NMY Graduates Love Thread, Part 5 - Page 19 - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-12-2011, 08:57 PM
 
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Hi everyone.  Thanks for the kudos on getting Nugget out!  MMM, I have thoughts for you on your MIL:  did your MIL always favor DP's sis over DP?  That would explain a lot about DP's failure to "stand up" for your family.  Also, did MIL know SIL was having a girl?  Gender preference can be very strong (bewildering to me); when my parents visited after DS's birth (a huge mistake on my part, for DD's adjustment, but that's another story) I was sickened by their constant gendered comments -- how strong he was, how big he was (only 6 oz. more than DD -- not significant), I could go on and on.  And some people are, myseriously, more into babies in theory (in utero) than in fact -- witness all of the buying of baby clothes etc. for baby showers when those same guests (women, I am thinking of) do squat once the baby is actually here and the mother needs more than commercial products.  Not trying to excuse her, and I certainly have seen the hostility from the non-bio grands in same-sex couples.  OTOH, I have a FIL who is biologically related to his grandchildren, plural, and has seen DD twice.  Hasn't sent so much as a card since then, or an acknowledgement of links to photos. 

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Old 02-03-2011, 05:25 PM
 
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I miss you guys!!

 

 

Maev and Jaim are both sick.  :-(   Cough, runny nose, throwing up, headache, fever.  I feel so bad for them.  Right now Maev's watching a thomas the train movie while I sit here in the bathroom with Jaim as he takes a cool bath.  At least he's happy right now.

 

Maev has really gotten into writing her letters.  She can right almost all of them.  J is always backwards, and S is hard for her; but otherwise they look great.  Jaim is saying so many words!  It's so fun!


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Old 02-03-2011, 05:27 PM
 
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Also, my SIL and her family are moving back to CA from MA sometime in the next 6 months.  I'm really excited because Maev and Jaim will have cousins their age living just a few minutes away.  They're 5, 3 and almost 1.


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Old 02-13-2011, 12:18 AM
 
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peace.gif


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Old 02-16-2011, 07:13 AM
 
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Popping in to say "Hi". I just heard the news about Mothering going out of print, and it reminded me what a blessing all of you have been in my life.

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Old 02-20-2011, 08:27 PM
 
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aww, thanks shanna

 

exciting news from noorjahan on fb.  pls update with deets!!

 

ds is 2 mos. and loves to dance!  meaning i hold his hands and he stands and moves his hips.  :)  dd is the world's most loving, attentive, enmeshed big sister.  3 y, 3 m turns out to be great spacing for us because she can read to him and to herself when i need some time with him alone.  which i almost never get.  i have been (am in) hell with a work situation -- basically i have a new boss who is resistant to the concept of leave, as in, stop emailing me assignments!!  fwiw, she herself is a mom, and sah for years.  i would think that experience would translate into some respect for the work involved in maternity leave/parenting but apparently not.  dh has been having a rough time career-wise too but at least he is bonding well with babe and more helpful than i expected with dd.  i am trying to homeschool dd (just for this year) because i can't afford more than 2 days of presch, but i am inconsistent about it.  a lot of my projects take prep time that i just don't make -- i tool around on the internet after dd is in bed (which is late to begin with).  also they presuppose that i can give dd an uncluttered workspace, which presupposes that i am a better housekeeper than i am.  need to hire an au pair for when i go back to work; plan is to teach the kids spanish

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Old 02-20-2011, 08:29 PM
 
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p.s.  with ds, unlike with dd (i think!), i am struggling with overactive letdown, which makes him super gassy and interacts badly with his reflux (which he has indepedently).  i try to block feed but it is not intuitive to me to keep track of time and which boob i am supposed to be using.  and in general the bfing relationship with ds is much different than with dd.  which is sort of disappointing.  i know he's his own person, but it's just weird, yk

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Old 02-21-2011, 10:14 PM
 
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PiePie, sorry about the work trouble and bfing.  :Hugs  It's really weird that your boss doesn't understand having been a SAHM.  I had to block feed with both dd and ds (very overactive letdown).  I think you'll get used to it.  I can usually go based on how my breasts feel when I cup them in my hand (which probably looks pretty weird in public lol.gif ).  

 

 

We are going on a trip to the east coast this summer!  We're flying to NYC for my cousin's wedding and staying there for a few days and then taking the train to Philadelphia, D.C., Charleston and Savannah.  (spending a 2-3 nights in each place)  Then flying back home from Savannah.  These are just some places we've been wanting to visit and we thought it might be fun to take a train trip with the kids.  Hopefully, we're right.  smile.gif  Anyone been on a long train trip with their little ones??  And PiePie, I think we might have time to meet up if you have time.  Also, any suggestions for NYC would be great.  I'm going to ask my cousin too; he lives in Brooklyn.  There are so many things we want to do/see, but we only have 3 or 4 days, and one of those will be the day of the wedding.


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Old 02-22-2011, 01:17 PM
 
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Maela, I hope we can see you during your trip too!  We live right on the train line betw NY & Philly (closer to Philly, but DH takes train to NYC every day, so obv not that far. ;)).  Maybe we can come to NYC and meet up with you & PiePie. 

 

I haven't done a long train trip (not more than 75 mins) but I think it would be better than a comparable car ride.  We wanted to take the train to our vacation in VA last year, but it didn't work since the place we were going to is too far from a station.  I am interested to see how your trip goes, since we have wanted to take the train to Charleston or Savannah.  At least on a train you can move freely, interact with the kids, eat, nurse - all things that can't be done in a car. 


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Old 02-22-2011, 11:05 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cking View Post
At least on a train you can move freely, interact with the kids, eat, nurse - all things that can't be done in a car. 


Exactly!  I'm hoping it's MUCH easier than the car!  And it should be easier than the plane trip.  We'd love to see you guys too!


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Old 02-23-2011, 06:17 PM
 
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Does anyone else dislike this new format? I come here 99% less than I used to because I'm not into the fancy new business. Sad that Mothering is ending it's print life although it's never been available in Australia...And yes, Shanna - I'm so glad we all stumbled across each other all those years ago and thankful to Mothering for facilitating it!

Nice to hear ppls updates. We've been having some pretty tough times - personally, financially and in our relationship. PiePie and Shanna - you both offered such good advice re the situation with DP's family. I think PiePie is pretty spot on with what's going on but it doesn't make it suck less. Interestingly, 2 of DP's cousins have come out as lesbians in the last couple of months so I wonder if that might help her parents feel more normal and comfortable with everything...anyway - I've chosen to disengage with that for the moment, it was too hard. I've realised that I've been pretty depressed for about 6 months now. I'm going to see a counsellor next week and have started taking St Johns Wort. I hate being in this place and am going to do all I can to get out of it. I grew up with a bipolar mother and I do not want that legacy to haunt me, or my son. Real life is tough, huh?

Sebby is totally divine at the moment. His language has finally exploded and I get such a buzz hearing all that he has to say. I went to a 2 night conference a couple of weeks ago, without him. It was super tough on him and on my boobs but I coped so much better than I thought I would and really enjoyed the late night red wine sessions with a bunch of awesome women. (It was an ABA conference - LLL sister org)

Hope you're all smiling xx

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Old 02-23-2011, 06:19 PM
 
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Yeah - I had a massive supply and overactive letdown for about 4 months. Block feeding and feeding laying down helped a lot. Eventually it settled down. Not fun for any babe, especially a reflux-y one!

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Old 02-25-2011, 09:37 PM
 
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yes i would be totally into a meetup!!  i will be back at work, but having fridays off.  where will wedding be?  i will be a bridesmaid on july 11 in brooklyn.  i have lots of ideas for fun things to do in the city with kids, but of course.  are the kids going to be attending the wedding??  on l

 

long train rides are infinitely easier than confinement in a car seat.  you can let the kids run up and down and there is a lot more lap room than on a plane.  lorelei and i semi-regularly do a 75 minute ride and it's fine.  when she was small we started doing nyc to dc -- which is 5 hours.  she was consistently happy for the first 4 1/2 hours and then would get malcontent.

 

thanks for all the love on the overactive letdown.  sidelying nursing helps me too.  not being consistent on the block feeding.  he is doing significantly better -- 2 night sin a row of no screaming -- cross fingers and toes please!

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Old 02-26-2011, 09:23 AM
 
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MMM - :hug :hug  I'm sorry you're going through tough times.

 

 

PiePie, the wedding is on Sat. July 2nd, I don't know where yet.  We should be available the Friday before.  


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Old 03-02-2011, 06:32 PM
 
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Sebby is sleeping in his own bed, in his own room!!! Last night was night 5. He's slept through two of those nights and only one of the other three have been disastrous. As sad as it was to see him go, it was so necessary for me to come back into our room and sleep in the same bed as DP...it's already changed my outlook and our connection is much better too!

Now if only we could find a way to reduce his excruciating 2 hour bedtimes and his 5am wake ups... suggestions welcome!

St John's Wort is already working. Am feeling a whole lot better...

Also realised something very interesting which I wrote about here.

I wish I could be part of a meet-up. Given how broke we are, I can't envisage travel for a very long time but I'd be so thrilled to host any of you if you want to plan a trip down under!! (shanna, still waiting for an explanation of that cryptic facebook status about australia...???)

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Old 03-03-2011, 09:24 PM
 
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MMM - someday I will go to Australia!!  It'll be years from now, but I really really want to go!  

Was it you who said you didn't like the new format?  I'm still getting used to it too, and I don't like it either.  irked.gif


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Old 03-03-2011, 09:43 PM
 
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Hi Ladies,

I miss you all!

 

I’ve really been struggling lately.  DD is in a major control/power struggle phase.  Some days it’s really too much for me to handle.  It’s to the point where I am going to cancel some of our regular outings (like playgroup tomorrow) because leaving the house, and then getting back home, eating lunch, etc.  is just too hard.  I know it’s normal at this age, but she just really takes it to extremes at times – having to do things over, insisting we all retrace our footsteps and do it her way, etc.  I’m exhausted.  I’m thinking of looking into OT for her.  I’ve been discussing it with my sister, who went through a similar thing with her older DD, (who reminds her of my DD in so many ways) and later went through OT with her younger daughter, who was diagnosed with Asperger’s (albeit mild, not obvious). 

 

Struggling in my marriage too.  DH works a ton, is OOT every other week, and asleep on the couch the rest of the time (as in, right now.)  Fighting over “discipline” and whatnot.

 

DS is a joy.  I think one year olds are my favorite.  He is fully mobile (he even dances now) and getting into everything.  Also incredibly stubborn. 

 

Also, I just overdrew my checking account.  Again. :(


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Old 03-12-2011, 08:18 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MujerMamaMismo View Post

(shanna, still waiting for an explanation of that cryptic facebook status about australia...???)

I wish I were really coming to Australia - I would love to meet you irl :love Alas, my comment was related to having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Which is not true today!  Waking up regularly at 6 am with an enthusiastic little munchkin - it used to make me so grumpy, until I embraced it for a time to get to take a walk. Now we're out the door by 6:30, and play outside until about 7:30 am.  Isn't that wild? Mildly grumpy with DH today (more on that, see below). When we're changing work shifts at 9:30 and you're 10 minutes late, I get that sometimes you have to finish up a work segment before you go. Happens to me too when I'm on the phone with a client. However, when I look out the window to the office and see that you're playing warcraft.....
 

 



Quote:
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Hi Ladies,

I miss you all!

 

I’ve really been struggling lately.  DD is in a major control/power struggle phase.  Some days it’s really too much for me to handle.  It’s to the point where I am going to cancel some of our regular outings (like playgroup tomorrow) because leaving the house, and then getting back home, eating lunch, etc.  is just too hard.  I know it’s normal at this age, but she just really takes it to extremes at times – having to do things over, insisting we all retrace our footsteps and do it her way, etc.  I’m exhausted.  I’m thinking of looking into OT for her.  I’ve been discussing it with my sister, who went through a similar thing with her older DD, (who reminds her of my DD in so many ways) and later went through OT with her younger daughter, who was diagnosed with Asperger’s (albeit mild, not obvious). 

 

Struggling in my marriage too.  DH works a ton, is OOT every other week, and asleep on the couch the rest of the time (as in, right now.)  Fighting over “discipline” and whatnot.

 

DS is a joy.  I think one year olds are my favorite.  He is fully mobile (he even dances now) and getting into everything.  Also incredibly stubborn. 

 

Also, I just overdrew my checking account.  Again. :(

 

Christina I want to hug you :-(  I've gone through the power struggles with F so many times. One of the things I've noticed with him is that a) it's guarenteed to happen if he's tired or hungry, so much so that the poor kid is asked to eat something every time he starts to have a fit. I'm sure I'm planting some serious eating disorders :-(  But b) probably the best things DH and I realized is that we were probably confusing Fenton with how often we let him make choices, and how often we would retrace steps to accomodate a whim. Whenever Fenton was mildly uncomfortable, bored, tired or hungry, he wanted to influence the situation to see if it would help him feel better. We had led him to believe that he could influence everything, thinking that if we let him make one more choice, it would help. It rarely did. I know that sounds harsh in these circles to say that we were giving him to many choices, but I started to see that he was genuinely confused about what he had control over and what he didn't. It fell in line with the idea that sometimes they really do need to release some energy in a tantrum, and by trying to pacify him we just kept putting it off. Now he still acts out if he's tired or hungry, but then we know that a) we biffed it by letting him get to that point and b) he has a more realistic expectation of his influence on the household. If he needs to get out some energy, he'll have a little fit and let us comfort him, but then he'll move on.  I don't know if that will help or not, but I thought Id share it since it took us longer to put together than I wish it had.

 

On marital issues......Is there anyone who feels that their marriage is better for having children?  I feel like I'm just hanging on, hoping we make it out of this alive. It's giving me serious reconsideration on having a third child, I just feel so disconnected from my marriage.  I know it isn't true, but it sometimes feels like my partner just gets to do whatever the flip he wants and I'm left dealing with the fallout.  We had a fight last night because he wanted to heat up a frozen pizza for a snack after the kids were in bed. He likes to cook these by setting them directly on the baking rack so the crust gets crispy. The cheese invariably leaks onto the bottom of the oven, burns, and sets the smoke detector off. So as I'm watching him do this, I calmly let him know that I didn't think that was a good idea because the smoke detector was going to go off, wake the children....and what I left unsaid is that you are the  going to look at me like a helpless moron, confused about why they woke up and incompetent to handle getting the smoke detector off and both children back to sleep. And he actually stamped his foot insisting that he do this.  It was so surreal, and clearly he feels like he can never do what he wants because we have children, but.....the whole conversation felt like a metaphor for our marriage right now.  I know that's not true but I look at the things we fight over now and it just seems like we're on different teams. When I make it a point to get each of our needs taken care of (giving each of us time to ourselves every day, getting a regular time out to be alone together)things are great, but then it moves towards the chaos again if there's a lapse in care for even a moment. The data doesnt' look good for our social construct of a nuclear family - I sometimes wonder if he should go hunt, gather and spread his DNA around, and I'll raise the kids with other moms of my species.

 

And, I'm sending all  my love over the overdraw. We've done that so many times, sometimes as an oversight, sometimes because money is just so damn tight. Hope you only had 1 fee instead of dozens :-(



 
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Old 03-12-2011, 10:35 PM
 
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Christina, :hug  I thought what Shanna said was great.  Maev goes through little phases like these every few months it seems; and it does usually mean that I need to step up and take a little more control/make more decisions for her.  (hope that sounds right...)  It's like she's feeling insecure or something.

 

 

Marriage:  It is hard for me because I do feel like he has it easier sometimes.  Now that the kids are a little older though (Jaim's almost a year and a half!), I'm able to take more time for myself too.  that was our problem.  I've found that I just have to take it, and not wait for him to offer.  He does offer, but less than I would like; but I was just waiting for him.  So now instead of waiting for him to say, "Do you want me to watch the kids for a little bit while you run?", I say, "I'm going for a quick run, will you watch the kids for a little bit?"  Or "Are you free on Sunday because I have a baby shower I'd like to go to by myself?" instead of just hinting at the fact that taking both kids to the babyshower with me would be not so fun.  I had to stop letting myself be the default caregiver.


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Old 03-15-2011, 08:08 AM
 
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Sorry I've been so absent. Hugs to you all.

 

Kids really do throw a monkey wrench into marriage, don't they? It's a whole nother level of negotiating. I feel like I've been doing a lot of stepping back with Rhea, and letting DH handle things, mostly because I want her to have a good relationship with him. But then I need to remember she needs to have a good relationship with me also. The whining and the power plays and how DH handles them is what has been getting me lately because he becomes too angry,

 

 

 

 


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Old 03-15-2011, 03:07 PM
 
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God I wish we'd talked more about this relationship stuff earlier. Like so much other parenting stuff, no one really talks about this. For me though, I was so caught up in life that I actually didn't even realise things were going pear shaped until very late in the game. I felt so stupid for letting it happen and I felt as though I was the only one. As soon as I started talking about it with friends (you folks included) who I felt safe with, every.single.one nodded vehemently with experience and a story or 2 to tell which was surprising and comforting to me.

I feel quite nervous to put this out there but it's our sleeping situation that had the biggest impact on our disconnect. Of course I'll be responsive to whatever my next babe's needs are but I feel reluctant to commit to full time co-sleeping again. DS is now sleeping in his own room and DP and I are back in the same bed and the improvement in our relationship is exponential. Some of the friends mentioned above have said the same thing.

Everyday I feel more and more grown up. One day I might feel like an adult!

I'm sorry and comforted to hear that a few of you are also struggling in your relationships. I hope it's a wave that can be ridden out. xoxo

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Old 03-17-2011, 08:06 AM
 
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I think that if DH and I slept in separate beds, that would have a great impact as well. I did sleep on the couch for a few hours last night because DD had a stuffy nose, and that prevents me from sleeping. DD has also taken to sleeping sideways, which is a big problem, but we just don't have enough space for her to have her own real bed, much less a room. So we're trying to make it work.

 

The ILs really tried to force the issue last time we went to see them, which really bothered me. They had bought her a puppy sleeping bag, which we intended for naps (and again, weren't going to force it), and so they basically talked Dh into having sleep in the sleeping bag on an air mattress in between our beds (twin beds, no less, so we couldn't sleep together either). So the first night, we didn't sleep as DD woke up 5 times. It was like having a newborn. But she really wanted to prove to her grandparents that she could do it, and didn't crawl into one of our beds. She did that the second night. And the ILs? "Oh yeah, we expected that." So thanks. You wanted us not to sleep?

 

My point is that because DH is their son, he should have said no way to this plan, as it did make him uncomfortable to even want to do this as opposed to me. I have enough problems communicating with them.  Blah.


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Old 03-17-2011, 01:30 PM
 
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It's been a long time...can't seem to make the time for myself online or otherwise eyesroll.gif.  and of course i can't seem to navigate the new system either.  should be easier, but i'm technologically challenged...

 

i'm truly sad to hear that mothering ceased publication.  i read what shanna said on the last page and couldn't agree more-i really have enjoyed the time with this online community.  and if it hadn't been for mothering magazine, i never would have found yall. 

 

 


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Old 03-21-2011, 09:21 PM
 
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Just wanted to say thank you for the responses - esp Shanna.  I will be back with my response soon.  it's hard to find a free moment to type a message - I'm sure I don't have to tell any of you that.  love to you all. blowkiss.gif


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Old 03-23-2011, 06:28 PM
 
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I feel quite nervous to put this out there but it's our sleeping situation that had the biggest impact on our disconnect. Of course I'll be responsive to whatever my next babe's needs are but I feel reluctant to commit to full time co-sleeping again. 

I'm feeling similarly, and quite confused by it. 

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Old 03-23-2011, 06:48 PM
 
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And now for a complete diversion:

 

I'm doing a Birth2Baby fair for my business in May, and trying to think of what kind of atmosphere to create, promotions to hand out. 

I've gotten a lot of tips about creating a homey environment at my booth: comfy chair, candles, plants, warm table covering......

This is in stark contrast to the picture I have in my head of a bulletin board of pictures and class information. Anyone have any ideas of what might be cool? For a homey environment, I'm just not sure what I would do with it. It's not like pregnant women are going to plan to meet their friends at my booth, kwim?

 

And I'm trying to think of cool favors to hand out with my business info, but I suspect everyone and their dead dog will be handing out pregnancy tea. Any other ideas that convey "nurturing"? Maybe sticks of incense with my biz card......

Anyone want to try on  my business hat and brainstorm with me?

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Old 03-24-2011, 07:01 PM
 
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Christina I want to hug you :-(  I've gone through the power struggles with F so many times. One of the things I've noticed with him is that a) it's guarenteed to happen if he's tired or hungry, so much so that the poor kid is asked to eat something every time he starts to have a fit. I'm sure I'm planting some serious eating disorders :-(  But b) probably the best things DH and I realized is that we were probably confusing Fenton with how often we let him make choices, and how often we would retrace steps to accomodate a whim. Whenever Fenton was mildly uncomfortable, bored, tired or hungry, he wanted to influence the situation to see if it would help him feel better. We had led him to believe that he could influence everything, thinking that if we let him make one more choice, it would help. It rarely did. I know that sounds harsh in these circles to say that we were giving him to many choices, but I started to see that he was genuinely confused about what he had control over and what he didn't. It fell in line with the idea that sometimes they really do need to release some energy in a tantrum, and by trying to pacify him we just kept putting it off. Now he still acts out if he's tired or hungry, but then we know that a) we biffed it by letting him get to that point and b) he has a more realistic expectation of his influence on the household. If he needs to get out some energy, he'll have a little fit and let us comfort him, but then he'll move on.  I don't know if that will help or not, but I thought Id share it since it took us longer to put together than I wish it had.

 

On marital issues......Is there anyone who feels that their marriage is better for having children?  I feel like I'm just hanging on, hoping we make it out of this alive. It's giving me serious reconsideration on having a third child, I just feel so disconnected from my marriage.  I know it isn't true, but it sometimes feels like my partner just gets to do whatever the flip he wants and I'm left dealing with the fallout.  We had a fight last night because he wanted to heat up a frozen pizza for a snack after the kids were in bed. He likes to cook these by setting them directly on the baking rack so the crust gets crispy. The cheese invariably leaks onto the bottom of the oven, burns, and sets the smoke detector off. So as I'm watching him do this, I calmly let him know that I didn't think that was a good idea because the smoke detector was going to go off, wake the children....and what I left unsaid is that you are the  going to look at me like a helpless moron, confused about why they woke up and incompetent to handle getting the smoke detector off and both children back to sleep. And he actually stamped his foot insisting that he do this.  It was so surreal, and clearly he feels like he can never do what he wants because we have children, but.....the whole conversation felt like a metaphor for our marriage right now.  I know that's not true but I look at the things we fight over now and it just seems like we're on different teams. When I make it a point to get each of our needs taken care of (giving each of us time to ourselves every day, getting a regular time out to be alone together)things are great, but then it moves towards the chaos again if there's a lapse in care for even a moment. The data doesnt' look good for our social construct of a nuclear family - I sometimes wonder if he should go hunt, gather and spread his DNA around, and I'll raise the kids with other moms of my species.

 

And, I'm sending all  my love over the overdraw. We've done that so many times, sometimes as an oversight, sometimes because money is just so damn tight. Hope you only had 1 fee instead of dozens :-(


 


ok, i'm clueless on the new system with editing quoted posts...sorry!

 

from the first paragraph - yes, I think it's also influenced if she's tired or hungry (usually both!).  We've been struggling with Friday playgroup - which is held from 10-noon, and includes snacks - usually fruit.  Most people linger for a while longer, so she's often exhausted and very hungry by the time we leave, and for a while would fall asleep on the way home.  I was taking measures to fix this - bringing along a lunch, etc. but as it happens we haven't even been to playgroup in about 4 weeks, for various reasons.  I am really missing the time with other adults!  Also this is a problem for her preschool - she had been staying from 9-11, but since most of the two year olds were turning three, they started to have them stay until 12.  I thought she needed the extra time, but the transition was really tough, and we've had a very hard time getting home from school when I pick her up at 12.  (won't leave the school, won't get in the car, won't get out of the car.....)

 

Also, yes to the second part about too much control.  We're working on trying to find a balance.  I've been talking with my sister about this quite a bit, as she went through similar things with her two daughters (now 17 & 20) - she suggested that J is trying to find our limits.  I get that...and we're working on it.

 

My sister also suggested OT for sensory integration dysfunction - something she went through with her younger dd.  We have an evaluation next week - I'm nervous, mostly about J's reaction to the visit.  But I do hope that she qualifies for some sort of therapy - I need some help!  redface.gif

 

Shanna, I feel like that pizza incident totally could have happened here.  We have actually had arguments over the smoke alarm and the kitchen exhaust fan (the new, quiet one, which he went to great pains to install, but still hesitates to use because *I'm* so sensitive to noise.  I have to remind him that I'm much more sensitive to the sound of the freakin alarm, and even to the smell of burning food. :duh)  But yes, it does feel like we're on different teams.  It makes me sad - I'm looking forward to the weekend to spend time with him and get a break from solo parenting -- but he's not having fun while he's here and most likely looking forward to returning to work.  greensad.gif

 

 

 


Mama to J (Apr 01 '08) and N (Feb 13 '10)
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Old 03-26-2011, 07:59 AM
 
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ok, i'm clueless on the new system with editing quoted posts...sorry!

 

from the first paragraph - yes, I think it's also influenced if she's tired or hungry (usually both!).  We've been struggling with Friday playgroup - which is held from 10-noon, and includes snacks - usually fruit.  Most people linger for a while longer, so she's often exhausted and very hungry by the time we leave, and for a while would fall asleep on the way home.  I was taking measures to fix this - bringing along a lunch, etc. but as it happens we haven't even been to playgroup in about 4 weeks, for various reasons.  I am really missing the time with other adults!  Also this is a problem for her preschool - she had been staying from 9-11, but since most of the two year olds were turning three, they started to have them stay until 12.  I thought she needed the extra time, but the transition was really tough, and we've had a very hard time getting home from school when I pick her up at 12.  (won't leave the school, won't get in the car, won't get out of the car.....)

 

Also, yes to the second part about too much control.  We're working on trying to find a balance.  I've been talking with my sister about this quite a bit, as she went through similar things with her two daughters (now 17 & 20) - she suggested that J is trying to find our limits.  I get that...and we're working on it.

 

My sister also suggested OT for sensory integration dysfunction - something she went through with her younger dd.  We have an evaluation next week - I'm nervous, mostly about J's reaction to the visit.  But I do hope that she qualifies for some sort of therapy - I need some help!  redface.gif

 

Shanna, I feel like that pizza incident totally could have happened here.  We have actually had arguments over the smoke alarm and the kitchen exhaust fan (the new, quiet one, which he went to great pains to install, but still hesitates to use because *I'm* so sensitive to noise.  I have to remind him that I'm much more sensitive to the sound of the freakin alarm, and even to the smell of burning food. :duh)  But yes, it does feel like we're on different teams.  It makes me sad - I'm looking forward to the weekend to spend time with him and get a break from solo parenting -- but he's not having fun while he's here and most likely looking forward to returning to work.  greensad.gif

 

 

 

Ditto on how confusing the new editing system is.

 

Have any of you read "Simplicity parenting"?  Its an awesome book, one of the few parenting books that I think are worth anything.  One of the big things I started to see with our kids is how hard transitions are on all of us: shifting an entire family's inertia to get somewhere, do something different, get in the car, pack the diaper bag, get the sippy cups......Once we're finally in teh car, I"m exhausted. It often feels like trying to navigate a shopping cart that's overflowing. Brandon and I finally, after many parent FAILs, implemented a guideline that we do only 1 outing with the kids per day, and only 1 evenign per week where we stay somewhere so late in the evening that we get home right before bed. This was sort of tough, because almost every day we each work a 4-hour shift at home, and whenever you're the one caretaking in the winter, you want to be the one to take the kids out of the house. But we saw one day where I took the kids to the library and chiropractor, got the kids home for lunch, and then B wanted to turn around at 1 and take them out again, and we were frustrated that the kids were a mess. Anyway, the book does a great job of seeing being on "Adult time" from a kids perspective, that they just can't stack activities the way we want to.

 

Christina, with your situation: Would it help to have less centralized Mama-dates so you don't have to transition J as often? Like invite moms you like to your house, instead of going out? I saw the beauty of this when we were on one car and everyone came to me. I also saw last week how much different my kids were when the weather wasn't frigid and we could be outside most of the day. And, as I'm constantly reminding myself, parenting is hard, and not because I'm doing it wrong. Not everything is an opportunity for change and improvement, so  my advice may be worthless :-) 

 

I don't know if it's of interest here (I feel like we've talked about it) but my business does an eNewsletter once a month and in April the article is about Mama Rage. I'm really proud of the article, it has some great resources to share. If you want to sign up for the newsletter, you can here.  Sorry for the ad, but I think of all of you a lot with the work I'm doing, and I'd like to share it.  There's nothing to buy :-)

 

Potty training today again, take 5. And no, I don't mean "potty learning". I'd give him dog biscuits at this point if I thought it would help. At this point, I don't care about his motivations, don't care if he does it to please me, I just want to stop changing his flipping diapers. Other than that, I love this age! He turns 4 today, can you believe it?  I know what you're thinking, Why are you potty training on his birthday? He chose it as his deadline, after I told him kindly that I didn't want to change him anymore and that I was confident he was capable of doing it. We bought some exciting big boy underwear (because he's outgrowing the 2t/3t undies he already has. What a cruel joke) and an exciting Batman book that we read when we're on the potty and having a hard time staying long enough to actually get urine in the potty. I'd buy the kid a pony if I thought it would help......Wish me luck.

 

Lord, I miss you ladies :-)

 

PiePie, I saw Jane Eyre yesterday! Thanks for the advice blowkiss.gif
 

 

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Old 03-27-2011, 06:02 PM
 
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And now for a complete diversion:

 

I'm doing a Birth2Baby fair for my business in May, and trying to think of what kind of atmosphere to create, promotions to hand out. 

I've gotten a lot of tips about creating a homey environment at my booth: comfy chair, candles, plants, warm table covering......

This is in stark contrast to the picture I have in my head of a bulletin board of pictures and class information. Anyone have any ideas of what might be cool? For a homey environment, I'm just not sure what I would do with it. It's not like pregnant women are going to plan to meet their friends at my booth, kwim?

 

And I'm trying to think of cool favors to hand out with my business info, but I suspect everyone and their dead dog will be handing out pregnancy tea. Any other ideas that convey "nurturing"? Maybe sticks of incense with my biz card......

Anyone want to try on  my business hat and brainstorm with me?


Double ditto - this new editing system is hard work...
I do a few of these shows a year with the maternity reform group I'm involved with and what really draws women in, other than comfy chairs to breastfeed in, is the big pile of *sound* pregnancy, birth & parenting books. And I hate to be Negative Nancy, but I really doubt they'll let you burn candles.

In terms of favours, some of the enviro friendly(ish) nappy companies love providing samples for people like us to give out. Bambo are the ones that I've had good luck with - I don't know if they're available in the US but they're Danish and I'd be surprised if they came to Australia but not the US...

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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Old 03-28-2011, 12:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ~Shanna~ View Post

And now for a complete diversion:

 

I'm doing a Birth2Baby fair for my business in May, and trying to think of what kind of atmosphere to create, promotions to hand out. 

I've gotten a lot of tips about creating a homey environment at my booth: comfy chair, candles, plants, warm table covering......

This is in stark contrast to the picture I have in my head of a bulletin board of pictures and class information. Anyone have any ideas of what might be cool? For a homey environment, I'm just not sure what I would do with it. It's not like pregnant women are going to plan to meet their friends at my booth, kwim?

 

And I'm trying to think of cool favors to hand out with my business info, but I suspect everyone and their dead dog will be handing out pregnancy tea. Any other ideas that convey "nurturing"? Maybe sticks of incense with my biz card......

Anyone want to try on  my business hat and brainstorm with me?


 And I hate to be Negative Nancy, but I really doubt they'll let you burn candles.

 

Oooo, good point. I'm thinking of doing a seed-planting favor: Having a table where women can decorate a pot for a plant for their baby, maybe naming it what they are calling their baby right now, and then planting a seed that they can watch grow. It incorporates birth art and the BFW philosophy so well.....
 

 

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