Help with a friend... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 06-20-2009, 01:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have no idea where to put his but, it is so heavy on my heart.

A good friend of mine is going through a very tough time. Her now husband's ex-wife has a 28yo old son (not his) but, he had pains in his stomach and they thought it may be appendicitis. He went to the hospital, had some tests done and they found out he is filled with cancerous tumors. He now has 3 weeks to live I'm shocked and have no idea how to help her. I really want to be there for her and her family, they are all so amazing.

28 is soooo incredibley young It really makes me think twice about my life. It's so short, have we all done what we wanted to? Have I told everyone how much I care about them?!

If you were in my position, what would you do? What would you give to somone like her? It's not *her* son but, it is still effecting her family (he has a 15yo sister my friend will be taking care of when he passes) in a major way. I really wish I was closer so I could do more (she doesn't drive and homeschools her kids(11 and 15?). My heart aches for her and her family.

wife to DH 2/03, mama to DS 3/03 & DD 1/09
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#2 of 13 Old 06-20-2009, 05:17 AM
 
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So sorry to hear what your friend and her family is going through.

Call her or write her a card, expressing your feelings and offering your help, and open ear and any kind of support. Maybe even just cooking a meal for a the family for the freezer, offering to mow the lawn, or even just going shopping, so the family can focus on themselves instead of little things of the daily life.. Especially in the weeks to come, the family will need support from friends and family. From my experience, there is often a lot of help in the beginning, but then people get quiet and don't ask anymore.

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#3 of 13 Old 06-20-2009, 09:47 AM
 
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I agree with belltree! Hugs to your friends!
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#4 of 13 Old 06-20-2009, 08:11 PM
 
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So so sorry to hear about your friends family . That is so awful . When my brother passed away suddenly I used to think I wish we had been given time to say some goodbyes or something . But then I think of having death loom over you must be excurciating . When my brother passed away some one gave my father a very hardy house plant ( since it went unattended in the begining I assume it was hardy ) but now almost a year later my father loves it calls it his "Kieran flower" . Food is also always a nice gesture when people can be come to preoccupied to remember to eat. Or babysitting if her kids are to young to be left alone when they are attending to adult needs or unpleasant buissness - or just give the kids a break from a depressing enviornment .
Best of Luck
IDK if :

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#5 of 13 Old 06-21-2009, 06:42 PM
 
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That is a wonderful idea, Shannon. A plant can represent so much...and help heal our souls. Maybe something that actually heals, like a nice harty aloe vera plant?
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#6 of 13 Old 06-22-2009, 01:49 AM
 
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I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's family. :-( I don't really have much advice to offer.

I will say this though, I know someone who was diagnosed with advanced cancer and was given only 2 weeks to live. That was 17 years ago, and he's still here. Arbitrary estimations of life or death are just that... the doctor's really don't know. The best I can tell you is to try to keep a positive outlook and try in a gentle way to encourage them to do the same.

My dad fought colon cancer for over 5 years and attitude really is everything. Positive vibes headed your way!

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#7 of 13 Old 06-22-2009, 11:42 AM
 
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Joanna-
I read this thread when you first posted and I have been thinking about it ever since. What I would have done has already been suggested...COOK! I think the plant idea and the card and offer for help in any way would be great. Just letting her know your there if she needs anything can be helpful and may bring you closer together.
I'm so sorry your friend is going through this and I just wanted to let you know you and she are in our family's thoughts.

artist mama to two BEAUTIFUL boys, Gabe 3/7/06 and Judah 9/23/09
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#8 of 13 Old 06-22-2009, 02:12 PM
 
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I'm so sorry Joanna! . I'll keep a good thought for your friend and her family.

I also think food is always nice. One less thing she'll have to think about, you know?

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#9 of 13 Old 06-22-2009, 07:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks mamas I just hope they aren't giving up after hearing how much time he has left.

wife to DH 2/03, mama to DS 3/03 & DD 1/09
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#10 of 13 Old 06-27-2009, 04:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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A quick update-

M's mother tried to care for him, as any mother would but, the tumors spread to his brain causing him to have hallucinations and his body was shutting down. He went into hospice care on Tuesday and passed away Thursday. May his soul rest in peace

wife to DH 2/03, mama to DS 3/03 & DD 1/09
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#11 of 13 Old 06-27-2009, 05:06 PM
 
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I am so very sorry for your loss.
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#12 of 13 Old 06-27-2009, 08:19 PM
 
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How tragic. Sorry for the family's loss.

When my friend's mother passed away very suddenly, we pooled our money and bought a bench, and a tree, planted it their garden for them.
I think they also inscribed the bench at a later date too.

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#13 of 13 Old 06-27-2009, 08:19 PM
 
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Joanna, I am so sorry. Much love and light to you and his family :
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