I totally get that. It is taboo. I think people in general try to stay away from emotional wrecking situations, therefore they don't ask. And I can't really blame them you never know how one is going to react. I remember once when I moved back to the small town where my mom lived I ran into a friend's mother and she asked me how my mom was. This was a REALLY small town...everyone knows everything. Well, I was pretty shocked and looked coldly at her and simply said, "Dead."
And then there were times I wanted people to say, how are you without your mom this year? And when people did ask me how I was doing I'd feel like saying, "Duh...I'm a wreck. My mom is dead, do you even need to ask?" Of course I would respond politely, most of the time.
I was never happy because I didn't want to be happy. Or maybe I just wasn't ready. The grass is always greener on the other side, right? Healing takes a long time.
So on a side note, I was putting my daughter to bed last night and she is kind of like a connection for me to my mom even though they have never met (she's almost 4
: and mom died 15 years ago) and I often get emotional after visiting this tribe. So I gave Carrie an squeeze but she was already fast asleep. She did move a bit so I quietly whisper with a chuckle, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cramp your style." And she sat up in a TOTALLY daze and said, "It's OK, mama," and was out like a light again. Weird!!!