Mommas who live in a not so crunchy area! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 44 Old 08-05-2009, 03:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am struggling...I love where we live, (as in the area not the people) but (the people) are so conservative (not polotics wise) they don't understand me. I don't have a lot of support in South Dakota, on top of being one of the places in the US with no birth centers and having very little options when it comes to maternity care and children's care... and no one practices anything holistic around here... (some chiro's do but I can't go to a chiro for somethings yk?)

So I am really struggling being looked at as the kooky: who won't conform and that the comments i get acts like I am going to harm peoples kids for not vaccinating my own, or I am nut job for wearing my kid, and how unclean it is to cloth diaper and what not...

Anyone else in the same boat? anyone else crunchy (or soggy) in an uncrunchy area?

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#2 of 44 Old 08-05-2009, 07:16 PM
 
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Me me me!!

I am a vegan agnostic mom who doesn't vax, extended breast fed all my kids, and cloth-diapered my last baby. I live in a very small farming community. People who get seriously defensive and angry when they hear I don't eat meat or dairy. I don't even tell people things like about not vaxing because I don't want to get into it with anyone. There are a few crunchy people like me around here but not many. I am one of the few "weird" ones, but that's OK with me. People are very conservative around here... and everyone is white, Christian and heterosexual. Not much diversity here.

I work at the high school as a paraprofessional with special ed. kids. My students affectionately call me "hippie" because I am vegan, environmentally conscious, and love Bob Dylan. Most of the time things are fine, but some days I feel more of an outcast than others.

I do have a chiro nearby who also doesn't vax his kids. He sells supplements and does acupuncture, and is into more holistic things.

Jade : -Writing, vegan mom of Garrett, Drew, and Grace. Into feeling:
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#3 of 44 Old 08-06-2009, 09:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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where in MN are you? anywhere near the South Dakota border? My husband calls me hippie, but sometimes it is not in a loving way, as him and I don't always see eye to eye on the choices I am making for our daughter. I just tell him if he wants an opnion, do the research and come up woth an argument and then you can help make informed desicions about our child!

I asked on a local moms website for Dr rec that are supportive of non-vax select vax and I faced a hail-storm! maybe it is a midwestern thing? they can't see past what they were taught...I grew up in MN but even my own parents have some "issues" about the things i chose to fdo or not do.

Glad I am not the only one out there who feels like a total outcast!

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#4 of 44 Old 08-06-2009, 12:52 PM
 
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I live in Harmony, which is way on the other side of MN.
My husband is not crunchy at all either, although he puts up with my ideas. I am the only vegan in the house, for example. I take my kids to the Mayo clinic to a ped there, but after I stopped vaxing I met the typical arguments from her, as she is very pro-vax. I don't take them to well-child visits anymore. If they have a minor illness and need to go to the doctor, I take them to my little clinic here in town, where they know nothing about their vax history. It would be nice to have other options, though. I take my kids to a regular dentist and am met with arguments about why I should give my kids fluoride, like I'm just a total idiot.

It sucks that you feel like you have no support. I know how that feels. How old is your daughter?

Jade : -Writing, vegan mom of Garrett, Drew, and Grace. Into feeling:
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#5 of 44 Old 08-06-2009, 07:49 PM
 
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Me!

Or at least I have not really found the "crunchy" people here. I live in Florida near Orlando.

I have one friend that I met who is no-vax and into natural foods and such. Sometimes I think she and I are the only ones.

I guess I don't worry too much about people thinking I am weird because I stick out like a sore thumb around here anyway. I wish I could find more Mommas like me though!

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#6 of 44 Old 08-08-2009, 08:04 PM
 
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in mexico city here...
hard to be looked at on the street, hard not to be spoken to at the park, hard to make friends, hard, but at the same time fun, knowing that everyone thinks i´m completelly out of my mind!!!!!!!!
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#7 of 44 Old 08-08-2009, 09:41 PM
 
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Ha ha ha!! I live in a Marine Corps community. I think that's as uncrunchy as it gets. The 12 or so other mamas in the US that are married to Marines and are crunchy are all on MDC, I suspect. I tend to be a really friendly, open person. I give people a chance and listen to their thoughts and then talk to them about mine. Nine times out of ten people are really interested and we end up in interesting discussions. I don't go out feeling like an outcast. I'm just me.

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#8 of 44 Old 08-09-2009, 08:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My dd will be a year next month, I posted on a local to me moms website about Ped recomendations for anyone who non/select vax....bad idea I got ripped a new oone, even to the pint of name calling and someone threatening social services on me, needless to say I don't go to that website anymore. Good to know I am not alone!

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#9 of 44 Old 08-10-2009, 09:30 PM
 
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Wow Monica, that is terrible!

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#10 of 44 Old 08-11-2009, 02:02 AM
 
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Me!!! We have the Ergo and I get asked this alot:
Can your baby walk? I say Yes.
Then...well, you should let that baby walk instead of being in that carrier. That baby is too big to be in there.
I say It is good for up to 40 lbs, and LO is 25 lbs. and my Dr. said it is the best way to carry LO.
I then get this: You are going to have back problems. I say No, actually hip carrying is what makes back problems.

And please, do NOT get me started on Organic food, BFing, using green shopping bags! Or not getting all those necessary vaccines.

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#11 of 44 Old 08-11-2009, 05:45 PM
 
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Wow do I know how you ladies feel. I live in a small town in Eastern Washington. We now have a very small natural market, but it's a start. I don't have kids yet, but when I had fosters I tried hard to raise as I would my own. People always gave me flak for feeding them organic or not wanting them to have artificial color (they were horrible when they had some). Vaxing wasn't an issue, because I had no choice in the matter. It broke my heart when I had to get them vaxed though. You talk about being vegetarian and people look at you like your crazy. I live in the middle of cow country, so everyone eats and/or raises meat. I wish there were more crunchy people living here. I think more people are starting to be a little more open minded, but it still hard.

I am going to start TTC in about 6 months to a year and the closest midwives are 2 hours away. I don't really want to birth in the closet hospital (20 min away), so I will drive that. I'm not a very outgoing person, so I don't usually bring things up. Especially things that will cause confrontation.

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#12 of 44 Old 08-12-2009, 05:55 PM
 
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I live in a relatively conservative community in Southern California (I know, I know... our most conservative folks are probably considered libs in many parts of the country). Anyhow, home birth, baby-wearing and nursing in public are quite rare here. I've found that I really enjoy being different. I use my experience as a doula and home birth mom to teach people. When they look at me like I'm nuts for having a home birth, I just look them straight in the eye and ask them, "What is it about home birth that is so frightening to you?". This usually allows us to open up dialogue... and with any luck maybe plant a small seed.

Good luck!
Jen

Quote:"...our bodies must work pretty well, or their wouldn't be so many humans on the planet" --Ina May Gaskin
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#13 of 44 Old 08-12-2009, 06:52 PM
 
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After raising my daughter in Oregon the first three years, being now in San Jose, Ca is saddening. I have no one in Ca that shares the same values as me. And I rarely see babywearing, and never see any breastfeeding. I miss Oregon so much.

Amy, SAHM to 6yo Nadia and 2mo Darcy and Penelope

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#14 of 44 Old 08-14-2009, 03:51 PM
 
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I am in Nebraska and it is harder than hell to find organic anything! There is ONE store that is totally organic and it is an hour away and all my friends think I am totally insane for driving that far and spending money on that "stuff" They think I am nuts because my toddlers have never had fast food and we believe in extended breastfeeding. I feel like a total alien.....:

~ SAHM with two girls (3/9/06) and (7/1/07) and always remembering my angel (3/17/06)~
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#15 of 44 Old 08-17-2009, 01:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ~LadyBug~ View Post
I am in Nebraska and it is harder than hell to find organic anything! There is ONE store that is totally organic and it is an hour away and all my friends think I am totally insane for driving that far and spending money on that "stuff" They think I am nuts because my toddlers have never had fast food and we believe in extended breastfeeding. I feel like a total alien.....:
I know the alien feeling. When I had my foster kids I got so much flack for not taking them to fast food places or feeding them tons of processed food. If I tried explaining why most people would get a glossed over look on their face. Like they couldn't even fathom what I was saying. After awhile I quit trying to explain.

Tanya
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#16 of 44 Old 08-18-2009, 12:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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well I got a laugh form my chiropractor today when I took dd in...he said he saw my facebook page "Monica is to hippie for south Dakota" he thought is was pretty funny, and he knows how I feel. But he has his family standing behind his choices, my own DH doesn't agree with some of the "crazy" stuff I do... he just rolls his eyes tho!

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#17 of 44 Old 08-20-2009, 03:37 PM
 
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Yeah, I just don't understand why people can judge ME, but I don't judge them. Go ahead, give your kids crap, they are not MY kids, but if I politely tell someone "No I am not going to meet you at the McDonalds play area because I have food at home" they just look at me in disbelief like I was turning down the winning lottery ticket


However, I did have a great time shopping at Whole Foods today, the fruit manager gave my girls each a free banana and apple :
A_Random_Phrase likes this.

~ SAHM with two girls (3/9/06) and (7/1/07) and always remembering my angel (3/17/06)~
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#18 of 44 Old 08-20-2009, 05:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by paakbaak View Post
in mexico city here...
hard to be looked at on the street, hard not to be spoken to at the park, hard to make friends, hard, but at the same time fun, knowing that everyone thinks i´m completelly out of my mind!!!!!!!!
Where in Mexico City are you?
I am from there and it is usually really crunchy!! Breastfeeding is the norm, babywearing is common, and most people eat fresh fruits and veggies instead of processed foods. They love their vaxxes though....

Or maybe it is just crunchy compared to where I live (Houston Texas) which is awfully not crunchy.

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#19 of 44 Old 08-20-2009, 10:05 PM
 
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Hey Crunchy friends,
I actually hadn't heard of that term before, but if it is referring to carrots and celery then I guess this is where I belong. It helps me to feel a bit better after reading the posts from you others about how isolated it feels to be the only one in your community who seeks out the natural and organic things in life.
I actually wasn't raised to be any kind of "hippy" or whatever people are called these days- crunchy. I mean I grew up eating meat and watching my parents cut coupons and find good deals at the grocery store. I had no idea what "organic" was back then or even that it existed.

My husband and I got married, graduated college and moved 1500 miles away from our families and communities we had known for all our lives.

Then I decided to make some changes. My DH and I moved down to San Antonio from Utah (where we had grown up) and I was able to start thinking some things through for myself. I did a whole food eating program based off of www.greensmoothiegirl.com and lost about 30 pounds. I started feeling really good, and balanced inside.

Then from the group blog of that site I met other people whose blogs I started following and learned more about raw food eating and baby wearing and cloth diapering and nursing for longer than most people I had known ever did. This opened up a whole new world for me.

In the process, we discovered we were expecting our first baby. I had for a long time believed that I would need to make some changes in my parenting- different from what I grew up with. So my DH and I have been learning new things through reading and networking. But seriously here in San Antonio, there aren't a lot of crunchy people. It's a big city and yet there is only one Whole Foods here.

There are few people that cloth diaper or wear their babies. All the people I talk to about these new discoveries of mine seem quite closed to the idea of anything like that. So I've felt quite alone. I'm hoping I can make friends somehow that can understand where I'm coming from and offer the appropriate encouragement.

Basically I'm wanting a support group that can help me as I make these lifestyle changes. So hopefully this works for that purpose.
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#20 of 44 Old 08-21-2009, 04:16 PM
 
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Welcome NewMom! You will fit right in!

~ SAHM with two girls (3/9/06) and (7/1/07) and always remembering my angel (3/17/06)~
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#21 of 44 Old 08-22-2009, 05:04 AM
 
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I spent three years in west Texas. It was hard at times, not having any friends especially, feeling like people are always staring at me like I'm a freak. Having people tell me there is something wrong with me for being a vegetarian. On the other hand, I do like being different, I used to live in Austin as well and it was really a strange feeling having so many people share the same viewpoints as you. Now we are in a military community and it's not any better. Although, the other day I met a mom who is very crunchy...I was so excited to talk to her. Hopefully she doesn't think I'm a stalker or something. I'm thankful for mothering, I don't know what I would do without it.

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#22 of 44 Old 08-23-2009, 12:52 AM
 
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We are in Wyoming, mostly military community. I got positive comments on babywearing and there are surprisingly many long-term breastfeeders around (nursing e.g. at a military spouse meeting is welcome).
I have gotten grief though for organic foods, not eating processed junk foods and not giving my kid (12months) soda. At local restaurants I see tons of people stuffing their babies/toddlers with soda, burgers, fries and so on.
Nobody knows about our stance on vaccination (none for now, not sure if we will ever do it). Nobody knows about my anti-circ stance, but it hasn't come up yet.
There is one home birther here...
Organic foods are sort of hard to come buy, some things are sold at Walmart (who would have thought), some at Safeway, but for many things I have to drive to Colorado to Wholefoods...
I wouldn't mind being back in the Bay Area, DH's home. He hates it, but I was mostly fine. TONS of people babywear, non-vaxxers, homebirthers, organic eaters... Someone here was in San Jose, I am amazed that you haven't found like minded people. Last time I was at Sant'Anna Row there I saw so many babes in Ergos!
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#23 of 44 Old 08-23-2009, 04:13 AM
 
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After raising my daughter in Oregon the first three years, being now in San Jose, Ca is saddening. I have no one in Ca that shares the same values as me. And I rarely see babywearing, and never see any breastfeeding. I miss Oregon so much.
Sorry you aren't finding community here. I have lived in a few places on the peninsula (PA, RWC and now San Mateo), and while I've never lived in San Jose, I have found a lot of "crunchiness" in this area. Have you tried Harmony in Campbell or Blossom in Palo Alto. They both offer mom/baby classes. My son is now almost 5, but my closest, crunchiest mom friends are those that I met at Blossom when our babies were tiny. Also, Tiny Tots (a store and diaper service) in Campbell may be a good resource. I don't remember if they offer any classes/groups, but they are a cloth diaper store, have slings, nursing supplies, and great clothes and toys (although expensive....).
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#24 of 44 Old 08-24-2009, 04:14 PM
 
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Nobody knows about our stance on vaccination (none for now, not sure if we will ever do it). Nobody knows about my anti-circ stance, but it hasn't come up yet.
There is one home birther here...
Isn't it sad we feel the need to kinda hide our feelings on these topics? Just this weekend a new mom was telling other nurses about how her son had a bad night because of his "ouchie on his penis" after circing I just kept my mouth shut, but oh it can be so hard to do......

~ SAHM with two girls (3/9/06) and (7/1/07) and always remembering my angel (3/17/06)~
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#25 of 44 Old 08-27-2009, 05:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I totally know the feeling of hiding your feelings....sadly I even do it with dh. if we ever have a boy well he most likley wont be circ cuz I think it is unessacary unless it is a religious reason. I don't know if I will have any future kids vaccinated dd is selectivley vax. My dh's cousin just had a baby and some of the things she is doing just break my heart for that poor biy. she said he wants to be held all the time, i offered a carrier, she said "nope, he will just have to get used to the swing." she complains about him waking up every two hours ors o at night and she wants him to sleep thru the night asap, (he was 2 weeks old when this conversation happened) I asked if he sleeps in their room. "NO I cant stand my kids sleeping in the same room as me" it took a lot ot keep my mouth shut around dh's family, but part of me knows they are so ignorant when it comes to that stuff that gigivng them the facts wont help anyway!

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#26 of 44 Old 08-29-2009, 12:06 PM
 
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I spent three years in west Texas. It was hard at times, not having any friends especially, feeling like people are always staring at me like I'm a freak. Having people tell me there is something wrong with me for being a vegetarian. On the other hand, I do like being different, I used to live in Austin as well and it was really a strange feeling having so many people share the same viewpoints as you. Now we are in a military community and it's not any better. Although, the other day I met a mom who is very crunchy...I was so excited to talk to her. Hopefully she doesn't think I'm a stalker or something. I'm thankful for mothering, I don't know what I would do without it.
I SOOOOOOOOOOOO miss Austin! We are on the outskirts of Houston and well, it's NOT Austin!! I am not as crunchy as you guys. I'm not a vegetarian (although we eat less meat since dh and I did the Lemonade Cleanse... it just doesn't taste the same anymore) and I don't do cloth diapers. But we UC, do organic food, don't VAX, do herbs and oils to heal and homeschool. We also didn't circumcize our last 2 little boys. I love wearing my babies, nursing them until they're about 18 months and having them sleep with dh and I until around then.

So, not super crunchy... but too crunchy for my family and most people I meet. I had to ask my sisters and brother not to contact us anymore after they slammed my dh & I in emails about 7 months back. They think we are harming our children and they don't like that we are "financially unstable" (as they call it) because my dh and I are following our dreams, not our pocketbook. ( Sad they won't just love us and agree to disagree)

One of my dh's many talents is comedian/actor/writer so we have traveled quite a bit during the last 6 years... all over the United States and even Canada. We have spent most of our money on traveling as a family so we can stay together instead of my dh being gone weeks or months at a time without us. (no offense to those dh's in the military...that's totally different) We also consider it an education most kids never get! My kids have been on planes, slept on trains and been to about 10 different states!

I have not become cold but quiet. Noone knows we will have another UC. WE will tell them we have a mw and leave it at that. (that gets enough looks, even from people we go to church with) And my family doesn't even know we are expecting. If I can keep it from them until AFTER we have the baby, I will.

Ok, I am sad and feel lonely now... I think I will stop while I am ahead!

Abigail Grace (40ish), Wife to 1 Knight in Shining Armor
Homeschooling Mom to 6 and a surprise bundle due in March
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#27 of 44 Old 09-04-2009, 12:29 AM
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Count me in. We're in suburban Utah. I have gotten so many comments on babywearing, and not ONE person has even known what to call it.

Them: That's a nifty....thing. She looks so happy in there.
Me: Yep, I love my sling.
Them: Did you get it in Africa?

I don't even talk to people about what we do. I wish we were in SLC because it is a little better, but not much...
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#28 of 44 Old 09-08-2009, 06:58 PM
 
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We just moved to Georgia from the northern Virginia/DC area. While northern Virginia is not terribly liberal/hippy, it IS very well educated, and as such there's a wide variety of things, and lots of different people. Crunchy parenting wasn't the majority, but, there was still a lot of it.
We also had a huuuge group of babywearers there, and down here, there's no babywearing group, and I haven't seen anyone wearing a baby except for one Moby at a Wal-mart the first time I went shopping.
It's a big change. And it's hard. It's just very isolating feeling, but I'm trying.
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#29 of 44 Old 09-08-2009, 07:12 PM
 
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I'm also in San Antonio and while I do have a handful of crunchy friends, I've seen like 2 babywearers all year. I have connected w/ other crunchy SA moms, though, on some other forums and now on my FB.

I'll be moving to an even less-crunchy area, though, at the end of October... I'm nervous.

I've gotten a very positive response, though, to my babywearing, in San Antonio and in WV.

 upsidedown.gif  Please see my Community Profile! energy.gif blogging.jpg about Asperger's Syndrome!

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#30 of 44 Old 09-11-2009, 11:20 AM
 
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Originally Posted by SactoMommy View Post
Them: That's a nifty....thing. She looks so happy in there.
Me: Yep, I love my sling.
Them: Did you get it in Africa?



I don't know if I belong here. The crunchiness of my area seems mixed. Chiropractors, homeschooling, and organic products are accepted and pretty common. Babywearing, cloth diapering, and cosleeping seem rare or invite mixed reactions (My baby will be born in winter and I'm already anticipating the stares when I take off my pashmina shawl and there's a baby snuggled in a wrap sling underneath! Hubby says I'll just look "artsy", which will possibly make it seem more "acceptable" in this highly art-oriented area). There are non-vax doctors (even though I'm sure most people vax). Circ is accepted as just the thing to do (to the point that at one of the hospitals I toured about an hour away, when we were researching the nearby birth center, the nurse responded when I asked about consent for circ that "everyone circumcizes". ) Homebirthing is not accepted though it is in the nearby Plain (Amish, Mennonite) communities so there is a small number of people around here who choose it (I've found them on MDC ).

One thing I found is that before I got pregnant and would tell people we were considering having a homebirth, people would get freaked and advise me against it. Once I got pregnant, I was afraid of the same reactions but decided I was not going to hide. I knew my husband and I were confident in our decision and I was just going to TELL people what we were doing. The reactions (even from some of the same people!) were completely different, MUCH more positive, including a few "oh I would have loved to have a homebirth if I wasn't such a coward". I think it was my confident "we've made our decision and are not accepting advise at this time" attitude that changed people's responses. We have not had ONE negative response from family and I was sure at least a few people were going to be completely freaked out.

Thankfully, hubby is mostly on board and is willing to be very openminded about the things he's not sure about. When I told him about EC (something I'm pretty sure NO ONE that I know practices), he said "well THAT makes sense!" I think if I explain it the same way to questioning people ("when the baby shows signs of needing to eliminate, you just put them over an appropriate receptacle instead of dirtying a diaper") I will get more positive responses.

Lore, mom to my sweet little boy, born at home 11/09, and my spunky little girl, born in the hospital 10/10

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