I'm not in SF but I am happy with the preschool we found. Like you, we needed it to be vegan-friendly and diverse. So I found one that is diverse (students and staff, not just students) and each child brings his or her own lunch. I found that to be much better than the schools where lunch is served. It's basically a standard preschool, although the teachers are better educated than some other preschools/daycares I toured and I noticed right away that they tended to think more similarly to how I think. Something like that might work for you? It's not particularly AP style and I'm not sure what they would do about a 3 year old who nurses and cosleeps (if that even comes up as an issue during the day/times you need care) but I bet there are some compromises or work-arounds that you might find acceptable. Anyway, the preschool my son goes to is a chain and I'm sure there are some in SF. PM me if you want the name.