I'm not happy with the decisions I made but I need some help - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 01-02-2011, 02:42 PM - Thread Starter
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I am from Iowa and smoked weed off and on during my pregnancy. I quit 12 weeks before I had my baby girl and they tested her and she still came out positive. A dhs worker came to my house and i had to agree to take random drug test which is not a problem I am clean and have been for 2 months and can pass any test they need me to take but I am very scared and dont want to loose any of my children. I was just wondering if anyone knew what I was going to have to do or what dhs protacal is? I'm not happy with what I did but I am going to stay clean because my kids are more important I just need some help....

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#2 of 3 Old 01-03-2011, 05:42 AM
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Not sure what the question is...have you tried just talking in depth with the caseworkers assigned to your case?  Surely they will provide straight info about anything you are required to do, or avoid doing.


Sorry you had to go through this.  It's nutty, so stupid that mj has not been totally decriminalized.  If you were an alcoholic who drank yourself silly throughout pregnancy, they would never have known because alcohol metabolizes so fast and is not held in the tissues the way THC is.  And as that theoretical alcoholic, you would have possibly done MUCH more harm to yourself and children than pot is known to do (for the average user, anyway).


This is a pet peeve of mine, because alcohol causes and contributes to so many deaths, illnesses, lost work days, damage to property, domestic abuse, violence between people, every day.  Whereas nothing like this occurs as the result of mj use (not saying there are no dangers to excessive pot use).  But alcohol is considered innocent---people can drink in front of their kids, even to excess, and nobody does a thing about it usually.  Me, I'd be happy to live in a world without alcohol!  I know, I know, I'm a freak...and that is just ONE of the ways I'm a freak.  It also wouldn't bother me to live in a world without mj...I just know that alcohol is far more often, and more comprehensively, a source of damage to people, property, etc, than mj is.  And the laws on both are silly.


anyway, nuff ranting on that.  Don't be ashamed...just do your best now and into the future to be a good mama.  And seek info from your caseworkers so you can be sure to 'pass their tests' as you go through this tough time. 

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#3 of 3 Old 01-03-2011, 07:44 AM
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Iowa DHS protocol is that if the child is believed to be endangered, you'll probably be listed on a child abuse registry for about 5 years. If you comply with their testing and pass all tests, they'll close the case and send you a summary at some point. Basically, they have created a set of conditions that, if you fulfill, they will not take further action against you. Your case worker should explain this to you in detail so don't be afraid to call and ask questions.


Have they done home visits yet? Make sure you pick up your house, have a separate sleep area set up, and have all the safety stuff in place. You basically want to be as normal as possible so that they don't see further reason to keep you on their radar. Be friendly and totally willing to comply. Let them see you nurse your baby and hear about your outings with your kids and let them see you play together. 


How did they know to test your baby? Did you consent to drug testing? That seems suspicious to me, but I have heard that some hospitals automatically test the babies.


Regardless, please don't feel like you did something to harm your child. Weed in small amounts is no more harmful than alcohol in small amounts during pregnancy. But I know exactly how you feel: even if what you did was wrong, being investigated by DHS is humiliating and terrifying. I have been through the same thing under different circumstances and it felt absolutely awful. hug.gif

Lauren (33), writer, recovering academic, WOHM to a highly sensitive child (Robin, Feb '08) and mellow little Holly (Jan '10). Newly diagnosed Bipolar I. rolleyes.gif
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