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Old 12-31-2008, 05:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
It doesn't mean anything.
But maybe if you're having strong feelings about the loss of the friendship, you should contact the couple and try to work things out?
I have tried. They are busy a lot. And they are both under a lot of stress lately due to a serious illness she has had. It's hard to know when to intrude and when to stay away. Especially when I call or email and they take a while to get back to me. The rift in the friendship has never quite been adequately repaired, and the husband has said to me before, not too long ago, "it's not like you guys call us much either". But I don't think he understands how I don't know how to interact when they are going through some really tough times.

The other thing is that occasionally (in the past), occasionally there were be suggestive comments made in jest. Like when he took me to pick up some kittens that were at his town's animal control shelter, when I was on the phone with dh telling him about it, he said, "tell J that I'm taking you to a hotel". Ha, ha pretty funny...and I repeat it to dh and we all laugh. But really, that's what makes me think this is where the dreams come from.

On the surface, the joking around doesn't make me too uncomfortable, because I "get" that it is only teasing. But subconsciously, my brain processes it a different way.

This particular dream came two days after receiving a "joke" email. They knew I have been sick with a sore throat and I lost my voice. One of them (the husband or the wife, I don't know which because they share an email address for some strange reason), sent me a dirty comic about how to "cure" a sore throat. There was no way I could be certain who sent it to me - the husband or the wife because they didn't say who sent it. But rarely does the husband send me anything and usually if the wife does, she always ends, Love....

I took it in stride, open minded as I am, though I find it hard to believe the wife sent it, even though she is pretty open-minded about such things. But on the other hand, I also find it hard to believe that the husband would be so forward and/or stupid to send it even if it was funny because he has no idea how I'd react and his wife could easily read it and not take it so funny.

AFA me having any feelings for the husband, I feel he can be a jerk and opinionated at times, but mostly he is funny and has a nice smile. But he's got good communication skills (and so does his wife), and I fill my tank of needing adult conversation when I'm with either one of them (as a SAHM that tank can get empty quite easily). When I'm with both, it's kind of overload, because they can literally have two conversations with me at once, talking over each other, while I struggle to keep up. But as long as they don't talk so fast, it's okay.

I don't know, but ever since I was a child, I struggle with needing to be loved and understood. Not just by dh (who does a really good job of that), but by certain friends too. The dreams disturb me because they feel too real. Do I want a physical relationship with the guy - not at all. Do I want him to love me? Definitely not the way two lovers do, but I feel a part of me still wants a deep abiding affection kind of platonic love. I don't know if you can have that with the opposite sex without it being misunderstood, though.

I thought I have read about famous writers who have written beautiful works about that kind of platonic love in friendship. But again, I don't know how that all works out in modern day times.

Is it weird to want to be loved by your friends even if they are the opposite sex without it being suggestive of physical stuff? I keep thinking it is due to the fact I wasn't loved enough as a child, and I had a very controlling mother who showed she loved you by criticizing you and a step-father who really did not like me at all for the longest time.

Just so you know, I'm 38, and not some youngster prone to infatuations. I've had a healthy 11 year marriage, yet, I've felt connected to and felt very fondly of certain people over the years. Most times they happened to be male - though I have also felt close to a couple of women (not many, but a few).

Anyway, sometimes I want the dreams to stop because they hurt me emotionally and make me confused. And I want to tell the person I dream about that they are that important enough to me that I dream about them, but of course, I can't because that would be too forward and weird and they would think I'm just coming on to them. It's so not that! So I hold it inside and I feel physically pained to do so.

Sometimes I love my friends (both males and females) so dearly that it hurts. But to express those feelings are next to impossible without being misconstrued or you being looked at as too intense and weird and maybe even a little shameful. I don't know. I sometimes feel I want to see a therapist for it.

I think I love waaaayyyy too much to be a normal human being.

Whew...this has taken a lot out of me. It's not like I can talk about these things to dh, or even blog about them or journal about them because I'm afraid of being found out and misunderstood. I don't think even I would understand it if my dh felt as intensely as I do about certain people.

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Old 01-01-2009, 07:00 AM
 
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Old 01-01-2009, 07:39 AM
 
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I had a really weird dream last night too.

We were living in our house (not "our" house, irl, but it was ours, and it was on a community), and it was new years eve, but we were all going to bed early. we just got into bed and dp and i started snuggling, when some people came into the house for a party. that was strange, but i greeted them. then loads more people started coming, and a band showed up with equipment and started setting up.

I finally realised that some other people who lived on the community were holding a new years eve party, but hadn't wanted to do it in their houses, so volunteered our house for it, without letting us know.

Once I realised that I got really angry, well, i didn't feel all that angry, but I was trying to show just how outrageously out of line they had all been. I was shouting at this guy who also lived on the community, but wasn't the organiser (but he'd been aware of the plans). He just listened to me, not saying anything, with a kind of condescending look on his face. then someone told me off for making a scene.

I said I'm not making a scene, it's all these people who made a party in my house and invited a huge bunch of people and a live band with amps without telling me or asking. By then quite a crowd was arriving, and I made this big announcement that the party was actually going to be in the house of the people who organised it. (the couple weren't there yet - they were still at their house getting ready).

I convinced the band members to move to the other house, that was maybe 200 metres away, and to make my point, picked up one of the speakers and started carrying it to the other house.

when I got to the other house, the couple were there, just getting out of the shower. they were really annoyed that I was bringing all these people into their house. I went to speak to the woman, to tell her that it was totally not okay for them to organise a party in our house without asking us, but she wouldn't listen to me.

she turned her head away and somehow closed her whole face down. I was grabbing her, trying to get her to look at me and listen to me, but she wouldn't.

I think then I went back to our house, and the party pretty much all moved out, but some friends of dd were there playing, and I went catching and killing rats.

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Old 01-02-2009, 12:43 PM
 
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Yeah, that is a pretty strange dream. Is anyone undermining your authority IRL and it came out as a dream?

I spent all of the day after that dream feeling very sentimental and melancholy. That's the problem I have after emotional dreams. Today I feel like, "eh, what was the big deal", except I know that the dreams like that do affect me at least for a day afterward and no matter how I try to push them out of my mind, I still end up with very troubled by them.

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