Women of Color #13 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 846 Old 06-16-2009, 08:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome to the new thread everyone!

Stay-at-home mom to 2 beautiful.busy.boisterous boys b. 08.17.05 & 12.29.08
Nirvana is . . . the living happiness of a soul which is conscious of itself and conscious of having found its own abode in the heart of the Eternal. --Gandhi
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#2 of 846 Old 06-16-2009, 08:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Bloomingstar, how about a mei tai or ABC carrier? My kids have all been pretty heavy and that (along with the traditional West African back carry) has been my lifesaver!! I sewed my own but there are lots of beautiful, strong and functional ones out there. If you don't want to deal with all the straps, there's an Ergo which is still less than a good stroller. However, I'm not opposed to strollers at all. I use them for my kids with no shame. Sometimes you don't feel like having extra weight on you. Sometimes it's nice to have someplace to put stuff.

Stay-at-home mom to 2 beautiful.busy.boisterous boys b. 08.17.05 & 12.29.08
Nirvana is . . . the living happiness of a soul which is conscious of itself and conscious of having found its own abode in the heart of the Eternal. --Gandhi
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#3 of 846 Old 06-16-2009, 08:55 PM
 
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#4 of 846 Old 06-16-2009, 09:37 PM
 
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Hi ladies!

NMY actively making my dreams happen :
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#5 of 846 Old 06-16-2009, 09:55 PM
 
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Hello beautiful ladies :. That thread got very long didn't it.
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#6 of 846 Old 06-16-2009, 10:43 PM
 
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Not sure if many of you remember my post about going natural six months ago. I was ready for the change, really excited about my new look, and most importantly, I was confident. This was even in spite of my mom's lack of support.

Anyway, about two weeks ago, I was at a get-together with friends, when the subject of middle names came up. An acquaintance asked for mine and when I said it was Patrice, she said, "Oh yeah. Pat is perfect for you, you know since it's androgynous and all." Then she slapped her hand over her mouth and said, "I probably shouldn't have said that out loud, should I?" And she seemed really embarrassed about it.

I then asked her why shouldn't she have said it and she mumbled something about not wanting to offend anyone before walking away and that's when I realized that she didn't want to offend ME! And that she thought that my "look" was androgynous.

After that, I was down in the doldrums (I know, I'm dramatic) and I was really hurt and wondered if that's how everyone saw me and my new hair. I'm feeling a little better about it, but everytime I see this woman, I start to feel bad and wonder if I made the right choice.

Anybody BTDT?

Baking,, Chuck Taylor Wearing, , SAHMom of 2.
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#7 of 846 Old 06-16-2009, 10:52 PM
 
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I'm so sorry that happened to you. My thoughts, though, would probably come off as unsupportive so I'm not going there. Instead, :. Be well, beautiful!

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#8 of 846 Old 06-16-2009, 11:04 PM
 
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Olliepop

Take Care,
Erika(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!):

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail..."
"I am learning all the time, the tombstone will be my diploma"- Eartha Kitt
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#9 of 846 Old 06-16-2009, 11:06 PM
 
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!WELCOME TO OUR NEW THREAD!
Thanks Rootzdawta for starting our new thread!
And I hope that this new thread is as successful as the last one!

Take Care,
Erika(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!):

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail..."
"I am learning all the time, the tombstone will be my diploma"- Eartha Kitt
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#10 of 846 Old 06-16-2009, 11:11 PM
 
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Bloomingstar, how about a mei tai or ABC carrier? My kids have all been pretty heavy and that (along with the traditional West African back carry) has been my lifesaver!! I sewed my own but there are lots of beautiful, strong and functional ones out there. If you don't want to deal with all the straps, there's an Ergo which is still less than a good stroller. However, I'm not opposed to strollers at all. I use them for my kids with no shame. Sometimes you don't feel like having extra weight on you. Sometimes it's nice to have someplace to put stuff.
I'm definitely thinking about a back carry. Gonna try to get to a fabric store sometime soon. A stroller would be nice for longer walks and whatnot in the heat. And I think my husband would enjoy one--I am just not too keen on hauling anything around on the bus or up and down the stairs to our apartment. :

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Not sure if many of you remember my post about going natural six months ago. I was ready for the change, really excited about my new look, and most importantly, I was confident. This was even in spite of my mom's lack of support.

Anyway, about two weeks ago, I was at a get-together with friends, when the subject of middle names came up. An acquaintance asked for mine and when I said it was Patrice, she said, "Oh yeah. Pat is perfect for you, you know since it's androgynous and all." Then she slapped her hand over her mouth and said, "I probably shouldn't have said that out loud, should I?" And she seemed really embarrassed about it.

I then asked her why shouldn't she have said it and she mumbled something about not wanting to offend anyone before walking away and that's when I realized that she didn't want to offend ME! And that she thought that my "look" was androgynous.

After that, I was down in the doldrums (I know, I'm dramatic) and I was really hurt and wondered if that's how everyone saw me and my new hair. I'm feeling a little better about it, but everytime I see this woman, I start to feel bad and wonder if I made the right choice.

Anybody BTDT?
BTDT, but at the time I was living in Western MA where I figured no one could really do my hair. And I was dating ladies then too, so a little androgyny didn't hurt me none But I also, after awhile, HATED having short hair because I'm a flaming femme at heart and it annoyed me to be misread by people (since they expect femme girls to have longer hair, etc.) I feel you on the being misread thing, but after awhile I also realized it was the other people's issue of misreading me because of their own limitations, and I didn't have to hate my hair or feel bad about it--my hair was doing what it and I needed it to do, and that was all that was important.

I think so many people just have very limited gender norms and also are bad at reading people's energy or vibe. Aren't there people you know who, no matter what they're wearing, just ooze whatever they're more inclined to? I have quite a number of butch friends with huge breasts who are always called "sir" and male friends with plenty facial hair who are mistaken for girls--it's just because of the energy they put out. But for these same women who get called sir, and the guys who are called girls, plenty people totally miss the vibe and you end up with the "sirs" getting hit on by men (who maybe just noticed the breasts, after all) and the boys getting hit on by women who haven't noticed that the boys' hair is more "done" than theirs will ever be and that they can't remotely be interested in them. Completel obvious to some people, but other remain completely oblivious.

All that to say--were you enjoying your hair before? Do you hold this lady's opinion in higher esteem than you own? Enjoy your hair, and be the you that you know you are, and bump the rest.

Bloomingstar Mommy to DS born 1.16.09 :
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#11 of 846 Old 06-16-2009, 11:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by olliepop View Post
Not sure if many of you remember my post about going natural six months ago. I was ready for the change, really excited about my new look, and most importantly, I was confident. This was even in spite of my mom's lack of support.

Anyway, about two weeks ago, I was at a get-together with friends, when the subject of middle names came up. An acquaintance asked for mine and when I said it was Patrice, she said, "Oh yeah. Pat is perfect for you, you know since it's androgynous and all." Then she slapped her hand over her mouth and said, "I probably shouldn't have said that out loud, should I?" And she seemed really embarrassed about it.

I then asked her why shouldn't she have said it and she mumbled something about not wanting to offend anyone before walking away and that's when I realized that she didn't want to offend ME! And that she thought that my "look" was androgynous.

After that, I was down in the doldrums (I know, I'm dramatic) and I was really hurt and wondered if that's how everyone saw me and my new hair. I'm feeling a little better about it, but everytime I see this woman, I start to feel bad and wonder if I made the right choice.

Anybody BTDT?

Yup, I have BTDT and it was hard. When I was wearing my hair in twists, my former secretary made a very hurtful comment. It bothered me so much, that I posted on here about it. However, what I quickly realized that it was her problem and not mine. She had many issues with skin color and hair texture. Find pictures or images of women who are rocking natural hair. I saw a young woman the other day with a beautiful fro. This woman was just gorgeous and naturally so. It gave me incentive to continue to grow my hair out and wear it natural again. Lastly, don't let this one incident convince you that everyone sees you that way--one person, one opinion.

afro.jpg
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#12 of 846 Old 06-16-2009, 11:25 PM
 
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Yup, I have BTDT and it was hard. When I was wearing my hair in twists, my former secretary made a very hurtful comment. It bothered me so much, that I posted on here about it. However, what I quickly realized that it was her problem and not mine. She had many issues with skin color and hair texture. Find pictures or images of women who are rocking natural hair. I saw a young woman the other day with a beautiful fro. This woman was just gorgeous and naturally so. It gave me incentive to continue to grow my hair out and wear it natural again. Lastly, don't let this one incident convince you that everyone sees you that way--one person, one opinion.

Thanks. I appreciate your replies. My self esteem just really took a hit.

Baking,, Chuck Taylor Wearing, , SAHMom of 2.
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#13 of 846 Old 06-16-2009, 11:25 PM
 
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I'm definitely thinking about a back carry. Gonna try to get to a fabric store sometime soon. A stroller would be nice for longer walks and whatnot in the heat. And I think my husband would enjoy one--I am just not too keen on hauling anything around on the bus or up and down the stairs to our apartment. :



BTDT, but at the time I was living in Western MA where I figured no one could really do my hair. And I was dating ladies then too, so a little androgyny didn't hurt me none But I also, after awhile, HATED having short hair because I'm a flaming femme at heart and it annoyed me to be misread by people (since they expect femme girls to have longer hair, etc.) I feel you on the being misread thing, but after awhile I also realized it was the other people's issue of misreading me because of their own limitations, and I didn't have to hate my hair or feel bad about it--my hair was doing what it and I needed it to do, and that was all that was important.

I think so many people just have very limited gender norms and also are bad at reading people's energy or vibe. Aren't there people you know who, no matter what they're wearing, just ooze whatever they're more inclined to? I have quite a number of butch friends with huge breasts who are always called "sir" and male friends with plenty facial hair who are mistaken for girls--it's just because of the energy they put out. But for these same women who get called sir, and the guys who are called girls, plenty people totally miss the vibe and you end up with the "sirs" getting hit on by men (who maybe just noticed the breasts, after all) and the boys getting hit on by women who haven't noticed that the boys' hair is more "done" than theirs will ever be and that they can't remotely be interested in them. Completel obvious to some people, but other remain completely oblivious.

All that to say--were you enjoying your hair before? Do you hold this lady's opinion in higher esteem than you own? Enjoy your hair, and be the you that you know you are, and bump the rest.

Yes!!

afro.jpg
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#14 of 846 Old 06-17-2009, 10:05 AM
 
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Not sure if many of you remember my post about going natural six months ago. I was ready for the change, really excited about my new look, and most importantly, I was confident. This was even in spite of my mom's lack of support.

Anyway, about two weeks ago, I was at a get-together with friends, when the subject of middle names came up. An acquaintance asked for mine and when I said it was Patrice, she said, "Oh yeah. Pat is perfect for you, you know since it's androgynous and all." Then she slapped her hand over her mouth and said, "I probably shouldn't have said that out loud, should I?" And she seemed really embarrassed about it.

I then asked her why shouldn't she have said it and she mumbled something about not wanting to offend anyone before walking away and that's when I realized that she didn't want to offend ME! And that she thought that my "look" was androgynous.

After that, I was down in the doldrums (I know, I'm dramatic) and I was really hurt and wondered if that's how everyone saw me and my new hair. I'm feeling a little better about it, but everytime I see this woman, I start to feel bad and wonder if I made the right choice.

Anybody BTDT?
When I first went natural almost 10 years ago and did the big chop I had about 1-2 inches on my head. Whenever someone made a comment that was less than enthusiastic it was pretty hard to deal with...that said, I recently cut off my dreads which we to the middle of my back and guess what? I have a short fro again...yeah, I have gotten some folks who seemed like they think I looked better with long hair, I probably did but I was tired of it and I love the ease of short hair.

The difference this time for me is that I see beauty in many different ways, to sound cheesy I guess you could say I have had a paradigm shift in how I see beauty but its taken years.

All this to say, don't be hard on yourself and brush that woman and her thoughts off.

Shay

Mothering since 1992...its one of the many hats I wear.
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#15 of 846 Old 06-17-2009, 06:27 PM
 
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Since I like looking at the old threads here is the LINK for WOC #12

Olliepop I have BTDT. My DP's mother cut my hair and a WHOLE bunch of people were there. I had almost bra strap length permed hair and cut if off until to less than a 1 inch twa. People were saying the most rude things, "why would you do something so stupid?", "Just make it a short permed style, it won't look right natural.", "What if your hair doesn't grow back!!??","you gone look like a boy." I just kept smiling and said I am not tripping my hair will look right no matter what because it just grows that way and that shut them right up. If someone had a inkling to say something off the wall I just sang India Irie's song, "I am not my hair".

I honestly didn't get the whole your hair might not grow back crap. It had been growing forever why because I cut my perm off would it stop? You just have show people that their opinions don't count because they will try to tear you down with their own ignorant mentalities. The lady may have been jealous because she doesn't feel she can wear her hair short so she will say something obviously mean to make you feel bad. She sounds like a bully and I bet you are absolutely beautiful with your hair done any way .
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#16 of 846 Old 06-17-2009, 07:26 PM
 
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I think people will always have something to say when what you're doing doesn't conform to their norms. I've never had a TWA but I've always been natural and there was always somebody with something negative to say about that. The best was when they would try to give me the "compliment" - "Well you can get away with it cause you got good hair." As wearing natural hair has become more mainstream, I've gotten very few comments about it. The most negative came last year when someone in a group I was facilitating decided to do me "favor" and give me her daughter's card since her daughter does hair and she (the mother) was tired looking at my hair pulled into a bun (wasn't growing locks then). At first I didn't know how to take that but the more I thought about it the more insulted I felt. Luckily, those experiences are in the minority for me and I just say to hell with them now.
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#17 of 846 Old 06-17-2009, 08:03 PM
 
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I would say i didnt hit "the doldrums" concerning my naps until I started freeforming SEVEN YEARS into locking my hair lol. I had to get used to my thickening root bed and how I would have lil fly-aways everywhere and EVERYBODY wanted to ask me when i was going to twist again. I STILL get people asking (like week before last) when Im going to twist again or they'll just ask when Im going to cut my hair (which I guess is understandable since my hair is stretching past my butt now lol).

I was so down and out about my hair and i seriously considered doing a big chop, but i held fast and now my locks have finally "grown into themselves" and back to feeling lovely again.

I dunno what it is tho that makes people think that they can run a commentary on your appearance like that; its just a huge assumption people make when they wanna comment like that.

NMY actively making my dreams happen :
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#18 of 846 Old 06-17-2009, 08:23 PM
 
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Bloomingstar, speaking from experience I would look for a stroller. I live in Houston and it is 110 degrees outside. "If" I were to ever have a baby in Houston, I probably would not babywear. Maybe in the winter, but not for a majority of the year. You will be hot, and the baby hotter. Andrew was miserable in his Ergo once we moved to Houston, and I am from Atlanta so we know heat. Just not 110 degree in June heat.

We love our Maclaren Quest Mod, and it travels quite well.

+ + =
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#19 of 846 Old 06-17-2009, 08:27 PM
 
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You have locs down past your butt? Fabulous! Have we seen pictures?

I saw a Toni Morrison interview on PBS a while back and she had the most amazing locs I've ever seen. They were really really long and all silvery, and she had them twisted into this ridiculously elegant style-- by which I mean, it looked WAY too elegant to be on a person's head. Absolutely stunning.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#20 of 846 Old 06-17-2009, 08:34 PM
 
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You have locs down past your butt? Fabulous! Have we seen pictures?

I saw a Toni Morrison interview on PBS a while back and she had the most amazing locs I've ever seen. They were really really long and all silvery, and she had them twisted into this ridiculously elegant style-- by which I mean, it looked WAY too elegant to be on a person's head. Absolutely stunning.
LOL, nah no real good recent pic, but im changing that this weekend (i just started my Facebook page and my longlost friends are demanding updated pics).

I heart Toni's locks...i have severe lock envy when it comes to her crown because i LOVE salt and pepper and/or silver locks.

NMY actively making my dreams happen :
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#21 of 846 Old 06-17-2009, 09:53 PM
 
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I would say i didnt hit "the doldrums" concerning my naps until I started freeforming SEVEN YEARS into locking my hair lol. I had to get used to my thickening root bed and how I would have lil fly-aways everywhere and EVERYBODY wanted to ask me when i was going to twist again. I STILL get people asking (like week before last) when Im going to twist again or they'll just ask when Im going to cut my hair (which I guess is understandable since my hair is stretching past my butt now lol).

I was so down and out about my hair and i seriously considered doing a big chop, but i held fast and now my locks have finally "grown into themselves" and back to feeling lovely again.

I dunno what it is tho that makes people think that they can run a commentary on your appearance like that; its just a huge assumption people make when they wanna comment like that.
As a former free-former I agree with you 100%. I had a lot of bad hair days when I was free-forming but it was a journey in more ways than one.

Mothering since 1992...its one of the many hats I wear.
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#22 of 846 Old 06-18-2009, 07:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Could I have you ladies' input on this (my thread in personal growth)--either here or there. Thank you.

Stay-at-home mom to 2 beautiful.busy.boisterous boys b. 08.17.05 & 12.29.08
Nirvana is . . . the living happiness of a soul which is conscious of itself and conscious of having found its own abode in the heart of the Eternal. --Gandhi
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#23 of 846 Old 06-18-2009, 11:39 AM
 
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All this to say, don't be hard on yourself and brush that woman and her thoughts off.

Shay
I am definitely going to try. Thanks for the BTDT -- sometimes I just need to hear that others have gone through it and have come out stronger and all the better for it. Thanks.

Baking,, Chuck Taylor Wearing, , SAHMom of 2.
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#24 of 846 Old 06-18-2009, 08:09 PM
 
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Cool new thread, ladies.

I've been going through some weird mental gymnastics lately. Earlier this month, DH and I decided to throw caution to the wind and TTC. Originally, I had wanted to wait until around Oct because I'm an academic working on tenure, and next June I will complete all my tenure requirements. So, I wanted to deliver sometime after that (why yes, I'm a mega-planner, why do you ask?) Anyway, DH and I had some epiphanies and just said forget it! Why wait?! Baby now! We engaged in horizontal hijinxs around ovulation time and here I am two weeks later with my period.

Now here's the weird thing, I'm bummed about it and slightly freaking out about it. Even though I *know* that having a baby in the middle of the semester would be a pain in the a** and make for some sleepless, stressful nights come time to turn in my tenure stuff. I KNOW the timing would be wrong if I got pregnant right now, and yet, I find myself disappointed that I am not.

And in the back of my head, there is that little voice--that little "maybe you waited too long" voice. Today is my birthday, and I am now 36. I was so not ready before, and I know that. But yet . . . And I know that it can take perfectly healthy women up to a year to get pregnant, and yet . . . And I know that statistically, I've still got a couple of good eggs left, and yet . . . And I know that we've only been trying for about TWO WEEKS, and yet . . .

WTF is wrong with me?! I'm normally an intelligent, rational person who all of a sudden has to be talked down from the "I want to be pregnant now!" ledge (even though getting pregnant right now would make spring semester *really* hard!) I've turned into a nutcase--but a very private nutcase because I don't want to share my new-found anxiety with DH because it would really bother him (he is very empathetic and would feel just as anxious as I do if I told him). So, the other day, I must have let something slip because he said, "Are you depressed that you didn't get pregnant?" and I just laughed it off and said no.

So . . . um . . . everything's going to be cool, right? I mean, in the long run everything is going to work out, right? RIGHT?!
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#25 of 846 Old 06-18-2009, 08:28 PM
 
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Yes Sorin, everything will work out. What you're feeling probably has a lot less to do with logic and reason than it does with the fact that your hormones are in 'quiet mode' right now. Lots and lots and LOTS of women (i'd go so far as to say the overwhelming majority) experience a mild, bluesy-feeling when they menstruate, even if it's a perfectly normal, expected period. When you're TTC, it's even worse. You'll feel MUCH better seven to nine days from now. Everything will be upbeat and exciting, strong positive energy, etc.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#26 of 846 Old 06-18-2009, 08:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Sorin View Post
Cool new thread, ladies.

I've been going through some weird mental gymnastics lately. Earlier this month, DH and I decided to throw caution to the wind and TTC. Originally, I had wanted to wait until around Oct because I'm an academic working on tenure, and next June I will complete all my tenure requirements. So, I wanted to deliver sometime after that (why yes, I'm a mega-planner, why do you ask?) Anyway, DH and I had some epiphanies and just said forget it! Why wait?! Baby now! We engaged in horizontal hijinxs around ovulation time and here I am two weeks later with my period.

Now here's the weird thing, I'm bummed about it and slightly freaking out about it. Even though I *know* that having a baby in the middle of the semester would be a pain in the a** and make for some sleepless, stressful nights come time to turn in my tenure stuff. I KNOW the timing would be wrong if I got pregnant right now, and yet, I find myself disappointed that I am not.

And in the back of my head, there is that little voice--that little "maybe you waited too long" voice. Today is my birthday, and I am now 36. I was so not ready before, and I know that. But yet . . . And I know that it can take perfectly healthy women up to a year to get pregnant, and yet . . . And I know that statistically, I've still got a couple of good eggs left, and yet . . . And I know that we've only been trying for about TWO WEEKS, and yet . . .

WTF is wrong with me?! I'm normally an intelligent, rational person who all of a sudden has to be talked down from the "I want to be pregnant now!" ledge (even though getting pregnant right now would make spring semester *really* hard!) I've turned into a nutcase--but a very private nutcase because I don't want to share my new-found anxiety with DH because it would really bother him (he is very empathetic and would feel just as anxious as I do if I told him). So, the other day, I must have let something slip because he said, "Are you depressed that you didn't get pregnant?" and I just laughed it off and said no.

So . . . um . . . everything's going to be cool, right? I mean, in the long run everything is going to work out, right? RIGHT?!
My response is not based on timing, logic or perfect planning. However, as a sista who tried to wait for the perfect time and universal synchronicity, I timed myself out. Go for it mama. It becomes exponentially more difficult to conceive with each passing year. You are still young enough to have viable eggs. Everything will work out;it always does. I wish you the best

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#27 of 846 Old 06-18-2009, 08:55 PM
 
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Thanks, eilonwy and Purplegirl, for your comforting words. I really appreciate it! It is funny, Purplegirl, I did have a moment after my period arrived where I said, "Whew! Ok, let me hold off now for a few months so I can aim for that perfectly timed summer baby." But then I kind of woke up and said, "The time for timing is over. Just let go of the control thing. Things will work out as they are meant to work out--either now, later, or never--and I must be at peace with the outcome."

Hugs to you, Purplegirl. I feel your emotions in your post, and I hope that your life eternally overflows with peace and joy.
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#28 of 846 Old 06-18-2009, 11:36 PM
 
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Bloomingstar, speaking from experience I would look for a stroller. I live in Houston and it is 110 degrees outside. "If" I were to ever have a baby in Houston, I probably would not babywear. Maybe in the winter, but not for a majority of the year. You will be hot, and the baby hotter. Andrew was miserable in his Ergo once we moved to Houston, and I am from Atlanta so we know heat. Just not 110 degree in June heat.

We love our Maclaren Quest Mod, and it travels quite well.
Yeah, we're gonna go stroller shopping tomorrow. NYC is the second worse place I've lived humidity wise. (nowhere else I've lived tops New Orleans--you get outside for all of 5 seconds and wonder why you bothered to shower since you're already soaking wet ) I've already had a couple sweaty days with the Moby and it's not fun. Facing him outwards helps--but then he won't stop chattering and squeaking at people It's the cutest thing, albeit quite noisy.

My old boss gave us a Maclaren Techno XT but it'd been living in her basement and she must not have known how filthy it was. I mean, I'd never give someone something so dirty. Or at all dirty. I mean it's so bad my DH refuses to touch it, and when I did it looked like I'd been playing in soot. I wish we had a yard so I could hose it down or something. I put it out in the rain today hoping that'd help it a bit. I can't get the padding off. I should probably get a bucket, spray bottle, etc. and keep trying since it's a perfectly good but FILTHY stroller. I'd prefer to have the baby facing in rather than out right now, and DH really wants to win this one and buy a stroller so I'll let him, but I can't seem to give up hope on the dirty one. Now I'm just reading product reviews of strollers...and I CANNOT believe how much a Bugaboo costs, and how many of them I used to see around where my old job is (Brooklyn Heights).

Bloomingstar Mommy to DS born 1.16.09 :
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#29 of 846 Old 06-19-2009, 09:59 AM
 
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Lately I've been thinking about mom's groups and playgroups since I'll soon be a mama. I can definitely find a group that's more AP/alternative/crunchy and I can find a group with other WOC. What I can't seem to find is a combination of the two, i.e. a group of WOC that is primarily AP/alternative/crunchy. I know these women must exist in my area since I've seen some brown faces pop up on a local ning site. Well, this got me thinking about why I don't see a lot of WOC mamas who aren't quite so mainstream.

1) Is it because what's considered alternative/crunchy/AP are things that WOC have been doing for a long time and don't think they're doing anything radical?

2) Is it because we feel pressure (subtle or overt) to conform to the predominant culture since we have minority status (in the US)?

3) Is it because alternative/crunchy/AP moms in general are a cultural minority right now and so it makes sense that there would be fewer WOC engaged in that culture?

These are just some of the questions swirling around in my head this morning. I guess I woke up feeling philosophical and reflective about my own upbringing and what led me to my current views . Feel free to expound on the subject...
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#30 of 846 Old 06-19-2009, 10:41 AM
 
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Originally Posted by bajamergrrl View Post
Lately I've been thinking about mom's groups and playgroups since I'll soon be a mama. I can definitely find a group that's more AP/alternative/crunchy and I can find a group with other WOC. What I can't seem to find is a combination of the two, i.e. a group of WOC that is primarily AP/alternative/crunchy. I know these women must exist in my area since I've seen some brown faces pop up on a local ning site. Well, this got me thinking about why I don't see a lot of WOC mamas who aren't quite so mainstream.

1) Is it because what's considered alternative/crunchy/AP are things that WOC have been doing for a long time and don't think they're doing anything radical?

2) Is it because we feel pressure (subtle or overt) to conform to the predominant culture since we have minority status (in the US)?

3) Is it because alternative/crunchy/AP moms in general are a cultural minority right now and so it makes sense that there would be fewer WOC engaged in that culture?

These are just some of the questions swirling around in my head this morning. I guess I woke up feeling philosophical and reflective about my own upbringing and what led me to my current views . Feel free to expound on the subject...
I wondered similar things and never found a group. Then I met a woman in the laundromat who invited me to the neighborhood breastfeeding support group and baby n me class run by the city, with a lactation consultant and the home visit people--who I didn't let visit me, though they called and called since I live in an area that has high rates of something or other bad for moms and babies. When I finally went, I wondered if I'd be the lone weirdo wearing my baby and cloth diapering. Well, all but one of the women are WOC, at least 4 others are cloth diapering at least some of the time, almost all of them wear their babies at some point though they also have strollers, etc., a couple are making their own baby food...yes a couple also use "cry it out"--even the lactation consultant : But I've found it's more important for me to just spend time with other moms and babies, even if we are along a big spectrum. And my being there has encouraged a couple other moms to try to figure out their Moby wraps one more time, and they now love them, and one of the other moms encouraged me to not be afraid of cloth diapering on the go (meaning I got over my fear of walking around with a bag of poop)...I think at least trying to see what's around you can be a good idea. I was pleasantly surprised and wish I'd started going earlier.

Bloomingstar Mommy to DS born 1.16.09 :
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