Women of Color #12 - Page 11 - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-13-2008, 08:12 AM
 
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How old is your son? Are you experiencing post partum hair loss. I thought that it was a myth, but my hair did shed a lot for about a week or so.
My son is 15 months old. I did lose lots of hair in the beginning, but I'm still shedding and my hair is tangly and brittle. It changed so much after I had him. I guess it's just a combination of natural changes and the fact that I haven't been as good to my hair as I was pre-pregnancy...It also grew really fast when I was pregnant, which made it much harder to care for after pregnancy.
And the things that I used on my hair just don't seem to work like they used to.

Sheila, mother to William and Min Hee, wife of David
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Old 08-13-2008, 02:33 PM
 
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It actually only takes me 5-10 minutes to comb it out. I do a conditioner wash daily in the shower and shampoo (or do ACV/water) about twice a week due to my workouts (and sweating). That takes about 8 minutes.

Listen to oyinmama. She knows her stuff!
I have been meaning to pm Oyinmama to ask her more questions since I hear that she has the inside scoop on good products!

[QUOTE=jeca;11923218]What's a "chi-chi salon"?
A chi-chi salon is one that is well appointed with specialty services and at times a more refined client base.
QUOTE]

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My son is 15 months old. I did lose lots of hair in the beginning, but I'm still shedding and my hair is tangly and brittle. It changed so much after I had him. I guess it's just a combination of natural changes and the fact that I haven't been as good to my hair as I was pre-pregnancy...It also grew really fast when I was pregnant, which made it much harder to care for after pregnancy.
And the things that I used on my hair just don't seem to work like they used to.
My hair changes textures constantly so I know exactly what you mean.



Just a random question........I am not open to the idea of random spankings. I have popped Andrews hands from time to time. He loves to run in parking lots. All of my black friends spank. They think that I am crazy and setting my son up for failure because I don't. Supposedly black children have to be spanked in oreder for them to thrive.
What do you moms think about spanking and the necessity of it for black children?

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Old 08-13-2008, 02:43 PM
 
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[quote=piad;11933131]I have been meaning to pm Oyinmama to ask her more questions since I hear that she has the inside scoop on good products!

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Originally Posted by jeca View Post
What's a "chi-chi salon"?
A chi-chi salon is one that is well appointed with specialty services and at times a more refined client base.
QUOTE]



My hair changes textures constantly so I know exactly what you mean.



Just a random question........I am not open to the idea of random spankings. I have popped Andrews hands from time to time. He loves to run in parking lots. All of my black friends spank. They think that I am crazy and setting my son up for failure because I don't. Supposedly black children have to be spanked in oreder for them to thrive.
What do you moms think about spanking and the necessity of it for black children?
This is a forum that upholds gentle discipline, so discussions about the merits of spanking are not allowed. For the record, I don't believe that spankings are EVER the answer. I think we are setting our children up to continue to perpetuate the notion that they "must be spanked". I'd say to ignore your friends and do follow your gut!

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Old 08-13-2008, 05:31 PM
 
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This is a forum that upholds gentle discipline, so discussions about the merits of spanking are not allowed. For the record, I don't believe that spankings are EVER the answer. I think we are setting our children up to continue to perpetuate the notion that they "must be spanked". I'd say to ignore your friends and do follow your gut!


Perhaps I should have worded my question differently because I am not looking for the merits to spanking because IMO there are none. I don't follow the advice of my husband when it comes to spanking so the advice or misgivings of friends is not even up for consideration. Spanking is not discipline but IMO is metted out by many parents out of frustration because of a lack of discipline.


What I want to know is why there is a myth that persists in the black community that spanking is necessary?

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Old 08-13-2008, 05:37 PM
 
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Just a random question........I am not open to the idea of random spankings. I have popped Andrews hands from time to time. He loves to run in parking lots. All of my black friends spank. They think that I am crazy and setting my son up for failure because I don't. Supposedly black children have to be spanked in oreder for them to thrive.
What do you moms think about spanking and the necessity of it for black children?


That’s the same reasoning that was used 150+ years ago during slavery.

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Old 08-14-2008, 01:35 AM
 
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i believe that in childrearing, as in house building and cuisine, you use the tools and materials you have, to shape the raw materials available to you.

we have historically treated our children with brutality because brutality was the lesson taught to us by the world. we thought we were preparing them, even protecting them. many of us still operate out of fear of the damage the larger world can (and often does) do to our children, and react with panic when our children get 'out of line.' because getting out of line in the wrong situation, goes the logic, could get our beautiful innocent minding-his-own-business baby son shot 50 times on his wedding night. for instance.

of course most (many?) of us as individuals are trying to create a better world, and to raise children with a well adjusted sense of entitlement, lol, but i think it is these old scars and fears that cause us as a community to persist in the thinking that children 'need' spanking.

i was never spanked as a child. my mom believes (and will dogmatically tell you, often whether you ask or not) that spanking a child is a failure of imagination, patience, and intelligence.

i mention the raw materials thing because i also think that different children have different needs and respond to different things; and different parents have different skills and capabilities. just like inuit people may build homes out of ice and cook with whale blubber, and ndebele people build homes out of brightly colored earth & clay paint, and hunt big game.

meh. my first child is not quite yet 4 months. what the heck do i know?

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Old 08-14-2008, 02:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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meh. my first child is not quite yet 4 months. what the heck do i know?

Apparently quite a lot. That was one of the most insightful things I've ever read on the subject.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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Old 08-14-2008, 09:16 AM
 
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What do you moms think about spanking and the necessity of it for black children?
I think it's sad that people think it's a necessity for black children- as if black children are inherently unruly and undisciplined.
I personally believe that one can be strict without spanking. Before I had my son, I thought, "Of course, I'll spank him!" Now, I can't even imagine doing it. I was spanked, but now as a logical adult, I'm not sure I believe a child would be able to understand WHY he is being spanked or be able to make the connection between doing something he is not supposed to and the pain of getting hit. I don't want him growing up thinking that it's okay to hit, so I will not hit him.
I get down on his level, take both of his hands, look him in the eyes and say, "Don't do that!" At his age, it may take a long time until he actually gets it. He's a toddler with zero impulse control and he's not being bad- he's being curious. I do think he'll get it eventually, and I won't have to hit him for him to get it.

Sheila, mother to William and Min Hee, wife of David
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Old 08-14-2008, 09:17 AM
 
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That’s the same reasoning that was used 150+ years ago during slavery.
:

Sheila, mother to William and Min Hee, wife of David
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Old 08-14-2008, 09:21 AM
 
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i was never spanked as a child. my mom believes (and will dogmatically tell you, often whether you ask or not) that spanking a child is a failure of imagination, patience, and intelligence.

Your mom is a wise woman! I love that!

Sheila, mother to William and Min Hee, wife of David
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Old 08-14-2008, 09:47 AM
 
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i believe that in childrearing, as in house building and cuisine, you use the tools and materials you have, to shape the raw materials available to you.

we have historically treated our children with brutality because brutality was the lesson taught to us by the world. we thought we were preparing them, even protecting them. many of us still operate out of fear of the damage the larger world can (and often does) do to our children, and react with panic when our children get 'out of line.' because getting out of line in the wrong situation, goes the logic, could get our beautiful innocent minding-his-own-business baby son shot 50 times on his wedding night. for instance.

of course most (many?) of us as individuals are trying to create a better world, and to raise children with a well adjusted sense of entitlement, lol, but i think it is these old scars and fears that cause us as a community to persist in the thinking that children 'need' spanking.

i was never spanked as a child. my mom believes (and will dogmatically tell you, often whether you ask or not) that spanking a child is a failure of imagination, patience, and intelligence.

i mention the raw materials thing because i also think that different children have different needs and respond to different things; and different parents have different skills and capabilities. just like inuit people may build homes out of ice and cook with whale blubber, and ndebele people build homes out of brightly colored earth & clay paint, and hunt big game.

meh. my first child is not quite yet 4 months. what the heck do i know?


This is beautiful, it really I think gets at the heart of why spanking particularly brutal (go get your switch off the tree type spankings) ones have been so prevalent in the Black community. I can't even think of anything to add to what Oyinmama said.

Mothering since 1992...its one of the many hats I wear.
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Old 08-14-2008, 10:39 AM
 
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Originally Posted by oyinmama View Post
spanking a child is a failure of imagination, patience, and intelligence.

so.....may I give credit for this quote to Qyinmama's Mama.:


meh. my first child is not quite yet 4 months. what the heck do i know?



Actually you have (your age here) years of experience. Parenting begins long before conception or even birth. Everything that you have done up until now has given you the life lessons needed to parent your child. Now you are able to put hone your skills.

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Old 08-14-2008, 10:56 AM
 
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i believe that in childrearing, as in house building and cuisine, you use the tools and materials you have, to shape the raw materials available to you.

we have historically treated our children with brutality because brutality was the lesson taught to us by the world. we thought we were preparing them, even protecting them. many of us still operate out of fear of the damage the larger world can (and often does) do to our children, and react with panic when our children get 'out of line.' because getting out of line in the wrong situation, goes the logic, could get our beautiful innocent minding-his-own-business baby son shot 50 times on his wedding night. for instance.

of course most (many?) of us as individuals are trying to create a better world, and to raise children with a well adjusted sense of entitlement, lol, but i think it is these old scars and fears that cause us as a community to persist in the thinking that children 'need' spanking.

i was never spanked as a child. my mom believes (and will dogmatically tell you, often whether you ask or not) that spanking a child is a failure of imagination, patience, and intelligence.

i mention the raw materials thing because i also think that different children have different needs and respond to different things; and different parents have different skills and capabilities. just like inuit people may build homes out of ice and cook with whale blubber, and ndebele people build homes out of brightly colored earth & clay paint, and hunt big game.

meh. my first child is not quite yet 4 months. what the heck do i know?

now that's knowledge and wisdom

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Old 08-14-2008, 11:04 AM
 
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Does anyone listen to "black radio"? I live near Philly and thus have access to lots of so called black radio. Can I tell you how much I can't stand the nonsense that some call entertainment. Steve Harvey is at the top of my list. I find his show offensive, not funny and frankly, a waste of air time. The things he/they say and get away with, are appalling. I find myself listening to Temple U's station and to NPR more regularly cause I can't take the lack of creativity that some of these on air personalities have!
Anyone else?

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Old 08-14-2008, 11:45 AM
 
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Does anyone listen to "black radio"? I live near Philly and thus have access to lots of so called black radio. Can I tell you how much I can't stand the nonsense that some call entertainment. Steve Harvey is at the top of my list. I find his show offensive, not funny and frankly, a waste of air time. The things he/they say and get away with, are appalling. I find myself listening to Temple U's station and to NPR more regularly cause I can't take the lack of creativity that some of these on air personalities have!
Anyone else?
Well here is my list:
Steve Harvey ( we could listen in Atlanta but not herei n Houston)
The Monique Show
Yolanda Adams
Tom Joyner has a few personalities that I don't care for at all.
Calvin Murphy (some ex basketball player with a local show here in Houston)

I don't like any of these shows or the personalities because they perpetuate too many of the stereotypes that plague the black community. I also don't like reverse racism and hate filled comments that are directed towards white America. No, I don't condone past behavior, I just don't think that degrading and insulting people of another race is the answer to the problems that persist in Black America.

I believe that my husband listens to the Monique show just to hear me rant. Everything that she says is laced with vulgarity and sex. There is nothing decent or classy about her, but she thinks that she is the epitome of big girl class. Ugggh

Then again I have also been told that I don't have a sense of humor.

I love NPR but the station is not clear in the car. My DH listens on the PC, but I can type and listen at the same time.

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Old 08-14-2008, 12:06 PM
 
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Well here is my list:
Steve Harvey ( we could listen in Atlanta but not herei n Houston)
The Monique Show
Yolanda Adams
Tom Joyner has a few personalities that I don't care for at all.
Calvin Murphy (some ex basketball player with a local show here in Houston)

I don't like any of these shows or the personalities because they perpetuate too many of the stereotypes that plague the black community. I also don't like reverse racism and hate filled comments that are directed towards white America. No, I don't condone past behavior, I just don't think that degrading and insulting people of another race is the answer to the problems that persist in Black America.

I believe that my husband listens to the Monique show just to hear me rant. Everything that she says is laced with vulgarity and sex. There is nothing decent or classy about her, but she thinks that she is the epitome of big girl class. Ugggh

Then again I have also been told that I don't have a sense of humor.

I love NPR but the station is not clear in the car. My DH listens on the PC, but I can type and listen at the same time.
Thank you! Amen to all of that!! I totally agree with what you have said. I just don't know how anyone could call that entertaining. I don't know why I torture myself by even turning it on in the morning; I think I do it just to hear what crazy stuff they are talking about. I always end up ranting to myself!!

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Old 08-20-2008, 06:50 PM
 
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So I finally sucked it up and decided to drop some money on getting my hair done. I went to Devachan in NYC where I live, a pretty chi-chi salon that caters to specifically women with curly hair (all kinds of curly hair). For the first time in years, I actually like my hair.
Anyway, just felt like bumping this thread, too!

Sheila, mother to William and Min Hee, wife of David
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Old 08-20-2008, 07:13 PM
 
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So I finally sucked it up and decided to drop some money on getting my hair done. I went to Devachan in NYC where I live, a pretty chi-chi salon that caters to specifically women with curly hair (all kinds of curly hair). For the first time in years, I actually like my hair.
Anyway, just felt like bumping this thread, too!
Oh la la! Glad you like your hair mama!

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Old 08-20-2008, 07:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So I finally sucked it up and decided to drop some money on getting my hair done. I went to Devachan in NYC where I live, a pretty chi-chi salon that caters to specifically women with curly hair (all kinds of curly hair). For the first time in years, I actually like my hair.
Anyway, just felt like bumping this thread, too!
: Pictures?

We've started school. It's *insane*. I've been putting videos of the kiddles on Facebook. That makes me ridiculously happy, to be able to do that. And... well, life is busy. I'm going out of town tomorrow, so... :

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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Old 08-20-2008, 10:28 PM
 
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So I finally sucked it up and decided to drop some money on getting my hair done. I went to Devachan in NYC where I live, a pretty chi-chi salon that caters to specifically women with curly hair (all kinds of curly hair). For the first time in years, I actually like my hair.
Anyway, just felt like bumping this thread, too!
i JUST went there today! I'm not good at keeping u with getting haircuts (my last one was in Dec 2007) but they're the only place I'll let touch my hair. When I went there the first time, it was really the very first time I felt like my hair was respected, rather than complained about or being fought into straightness or something else. I LOVE that lace and I love the way they cut my hair. just chiming in :

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Old 08-21-2008, 12:14 AM
 
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NMY actively making my dreams happen :
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Old 08-21-2008, 12:18 AM
 
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: Pictures?

We've started school. It's *insane*. I've been putting videos of the kiddles on Facebook. That makes me ridiculously happy, to be able to do that. And... well, life is busy. I'm going out of town tomorrow, so... :
FACE BOOK! yay. I have a face book also!!

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Old 08-21-2008, 08:39 AM
 
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: Pictures?

We've started school. It's *insane*. I've been putting videos of the kiddles on Facebook. That makes me ridiculously happy, to be able to do that. And... well, life is busy. I'm going out of town tomorrow, so... :
Here's a picture: http://www.flickr.com/photos/14809282@N07/2767726927/

Must be exciting getting kids ready for a new school year. DS has only been with me so I have yet to have that experience.
Speaking of school...I'm a jobless teacher. LOL! I was allegedly going back to work this fall and but haven't found anything. I don't want to go back to the hellhole school that I taught in before my son was born. Now, I don't have anything at all.
I have Facebook too and am maybe too addicted to it!

Sheila, mother to William and Min Hee, wife of David
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Old 08-21-2008, 08:41 AM
 
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Oh la la! Glad you like your hair mama!
Thanks! There's nothing like the feeling of being pampered.
My hair is not as tame looking as in the picture now, but I like it that way. DH went nuts for it, which is also a big plus.

Sheila, mother to William and Min Hee, wife of David
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Old 08-21-2008, 01:55 PM
 
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Nice Hair cut! I will pm you my facebook site

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Old 08-21-2008, 02:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Your hair looks gorgeous!

Facebook makes me happy. :

Bean is a cyberschooler, so "starting school" doesn't involve sending him anywhere... just a ton of workk for both of us. He kind of flies through material, so it gets kind of crazy, especially for the first few weeks.

My sister has decided that Bean has an anger problem. Never mind that he has much bigger problems with her than with anyone else; Never mind that SHE has major control issues where children are concerned (just ask my poor nieces, who are terrified of their aunt . No-- this is all the fault of the five year old. He's at my mom's house so that I can go to the begining of Stones Rising (the intensive, which is less child-friendly) for a few days myself. He is the only boy in that house aside from Bear, who is 6 months old-- all of the other kids (there are five of them) are girls. Toss in both of my sisters and my mother, and it's easy to understand why a perfectly healthy little boy's energy might be seen as over the top. : My instinct is to strangle my sister for this... but I won't. Instead, I'm going to cast at her. It's not nice, but it's been extremely effective in the past. She really needs to work on her own problems, rather than trying to take all her misery out on my little man.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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Old 08-21-2008, 06:17 PM
 
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Hi everyone!

I used to participate in WOC #11, but got pretty busy with school and work. I have to pick up the kid from school; I'll be back to reintroduce myself.
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Old 08-21-2008, 10:13 PM
 
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Here's a picture: http://www.flickr.com/photos/14809282@N07/2767726927/

Must be exciting getting kids ready for a new school year. DS has only been with me so I have yet to have that experience.
Speaking of school...I'm a jobless teacher. LOL! I was allegedly going back to work this fall and but haven't found anything. I don't want to go back to the hellhole school that I taught in before my son was born. Now, I don't have anything at all.
I have Facebook too and am maybe too addicted to it!

Ohhh, I love it mama!!

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Old 08-22-2008, 01:54 PM
 
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Alright, I'm back!

I'm daricsmami. Black Latina. Former Navy brat, so I'm from everywhere. Sociology student. Planning on getting my MSW pretty soon. Have a 5 year old who just started kindergarten. Hoping to move to sunny SoCal soon, but I might end up staying here. I have figured that out yet.... I think that's it.
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Old 08-23-2008, 09:22 AM
 
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Hey yall.

Something that happened yesterday had me wondering. Have you ever been on the internet somewhere and your identity was somewhat neutral, and you get received a certain way, but as soon as you upload or link to a picture or something in connection with your identity that reveals you are a person of color, you get a subtle hint of a vibe that feels like you are being received a bit differently than when your identy was neutral? Perhaps slightly patronized? Or condescended against...something like that?

Does that makes sense? I'm open to the possibility that maybe I'm just completely paranoid and overly sensitive..I tend to be that way in pregnancy.

but in my defense, sometimes I would feel that vibe at times in certain places on the internet before I became pregnant..

Edit:
It doesn't even have to be the internet per se...it could be anywhere where your identity is neutral and no one knows or can "see" what you are unless you tell them. Have you ever experienced like...underhanded..undercover "oh geesh, in that case, this poor woman can't know what she's talking about..." vibe after it is revealed what your racial status is?

Oh, and ftr, this occurrence that happened to me was not here @ MDC...it was elsewhere on the web.
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