Women of Color 2014-2015 - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 23 Old 10-09-2014, 09:01 AM - Thread Starter
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Women of Color 2014-2015

Okay mamas,
This is the new thread. We can discuss anything!!
I'll start
I am a mama of a 3 year old and pregnant. I am due in January. I live in Oregon so being of African descent..... I am natural because what's the point in an very moist environment.. Lol. But I love it and have found I love my hair!
I Cook everything and try to make what I can. I make our toothpaste, laundry detergent and venturing into soap making!! Yes, I am a SAHM.
We are a very multicultural family, my husband has German and Chilean ancestry and I'm a bit mixed up as well.
And, I just try to be happy!!
Okay, your turn!
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#2 of 23 Old 10-09-2014, 01:59 PM
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Hooray for the new thread! Thanks for starting it tracyamber!

I have a 4 yo son and am currently TTC again after a m/c in 2013. I am bi-racial (black/white) and live in rural New Hampshire so I almost never even see anyone else of color. I live here with my mother and husband who are both white (-ish). We moved here three years ago from Philadelphia and have started growing a small farm. So far we have chickens and guinea hens, sheep, donkeys, pigs, and 2 cats & 3 dogs. In the next year or two we'd like to add a cow, a horse, ducks, and bees. I do a lot of cooking and preserving, and I'd love to get into soap making too! I just learned to knit and I am an avid reader and tea drinker. I am a pretty physical person and like to run & swim & garden; I practice Tai Chi and yoga and would love to develop a more disciplined meditation practice. And I am very excited about the start of this new thread!
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#3 of 23 Old 10-10-2014, 06:49 AM
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Yes!, new thread, new thread! Hi you guys, my name is Tamara and I am in the pre-TTC phase. I am black as my family comes from West Virginia and Cleveland on my father's side and the coast of South Carolina on my maternal side (fun fact, I am of Gullah/Geechee descent). My husband and live in Austin Texas and have been married a little over 10 years now. We will be trying for our first around the start of the New Year. I'm currently working in IT corporate America but working towards starting my own business so that we can be a work from home family. Even though we are in Austin and we love it, we just decided to move back (we lived there before) to Phoenix, AZ purely to be close to Hubby's family so that we will have a support network for any kids we have. OK, enough rambling from me, I'm glad to e-meet you all! How is everyone doing? Can you believe that there is a little more than two months left in 2014? Yikes!

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#4 of 23 Old 10-11-2014, 10:06 AM - Thread Starter
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@MsBe
I aspire to have a farm one day. That really is cool. We have just bought a house and I hope to have several raised beds. Maybe chickens next year just.
What kind of tea do you like?? Are you charting and all that for you TTC? @Brown Lioness
What is the pre-TTC phase?
It is important to have a support network. When will you be moving to Arizona? Aren't the politics quite different from Texas to Arizona?

Anyway, I just wanted to stop by and say hello to you. Both and I hope more women come and chat with us.



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#5 of 23 Old 10-12-2014, 04:49 PM
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Wonderful to meet you two! Maybe if we keep posting some others may be attracted & join in.
@tracyamber I have raised beds in my garden too. It was a ton of work the first year- man, a lot of soil is needed to fill each bed- but I love it now, it is so easy to clean out & compost & weed. I am working on mulching between the beds but for now I mostly just mow between them. I got into ordering bulk herbs and drinking lots of tea when I was pregnant with DS. We were living in Philly then and the woman who taught our birth class always had new teas to drink. Later I bought The Wise Woman's Herbal Guide to the Childbearing Year (or something like that) and now I do a lot of nettle and oatstraw, red raspberry leaf and red clover, hibiscus and rose hips. Some dandelion and parsley too. I'd love to get more knowledgeable about herbs. I am thinking that I may really focus on herbs in my gardening endeavors. I think it is so interesting that you make so many of your own products. Does your 3 yo use the toothpaste you make? Is she/he excited about the new baby?
I am charting and doing acupuncture. DS was conceived the second cycle we tried, but this time around things have been more of a journey. We have been TTC since Oct/Nov of 2012, with one m/c at 13 weeks. I don't mind continuing to try, in fact I want to, I loved being pregnant and can't imagine not experiencing it again. But I'm also very open to adoption. It's always been a not-too-secret dream of mine, but DH is reluctant.
@Brown Lioness I have heard of Gullah but not Geechee. Still, what a fun heritage! I have only visited Austin and Pheonix, and it was over a decade ago now, but I had a grand time both places. I went "scurfing" (waterskiing on a surf board) on Lake Austin when I visited there, and remember a lovely art walk in Pheonix I think. Having a good support network is so helpful. Part of the reason we moved up here is to lure my mother into living with us. She lives in an attached el and it is awesome to be able to send DS to Grammy's when I think my head just might explode! I am excited for you & your upcoming TTC adventure! When will you begin to try?

Next weekend DH & I are going to Boston for the night and DS is having his first mommy & daddy-less sleepover at my sister's house. And then on Monday my in-laws come to visit for a few days so it will be a busy, busy week here of cleaning and packing. Plus the pigs will be slaughtered this week. Always somewhat sad to see them go, but also a relief not to have to feed them anymore.
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#6 of 23 Old 10-13-2014, 09:22 AM - Thread Starter
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I'm sorry you for miscarriage. How old are you if I may ask. I'm asking because of your TTC for two years. It get harder as we get older.
Slaughtering the pigs, wow your life is so different than mine. What do you do with all the meat? Do you do the slaughtering or dh?
Yes, my son does love the tooth powder! He is very excited about the baby as well but I think when the time comes there will definitely be a shift in attention and I worry a bit.


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#7 of 23 Old 10-15-2014, 04:23 AM
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Yeah, m/c sucks. I am 37 but not (too) afraid of my age or at least trying not to be! DH & I went to see my naturopath who specializes in gyno this past March (one year after our m/c). We had tried on and off (about 7 months of timed sex) at that point and she looked at my charts and talked to DH about his diet and then told us that she didn't think anything was "wrong" but that it may take us longer to get pregnant this time because of our age (DH will be 40 next month). It is frustrating because we got pregnant on the second month of trying with the m/c too but since then it has been nothing but and BFN's.

We sell half or whole pig shares, and then keep one for ourselves. DH will help with the slaughtering but we have a friend who does most of the slaughtering in our town (he will do our lambs too) and then we take the carcasses to a butcher shop that smokes and parcels it. We have a big chest freezer and the pig, a lamb (the others are sold), and a quarter share of beef we buy from a neighbor takes care of almost all our meat needs for the year (our flock has only spawned one chick & 3 new guinea hens so we still need to purchase chicken). The last two years I felt I had to be there for the slaughter, and I helped skin one of the pigs last year. This year I am ready to keep my distance but DH will still help. It is emotionally draining work and I have the greatest respect for the man who does our slaughtering; he is gentle and kind. This week I am spoiling them by gathering dropped apples from my neighbor's tree and raking up bushels of acorns and hickory nuts.

tracyamber please do share your toothpaste recipe! My son is hooked on some watermelon flavored "training toothpaste." I've tasted it and it tastes like candy. I’d love to find an alternative that he will use.
I understand your concerns about the shift in attention, my DS was still nursing during my lost pregnancy and I after the first few weeks of sore nipples I was concerned that I would not last nursing thru pregnancy. And then I m/c and I was glad my boy was still baby enough to nurse. He weaned (with some prodding) at about 42-46 months. I can tell he still misses it; he co-sleeps with us and a hand on my breast is still his sign that he's ready to roll over and go to sleep. Still, I think 3-5 years is an ideal time to welcome a new sibling; I’m sure your DS will adjust just fine.
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#8 of 23 Old 10-16-2014, 10:19 PM - Thread Starter
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Oh my, meat for the whole year. Again, my life is so different. We buy our eggs and chicken from a local farm. That's as far as I go. I think it would be hard to slaughter though I do think it is important to be a part of the process. I think that is awesome that you are all farming. How long have you had the farm? Have you always done physical work? I'm really a city girl but since moving to oregon have changed quite a bit and at some point like I said I'd like to have a tiny farm and live in a " tiny" house. I love composting and gardening and knowing I get my food from reliable source and I feel the only way is to be in control of my own food. Right? Oh and I miss our apple tree we had at our last home. I always love the harvesting part. Rambling... Sorry

So I'm an older mom and when I have this child( my last) I will be 43. My dh and I met late in life and after doing many handstands after timed sex and never getting pregnant we found that he had very low sperm,Mobility, and morphology. Our only option to have genetic children would through IVF so that is what we did. And then my age became a factor. I do know the older we get it gets harder to conceive and often pregnancy can occur but end in a miscarriage as our eggs can have chromosomal abnormalities. I'm glad you are being very proactive in trying and I I do know from experience that getting those bfn's can be so hard so hugs to you!!!
I think is awesome that you nursed for so long. I nursed for 24 months but had to stop if I wanted to cycle again I can tell my ds still misses it too as he always cuddles me there and when he cries and I pick him up, his hand goes down my shirt to touch my boob


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#9 of 23 Old 10-16-2014, 10:23 PM - Thread Starter
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CINNAMON & CLOVE TOOTH POWDER


4 tablespoons bentonite clay
4 tablespoons calcium powder (if you’re making your own, make sure it’s ground extra-fine)
1/4 teaspoon baking soda (omit if the mixture is too salty for your taste )
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon cloves
1 tablespoon activated charcoal (optional)
1tablespoon and 2 teaspoons xiolityl

Mix all ingredients together well and store in an airtight container (or individual containers, if you prefer).
I have not added the activated charcoal but plan on trying it in my next batch. I do add a tablespoon of Spiralina( I know this is spelled wrong but I'm having a mental block.



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#10 of 23 Old 10-27-2014, 10:48 AM
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@BrownLioness How’s the pre-TTC going? When do you think you’ll be moving?
@tracyamber Thanks for the toothpaste recipe. I can see that it will take a bit of looking into since I've never even heard of some of the ingredients-- bentonite clay? calcium powder (I can make this?!), activated charcoal and xiolityl? Where does one get these things? Does it turn out to be a paste or a powder that you add water to each time?

I love composting too. It boggles my mind sometimes when I see how much organic waste gets put in the trash. I had a compost pile in the city and when we moved I bagged it up and moved it with me.

Our farm is definitely tiny. I couldn’t handle anything more. And I definitely hear you on the “tiny” house. After living in a too big house in Philly, I was happy to settle into something smaller here. Other than the kitchen I don’t much care for cleaning; DH, bless him, is a slob; and now there is an ever encroaching number of toys, sticks, rocks, feathers, and “pet” insects from my son. Having limited space makes it easier for me to be firm about clearing clutter.

As far as other physical work goes- not really. My degree is in art (oil painting & ceramic sculpture) and I have primarily worked in social services. Eventually I’d like to go back and get a MA in art therapy. But for now I love being home and doing things outside every day. What sort of work did you do before becoming a SAHM? Do you miss it?

Hooray for older moms! I hope to have a baby in my 40's. If we don’t get pregnant by spring we will be doing some testing- starting with DH’s swimmers. At this point he is much more open to assisted conception than adoption. I just want more kids however they come! Your EDD is so soon; you must be so excited. Do you know the sex or will it be a surprise?

DH and I went to Boston for a night to celebrate our anniversary. It was lovely. We went to the opera on Friday night and the Museum of Fine Art on Saturday. But mostly spent a lot of time wandering around. Saw a surprising number of mixed race couples. I love seeing how different the world my son is growing up in is from the one we had.
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#11 of 23 Old 10-29-2014, 05:05 AM
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@Brown Lioness I came in on an NPR segment about James Brown yesterday- was he Geechee?

Anybody else curious to see/ already seen "Dear White People"? I hope it makes it up here. I haven't been to the movies in ages but I'd go to see this.
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#12 of 23 Old 10-29-2014, 09:21 AM - Thread Starter
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I will post later today!!!!


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#13 of 23 Old 10-29-2014, 10:31 PM - Thread Starter
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Women of Color 2014-2015

@MsBe
Yes, I just add water to my toothbrush each time. It is a powder. All the ingredients you should be able to get on amazon or a local health food store.

You majored in art. That is so cool. What made you stay a home and be on a farm? Did you dh have anything to do with that? Art to farm...... I'm so curious. I've always majored in education. My undergrad was in Deaf studies and I then went on to major in education and got a multiple subject credential to teach elementary school. I then went on to get masters in social justice because I thought I wanted to be a principal. But decided it was not for me. I taught elementary for 12 years. I love being a SAHM!!! I'm pretty disenchanted with our educational system and looking into homeschooling our children. And yes we are having another boy!! I'm very excited.
Are you taking any supplements or any thing to add to TTC? I imagine your dh sperm is okay seeing that you had no problem getting pregnant with your ds. It's good to get it tested anyway.
Your night out with you dh sounds so wonderful. Happy anniversary. Does he enjoys the arts as much as you do? @Brown Lioness what are you up to these days???
I am curious about seeing " dear white people" though I don't think it will come to my town . I'd have to travel to see it.

Sorry if my post is rambling. I just got back from a toddler Halloween party at the library and a bit tired.


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#14 of 23 Old 11-02-2014, 05:19 AM
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Education is a frequent topic around here since I come from a family with lots of educators- my father was a science education prof., his sister a college dean, one of my sisters taught elementary for a bit and is now a HS guidance counselor, her husband teaches middle school, my other sister worked in college admissions until opening a fabric arts store last year and her husband is a college basketball coach, my brother married a special ed teacher, my mom taught special ed, DH's sister taught 2nd grade before becoming a SAHM and two of DH & I's closest friends are educators- one teaches elementary, the other HS art. There is burn-out and disenchantment all around but that doesn't mean our thoughts about homeschooling receive universal support. Dh and I both found school oppressive in ways, and we would both have loved to have had the option of homeschooling when we were kids. But if I'm totally honest one of my reasons for wanting to homeschool DS is that I waited so long for him and I want to be with him, experience him, as long as and as much as I can. I love being a SAHM too.

Oh I am taking a whole list of supplements: EPO up 'till O, baby aspirin after, cod liver oil, B Vits, Calcium Mag & Vit D, CoQ10, and pre-natal of course. Plus nutritional yeast, coconut oil, bone broths, green smoothies, etc...

The last two years of charting have shown a pretty regular cycle with O between cd13 and 17, and a 13-15 day LP. We've managed good timing probably a little more than half that time. What is the hold up? Annoying to find myself in another minority: the 15% who don't get pregnant after 1 year of well-timed sex.

Congrats on another boy! Before DS I wanted to have all girls. The whole time I was pregnant with DS I called him "Cecelia". I was genuinely surprised to find I had a boy. And he is a really boyish boy, but I am so crazy about him. I really don't have any preference about gender anymore, I just really want another child.

Did you dress up for Halloween? DS & I were ninjas and went trick-or-treating with my sister's family. My niece was a secret service agent and her friend was Michelle Obama, they were great.
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#15 of 23 Old 11-02-2014, 08:36 AM - Thread Starter
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@MsBe have you read " It Starts with the Egg"? It's gottan a lot of hype! Just a thought.


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#16 of 23 Old 11-02-2014, 09:13 AM
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Sorry ive been MIA, October tends to be a fun filled month for me since it was my birthday month. My hubby even surprised me with a trip to Las Vegas for my birthday! I was soooo blown and we had some good fun even tho we are the most boring Las Vegas tourists ever. We ate real good and then went back to our hotel to chill lol.

Anywho, MsBe, i have heard rumblings that James Brown was geechee and if he was it would not surprise me, but im not for sure. I'll ask tho. Many black americans have Gullah/Geechee ties and dont even know it.

Hey Tracyamber, Im just tryna live my life like its golden lol. Nothing much on the pre-TTC front as i fell off charting cause of the Las Vegas trip. Ill get back to tracking this month tho, we arent trying to start TTC until the New Year at least. Uh, i took a Krav Maga self defense class at work, that was a lot of fun and I want to take more. Also want to restart my capoeira practice but this time instead of doing capoeira regional, i want to do capoeira angola. Capoeira regional is more off the ground and standing up and capoeira angola is primary close to or on the floor.

Im also looking to start doing yoga (again, i did a few bikram classes some years ago). I want to buy a new yoga mat as the one i have is all flimsy and what not and i think I found a *coughAffordablecough* yoga studio I want to get started with. Stic Man from Dead Prez apparently likes going there when he is in town. I like that because it seems like many yoga studios have no diversity and that makes me pause because isnt yoga supposed to be about inclusion? So yea. I got a massage when we got back from Vegas (another new thing im into lol) and the masseuse noticed how out of alignment my hips are (i have low degree scoliosis, so there's that as well), so she recommended starting a yoga or pilates practice. I picked yoga because i already have experience with it and all the benefits it brings.

Im also looking into building my food storage up...im tired of not knowing what to cook or meal plan cause I have nothing in my fridge. I even got my coworkers excited about it lol.

Im really happy that the holidays are here but kinda exasperated that 2014 is almost gone! I can hardly believe its November already, geez! So much to do and no time to do it in.

How are ya'll doing? I want to go see Dear White People too, im so happy for the director and the cast, cause I remember when this movie was still being shopped to the movie festivals and stuff and now here they are on the BIG SCREENS! yayayyayay!

Oh and tracyamber, congrats on the boy!!!! I secretly want a little boy first, but that just means i will get a little girl first lol.

NMY actively making my dreams happen :

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#17 of 23 Old 11-02-2014, 11:54 AM
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@Brown Lioness Welcome back! You were missed. Happy Birthday! What fun, a surprise trip! I love yoga. I mostly just have a home practice, but I catch a class at the Y whenever I can. I can't believe you can do capoeira, that is amazing! I saw a Brazilian group perform when I was in school, it was mind-blowingly beautiful.
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#18 of 23 Old 11-02-2014, 06:37 PM
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@Brown Lioness Welcome back! You were missed. Happy Birthday! What fun, a surprise trip! I love yoga. I mostly just have a home practice, but I catch a class at the Y whenever I can. I can't believe you can do capoeira, that is amazing! I saw a Brazilian group perform when I was in school, it was mind-blowingly beautiful.

Thank you MsBe, i missed ya'll too!

Yea, i was quite surprised at my hubby, he has been on a roll lately with the surprising me with things. I think he just likes the look on my face when he does it lol.

I want to have a primarily home practice with yoga as well because I want to incorporate it with my meditation time. Plus, even though I found an affordable studio, I dont want to be dependent on it.

Well, I am a capoeirista and its a beautiful game but i have not done it in at least a month of Sundays. Plus, with me switching the type of capoeira that I do, I have to find a new group. Im nervous about that, but looking forward to it as well.

MsBe, your reason to homeschool is one of my big reasons I want to homeschool/unschool. I cant imagine waiting ALL this time to conceive and have my baby, only to ship them off for other people to train up and teach and spend all their time with. I get that parents get tired of constantly being "on" for their kids, but teaching my kids and watching them learn is one of the BIG things I look forward to.

NMY actively making my dreams happen :
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#19 of 23 Old 11-02-2014, 09:02 PM - Thread Starter
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@Brown Lioness I'm impressed. How long have you been doing capoeira? Sounds beautiful!!! I bet your core muscles are in awesome shape. @MsBe as well. Being pregnant usually makes me a bit outta shape. This is a hard pregnancy. This will definitely be my last and I'm grateful. Happy belated birthday as well! @MsBe wow so many family and close ones in education!! That's great. Yes, I was one of those kids that could have benefited form homeschooling. After your with you kids you really get a feel for how they learn right? And you can't beat the teacher/child ratio of course I'm expecting ds will want to go to school at some point so I'm open to it especially for high school.
I am reading a book called" does anybody else look like me?" It's okay but I'm really trying to find books so I can navigate and have open dialogue about being multiracial. We live in oregon and we live on the coast so the diversity is minimal. My son stands out and I am concerned about the attention he receives, he's really cute( but looks very unusual with blond curly hair that everyone wants to touch and I'm having to speak up and say" please don't do that" it's like no one has seen curly hair or something and he's brown. Anyone have any advice or good books to read. I grew up in California so am use to seeing diversity and this is all so new to me. Thanks for listening , that was a rant.. Lol


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#20 of 23 Old 11-11-2014, 05:14 AM
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Hello Women! All is well here. I am about 10dpo and I am oddly excited about this month. My TCM guy was very positive at my last visit and said that if we didn't get pregnant soon he'd like to see DH. And I've had a nice triphasic shift to fuel my hopes. I'm sorry to hear that your pregnancy has been difficult @tracyamber , I never felt as good as I did during my pregnancy with DS, although delivery was a b****. I hope I get so lucky again.

Now that DS is four we get a lot of questions about school. I'm learning to be evasive about it. At first I was open about homeschooling but so many people seem to find that an invitation to tell me why it is not the best choice for us. The dental hygienist yesterday asked where DS goes to school and he told her he was homeschooled. She laughed and said that since he would spend so many years in real school why not enjoy another year at home. He's only four! When did it become abnormal to be at home at four?

I hear you on the hair bit, luckily here in NE people aren't too touchy but DS gets the "oooh, look at the curls" thing nearly every time we go anywhere. He still refuses a haircut and I don't push it, but it takes forever to comb out (as does mine) so oftener than I like at least one of us is out in public with a rats' nest in the kitchen. The book looks interesting, are you not finding it so? Growing up in Maine I was frequently asked "what are you?" My mom told us we should answer "human". "But I mean what nationality are you?" "American." "But I mean where are your parents from?" "Maine and New Jersey." ... Perhaps you wouldn't be surprised at how many people won't stop until they can find a suitable box to place you in. DH and I have had this conversation many times. I think it is rude and prying, DH thinks it should be flattering that people think I look different and are curious why. People often ask me where DS got those curls, which baffled me at first but now I dream that just once I will have the ovaries to wink and answer, "It's that touch of the tar!" DS is really fair and I have been mistaken more than once for the nanny. So now I'm ranting! No I guess I don't have much advice.
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#21 of 23 Old 11-11-2014, 09:04 AM - Thread Starter
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Women of Color 2014-2015

@MsBe I'm so glad to read your post this morning.. It made me laugh. I had the same thing happen last week. A women from the library said "is he in school yet?" And I replied " he's only 3!! " people ask this all the time and I too was thinking, 3 year olds are still usually at home right? When parents don't have to work I think that's kinda early. Anyway, I ranted something off like" he's got the best teacher already with a 1:1 ratio"

I'm so happy for you this cycle. I have to admit. I frequently look around all the TTC threads as I'm very attached to fertility and infertility forums. I saw your name and post on one of the the threads a few days ago. I was so happy and I started to give you a " like" but I did not want to freak you out thinking I was stalking or anything. Though, a lot of us mamas on the infertility challenged thread stalk each other For support in all areas. So will you wait for your menses in 4 days or will you test?? I sure hope this is you cycle. It's hard to not get excited isn't it???

Oh on the note of combing curls, I try to detangle every three days because it is such a challenge and ds won't let me do it everyday so that is the compromise. I threaten to cut his curls but he wants to keep them. I just cut the sides of his head and back but the top has his curls all over.

Now I'm rambling........ Hi@brown lioness!!!!

Keep us posted @MsBe



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#22 of 23 Old Today, 08:20 AM
MsBe
 
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I think I'll be checking out (or checking in to) the challenged thread soon if this isn't it. I tested this morning @13dpo and got a BFN, but I'm still hopeful since it was a leftover internet cheapie and it says it expired last month. I'm still excited regardless. After all this time I just can't help but think our turn is coming soon! DH is (reluctantly) viewing this milestone birthday as an opportunity to re-dedicate himself to his fitness. I hope I can convince him to try acupuncture. He balks at the most gentle prodding.

We had sticky snow last night and everything was just so lovely this morning. It has me motivated to get some things crossed off my to-do list (not the least of which is finishing putting my garden to bed and tracking down a turkey for a fast approaching Thanksgiving.) You're right @Brown Lioness suddenly it seems that this year is almost over!
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@MsBe I'm sorry. ( hugs) it's always hard to get those bfn's. I'm glad your are still hopeful that if it's not this cycle your turn should be coming soon, and it should. Hugs again mama


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