Mom's without Mom's part 5 - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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Finding Your Tribe > Mom's without Mom's part 5
mamasgroovin's Avatar mamasgroovin 09:05 PM 03-20-2008
So far so good. This is when Mom was diagnosed, though...so I don't know if in the next couple of weeks things might head south. But it is spring and I feel fine!

papschmitty's Avatar papschmitty 02:26 PM 03-21-2008
Mamasgroovin, I'm so glad to hear that you're doing well so far!

Last weekend was pretty rough but I'm seem to be back on an upswing again. I'm taking Stella and my two nieces to our church's Easter egg hunt tomorrow which should be a lot of fun. Sunday, we're going over to my dad's house for Easter. This is the first time he's had us over since Christmas. He and his idiot girlfriend have broken up and gotten back together at least 3 times since my last post. It's so hard and so frustrating to see him suffer through such low lows. Oh well, that's what he's chosen for himself. He did renew his subscription to E*Harmony so I'm hoping that's a good sign. I've had a few dreams about my mom which is comforting but so far we haven't spoken in the dreams, I wish we could!

My leg is still pretty tender after my surgery last week. I did hear back and the melanoma is officially gone. I go back to have my stitches taken out next week and DH is getting his own skin check at the same time. Hopefully, he'll come out with the all-clear too!

How is everyone else doing? How's the sleep stuff going mum4boys?
Mountain Diva's Avatar Mountain Diva 03:18 AM 03-23-2008
I was looking for a tribe for new moms over 40, or Montessorians, or homeschoolers, or mothers of children with physical special needs ... it never occured to me there were other women who had lost their moms. My beautiful beloved best-friend mother was diagnosed in May of 2001 with Pancreatic cancer that had matasticized to her lungs. I had had 4 miscarriages and was pretty hopeless about having a baby. She said, You'd better get going on that baby. From her lips to God's ears. I found out I was pregnant, and it was sticking, and I was due in February. She held on, with all she had, my god did she fight it, but she died 6 weeks before Ben was born. The only ONLY reason I survived her loss was having him. Then, 2 years later, my daughter was coming ... and all heck broke loose. Instead of the no-drugs birth I had had with Ben, this was an emergency C-section, she almost died, I almost died ... Every doctor was amazed by my strength and purity of focus - she was going to make it, I was going to make it, there was no question in my mind. I knew that on the other side was a mothering goddess giving us all her love. Monday Naomi Dean will be 4 years old. Like the woman for whom she is named she loves chocolate, horses and sunshine.
mamasgroovin's Avatar mamasgroovin 09:32 AM 03-23-2008
Wow...that was truly beautiful! Thank you for sharing.
Welcome to the tribe, Mountain Diva.
mamasgroovin's Avatar mamasgroovin 09:43 AM 03-23-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by papschmitty View Post
Mamasgroovin, I'm so glad to hear that you're doing well so far!

Last weekend was pretty rough but I'm seem to be back on an upswing again. I'm taking Stella and my two nieces to our church's Easter egg hunt tomorrow which should be a lot of fun. Sunday, we're going over to my dad's house for Easter. This is the first time he's had us over since Christmas. He and his idiot girlfriend have broken up and gotten back together at least 3 times since my last post. It's so hard and so frustrating to see him suffer through such low lows. Oh well, that's what he's chosen for himself. He did renew his subscription to E*Harmony so I'm hoping that's a good sign. I've had a few dreams about my mom which is comforting but so far we haven't spoken in the dreams, I wish we could!

My leg is still pretty tender after my surgery last week. I did hear back and the melanoma is officially gone. I go back to have my stitches taken out next week and DH is getting his own skin check at the same time. Hopefully, he'll come out with the all-clear too!

How is everyone else doing? How's the sleep stuff going mum4boys?
Way to go on the surgery...that is wonderful news!!

And you sound much better about the dad stuff, too. It is his choice and he will have to figure it out on his own. You have tried to help and sounds like you've done a stellar job. Sometimes it is hard to sit back and watch the ones you love make mistakes...but that is part of this life we live in.

And finally...Mom dreams. This is still very frustrating for me, too. I see her in her dreams, and usually it is a post-cancer type situation and we are just going about our lives as normal. When I wake up I am so sad that I didn't hug her and tell her I love her and miss her. I even had a dream about her last night (and am just now remembering it). When I woke up this morning I searched out Mom's coffee cup (the one I gave her as a little girl) and gave her a little Easter toast. I couldn't figure out why I was so sad...but now I realize it was because of my dream.

I hope everyone is well!
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Mountain Diva's Avatar Mountain Diva 01:46 PM 03-23-2008
I have a couple of thoughts on some of these other posts I'm reading, but I don't want to intrude on your privacy, which is odd because here we are pouring out or hearts to the ether of the internet.
My parents were married for 50 years, and together for 60, they had met as teenagers. My father had been very much the "father" and mom was an incredible mom. As he put it at her service, she excelled in academics and sports, but she was born to be a mother. He totally stepped up when she fell ill. To see their bond was a true gift to me and my 4 sibilings, we saw that before "all of us" it was "just them," it was beautiful. That's why it was so shocking when he started dating. And the women ... just the polar opposite of my mom. It went on for a while, and bothered all of us kids. I came to accept it, oddly, after seeing a movie, "Must love dogs" and the scene were the very randy widower father explains to his daughter that he's already had the love of his life, he can't even look for that again, so he's just going to have fun and be with different women. For my dad, I know his feeling stems from his belief in heaven, and he says, I'm going to be with your mother again there, so I can't get too serious with anyone else down here.
As for helping my children, who never knew my mom on this plane of existence, I have told them alot about her. And we do things she would love and I say, You know who would love this? and they chorus joyfully, NANA!
On her birthday we have hot dogs and brownies with a candle. And my children do amazing things sometimes that really blow me away. DS will say, Nana is in my heart and my heart is full of love, so Nana is love. And then the night before my DD was going to have surgery, at the age of 2, I was holding her and looking at her and praying, and she looked right into my eyes, took my face in both of her tiny little hands, and smiled. It was like my mom was coming through to reassure me.
The truth of unconditional love is really only understood when you are the one giving it. I'm in awe of my mother now more than ever. I try to honor her every day by being a good mom, but I know when I mess up, she still loves me, and she wants me to keep trying and not give up.
papschmitty's Avatar papschmitty 09:08 PM 03-23-2008
Welcome Mountain Diva. Your posts brought tears to my eyes! That's an interesting perspective regarding your dad. My dad's current idiot, married girlfriend is so polar opposite from my mom. Maybe he wants it that way for a reason. I'm trying to just let all the difficult feelings around that go and just try to enjoy being his daughter and sharing his grandchildren with him. It's hard, but at least I'm trying.

I hope everyone is enjoying Easter! Many blessings to all of you!
Mountain Diva's Avatar Mountain Diva 09:52 PM 03-23-2008
Thank you for your welcoming. I was telling my sister about finding this tribe this morning, and I she is happy for me, because she is not married and is childless, so while she listens to my sadness, she cannot fully empathize - though we respect that we mourn our loss of our mother equally.
We have been very lucky in that dad has stopped the active dating, but he really shattered us a few Christmas's ago when he invited a lady friend and her daughter to dinner at the country club where he and my mom had met as kids and spent so much of their time together as a family. Luckily, I was safely 2000 miles away, I didn't have to participate - but each sibling called at some point during the evening by slipping out with their cell phone to give me the play-by-play. Now, he seems more interested in going to lectures and playing tennis, and keeping his mind active. I'm sure he doesn't lack for interested ladies since he is 81, healthy and a great dancer. He does make it a point to only date independent women, though, I've noticed.
mum4boys's Avatar mum4boys 12:29 PM 04-01-2008
welcome Mountain Diva.

The one thing in my life I am thankful for is my father is not dating. He says he cannot imagine dating. My mom and him were married almost 52 years. I am not sure if I mentioned this before but apparently some family members are okay with him dating over him becoming a priest. I jokingly said oh dad you can become a priest now(we are catholic). My sister about had a melt down and she still brings it up how my dad just cannot be a priest and I better stop encouraging him. BTW my dad has no interest in dating or being a priest.

papschmitty how is your leg now. How are things with your dad.

I had a interesting reaction on Friday. I had to have an ultrasound and almost lost it at one point. I was with my mom when they found her tumor through an ultrasound. They were not looking for a tumor. They were just trying to figure out why her bladder was not working. Anyway I almost had this moment of panic.
mamasgroovin's Avatar mamasgroovin 02:27 PM 04-01-2008
I was going to wait to post this, but since it has become active, thought I might as well go ahead now and then I can update you later.

Friday I am going out of town! I am driving 5 hours away to see a concert, getting a nice room and then driving back fourish hour to the Red River Gorge...where we "scattered" Mom's ashes. I say "scattered" because when we put them into the River we pretty much expected them to be washed away down the river. Apparently Mom wanted to hang out with us a while, because those ashes didn't move an inch. There she was, in a clump. Right there. I'll never for get that as long as I live.

I guess I didn't mention that this is a solo venture for me. Dh is staying home with the kids. I've never gone anywhere without anyone before...this is a new gig for me. I'm am very excited, and a tad nervous.

Mom died April 13, 1993. So I am coming up on the 15 year anniversary. Today, April Fool's Day, is the anniversary of the day I met my soul mate...20 years ago. And I will be 40 in July. These numbers are playing some serious mind games with me.

I have known my husband half my life, and my mother has been gone nearly half my life. I can't really even fathom this. It's unreal to me. I had a bit of a breakdown over the weekend. I was completely over reacting to a situation...it took me a few to figure out that I wasn't really pissed off about screwing up my hotel reservations...it was about the whole trip and Mom and such. I'm better now. And VERY excited for my trip.
mum4boys's Avatar mum4boys 09:49 PM 04-01-2008
Wow that is a neat trip you have planned.

The ashes sound like something that happen at my mom's funeral. We had doves released (it was part of the package). Instead of the dove's flying up into the sky like they are suppose to instead they dived bombed us and then went about 30 feet into the air and roosted in a tree. We were all dying laughing. My mom would have loved it. We could never have planned it
KJoslyn78's Avatar KJoslyn78 02:21 PM 04-05-2008
Sorry i haven't updated in a while i've not been doing well lately and just not up for sharing - but i've been reading - add in a sick baby this month and time has been sparse... and hello to anyone new.

I just wanted to share some pics i recently scanned. It's of my Mom and Dad at their wedding back in 1975... I just got them from my uncle a month ago - but hadn't been able to scan them (usually the scanner is covered with stuff!)

http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r...s/scan0006.jpg
http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r...s/scan0005.jpg
http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r...s/scan0004.jpg
http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r...s/scan0003.jpg
papschmitty's Avatar papschmitty 01:33 AM 04-06-2008
Mum4boys, that story about the doves was hilarious!

KJoslyn78, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Those are great pictures!

My dad has been out of the town for the last 10 days vacationing with his best friend. I spent the week staying at his house babysitting his neurotic dogs. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be but there were definitely some times that I really missed my mom. Now DH is out of town for his annual dirt bike race. Every other year when he'd go I would stay with my parents for the company and extra help with DD. I'm feeling pretty lonely and sad tonight. It's a good thing I'm exhausted. I'm off to fold some laundry and go to bed!
mum4boys's Avatar mum4boys 01:32 PM 04-08-2008
It is hard sometimes staying at my parents house too. I understand that loss of not having your mom around when dh is out of town.
mamasgroovin's Avatar mamasgroovin 10:23 AM 04-09-2008
I survived! Here's how it went.

Friday I drove to Chattanooga. I had traffic problems, so it took 7 very long hours. : But it was fine...I enjoyed the peace and quiet...well, other than my tunes crankin'. During my drive something REALLY cool happened. I had just crossed into Tennessee and was listening to Taught to Be Proud...the current song link in my siggy...I was thinking about my mom as I always do when I hear this song (there's a story as to why) and it was in a serious jam right before coming back into the chorus when I drove over the Red River!!! I was shocked...could this really be the same Red River that I put my mother into 15 years ago?!?!?! I didn't think it went that far. And it might not...I still haven't checked to see if it's the same. I almost don't want to, YK...ignorance is bliss.

So I go to the concert and SEVERAL of the songs that were played were loaded with significance about either my mom or just the journey in general. It was a great show and I had a great time (perhaps TOO great as then next day was a bit difficult )

The next day I drive up to the Gorge...another 6 hours...this drive was much more difficult. I finally got to the Mountain Parkway ~ where the road becomes awesomely beautiful ~ grabbed a random cd. The Moody Blues...Mom's favorite band. The song You Can Never Go Home came on and I lost it. It was the perfect song for the weekend. I tried to find a link but couldn't.

Here are the lyrics, though...

I made it to the lodge, dropped my stuff in my room and hiked up to the top of Natural Bridge. Spectacular...as always.

The next morning I got up, ate, packed the car and drove into the Gorge and parked at the trail head. The hike to mom should have taken 45 minutes, but I got a bit lost. Oops. I finally got back on the right trail, found the spot. Mind you, this is a VERY primitive trail...more like a deer trail to be honest. It's pretty hard, too. I want to take the kids, but I don't think the younger one's would be able to. Still thinking on that.

So I got to the spot. I forgot to mention that it was sunny and 70. Perfect! It was beautiful. I built a rock memorial by the river with 15 rocks...one for each year. Stuck a stick of Nag Champa incense in it and just hung out. I didn't cry until the end when I needed to leave. I felt very calm and peaceful the entire time I was there. I didn't want to leave. But I did. I had a nice hike back to the car...going the proper way this time, and drove on home,another 3 hours.

I'm not sure exactly what I learned on this journey other that I can do things for myself and by myself. I guess that's a pretty good lesson.
mum4boys's Avatar mum4boys 11:41 AM 04-10-2008
ARGH MDC makes me mad...I replied here yesteday and now my post is gone.

mamasgroovin sounds like a great weekend.
mamasgroovin's Avatar mamasgroovin 10:02 AM 04-14-2008
Well, this weekend sucked.

I got a weird call Friday night. It was my dad, he was just chatting away. He said he called to toast Mom. OK, but she died on the 13th, not the 11th...but I decided not to say anything. So I got a glass of wine and we had a toast over the phone. So then he says, well perhaps you can settle this dispute, your brother says Mom died the 11th, but I think it was the 12th b/c Mom and my dad died the same day, right? (different years). So I was shocked that neither of them remembered it was the 13th...especially my brother. Well, I pulled out the Death Certificate and scanned it and emailed them both a copy. Weird...whatever.

But then it turns ugly. My dad's wife, who I loving refer to as the ESM (evil step mom), wanted to talk to me. Great...I'm thrilled just what I wanted on a Friday night. She told me that she had talked to my mom (have I mentioned that she is a total lunatic?) and Mom thought that I needed to participate in this Oprah online class or whatever about anger and resentment and letting things go. Apparently, I was angry when I was pregnant with Grant...13 years ago...and because of this I need help. WTF???? Sorry, but this situation completely deserves a WTF. So she starts going on and on about how this program will really help me let it all go. Well, I mourn the loss of my mother...but I am no longer distraught...time really does have a way of healing such wounds. I had a great weekend (before) celebrating my mom's life...and mine. I am currently more at peace with the Universe than probably ever before. I have a great life...I really do, and I know it.

If my mom wants to communicate with me she is NOT using THAT woman as her vessel. I think Mom is pretty clear on my feelings regarding the ESM (especially of late)...if she really needed to tell me something she would find a better way.

I was up for hours crying Friday night. Why does she do this to me? And why now?? Does she really think it is appropriate to tell someone on the day they believe is the day the persons mother died that they talked to her? (OK...that's hard to follow, but I think you know what I am trying to say. ) I don't know what to do about her. She just keeps crossing that line. She was disrespectful towards me (well, a lot...but specifically) a few weeks ago by buying something for my daughter that I respectfully requested she never do (buy a Dora dress) and I have clearly stated my reasons why. She told me she bought Carrie a dress and said she hoped I didn't mind. I said, no as long as there isn't a Dora on it we are cool. She said it had butterflies and flowers. She hands it too Carrie when we see her and sure enough it has a big fat Dora head on it. I was pissed. So I saw her again a few days later and gave her the dress back and simply said, I am returning this to you because as you know I do not want my daughter wearing this type of clothing for all the reason we have discussed before. It was the first time I stood up to her. THAT is why I think she is doing this to me. I really think she is evil.

Sorry for the long post. If you made it this far thanks for reading on.
mum4boys's Avatar mum4boys 11:06 PM 04-15-2008
Oh HUGS I think I would have responded with my mom and I only discuss these things directly between us and that is not what my mother said.
mamasgroovin's Avatar mamasgroovin 11:11 PM 04-15-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by mum4boys View Post
Oh HUGS I think I would have responded with my mom and I only discuss these things directly between us and that is not what my mother said.
Yes...that would be good.
thewaggonerfamily's Avatar thewaggonerfamily 06:14 PM 04-17-2008
nak, oht
I will share my mom's story later (Its in greif forum abt the 1st week in Dec) and I'm going back to read all of yours... but I was in Meijers and started crying when I saw the Mothers day cards. I just wanted to share with someone who understands. <sigh>
thewaggonerfamily's Avatar thewaggonerfamily 06:25 PM 04-17-2008
copied and pasted...

<sigh>Well, I think I belong here, now. My mom died Friday evening. She had been waiting for a liver transplant but had been too weak to get on the transplant list (the surgery would have killed her) and went into total kidney failure, so the Friday before my dad made the decision (in total accordance with mom's previously stated wishes and supported by all of us) to take no heroic measures as there was no hope of recovery. So all the tubes were removed from her and she was kept comfortable. She was in a coma by that point. Friday evening, my dad and sister (who were sitting with her) went to dinner and 5 mins later the hospital called and said she was gone. The funny thing is I had gone grocery shopping to Meijers with DH (we had been by the phone on the death wait for a week and couldn't wait any longer) and while I was shopping I got an ear worm (you know, a song that wont get out of your head?) and I kept singing the chorus to "I'll fly away" under my breath over and over again. (For those that don't know the hymn it goes "I'll fly away oh, glory, I'll fly away, When I die, Hallelujia by and by, Oh I'll fly away. After my DH was giving me a dirty look, I said I couldn't stop, I just couldn't get the song out of my head. then I said, "I wonder if it has anything to do with my mom." then as I was checking out I said that I though it was because we had sung it at a funeral a few weeks ago. As we were pulling out of the parking lot, I called my sister to check in and I asked her if mom was still "snoring comfortably" (Our little joke from that week, I never knew people snored while in a coma...) and she said, not exactly... and told me the hospital called after they left. (At the time, they were ordering dinner and had decided that they would call people after dinner, but would tell people if they called.) Any how, she told me that mom had died at 7:30pm which was 8:30 our time and (I'm sure you guessed it) right when that song got in my head and would not let go. I'm so glad DH was there to witness it, so I knew I wasn't crazy. I'm quite certain, that was mom's way of saying goodbye. I feel okay that I wasn't there since my mom had come to see Matthew right as she was starting this last downward slide. She was pretty sick, but I'm so glad she could see and hold him, since she had been so sick, she hadn't even seen me pregnant nor got to participate in his pregnancy like she usually did with my other kids. And the whole time she was here we did nothing but talk, which was wonderful, since she has been so sick and weak that it has been little more than a "hello" and then "here, talk to your dad" for the last year and a half.

Even though I've had my crying moments, I still don't think it has quite hit me. I feel really bad for my dad, perhaps because I know some of his pain from my experience with DH this summer. Basically for those who don't know, June 15, Scott was lifeflighted from our community hospital to the big regional hospital ICU. He went from talking to me to crashing in about an hour. He crashed (heart raced really fast and they had to shock his heart) at our local hospital, they intubated him and lifeflighted him, where they worked on him the entire 12 minute flight to keep him alive (including shocking his heart again)until he got to the ICU at the regional hospital and then later that night when I was in with him he crashed again (His BP dropped out the bottom that time). He ended up having necrotizing fascitis (the flesh eating bacteria) from an infected hair follicle on his inner thigh (a boil) and they removed a 6" x 6" x 10" chunk from his leg, he had toxic shock syndrome (which is staph in your bloodstream) and was in septic shock that caused all of his organ systems to shut down. (lungs, heart, digestive, liver and kidneys) He gained about 25# of fluid from the sepsis and had to get dialysis. He was unconscious and intubated in the ICU and was not expected to make it. They told me that if he made it he would be critical in the ICU for 3-6 months. He was not expected to be awake for our baby's birth. He is my walking miracle; was extubated and left the ICU after 3 weeks and went home in 4 weeks. (A week after leaving the ICU!) They also had told me that he would have to go to a rehab hospital for a few weeks before he went home. He never did. He came home with a walker and very weak and on dialysis 3x a week on July 10. The last concern for permanent damage was whether or not his kidneys would come back or if he would permanently be on dialysis and need a kidney transplant. Amazingly a week after we came home he was off of dialysis. A week after that his bloodwork was good enough to have his dialysis port removed. He was on a wound vac, but that ended on his birthday August 27 and his wound is now completely healed into a neat little seam. September 7th the visiting nurse came to discharge him from home health care along with the home OT and PT. Now he will be going to outpatient OT and PT so he can regain his strength to return to work. DH works transportation for a state prison so need to be able to run across the prison in case of a riot, wrestle prisoners to the ground and shoot a handgun and shotgun. He doesn't do those things very often, but needs to be able to, KWIM? I am sooo happy, that not only is he alive, but he is doing great recovering and my greatest hope when he was sickest was that perhaps he might be well enough to be wheeled down to the birth in a wheelchair to just witness our baby's birth and now he is well enough to drive me to the hospital and be an active participant. Woohoo! His only ongoing issue right now other than getting stronger is that he now appears to have a post-infection type of arthritis that should last a few months, and he has painful joints that makes his rehab to get stronger more difficult, but with all we have been through, we'll make it through this bump in the road. A side benefit, although I would recommend Weight Watchers instead of becoming critically ill, is he lost 50 pounds from when he got sick. (He was overweight) He is doing great and I am so thankful for all the prayers and good thoughts while we were going through the worst of it. It sustained me through some of the darkest hours when I thought I would lose my beloved husband and I am absolutely certain, that the prayers and good thoughts are why he is alive and recovering so well. There are too many things that happened the one and only way they could for him to survive and that happened many times over.

Well this is already way too long, but I just wanted to introduce myself, since I suspect I'll need the support as losing my mom really sinks in. We're having her memorial services the beginning of March. My mom was only 60. <sigh>
Cherie2's Avatar Cherie2 08:09 PM 04-17-2008
this is my first mothers day without my mama, and I am getting a little bit scared ... also her birthday is June 13 ... i was thinking about having a birthday party for her
mum4boys's Avatar mum4boys 03:56 PM 04-19-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by thewaggonerfamily View Post
nak, oht
I will share my mom's story later (Its in greif forum abt the 1st week in Dec) and I'm going back to read all of yours... but I was in Meijers and started crying when I saw the Mothers day cards. I just wanted to share with someone who understands. <sigh>
Hugs and welcome to our sad little group.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherie2 View Post
this is my first mothers day without my mama, and I am getting a little bit scared ... also her birthday is June 13 ... i was thinking about having a birthday party for her

I think there are a lot of us here that this will be our first mother's day. I am not sure how I will handle it. I keep on finding my mom the perfect mother's day gift. You know how hard it was to find on perfect gift? This year I have found like 10.
notwonamesalike's Avatar notwonamesalike 04:26 PM 04-19-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherie2 View Post
this is my first mothers day without my mama, and I am getting a little bit scared ... also her birthday is June 13 ... i was thinking about having a birthday party for her
My family, and mom's sisters and her own mother all get together the weekend of her birthday. We all go out to eat and share memories of Mom. We've been doing this for 3 years, and I love it.
mum4boys's Avatar mum4boys 08:48 PM 04-25-2008
bump
mamasgroovin's Avatar mamasgroovin 10:43 PM 04-25-2008
How ya doing??
papschmitty's Avatar papschmitty 10:49 AM 04-28-2008
Holy @#$%! I just took a pg test this morning and it was positive! We had to do fertility treatments to get pg with DD. I haven't been on birth control since we started TTC DD and she's two. I've been doing acupuncture and TCM for about 6 mos now but I never thought I'd really, truly get pg on my own. I am in total shock. It's 5:45 am so the only person I've told is DH. I'm so happy, so scared, and so sad for my mom all at the same time. Holy @#$%, I'm PREGNANT! :::
mamasgroovin's Avatar mamasgroovin 11:18 AM 04-28-2008
: :
mum4boys's Avatar mum4boys 01:44 PM 04-29-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by papschmitty View Post
Holy @#$%! I just took a pg test this morning and it was positive! We had to do fertility treatments to get pg with DD. I haven't been on birth control since we started TTC DD and she's two. I've been doing acupuncture and TCM for about 6 mos now but I never thought I'd really, truly get pg on my own. I am in total shock. It's 5:45 am so the only person I've told is DH. I'm so happy, so scared, and so sad for my mom all at the same time. Holy @#$%, I'm PREGNANT! :::
I am so happy for you. Congratulations.
papschmitty's Avatar papschmitty 02:11 PM 04-29-2008
Thank you so much everyone! Yesterday, I had a little conversation with God. I asked him to please give me a sign that my knows about this pregnancy and is watching over me. As I was driving home from work, there was the most beautiful, huge rainbow in the sky. I felt such peace. I really miss having my mom to be excited with me but I'm feeling remarkably strong in the emotions department (though I'm starting to get choked up as I type this). It's kind of surprising really. I debated about whether or not to tell my dad this early. He can't keep happy secrets like this very well and doesn't have my mom there to keep him in check. I thought about it, though, and I knew he'd be devastated if he knew I chose not to tell him right away. So far he's kept his mouth shut but it's only been 24 hours. I stopped by his office on my way home (DD's daycare is next door) and he kept giving me that silly "I know something special" grin. I don't think I'm going to be able to keep this pregnancy a secret very long. I'm just still is such shock! If my mom were here, she'd already be out shopping for stuff for me and the baby. She loved getting stuff for her grandkids!

How is everyone else doing?
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