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atheist/agnostic tribe

67K views 698 replies 186 participants last post by  Earthyone 
#1 ·
Welcome back!

Welcome to the new atheist tribe!

We have removed the last tribe thread because of multiple User Agreement violations. I deleted the OPs post above so I could use the same URL (this way everyone could find the thread easier). I could not remove the post completely or it would delete the whole thread.

The atheist tribe is great place to discuss many issues:

  • Handling holidays
  • Raising your kids in an atheist home
  • Talking with family and friends
  • You're atheist, your spouse is not

If you would like to talk about religious or spiritual issues, please post those discussions in our Religious Studies forum. Keep in mind that Mothering respects all members' rights to practice religions that feel right for them, just as we respect the rights of members not to follow or believe in religions or common beliefs.

Please remember the stated purpose of the Finding Your Tribe forum:

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Though Finding Your Tribe was originally opened to help parents find each other based on their location we have welcomed tribe threads for parents of a like-minded path to meet and chit chat with one another. However, such threads should not take a focus of discussion for a topic that is hosted in an existing forum at MDC.

A natural course of chit chat discussion might carry you into discussing your daily lives and sharing events and struggles. But focused discussion of a parenting topic, a breastfeeding issue or problem, an activist or political issue, a religious concern or belief, just to name a few, should go to the appropriate forum for discussion with the larger MDC community. If you have any question in this regard feel free to check with the moderators before posting. Should you post or thread not be appropriate for FYT on this basis it may be moved to the appropriate forum.

To that end, please feel free to start a new thread that discusses everyday life and general chat about life when one is an atheist. Some examples of this would be how to handle holidays, how to explain differences in religious beliefs to children, how to interact with relatives. Focused religious discussion, including critical posts about other belief systems belong in religious studies.

Focused religious discussion, including critical posts about other belief systems belong in religious studies.All posts in religious studies must adhere both to the User Agreement and the religious studies guidelines.

Please note that there is no place on MDC where it is acceptable to speak disrespectfully of another faith. The User Agreement states:

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We do not tolerate any type of discrimination in the discussions, including but not limited to racism, heterosexism, classism, religious bigotry, or discrimination toward the disabled. We will not host discussions that involve explicit sexual references and are cautious about discussions on volatile topics such as abortion, religion, and race.

and

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Do not post in a disrespectful, defamatory, adversarial, baiting, harassing, offensive, insultingly sarcastic or otherwise improper manner, toward a member or other individual, including casting of suspicion upon a person, invasion of privacy, humiliation, demeaning criticism, name-calling, personal attack, or in any way which violates the law.

If you have any questions about this, please PM one of the FYT mods or admins rather than discussing it in a thread.
 
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#252 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by teale View Post
Can I join? I'm agnostic, leaning towards atheism. I just haven't found the time to make up my mind

You can be both. An agnostic atheist is just somebody who doesn't belief in god but doesn't know for sure that god doesn't exist (so, pretty much everybody is agnostic to some degree).

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The only issue that we've run into is Christmas, and I seem to be fighting a losing battle on that one. I'll keep working on it though :p
Are you fighting for or against celebrating Christmas?
 
#253 ·
Ugh-ran into an uncomfortable situation at school with my daughter's classmates teh other day. I was sitting outside one of her sister's classes, when her class was walking back to their room. I've done a lot of volunteer work with her class so they all know who I am and two girls at the end of the line walked past me and ask me if my daughter was a christian. This blew my mind, these girls are 7, maybe 8 years old. She had a lot of problems at her school last year with some girls bullying her about not being christian, but we're at a different school this year and she has not dealt with this to my knowledge. So after picking my jaw off the floor after these girls asked me this, I said to them "what did you say?" I was sure I'd misunderstood them and they said that they'd asked her and she said she wasn't. I told them that was their answer then and they went into their class. She's not close to either one of these girls and luckily this year she's in a montessori school so a lot of the families are open minded like us. I'm glad that it didn't bother her and she felt strong enough to stand up to these girls unlike last year where it just tormented her to deal with these kinds of situations. It still made me sad that she even had to deal with it. We are deep in the south and its just such a big freakin' deal here. I wish I'd had some witty reply to those girls the second they asked me that. I was so shocked though. Things like this always remind me that there are people who spend the majority of their lives in a church and just don't get that everyone else doesn't do that.
 
#255 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Theoretica View Post
Yowzer. I am really glad we homeschool DD, how infuriating. Bullied by Christians...the irony.....

We HS and this happens to us ALL the time.

In fact, I was on my way into the gym a few days ago with 5 of my kids, and got stopped by a man who demanded to know if we were Pentecostal. I knew where he was going with this, and felt sorry for him as he was about 85 years old (I know it isn't right to treat people gingerly just because they're old...but still)...

I told him, no, I'm not, and he asked if we must homeschool, since we're on our way into the gym in the early morning, and I said yes, we do. He said something else that indicated we must be Christian...

Sigh. It wasn't worth fighting about. I honestly don't know what to do about these kinds of folks. I got stopped last week in Safeway because one of the guys in the bakery dept thought we "looked like their kind of people." (Turns out he's husband to a preaching homeschooling mother). Yipes.

I just keep smiling.


FWIW, though,, and not to start any arguments...my best friend is LDS and her daughter often spends the night with us. We play a lot of games, and one of them is "The Da Vinci Game." It had a question the other day about how many people lived on Earth during the time of Christ, and of course the LDS version of history is different...I was thrown, we put the question out and went with a different one.

I'd like some sane references to LDS lore, but I also don't want to preach atheism at her daughter, any more than I want her to preach at my kids. It's a really hard row to hoe, being non-religious.

love,
penelope
 
#256 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by hollyvangogh View Post
You can be both. An agnostic atheist is just somebody who doesn't belief in god but doesn't know for sure that god doesn't exist (so, pretty much everybody is agnostic to some degree).

Are you fighting for or against celebrating Christmas?

I'd like to steer away from it. Not just for the Christian aspect of it, but because of how commercial it has become, even among our families. DH argues that since both our respective families celebrate, we'd have a long battle ahead, and many lines to draw. Of course, some hurt feelings, no doubt.
 
#257 ·
Quote:
I'd like some sane references to LDS lore, but I also don't want to preach atheism at her daughter, any more than I want her to preach at my kids. It's a really hard row to hoe, being non-religious.
Forgive the double post.

What sort of information are you looking for? It seems there are a few of us who are "post" mormons and mignt be able to help you out there.

Though, a lot of their "lore" is not sane, and it's hard to digest, even with an open mind.
 
#258 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by teale View Post

Though, a lot of their "lore" is not sane, and it's hard to digest, even with an open mind.
:

But...we might need to be careful what we say on MDC especially since this thread isn't in the religious studies forum. Can't speak for the other post-Mormon mamas but I'm happy to reply to PM and e-mail. I also have a blog on the topic.
 
#259 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by hollyvangogh View Post
:

But...we might need to be careful what we say on MDC especially since this thread isn't in the religious studies forum. Can't speak for the other post-Mormon mamas but I'm happy to reply to PM and e-mail. I also have a blog on the topic.
Yup. That's why I'm hesitant to start a new ex-mo tribe. It's hard to talk about at all without ruffling feathers... which is a bummer. Oh well.
 
#260 ·
I don't know where stepping over the line will be here...so I will just happily read the blogs and other info put out there by post-LDS people. My best friend (whose husband became a bishop this last year) is honestly a truly intelligent person, and I don't understand why she really believes all these stories.

If not the "why" then I hope to find out the "what" of what they truly believe. Knowledge is power, right?



love, p
 
#261 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by spruce View Post
If not the "why" then I hope to find out the "what" of what they truly believe. Knowledge is power, right?
There are plenty of very good resources online that can answer your questions. If you're curious, PM me.


As to your "Da Vinci Game" situation with the neighbor girl... I was LDS for 30 years and I don't think I would ever have been able to answer that question. I still can't guess how many people were on the planet 2000 years ago. Can I use a lifeline?
LOL
 
#262 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Contrariety View Post
Yup. That's why I'm hesitant to start a new ex-mo tribe. It's hard to talk about at all without ruffling feathers... which is a bummer. Oh well.

It's too bad. Much like other religions need to gather together for support, I think it would be nice to have support from those who have BTDT in terms of leaving the mormon church.

There are a lot of amazing resources on the net if you are looking for "what" they actually believe. It can be hard to filter through because there are a lot of bitter ex-mo's out there that have sort of twisted the beliefs. For what reason, I'm not sure, but it can be hard to find the "real" information.
 
#263 ·
Can I join?

Maybe i have before, haha, but have the worst memory *ever* and forgot.

I'm an atheist - new to it as of around July 08. I was raised super christian and raised DD5 that way as well, so you know, she still believes. I refuse to pop her bubble though - esp. since I got divorced last year as well...that's a lot for a kid. We've stopped taking her to church and egging it on though...and when she asks about god, I'm honest with my beliefs (in an gentle, age appropriate way). Xdh supports me as he leans towards the agnostic side. My parents are another story
.

Anyway, I just got married on the 18th to my wonderful DH (who just so happens to be an ex-mormon, now atheist, which apparently is popular? lol)

So yeah! hello
 
#264 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by beansmama View Post
Can I join?

Maybe i have before, haha, but have the worst memory *ever* and forgot.

I'm an atheist - new to it as of around July 08. I was raised super christian and raised DD5 that way as well, so you know, she still believes. I refuse to pop her bubble though - esp. since I got divorced last year as well...that's a lot for a kid. We've stopped taking her to church and egging it on though...and when she asks about god, I'm honest with my beliefs (in an gentle, age appropriate way). Xdh supports me as he leans towards the agnostic side. My parents are another story
.

Anyway, I just got married on the 18th to my wonderful DH (who just so happens to be an ex-mormon, now atheist, which apparently is popular? lol)

So yeah! hello


Welcome!


How are you enjoying married life?
:
 
#266 ·
If you start a post-LDS thread in Spirituality it will be ok I'm sure. I can start one if you'd like? I'm not post-LDS, I'm post-fundamentalist though. Similar concept. Different details. Same jello at the potlucks


Does anyone else here go to church on Sundays? I enjoy going, we head to our local UU church that is very atheist friendly so it's really nice to find 20+ people that think like you in a world of religious folk. Plus I love having a place for my kids to be comfortable in their own skin.
 
#267 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Theoretica View Post
If you start a post-LDS thread in Spirituality it will be ok I'm sure. I can start one if you'd like? I'm not post-LDS, I'm post-fundamentalist though. Similar concept. Different details. Same jello at the potlucks


Does anyone else here go to church on Sundays? I enjoy going, we head to our local UU church that is very atheist friendly so it's really nice to find 20+ people that think like you in a world of religious folk. Plus I love having a place for my kids to be comfortable in their own skin.
We've contemplated going to the UU, even the Buddhist church here, but I think we're going to stay away from organized religion as a whole. Sundays are generally our "family" day, and since we have so much going on during the week, it's nice to have one day where we hang out at home.

UU was an interesting concept though!
 
#268 ·
Married life is great, thanks


So I want to know more about UU church? There is one in Eugene, and apparently Eugene is pretty non-religious...i'm wondering how many other atheist/agnostic families would be there?

I'm not sure if I could deal with being preached to...I REALLY don't want to waste my time listening to mythology...how do the services usually go?

I think it would be nice to meet like minded people though...and good socialization for my kiddo


What about tithes? Do they have tithes? I'm just wondering how "christian" UU actually is?

TIA
 
#269 ·
Most UUs really try to embrace the RITUAL of community religious/cultural practices without utilizing the creedal dogma. Today during 'sermon time', for lack of a better term, he took questions that were put in the collection basket (he had asked for them ahead of time). One was 'what is the UU belief on heaven and hell' and he said well, we sure don't study THAT in seminary, we study how to help YOU find YOUR belief, whether or not it includes heaven or hell or just nothing. He pointed out that what we KNOW for a fact is that if you are a good person in life, you will be remembered that way after death. If you are a jerk...well....there ya go. So in that sense he pointed out that's an eternal memory that will get passed to others, do you want to be remembered well, or do you want everyone to be glad you kicked the bucket? Food for thought LOL

Then he shared HIS belief in reincarnation and asked one of our members to share their belief in reality being an illusion (Buddhist) and asked an atheist member to share their belief (this is it, after this is nothing for everyone and that's ok). He did not say 'we don't know the right answer' but he DID say we all possess our own right answers. He did briefly get onto a tangent about heaven and hell and whether or not it applies to aliens (if there are any) because it's a specifically earth centered and christianesque belief, and he quoted star wars, which is a running joke in our congregation that whenever you get too far off course a good star wars quote makes it all worth it.

FWIW our minister (interim) is gay and a practicing Hindu.

Another question was if UUs are just liberal christians, or if UU is even a religion. He said wellllllll, it's not my job to define that for you, it's my job to help you define that for yourself and THAT is the right answer...so by show of hands how many people here think UU is a liberal christian belief system. NO ONE raised their hand. Then he asked if we thought UU was a religion at all, raise your hand. Again, no one.

Keep in mind I'm in a really conservative area of the country...mostly christian. So this is a big deal to find people that are comfortable walking away from religion. And it's an even bigger deal for my kids to have a community of families and kids that welcome them the way they are, that are ok with atheist tshirts and scientific discussion during service. You should see the bumper stickers in the lot for this group....absolutely hilarious!

We celebrate the seasons/earth and quote scientists, peace activists, people who happen to have religion and people who dont. And it's a great venue for us to find social justice causes to focus our energy towards. When everyone around you is a christian, it's nice to just have a place to go to be around like minded folks. We joke that we meet on Sunday mornings because that's when the donuts are on sale


As for tithes...ummm no way! We have a pledge drive though to raise money to fund our building and programs, but it's all 100% transparent and the congregation knows where every dime is spent. It's made clear no one is at ALL obligated to offer any money nor is there any discussion of money that is 'owed to god' or any nonsense like that. It's just a community effort to make it work, if someone can't or doesn't want to contribute, it's a non issue.

We're really laid back LOL There was one sunday someone played the accordion during the meditation moment, and instead of meditating people started clapping and before you could blink a polka dance broke out. People are moving chairs and clapping and stomping feet yelling Opa! (don't know how greek meshed in....but anywhoo) and the minister said this was proof they (the trained ministers) don't genuinely have control over anything...LOL Now when we greet each other at the beginning, half the time he just goes to sit down for a few minutes because people just do their own thing LOL

There is structure to the service, and some is serious time for contemplation. But it's just awesome to feel 'not alone' in this sea of religion...to find a place where we can just relax and be US...happy atheist people!

Sorry for the book...

ETA: This Link is the newcomer questions to the UU in Eugene, from reading it that's pretty much what ours says too. HTH!
 
#270 ·
DH and I briefly considered attending a UU fellowship, but neither of us really craves the kind of social interaction or structured community that a church provides. There is a local Post-Mormon group here that we'd love to hang out with (we are in an online chat group with many of them), but so far haven't really felt drawn to that either, for similar reasons. The "forced socialization" of our religious upbringing kind of turned us off to wanting or needing that. Sunday is our family time, too, and for once it's nice to not have meetings, appointments and obligations. But I do think UU might be a fun way to teach kids about the world's many angles to mythology and belief systems, and at least expose them to various religions without indoctrinating them to any specific one, so that they can come to their own conclusions and make that choice for themselves. (DH and I were both born into a specific faith system, but were never allowed to "choose" one for ourselves, so we want to break that cycle with our own kids.)
 
#271 ·
ITA, I think if I didn't have kids, I wouldn't feel pulled to that either. But, being in an area where the FIRST question is 'where do you go to church', it got a lot easier for them when they had an answer...*sigh*
 
#272 ·
I've always loved the idea of UU, one of my daughters even went to preschool at a UU church. The problem here is that the minister of the closest UU to our house is a former baptist minister and is still christian to some extent from what I've heard. I need to check into that further though. I've thought many Sundays that I'd like to at least check it out, but like someone else said, that's our family time and we are schedule is non-stop. I really enjoy having that one day to spend together hiking or other fun Sunday things.
 
#273 ·
Personally, I NEED forced socialization...or for me, it's just not gonna happen, lol. I'm not very social. I'm a sahm who doesn't drive...just moved to a new town...needless to say, I don't get out much!


Dh and I decided to check out our local UU church this Sunday - xdh usually has DD's on sunday, so more than likely, if we end up going to this church often dd wont come that much - until her dad moves closer...I WILL be picking her up later in the day on Sunday though (since it's mothers day), but I personally wanted to check out the UU church before taking her - just to check it out, and besides, there isn't kids "church" on mothers day...I doubt my 5 yo will be that interested in whatever the topic is...you know kids
 
#275 ·
HELLO MAMAS!
So glad I found this thread!
My "spiritual" leanings are Animist and Deep Ecology. You know: tree-hugging dirt-worshipper.
We attend the local UU Church. If you're looking for a respectful supportive community of educated people, I highly recommend checking them out. I find the UUs to have all the best parts of Church (community, social causes, yard sales) without any of the worst parts (judgement, damnation, bejeweled cups).
I did see Religulous and I laughed even though Bill Maher is a jerk.
We say Bleh shoo for sneezes.
We celebrate the seasons with a mix of cultural rituals and personal family traditions. We have removed the religious and consumerist elements as much as possible. We focus on feasting and family. Our favorites are Earth Day and Thanksgiving.
DH had to explain to his 90 yr old Nana why DS is not baptised. I think husbands should have to deal with their family, I didn't want to be the "bad guy" (is that a cop out?).
I would like to create our own holidays/traditions and am curious if any of you have made up original holidays for your families.
 
#276 ·
That's cute about the bleh shoo LOL

Have you seen Dane Cook's comedy show? When we're around our atheist friends we point and say NOTHING HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIEEEEEEE in his really goofy voice.

Gotta be there, it's hilarious LOL
 
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