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#61 of 182 Old 05-05-2008, 01:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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OK, I'm back!

Sarah, that sounds exciting but stressful. When will you have an idea what's happening?

Things here on going well. DH is the senior pastor now (I can't remember if I mentioned that before) and crazy busy. Even when there were two full-time pastors, they really needed another staff member--a visitation pastor, a Christian ed director, something--and now he's doing it all alone. And they haven't even started the call process yet!

Our big church news is that we're calling a congregational meeting to buy the house that's on the corner. If we get the house, we'll own the whole block. (My oldest says "Like Monopoly! And then we can tear down the church and build a hotel-- with a pool! ) DH is hoping to eventually build a gym.

I'm really ready for school to be done. I'm very tired. I don't know why I'm so tired all the time. I mean, I get that I'm busy and have 4 kids, but I just feel so exhausted, and like there's never a break. I actually have an appointment on Thursday for a physical.

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#62 of 182 Old 05-05-2008, 01:28 AM
 
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Can I join you?

I never saw this tribe before it got bumped today.

I'm not a pastor's wife--I'm the pastor! I am a solo pastor in the United Church of Christ (UCC). Ordained for 7 years, in my second call.

The issues are a little different managing being minister and mama, but similar!

Like the nursery worker complaining last week. We pipe sound from the service into the nursery for the workers. It freaked out DS--he could hear my voice, but not see me. He kept pointing at the speaker and crying. Once they turned it off, he was great. Totally reasonable 15 m/o behavior. But eliciting complaints nonetheless. What should I do, not preach anymore?

So, do I fit in here too?

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#63 of 182 Old 06-10-2008, 10:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
It's VBS week!!!!!


Just needed to vent.

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#64 of 182 Old 06-10-2008, 11:53 PM
 
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: I hear ya! We don't do VBS, but this weekend is our annual 3 day meeting, with people coming in from all over, tons of cooking to do and other preparations to make (I still don't know who all/how many are staying with us in our home!!), and cleaning, both at home and at the church!

Oh, and we are juuuuuust getting over pink eye!

pray for me, sisters!


Oh, and I never did update from my last post (#59):

It is still way up in the air, but it is starting to look very much like we might actually be moving!

Dh filled an appt as a visiting minister with the other church a couple weekends ago, and they have officially asked him to accept the call to pastor them.

He hasn't given them an answer yet, but if I know him at all, I'd say he is leaning in that direction. Wow....scary and exciting all at once!

He has a lot of praying and thinking to do, but since his secular job is with the school system, and since summer would be a perfect time to make a move, I'm mentally preparing myself for a whirl-wind summer! :

Trying to just imagine how much there is to do if we do end up moving, oh my gosh, it's mind-boggling!

We have been here, him pastoring this church, for nearly 10 years now! When we came, he was barely 22, we didn't have kids, and all our wordly belongings fit in the back of one 24-foot Uhaul, with room to spare! Now we have 4 kids.......need I say more? LOL!

Please keep us in your prayers; this is such a big decision. How do you know that it's time to leave a place? How do you know that your work is really done? I know that he's feeling a pull to this other place, but I also know it will be hard--for all of us--to leave this church.

And, once you've made the decision to leave, how do you do it? How do you tell your beloved friends and sisters in the church, how do you tell your kids, how do you make the break in a way that is gentle and kind to every side? I know that if God is in the matter, He will bless both sides (all three sides, really--us and each church involved), but it is still a daunting prospect, because I care SO deeply about all of these people!

And yet, I'm almost aquiver with excitement to see what the future has in store for us! :

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#65 of 182 Old 06-16-2008, 04:38 PM
 
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Annette-Our VBS was last week too and it was so crazy! I could hardly keep up with being 37 wks along.

Sarah-My hubby (yth minister) is trying to make the same decision as your's is. It's hard to know when it's time and I'd love to hear what some of our veterans clergy spouses have to say about it.
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#66 of 182 Old 06-19-2008, 12:13 PM
 
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The issues are a little different managing being minister and mama, but similar!

Like the nursery worker complaining last week. We pipe sound from the service into the nursery for the workers. It freaked out DS--he could hear my voice, but not see me. He kept pointing at the speaker and crying. Once they turned it off, he was great. Totally reasonable 15 m/o behavior. But eliciting complaints nonetheless. What should I do, not preach anymore?
Welcome! I'm a PK, not a PW!

Um, if the said nursery worker wants to hear you badly that enough that she complains about your child : then she shouldn't be working in the nursery, IMO. How can you hear anyway in a nursery w/multiple kids? I don't really pay attention in the cry room w/my one DD.

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Sarah-My hubby (yth minister) is trying to make the same decision as your's is. It's hard to know when it's time and I'd love to hear what some of our veterans clergy spouses have to say about it.
SheBear and BJen, I'm praying for you both, I know it's not easy deciding, even when it's a good situation all around.

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#67 of 182 Old 06-19-2008, 01:04 PM
 
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Maggirayne, thanks for the prayers! I truly appreciate it! You made me laugh....I've never heard anyone else call it a cry room before! That's what we call it, too! I always think of it as the place to take my kids if they are crying during service.....or if I get frustrated to the point of tears, LOL!

Family-integrated worship is wonderful and amazing, but it is HARD WORK!! Especially when you have a 6 yo, 4yo, 2yo and 6 mo, and no spouse to help, because he's doing the preaching! :

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#68 of 182 Old 09-03-2008, 12:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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because I found more of us!

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#69 of 182 Old 09-03-2008, 12:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, how's everyone doing? Things are getting back into full swing here. DH had the never-ending council meeting last night and this Sunday is Rally Day.

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#70 of 182 Old 09-03-2008, 07:01 PM
 
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So, how's everyone doing? Things are getting back into full swing here. DH had the never-ending council meeting last night and this Sunday is Rally Day.

This Sunday is our Rally Day, as well. And I have succumbed to the madness and agreed to be music director.
We as a synod are approaching a major restructuring. This means that on top of all of the normal meetings and insanity we have a whole other round.

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#71 of 182 Old 09-03-2008, 07:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Too funny! I'm taking on the children's choirs. I would have done it as a voluteer (shh, don't tell) but I'm getting $2,000 for it. How awesome is that?

Now, you're ELCA, right? Whereabouts, if you're comfortable telling? We're in PA.

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#72 of 182 Old 09-03-2008, 07:15 PM
 
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Too funny! I'm taking on the children's choirs. I would have done it as a voluteer (shh, don't tell) but I'm getting $2,000 for it. How awesome is that?

Now, you're ELCA, right? Whereabouts, if you're comfortable telling? We're in PA.
No- we're the other Lutherans- LCMS. Are you ELCA? We're in northern MN- the far north.
That's awesome that they will be paying you for that- I think more church workers need some compensation!

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#73 of 182 Old 09-03-2008, 07:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm Catholic. But yeah, DH is ELCA. I worked for an LCMS preschool before I had kids. They have great early childhood programs.

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#74 of 182 Old 09-03-2008, 07:28 PM
 
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I'm Catholic. But yeah, DH is ELCA. I worked for an LCMS preschool before I had kids. They have great early childhood programs.
So, how'd the Catholic marry an ELCA pastor? I'm very interested!

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#75 of 182 Old 09-03-2008, 07:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I didn't marry a pastor, I married a band director.

He didn't hear from God about being a pastor until we had been married four years.

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#76 of 182 Old 09-03-2008, 07:34 PM
 
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I didn't marry a pastor, I married a band director.

He didn't hear from God about being a pastor until we had been married four years.
Oh, yeah, that'll do it!
It sounds like you are in a big church- how many calls have you been through?

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#77 of 182 Old 09-03-2008, 07:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is our first. We've been here for six years. He started out as associate, but then the senior pastor was elected bishop and DH was voted in as senior. It's been crazy. It's a great church, even though I am not crazy about being so far from family.

What call is this for you?

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#78 of 182 Old 09-03-2008, 07:40 PM
 
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This is our first. We've been here for six years. He started out as associate, but then the senior pastor was elected bishop and DH was voted in as senior. It's been crazy. It's a great church, even though I am not crazy about being so far from family.

What call is this for you?
Call number one as well. We're coming off a one year vicarage.
Where is family? We've ended up far, as well- my dad is a pastor in TX.

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#79 of 182 Old 09-04-2008, 01:56 AM
 
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Family-integrated worship is wonderful and amazing, but it is HARD WORK!! Especially when you have a 6 yo, 4yo, 2yo and 6 mo, and no spouse to help, because he's doing the preaching! :
Yikes! I have to confess I am glad I'm not married to a pastor.
I am so glad my DH will take turns with me taking DD out.
Where in MN? I live just over in ND! And there's a new baby boutique in Fargo. Pout Baby Boutique is what it's called.
Totally OT!

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#80 of 182 Old 09-04-2008, 06:53 PM
 
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I've found this thread fascinating thus far

I'm not a pastor's wife yet... but my husband is currently going through the diaconate formation program to become a deacon with the Catholic church

I'm an ELCA convert as of 2001... though in high school there were many around me that thought I might just become a Lutheran pastor... turns out there were different plans

As a deacon within the Catholic church, dh wouldn't have all the responsibilities that the priest has, but he would do a lot more of the 'foot work' that goes into serving the parishoners. There's a lot more I could expand upon, but I'm not sure I'd have the time to do so since just the youngest (2.5) is taking her nap, but her older sisters (4.5, 6.5) are fighting a bit

He doesn't have the 'job' right now (and even when he is ordained a deacon, it's just a 'side' position and he'll still work in the 'real world) but it's already a bit of a time committment. He has classes one weekend per month. The classes begin Friday evening and last through mid-afternoon on Sunday.... and the classes are 2.5 hours away. It's a bit of a financial burden as well since gas is atrocious, we only have one vehicle (so he takes it, obviously, which leaves us with no vehicle all weekend), he (ha.. we!) pays for his books and then of course there's the time commitment of studying/reading in preparation for his next class and then the essays/finals that he has to complete after classes!

For now, I am enjoying having him in the pews with us (except weekends that he's gone for class), but I am a bit nervous about when he'll be there to assist in the mass and I'll be alone! (I will clarify and say that 'alone' isn't really true... MIL will be there.... and plenty of aunts/uncles of dh's.. and he's got cousins there too ).

So, I'm not really a clergy spouse yet.. but, if all goes according to plan, I will be in about 3.5 years!

Judy, wife to my Catholic deacon husband ... homeschooling mother to my four girls, a boy, and someone new in May '15! Forever remembering our loss (8/11) .
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#81 of 182 Old 09-04-2008, 07:07 PM
 
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i'm not a clergy wife, but my husband works for the catholic church. he works with 36 parishes in our state helping pastors form working pastoral councils of laypeople. he is also in graduate school for pastoral ministry through a diocesan program. i get frustrated because i constantly feel that the people he works with forget that he has a family. the priests don't have much concept of his at-home responsibilities, and of the 15 or so people in his department, he's the only one with kids younger than high school age. we also struggle financially--we're not destitute, but the lay positions do not pay well, and unless you're a deacon, there are no opportunities for housing assistance or anything similar, and many of the folks who he works with have spouses who work as well, so their social activity abilities are much more plentiful (we just can't afford for him to go out to dinner all the time). thankfully, i married him knowing that he'd do this kind of work, and we both knew what his pay scale would be, but it is challenging for me--that we need to support him as a family, and be alright with rarely having weekends with him and not seeing him many evenings, but that we struggle financially so much AND that dd and i are never welcome at events. there are times when i wish he was a pastor of another denomination or deacon, just so we could be involved in his life. it is challenging. it is also tough for him because his coworkers are scattered throughout the state, so he doesn't have many colleagues, much less young people. most are almost-retirement-aged women. nice ladies, some burnt out, but none at the point that we are.

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#82 of 182 Old 09-04-2008, 08:42 PM
 
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Woo Hoo! I am so glad I found this thread!!

DH is a part-time pastor at a non-denominational church (probably closest to Baptist). He has been at this church for six years. He has a master's in Biblical Studies but has a hard time finding churches because he was divorced. He also works part-time as a professor of history and humanities.

Now that we have a son, I really, really want to SAH but am unable b/c with two part-time jobs DH has no benefits and I have to work for insurance (and for additional income).

Our current church is very very small with a very elderly congregation. After repeated attempts to increase attendance, the church is simply not growing. The nice thing about our current congregation is they expect nothing from me. I wear jeans and flip flops to church and since the baby I usually walk in during the first song and I leave early from the fellowship time (which is every Sunday).

DH is currently looking for a full-time pastorship so I can be a SAHM. The problem is any other church is going to have high expectations of me (as it seems you all have experienced). I am an introvert who shies away from social situations and have no heart for hospitality. In fact, I HATE having people over to our house. I am somewhat surprised in the application process, how interested the churches are in ME.

I am excited to go to a church though where there are others my age and other mothers. I definitely want to be involved in the church but as a member and without any additional expectations. I am also nervous about possibly going to a church where my parenting decisions are not accepted. What would I do if DH was called to a Church that taught Babywise!?!?!? YIKES!

This thread is exactly what I need right now as I am trying to prepare my self for being a "real pastor's wife."

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#83 of 182 Old 09-05-2008, 06:03 PM
 
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Hi! Another ELCA pastor's wife, here. My DH is an associate in his first call... We've been here almost 4 years. I also went to seminary and am all-but-ordained... Just decided it was too much to have 2 pastors in the house at once, LOL! Seriously, I stayed home to be with the kids and I love it.

So nice to meet other clergy-wives here!
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#84 of 182 Old 09-05-2008, 06:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It makes me happy to see this thread going again!

My DH has off on Friday, which makes homeschooling on Fridays really hard. Anyone else deal with this?

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#85 of 182 Old 09-06-2008, 10:39 PM
 
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It makes me happy to see this thread going again!

My DH has off on Friday, which makes homeschooling on Fridays really hard. Anyone else deal with this?
We do. Especially since Friday is also the run into the big town to shop day. We take it off, as well as Saturday, then do homeschooling Sunday afternoon while DH is teaching catechesis and the youth.

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#86 of 182 Old 09-07-2008, 10:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'd never thought of Sundays. I think the kids would rebel. We end up back at church around 4 for choir and then stay for dinner with the youth group.

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#87 of 182 Old 09-07-2008, 01:36 PM
 
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I'd never thought of Sundays. I think the kids would rebel. We end up back at church around 4 for choir and then stay for dinner with the youth group.
My DH takes Thursdays off. He actually does the teaching on Thursday mornings to give me a break and do some Christian-ed with Sam. He's great that way...then we usually do some fun field trip in the afternoons and have fun together. I don't know if your dh would want to do something like that, but it's working well for us right now.
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#88 of 182 Old 09-11-2008, 01:06 AM
 
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My DH takes Thursdays off. He actually does the teaching on Thursday mornings to give me a break and do some Christian-ed with Sam. He's great that way...then we usually do some fun field trip in the afternoons and have fun together. I don't know if your dh would want to do something like that, but it's working well for us right now.
Your DH teaches Christian Ed to the kids? So far it's been left up to me, and I'm wondering how that works in everyone's families.

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#89 of 182 Old 09-11-2008, 02:25 PM
 
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An Open Letter to Sister Out-Of-Line:

Dear Sister,

Please do not ever again attempt to undermine my parenting decisions in front of my children. Particularly not when I'm. Standing. Right. There.

I promise you this: I will not just let it go.

Also? Do not grab my daughter by the arm and yank her in the other direction when she is going to sit down where I told her to sit! In fact, don't grab her, period. Seeing my daughter flinch away from your hurtful fingers brings out my Inner Bear, and that's when things are going to turn ugly really fast...let's just not even go there.

If you don't think she should sit where I have told her to sit, then you have ONE acceptable option: tell ME. Preferably in a non-rude way, in a private setting, but I'll leave those details to you. After you have told me, I will consider your words, and then dh and I will decide what WE think is best. Not you. You had your chance to raise your own kids (and we won't even get into how well you did based on outcomes ) but you do not have permission to make parenting decisions for my children. Ever. Non-negotiable.

You don't have to like me, or agree with me, or even respect me. I could care less--I'm not seeking your approval (perhaps that's what bothers you?). But you DO have to respect my God-given authority to make parenting decisions for my child. Which means you need to back off. Now.

That is all.

Sincerely,

Your Friendly Pastor's Wife

PS....also not a good idea to tell me after the service that "I just don't understand why you won't let your lovely daughter sit with you in church, because she needs to be with her mother, and you need to commit to keeping her beside you in church, and I'm just so concerned about you missing out on that special closeness......." Respectfully, Bullcrap. You don't have a clue about which you speak.

1) my daughter is always welcome to sit with me in church.
2) she is also welcome to sit with Sister B (older lady who is like a gma to my kids).
3) Sister B enjoys having Maggie sit beside her, and it is a great help to me since I am dealing with an infant and a potty-learning 2yo, and since I can't rely on help from my husband during services.
4) my husband and I have made GREAT sacrifices in lifestyle so that I can stay home and raise my kids 7 days a week. OTOH, when your sons were children, you chose to have a high-stress career and pretty much--as you have told me yourself, numerous times--let your MIL raise your kids. Now, I'm not going to judge your choice, because it's none of my business. But I think perhaps you should think twice before you insinuate that I don't spend enough time, or enough quality time, with my children.
5) whether my daughter sits with me or with Sister B, it is NOT your business. So stay out of it. Simple, n'est-ce pas?
6) my children get all of me, every day of the week. The special priviledge of sitting with Sister B during church does not equate with me neglecting the physical, emotional or spiritual needs of my daughter. When you get a chance, look up the word "preposterous."
7) do not EVER question my devotion to my children. Just. Don't.

Sarah, Queen of Hearts, raising a Full House with Michael, King of my Heart!
DS (2/02), DD (3/04), DS (1/06), DD (12/07), and DS (3/10)
~~*~~Not your typical Pastor's Wife!~~*~~
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#90 of 182 Old 09-12-2008, 09:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Whoa, Sarah. That is over-the-top intense. I think I would really, really lose it. You doing OK?

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