Lonely/no friend mamas - Page 4 - Mothering Forums
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Finding Your Tribe > Lonely/no friend mamas
ShadowMom's Avatar ShadowMom 05:45 PM 09-22-2005
Hi. Can I join you? I'm a no-friend mama... sigh.

I've never had too many friends... used to be, DH was my best friend, but somehow since I became a mom, he's who I want to complain about the most... LOL. He just doesn't understand what my life is like a lot of the time.

I had one friend I used to kick around with, just so I'd have another mom to do stuff with... but I distanced myself from her when her actions got to be tooooooo much (smoking heavily while pregnant, CIO, that sort of thing).

I joined my local LLL, and have met some really nice ladies there... in fact, one of them was a mom I'd met online already and didn't know it! She invited me to their playgroup, but never sent me the info on it... not sure what to think of that.

DS and I go to the playground every evening when it cools down some (still in the 90's during the day here), but I haven't really met anyone there. There are some odd people at the playground in the evening.

We don't have a MOMS group here, so that's not an option.

Overall, I am feeling kind of lonely and isolated... no one to talk to... my DH and I are having some problems and it would be nice to have a friend IRL.

So, hopefully if I keep getting out of the house I'll hook up with some ladies. I'm a plus-sized mom so I wonder if it just doesn't appeal to people to socialize with me :LOL I think it's a turn-off for a lot of people.

MarisaMay's Avatar MarisaMay 08:28 PM 09-22-2005
Ooh, can I join this tribe, please? This is my first post, as I am too shy to just jump into the other threads I read. I totally relate to what many of you have already posted. I stay home with my 4 mo. old dd and am kind of missing the adult interaction I had at work. I have never had alot of friends, just many friendly acquaintances. And now, just a baby to keep me company! I am hoping as she gets older, we will join some play groups and maybe meet other moms, but until then I am glad to have found others in the same boat.
burke-a-bee's Avatar burke-a-bee 11:06 PM 09-22-2005
We had a hurricane this week so my 6 yo had time off from school and it kept us indoors most of the time. Which really makes me miss having friends. Actually I've never known what it is like having friends around as a parent. I see so many moms chatting it up at museums and the park. I can't imagine having a life outside of my children like they do.
Sorry if I sound pathetic.
noorjahan's Avatar noorjahan 12:15 AM 09-23-2005

burke-a-bee's Avatar burke-a-bee 12:48 AM 09-23-2005
We have been really lucky with hurricanes in Florida this year. My heart goes out to everyone in LA and Miss. I can't imagine what they are going through.
frowningfrog's Avatar frowningfrog 04:44 PM 09-23-2005
noorjahan;;
I do not remember exactly what the letters d and c stand for ...but it is when they go in and clean out your uterous. this is my second this year. I had an emergency one a week after the baby came,( last July )cause i got a really serious infection in my uterous and i hemeraged and nearly died , this one was because since then i have had very heavy periods and i also become ill during my period ..(i am bed bound for 7 days) ..so she did that also to see if it will help..cause im trying to aviod a hysterctomy if i can..I am done birthing children , but its a big operation and i would like to avoid it...
they also do them sometimes on women who have a misscarriage and continue to bleed a lot ..with out sounding mean but its a cleaning out process ...

but I am doing well now and feeling back to myself ... this past year i havent been all that healthy due to the infection and massive blood loss so i am still not 100% but i am getting there ...
looking forward to the fall weather ,,that'll perk me up I love the fall...

well have a great day ladies

I would welcome e mails if you would like ..pms as well..whatever..i like meeting new people ...

Christine &
MomBirthmomStepmom's Avatar MomBirthmomStepmom 04:49 PM 09-23-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by frowningfrog
I do not remember exactly what the letters d and c stand for ...
D&C stands for Dilatation and Curettage.

It is the same procedure as an early abortion, and some dr's/hospitals will do this when a woman miscarries, even if it's not needed, some will just ask the woman if she wants it done instead of 'waiting to miscarry'. It basically is to clean out the uterus.
Sustainer's Avatar Sustainer 04:51 PM 09-23-2005
dilation & curettage
Sustainer's Avatar Sustainer 05:03 PM 09-23-2005
cross posted
frowningfrog's Avatar frowningfrog 10:40 PM 09-23-2005
yes thats it ..thank you...

christine
mjash4's Avatar mjash4 12:48 AM 09-24-2005
I feel the same as all of you do. I moved only 30 miles away and it's been very difficult finding a friend. I hang out in some groups for the sake of my ds who loves to be around kids but they all go out and I never get invited. There is nothing out here except farm land and I drive ds to activities for pre-schoolers that are considered far for many. They seem snooty and rude always trying to suggest that I change to fit in. I'm me and will always be. My friends are all from different cliques, different interests (some vaccinate, some don't, some bf, some don't) and I never think to pass judgement on them because it's none of my business what they choose to do with their lives. I only care that they have a good heart, could care less if they are popular or not. But my friends live far away, so this will have to do. I'll look for this thread in the future. You all sound like you are all really nice people.
Wishing all happpy thoughts, fond memories, and, of course, friends.
3 Little Monkeys's Avatar 3 Little Monkeys 08:16 PM 09-24-2005
I haven't read all the other posts - but I'm definitely a lonely mama. I have one IRL friend who is close enough to visit, but she's moving next week and will be an hour away so there goes that option dh's "solution" to this problem is to tell me to go to work - ya there we go, let me work a menial job that I hate and basically make enough money to cover the cost of child care, and end up being more stressed out than I already am. All of my friends are here - dh calls them my "make believe friends"
mjash4's Avatar mjash4 03:34 AM 09-25-2005
I feel your pain Three Little Monkeys. Where are you from? I go through the same thing every day. But I guess we'll find our way. Just to offer support, I think you already have the most important job that there is. I think that the world will be a better place when being a mom is recognized as such.
Pookietooth's Avatar Pookietooth 05:07 AM 09-25-2005
h Christine, hope all are well. Not much time to post. Glad I'm not the only shy gal around here. Shy people need friends, too!
noorjahan's Avatar noorjahan 12:55 PM 09-25-2005

3 Little Monkeys's Avatar 3 Little Monkeys 05:28 PM 09-25-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by mjash4
I feel your pain Three Little Monkeys. Where are you from? I go through the same thing every day. But I guess we'll find our way. Just to offer support, I think you already have the most important job that there is. I think that the world will be a better place when being a mom is recognized as such.
I'm in Central CA - born here, but don't consider myself 'from' here. I lived in Southern AZ for most of my life.

It would be nice to have our job recognized for what it is wouldn't it? I'm so tired of people asking me what I do, I say I take care of the kids, or I'm a stay at home mom and they always say "Oh, so you don't work" Ya, you're right, I don't work, I spend all day sitting in front of the tv eating bon bons (what is a bon bon btw? :LOL) letting the little fairies clean house, do laundry and take care of my children. sorry for the rant, sensitive subject for me
SillyGigglyGirls's Avatar SillyGigglyGirls 09:00 PM 09-25-2005
Well I haven't joined a tribe yet..but
I would love to join this one.
I feel like we are always busy, no life whatsoever for us.
Between being with both girls full time, and picking up our oldest daughter (part time - an hour away). Staying at home with the girls, and him at work, school (we barely have time to even spend time with each other). Honestly the only quality time we have is when he comes home from work and school. I make a late dinner for him and I, we talk and then we go to bed. Get up the next AM and start all over again.
Sometimes, I just wanna pause the world...just for the moment.
Anyhow... "that's my story!"
Jilian's Avatar Jilian 12:11 AM 09-26-2005
Can I join too? I'm a recently divorced mama who moved 1/2 way across the country about a year ago. I left a great supportive AP network of friends back "home" 1,500 miles away.

I've had no luck meeting any friends here. I'm shy - not to mention always busy. I do have a few family members in the area, but no mama friends. I really miss having like-minded mamas to spend time with.

Thank god for mothering.com so I at least have mamas I can talk to who are like me.
SillyGigglyGirls's Avatar SillyGigglyGirls 11:42 AM 09-26-2005
: I have no clue what bon bons are. But I know exactly how you feel. Motherhood I believe some people don't realize that as a parent you want to give "all." Our children requires total commitment in our lives and we are all things, everyday. A nurse, a teacher, a counsellor..etc. I stay at home, knowing that my children "need" me. Once they are in full time, I plan on going back to school. Persue the career I want. But still in that degree of wants, I know that my relationship with my children has to always be before what I want ..even to some degree of what I need. That's what parenting is all about self sarcifice.
Our2Girlz's Avatar Our2Girlz 11:53 AM 09-26-2005
Ohh Can I join too??!! I have 1 friend in eh area and she has multipule titles. Dh's cousin, my day care rovider, but first and foremost she is my friend. She is a lonely mama too as I am her only friend. I only moved to this area 5 1/2 years ago and I have no one not even dh's family (except this cousin) casue tehy all hate me and I think me and dh's cousin get along so well cause they dont like her either. *sigh* such is life there loss not mine.
mrsfatty's Avatar mrsfatty 12:53 PM 09-26-2005
Just joining you ladies!
Peepsqueak's Avatar Peepsqueak 03:54 PM 09-26-2005
I think I should join too. I have very few if any friends because even though I come into contact with people daily, it is only business as usual types of things. I am lonely because my dh is not really a friend at this point, because he is like a person I have to deal with who is very unpredictable. I cannot lean on him for friendship or comfort for anything. I tread carefully to ask his help for anything. When he does help I really do not care because I have to work so hard to convince him to help and be involved.

I have close friends that are far away and not reachable on a daily basis. I do have church aquaintances but like my privacy so I do not share personal things with them. I have three children I am busy with and meet other parents at the school but everybody is busy just like I am.

I think I can make more effort to get out and meet people though...like my petsitting business I can get to meet other petsitters at the meetings they have once a month. I also want to get involved in groups that do various activities...perhaps training for a marathon, triathalon or something. I may even try to get with a MS150 group to train.

I tried to get with dog training groups but some of them are tricky....it depends on how competitive they are. I am sure I will find some way of getting together with people and making more friends, but I think I can use more friends....especially in a marriage where I feel very alienated.
MomBirthmomStepmom's Avatar MomBirthmomStepmom 04:34 PM 09-26-2005
I'm another one who's SO believes if I 'got a job' I'd automtically acquire friends...

Now, I do work on the weekends (10 hours a week, and SO watches the kids... SAHM the rest of the time), but it's a job where I'm around NOONE, and bored all day..lol Crappy job, but grocery money! lol I can't find another job around here that I can get to (don't drive), that works around SO's schedule so the kids don't need a daycare.

Also, why is it some people think work equals friends? SO has been at his job for several years now, and isn't friends with ANYone there. He doesn't like most of them actually...lol So, why would he suggest that if I got a job, it'd mean friends? lol
Jilian's Avatar Jilian 06:02 PM 09-26-2005
I'm not sure why some DP's think a job would = friends. It's not true. Yeah, you might have people that you can talk to, but you would not necessarily make friends with people just because you work with them.

To me it is more important to find a friend who somewhat shares my beliefs on parenting. And it's so hard to find anyone in my area who is into natural parenting. Most of the mothers I've met at jobs I've worked at don't even like being mothers, and openly admit this. I'm not judgemental, but I couldn't see myself relating to a person who dislikes being a mother. I practice AP and am studying to be a midwife, I LOVE babies!

*sigh* sometimes I think I'll never meet any like-minded mamas IRL.
noorjahan's Avatar noorjahan 10:24 PM 09-26-2005

frowningfrog's Avatar frowningfrog 12:10 AM 09-27-2005
welcome all new lonely moms .....glad too see a lot of us finding our tribes,
now if we all lived closer to one another problem solved right .. :LOL how I wish.

I am feeling so much better as far as recovery. I havent really picked up the baby yet..i just have been lifting her onto the bed but nothing else just yet ..i wanna be sure i dont break anything ..hehe!! i get nervous about stiff sometimes...
anyhow...i saw the doc last week she said im healing nicely so good..no problems...

well hello to all ..and i am off to bed now ...see you soon

Christine

hugs to all...
Magella's Avatar Magella 11:58 AM 09-27-2005
Hello, another lonely mama here. It's just hard to meet people I "click" with. I often feel like the only non-mainstream/semi-crunchy/ap mama around here. For whatever reason I just don't hit it off with a lot of people. And I feel noticeably different: I have a visible (in tank tops) tattoo, I have weird short hair (growing out an extremely short 'do), I'm quiet, I carry my babes in slings, we walk to school (which is rare in these parts), my parenting style is different. Dunno. I can meet people and be friendly, but making that connection and becoming friends is rare. I'm nice, really

Well, Frowningfrog, I see your from Mass., so am I. I saw your link in your sig-are you welcoming new members? I'm shy but I'm interested in meeting new people. My dearest friends live far enough away that we don't see each other much.
frowningfrog's Avatar frowningfrog 05:08 PM 09-27-2005
Sledg::
I am always accepting new members in the group. we have all sorts of different types of parenting moms so its cool to get to know one another. Im sure you will like it ...its a very non judgemental group
a few from Mass belong and a few from NH also..
Got a few from MDC...as well.
see you in the group.


mjash4's Avatar mjash4 01:03 AM 09-28-2005
Are there any from NJ (Warren County)? Maybe i should move up by all of you. I'm really getting sick of everyone's judgements. But if you don't do what everyone else in the group does, you're out! How are we supposed to teach children about tolerating differences when we don't practice it ourselves. Many a time I've seen these same women who don't tolerate me correct the same type of behavior in their children: "We're all different, Johnny, but that doesn't mean that you can't be friends. You have to be nice to everyone, even if they're different." So, correct it now but when you get older it's a free for all.
3 Little Monkeys's Avatar 3 Little Monkeys 03:50 PM 09-28-2005
I'm in Central CA - it's rather lonely here. I wish I lived closer to my mom - she's my friend Dh asked me last night now I could be lonely - I've got 3 girls, 2 dogs (had 3 but we lost one Sunday night) and now a new little kitty. My oldest dd is the only one capable of holding an actual conversation - and she's at school all day - Besides, a 10 yr olds conversations aren't very exciting :LOL I've got no one around who I can hold an adult conversation with - he tells me to call someone - it just isn't the same {sigh} I've just decided that men just don't get it!
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