Do I really want to move back to St. Louis? UPDATE post 38 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 56 Old 06-21-2009, 02:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My husband is having some health issues. I ended up telling the ILs today. They think we need to move back to St. Louis for support. The thought of moving back to STL or Missouri for that matter makes me ill and sad.

Am I being weird about this? We haven't lived in STL for like 15 years but have been back for visits.

Anne, Mama to Conner 2/27/04 blahblah.gif  Gabrielle 2/6/06 W/LMC-TCS, Neurogenic Bladder, AFO & KAFO wearer, Neurogenic Bowel energy.gif & Delaney 5/12/08 mischievous.gif &  Beethoven cat.gif& Gizmo cat.gif

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#2 of 56 Old 06-21-2009, 02:58 PM
 
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What makes you sad about it?

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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#3 of 56 Old 06-21-2009, 07:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Lets see. Dirty, people smoke everywhere, cigarette butts everywhere, people smoke in restaraunts, trash everywhere, high crime rate, gloomy winters, high humidity, hot summers. I hate high humidity and hot temps.

Plus side very good childrens hospital.

Downside - ILs are very conservative. We are not. ILs are somewhat religous, we are Atheist and they don't know yet.

Its just not me. I want desperately to move back to Colorado. I am happiest in the mountains. I wish I was born there.

Anne, Mama to Conner 2/27/04 blahblah.gif  Gabrielle 2/6/06 W/LMC-TCS, Neurogenic Bladder, AFO & KAFO wearer, Neurogenic Bowel energy.gif & Delaney 5/12/08 mischievous.gif &  Beethoven cat.gif& Gizmo cat.gif

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#4 of 56 Old 06-21-2009, 08:00 PM
 
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Once I'm out of here I.am.out.of.here. !! We're planning to move to New England in the next couple of years and there will be no way I'm coming back for more than a week at a time.

That being said, this is my home and there are more benefits than one good hospital...

Angela
Chatty Girl - 3/2006, Lovey Boy - 1/2010, Delicious Baby Girl - 1/2012
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#5 of 56 Old 06-21-2009, 09:37 PM
 
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Lets see. Dirty, people smoke everywhere, cigarette butts everywhere, people smoke in restaraunts, trash everywhere, high crime rate, gloomy winters, high humidity, hot summers. I hate high humidity and hot temps.

Plus side very good childrens hospital.

Downside - ILs are very conservative. We are not. ILs are somewhat religous, we are Atheist and they don't know yet.

Its just not me. I want desperately to move back to Colorado. I am happiest in the mountains. I wish I was born there.
aww well I think if it is that big of a problem then you should at least check into other options first.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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#6 of 56 Old 06-21-2009, 09:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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aww well I think if it is that big of a problem then you should at least check into other options first.
Well one thing I like about STL is toasted raviolis, Imo's, White Castle, Rich and Charlies etc. : Oh and spumoni ice cream!

We have lived in KS twice, Colorado for 6 years, Southern Cal a year and Montana for 18 months. I like a more progressive area like Colorado.

But as I told my friend tonight, we have to do whats right for my husband. I don't want to move back because the family feels I need the support with the kids. Because I do not.

Thanks for listening. I am just trying to talk this through out loud. I appreciate the feed back.

Okay, more good points on moving back to STL please!

Here is a back story on whats going on with my husband.


http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1099364

Anne, Mama to Conner 2/27/04 blahblah.gif  Gabrielle 2/6/06 W/LMC-TCS, Neurogenic Bladder, AFO & KAFO wearer, Neurogenic Bowel energy.gif & Delaney 5/12/08 mischievous.gif &  Beethoven cat.gif& Gizmo cat.gif

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#7 of 56 Old 06-21-2009, 09:58 PM
 
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Well one thing I like about STL is toasted raviolis, Imo's, White Castle, Rich and Charlies etc. : Oh and spumoni ice cream!

We have lived in KS twice, Colorado for 6 years, Southern Cal a year and Montana for 18 months. I like a more progressive area like Colorado.

But as I told my friend tonight, we have to do whats right for my husband. I don't want to move back because the family feels I need the support with the kids. Because I do not.

Thanks for listening. I am just trying to talk this through out loud. I appreciate the feed back.

Okay, more good points on moving back to STL please!

Here is a back story on whats going on with my husband.


http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1099364
I read your post I am sorry about what you are going through right now. : It gave me chills thinking about how you admitted him and then found out he had a rope!

So, basically, you are considering moving to STL b/c the ILs want to be around to help? Is this help as in babysitting? Housing? Financial?

Is it just the city itself? Or can you not take the sprawl either? With 370 it just seems like you could go rural and still jump on a highway to get into the city, kwim? There are so many surrounding cities, too. Town and Country, Lake STL, St. Charles county, etc.


One thing I definitely agree with you on is the humidity. OMGsh. I'm a Cali girl and this time of the year is just icky.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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#8 of 56 Old 06-21-2009, 10:13 PM
 
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For what it's worth, My DH and I moved to St. Louis (we even live in, gasp, North County!) 9 years ago after living in a series of very progressive college towns. We have found a large and supportive liberal, progressive community here. We have been involved in AP and LLL groups, local food movements, UU and Ethical societies, and a very active secular homeschooling community. It's all here if you look for it.

Juliette
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#9 of 56 Old 06-21-2009, 11:23 PM
 
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I'm sorry to hear of your husband's health. Mental illness can be really, really scary.

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Okay, more good points on moving back to STL please!
We have excellent hospitals - more than just Children's.
Tons of free activities, parks, museums for families.
Lots of groups to join to stay really busy.

Angela
Chatty Girl - 3/2006, Lovey Boy - 1/2010, Delicious Baby Girl - 1/2012
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#10 of 56 Old 06-21-2009, 11:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm sorry to hear of your husband's health. Mental illness can be really, really scary.


We have excellent hospitals - more than just Children's.
Tons of free activities, parks, museums for families.
Lots of groups to join to stay really busy.
I have a child with Special Needs. She sees a Urologist, Rehabilitation Doctor, Neurosurgeon and Orthopedic Surgeon. She is currently being seen at Children's Mercy and KU Med in KC. St. Louis Children's is one of the best in the country. Thats why I mentioned it. We have to have access to excellent Pediatric Specialists.

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#11 of 56 Old 06-21-2009, 11:55 PM
 
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I don't think you should live anywhere that would make you miserable. However, if you do feel like you would benefit from having family around to help out...St. Louis is not the hellhole you seem to think it is. I know plenty of people love living here and there are a lot of positives. I couldn't wait to get back myself and family is a big reason. Everyone has different things they want though. I love that I'm going to have more to do with my kids. I love that we'll have great public schools and great private schools to choose from. I love that we have access to world class health care. I love the Cardinals I love the restaurants. I love REAL Chinese food (my DH is Chinese and loves the little Chinese area along Olive, he thinks the food is pretty darn good...and St. Louis bubble tea!). I freaking LOVE Trader Joe's. I also like Whole Foods. I love the parks, the zoo, the museums. I love the Hill. And for me, St. Louis is a lot more liberal. I've been living in the Bible Belt about to pull my hair out for 7 years.

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#12 of 56 Old 06-22-2009, 12:04 AM
 
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I'm sure you guys will figure out what the right decision is...but here are a couple of my favorite things:

free AWESOME zoo, free AWESOME science center, amazing botanical garden free on Wed and Sat mornings, TONS of amazing parks, strong AP community, tons of booming farmers markets these days that weren't here 15 yrs ago, frozen custard, so many different communities that you can leave one that isn't working for you and find another that is...fairly easily. Lots of places where people don't smoke (though I agree with you that we have too many thoughtless smokers here), spring and fall are BEAUTIFUL! Extremely caring neighbors (if you pick your neighborhood wisely), a huge variety of church communities (though this may not mean much to you guys), excellent children's hospitals, museum of transportation, magic house. And, the arch is kind of cool

Good luck with your difficult journey and decision!
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#13 of 56 Old 06-22-2009, 12:23 AM
 
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I have a child with Special Needs. She sees a Urologist, Rehabilitation Doctor, Neurosurgeon and Orthopedic Surgeon. She is currently being seen at Children's Mercy and KU Med in KC. St. Louis Children's is one of the best in the country. Thats why I mentioned it. We have to have access to excellent Pediatric Specialists.
And I mentioned that we have more than Children's because your husband would also receive excellent mental health care here. St. John's and St. Anthony's are both known for their care.

Angela
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#14 of 56 Old 06-22-2009, 04:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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And I mentioned that we have more than Children's because your husband would also receive excellent mental health care here. St. John's and St. Anthony's are both known for their care.
My SIL works at St. Anthonys.

My ILs live in Fenton and most of my family live in South County. Thats where I grew up and is most familar with.

I wonder how it works when you are on medicaid, SSI (my DD1), SSDI (hubby), unemployment, food stamps, WIC (all of these have been applied for and are still being processed), how do they transfer services to another state? Or will they?

What a nightmare. My son also will start Kindergarten in a couple of weeks . Here locally he would start August 12th. I would have to get him reregistered.

So this is very complicated and frankly I don't have the energy to think about it. Hmm maybe because I am up ater 3 1/2 hours of sleep again.

Anne, Mama to Conner 2/27/04 blahblah.gif  Gabrielle 2/6/06 W/LMC-TCS, Neurogenic Bladder, AFO & KAFO wearer, Neurogenic Bowel energy.gif & Delaney 5/12/08 mischievous.gif &  Beethoven cat.gif& Gizmo cat.gif

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#15 of 56 Old 06-22-2009, 09:45 AM
 
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Lets see. Dirty, people smoke everywhere, cigarette butts everywhere, people smoke in restaraunts, trash everywhere, high crime rate, gloomy winters, high humidity, hot summers. I hate high humidity and hot temps.
Like many areas, smoking has been banned in most of the public places in many parts of the city. We go visit my dad about 3-4 times a year, and the filth is also area dependent. Like most big cities, where you're at and what neighborhood you're in has a lot to do with things like dirt, crime, etc. I live in the KC area and I can't imagine Lawrence is a lot different in weather than we are - and STL isn't a lot different than us either. Same humidity, same how summers but for some reason milder winters. Crime rate, yeah I can't argue that one based on stats, but a lot of the suburb areas at least are very nice.
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#16 of 56 Old 06-23-2009, 07:17 PM
 
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Its a bit hard for me to respond, because I absolutely love St. Louis. I love the culture, the diversity, all of the wonderful things we have to offer. Of course there are downsides...personally I cant stand st charles etc areas and even though I live in south county, parts of it disturb me...but so many areas of St. Louis are wonderful. Schools can suck in certain areas, but there are many many other options. Smoking...really? I have not noticed that to be an issue here anymore than anywhere else.

And the crime??? Really, its not that high...the numbers are all skewed and even then, its usually in the same areas that are known for it.

Isnt Kansas pretty hot? The heat and humidity do get to me, but its not for that long..then autumn comes

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#17 of 56 Old 06-23-2009, 11:49 PM
 
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I grew up in some of the "best" places in the country - Jackson, WY and the Bay Area. I went on to live in progressive, liberal, cool cities - Seattle and Austin - and I have to say that I love St. Louis. Sometimes I think folks who grew up here just can't see it. Its wonderful, and it has so much potential.

There are downsides. There are upsides. We live in a great part of the city. I honestly think I would go crazy outside of the city, but thats me. The outer subburbs do seem pretty generic and stunningly conservative to me. But there are some great inner-ring suburbs with a real sense of community....... the grass is always greener I guess, but what St. Louis lacks in progresive/yuppie-ness it makes up for that with REAL community, diversity, history, architecture, parks, and awesome free stuff to do with the kids. The crime is not a big deal, truly.

There are lots of progressive types here, and much more friendliness ime because beggers can't be choosers

eta: the smoking does suck. we haven't been to a bar in ages..... but there is a strong movement to ban smoking, so you could always get involved with that
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#18 of 56 Old 06-25-2009, 09:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I grew up in some of the "best" places in the country - Jackson, WY and the Bay Area. I went on to live in progressive, liberal, cool cities - Seattle and Austin - and I have to say that I love St. Louis. Sometimes I think folks who grew up here just can't see it. Its wonderful, and it has so much potential.

There are downsides. There are upsides. We live in a great part of the city. I honestly think I would go crazy outside of the city, but thats me. The outer subburbs do seem pretty generic and stunningly conservative to me. But there are some great inner-ring suburbs with a real sense of community....... the grass is always greener I guess, but what St. Louis lacks in progresive/yuppie-ness it makes up for that with REAL community, diversity, history, architecture, parks, and awesome free stuff to do with the kids. The crime is not a big deal, truly.

There are lots of progressive types here, and much more friendliness ime because beggers can't be choosers

eta: the smoking does suck. we haven't been to a bar in ages..... but there is a strong movement to ban smoking, so you could always get involved with that
We aren't city living people. So somewhere in the county (probably south or west because thats what we are familar with and grew up and family is) is where we would go.

Right now we have to get my husband regulated on meds (already started) and into therapy (which we are waiting for an appointment).

Keep the good things coming! I need to hear it!

I know my husband would be thrilled to be near White Castle again. : Oh and to be able to listen to K-She all the time.

Anne, Mama to Conner 2/27/04 blahblah.gif  Gabrielle 2/6/06 W/LMC-TCS, Neurogenic Bladder, AFO & KAFO wearer, Neurogenic Bowel energy.gif & Delaney 5/12/08 mischievous.gif &  Beethoven cat.gif& Gizmo cat.gif

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#19 of 56 Old 06-25-2009, 09:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Its a bit hard for me to respond, because I absolutely love St. Louis. I love the culture, the diversity, all of the wonderful things we have to offer. Of course there are downsides...personally I cant stand st charles etc areas and even though I live in south county, parts of it disturb me...but so many areas of St. Louis are wonderful. Schools can suck in certain areas, but there are many many other options. Smoking...really? I have not noticed that to be an issue here anymore than anywhere else.

And the crime??? Really, its not that high...the numbers are all skewed and even then, its usually in the same areas that are known for it.

Isnt Kansas pretty hot? The heat and humidity do get to me, but its not for that long..then autumn comes
Don't be shy! I need to have the good things pointed out to me.

About the heat, yes its awful here. Thats why I want to desperately move back to Colorado. I am not thrilled here in Lawrence either. But it is clean, and fairly progressive.

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#20 of 56 Old 06-25-2009, 09:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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In Colorado we use to be able to buy Hatch Chilies from vendors in the Fall. We would get a bushel of them roasted (they rosted them there on site), bring them home, clean them and freeze. I really would like to do this again. Do they do that anywhere in St. Louis in the Fall? We use to do this when we lived in Denver.

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#21 of 56 Old 06-25-2009, 11:26 PM
 
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We aren't city living people. So somewhere in the county (probably south or west because thats what we are familar with and grew up and family is) is where we would go.

Right now we have to get my husband regulated on meds (already started) and into therapy (which we are waiting for an appointment).

Keep the good things coming! I need to hear it!

I know my husband would be thrilled to be near White Castle again. : Oh and to be able to listen to K-She all the time.
If you're thinking west, look at Ballwin. There are a lot of affordable homes there right now. I believe there is a smoking ban in restaurants in Ballwin plus depending on where in Ballwin you are either in Rockwood or Parkway - both very good school districts. Ballwin has a lot to offer its residents i.e. amenities. Proximity to the highway isn't fabulous, but it's not bad either.

FWIW, we live in Eureka, not Ballwin, so this isn't a biased opinion. Although, I would LIKE to move to Ballwin.
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#22 of 56 Old 06-26-2009, 08:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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If you're thinking west, look at Ballwin. There are a lot of affordable homes there right now. I believe there is a smoking ban in restaurants in Ballwin plus depending on where in Ballwin you are either in Rockwood or Parkway - both very good school districts. Ballwin has a lot to offer its residents i.e. amenities. Proximity to the highway isn't fabulous, but it's not bad either.

FWIW, we live in Eureka, not Ballwin, so this isn't a biased opinion. Although, I would LIKE to move to Ballwin.
We like the Ballwin area!

My DD1 has an IEP. We will need a good school district that will work with us.

My husband lived in Fenton, but went to Eureka High School.

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#23 of 56 Old 06-26-2009, 10:53 AM
 
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We like the Ballwin area!

My DD1 has an IEP. We will need a good school district that will work with us.

My husband lived in Fenton, but went to Eureka High School.

I know a couple of people in Rockwood whose children go to different elementary schools (one in ellisville and one in ballwin) that have IEPs. So, I know Rockwood will work with you on that, not sure about Parkway, but I would find it hard to believe that they would not.

I can only speak to Parkway's Early Childhood programs (as we have been taking parent/child interaction classes through Parkway for the past year and have loved them! As I said, we're in Eureka so we're in Rockwood which is "supposedly" one of the best school districts in the state, but I think they could stand to add more to their Early Childhood programs.

(FWIW, I grew up going to a parochial school, but went to a public high school, Pattonville. Pattonville is not one of the school districts people brag about, but I got a great high school education there. I've always been a believer that you get out of the schools what you're willing to put in. In addition to the support you receive at home.)
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#24 of 56 Old 06-28-2009, 05:18 PM
 
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Lets see. Dirty, people smoke everywhere, cigarette butts everywhere, people smoke in restaraunts, trash everywhere, high crime rate, gloomy winters, high humidity, hot summers. I hate high humidity and hot temps.

Plus side very good childrens hospital.

Downside - ILs are very conservative. We are not. ILs are somewhat religous, we are Atheist and they don't know yet.

Its just not me. I want desperately to move back to Colorado. I am happiest in the mountains. I wish I was born there.
Illinois is smoke free! Edwardsville, IL is a pretty progressive town - we've got great bike trails, parks, it's clean...can't do anything about the humidity though
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#25 of 56 Old 06-28-2009, 05:34 PM
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I feel like you're stalking me. I think you moved to Lawrence a year or so after we moved there... and we've been in St. Louis for a year now...

I still miss Lawrence, really. Rain has adjusted and has tons of friends and does lots of cool stuff (college classes, volunteering at the aquarium, homeschool Shakespeare... she's always busy) but although I love my graduate program at Wash U I really prefer Lawrence...

The metro is one of my favorite things about St. Louis - yay for public transportation. Also City Museum is cool, and all the free stuff in Forest Park.

Rain and I are both in cooler places now. I think escaping for as much of the summer as possible is a good move.

 
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#26 of 56 Old 06-29-2009, 10:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel like you're stalking me. I think you moved to Lawrence a year or so after we moved there... and we've been in St. Louis for a year now...

I still miss Lawrence, really. Rain has adjusted and has tons of friends and does lots of cool stuff (college classes, volunteering at the aquarium, homeschool Shakespeare... she's always busy) but although I love my graduate program at Wash U I really prefer Lawrence...

The metro is one of my favorite things about St. Louis - yay for public transportation. Also City Museum is cool, and all the free stuff in Forest Park.

Rain and I are both in cooler places now. I think escaping for as much of the summer as possible is a good move.
If (and thats a big IF) we move back to STL we will have come full circle.

Anne, Mama to Conner 2/27/04 blahblah.gif  Gabrielle 2/6/06 W/LMC-TCS, Neurogenic Bladder, AFO & KAFO wearer, Neurogenic Bowel energy.gif & Delaney 5/12/08 mischievous.gif &  Beethoven cat.gif& Gizmo cat.gif

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#27 of 56 Old 06-29-2009, 10:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewMama2007 View Post
Illinois is smoke free! Edwardsville, IL is a pretty progressive town - we've got great bike trails, parks, it's clean...can't do anything about the humidity though
You know, thats something to keep in mind. But it would also depend on where my husband would be working and what kind of commute.

Anne, Mama to Conner 2/27/04 blahblah.gif  Gabrielle 2/6/06 W/LMC-TCS, Neurogenic Bladder, AFO & KAFO wearer, Neurogenic Bowel energy.gif & Delaney 5/12/08 mischievous.gif &  Beethoven cat.gif& Gizmo cat.gif

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#28 of 56 Old 07-19-2009, 01:14 AM
 
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Roasted chiles in MO? I almost laughed out loud!

Sorry, not to be negative, but having recently moved from the southwest (Santa Fe) to the midwest (Columbia), I feel your pain. I desperately miss the mountains, the dry air, the healthy environment and the roasting chiles in every parking lot during the autumn. Sigh.

But, like you, we moved back for the support of family, and we hope the move is temporary. Temporarily meaning 4-7 years, though, so it will be quite a journey. The conservative culture, the small mindedness and the humidity kills me. However, the trees, water and the family friendly culture is wonderful.

I lived in STL for three years, and while it's not my dream city, it really has some wonderful offerings. The Zoo/Museum district is incredible. The Botanical Gardens are great. Fair St. Louis, Cardinal games and the Arch Fairgrounds all bring warm memories to mind.

Trust your instinct. I still wonder if we made the right decision, but watching my parents with my kids reminds me that there was a lot of good in our decision to move back for a while.

Mama of three incredible bf, cd, naturally birthed little people!
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#29 of 56 Old 07-20-2009, 10:20 AM
 
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I am so sorry for what your family is going through. It sounds terrifying to me. You really will have to do what's best for your DH.

I have to say I love St. Louis. We moved back here after spending 5 years in KC and 6 years on the east coast. We wanted to be fairly near family (mine live past Rolla.) I love raising a family here because of all the previously-mentioned family attractions. And there is a great AP community here.

I'm a rabid anti-smoker, but I'm seldom bothered by smoke here. So many communities are working on bans right now.

The only real negative I can foresee is the job market. What does your DH do? I had all these companies targeted where I wanted to work if anything happened to my WAHM job. When my employer went bankrupt was the time that they all starting having closures, layoffs, and takeovers.

But obviously, getting your DH on an even keel will come before job stuff, won't it? I'm sending you guys lots of good thoughts as you work on his health and making your decision.

Nichole
wife to Sasha, mom to Marlena, nursed for 3.5 years, aunt to 3 adorable nephews
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#30 of 56 Old 07-20-2009, 05:35 PM
 
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Wow, I am LOVING this thread. St Louis is on my list of places to check out.

I would love more specifics, like areas to check out. Good schools, coveted neighborhoods, where is the TJ's etc

And is the humidity like Memphis, because that truly is unbearable, or like Atlanta (where I live) because that is really doable.
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