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Old 06-30-2010, 10:39 PM
 
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Are we the only couple that spend the days before deployment/training arguing?!?!
No, not at all. We went through this the first 3-4 times dh was leaving for either deployments or longer training. Not to say that I'm an angel but most of it was caused by my dh. I think there were two main things driving his nasty mood. One was stress about the deployment or whatever. The other was a way to make it easier for him to leave, subconsciously. He would start to detach and distance himself from us days before he left. I felt it and would react to it. The big thing for us was to acknowledge it and talk about it. Once we did that, we stopped fighting. The last 2 times dh has left have been good times.

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Old 06-30-2010, 10:39 PM
 
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just a heads up that hypnobirthing and hypnobabies are two different schools of thought and significantly different training and mindset.

we have been having talks about them in some of the forums. most ladies tend to thing they are that same thing and just mix and match the names. i read up on both and like hynobabies way more for my personal way i see the world, it does seem to be more liked around here from what the threads show. there are certainly those that like both too.

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Old 06-30-2010, 10:54 PM
 
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This has probably been shared here before but *squee* I am SO doing this for Mae when she arrives in August/September.

And DHs cousins little one, her hubby just made Cpl last month

And one of DHs men whos wife is due shortly after me

http://www.marinewives.com/index.php...89/Itemid,348/

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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Old 06-30-2010, 11:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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, MK. I saw your email and have been meaning to get back to you. If there is anything at all that you need please feel free to PM me anytime, even if it's just to vent. I'm sorry that he is leaving early. It's very common to argue before separations. I think it has to do with all that is mentioned above. The thing that helps us most is to acknowledge those feelings but just try to make the best of it as much as we can. I too cried a lot every night right before he left, it was really important to get those emotions out. I'm wishing you as much peace as can be mustered right now. We are here for you.

I'll grab Hypnobirthing for her as well, I figure you can never have too many pregnancy books

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Old 06-30-2010, 11:16 PM
 
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OMG! I love the idea of the birth orders!!!

I am definitely going to make one for DH and send it to him after our little one comes in a few weeks!! That is adorable! Thanks for sharing!!

Kourtney, happily married to my soldier and raising ds 7/08 .... dd 7/10..... and ds 11/11

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Old 06-30-2010, 11:18 PM
 
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I'll grab Hypnobirthing for her as well, I figure you can never have too many pregnancy books
I will try to find DHs daddy book too... I forget what it is called but I am AMAZED by it.

It talks bluntly about how sometimes you cant avoid a C-section but if you can, its better for baby. About how breastfeeding is WAY better for baby (but not to blame mommy if something happens and breastfeeding doesn't work out) and how cloth diapers are now as easy to put on as disposables, but much cheaper in the long run.

But yeah, Ill get the name for you if you want... DH loves it (its intelligent, does not talk down at him, but has a lot of humor written in) and I love that its teaching him more about this stuff I'm always rambling about!

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OMG! I love the idea of the birth orders!!!

I am definitely going to make one for DH and send it to him after our little one comes in a few weeks!! That is adorable! Thanks for sharing!!
DH loved it too, shared it with his brother over in Yuma to do for his Marines when they have little ones (he has, I think, two females about to go on maternity leave?)

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Old 06-30-2010, 11:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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MW - I'm really trying to refocus as well. I do want more children but I'm just not sure if I want to have another one now or wait until later, most likely when my kids are 4 and 6 is when we'll be able to TTC again but there are so many unknowns for that period of time. I think at this point I'm not going to do OPK's or anything to really keep track, I already have an idea of when I ovulate though my cycle has been off lately. Basically not really try but not prevent either, and if I'm not pregnant by the time September rolls around then we're calling it quits.

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Old 07-01-2010, 01:14 AM
 
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Katie ~ We have a not trying but not preventing thread going in Family Planning if you're interested. I'm not sure if it makes anyone more obsessive or not. I'm always obsessed with whether or not I'm pg (when dh is home). Not everyone is charting or using opks or anything, just not doing anything to prevent a pg. The Whatever Thread

My LOs would be 7 and almost or 4 by the time I could have another. I don't know if things would be easier or harder. On the one hand, my middle ds will be more independent and more helpful (maybe). He's already getting that way. Getting/making his own food and drinks. Waking up and coming downstairs in the morning without crying for me. My youngest is a handful, though. He's very energetic and likes to do crazy things, makes a lot of messes. He's just 3 so I don't know if that will get better or worse in the near future. On the other hand, just the idea of having yet another person that I have to do everything for all the time scares me. At the moment, I don't think I can do it.

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Old 07-01-2010, 12:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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MW - I'll check out that thread. with DD I was obsessive about TTC but she came along quickly. DS was a total surprise so she was really my first TTC experience. This time I really don't want to be obsessive or anxious about it because of the 10 million other things going on in life right now, I don't want one more thing to obsess over so if it's meant to be it'll happen. I agree that having two older ones would probably be easier, but at that point I also think we'll be at a different stage in life that may make having a new baby more difficult.They'll both be homeschooling and DH has to decide what to do about his career. There are upsides and downsides to all of it.

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Old 07-01-2010, 12:32 PM
 
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MW - I'll check out that thread. with DD I was obsessive about TTC but she came along quickly. DS was a total surprise so she was really my first TTC experience. This time I really don't want to be obsessive or anxious about it because of the 10 million other things going on in life right now, I don't want one more thing to obsess over so if it's meant to be it'll happen.
If you don't usually obsess over it, joining that thread might cause you to obsess more. If you are an obsesser all the time (like me), it might help you relax a little. Hehe

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I agree that having two older ones would probably be easier, but at that point I also think we'll be at a different stage in life that may make having a new baby more difficult.They'll both be homeschooling and DH has to decide what to do about his career. There are upsides and downsides to all of it.
There's a big part of me that's looking forward to the time when all of my kids are old enough to poo in the toilet, dress themselves, get their own drinks and snacks and don't want to be carried up and down the stairs every.single.time. I go up or down them. I'm also looking forward to the day when they can stay home by themselves for an hour or two while I run an errand. Plus, my house is always a complete mess. No matter how many times a day I wash dishes and sweep and mop the floor, by bedtime it's completely trashed again.

We homeschool but I see that as a plus for having a new baby. No having to get up early regardless of how much sleep I've gotten. No fighting over homework. No classroom obligations. My middle son turns 7 in January so I'll have to register with the state either this year or next. There's some confusion about whether we're supposed to register at the beginning of the school year or at the time your child becomes school-aged. That won't change anything we've been doing except that I have to figure out a way to keep attendance records. When you unschool at home it's pretty obvious that the children would be in attendance every day so it seems silly for me to have to record it.

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Old 07-02-2010, 05:57 AM
 
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hi ladies. i was hoping i could get some input. dh has brought up joining the army. he's mentioned it a handful of times over the years going back to when we were just dating. i've always been strongly opposed to it. so, he's brought it up again... we have 2 girls- 6 and 4. honestly, i can only think of negatives about him joining- *especially* now that we have children. and in my head if he were to join all of the worst case scenarios would come true.
can i just pick your brains? i don't have any military families to talk to about this irl.
i know one positive for him is money. and my point of view is i'd rather be broke and see him every day. and if he joins our credit score is still going to be terrible. joining is not the answer to our financial stresses. there's the seperation from me and the girls, moving and uprooting our lives- and us not controlling where we live but the army... all of this is hard enough but now that we have 2 girls- one already in school and the other is about to be, it makes it just that much harder for me to even think about not saying no.
i mean this isn't just a changing jobs kind of decision. it's a life changing decision! like i said earlier- i just don't see the upside to him joining. i do see lots of major stresses and traumas we would have added to our lives that we wouldn't have if he just didn't join.
but i am here asking for input because i love the man more than words and want to make sure that i am able to get input from military families who know what it's like and that i really research this instead of just saying NO because it scares the poop out of me and saying no is easier than giving it serious thought. if he is seriously considering it then i should seriously look into it as well.
so i'm looking for any input. like would you honestly choose the military lifestyle for your family? is your spouse being in the military really worth all the sacrifices? how do you deal with having children and moving around and your spouse being away? tips? advice? anything?? this is a really big issue for me and i'm freaking out just thinking about it. i really appreciate any input you might have!

Melanie
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Old 07-02-2010, 11:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Melanie - I think it REALLY depends on your life circumstances. It's not a simple decision at all. There are a lot of things to take into account, particularly if you already have children. There are a lot of sacrifices involved. Do you know if he feels this is more of a personal calling to him, or is it mostly for financial reasons? Has he explored other avenues for career change, like going back to school? Has he spoke with people in the military in-depth about their lifestyle, and not just recruiters? Would he be willing to go back to school and join ROTC to get assistance with college, and then join the Army as an officer? That may be a better route if he's looking for a complete career change but doesn't intend to retire from the Army.

In my personal experience, if several things could have gone differently in life I don't think we would have chosen this route. But they didn't so here we are, and we're making the best of it. We have had to make a lot of sacrifices, but in the end we still have each other. It was different for us because I met my DH while he was in ROTC and Reserves, so we transitioned into it gradually before having a family. That could make a big difference but I have no other personal experience to compare it to.

It's nice knowing my DH has job security, particularly with the way the economy has gone, and it's set him up well for getting a job once he gets out. Moving around often is appealing to me because I like a change of scenery and it gives our kids the opportunity to experience and see many things and places. It's been exceptionally important to have a support system in place for when he's gone and to have activities for all of us to keep busy with. It's hard knowing he has 4 years left because we're ready for the next stage in life but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

In the end it really needs to be a family decision and I think your opinion does matter, I hope you can both come to a decision that you feel good about

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Old 07-02-2010, 12:09 PM
 
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so i'm looking for any input. like would you honestly choose the military lifestyle for your family? is your spouse being in the military really worth all the sacrifices? how do you deal with having children and moving around and your spouse being away? tips? advice? anything?? this is a really big issue for me and i'm freaking out just thinking about it. i really appreciate any input you might have!
I did choose it. I just married my DH almost 3 weeks ago. I already had a 7 year old boy and a girl that just turned 5 by my exhusband... and am pregnant with DHs first child. I would not trade DH for the world... even with all we have already been through and what it will put us through in the future.

Is him being in the Marines worth living 1100 miles away from my family? Yes. I do not actually see any other sacrifices. And even living so far from my family is not that bad now that technology has given us things like Skype. I mean... DH was deployed most of last year, he proposed on his 2 week R&R from Kuwait before they shipped him off to Iraq... and we got pregnant his first time home after going to Iraq. That was not really a sacrifice to me. Many jobs keep a spouse away for months at a time. At least this one I knew the chances of him cheating on me were WAY less than with so-called business trips! Plus, as I already mentioned... Skype is so awesome for keeping in touch. Even when he didnt have internet in his room, the USO has Skype (they teamed up in November so I believe all USOs now have Skype for the men to use?) Sometimes it was a little harder to get to see him but not touch him... but I just imagine how much harder it was 20 years ago for my mom while my step dad was out on the boat and she rarely even got phone calls!

As for having kids and moving... yes, that's tough. I was hoping my kids could go through the same school system I graduated in because I loved it... but at the same time I have to think... that's a whole lot more places they are going to live in their life that they may never have seen otherwise! I was 12 before I saw an ocean (and that was while my step-dad was stationed in San Diego!) and 26 before I saw the Atlantic Ocean (and that was when I flew out here to NC to surprise DH for his birthday) If it werent for the military, I may never have gone to either coast to know how much I love the ocean.

If it weren't for the military... my life would still be horrible. I mean, yeah its not a financial wizard... but I'm no longer on state medicaid. No longer on foodstamps. And with him joining at the bottom, you would probably still qualify for all of that with two kids (I'm not sure?) but if he really wants to do this and is really motivated... he can rise in rank pretty fast.

My brother just joined the Army... left for basic in June. One awesome thing they are doing now that they didnt before... his basic training platoon is on Facebook! Obviously we cant talk to him, but they take tons of pictures of all the men and women and it makes it a lot easier to be separated! This time last year, one of my best friends husbands went through basic and at the time Facebook was not allowed by the military (a rule they changed only a few months back i think?) so she didnt have that same connection. Its really awesome to be able to be shown that indeed... when he says he is okay, he really is okay!

So that's my pro-military-family rant...

but my background is that obviously my step-dad was Navy. I was Army for a while back pre-9/11. My brother is now Army. I have a lot of friends who are Army, Navy, Marine Corps and Coast Guard. (Oddly none in the Air Force... lol. Just odd.)

So I know its really not all bad, from first, second and third-hand experience. But I also have that huge support system to help me out when things get confusing or stressful (and I wont lie, they will...)

But as I said, with today's technology, the amount of sacrifices you make are much smaller.

As for what I am sure you were alluding to by worst case scenarios... as I have said, I know a LOT of military members. Almost all of them have been deployed at some point or other. My sweetheart DH (seriously most gentle man on earth when he is home) is a combat veteran. Hes been shot at, hes shot back. Its their job. They are trained to do it and trained how to best take care of themselves in that situation to avoid harm... or worse. Yes, some do die or get captured... but so many many many many many more do not. I know a man who recently came home from his 6th time over there. 6! And never once has he even seen fighting! As long as your hubby isn't wanting to go into infantry, the chances he will see actual combat are a lot lower than you may think.

With all of the military I have known to be deployed... I only know of one who has died. And that was not overseas. That was back home, at Thanksgiving. And according to the note he left, it was majorly in part to him not getting the help he needed after being overseas and seeing/doing what he did (but he was doing some real dirty work back at the beginning of the war.)

So I would have to say as for him getting deployed... if he does, just make sure he gets help if he needs it when he gets home!

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Old 07-02-2010, 12:31 PM
 
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I chose the military lifestyle for me and my 1 child (at the time). I had married my dh about a year before he said he wanted to join the Marines. I knew that was his life's passion. He had always wanted to be a Marine and hadn't done it when he was younger only because his mother had talked (guilted) him out of it because she was afraid.

We talked about it and decided it would be a good thing for our family. I was working full time then but wanted to stay home for the son I had and have more babies. I hate working. I also hated where we were living and was excited at the idea of moving somewhere else. So, I told dh I would support him as long as I didn't have to work and he'd get me the heck out of dodge!

For the most part, it's been worth it. We took a huge income cut. We lost my entire $70,000+ salary and his was cut by about $30,000 but we ended up being better of financially because of all the benefits from the military and moving away from a very high cost of living area.

Things have been getting harder (for me, at least) as the years go by and dh is gone yet again. It's difficult when he's gone for 6 months to a year at a time and the repeated deployments and such are really getting to me. I wouldn't give it up to get back the life we had, though. It's still better.

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Old 07-02-2010, 01:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Definitely agree about Skype, I don't know how we'd get through separations without it. It was so nice for the kids to see their dad and interact with him. I remember the first time Liam ever saw his dad over the computer and didn't realize it was real-time until DH started playing peak-a-boo with him. The joy on that kid's face was priceless. It was so amazing for the kids to have the opportunity to "be" with him even if he wasn't physically around. It certainly makes separations easier.

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Old 07-02-2010, 02:16 PM
 
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We've never used Skype, specifically, but we have used webcams before. We were only able to communicate that way when he was in Okinawa, though, not ever when he was deployed to a combat zone. My dh was away from the base camp so much and didn't have regular internet access when he was at the base camp so it wasn't an option. How are you guys able to do that during deployments to Iraq and/or Afghanistan?

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Old 07-02-2010, 02:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My DH deployed in May but didn't get access to internet until around Christmas time because their FOB was still being built as they were living there. At that point they could pay for internet in their rooms (it was $80 a month there). He also had internet access at work from his office but didn't always have it for personal use, but we could communicate either through email/messenger/Skype from there when he was allowed to bring his personal laptop.

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Old 07-02-2010, 02:34 PM
 
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Don't count on being able to Skype/webcam/etc. Communications capabilities really vary depending on a whole lot of factors!

DH and I married when he had a year left on his first enlistment. We've made the reenlistment decision together every time. We've been planning on doing 20 ever since the first reenlistment, but, like MW says, it's getting harder over the years, not easier. Sure, we know what to expect with deployments and how to handle them, but it's wearing.

You'll need to assess your family's resilience when making your decision. Are you an independent sort, or are you strongly invested in the interdependence of nearby family &/or social network? Etc...

It comes down to 2 things for us. 1) DH feels called to do the work he does. 2) We have a specific goal for what we want to do in retirement that the retirement benefits will help us achieve. If it was just a question of one work option over another, we would have bailed after 8 yrs.

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Old 07-02-2010, 03:02 PM
 
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DH was a POG over there... doing the paperwork and customs to send Marines and soldiers home from Iraq during the big pull out... so he was at Al Asad which is pretty well equipped. He was doing the same in Kuwat at Ali Al Salem airbase... where he actually volunteered at the USO and was helping other guys set up Skype calls to talk with their wives/kids back home. At both bases he was able to get internet in his room, the one in Kuwait was like $30 per month which is cheaper than what I had in Illinois. In Iraq it was based on how much time he wanted, and ran something like $85/90 per month for what he wanted. And that one he had to be sure to only use so much at a time.

I know its not a common thing... BIL was in Afghanistan most of last year and only got to get on Skype twice to talk to his little boy so that was pretty difficult for them.

But the times you do get is better than nothing at all. The first time BILs son saw him after his deployment (he was a bit over 2 years old at hte time) he kept touching his face and yelling DADDY! because he was so amazed to finally touch him again. It was so cute!

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Old 07-02-2010, 03:20 PM
 
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My DH deployed in May but didn't get access to internet until around Christmas time because their FOB was still being built as they were living there. At that point they could pay for internet in their rooms (it was $80 a month there). He also had internet access at work from his office but didn't always have it for personal use, but we could communicate either through email/messenger/Skype from there when he was allowed to bring his personal laptop.
That explains a lot. My dh didn't have a room. I think they were in big tents. I'm not sure if he had to share with just one other guy or with a large group. He's had to do both. He didn't have an office, either, since he was usually patrolling in country. He did have an office and a room that he shared with one other guy when he was in Iraq for his IA but still no webcam access. I think he may have had sporadic personal internet access but I really don't remember.


So, yeah, like Shannon said, internet/email/webcam access is not reliable. Most of the time I communicated with my dh through snail mail or motomail and had to wait for him to write back or call on the rare occasion that he was back at base camp long enough to make a phone call. A lot of times my dh would give up his call time to someone else who had a pressing need to call home. I was lucky if I heard from him every 2 weeks. Sometimes we'd go for a month a more without talking.

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Old 07-02-2010, 03:29 PM
 
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thank you so much for the quick replies! i really really appreciate it! and thank you for your honesty! lots of food for thought... i'm not as radically opposed to it as i was the other times he has brought it up. i really felt like this time i needed to really think about it before i gave an answer. there are a ton of issues that go with this that i owe it to him to dig through and figure out how i really feel. a lot of it is fear. fear of change. little changes i can handle great but big giant life changing ones not so much. right now the reserves are looking a lot more ideal because the demand on him is less which i like. short periods of seperation i think i could survive but year long deployments i'm not so sure- especially with our girlies. thank you for all the questions you asked me to think about. very very helpful!!

Melanie
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Old 07-02-2010, 04:35 PM
 
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okay so i have no army knowledge. do all enlisted army people get deployed for long periods of time? dh is a computer guy and has said that if he were to joint he army he would still want to be an IT guy. anyhoo, are all active army people deployed at some point? i guess my big fear is that he would be gone for a year. that is one of the things that is really holding me back from being cool with him joining the army. i think we could handle shorter periods of time but a year is not something i would want. that would really keep me from being on board with him signing up.

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Old 07-02-2010, 05:37 PM
 
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I love our military lifestyle! That being said, as a current recruiters wife, I would first make sure that your husband even qualifies for the military before making any big decisions or getting your mind set on one way or another. Right now I would say about 1 in 3 people are actually disqualified and some months it is about 1 in 2. And sometimes it takes months or even longer to actually be able to even enlist.

We are currently on recruiting duty so my husband could be home for three years and we could start having children. I did not want to be preggo with him deployed or have him leave right after the baby was born. We only have a few months left here though before we go back to a base and he starts to get deployed again. It will be harder now that we have children, but I have made some really great friends and together we all get through it and actually have a lot of fun along the way. I can say that it is a lot easier than what some of my civilian friends have to deal with on a daily basis here. Their husbands work horrible hours or actually have to leave for days every week. There is no end in sight for them. This is their permanent lifestyle because they have to take jobs where they can get them and always have the constant worry of getting laid off. I could not imagine living like that everyday. We have healthcare, housing, constant paycheck. I have the ability to stay home with my girls and know that I don't have to work unless I really wanted to. My girls have college basically paid for if they choose that route. Your husband can go to college, or go back to college. There are so many more benefits to joining as well I could not possibly list them all.

Another reason we love this lifestyle is that we love to travel and experience new things. We never would be able to really experience all of the different cultures and lifestyles of this country if it were not for the military. We have lived on the ocean, in the desert, in the midwest and now we are headed to the south. My children will get to experience all of this with us as well.

Deployments are hard, but they are only temporary. I KNOW that my daughters will have a hard time when their daddy leaves because they are daddy's little girls, but then again, it is just more life lessons for them. When my husband was in Iraq, I still got to talk to him occasionally and when he was by a base we were able to even see each other using the webcam. My grandmother told me we were spoiled because when my Grandfather was in WWII she did not talk to him for over 18months. She received a few letters, but never knew where he was or even remotely what was happening with him. So deployments and not being close to family all of the time are pretty much the only two sacrifices I feel we make being a military family. However, I do have to say that some of my military friends are as much family to me as my blood relatives. When things get hard though I just remind myself that we have it a lot easier than most civilian families, especially nowadays.

With all of that being said, no, this lifestyle is not for everybody. That is why there is a screening process and it is a voluntary decision. So people know what they are getting into and for them to see if it is really what they want for their families. I would also recommend checking with all branches of the military, if your husband does not have a strong preference. Some deploy more and for longer periods of time than others. One may suit your family better than the next.

Sorry if this is a little broken up. My DD keeps talking to me.
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Old 07-03-2010, 12:02 AM
 
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okay so i have no army knowledge. do all enlisted army people get deployed for long periods of time? dh is a computer guy and has said that if he were to joint he army he would still want to be an IT guy. anyhoo, are all active army people deployed at some point? i guess my big fear is that he would be gone for a year. that is one of the things that is really holding me back from being cool with him joining the army. i think we could handle shorter periods of time but a year is not something i would want. that would really keep me from being on board with him signing up.
Its hard to say. DH is in an MOS that does not deploy, but he himself was called up for individual augment (aka he was deployed, but not doing his MOS but rather some office work that needed done)

So I cannot say that no, it will not happen... the vast majority of IA is volunteer (DHs was not but he would have volunteered for it anyway) and theres no telling what job he would be put as if he were pulled up for one... but if he is not infantry he is a lot less likely to be put in the riskier situations.

I obviously cannot promise you it will not happen... but that job is a lot less likely than some others to be put into harms way.

For example... DHs brother (my BIL I mentioned before) is an MP... when he was sent over there, his job was a lot more dangerous than DHs. DHs biggest daily risk was a papercut (okay well, there were bigger risks but a lot less likely to happen than a papercut!) BIL was out in the Afghanistan area (away from their central base) almost the entire time and while he can not tell us exactly what he did still... I know it was obviously not very safe for him. But all that were deployed with him made it home without a single injury caused by the enemies (there was a broken wrist caused by stupidity though lol)

Two of my good friends husbands are linguists... if the need for them arose, they could be put into some VERY dangerous situations... but its not very likely.

My brothers MOS I do not remember SPECIFICALLY what it was called but it deals with computers and if he is sent over for his MOS he will mostly be on base the entire time.



Now what you probably dont want to hear... Ill go back to why my hubby is a combat veteran... this is his account of what happened that day (if you do not want to read it I do not blame you but its the most honest look at what he went through you can find... no one in his convoy was injured bad, some shrapnel injury but that guy got a purple heart and didn't miss a day of work!)

http://animedevildog.deviantart.com/journal/2192930/ his account of it starts at where he says Around 2130

His job was supply... most days he was on base. Plus, this was in 2004 and near Fallujah which nowadays is nowhere NEAR as bad as it was back then. I do not know how Afghanistan is now... The only reason he was even on this convoy was that they switched his job on him like the day before it happened.

As I said, we send soldiers and Marines over who are trained to handle situations like these in the way that keeps them safest. Yes, some do all they can and are still injured or worse... but the VAST majority of men and women who deploy overseas come home without injury. And still a huge amount come home without ever seeing combat.

My MP BIL never even saw combat in his time over in Afghanistan (the moment you do, you become a combat veteran... which is not a ribbon he has earned yet. As an older brother I think it makes him a bit sore his little brothers earned that and a presidential unit citation!)

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Old 07-03-2010, 12:25 AM
 
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I wont post too much because most things have been said. However, you need to really make sure you are 100% on board with this decision if you and DH go for it. If you are not, you could have resentment issues, and things could get ugly from there every time something happens you don't like or will possibly feel guilty about. (a move, deployment, extended work hours, weekend training in the field, etc etc)


With that said, I am very excited to be a military family (again) DH re-enlisted after being out for years. He leaves on Monday. I'm 36 weeks pregnant and we have an all most 2 year old. DH will be gone for 8-9 months. I know what this means for our family, and I know DH needs to do this for himself. With the economy the way it is, I definitely don't mind the job security that comes with it. Also, I have found the support offered for military families is huge!! The love and support I have received from complete strangers has touched my life in special places and made me feel confident that I can do this! (didn't have kids when he was in before!!)

Oh, and I just wanted to say kudo's to you for not just shooting the choice down and actually doing the research. I am sure no matter what decision you and your DH decide on, he will be thankful you made an effort to figure out what life would be like and if it is right for your family.

Kourtney, happily married to my soldier and raising ds 7/08 .... dd 7/10..... and ds 11/11

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Old 07-03-2010, 01:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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New thread for July-August!

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Old 07-03-2010, 02:29 AM
 
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i wanted to say a big huge THANK YOU to all the responses. You have helped tremendously! it has been extremely helpful hearing your thoughts! i told dh we had to wait until tuesday to talk about it again because i'm due to start af monday and the few days before i am sooo emotional so we should wait until i return to normal hormone levels.

Melanie
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Old 07-03-2010, 11:53 AM
 
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Mae ~ Aren't both your dh and your BIL Marines? If so, their experience may be quite different from the Army. I think the two branches do things differently. For example, most regular Marine deployments are about 6-7 months long and they deploy regularly even in times of peace whereas most soldiers don't deploy during times of peace and the regular deployment time during this war for soldiers has been 12-15 months. Army guys, please correct me if I'm wrong.

I don't think there's any MOS that's really, truly non-deployable. If they need you, they'll send you. There are some MOSes that are more deployable than others and more dangerous when deployed. They certainly do need computer guys over there but there's no guarantee that he'd get a computer MOS, anyway.

The main thing you have to keep in mind is that once you join the military you are their property. You have to do what they say no matter what (pretty much). The military machine does not care if you are having family issues or something big coming up. If they need you for something, they will take you and send you wherever they want. Personal and family hardships don't really matter. You can have orders in hand to go here and a week before you are supposed to move you are told you're going to the other side of the world. The ADM may have to work from 5 am to 9 pm every day so, even when s/he is home, s/he isn't really there. The ADM may be home as in not deployed but still have to go away for a month for training, then be home for a week, then go somewhere else for 2 weeks. Then home again for a few days or weeks then gone again for a few days or weeks.

And, btw, home doesn't mean at your house. It means in the continental United States. So, for example, if the ADM is supposed to have at least as much time home as deployed (say 6 months) and once s/he gets home, s/he has to go to another state for months for training, that counts as being home so you might only get 1-2 months with your spouse. That's been my recent experience. My dh was deployed for 6-7 months. He was home for almost exactly a month then had to go to another state for 6 months. When he gets back from that he checks in with a new unit and we have no idea what their schedule is. He may have to leave again right away or he may get 2 years at home. We just don't know. Nothing is ever guaranteed.

I'm not saying that to be harsh toward the military. I'm saying it to make sure it's understood. One thing that really annoys me is when I hear a military spouse complaining constantly about his/her spouse having to deploy after being told it wouldn't happen or having to leave sooner than expected or having the deployment extended or just being gone a lot. It sucks sometimes and sometimes you need someone to vent/rant to but that's not the same as whining and complaining. KWIM? That's the type of thing you should expect if you are going to join the military. If you can't handle that neither you nor your spouse will really have any choice in where you go and what you do, then you shouldn't join.

So, yeah, basically what Mommakitten said. You can't possibly predict everything that you will experience or feel but you have to make sure that you are committed to it because you can't change your mind once it's done.

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Old 07-03-2010, 12:59 PM
 
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Mae ~ Aren't both your dh and your BIL Marines? If so, their experience may be quite different from the Army. I think the two branches do things differently. For example, most regular Marine deployments are about 6-7 months long and they deploy regularly even in times of peace whereas most soldiers don't deploy during times of peace and the regular deployment time during this war for soldiers has been 12-15 months. Army guys, please correct me if I'm wrong.
I guess DH and BIL are not regular Marines then... DHs last deployment was meant to be 14 months but was knocked down to 10 as they finished their job ahead of schedule.

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Old 07-03-2010, 01:08 PM
 
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I guess DH and BIL are not regular Marines then... DHs last deployment was meant to be 14 months but was knocked down to 10 as they finished their job ahead of schedule.
Was that the IA? IAs are usually at least 12 months. My dh had to do an IA and it was about 12-14 months total. His first deployment was supposed to be 6 months but ended up being 10. Then he had a 6-7 month deployment. (I always add an extra few weeks onto the beginning and end to account for travel, which isn't always considered part of the deployment.) Then he had his IA. He was CONUS for about 15 months but not home for much of that time as he was doing workups for his next deployment. Then he deployed for another 7+ months. He's CONUS now but, again, not home since he's been in OK for 6 months.

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