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Military Moms: July-August

21K views 554 replies 38 participants last post by  ~Katie~ 
#1 ·
So I finally realized it was July, welcome to a new thread!

Quick intro - I'm Katie, currently located at Fort Bragg where we've lived for about 2 years. My DH is an Army officer and got back from deployment in April. Next year we're moving back to NY where he'll join his National Guard unit to finish out his last three years, then we'll go from there.

Hello again to all the newcomers!
 
#403 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaxinator View Post
Interesting. Someone should inform the Air Force.
Part two of the NPR article addresses the difficulties military members can have in getting treatment for TBI.
 
#404 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by MovingMomma View Post
Part two of the NPR article addresses the difficulties military members can have in getting treatment for TBI.
Yes, it is VERY hard because they do not keep records of what they consider to be "minor" incidents. But it is covered.
 
#405 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
Did you read the NPR article? It talks a lot about that... the slowness, the inability of formerly very bright, quick thinkers to problem solve. If you didn't, consider it.
Yes, I did read the article. Thank you for posting that. I think I must've read or heard about that before because that's exactly what I was talking about with my dh. I did read how it's treatable, too.
 
#407 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by MovingMomma View Post


DH is HOME!!!


Here's a pic!

I did wear the dress! Thanks for all the feedback!

YAY AND AWWWW and that dress looks fab on you

AND

I just looooooooove seeing homecoming pics!

 
#410 ·
You look wondeful, and so happy! Have a terrific homecoming, and thanks to you and your DH for your sacrifices
.
 
#412 ·
MovingMomma I bet he was so proud having such a fab looking mama waiting there just for him!

That dress is definitely not too sexy or fancy... just the right amount for seeing your man after so long apart.

That said, Imma go throw on some clean clothes, do my makeup and toss my hair up. Hubbys on the other side of the base now! All he has to do is drop off the rental car and head home! I am SO EXCITED I COULD PEE MYSELF. well no, that's just being so pregnant... lol...
 
#413 ·
Mae, what a time you've had! Hoping you have some peace before the LO arrives.


Soul-o, you too. Lots of
coming your way.

MM, horay for reunions! Yay!

MK, I know I'm late but congrats on your little girl. She is perfect.

Does anyone else's spouse invoke the "security clearance excuse" when you mention medical treatment or counseling? Years ago when Huz came back from his last middle east deployment he was having a lot of flashbacks and trouble sleeping, and I suggested he see someone about it. He refused because he said they would yank his security clearnace. After DD was born, I suggested we get marriage counseling, and again he told me that he would do it, but that he wouldn't be allowed to carry a gun (meaning not able to do his job) and could have his security clearance yanked. Is any of this true? I mean, I don't think he's lying about it, necessarily, I think he just doesn't know what he's talking about. Anyone have any experience with this?
 
#414 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by justKate View Post
Does anyone else's spouse invoke the "security clearance excuse" when you mention medical treatment or counseling? Years ago when Huz came back from his last middle east deployment he was having a lot of flashbacks and trouble sleeping, and I suggested he see someone about it. He refused because he said they would yank his security clearnace. After DD was born, I suggested we get marriage counseling, and again he told me that he would do it, but that he wouldn't be allowed to carry a gun (meaning not able to do his job) and could have his security clearance yanked. Is any of this true? I mean, I don't think he's lying about it, necessarily, I think he just doesn't know what he's talking about. Anyone have any experience with this?
I have NEVER heard of this (which isn't to say its untrue) so I'm going to have to ask DH when he gets home.

It may be job specific, perhaps? But I know that he has had a few of his men do marriage counseling and they were still allowed to use a gun...
 
#416 ·
Since DH changed his MOS, he has to go through AIT again ... at Ft. Gordon. I have the option to move down there (or should because his AIT is 7 months long) I am so torn as to whether or not moving there would be a good idea or not. Thoughts?
 
#418 ·
Oh, Momma Kitten, that is hard. Where are you now? Is your son in pre-school? Are you with family now or alone?
 
#419 ·
Hey everyone

Shannon ~ The dress looked beautiful and that's such a heart warming picture.

JusteKate ~ I don't know about the security clearance and medical treatment for PTSD. I can see how that might happen, at least temporarily. I don't see the connection between that and marriage counseling. But, like Mae, I don't know. I do know that I go to counseling regularly and my dh comes when he can and it's never been an issue. No one at his work even knows unless he tells them. He does not have to report it to anyone. It's not through the Chaplain, though. The Marine Corps even has special marriage counseling type retreats that everyone raves about. It's considered good to go on one of those.

Mae ~ Glad baby stayed put until your dh made it home.

Kourtney ~ Since we just went through a similar situation I can tell you my experience. My dh was sent to OK for 7 months for a Captain's Course. It was considered a PCS move so we were expected to move. We didn't because his plan was to come right back where we are for another 3 years. We bought our home and we have LOs so it seemed ridiculous to move them for 7 months just to move right back again and we had no idea what we would do with the house in this market. So, we stayed and he went. It was very difficult financially because we had to pay for all of his living expenses there. He did not get any per diem or anything like he would if it were a TAD or whatever you call it. If we weren't planning to stay here, we all would have gone, probably (although I'm not a big fan of Lawton, OK).

By the way, since he just did a DiTY move I can tell you all what he has to turn in. He said he needs all his gas receipts and the weight of his vehicle with and without all his stuff in it. That's all for the Marine Corps but he said the other branches might require more.

I asked him about being close to any explosions that could have injured him and he said he never was. He saw and heard explosions. Was close enough that dirty rained down on him. But not close enough for it to cause a brain injury. And now he's upset with me for suggesting that he has a brain injury.
 
#420 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
Is your son in pre-school?
I forgot about that part. My kids are homeschooled so that doesn't affect our decision as far as when/where/how often to move. If they were in school, I probably would not move them for that short period of time even if we were headed somewhere else afterward.
 
#421 ·
justKate - DH says the security clearance thing may be true, he does not know and has never heard of that... but he doesn't have to deal with much security clearance for his particular job.

However, he knows for a fact that marriage counseling has no effect on ability to carry/use a gun. He says that if you guys are having trouble and he does NOT get counseling THAT could effect it though (if something bad were to happen and he were to become a threat to you, not likely scenario I am sure... but that was his only example of counseling/guns being related) As I said, he has several of his men doing counseling and one with some pretty severe problems is on the range this week... so yeah...

Also -

Yes I am stupid for doing so, but we went shopping tonight. In my defense, I forgot it was payday, we went out because we were out of food since DH was gone for so long and I cant go out without him.

After doing all of our school and food shopping, I had to sit up front on the benches (because seriously? SPD and shopping dont mix and all the wheelchairs were taken!)

Another pregnant lady was sitting on the benches too (only 20 weeks) and we had quite a fun conversation about how in a town like Jacksonville, you can always tell when a woman's hubby came home by asking her how pregnant she is.
 
#422 ·
I need to vent.... then, I will respond to the moving to AIT questions tomorrow when my head is a little clearer.

So ds has been having major issues behavior wise. I simply don't know how to help him. I know having DH gone, and then a new baby in a matter of two weeks HAS to be hard. Plus, he turned two in that time, so that brings on it's own set of challenges I am sure.

Then, add in newborn dd. She has colic. Every day has been a little worse then the day before.

Now, I'm also in college full time online, and I am stressed to a max with an outside circumstance that should be over with completely next week. (Hoping!!)

Today I finally snapped. ds threw a car at my head, and I barely ducked in time. I yelled, then I put my hand on his stomach (I was sitting on the floor in front of him nursing dd... he was standing) and kinda shoved him backwards a step. He didn't fall or anything, and he definitely wasn't physically hurt, but his face showed me how hurt he was emotionally
we never yell, and we definitely never get physical in our house. I felt horrible... and it scared me as well.

I immediately apologized, and I talked to him and told him that maybe a change of scenery would help us all. He asked for a car ride to see trains. So I agreed, and we all loaded up and the rest of the night went much better. However, my guilt over it is insane. I will never let myself get to that point again, I will try to change scenery before it ever gets close to that...especially because it obviously worked.

Now, because of the guilt, I told my mom about what happened on the phone. She freaks out on me and tells me she is coming over to take the newborn for a few hours. Now, I am EBF... and she is severe colic... how is this going to help me? I told my mom I was not comfortable with that, especially with how young dd is. She told me "well, she is obviously just going to cry either way so why does it matter if she is with you where you can offer her a boob or not?" I just started crying and told her no thanks. She told me "well when you kill your kids tonight because you cant handle yourself, and the police call me to tell me you are in jail, just remember I offered and it could have been prevented!"

Really!?!? This is my "support" here? I'm so frustrated and hurt. And of course, I am slapped in the face with missing DH that much more. I would give anything to have his reassuring words tonight, his hugs, and his help... help that I trust and can count on for positive influence. Of course, if he calls... I also know I cant tell him about tonight... he will be so worried
He has enough on his plate right now I am sure, he doesn't need to be worried about us here at home too.

I am constantly awake with one of the kids, I am exhausted. I am stressed. I am lonely. I'm not depressed, because seriously, most days go better than today. However, it's just all the stuff that's been going on. It's just been all this week and more next week. I know all the stuff that is stressing me out will get better, and it's not permanent ... so that keeps me going. I just feel horrible about my actions though.
 
#423 ·
AW Kourtney ~ Give yourself a break. You have a lot on your plate. I'm sorry that your mother treated you that way. It didn't occur to her that the more helpful thing would be to take care of your 2yo for a little while?
 
#424 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by MovingMomma View Post


DH is HOME!!!


Here's a pic!

I did wear the dress! Thanks for all the feedback!

you look awesome, so glad he is home with you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by justKate View Post
Does anyone else's spouse invoke the "security clearance excuse" when you mention medical treatment or counseling?
just read this to my DH who happens to work in the clinic that does most of the evals for TBI and a lot of PTSD and he calls bull on this as well. he said that just an eval would not do anything, not these days, maybe 5-10 years ago.
Only if your behavior was untrustworthy or to erratic would things maybe be pulled for a period of time.
As for the marital counseling, that is even more wrong, they usually look favorably on voluntary counseling. and there is great options in the army at least you have options like "Military & Family Life Consultant Program" its a program that offers all kinds of counseling that is kept confidential and off your record. Now if you folks had a "domestic incident" and ever had to call in law enforcement that would be a different thing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MommaKitten21 View Post
Since DH changed his MOS, he has to go through AIT again ... at Ft. Gordon. I have the option to move down there (or should because his AIT is 7 months long) I am so torn as to whether or not moving there would be a good idea or not. Thoughts?
i stayed at home when DH just months after our wedding left to school for nearly 9 months. i visited him a few times and it sucked but was not the worse thing since at least he was in the us and we could talk and webcamera whenever we wanted. what then REALLY sucked was that he then got put in unit when he graduated that was deploying 4 months later! had i known i would have gone with him and had the adventure of the two different cities he when to. we had wanted to start a family and felt ok putting it off for those 9 months of school, when that turned into deployment and then one this after another it ended up taking us nearly 4 years to get to this wonderful pregnancy.
i know your situation is not exactly the same as mine, but my moral of the story is the military can throw us a lot of curves and choices, i now understand not letting all that halt my plans, i now always work to find a way for my plans to fit in and around what plans the army throws at us!

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
The Marine Corps even has special marriage counseling type retreats that everyone raves about. It's considered good to go on one of those.
Army has these too and they are very highly touted by the command, folks seem to really like them

Quote:
I asked him about being close to any explosions that could have injured him and he said he never was. He saw and heard explosions. Was close enough that dirty rained down on him. But not close enough for it to cause a brain injury. And now he's upset with me for suggesting that he has a brain injury.
sorry that he is upset, but he needs to understand it is a concern for his health, not a judgment. and in general if he was that close for the dirt to fall on him, he should let an expert decide if it was close enough for any other effect.
 
#425 ·
Kourtney, missed your post while i was replying to the others,
hug lady, we are here for you. it sounds so hard and your mother was out of line, you went to her for comfort and was already beating yourself up, that was so mean and wrong for her to say to you.

i think you did a great job getting on to something else that you could share (the car ride and trains) with your LO. yeah we all wish we would do that 10 minutes earlier at times, but we do the best we can. you did not hurt anyone, and you can see the issue, with that you are already way ahead of the curve.

maybe look for some options for your 2 yr old to go on some play dates or day care or something to give you a small break?
 
#426 ·
I've been meaning to mention to my dh that I want to go on one of those marriage retreats. The kids are old enough now that we could leave them for a weekend with my mother. Everything is paid for. We just have to get ourselves there. I think it would be really fun. I'm going to start looking into dates on Monday.
 
#427 ·
Me again. I have to tell you all about this because I think it's funny. Dh's change of command is coming up next week so I told him he needs to look at the boys clothes to make sure they have something suitable that fits. Then I asked what I should wear because I don't really have much and might have to find something quick. Dh says I should wear clothes. Uh, duh! So I can go in sweats and a baggy t-shirt? So dh finally says he will look at my clothes and pick and outfit for me. Now you all know how socially inept I am. I have to have my dh pick out my clothes for me.
 
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