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Military Moms: May - June

27K views 516 replies 50 participants last post by  MarineWife 
#1 ·
Welcome to March and welcome to the newcomers!

I'm Katie, wife to Andrew who is an officer in the Army. We're at Fort Bragg until next year. We're originally from upstate NY. This is our last full month of deployment!
 
#503 ·
I love our military lifestyle! That being said, as a current recruiters wife, I would first make sure that your husband even qualifies for the military before making any big decisions or getting your mind set on one way or another. Right now I would say about 1 in 3 people are actually disqualified and some months it is about 1 in 2. And sometimes it takes months or even longer to actually be able to even enlist.

We are currently on recruiting duty so my husband could be home for three years and we could start having children. I did not want to be preggo with him deployed or have him leave right after the baby was born. We only have a few months left here though before we go back to a base and he starts to get deployed again. It will be harder now that we have children, but I have made some really great friends and together we all get through it and actually have a lot of fun along the way. I can say that it is a lot easier than what some of my civilian friends have to deal with on a daily basis here. Their husbands work horrible hours or actually have to leave for days every week. There is no end in sight for them. This is their permanent lifestyle because they have to take jobs where they can get them and always have the constant worry of getting laid off. I could not imagine living like that everyday. We have healthcare, housing, constant paycheck. I have the ability to stay home with my girls and know that I don't have to work unless I really wanted to. My girls have college basically paid for if they choose that route. Your husband can go to college, or go back to college. There are so many more benefits to joining as well I could not possibly list them all.

Another reason we love this lifestyle is that we love to travel and experience new things. We never would be able to really experience all of the different cultures and lifestyles of this country if it were not for the military. We have lived on the ocean, in the desert, in the midwest and now we are headed to the south. My children will get to experience all of this with us as well.

Deployments are hard, but they are only temporary. I KNOW that my daughters will have a hard time when their daddy leaves because they are daddy's little girls, but then again, it is just more life lessons for them. When my husband was in Iraq, I still got to talk to him occasionally and when he was by a base we were able to even see each other using the webcam. My grandmother told me we were spoiled because when my Grandfather was in WWII she did not talk to him for over 18months. She received a few letters, but never knew where he was or even remotely what was happening with him. So deployments and not being close to family all of the time are pretty much the only two sacrifices I feel we make being a military family. However, I do have to say that some of my military friends are as much family to me as my blood relatives. When things get hard though I just remind myself that we have it a lot easier than most civilian families, especially nowadays.

With all of that being said, no, this lifestyle is not for everybody. That is why there is a screening process and it is a voluntary decision. So people know what they are getting into and for them to see if it is really what they want for their families. I would also recommend checking with all branches of the military, if your husband does not have a strong preference. Some deploy more and for longer periods of time than others. One may suit your family better than the next.

Sorry if this is a little broken up. My DD keeps talking to me.
 
#504 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by swell_mel View Post
okay so i have no army knowledge. do all enlisted army people get deployed for long periods of time? dh is a computer guy and has said that if he were to joint he army he would still want to be an IT guy. anyhoo, are all active army people deployed at some point? i guess my big fear is that he would be gone for a year. that is one of the things that is really holding me back from being cool with him joining the army. i think we could handle shorter periods of time but a year is not something i would want. that would really keep me from being on board with him signing up.
Its hard to say. DH is in an MOS that does not deploy, but he himself was called up for individual augment (aka he was deployed, but not doing his MOS but rather some office work that needed done)

So I cannot say that no, it will not happen... the vast majority of IA is volunteer (DHs was not but he would have volunteered for it anyway) and theres no telling what job he would be put as if he were pulled up for one... but if he is not infantry he is a lot less likely to be put in the riskier situations.

I obviously cannot promise you it will not happen... but that job is a lot less likely than some others to be put into harms way.

For example... DHs brother (my BIL I mentioned before) is an MP... when he was sent over there, his job was a lot more dangerous than DHs. DHs biggest daily risk was a papercut (okay well, there were bigger risks but a lot less likely to happen than a papercut!) BIL was out in the Afghanistan area (away from their central base) almost the entire time and while he can not tell us exactly what he did still... I know it was obviously not very safe for him. But all that were deployed with him made it home without a single injury caused by the enemies (there was a broken wrist caused by stupidity though lol)

Two of my good friends husbands are linguists... if the need for them arose, they could be put into some VERY dangerous situations... but its not very likely.

My brothers MOS I do not remember SPECIFICALLY what it was called but it deals with computers and if he is sent over for his MOS he will mostly be on base the entire time.

Now what you probably dont want to hear... Ill go back to why my hubby is a combat veteran... this is his account of what happened that day (if you do not want to read it I do not blame you but its the most honest look at what he went through you can find... no one in his convoy was injured bad, some shrapnel injury but that guy got a purple heart and didn't miss a day of work!)

http://animedevildog.deviantart.com/journal/2192930/ his account of it starts at where he says Around 2130

His job was supply... most days he was on base. Plus, this was in 2004 and near Fallujah which nowadays is nowhere NEAR as bad as it was back then. I do not know how Afghanistan is now... The only reason he was even on this convoy was that they switched his job on him like the day before it happened.

As I said, we send soldiers and Marines over who are trained to handle situations like these in the way that keeps them safest. Yes, some do all they can and are still injured or worse... but the VAST majority of men and women who deploy overseas come home without injury. And still a huge amount come home without ever seeing combat.

My MP BIL never even saw combat in his time over in Afghanistan (the moment you do, you become a combat veteran... which is not a ribbon he has earned yet. As an older brother I think it makes him a bit sore his little brothers earned that and a presidential unit citation!)
 
#505 ·
I wont post too much because most things have been said. However, you need to really make sure you are 100% on board with this decision if you and DH go for it. If you are not, you could have resentment issues, and things could get ugly from there every time something happens you don't like or will possibly feel guilty about. (a move, deployment, extended work hours, weekend training in the field, etc etc)

With that said, I am very excited to be a military family (again) DH re-enlisted after being out for years. He leaves on Monday. I'm 36 weeks pregnant and we have an all most 2 year old. DH will be gone for 8-9 months. I know what this means for our family, and I know DH needs to do this for himself. With the economy the way it is, I definitely don't mind the job security that comes with it. Also, I have found the support offered for military families is huge!! The love and support I have received from complete strangers has touched my life in special places and made me feel confident that I can do this! (didn't have kids when he was in before!!)

Oh, and I just wanted to say kudo's to you for not just shooting the choice down and actually doing the research. I am sure no matter what decision you and your DH decide on, he will be thankful you made an effort to figure out what life would be like and if it is right for your family.
 
#507 ·
i wanted to say a big huge THANK YOU to all the responses. You have helped tremendously! it has been extremely helpful hearing your thoughts! i told dh we had to wait until tuesday to talk about it again because i'm due to start af monday and the few days before i am sooo emotional so we should wait until i return to normal hormone levels.
 
#508 ·
Mae ~ Aren't both your dh and your BIL Marines? If so, their experience may be quite different from the Army. I think the two branches do things differently. For example, most regular Marine deployments are about 6-7 months long and they deploy regularly even in times of peace whereas most soldiers don't deploy during times of peace and the regular deployment time during this war for soldiers has been 12-15 months. Army guys, please correct me if I'm wrong.

I don't think there's any MOS that's really, truly non-deployable. If they need you, they'll send you. There are some MOSes that are more deployable than others and more dangerous when deployed. They certainly do need computer guys over there but there's no guarantee that he'd get a computer MOS, anyway.

The main thing you have to keep in mind is that once you join the military you are their property. You have to do what they say no matter what (pretty much). The military machine does not care if you are having family issues or something big coming up. If they need you for something, they will take you and send you wherever they want. Personal and family hardships don't really matter. You can have orders in hand to go here and a week before you are supposed to move you are told you're going to the other side of the world. The ADM may have to work from 5 am to 9 pm every day so, even when s/he is home, s/he isn't really there. The ADM may be home as in not deployed but still have to go away for a month for training, then be home for a week, then go somewhere else for 2 weeks. Then home again for a few days or weeks then gone again for a few days or weeks.

And, btw, home doesn't mean at your house. It means in the continental United States. So, for example, if the ADM is supposed to have at least as much time home as deployed (say 6 months) and once s/he gets home, s/he has to go to another state for months for training, that counts as being home so you might only get 1-2 months with your spouse. That's been my recent experience. My dh was deployed for 6-7 months. He was home for almost exactly a month then had to go to another state for 6 months. When he gets back from that he checks in with a new unit and we have no idea what their schedule is. He may have to leave again right away or he may get 2 years at home. We just don't know. Nothing is ever guaranteed.

I'm not saying that to be harsh toward the military. I'm saying it to make sure it's understood. One thing that really annoys me is when I hear a military spouse complaining constantly about his/her spouse having to deploy after being told it wouldn't happen or having to leave sooner than expected or having the deployment extended or just being gone a lot. It sucks sometimes and sometimes you need someone to vent/rant to but that's not the same as whining and complaining. KWIM? That's the type of thing you should expect if you are going to join the military. If you can't handle that neither you nor your spouse will really have any choice in where you go and what you do, then you shouldn't join.

So, yeah, basically what Mommakitten said. You can't possibly predict everything that you will experience or feel but you have to make sure that you are committed to it because you can't change your mind once it's done.
 
#509 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
Mae ~ Aren't both your dh and your BIL Marines? If so, their experience may be quite different from the Army. I think the two branches do things differently. For example, most regular Marine deployments are about 6-7 months long and they deploy regularly even in times of peace whereas most soldiers don't deploy during times of peace and the regular deployment time during this war for soldiers has been 12-15 months. Army guys, please correct me if I'm wrong.
I guess DH and BIL are not regular Marines then... DHs last deployment was meant to be 14 months but was knocked down to 10 as they finished their job ahead of schedule.
 
#510 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by MaerynPearl View Post
I guess DH and BIL are not regular Marines then... DHs last deployment was meant to be 14 months but was knocked down to 10 as they finished their job ahead of schedule.
Was that the IA? IAs are usually at least 12 months. My dh had to do an IA and it was about 12-14 months total. His first deployment was supposed to be 6 months but ended up being 10. Then he had a 6-7 month deployment. (I always add an extra few weeks onto the beginning and end to account for travel, which isn't always considered part of the deployment.) Then he had his IA. He was CONUS for about 15 months but not home for much of that time as he was doing workups for his next deployment. Then he deployed for another 7+ months. He's CONUS now but, again, not home since he's been in OK for 6 months.
 
#511 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
Was that the IA? IAs are usually at least 12 months. My dh had to do an IA and it was about 12-14 months total. His first deployment was supposed to be 6 months but ended up being 10. Then he had a 6-7 month deployment. (I always add an extra few weeks onto the beginning and end to account for travel, which isn't always considered part of the deployment.) Then he had his IA. He was CONUS for about 15 months but not home for much of that time as he was doing workups for his next deployment. Then he deployed for another 7+ months. He's CONUS now but, again, not home since he's been in OK for 6 months.
All hes done are IAs... (I have no clue why TBH... and I think Ive bugged him asking all of these questions last night lol)
 
#512 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by MaerynPearl View Post
All hes done are IAs... (I have no clue why TBH... and I think Ive bugged him asking all of these questions last night lol)
That's why his deployments have been longer, then. That's normal for an IA. The regular Marine deployments, whether on a MEU or to Okinawa or to a combat zone, are supposed to be only 6 months. We all know they can be extended, though.

I think the difference between Army and Marine right now is that soldiers deploy for longer but less frequently while Marines deployments are shorter but more frequent. I believe it's supposed to be equal time deployed and home so soldiers who are deployed 12-15 months regularly are supposed to be home for at least 12-15 months before being deployed again. Since Marines are supposed to be deployed for only 6 months, they only get 6 months home before being deployable again. That, of course, isn't a hard and fast rule, either. If you're needed, you get sent.
 
#513 ·
According to DH "how it works for Marines is 2 months dwell time in the states for every 1 month deployed"... of course they can call you back sooner, but that is their ideal. We are really hoping they let DH stick around longer than that though!
 
#514 ·
I'll have to ask my dh about that because the last he told me was equal time.

I thought about something with the nondeployable MOSes and units. Maybe it's something like the MOS and/or unit is nondeployable but the individuals in those MOSes and units are deployable, as in they can get picked for IAs like your dh was. Either way, I think deployment at some point should be expected during war time. KWIM?
 
#515 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
I'll have to ask my dh about that because the last he told me was equal time.

I thought about something with the nondeployable MOSes and units. Maybe it's something like the MOS and/or unit is nondeployable but the individuals in those MOSes and units are deployable, as in they can get picked for IAs like your dh was. Either way, I think deployment at some point should be expected during war time. KWIM?
totally agree there... and yes, DHs unit he is with right now is nondeployable (they have no use for them in the desert as he works with amphibious assault vehicles) however he, very much, is deployable.
 
#517 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarah W View Post
: You can be in a non-deployable unit and still deploy. That is what happened to me. I came down on IA orders and deployed by myself.
Is that Army? I'm wondering because she asked specifically about the Army and I only have experience with the Marines.
 
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