wants to take a year off...when the babies are young you plan their lives but they reach an age where you have to take the training wheels off and let them decide their course.
Shay,

Have you thought about trying to convince your son to go to community colllege until he decides what he wants to do? Generally speaking, I think it is a bad idea to lose the momentum of going to school (many many many of my students regret "taking time off" only to return 5/10/15 years later). If you could convince him even to go part time (one or two classes), he would have the free time to figure out what he really wants to do while still staying in the habit of being a student. Good luck!
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#738 of 846 Old 04-07-2010, 11:14 AM
 
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Your a, b, and c list is the same as mine, except add d, and e.

I don't look forward to the day I have to allow DS to make his first big decision.

Shay you seem so sensible, so I have to believe that your son shares some of that characteristic. Girls frighten me with regard to raising a son. The wrong type of woman can effortlessly vitiate years of parental guidance, even if only temporarily.

You said that you have a list of back up schools, until when does he have to decide his intentions for the fall?

Well he needs to make some decisions soon but he just seems to be in his typical laid back go with the flow phase which is maddening. My ex MIL has pulled some strings at a small college in MA and we need to go visit it this week but he is against going to school there. I am really struggling to stay calm and not lay down the law.

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Shay I'm curious,did your son give a reason for wanting to take a year off? When I graduated from high school I wanted to take a year off too. It was a no go with my family. I'm the baby and was the first to go to school. So everyone was looking at me to be "The One". I always felt the pressure and at so many points I felt burned out. Eventually I just stopped putting in any effort,which lead to academic probation . It's crazy because I was 25 and married,but still living my life for other people.
I don't know what his reasons are,but maybe in the long run it's the best solution for him. I'm happy that he consulted you and that you are level headed enough to work with him on this.

Oyin, does your post mean what I think it means???


Lisa, I am thinking of you and your father everyday .
There is no specific reason other than if he doesn't get into UVM or a school he really wants to attend he will just take the year off and work with his father which is a bad idea on all levels. Its the type of bad that even my ex-husband's mother is against it. I am not trying to put pressure on him but I know how easy it is to one day be 18 and the next you are 25 with a 1-2 kids and thinking dang, I should have gone to college, my choices are limited.

I guess because that is the road I took, I desperately want to steer him clear of that...he was 7 or so when I went back to school, he has seen how hard I worked. I was in school up until 4 years ago, it was hard to juggle a marriage, kid, work and school, so I know this is what is driving my reluctance to say take the year off with no plan. Especially when you are talking about being in love.

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Shay,

Have you thought about trying to convince your son to go to community colllege until he decides what he wants to do? Generally speaking, I think it is a bad idea to lose the momentum of going to school (many many many of my students regret "taking time off" only to return 5/10/15 years later). If you could convince him even to go part time (one or two classes), he would have the free time to figure out what he really wants to do while still staying in the habit of being a student. Good luck!
This is one angle I am trying, because like you I believe its easier to stay in a school state of mind if you keep going even on a part time basis.

Ugh....this is a hard stage to be at. Enjoy those baby years ladies, they go by way too fast.

Mothering since 1992...its one of the many hats I wear.
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#739 of 846 Old 04-07-2010, 05:17 PM
 
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@jannah6 -- whoohoo yeah!


add me to the list of sisters reading shay's posts and marvelling at the job she's doing. i'll look at my little monster's nearly-2-yr-old 'no!' moments with a different kind of patience and kindness today, appreciating them for the walk in the park they are.

i love yr a, b, c list - sounds useful to determine what your non-negotiables really are so that you can maintain perspective on the other stuff.

it's a tough time to be a teenager. (not that any time isn't, but...) i keep reading about how kids graduating now are less optimistic, less sure about their futures b/c of the bad economy and seeing people with degrees struggling, seeing their parents struggling, etc. but i feel like you are in a great position to talk to him about it b/c of your experience -- you've been there, taken a break, had to fight your way back. in one of your posts it seemed you saw this as giving you less of a leg to stand on b/c you'd gone against your parents' wishes so couldn't quite say 'do what i say just b/c i'm the mom' but the way i see it, b/c you've had that experience and he's seen how hard you've had to work, you're in an EXCELLENT position to say, 'this is what i've learned, if you're smart you'll learn from my experience too.'

is this just him wanting to hang out the The Girl so he doesn't quite want to move away? maybe there are some educational/experiential middle grounds to explore, for instance if there's a way he can continue his education without going into debt, if he knows what he wants to do and can get some kind of practical training, an internship, etc...

@lisa - my heart is still with you. i'm sending love and light and healing to your father and your family.
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#740 of 846 Old 04-08-2010, 11:16 AM
 
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I'm posting on the fly but, wanted to thank you all for the love, support and healing energy. He's vision has not returned but his spirits are lifting. I took him out yesterday and we laughed like old times. He feels so helpless because this is a man who does not sit still. He runs a business, is an avid golfer and always on the road. All of that has ceased for now.

I'm maintaining hope that at times it escapes me. It's so scary, y/k?

You all are so giving with the support and from the bottom of my heart, thank you. It warms me more than I can express.

Back later to catch up on other posts.


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#741 of 846 Old 04-08-2010, 07:11 PM
 
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Hello Sisterfriends!

I have so much to say, but not a lot of time to say it! So here it goes...
Lisa,
You, your Dad and your entire family are in my daily thoughts and prayers! I know how hard it can be to see your "rock" suffering and not being able to do anything to help. But I am sure that just your presence provides your Dad great solace. Keep the faith my sister and know that your cyber sisterfriends have your back!♥
Oyinmama,
Congratulations! I am so happy for you!!!
Rootzdawta,
Congratulations to you too! I hope to get on the weight loss band wagon in the next few weeks myself and your post is an inspiration to me!
Rynna,
Some of the most difficult decisions that I had to make as a parent revolved around schooling choices. Please feel free to PM me if you want/need to talk more specifically about your choices.
And Shay,
Speaking as another mom of adults(Welcome to the club, by the way!), I may have a different perspective about your son's decision to take a year off.
While it is true that it is hard to go back to school after taking off a large block of time, I think that he would gain so much by knowing early on that he is the one who is in charge of making those decisions for himself and that you would support him in whatever he decides to do.
Believe me when I say that it is so hard to watch your child make choices that you know will make it harder for them in the long run, but I firmly believe that it is so important that the choices that they make be their own and that they know that they can always come to you for advice and support should they need it.(This is especially true for the first born child!)
I also think that the lesson that he learned by watching you go back to school as a wife and mother years later is that it can be done and done well!
What you saw as pressure and struggle as an older student, he might have seen it as perseverance, accomplishment and the ability to go to college anytime. Some great lessons learned in my opinion.
So I hope that you take this opportunity to sit down and talk to your son about where he sees himself in the next couple of years and encourage him to explore as many options for his gap year as possible.
Well, that's all I have time for now. I hope that you all continue to keep this thread active and I hope to come back here and post again soon.
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"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail..."
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#742 of 846 Old 04-08-2010, 08:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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While it is true that it is hard to go back to school after taking off a large block of time, I think that he would gain so much by knowing early on that he is the one who is in charge of making those decisions for himself and that you would support him in whatever he decides to do.
Thanks Erika!

Shay, as the child of parents who tried to control every facet of my life down to what I believed, I think this advice is so solid. It builds such confidence to know that your parents trust you enough to make your own decisions and love you enough to help you make those decisions work out the best.

Stay-at-home mom to 2 beautiful.busy.boisterous boys b. 08.17.05 & 12.29.08
Nirvana is . . . the living happiness of a soul which is conscious of itself and conscious of having found its own abode in the heart of the Eternal. --Gandhi
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#743 of 846 Old 04-16-2010, 02:56 PM
 
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Sadly, my dad's eye will not regain the vision. The specialist performed a second surgery during which he discovered the retina has been destroyed. It's been a hellish month and we continue to ride a roller coaster. At this point, it is a wait and see game as to whether or not the eye will have to be removed. My dad is trying to be strong and accept 'whatever will be', but he has his moments.

It's clear that this infection came from doctor error so my parents will be seeking some type of remedy.

Thanks for your thoughts, kind words and love. It's been extraordinarily comforting.

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#744 of 846 Old 04-16-2010, 04:39 PM
 
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s I'm so sorry to hear that, Lisa.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#745 of 846 Old 04-16-2010, 07:36 PM
 
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Sadly, my dad's eye will not regain the vision. The specialist performed a second surgery during which he discovered the retina has been destroyed. It's been a hellish month and we continue to ride a roller coaster. At this point, it is a wait and see game as to whether or not the eye will have to be removed. My dad is trying to be strong and accept 'whatever will be', but he has his moments.

It's clear that this infection came from doctor error so my parents will be seeking some type of remedy.

Thanks for your thoughts, kind words and love. It's been extraordinarily comforting.
Oh no. I will continue to pray for him, my thoughts are with your family.

Mothering since 1992...its one of the many hats I wear.
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#746 of 846 Old 04-17-2010, 08:38 PM
 
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Sadly, my dad's eye will not regain the vision. The specialist performed a second surgery during which he discovered the retina has been destroyed. It's been a hellish month and we continue to ride a roller coaster. At this point, it is a wait and see game as to whether or not the eye will have to be removed. My dad is trying to be strong and accept 'whatever will be', but he has his moments.

It's clear that this infection came from doctor error so my parents will be seeking some type of remedy.

Thanks for your thoughts, kind words and love. It's been extraordinarily comforting.
and more . Your father is in my thoughts and prayers.

+ + =
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#747 of 846 Old 04-17-2010, 08:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So sorry to hear that! I'm thinking of you and your family . . .

Stay-at-home mom to 2 beautiful.busy.boisterous boys b. 08.17.05 & 12.29.08
Nirvana is . . . the living happiness of a soul which is conscious of itself and conscious of having found its own abode in the heart of the Eternal. --Gandhi
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#748 of 846 Old 04-20-2010, 12:51 AM
 
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to you purplegirl.
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#749 of 846 Old 04-20-2010, 01:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by purplegirl View Post
Sadly, my dad's eye will not regain the vision. The specialist performed a second surgery during which he discovered the retina has been destroyed. It's been a hellish month and we continue to ride a roller coaster. At this point, it is a wait and see game as to whether or not the eye will have to be removed. My dad is trying to be strong and accept 'whatever will be', but he has his moments.

It's clear that this infection came from doctor error so my parents will be seeking some type of remedy.

Thanks for your thoughts, kind words and love. It's been extraordinarily comforting.

NMY actively making my dreams happen :
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#750 of 846 Old 04-20-2010, 11:31 PM
 
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Lisa,

Your family is in my daily thoughts and prayers!
*..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*

Take Care,
Erika(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!):

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail..."
"I am learning all the time, the tombstone will be my diploma"- Eartha Kitt
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