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-   Finding Your Tribe (http://www.mothering.com/forum/7-finding-your-tribe/)
-   -   Lonely/no friend mamas (http://www.mothering.com/forum/7-finding-your-tribe/335378-lonely-no-friend-mamas.html)

turkeygw 08-30-2005 12:23 AM

Are there any mamas out there, like me, who have very few to no friends. I have one friend, who I keep in contact with monthly, and that's it. And for me, no, inlaws don't count, because I hardly ever see them, except for mil. It's very hard for me to make friends, plus I'm shy, and don't trust people too easily. I also lost my best friend(my paternal grandmother) this past April, who was my absolute best friend. Geez I just wish I had a friend to talk to up close. Lol! My daughters talk me to death, but I need more adult convo. KWIM?

carla72 08-30-2005 12:32 AM

Hello I feel for you. I lost my Grandmother/bestfriend last october when my daughter was 3 months. I am still not over it. I have friends but none with children so I rarely see them these days. You tend to drift apart when you are in different cycles of your lifes. I attend La Leche league meetings once a month and I love them. It is really nice to be around other moms with similar values. Maybey there is one in your area.

Carla

Mother to stephie 16 months :

noorjahan 08-30-2005 12:49 AM


feebeeglee 08-30-2005 03:51 AM

You all are in the right place - outside of my family all my dearest friends have come from here!

Right now I have one friend, she is still a 'new' friend - and was obtained because our daughters liked each other. It was a pleasant surprise to discover that we liked each other too, and parent similarly.

But I spent a year after moving away from my MDC real-life friends before even trying to make friends in our new locality. I have never had more than one or rarely two friends at a time in my life, ever, and I really have to click with someone to want to spend time with them. I love my husband to pieces and he and my mother are my main social circle. I don't think of myself as shy at all, but I guess I'm picky! :LOL

Hopefully my 'new' friend will become My Friend, over time.

MamaMia* 08-30-2005 07:26 PM

Since becoming pregnant, I've noticed that my few 'friends' contact me less and less and seem to want less to do with me. So, I guess I am a part of this tribe. I'm also very shy and dealing with high anxiety. Yay me! : We moved here nearly 2 years ago, and I still don't have any 'friends' here.

noorjahan 08-30-2005 09:16 PM


burke-a-bee 08-30-2005 10:05 PM

Now THIS is my tribe. I have a few friend scattered across the country but we email about once a month and only see each other once a year. Locally I don't have any friends. It can be very isolating not having an adult to converse with daily. We've been in the area for almost 5 years and I haven't met anyone I can really call a friend. There are a few people I can say hi to at my son's school but there is no relationship. I am so glad to have found Mothering and this tribe. I really started to feel that there was something wrong with me.

irinam 08-30-2005 11:05 PM

I have only one friend that is close by. She does not have kids though (yet?)

Other than that I am pretty lonely and I don't even consider myself shy. Overly picky maybe?

So I guess I am signing up for the "lonely tribe"

Attached_Mom_to_7 08-30-2005 11:14 PM

I'm here too with ya mama's!!! We moved in the city we live in now 6 years ago. I've met some people, but, none that I can ever consider really a true friend, they mostly are either into drugs or just so mainstream(most here have NO problem using a belt).

Anyways, I'm still on a quest to find some AP mama's in my area.

frowningfrog 08-30-2005 11:28 PM

can I join in on this lonely mom party . I lost all my friends. I dunno why. its not like i dunno where they are. They lost me I lost them It was mutual. nothing happened that im aware of we just drifted apart. i speak to one bout every few months or so but its always me that calls her..so now my only friends are the one that i made online. I talk to my guy but he's a jerk a lot so I ignore him as much as possible but i think thats mutual as well . I talk to my children. my 1 yr old thinks im the greatest :LOL and my 9 yr old looks at me sometime time like im a fruit loop. :LOL ..but her and i have some great conversations at night when the baby has gone off to sleep.
But i need some moms to learn from and to grow with.
....

*daciaperfect* 08-31-2005 02:23 AM

i'll be your friends.

i lost many of my friends while pregant and right after having my dd. it was like hey, she settled down now so shes boring. i dont get it but i have heard of others going thru the same thing.

im glad for boards like this. i have met up with moms from here which is really nice because many are like minded in different areas but so diversified at the same time.

patchouligirl 08-31-2005 12:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by burke-a-bee
Now THIS is my tribe. I have a few friend scattered across the country but we email about once a month and only see each other once a year. Locally I don't have any friends. It can be very isolating not having an adult to converse with daily. We've been in the area for almost 5 years and I haven't met anyone I can really call a friend. There are a few people I can say hi to at my son's school but there is no relationship. I am so glad to have found Mothering and this tribe. I really started to feel that there was something wrong with me.

Burke-a-bee, i could have written this exact post!! i moved to Virginia 5 years ago and have made NO friends. My son is not in school yet, but i say hello to several moms from library group, know their names..but it never goes past that. i have friends scattered across the country that i see about one a year, but no one hERE. i've been posting in the outcast forum, because i do feel like an outcast mama. i see all the other ladies making plans and getting together and i'm never included. All my attempts at friendship have been ignored, or i've been openly 'blown off'.
Thank goodness for online communities or i would go completely insane. i live in a very rural area, so i have to make an extra effort to get out of the house and be around other people. It is not uncommon for me to go weeks without any adult conversation besides my husband. i definitely feel like a freak or social outcast these days.

TurkeyGW, you are not alone mama. i too am Friendless and lonely.

ilovelily 08-31-2005 04:47 PM

Hi and to all. I saw this thread and just had to post because this is so me, especially how I'm feeling today.

I just moved out of the country for DH's job. Left behind two friends -- and it took me literally six years to make those two friends. Now I'm back where I started. I think loneliness is one of the worst feelings. When I go to the park I try to talk to people but sometimes I just feel invisible!! I don't know why... people can be so casually cruel sometimes.

What I always struggle with is how to turn an "acquaintance" into a real friend. I guess it takes time but some people seem to do it so much more easily.

Ah well. At least I feel connected to someone typing this. That's a start, right?

Theloose 08-31-2005 04:58 PM

Hi, I'm with you in spirit... I have a great group of friends from hs that I'm around now, but I spent the last couple of years in a town where I had no one besides dh, and he was busy all the time with grad school. And now it looks like we might be moving back...

So this probably isn't the right place to ask :LOL, but what are some good ways of meeting people/making friends? I'm pretty quiet and shy when I'm in a new situation, so going up to random people in a public place is out..

Any ideas?

MomBirthmomStepmom 08-31-2005 04:59 PM

I'm very lonely here.

Last October, dd and I moved 3000 miles to be with SO. I left *all* of my family, and everyone I ever knew behind.

Here, I know SO, and SO's family I like them, don't get me wrong, but they're not friends... I can't call them and complain about SO or being a step-mom etc...

I knew one other mama who lived in town, but she moved to Texas (we're in CA), a few months back

I'm trying so hard to talk with neighbors, and just make friends anywhere, but it's hard. We did have this young couple who lived beneath us and had a baby in May. We were getting close, but their relationship had issues, and they moved. We exchanged numbers, but don't keep in touch

I have you ladies, and feel lucky to have you all, but in-person friends would feel so great...

freakyspice 08-31-2005 06:50 PM

I haven't made a new "real" friend since I married DH 7 years ago. For the first several years we were married we lived in a city with a community we loved, then we moved away. I really didn't need any friends because DH is my best friend. I still keep in touch with people via occasional e-mail, but I'm afraid I've lost the ability to make a new friend since I haven't done it in so long!

kewb 08-31-2005 09:28 PM

Signing up. We moved here 7 years ago and where I have a few moms I know casually from the kids I would not call them friends. I have a couple of friends from where we used to live that I speak with a couple of times a year and through email. I have no one to hang out with. I work full time out of the house and then I come home spend time with the kids and go to bed.

Geeze, I need some friends to go out with.

elmama 08-31-2005 09:42 PM

Hi all,

Ok, I am not really advocating stalking. But here is how I recently made one potentially very good friend. THis might be a bit tricky for the shy people.

So I had noticed this one mama around my little town for a couple of years. (Libray, swimming pool, parks) YOu all know you have to go to these places to meet people right? YOu know how you can just tell that you might like somebody? Well I thought we might hit it off but I never had the guts to talk to her.

Until One day I saw her with her kids in a stroller at the library. I had to run because I had to pick up a friend's babe. But after I picked her up, I decided to track down this potential friend and finally meet her. SO I thought to myself, Where would a mama go on foot from the library in the am with two children. Aha! The coffee shop down the street. WOuldn't ya know. As I drove up she was walking in the door.

I hustled the kids out of the car, did a fast walk to the coffee shop, and slid behind her in line. IT turns out, she offered to hold my infant while I tended to the older children. We chatted about our little ones and how long we'd lived in the area, and if we stayed at home or not, and if we liked it, and what we did before kids, and man these little ones are driving me nuts today...and you get the picture. I ended up leaving with her number and she with mine. It has been a couple weeks and we have hung out 3 times. She has introduced me to several of her friends in the area. We have lots in common and I know she will be a friend for life.

Moral of the story:

Stalking works. Just kidding. Moral of the story is that sometimes taking a chance pays off. What is the worst thing that can happen. She/he will laugh in your face when you ask for the #? MOre likely they just won't call you back if they don't want to be friends. Oh, well. Try again with someone else. There are enough people respodingg to this thread that i imagine there are many many people who want you as their frind out there!

gentlebirthmothr 09-01-2005 12:22 AM

Hi,

I'm in the same boat as all of you expect really don't have any real friends so far in my life, its a long story and not a mom yet, see my signature for more of what I said about this.

Thank you.

frowningfrog 09-01-2005 10:47 AM

well I would like to say that it is a pleasure to meet all of you and I look forward to getting to know you all as well.
It is hard for me to get out and make new friends. I had a very bad year for health and have hardly left the house. I'd say i go out once a week if that, and that has been for a year.
To reveal a little about me, I had my 1 yr old last yr in july, one wk later i hemeraged severly and was very close to death as the doc said. They are not really positive what caused it but they gave me iv antibiotics just in case of infection,and an emergency D&C. I had huge blood clots form in my uterous and had they not given way then i would have died that night in my sleep from internal bleeding.
since then i have had nothing but health issues. I am dizzy daily not all day but at some points during the day say if i had done to much. I still get very tired, and my periods, forget it im sick the whole time, and i was bleeding very heavily till they put me on a high dose estrogen pill and that helps with bleeding control.
So not only did i lose touch with my wonderful friends I havent had much chance to make more.

I would love to know more about you all. there is more to me of corse but i fear ill just keep going on
My fiance and I are two different people, we have some similar interests but he is the type that Im surprised knows what a book looks like :LOL ,and I am very much into reading and making crafts. we meet in the middle i guess
I welcome private messages, I am very so I prolly wouldnt initiate..

~*max*~ 09-01-2005 02:02 PM

Hi mamas. This tribe describes me as well. I have one very dear friend, my best friend from growing up, but she lives about an hour away and I do not get to see her nearly enough. Then I have several friends who are more acquaintance type friends, who I met through my various activities w/the kids. But that closeness is just not there. I am an introvert at heart, and really need to work to be outgoing & social. I think people may view me as uptight, which I probably am. Also, dh & I are very family oriented, and do not have a lot of extra time. What free time we do have we prefer to spend w/family. Sometimes getting together w/others can be a lot of extra work - finding sitters, cooking, cleaning, juggling schedules. But usually when we do, we are very glad that we did. We just need to make ourselves do it.

Thanks for starting this tribe. It will be nice to talk w/others in the same boat.

avivaelona 09-01-2005 07:47 PM

I have a few really good friends but they all live far away now. I moved to MA four years ago but for various reasons I'm only just now getting out and trying to meet people. I have been meeting quite a few but I have a hard time making that leap from acquaintance to friend. I wish I knew why! Maybe I'm just too odd I swear though sometimes I just wish someone would be really mean and nasty and just TELL me what the problem is, everyone I've ever asked (mostly good friends) thinks I should have no problem making friends, apparently its all just coincidental? I sort of doubt that! Lol. Oh well, glad to meet all you friendless moms, its nice to know we aren't alone I guess.

kbridi 09-01-2005 07:59 PM

This is a tribe for me. I don't have any friends right now. Actually, I have one, but she's atleast an hour away and doesn't have any kids, so she can't relate. I have a lot of acquantiences (sp) and superficial relationships with people I meet at playdates, the park, moms groups, but no one I can really share with or call if I need a friend. It's not like I havent' been trying, either. I go out and meet people and attend tons of things for ds so I can meet other moms. I have some 'friends' from work who just had kids, but they are far away. It's depressing to sit here an write this, but I'm finally admitting it. I'm friendless.

I must say, I've met some wonderful moms from mdc IRL so, hopefully those relationships will amount to deeper friendships, but who knows. I also don't want these other women to think I'm pathetic or something....It's like dating and looking for a husband!

I would just love to have a girlfriend I could hang out with -- even just one!

Nice to meet you all. Thanks for starting the thread.

reiterin 09-01-2005 09:47 PM

Yep, this is just like me. I'm so shy that it's very hard to meet people. And I'm so bad at keeping in touch with the friends I do have, that I tend to lose them... I don't have any mommy friends IRL at all, which sux.

Good thread. Makes me feel... not so alone.

frowningfrog 09-01-2005 10:13 PM

avivaelona::::
I to live in Mass. I have lives here all my life i just lost touch with my pack.
we just moved to a new town and the neighbors look at us like we are freaks :LOL . I miss my old neighborhood, we knew everyone on the street, and they were all sad to see us go , but circumstances beyond our control moved us here.


elmama:::
great job on the stalking :LOL ..i bet she was totally unsuspecting. thats great you have made a friend..se it does pay off sometimes to be a "stalker"..
I wish your new friendship well.


mercurysky 09-02-2005 02:29 PM

i am in the same boat as well. I moved to be with my husband 13 hours away from family and friends. I am some what shy, and VERY opinionated? I guess that could be the word. And very selective with friends. I used to work retail, so a lot of the people I would encounter at work were big partiers down by the college. not my cup of tea. I did my fair share of drinking also, but at that stage in my life, i didnt want to hear about the weekends binge all week long. My husband is the "everyones best friend' type of person, so I kind of just adopted some of his friends. Then we transfered with work, and now its me, my son, and my husband. I volunteered about 30 hours a week at the local animal shelter hoping to find friends, but none of them wanted friends, just do what they had to do and leave. Now I am looking for new mom groups/play groups in my area to join. I have one friend in this town who is a mom also, but has TOTALLY diff mothering style than me, and she is pulling away lately. HI EVERYONE!! lets all PM each other or trade im names@!

tyedyedeyes 09-02-2005 03:35 PM

Greetings and salutations to all my lonely sistahs out there. Ah, woe is me...i'm in the same boat as all of you...you know, the one at the bottom of the lake? :LOL

Anywhoodle, I've had a couple of good friends throughout my life. I've had one BEST friend since I was oh, I think we were 11 or something. Met in Girl Scout Camp. My best friend actually introduced me to MDC, (THANK YOU!) and other than that, I have another girlfriend that I've known for about 4 years now, but she's off at college so I only get to see her once or twice a year. Other than that, all of my "friends" dissappeared when I became a mom and wife. My sister is my other closest friend, and her SO is a good guy too. I have a guy friend that all he wants to do is party on the weekends (single, no kids), so I usually just end up chatting with him on the phone once a week. Not a big partier anymore...that stage of my life has ended. I have a couple of acquaintences I talk to about every 6 or 8 months from my last job, but again, they just want to meet up and drink. So yeah, I know where all of you mamas are coming from!

Let's be lonely together.

~Kate

oetien 09-02-2005 04:40 PM

I have no friends....
Seems like I can't find anyone I can really relate to.
I used to have bestfriends until I moved, then quit school, then got married, then got pregnant..
I guess most people, especially my age, don't do what I do. I don't know!

MomBirthmomStepmom 09-02-2005 05:53 PM

Well all, I'm trying!!!

I had a best friend, I met her when we were about 6 or 7, and we were close up until last year, when I moved. My number had changed (area code change), and we were in the process of moving to a new apartment (moved 3000 miles away, then within a month moved to a different apartment), and in all the hub-bub, lost touch with her. I tried contacting her after things settled, but her number had changed too, and I lost her

Today is her birthday, and she is on my mind, so I'm tracking her down!! lol Or trying to anyway.

I called the place where she worked when I moved, and she no longer worked there. I then called the place she was considering trasferring to (same company), and she didn't work there either.

I have no personal number for her, but found a number listed for her parents (she lived with them last I talked to her, but was considering moving out). So, I called and left a message for her, and hope someone can give me some kind of info.

I know it's not a local friend I can hang out with, but it's someone I could call and talk to... A friend...

I'm trying slowly.... Wish me luck!!!

burke-a-bee 09-02-2005 05:54 PM

Okay, I couple of you are from Mass. You should get together!


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