"Parenting Our Parents" Tribe: Important Winter + Elderly Concerns Alert! Please read POST 25 (page 2) - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 57 Old 12-15-2008, 08:42 PM
 
riversong's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,766
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry to hear about your grandma, Monarchgrrl. How are you feeling about everything?
riversong is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#32 of 57 Old 12-15-2008, 08:51 PM
 
riversong's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,766
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm new here, but I've read through the posts.

My mom has Alzheimer's and my dad is her caretaker (though I use that term lightly as he does not care for her adequately.) My parents moved across the country to live near us one year ago. I'm trying hard to work with my dad and get the two of them into an assisted living facility. My mom desperately needs more care and mental stimulation as her disease is progressing rapidly.

I'm a SAHM to two kids and a third one on the way. If my kids were much older I'd take my mom in to live with me, but at this point I think I'd have a nervous breakdown if I did that. I do try to help as much as I can with taking my mom out or home with us once a week so my dad can have time alone. I've also set up Meals on Wheels (which my dad canceled after a week) and researched day care options for my mom, in home help with her care and with cleaning, but my dad refuses all of it. Thankfully he finally seems to see the need for moving into an assisted living facility.

Last week I reported my dad to Adult Protective Services for neglecting (not providing enough food) and verbally abusing my mom. I'm concerned it will turn into physical abuse when she becomes incontinent.

Life is tough right now.
riversong is offline  
#33 of 57 Old 12-15-2008, 08:56 PM
 
Monarchgrrl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 2,217
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by riversong View Post
I'm sorry to hear about your grandma, Monarchgrrl. How are you feeling about everything?
Thank you!

I have lots of feelings right now. They're mixed. She was in a lot of pain from cancer and really wanted to die. But it's hard to just be relieved for her. Part of me is relieved. The last time I saw her was a month ago, when we had to put her in a nursing home. She was crying before we left about the pain and her, me and my mom had a real special (but heart-wrenching) moment. She was like a little girl and my mom had to be the mother and really feel her pain for her. I was crying because it was so hard to see her like that.

She was so happy to see me then though! I miss her.

I'm stressed because of all the arrangements to be done.

I'm so sad because I lost my brother in Iraq and my grandma in 9 months time. I can't imagine how my mom feels, losing her son and mother within 9 months!

Beth- WOHM slinggirl.gif  -Madly in love with my Wife- SAHMhola.gifandbabyf.gifSophia, born 11/2/10, at home! homebirth.jpgExpressing love, one ounce at a time!  1pump.gif

Monarchgrrl is offline  
#34 of 57 Old 12-16-2008, 03:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
grahamsmom98's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 2,262
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Peppermint Leaf, I am so sorry for what you are dealing with right now. Take it one day at a time and make sure you say what you want to say to him. Even if you think he might not be aware of you, say those things that you want him to know. Let him know that you will make sure Mom is okay and that he doesn't need ot worry about her. Keep posting here, that's what this thread is about: support, venting, crying and sharing information.

Monarchgrrl, my condolences on your loss. Of course you have mixed feelings! I felt weird about being relieved that for the first time in 13 years I didn't have to arrange for my Dad to be here for the holidays and missing sleep because I am waiting to smell cigarette smoke from his smoking in the house (we don't allow that!). I miss the smoker, but I don't miss the smoking!

I understand the stress about arrangements. What do you need to know, maybe I can help? I know there is so much to handle. But, know this, many of the things CAN wait. Don't feel pressured into anything. Talk to us.

riversong, another I am sorry for your situation. Good for you on reporting your Dad. I know how difficult that must be for you. But, you have to be realistic and know that you are being an advocate for your Mom's health and safety.

We all are doing a hard job and it takes its toll on us and our families. We are the ones doing "payback" for the times they cared for us. Sometimes, as in my instance, we do it solo, with no help or support from siblings (I have 3 and they are completely absent). I have not heard from any of them since I called them on Nov. 13th, to tell them that our Dad was buried that day. No calls to ask how Mom is doing, nothing. : Thank goodness I have such great support in my dh and ds. I'd be lost without those two!

Let's keep the wonderful words going here and helping each other however we can.
grahamsmom98 is offline  
#35 of 57 Old 12-16-2008, 04:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
grahamsmom98's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 2,262
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
PSA: ASSISTED LIVING INFORMATION ALERT!!

I was on the phone today talking to the insurance company (USAA) regarding my Dad's estate. I had to cancel his auto insurance and the gal & I were talking about where my Mom lives (in a lovely assisted living residence just a few minutes away from us).

The gal asked if Mom had renter's insurance for assisted living? I asked what she meant.

She explained that the employees of the residence are covered (insurance-wise) from injury caused by a resident (accidently or on purpose) through their employer or L&I.

However if, for example, my Mom accidently bumped another resident and that resident fell and was injured, the resident or their family could sue Mom (and us, by association) for whatever they want!!

This special renters insurance would cover Mom for up to $300,000 for just $50 per year (more is available). And, as my Mom has a separate umbrella policy with this company (USAA), as well, she is covered for a cool $1 million, in addition.

So, if you have a loved one in an assisted living facility, call their/your insurance company and ask about this type of coverage. With the difficulties of balance, mental problems that go with dementia/Alz, and the concerns that could come with injuring someone else in a residence/facility, it could be a very important investment for the entire family and it isn't very expensive. Even something as simple as a UTI can cause dementia-like results and behavioral problems (such as agression) in the elderly!

Just wanted you all to know about this. I didn't, and wish someone had told me about this a long time ago!
grahamsmom98 is offline  
#36 of 57 Old 12-16-2008, 09:01 PM
 
riversong's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,766
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is good to know, grahamsmom98. I'll be sure to ask the assisted living facility about it before my parents decide to move in. Also, thanks for the information about hypothermia.

Dh and I are worried that if something were to happen to my dad in their apartment, my mom wouldn't be able to find help. I hope she would go to a neighbor's door, but I don't think she can handle calling anyone.
riversong is offline  
#37 of 57 Old 12-17-2008, 06:33 PM
 
azzeps's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 545
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi all,

Thanks for starting this thread. Wow, everyone is dealing with some very difficult situations. My condolences to those of you who have lost loved ones recently.

I'd like to join. I'm a caregiver 2-3 days per week for my elderly grandparents (grandma, age 90, omi, age 86 and opa, age 86). They all live with my parents. None of them drive anymore. Of the three, grandma is probably the most independent and does whatever she can to stay that way. She mostly needs rides to appointments, doctor visits, shopping, etc.

Omi and Opa are much worse off. Actually, Omi really should be in some kind of care facility but they have no money and the places that would take them, my Mom didn't want to put them, especially with Grandma getting to stay with my parents. O & O would never understand why they had to live somewhere else when Grandma could stay, even if it was because they needed more care. So the solution has been that my DD (9 mos) and I are daytime caregivers, and my Mom does all the rest. She's looking to hire one more caregiver for the rest of the week as she does work at my Dad's office doing the bookkeeping.

In January I will be helping my Mom get licensed as an Adult Foster Care Home, so that Omi and Opa can receive Medicare payments. Their only income currently is Social Security, which gets eaten up by insurance payments, medicine, etc. and they have no savings anymore. The Medicare payments would just be to pay caregivers for daytime help. Has anyone done something like this?

Well, I hope you all are doing okay with the holidays coming. I know it can cause a lot of stress within the family, just with all the pressure to get things done. I'll try to pop in here at least once a week, more if I can!

Take care!
Jen

Mama to a daughter (3/2008) and a son (7/2011)
azzeps is offline  
#38 of 57 Old 02-11-2009, 07:48 PM
 
JessicaS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 42,897
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


We have some requests

Not all those who wander are lost 
JessicaS is offline  
#39 of 57 Old 02-11-2009, 08:19 PM
 
Monarchgrrl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 2,217
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks! I almost forgot about this thread!

Here are some updates from me:

My grandma's memorial and funeral was beautiful. She would have approved for sure.

My grandpa is struggling with remembering things lately. I think he's happy to have control over his money again! I keep watch online to make sure he's paying his bills and not bouncing checks, though. He's doing a good job.

He mailed me all of his tax stuff for me to do them for him. We'll see how that goes...I'm an Accountant but NOT a CPA. But if I need help, he'll pay for it.

He is making plans for the future, which is great. He's thinking about traveling.

How is everyone else doing?

Beth- WOHM slinggirl.gif  -Madly in love with my Wife- SAHMhola.gifandbabyf.gifSophia, born 11/2/10, at home! homebirth.jpgExpressing love, one ounce at a time!  1pump.gif

Monarchgrrl is offline  
#40 of 57 Old 02-12-2009, 01:52 AM
 
mom2ponygirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,549
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi, I am so glad to find this thread! Of course, now that I find it I am too tired to post. I'll try to get back in a few days. We're dealing with my mom, 78 who had a double knee replacement a few days ago. She has many issues with mild dementia, stroke, anger and verbally abusive behavior, and not so rational behavior. My dad is 82 and getting completely stressed out. My siblings and I are trying to work out how to help. My sister is coming into town tomorrow and we're going to be talking with dad and her doctor. I'd love to be able to have a place to bounce some ideas around.
Thanks!
mom2ponygirl is offline  
#41 of 57 Old 02-12-2009, 05:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
grahamsmom98's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 2,262
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Thanks for updating this thread!

It's been a long one for us. The heavy snowload (Spokane, Washington) on my Dad's roof caused its collapse sometime in early January. So, we've been dealing with the contractor and insurance company (both, by the way, have been really great to work with ). The repair work is 100% covered by the insurance, so that is not a worry.

The contractor has been coming out every other day to put snow-melt on the roof to help break-up the huge ice dam up there. But, it will sitll be awhile longer before they can really begin repair work (stability issues). Until then, the roof has been shored-up to prevent further collapse.

The deck on the house is at a bit of an angle, so that will probably need replacing, as well.

We can't go into the house until we know exactly how bad things are. Plus, there is still a 3' high berm of solid ice blocking the driveway (from the street plowing), so no-go on putting in a dumpster to begin the tossing of the house contents.

We are going to throw everything in the house away. Too much cigarette smoke contamination to deal with. We live over an hour away and I am not up to a garage/yard sale in the Spring (too much to clean). I don't want to do it, so it is easier to toss the contents of the house away.

I removed anything of sentimental value already. In fact, while cleaning a bunch of Mom's jewelry and picture frames and some glassware, I ended up with nicotine poisoning from the contaminated cleaning water (I didn't wear gloves). We'll all be wearing gloves as we toss things in the dumpster!

The next BIG job will be renovating and upgrading the house to put it on the market in the late Spring. I plan to make it as enjoyable a job as I possibly can! With its location in the city and the improvements, I think it will sell fairly quickly, even given the current economy.

My Mom is doing better. The cast came off just before Christmas and she showed such improvement from her first two weeks of PT (three times a week), that they told her she didn't need the full 6 weeks of PT. Yea!!! She is walking without any limp or use of her walker. She started her daily walks, again, as well.

She has begun to have some bladder incontinence problems, so I have had to increase the nights I go over to give her a bath (she refuses to allow any of the aides to assist her into the tub). Now, I am over there 5 nights a week (more if she has had an accident). Its difficult but I don't want her to end up with a bladder infection. Dh and ds are wonderfully supportive of my increased time away from them.

No word from my worthless siblings since Dad's burial. They haven't called once. Well, that's not true, my sister called and left a message on Mom's answering machine sometime in January (we were at PT). But, they haven't called here to ask me how Mom is doing, not even to wish Mom a Merry Christmas (they knew she would be with us).

On the other hand, local friends always ask how she is and they visit her, as well (I never asked them to, they are simply kind and thoughtful people).

I received the autopsy report on my Dad. I wish I hadn't read it. I guess I was naive, I didn't realize it would be so detailed. Take my advice, if you have the opportunity to read one about your parents, DON'T. It is heartbreaking.

All the things regarding Dad's estate and life insurance benefits (for Mom) are completed. I will be taking their taxes to H&R Block, as I did last year, it sure made things easy and wasn't expensive.

We have begun the design of my parent's headstone. Since they will be in the same plot (Dad was buried, Mom wants to be cremated), we will have one stone. It is going to be a beautiful Air Force-blue granite (quarried in Norway, I think). We'll have both their pictures on it with a B-24 (the plane he flew during WWII and held a special place in his heart) on Dad's half and Egyptian hieroglyphics on Mom's half (she loves anything to do with Egypt). It will be really cool with traces of their humor on it. It will be placed sometime around Memorial Dad (when the snow should finally, be gone!).

I hope everyone else is doing okay. Let's keep this thread rolling!
grahamsmom98 is offline  
#42 of 57 Old 02-12-2009, 07:14 PM
 
flapjack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: England, easily locatable by Google
Posts: 13,495
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We're here. FIL is out of hospital, and his daily medications have been changed so he's on a lot less painkillers than previously- I'm hoping that with the infections gone he's going to remain pain-free, but rheumatoid arthritis is a bugger. He's bright and cheerful and glad to be home, so that's something

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
flapjack is offline  
#43 of 57 Old 02-17-2009, 09:07 AM
 
tinybutterfly's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 9,821
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi!

I haven't read all the replies yet, will do that when I have more time!

I am not caring for my mom yet, but will need to bring her back down this way soon. Probably this year.

She is 73, still working part-time, doing kind of okay, but really she needs to be closer to where we live.

It's a long story, but I'll save it for another day. She can be a bit difficult.

Thanks for the link!


"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato
tinybutterfly is offline  
#44 of 57 Old 02-19-2009, 04:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
grahamsmom98's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 2,262
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
In another forum, a poster mentioned not liking the current name of this thread/tribe (Parenting Our Parents).

I understand, especially if your are caring for grandparents or relatives other than parents!

So, let's brainstorm and come up with something that fits everyone, okay?

Some "tribe Title" ideas:

ElderCare Providers
Life With Seniors
Multi-Generation Caregivers
Caring For Elderly Relatives
Aiding the Aged
The Wrinkle Room: A refuge for caregivers

Here's some more:

Minding Our Elders: Caregiver Support
The ElderCare Cafe
Juniors To Seniors: Caregivers In the Middle
The Transitions Tribe: Caring for the Young and the Elderly
grahamsmom98 is offline  
#45 of 57 Old 02-19-2009, 08:53 PM
 
Monarchgrrl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 2,217
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by grahamsmom98 View Post
In another forum, a poster mentioned not liking the current name of this thread/tribe (Parenting Our Parents).

I understand, especially if your are caring for grandparents or relatives other than parents!

So, let's brainstorm and come up with something that fits everyone, okay?

Some "tribe Title" ideas:

ElderCare Providers
Life With Seniors
Multi-Generation Caregivers
Caring For Elderly Relatives
Aiding the Aged
The Wrinkle Room: A refuge for caregivers

I LOVE The Wrinkle Room: A refuge for caregivers. My 2nd vote would be Caring for Elderly Relatives, it's to the point. But we definitely could use a little laugh every time we come to this thread, I think.

Beth- WOHM slinggirl.gif  -Madly in love with my Wife- SAHMhola.gifandbabyf.gifSophia, born 11/2/10, at home! homebirth.jpgExpressing love, one ounce at a time!  1pump.gif

Monarchgrrl is offline  
#46 of 57 Old 02-19-2009, 09:56 PM
 
Turkish Kate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Body in Jax FL, Heart in Istanbul
Posts: 1,612
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I didn't realize that anyone had an issue with the title, although I'll admit that I haven't had time to keep up. For me, "Parenting our Parents" is an apt title, as MIL is 85, has chronic diabetes, related dementia, and is more like a third child for us than anything else. She is exactly like a 180-pound-toddler, complete with the tantrums, food issues, and toileting concerns.
Turkish Kate is offline  
#47 of 57 Old 02-20-2009, 03:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
grahamsmom98's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 2,262
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Okay, here are some ideas for possible name changes for this thread/tribe. Let me know if any of these appeal to you or if you want to just keep it the same (Parenting Our Parents).

I think the concern about the POP title is more along the lines of what defines "parenting": raising children, and though some elderly parents may need the same care that children require, they are still our parents (or, other older relatives ).

This is YOUR forum, a place for the caregivers of older relatives. You can share your triumphs & tragedies, laughter & tears and rants & raves. You can discuss problems, ask advice, share ideas, offer suggestions, point-out resources, give recommendations (or, warn about the same!).

This is the place to talk about how caring for an older relative affects your life, and how you affect their lives. How do you do it all, and what happens if you can't! Are you relatives happy with things? Are you? Is your family? Do you see this as an opportunity, a blessing or a sentence?

We all need somewhere to tell how we really feel about things and not be judged!

There are several message boards on the internet for caregivers, but I haven't found any that really connect to the whole "attachment" ethic that goes with Mothering. I hope this MDC outlet will fulfill that need for those of us here that need it!

So, in light of that, let's hear what everyone thinks if tribe titles!! If you have any others, feel free to pm me and I'll update the list (in a new post so you don't have to keep coming back to this one!).

Here are some "tribal" titles suggestions thus far:

ElderCare Providers

Life With Seniors

Multi-Generation Caregivers

Caring For Elderly Relatives

Aiding the Aged

The Wrinkle Room: A refuge for caregivers

Minding Our Elders: Caregiver Support

The ElderCare Cafe

Juniors To Seniors: Caregivers In the Middle

The Transitions Tribe: Caring for the Young and the Elderly
grahamsmom98 is offline  
#48 of 57 Old 02-25-2009, 03:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
grahamsmom98's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 2,262
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Bump......
grahamsmom98 is offline  
#49 of 57 Old 03-05-2009, 08:53 PM
 
tinybutterfly's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 9,821
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I keep meaning to come read and reply. I've read some of the posts.

We aren't fully into caring for our parents yet, but it is coming.

MIL has dementia. FIL is taking care of her. She is just now starting to deteriorate a lot. They live 2 hours away.

My mom moved down here several years ago, then moved back up north about 5 hours away, then we ( my brother and I ) were talking about moving her back down here, but now she is talking about moving to government housing in another neighboring state that has good benefits. It's really kind of complicated and on a public board I won't go into it.

Our dad is in pretty good shape except for his shoulders. He has remarried and he and our step-mom are doing well. They live half the year about 6 hours away and half the year in Florida.

We will be responsible for my husband's sister when FIL and MIL are gone, but they don't want her moved from where she is in a nursing home that she has been in for many years. K doesn't do well with change they say.

My children are older, so that will help. I am hoping we don't get into the thick of all this until ds#2 has graduated from highschool.

The situation with our mom is complicated...

I'll get this thread read eventually.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato
tinybutterfly is offline  
#50 of 57 Old 03-06-2009, 01:40 AM
 
sky_and_lavender's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,139
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi everyone,

My situation is not exactly like other people here. In reading your posts, I really admire your patience and dedication. I hope I will be so good now that my time has come.

My parents are still pretty young (60) but they both suffer from severe chronic illnesses (physical and mental), are unemployed and basically destitute now. So soon they will likely be coming to live with us. I am pregnant with my first child, and very worried about having my parents around my child. We have a lot to figure out financially (how to handle this and support them without ruining ourselves) and logistically (how to get rid of their stuff which they will soon be unable to house.)

I'm having a really hard time dealing with this emotionally and wonder if any of you know of any resources--books, anything--to help me adjust to this new situation. I'm 31 and realize we will probably be taking care of them for the rest of their lives. I love them but I'm completely overwhelmed by their dysfunctions and needs. I'm just not sure how my husband and I will cope. (Luckily I have a very supportive and level-headed, family-oriented husband.)

Thanks everyone, and take good care of yourselves.


Mama to a bilingual (Arabic/English) and cuddly 3 year old, and planning another peaceful homebirth in June.
 

sky_and_lavender is offline  
#51 of 57 Old 03-06-2009, 02:32 PM
 
Turkish Kate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Body in Jax FL, Heart in Istanbul
Posts: 1,612
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I need some advice from anyone familiar with incontinence products. MIL is completely incontinent of urine, and while we can manage fairly well during the day, nighttime is a huge challenge. She wears pull-up-type "undergarments" but they are simply not absorbent enough at night. Even when DH wakes her at 1 or 2 am to change, she is dry, but then apparently wets just before waking in the morning, soaking her nightclothes, bedding, and whatever else is in the vicinity, to the point of urine pooling on the floor. We've tried different brands, wearing a larger one over top of the regular size one she wears, have chux pads on the bed (that get soaked through), and now we are at a total loss for what to do. Any suggestions?
Turkish Kate is offline  
#52 of 57 Old 03-29-2009, 06:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
grahamsmom98's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 2,262
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Bump.....
grahamsmom98 is offline  
#53 of 57 Old 03-29-2009, 07:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
grahamsmom98's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 2,262
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Quote:
Turkish Kate wrote: I need some advice from anyone familiar with incontinence products. MIL is completely incontinent of urine, and while we can manage fairly well during the day, nighttime is a huge challenge. She wears pull-up-type "undergarments" but they are simply not absorbent enough at night. Even when DH wakes her at 1 or 2 am to change, she is dry, but then apparently wets just before waking in the morning, soaking her nightclothes, bedding, and whatever else is in the vicinity, to the point of urine pooling on the floor. We've tried different brands, wearing a larger one over top of the regular size one she wears, have chux pads on the bed (that get soaked through), and now we are at a total loss for what to do. Any suggestions?
Hi, Kate! Welcome to our tribal thread!

Sorry I didn't reply earlier. I have been dealing with similar issues with my Mom. I found the products available at the website for Elder Store to be wonderful!

Here is the link to their webpage dealing with Furniture and Bedding Protectors for Incontinence products:

http://www.elderstore.com/furniture-...nence_187.aspx

For her incontinence problems, I have purchased:

Protective Chair Pad (these fit nicely on the dining room chairs and in the car).

The Soaker Bed Pad with Wings, works great, and is quiet, versus the crib pads we had used previously! I bought three, so one can be changed-out, if needed with a spare as back-up, while the soiled one is in the wash.

I do have a moisture-proof mattress cover on the bed she uses both here at our house, as well as her bed at her assisted living apartment. But, the Soaker Bed Pad is easy to change (I keep it on top of the sheet, Mom doesn't move around much in her sleep) so it is pretty easy to change, if we need to, without having to change the sheets, as well.

Soft Quilt Seat Protectors for Incontinence (which come in blue, mocha, cabernet and spruce; I bought the mocha and cabernet). I bought several of these, as well. I put one on her La-Z-Boy recliner in her apartment so that the chair remains clean if she has an accident (sometimes, she is unaware it has happened).

All of these wash and dry like a breeze, no problems with staining or odor retention (I do use Heavy Duty Febreeze in the washer when I clean them, just to make sure they remain fresh).

Elder Store also sells panties and pads for incontinence users, as well. I am going to buy Mom some of the panties, I just need to get her waist measured first!! She currently uses folded-up Kleenex as a "pad" in her underwear. I bought her some regular pads, but she forgets about them (she also forgets she has a problem). The Kleenex, obviousy, hasn't any absorbing qualities, so these undies will be, I hope, a nice back-up for her, as I know she will continue to use the tissues.

Everything I have ordered from ElderStore has been great and they are very nice, if you call them. I give them a BIG recommendation!

For under her bed, what about getting one of those plastic floor covers that you use on top of carpeting under desks (so that the chair will roll easily). I know they come in different shapes and sizes. With one of those and a rubber-backed floor rug (like you would use in a bathroom), she couldn't slip, the urine wouldn't go through to the flooring and all of it is washable.

Or, install linoleum or vinyl flooring in her room, as another idea.

Anything else we can help with, just ask!! Again, welcome!!
grahamsmom98 is offline  
#54 of 57 Old 07-05-2009, 07:00 PM
 
stormborn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,696
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 24 Post(s)
I meant to join this tribe earlier and I hate to do it on a bad note, but is it okay to vent on this thread? I really don't know how much more of this I can take.:
stormborn is offline  
#55 of 57 Old 07-15-2009, 02:15 PM
 
SuzyLee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,542
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Turkish Kate View Post
I need some advice from anyone familiar with incontinence products. MIL is completely incontinent of urine, and while we can manage fairly well during the day, nighttime is a huge challenge. She wears pull-up-type "undergarments" but they are simply not absorbent enough at night. Even when DH wakes her at 1 or 2 am to change, she is dry, but then apparently wets just before waking in the morning, soaking her nightclothes, bedding, and whatever else is in the vicinity, to the point of urine pooling on the floor. We've tried different brands, wearing a larger one over top of the regular size one she wears, have chux pads on the bed (that get soaked through), and now we are at a total loss for what to do. Any suggestions?
We do this for my toddler (more for vomit protection than pee but whatever works, right? We have a plastic mattress cover and then we put like 4 flannel sheets on it (2 flat sheets down first then 2 fitted sheets). The flannel absorbs a lot more than regular sheets. You could even have a WAHM diaper sewer make a giant hemp pad to put under the flannel sheet. Or tuck a few layers of towels under where her bum is.

I honestly doubt you are ever going to find a "depends" type underwear that will hold so much, so I would change my tactic to very absorbant bedding that you put in the wash every morning, so that at least you don't have to clean up the floor too!

Suzan, mama to DS 9-18-07 and #2 EDD 3/4/10 GIRL!.
SuzyLee is offline  
#56 of 57 Old 07-17-2009, 02:46 AM
 
michelleklu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Fort Drum, NY
Posts: 275
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi, someone finally directed me here after I posted in personal growth. I knew you guys were somewhere here but couldn't find you through the search box. Here's my post from personal growth:

Isn't there a Parenting Our Parents thread somewhere? Maybe I'm just thinking of the Estranged Parents one, hah.

Anyone have parents that need financial help? MIL hasn't held a real job all her life doesn't have any money saved for a house or retirement and probably has a lot of debt. We don't want her to move in with us for several reasons. She also has another son and daughter that wouldn't take her in. Ugh, we sound horrible but my family is going to live in California, she doesn't want to leave Indiana, she smokes so much, and she makes me feel uncomfortable.

ANYWAY, does any one else send money to their parents? My parents send money to my grandma for no reason really since my grandma has a lot of money and they want her to move in with them, but the suggested that we send money to my MIL. So, how do you decide how much? We're still fighting off a $2k credit card and car loan through Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and I was thinking that we should only send money when we are debt free. She's already living in her own apartment for no real reason when she could be staying in the halfway home she volunteers to run like she has for many years before. Ugh, I don't know it is just frustrating that I have to pay for the decisions SHE made. I'm a stay at home mom and my husband is in the military so its not like we have money to throw around. Suggestions?

I don't know where this thread belongs I just posted it here because she's toxic and manipulative. Please move the thread to the correct place.

ETA: Should we ask my husband's other siblings to chip in some money? MIL's daughter lives like 40 minutes away from her and won't let her live there because she basically resents her. =/

I won't offer her the money if she won't stop spending it on cigarettes but how am I going to know if she quit or not? Even if I sent her gift certificates to grocery stores or sent some money to the landlord, she could use her extra money on smoking.
michelleklu is offline  
#57 of 57 Old 08-06-2009, 08:57 PM
 
ghostlykisses's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: The Northeast Kingdom of Vermont
Posts: 314
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Has this tribe died?

I take care of my husband's grandmother and I could use some support! It is really hard sometimes to care for an adult!

flower.gif Amanda flower.gif

Conservative, Christian, and Crunchy!

Wife of T, Mom of Z18, E15, M14, and D10.

Praying for a Reversal Blessing! 

ghostlykisses is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off