Military Moms: Sept/Oct 2010 - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#121 of 263 Old 09-19-2010, 12:40 AM
 
MommaKitten21's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Ft. Campbell, KY
Posts: 409
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Made it back home to Ohio safely .... of course, left my heart back with the hubby... but the trip went well.


An awesome thing that happened though was since DH left, I haven't been able to find my wedding ring! I have avoided telling DH out of fear he will be upset and sad. Well, when we were in the car, he was holding my hand and asked where my ring was. So I told her I haven't been able to find it and I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want him to be upset. He then reached into his wallet and he had it!!! He told me he was heartbroken because I hadn't said anything, so he took it as I didn't notice it was gone/missing!! He said he found it under the driver seat of our van. I'm so relieved to have it back!!

Katie- I hope things work out!!! I am thinking of your family! Sounds like active duty will be the best thing!

Mae- perhaps it's time for some pt for you!??! Maybe that will help! ha

Speaking of pt... whoever's hubby (sorry, I had too much to read to catch up on I forgot!) I'm thinking of you guys too!! DH is one big guy, and constantly being taped... I know the cloud that comes with that. However, finally are in the clear in regards to that. He never had remedial pt.... just constantly borderline to not making tape! It was a frustrating time for both of us.

MW- that's kinda crummy about the 45 days turnover thing. I would hate having to start over every time. However, maybe it would be a good thing to try, and see what the first 45 days brought... especially since it's completely off the radar.

Kourtney, happily married to my soldier and raising ds 7/08 .... dd 7/10..... and ds 11/11

MommaKitten21 is offline  
#122 of 263 Old 09-19-2010, 08:00 AM
 
MaerynPearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hubert NC
Posts: 14,540
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommaKitten21 View Post
An awesome thing that happened though was since DH left, I haven't been able to find my wedding ring! I have avoided telling DH out of fear he will be upset and sad. Well, when we were in the car, he was holding my hand and asked where my ring was. So I told her I haven't been able to find it and I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want him to be upset. He then reached into his wallet and he had it!!! He told me he was heartbroken because I hadn't said anything, so he took it as I didn't notice it was gone/missing!! He said he found it under the driver seat of our van. I'm so relieved to have it back!!

Mae- perhaps it's time for some pt for you!??! Maybe that will help! ha
First... awwwwwww and argh lol (but not a mean argh just a frustrated one) because that is so sweeeeeet but I can totally see my DH doing the same thing to me and me just sitting here bawling because I lost that gorgeous ring he picked out... I would actually do the same if I lost his dog tags that I wear 24/7 or the bracelet he made me while in Iraq that I wear 24/7 as well... along with my ring that is my everyday jewelry and it never comes off.

As for PT... I have been doing EVERYTHING within my physical capabilities to get this child out of me. As much as sex is enjoyable, its doing nothing. As much as walking at least keeps my mind off of it (until a total stranger asks how close I am to my due date and I tell them it was five days ago...) its also doing nothing.

Broke down last night because (and I know its stupid to be jealous over this) DHs cousin out in Cali had her son. She has had a great pregnancy without any problems and isn't even due until the 26th (they were planning on inducing her then). And here I sit, still with my SPD and prodromal labor... with swollen feet and rising blood pressure and the fear that its going to turn into something more than just slightly elevated blood pressure (that is most likely caused by my anxiety as it is) and not only will I not get my homebirth (Id be sad but not heartbroken) but I will end up induced, have problems and end up with a c-section. Which I am terrified of. Surgery and I do not get along.

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
MaerynPearl is offline  
#123 of 263 Old 09-19-2010, 11:56 AM
 
MarineWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: on the edge
Posts: 11,521
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ah, using a tape measure to determine fitness. Don't even get me started! That is one the most inaccurate ways to determine a person's overall health and fitness. My dh and I got into an argument over that. While he agrees that the way the military determines fitness is grossly inaccurate, he won't even think about doing anything to change it. He told me I could do the research and write a paper on it to submit to the DoD. Yeah, right. By the time I had the time to get that finished, they will have probably made the changes.

, Mae. Does your MW have any ideas for lowering your bp and getting that baby moving? If you're not at 41w yet, you're technically not even at your real due date. I know that probably doesn't help, especially with the high bp and pain that you are in, but maybe it could relieve some stress if you are worrying that your baby is now overdue.

FWIW, I was induced at 41w with my 2nd after having a VBAC with my 1st. I did not need a 2nd c-section. He was born vaginally. If you would be going to the NHCL, you are more likely to get less intervention if you (or your dh or MW or doula) stands up for it than if you go to the civilian hospital.

I'm sorry. I'm probably not helping. I wish there were something I could do for you.

MK ~ Glad your drive back went well and you enjoyed seeing your dh and got your wedding ring back. I have to admit I would be angry if my dh did that to me but then I also would have told my dh immediately if I had lost mine. My dh puts his ring on his watchband when he's at work and a lot of times forgets to put it back on his finger when he's home. I don't usually give him a hard time about it because I'm sure it's a pita to remember to constantly switch it back and forth. However, when he was on leave for a month and halfway through still hadn't put his ring back on, I said something. Most people don't look on a watchband for a wedding ring so most people would look at him and assume he wasn't married. I'm not a jealous person but I do think my dh should wear his ring at all times to show that he is proud to be married. KWIM?

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

MarineWife is offline  
#124 of 263 Old 09-19-2010, 12:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
~Katie~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 6,652
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks everyone. I think this is the only option right now, as well. There isn't a way to get completely out, and he wants more experience before going to look for a civilian job. I can understand that, as much as I hate deployments and having my kid's equilibrium thrown off and everything else. Worst case scenario is that the NG won't let him go active duty and he'll have to find a civilian job anyway.

PT - Mine is working at PT as well. He goes through periods of doing really well at his run and not so well. He almost always fails tapings because he's huge (in a muscular sense) and has a really thick neck. Losing weight for him means losing muscle, although he could probably lose a bit around his mid-section.

ribbonyellow.gif Army wife ribbonyellow.gif - Mama to Liam waterbirth.jpg (9/07), Laine uc.jpg (5/09), and Eliza h20homebirth.gif (7/11)

~Katie~ is offline  
#125 of 263 Old 09-19-2010, 12:46 PM
 
MarineWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: on the edge
Posts: 11,521
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Katie ~ Will your dh have to extend his commission if he goes AD? My dh had to do that a few times in order to deploy with a particular unit. His commission would have been up in the middle of the deployment so he'd have to sign for another 4 months or whatever so that he could go. He was going to stay in anyway so it wasn't a problem.

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

MarineWife is offline  
#126 of 263 Old 09-19-2010, 12:55 PM
 
MaerynPearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hubert NC
Posts: 14,540
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not worried about her being overdue (wont worry about that until 42 weeks) just worried about having to spend another week and half in this much pain with no relief. Worried that my body may have forgotten how to birth a baby since I have been having contractions for 10 weeks, painful regular contractions for 3 weeks... and my cervix is still high and closed.

We are keeping my blood pressure down by watching what I eat (lots more protein!), staying hydrated and drinking dandelion and nettle teas. Im not doing the best on hydration the past couple days but making up for it now.

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
MaerynPearl is offline  
#127 of 263 Old 09-19-2010, 01:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
~Katie~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 6,652
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
Katie ~ Will your dh have to extend his commission if he goes AD? My dh had to do that a few times in order to deploy with a particular unit. His commission would have been up in the middle of the deployment so he'd have to sign for another 4 months or whatever so that he could go. He was going to stay in anyway so it wasn't a problem.
I asked that question when he first told me about it and he said he isn't sure how it would work. He's supposed to be done with the NG in summer 2014, I'm not sure if/how that would transfer over to AD. If he stays with this unit, they'll return from deployment in summer 2012, so that wouldn't influence his current commission. I think there's a lot in his favor to go active duty so we'll see what happens, he has to look at all of his options.

ribbonyellow.gif Army wife ribbonyellow.gif - Mama to Liam waterbirth.jpg (9/07), Laine uc.jpg (5/09), and Eliza h20homebirth.gif (7/11)

~Katie~ is offline  
#128 of 263 Old 09-19-2010, 01:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
~Katie~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 6,652
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry, MP Is there any chance you can go to a chiropractor? Prolonged prodromal labor is often a sign of malpositioning, even if your midwife is experienced with palpation something could be off with how her head is positioned. I started having prodromal with my DD at 35 weeks, her head was ascynclical and I had constant pain and pressure on my right hip. Both of my children have been poorly positioned and preferred to be slightly posterior and turned to my left side. I did receive chiropractic care with my DD, sometimes I wonder if it had to do with my anatomy as well.

I'm hoping you have relief soon and she arrives quickly!

ribbonyellow.gif Army wife ribbonyellow.gif - Mama to Liam waterbirth.jpg (9/07), Laine uc.jpg (5/09), and Eliza h20homebirth.gif (7/11)

~Katie~ is offline  
#129 of 263 Old 09-19-2010, 08:56 PM
 
MarineWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: on the edge
Posts: 11,521
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That's sort of what I thought, Mae. Sorry if my comments were just annoying rather than helpful.

Oh, chiropractic is a good idea, Katie. It also made me think about acupuncture. There is an acupuncturist in Jacksonville who says she's experienced with turning babies and had offered to come to my labor to help with pain reduction. Maybe she could help. Although I've been to a couple of chiros in town, there aren't any I can recommend.

Katie ~ If your dh's commission with the NG isn't up until 2014, he probably wouldn't have to extend it to go AD. at least not much. I think that once my dh's first 4 years of AD were up, all of his extensions have only been 2-3 years. The nice thing about that, too, is that he can resign his commission at any time. The only thing that would be effected would be how much time he would have to serve in the Reserves but he's done enough AD that that doesn't apply to him anymore.

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

MarineWife is offline  
#130 of 263 Old 09-19-2010, 09:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
~Katie~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 6,652
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
Katie ~ If your dh's commission with the NG isn't up until 2014, he probably wouldn't have to extend it to go AD. at least not much. I think that once my dh's first 4 years of AD were up, all of his extensions have only been 2-3 years. The nice thing about that, too, is that he can resign his commission at any time. The only thing that would be effected would be how much time he would have to serve in the Reserves but he's done enough AD that that doesn't apply to him anymore.
I know that a lot of people start out as active duty and then switch to the reserves to finish out however many years they have left. My DH started out in the NG (not by choice, they forced him prior to commissioning and then realized they took too many officers) and has always been in the NG, they just cut him a deal in the beginning to go active duty for 3 years and then come back to his unit to finish out the final 3 years. His situation is really unique, so I'm not entirely sure how it would work. To put it another way, he'd pretty much be a free agent when he's released from the NG and would be signing an entirely new contract.

ribbonyellow.gif Army wife ribbonyellow.gif - Mama to Liam waterbirth.jpg (9/07), Laine uc.jpg (5/09), and Eliza h20homebirth.gif (7/11)

~Katie~ is offline  
#131 of 263 Old 09-19-2010, 09:37 PM
 
MarineWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: on the edge
Posts: 11,521
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yeah, that is confusing but I think I've got it now. (I know you've explained it to me a gazillion times. )

I just asked my dh and he says he doesn't know. The Army and Marines do things differently. He did say he thinks that where every year serving AD counts as a full year toward your commitment and retirement, it's something like every 3 years in the Reserves or NG counts as 1 year equivalent AD. Based on that I would think that your dh's 3 years of AD would count for more than 3 years in the NG so maybe he wouldn't have to serve as long.

I was wrong about my dh's commitment. He did not have to extend his commission in order to go on a deployment with a particular unit. He just extended his tour with that unit. Once he was done with his first 4 years as AD he could have resigned his commission and then gone on Inactive Ready Reserve (IRR) for 4 years. With that he would not have the monthly commitment to the Reserves but could get called back to AD at any time. After 8 years of AD he is free and clear of IRR.

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

MarineWife is offline  
#132 of 263 Old 09-19-2010, 09:45 PM
 
Maluhia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: in Paradise with my Papaya!
Posts: 5,157
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I need to vent.....I live in my HOMETOWN while DH is an XO on a sea tour (Navy speak) so everyone always tells me how great it must be to have my family nearby. That is totally what I thought, only my Mother has been SO minimally helpful.

Example: My DH is away on deployment, my packers come THIS Wed-Friday for an overseas packout (we are going from Hawaii to Australia) and my daughter comes down with pneumonia. Yes, she can't go to school ALL this week because she is on 10 days of antibiotics which will make her non-communicable by Tuesday but her immune system is so shot that she can't be around a large group of children. The packout will be two-point pickup at our house AND at a storage unit and my Mom is complaining that watching her at her home (with yard, tv, anything) is SO exhausting that she can only say she'll be there for one day rather than two and I might have to take her back.

My daughter is FIVE she can get her own food, watch TV if that is all you can do and I'm stuck preping for a packout WITH a sick kid at home for a week prior (stir crazy) and it is SO exhausting to watch her for me for TWO days so I can superviser packers without a kid underfoot? Oh yeah, so glad to live near family.

My Mom friends WOULD help but I don't want her exposed to other children per Dr.s orders and I could just about roll my eyes right out of my head the next time I see my Mom brag about how much she "helps" me. I know I should be grateful for the one day but right now I'm pouting and I don't want to.

harumph.

Your User Agreement here at MDC, read it and make it your friend and read the FAQ to answer all the questions of the (MDC) world.
Maluhia is offline  
#133 of 263 Old 09-19-2010, 09:52 PM
 
MaerynPearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hubert NC
Posts: 14,540
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
That's sort of what I thought, Mae. Sorry if my comments were just annoying rather than helpful.
Its okay your comments are heartfelt and at least show that you are trying to be helpful.

Now my family... that's a whole different ballpark. I love how they are telling me just to have her already. Yeah... if it were that easy she would have been born labor day weekend.

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
MaerynPearl is offline  
#134 of 263 Old 09-19-2010, 11:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
~Katie~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 6,652
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
He has nearly 4 years of active duty and 5 years of total time in service, in March or April I think it'll be 6, so yes your DH would be correct. He was in the reserves in college which counts toward total time but not retirement. The "clock" didn't start ticking on his AD time until August 08 but he was considered AD prior to that (I can't remember the exact month that started). His total time is reflected in his pay, though. As far as his active duty time keeping him from having to serve the three years, it is not reflected in the remainder of time he has to serve with NG. He still have to finish out the last three years with them no matter what, since that was part of the contract he signed, unless of course they approve his paperwork to be released entirely and be a "free agent" so to speak.

Like your DH's situation, there are people who choose to resign their AD commission and go into the reserves when that option becomes available after they've completed a certain number of years. My BIL, for example, has talked in the past about doing exactly that because he wants to pursue teaching.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
Yeah, that is confusing but I think I've got it now. (I know you've explained it to me a gazillion times. )

I just asked my dh and he says he doesn't know. The Army and Marines do things differently. He did say he thinks that where every year serving AD counts as a full year toward your commitment and retirement, it's something like every 3 years in the Reserves or NG counts as 1 year equivalent AD. Based on that I would think that your dh's 3 years of AD would count for more than 3 years in the NG so maybe he wouldn't have to serve as long.

I was wrong about my dh's commitment. He did not have to extend his commission in order to go on a deployment with a particular unit. He just extended his tour with that unit. Once he was done with his first 4 years as AD he could have resigned his commission and then gone on Inactive Ready Reserve (IRR) for 4 years. With that he would not have the monthly commitment to the Reserves but could get called back to AD at any time. After 8 years of AD he is free and clear of IRR.

ribbonyellow.gif Army wife ribbonyellow.gif - Mama to Liam waterbirth.jpg (9/07), Laine uc.jpg (5/09), and Eliza h20homebirth.gif (7/11)

~Katie~ is offline  
#135 of 263 Old 09-19-2010, 11:40 PM
 
~adorkable~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: State Of Bliss
Posts: 4,418
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Maine Mama Doula,

i wanted to back up and do what i think was missed a bit when you said hi...
Hi! and welcome to the MDC military thread.

seem like folks have gotten a bit zealous in wanting to make sure you understood what you were thinking about and got pretty harsh into horror stories.

there is always a lot of ups and down to military life, though i have to say i have never quite seen the ladies here jump tot the bad stuff so vigorously!
it does depend on a lot of factors and you sound like a smart lady, so i'm sure you will know to read between the lines as you talk to folks in and out of the recruiting system about your options.

My DH is army and has gotten to work with a lot of Navy dorctors that were assigned to his mental health (combat stress) unit while deployed. they had shorter deployments than the army folks but yes were more frequent at times.

The Army has just finally gotten to 19 months dwell (home) time for most all folks between deployments, but in exchange we still have some of the longest tours of all at usually just under or around 12 months.
one good thing about navy tours is it seems to me and i could be wrong is a lot more likely that a tour does not directly mean being "down range" in the line of fire, not that there is not danger issues, but many tours are patrol in not wartime areas as well.


anyway i just wanted to welcome you and support you in whatever way you need as you look at all sides of this life changing choice.

partners.gif 2twins.gif  So what if I don't fit cleanly into a defined parenting style, my kids don't fit into a personality archetype either!

 
~adorkable~ is offline  
#136 of 263 Old 09-20-2010, 12:16 AM
 
Maine Mama Doula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Maine
Posts: 573
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks Adorkable

I'm back to lurking status here in this thread I just enjoy reading to get a feel of what all of your lives are like, with families. DH was in the Navy, so I have an idea what Navy life is like minus the family. And I appreciate all input, even horror stories.

Nina Wife to DH
Mama to DD1-4y DS-3y DD2-21m
Maine Mama Doula is offline  
#137 of 263 Old 09-20-2010, 02:20 AM
 
MommaKitten21's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Ft. Campbell, KY
Posts: 409
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maine Mama Doula View Post
Thanks Adorkable

I'm back to lurking status here in this thread I just enjoy reading to get a feel of what all of your lives are like, with families. DH was in the Navy, so I have an idea what Navy life is like minus the family. And I appreciate all input, even horror stories.
my DH was in the Army pre-kids... and he just re-enlisted and we have 2 children now (and married obviously) and let me tell you, for us it's been a thousand times harder then pre-kids. Do not take the experience from before and let it trickle into what it could be like this time. With kids, it changes the whole dynamic.

@Maluhia- I just wanted to give you a !!!! what a crappy situation. I completely understand though. I am back "home" as well while DH is gone, and I can not wait to get the heck out of here. It's a constant reminder to why we don't live near my family in the first place. I get the comments from others too, and I just sort of half smile and say "yeah, the help is nice" but inside... I'm like, WHAT HELP!!?!? My mom promised to take vacation time after the birth... that never happened. In fact, she has seen her new grand baby the least of any of my family. I have vented about my mother on here before... I cant wait to move! ha.

I just want you to know you are not alone. I have started reading a book called "Mothering Without a Map" and it's been so helpful in teaching me to better understand my relationship with my mom... and the effect that has on the relationship with my kids. Besides reading that book, the only thing that helps me is to accept I cant count on her help, and look for it elsewhere (which for me, I haven't had much luck with... but maybe you will!) How long is your hubby gone for?

Kourtney, happily married to my soldier and raising ds 7/08 .... dd 7/10..... and ds 11/11

MommaKitten21 is offline  
#138 of 263 Old 09-20-2010, 05:14 AM
 
Maluhia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: in Paradise with my Papaya!
Posts: 5,157
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by •Adorkable• View Post
Maine Mama Doula

The Army has just finally gotten to 19 months dwell (home) time for most all folks between deployments, but in exchange we still have some of the longest tours of all at usually just under or around 12 months.
one good thing about navy tours is it seems to me and i could be wrong is a lot more likely that a tour does not directly mean being "down range" in the line of fire, not that there is not danger issues, but many tours are patrol in not wartime areas as well.
My BIL is in the Navy and flies helicopters over Iraq when on "patrol."
The Navy does a lot of secret stuff but I can tell you that while their risks are not on the nightly news (and neither are many other services missions) they certainly are in a lot of "danger" even if we don't hear about it.

In addition the Navy does not give those 1/2 way through deployment breaks and are gone just as much as others, if not more for some areas, when they are "non-deployed." For example when my husband is "in port" aka. home he works 7 days a week from 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. I wish I were exaggerating, I'm not. When we went to counseling with a Navy Chaplain about the issues it was causing the chaplain said essentially "well, this is the Navy, our funding is cut to go to the war that people see on CNN but our jobs get more and more....less people same or more jobs = incredible work hours."

Quote:
Originally Posted by MommaKitten21 View Post
@Maluhia- I just wanted to give you a !!!! what a crappy situation. I completely understand though. I am back "home" as well while DH is gone, and I can not wait to get the heck out of here. It's a constant reminder to why we don't live near my family in the first place. I get the comments from others too, and I just sort of half smile and say "yeah, the help is nice" but inside... I'm like, WHAT HELP!!?!? My mom promised to take vacation time after the birth... that never happened. In fact, she has seen her new grand baby the least of any of my family. I have vented about my mother on here before... I cant wait to move! ha.

I just want you to know you are not alone. I have started reading a book called "Mothering Without a Map" and it's been so helpful in teaching me to better understand my relationship with my mom... and the effect that has on the relationship with my kids. Besides reading that book, the only thing that helps me is to accept I cant count on her help, and look for it elsewhere (which for me, I haven't had much luck with... but maybe you will!) How long is your hubby gone for?
Thanks! I think I'll read that once I'm on the plane heading the heck far far away from here for our next tour and I'm going to silence her FB updates so I don't have to "hear" about how much she "misses" DD.

Your User Agreement here at MDC, read it and make it your friend and read the FAQ to answer all the questions of the (MDC) world.
Maluhia is offline  
#139 of 263 Old 09-20-2010, 09:03 AM
 
MarineWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: on the edge
Posts: 11,521
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by •Adorkable• View Post
[B]seem like folks have gotten a bit zealous in wanting to make sure you understood what you were thinking about and got pretty harsh into horror stories.

there is always a lot of ups and down to military life, though i have to say i have never quite seen the ladies here jump tot the bad stuff so vigorously!
I wasn't passing along horror stories nor did I jump on the bad stuff. I told the truth about what our life is like. I guess maybe that makes my life a horror. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, especially for a parent. I think a parent who has young children needs to really think long and hard about what the actual separation from his/her children will be like.

After reading about everyone else's work hours, though, I guess I should stop getting upset about my dh's. I've never experienced this. He always worked long hours but was at least home most nights for a reasonable dinner time. I thought the longer days were because of his CO but maybe it's just the way things are now for various reasons and I should stop looking for someone to blame.

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

MarineWife is offline  
#140 of 263 Old 09-20-2010, 12:24 PM
 
~adorkable~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: State Of Bliss
Posts: 4,418
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was not talking about any single response, just the overall impression. I was surprised since in the past it seems like we have all managed to be hosest about the down sides in a more balanced way that also included some of the ups.
No one even asked her how much she already knew or what her particular reasons were before going into things pretty heavy. Had we asked it would have come out sooner that her dh used to be in so she probably knows a good bit of it all.

I agree that we should be honest about things, I was just surprised she got no other welcome, just a lapse in friendly that got overshadowed by worries, thats all.

partners.gif 2twins.gif  So what if I don't fit cleanly into a defined parenting style, my kids don't fit into a personality archetype either!

 
~adorkable~ is offline  
#141 of 263 Old 09-20-2010, 02:23 PM
 
Maine Mama Doula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Maine
Posts: 573
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
no hard feelings please

Everyone has been helpful and I'm sure I'll hear more of the good as I continue to read. I am considering seriously how well I would do at working REALLY long hours and being away from my family. I would be the one suffering as DH is a wonderful SAHP and since he is encouraging me, I know that he would not feel any anger towards me being away so much. I'm working through my own emotions now to see if I could really handle it myself. I put in 26 hours this weekend at my current job and I really do enjoy working. And I enjoy my children too.

The truth is, we have a lot of debt. And I have a lot of education. And my career options are slim pickings and rather unappealing at the moment. The Navy is an appealing option, but not a decision that I will make without months of consideration and research. So I'll be sticking around here and elsewhere for awhile, just listening.

Nina Wife to DH
Mama to DD1-4y DS-3y DD2-21m
Maine Mama Doula is offline  
#142 of 263 Old 09-20-2010, 04:59 PM
 
MarineWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: on the edge
Posts: 11,521
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
There are ways to express any positive sentiments you may have without minimizing others' experiences by calling them "horror stories".

The fact is that my life has been pretty crappy for the last 15+ months because of the military and I'm feeling no love for it right now. When dh first joined I was able to see the good in it and appreciate the benefits I thought we had and thought the sacrifices were worth it. After many years and several long separations and what that has done to our family unit, I don't feel that way so much anymore.

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

MarineWife is offline  
#143 of 263 Old 09-20-2010, 06:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
~Katie~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 6,652
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
More major bummer news. DH got a one sentence email from his branch manager saying that he can't go active duty unless he's a captain. Still need to verify this, but if that's the case he'll have no choice but to find a civilian job because the NG won't make him a captain until they return from their deployment in 2013. He SHOULD make captain in December though

ribbonyellow.gif Army wife ribbonyellow.gif - Mama to Liam waterbirth.jpg (9/07), Laine uc.jpg (5/09), and Eliza h20homebirth.gif (7/11)

~Katie~ is offline  
#144 of 263 Old 09-21-2010, 11:51 AM
 
MommaKitten21's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Ft. Campbell, KY
Posts: 409
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
oh no, Katie! Keep us updated... definitely thinking of you guys! And what is with the one sentence response? That would tick me off.

Kourtney, happily married to my soldier and raising ds 7/08 .... dd 7/10..... and ds 11/11

MommaKitten21 is offline  
#145 of 263 Old 09-21-2010, 12:16 PM
 
Soul-O's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Wiesbaden, Germany
Posts: 1,226
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Katie~ View Post
More major bummer news. DH got a one sentence email from his branch manager saying that he can't go active duty unless he's a captain. Still need to verify this, but if that's the case he'll have no choice but to find a civilian job because the NG won't make him a captain until they return from their deployment in 2013. He SHOULD make captain in December though
OK. This really sucks. Is the branch manager Ms. Moorman by any chance? DH was able to sweet talk her into giving us this assignment (Ft Lewis) prior to BOLC III. I'll ask him if he has any tips for getting resolution from her. I'm so sorry that you guys are still in limbo, and thus aren't able to make a definitive plan yet. DH didn't have much trouble getting himself released from his NG contract to go AD, but there were no incentives or ROTC issues to be sorted out.

Tabitha ~ devoted wife to my best friend Stephen ribbonyellow.gif and gentle Christian mom to six DSs: notes.gif E - 2/09/00REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifA - 3/05/03superhero.gifA- 6/05/06 guitar.gif H- 2/07/08 jog.gif J - 11/14/10 bouncy.gif T - 8/23/12 + stork-suprise.gif due 9/20/14!  brokenheart.gif DD Janae 10/19/09 angel2.gif
Soul-O is offline  
#146 of 263 Old 09-21-2010, 12:29 PM
 
MovingMomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Eastern North Carolina
Posts: 2,340
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
There are ways to express any positive sentiments you may have without minimizing others' experiences by calling them "horror stories".

The fact is that my life has been pretty crappy for the last 15+ months because of the military and I'm feeling no love for it right now. When dh first joined I was able to see the good in it and appreciate the benefits I thought we had and thought the sacrifices were worth it. After many years and several long separations and what that has done to our family unit, I don't feel that way so much anymore.


It's hard to express a whole lot of positive when we're in the middle of all the negative. Our biggest testimony is that we're still sticking it out. Then again, DH just reenlisted for years 12-16. So there is no "out" for 4 more years, and at that point we'll only have 4 to go to retirement.

I usually tell people who are considering joining the military to go in with a goal in mind. Maybe the goal is to do one contract and gain skills or experiences or money for college or a check on your resume for a future political career. Maybe the goal is to stay in until you earn the retirement benefits. But I advise not to go into the military just for a job.

We got some good news the other day! DH got selected for WO! We should find out where we're going in the next few weeks!

-Shannon, momma to H reading.gif 8/03, N heartbeat.gif 9/06, & P homebirth.jpg 8/11, missing S brokenheart.gif born at 11 wks 1/09 

 


 
   

MovingMomma is offline  
#147 of 263 Old 09-21-2010, 12:51 PM
 
~adorkable~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: State Of Bliss
Posts: 4,418
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
There are ways to express any positive sentiments you may have without minimizing others' experiences by calling them "horror stories".
im sorry you have been having a hard time in the military and im sorry you felt minimized, that was not my intent at all.
i was actually just bummed that a new lady popped her head in and didn't get a hello and a welcome before a number of folks not just you seemed to focus nearly completely on the bad things.

Military life is hard for sure, i was just wanting her to see we are also a friendly group that supports each other since we all go thru versions of the same stuff around here.

lets drop this now ok? we have better things to talk about and enough to go thru with out extra strife

partners.gif 2twins.gif  So what if I don't fit cleanly into a defined parenting style, my kids don't fit into a personality archetype either!

 
~adorkable~ is offline  
#148 of 263 Old 09-21-2010, 01:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
~Katie~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 6,652
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soul-O View Post
OK. This really sucks. Is the branch manager Ms. Moorman by any chance? DH was able to sweet talk her into giving us this assignment (Ft Lewis) prior to BOLC III. I'll ask him if he has any tips for getting resolution from her. I'm so sorry that you guys are still in limbo, and thus aren't able to make a definitive plan yet. DH didn't have much trouble getting himself released from his NG contract to go AD, but there were no incentives or ROTC issues to be sorted out.
Yep, that's her! I would be ever so grateful if you had tips to share. It is incredibly frustrating, and it's stinks to have the door opened only to watch it slam shut in our faces again.

DH heard from another source not to believe what she's talking about, so we'll see if we can get some answers from this person.

ribbonyellow.gif Army wife ribbonyellow.gif - Mama to Liam waterbirth.jpg (9/07), Laine uc.jpg (5/09), and Eliza h20homebirth.gif (7/11)

~Katie~ is offline  
#149 of 263 Old 09-21-2010, 01:21 PM
 
MommaKitten21's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Ft. Campbell, KY
Posts: 409
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Shannon- congrats to your DH!! That's awesome!

My DH wants to go WO... that's his goal. His job has 5 feeders into WO... so I'm crossing my fingers his plan works out.


I'm about to call Gordon today and start planning the move. Oh man. This will be my first moving experience. DH was all moved in and settled when we were together when he was in before. ugh.

Any tips for the move?

Kourtney, happily married to my soldier and raising ds 7/08 .... dd 7/10..... and ds 11/11

MommaKitten21 is offline  
#150 of 263 Old 09-21-2010, 10:29 PM
 
kristenok18's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: WI
Posts: 2,110
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MovingMomma View Post
e got some good news the other day! DH got selected for WO! We should find out where we're going in the next few weeks!
Congratulations!!! DH became an WO last year with the WI NG. It has been a great move for him career-wise and for us as a family. Good luck with everything!
kristenok18 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off