Vancouver(ish) Tribe: Sugared Mountains & Bare Branches - Page 15 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#421 of 705 Old 01-30-2010, 08:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
flowmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 4,350
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Yesterday ds saw a pediatrician (Dr Melvin de Levie) who thinks that ds has Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and/or a psychiatric disorder. We are being referred for more detailed assessments.

As far as peds go, the ADHD peds thought that ds had ADHD, and the ASD ped thinks that ds has ASD . From the research that I have done, locally the peds are not the ones who figure out differential diagnoses. You have to go through the Children's Hospital, SunnyHill, or the Fraser Health Assessment Network and get a ped referral for one or more of those to get that differential diagnosis.

sharing life with | 10 yo ds | 8 yo dd | dh (since 2012)
"I am not what happened to me...I am what I choose to become." ~ Carl Jung
flowmom is offline  
#422 of 705 Old 01-30-2010, 10:21 PM
 
tiffani's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 3,886
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
flowmom, ... do YOU think ds has ASD? don't put too much stock in a professional's assessment if you don't think he fits the criteria... I'm sure you'll figure out his needs, but it sounds like many professionals are quick to say your kid has what they specialize in... and congrats on the nightweaning!! I was never brave enough to try that with my kids, we just went cold turkey weaning at 4.5 and 4. With Lucy I was sure she would never take no for an answer in the middle of the night, and with Dex I just had to be done altogether, he was driving me crazy. but I think nightweaning is a lovely way to be able to continue nursing, and get more sleep.

Lisa I'm sorry you're having a hard time with your little guy, btdt and it's hard!! food dyes are HUGE triggers for most kids I think. way more than sugar for my kids anyway... here in NZ there aren't as many options for snacks, foods and treats that don't have dyes, so they eat them more here than they did in Van. they're also older and more in control of what they eat -- trying to help them find their balance rather than just outright forbid things... we're getting there

We hosted dinner last night for a friend of Mark's from work and her visiting baby daddy, the US Diplomat to a peaceful African country. He is an ex-army ranger, republican, macho, disrespectful to africans, know-it-all jackass who we also knew to have been emotionally and physically abusive to mark's friend in the past. he is trying to get her (and their 2 year old) to come back to africa with him, trying to woo her back into a romance... it was a very interesting evening to say the least! Mark and I took turns leaving the room when his statements were just too much to take, avoided touchy subjects, and only argued with him a little, out of a desire to not have the evening devolve into a screaming match. I was happy that we succeeded in that, and our kids had a great time with their 2 year old... and dinner was good... and um... did I mention that nobody got punched in the face? as successful an evening as it could have been, and I'm glad the dreaded evening is over! I love Mark's friend, but was not that happy when he invited them for dinner without asking me first -- I've been so stressed lately this just seemed like one stress I didn't need piled on top, but we cleaned the house together (and I'm enjoying the fruits of our labor today, especially since it's windy and raining and we're having a pj-day) and he did the bulk of the dinner making while I drank gin and tonics. can't argue with that!

We're Tiffani , Mark , Lucy (9/99) , Dexter (8/01) ,and Zachary Marvin (3/07) and Naomi Rose (6/09), home 11/10, by way of Ugandan adoption.

tiffani is offline  
#423 of 705 Old 01-30-2010, 11:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
flowmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 4,350
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffani View Post
do YOU think ds has ASD?
I don't feel that I know enough about it. There is some social and communication stuff that worries me (not just the aggression). And ds actually did look "spectrumy" while the ped was interviewing him -- he was waving his head around while talking and having trouble making eye contact. "Preschoolers" generally have quite rudimentary social skills, but when a 6 yo is not demonstrating expected social behaviours, it stands out quite a bit more...

sharing life with | 10 yo ds | 8 yo dd | dh (since 2012)
"I am not what happened to me...I am what I choose to become." ~ Carl Jung
flowmom is offline  
#424 of 705 Old 01-30-2010, 11:40 PM
 
tiffani's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 3,886
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by flowmom View Post
I don't feel that I know enough about it.
right. whenever I read through the lists pertaining to "does your child have xyz?" I feel a pretty hefty "ooh, that sounds just like him" or "no, this isn't describing my kid" -- understanding that EVERY kid is going to exhibit ASD/ADHD/SPD behaviors from time to time, but trying to get a real sense of what is going on with kids who struggle can be difficult. The gifted/SPD/possible ADD but I don't know much about it and should probably learn more armchair diagnosis that I have given dex is so obviously what's going on with him -- lots of people suggested aspergers when he was younger, but the criteria really didn't fit him at all. I guess that's what I'm asking -- if it stands out to YOU that he definitely does NOT have ASD, then I wouldn't worry too much about your recent ped's opinion. but if you think there might be a grain of truth there, then it's probably worth looking into -- or at least looking into parenting strategies/therapies that might help with his particular issues. Don't you wish there were individual therapists who were really good at diagnosing kids with whatever it is that was going on with them? Is that what a differential diagnosis is? can you get access to that? it's a tricky puzzle for sure... what does S- think of these assessments and diagnosis and such? Is he supportive and helpful with it all?

We're Tiffani , Mark , Lucy (9/99) , Dexter (8/01) ,and Zachary Marvin (3/07) and Naomi Rose (6/09), home 11/10, by way of Ugandan adoption.

tiffani is offline  
#425 of 705 Old 01-30-2010, 11:54 PM
 
artparent's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,726
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
mamas, sending hugs from far away.

so happy to be here, too. seems like we're evening out about my glamourous life. now for a week of jetlag.

*
artparent is offline  
#426 of 705 Old 01-31-2010, 12:05 AM
 
Piglet68's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Vancouver Island, Canada
Posts: 11,097
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Lisa, I'm sorry to hear you're having troubles. From my (albeit limited) experience with your DS2 he is a sweet and loveable little boy, with a good deal of energy just like my DS is. There are so many reasons for behaviour changes or new behaviours: it could just be developmental, could be a change in routine, lack of sufficient outdoor time, lack of mommy time (annoying behaviours do get our attention, don't they!)...it could be dietary or some other such thing. My suggestion would be to start off simple, making sure he's getting plenty of sleep at night and exercise during the day and also keeping a food journal for a few days with notes about behaviour. Might flag something you haven't thought of.

Flowmom: glad to hear that you are feeling the support of loving friends and community during these difficult times. I'm sorry your search for answers with regards to W is still ongoing. I hope you can find some useful advice/opinions soon.

tiffani, sounds like the dinner guest from hell. did he not know that you guys are adopting from the African continent? how totally insensitive of him. Glad you were able to handle it without losing your cool...not sure if I could have!

I was just thinking that a good percentage of frequent posters here no longer live in Vancouver. It's nice that we can all still keep in touch. I will continue to post here after we move. It occurred to me that this is the only way I have of keeping connections with many of you who were so critical to the lifestyle I now lead. It was tiffani and beaners&tiegs who inspired me to unschool, for example. I'm glad we have a place where we can all still keep in touch!

teapot2.GIF Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)  ribbonjigsaw.gif blogging.jpg homeschool.gif

Piglet68 is offline  
#427 of 705 Old 01-31-2010, 12:29 AM
 
tiffani's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 3,886
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piglet68 View Post
tiffani, sounds like the dinner guest from hell. did he not know that you guys are adopting from the African continent? how totally insensitive of him. Glad you were able to handle it without losing your cool...not sure if I could have!

I was just thinking that a good percentage of frequent posters here no longer live in Vancouver. I'm glad we have a place where we can all still keep in touch!
ya know, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be -- I think we were all on our best behavior. the older I get, the more able I am to brush off crazy opinions, but he definitely said a few whoppers last night that had me biting my tongue! He "loves" Africa, (and yes, knows we're adopting -- we used to be adopting from the country he's the ambassador to, so if you can remember back that far... ) but has all the same opinions of Africans that many Americans who live there have -- I think many of them like to go there and be the big man that everyone lives in fear of. I'm sure some of them are much more civilized than that, but he just has a very american view of how people should be, and is intolerant of other ways of being -- can't see how those qualities might have served their population *before* colonialism. He stated two different times, in a discussion about universal healthcare and about us adopting that he is selfish and just doesn't really care what other people have or don't have, he has worked hard and his daughter is lucky enough to have been born to him, so *they* are entitled to healthcare, but america is just too big for *everyone* to have access to healthcare, the system just can't support it. all you can really do is shrug your shoulders when someone frames it like that... you just say "ok, well then if you're an assho!e, then I guess that settles it." and we laugh and move along... about us adopting he asked me "are you really just THAT loving or something?" and "I'm just not that loving" -- ok then... and mentally to friend from work "why are you considering getting back together with this punk again?" ... lots of fun.

We're Tiffani , Mark , Lucy (9/99) , Dexter (8/01) ,and Zachary Marvin (3/07) and Naomi Rose (6/09), home 11/10, by way of Ugandan adoption.

tiffani is offline  
#428 of 705 Old 01-31-2010, 01:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
flowmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 4,350
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piglet68 View Post
Lisa, I'm sorry to hear you're having troubles. From my (albeit limited) experience with your DS2 he is a sweet and loveable little boy, with a good deal of energy just like my DS is. There are so many reasons for behaviour changes or new behaviours: it could just be developmental, could be a change in routine, lack of sufficient outdoor time, lack of mommy time (annoying behaviours do get our attention, don't they!)...it could be dietary or some other such thing. My suggestion would be to start off simple, making sure he's getting plenty of sleep at night and exercise during the day and also keeping a food journal for a few days with notes about behaviour. Might flag something you haven't thought of.
I agree with all of the above -- great advice Piglet. At this time of year, exercise especially is a biggy with my kids. Recently we played at the completely deserted park for over an hour in the pouring rain. I have also bribed my children with cookies to go on nature walks in miserable weather recently. My kids are more sane when they exercise, and ideally in the outdoors. I know that is seriously inconvenient for you, but, our little boys need their sleep and exercise. I know for my dd, she needs exercise too, but she doesn't go nuts when she doesn't get it.

sharing life with | 10 yo ds | 8 yo dd | dh (since 2012)
"I am not what happened to me...I am what I choose to become." ~ Carl Jung
flowmom is offline  
#429 of 705 Old 01-31-2010, 01:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
flowmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 4,350
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffani View Post
I guess that's what I'm asking -- if it stands out to YOU that he definitely does NOT have ASD, then I wouldn't worry too much about your recent ped's opinion. but if you think there might be a grain of truth there, then it's probably worth looking into -- or at least looking into parenting strategies/therapies that might help with his particular issues.
I think I'm on the "possible grain of truth" side. One thing that I find interesting is how useful ASD-oriented materials are. We started with the Superflex stuff and ds is really responding to it. That's not to say that the materials wouldn't be helpful for some non-ASD children, but I find it really interesting. Realistically a full-on ASD diagnosis for ds could be a huge benefit to ds, allowing us to self-manage $10,000-$12,000/year worth of interventions if we enrolled with Ebus or SelfDesign. At some point with a complicated child it stops being about labels and starts being about useful strategies/therapies/interventions, and I think the ASD "world" has some stuff that's really worth investigating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffani View Post
Don't you wish there were individual therapists who were really good at diagnosing kids with whatever it is that was going on with them? Is that what a differential diagnosis is? can you get access to that?
Differential diagnosis means sorting it all out and I don't think there's anyone good who can do it locally or I think I'd know about it by now. I'd love to go to the Eide Neurolearning Clinic in WA for a differential diagnosis:
Quote:
unexplained causes of academic underachievement, reading, writing, or math difficulties, attention and organization problems, visual or auditory processing problems, sensory processing disorder, and possible Aspergers Syndrome. We have a special interest in the learning challenges of gifted and twice exceptional students, and college-attending or college-bound dyslexics.
They wrote The Mislabeled Child. I talked to the head of Silbury School and she said that their reports are an amazing assessment of the childs weaknesses and strengths.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffani View Post
what does S- think of these assessments and diagnosis and such? Is he supportive and helpful with it all?
Supportive, yes. Helpful, no. I think that getting the OT report was actually deeply disturbing to him even though he didn't discuss it with me much. I actually believe that it was one of the triggers for the separation.

sharing life with | 10 yo ds | 8 yo dd | dh (since 2012)
"I am not what happened to me...I am what I choose to become." ~ Carl Jung
flowmom is offline  
#430 of 705 Old 01-31-2010, 01:30 AM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piglet68 View Post
Lisa, I'm sorry to hear you're having troubles. From my (albeit limited) experience with your DS2 he is a sweet and loveable little boy, with a good deal of energy just like my DS is. There are so many reasons for behaviour changes or new behaviours: it could just be developmental, could be a change in routine, lack of sufficient outdoor time, lack of mommy time (annoying behaviours do get our attention, don't they!)...it could be dietary or some other such thing. My suggestion would be to start off simple, making sure he's getting plenty of sleep at night and exercise during the day and also keeping a food journal for a few days with notes about behaviour. Might flag something you haven't thought of.
This is a good idea. DS2 doesn't get enough outdoor time. I'm trying to implement a daily walk outside, right after breakfast (except Fridays, because his preschool is in the morning on Fridays). So far, it's only happened once, on Thursday. It was a nightmare, but I had woken up with a horrible headache, and it was just an all around bad, bad, bad day here. I know part of the problem is that I'm sick. I think I have bronchitis, and I have that just wiped, achey, "leave me alone or die" thing going on. Combined with dd2 being sick, and wanting me all the time, it's not leaving me a lot for the other two. DD1 is getting to a stage where she can sort of get that mommy will be back when she's feeling better. DS2 doesn't get that.

He's an incredibly sweet, loving little boy, and he does so much better at Hula Hoot and preschool that I'm even reconsidering homeschooling for him, which makes me sad. He just doesn't seem to thrive around here, and I think I'm not a great match for such an energetic little guy. He drains my energy by 10:30 or 11:00, and then I ujust spend the day gritting my teeth and waiting for dh to get home! Hopefully, getting a good outdoor walk in every morning will at least get things going in the right direction. He does seem to have much higher sleep requirements than any of my others, as well. It's hard to fit that into our schedule, but we've dialed his bedtime back an hour, and I'm starting to get him to take naps again (occasionally by putting on a movie, I'll admit - he falls asleep on the couch, and I turn the tv off and leave him there).

He's been like this for quite a while, and is actually better than he used to be in many ways. But, he's just...relentless. It's reached the point where we're all really straining just to keep our cool and not blow up at him. He thinks he's the funniest kid in the universe. *sigh*

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#431 of 705 Old 01-31-2010, 01:33 AM
 
sea island mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Richmond, BC
Posts: 1,538
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Welcome, Giraffee

Quote:
Originally Posted by kdtmom2be View Post
Exceptions to my "no red things" rule are Smarties...
Too bad they are made by the evil Nestle company

Quote:
Originally Posted by Piglet68 View Post
Flowmom: glad to hear that you are feeling the support of loving friends and community during these difficult times. I'm sorry your search for answers with regards to W is still ongoing. I hope you can find some useful advice/opinions soon.
I think of you & send mental hugs often.

Quote:
I was just thinking that a good percentage of frequent posters here no longer live in Vancouver. It's nice that we can all still keep in touch. I will continue to post here after we move. It occurred to me that this is the only way I have of keeping connections with many of you who were so critical to the lifestyle I now lead. It was tiffani and beaners&tiegs who inspired me to unschool, for example. I'm glad we have a place where we can all still keep in touch!
...and that!

Helen wash.gif Homeschooling Mama to Nicola photosmile2.gif 07/00 , Daniel kewl.gif 05/03 & cat.gifX2...and hug.gif with Barry caffix.gif since 08/87
sea island mama is offline  
#432 of 705 Old 01-31-2010, 02:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
flowmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 4,350
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Storm Bride, if your ds easily naps at 4.5 years old, my guess is that he is not getting enough sleep and that will for sure cause behaviour issues. Because dd was waking ds early in the morning, we had to keep making ds' bedtime earlier and earlier until he could get enough sleep even if she woke him up. And we use melatonin to get him to sleep quickly enough for him to get enough sleep.

My kids also need the stimulation of outings, and it's quite rare that we spend the day at home.

Sorry to hear about the possible bronchitis. You might want to get that checked out...I thought I had bronchitis but it was pneumonia. It really wiped me out and I feel like I'm still recovering over a month later. wishing you and your family good health.

sharing life with | 10 yo ds | 8 yo dd | dh (since 2012)
"I am not what happened to me...I am what I choose to become." ~ Carl Jung
flowmom is offline  
#433 of 705 Old 01-31-2010, 06:12 AM
 
kdtmom2be's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,687
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sea island mama View Post
Too bad they are made by the evil Nestle company
Fair enough, but as someone who struggles daily with having to read labels and even then sometimes have to go on blind faith (and sometimes lose!), I have to give credit where credit is due. Smarties are one of the few candies that I can safely eat. The box says all-natural colourants and they are telling the truth. This is why they don't make blue Smarties any more.

As an aside, I went so far as to write a letter to Smirnoff once thanking them for producing dye-free products!

Mom to Kayleigh (05/07) Jacob (05/09) and Ned decluttering 615/2010
kdtmom2be is offline  
#434 of 705 Old 01-31-2010, 01:19 PM
 
gr8fulmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 1,651
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Flowmom... I think you need to trust your heart and not put too much faith in what each individual dr says. Obviously if thhey don't agree with each other than something is not right... a diagnostic specialist would be ebtter I agree... but also remember that diagnosis is only as useful as the treatment it can lead you to... and if you're finding things that are helping (as you mentioned above) this is more important than giving the whole situation a name... even if you want to get school funding, it will happen in time (or just pick one dr to sign it off!) but in the meantime use what's useful and try not to get too hung up on names and syndromes... just MO and hang in there! it will get easier in time...

Stormbride... I agree about sleep! its really important... I often find people surprised that M and L sleep about 12 hours at night! they sleep about 8-8 and sometimes more and I really see the difference when they don't!

we went skiing at Hemlock Valley yesterday for the second time this year! We can finally all ski and yesterday we even took Lucas on a chair lift... it was awesome! no more hanging out on the bunny hill for me... well almost, but the end is near it is really nice to have all the kids be big enough to really ski

Jen Wife to Jason and Mom to Cassidy 10y Malcolm8y & Lucas 5y
living in Canada and Costa Rica and slowly exploring the world
gr8fulmom is offline  
#435 of 705 Old 01-31-2010, 02:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
flowmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 4,350
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by gr8fulmom View Post
even if you want to get school funding, it will happen in time (or just pick one dr to sign it off!)
Unfortunately it's not that simple. You have to jump through a lot of diagnostic hoops to get the funding. It's a multi-step process and I'm early in the process.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gr8fulmom View Post
try not to get too hung up on names and syndromes...
You know, I look at my child with the eyes of a mother. He is just ds, wonderful, smart, funny, loving, exasperating ds. I am the expert on my child, yet I am not the expert on certain tendencies that my child has. I really want to get support and help from people who "get" children like my ds. And finding that support means putting on medico glasses and looking at my child through the lenses of different disorders...seeing the ADHD tendencies, the sensory tendencies, the ASD-ish tendencies. It's going to take time to figure out what approaches are going to help ds the most. The reality is that the rest of the world doesn't look at my child with a mother's eyes. I want ds to be able to meet the world half way so that he can fully engage in life.

It's heartbreaking to see an adult like my brother who can't do that. My parents loved him and believed in him, but it wasn't enough. And when they finally acknowledged how serious the problems were in his teenagerhood, it was too late to take proactive approaches. We all lived in fear of him.

gr8fulmom, the skiing sounds so fun!

sharing life with | 10 yo ds | 8 yo dd | dh (since 2012)
"I am not what happened to me...I am what I choose to become." ~ Carl Jung
flowmom is offline  
#436 of 705 Old 02-01-2010, 01:11 AM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by flowmom View Post
Storm Bride, if your ds easily naps at 4.5 years old, my guess is that he is not getting enough sleep and that will for sure cause behaviour issues. Because dd was waking ds early in the morning, we had to keep making ds' bedtime earlier and earlier until he could get enough sleep even if she woke him up. And we use melatonin to get him to sleep quickly enough for him to get enough sleep.
We tried putting him down for a nap in the afternoon without success for a long time. It's generally very difficult to get him down...unless I use the tv. This week, I was desperate enough to do that. I'm going to work harder on the sleep thing. Right now, a short nap (he used to nap for about 2.5 hours, but now does about 1-1.5), followed by a bedtime an hour earlier than it used to be seems to be working.

Quote:
My kids also need the stimulation of outings, and it's quite rare that we spend the day at home.
Yes. I think this is important. I'm not good at getting out the door with the kids, and don't seem to be getting any better, but I'm making more of an effort now. I really don't like driving, and I also don't like walking places with ds2 very much, because he has no sense about cars, so I spend the whole time with my heart in my mouth.

Quote:
Sorry to hear about the possible bronchitis. You might want to get that checked out...I thought I had bronchitis but it was pneumonia. It really wiped me out and I feel like I'm still recovering over a month later. wishing you and your family good health.
Thank you. I'm pretty sure it's bronchitis. I used to get it a lot...first when I was a heavy smoker in my late teens/early 20s, and then during the last year of my first marriage...so I'm pretty familiar with how it feels. Since I was so stressed about my sister and not getting enough sleep over Christmas and early January, I'm not surprised it ambushed me again! A combination of as much rest as I can get, some mild cardio workouts, and breathing steam with eucalyptus oil in it seems to be helping.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#437 of 705 Old 02-01-2010, 02:48 AM
 
dawncayden's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Vancouver BC Canada
Posts: 4,338
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Yes. I think this is important. I'm not good at getting out the door with the kids, and don't seem to be getting any better, but I'm making more of an effort now. I really don't like driving, and I also don't like walking places with ds2 very much, because he has no sense about cars, so I spend the whole time with my heart in my mouth.

Are there any trails near your house? Or a short drive away? When ds1 was younger and not so car aware, I loved to walk where I didn't have to think about traffic. Big fields, trails, the beach etc. Pick a good place, dress em all warm, bring some snacks and an umbrella and head out into any weather
Some lucky ducks have these locations close to home but most of us have to transit or drive to them

75% Crunchy 25% Smooth
Raising 2 peanuts. #3 due in June bellyhair.gif

dawncayden is offline  
#438 of 705 Old 02-01-2010, 02:56 AM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Dawn: We have a short trail behind our place, with a field the kids love to play in. We look for mushrooms, bugs, etc., and the kids hung bird feeders along the trail on the winter Solstice. But, there's also a river along the trail, and ds2 keeps edging closer and closer to it. I like to take them there, but it's just as scary as the cars!

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#439 of 705 Old 02-02-2010, 04:36 AM
 
vancouverlori's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 992
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So much going on!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I've thought about dyes quite a bit. ... DH has commented that ds2 is a "Froot Loops kid". If we have Froot Loops (something we used to buy about twice a year, and aren't buying at all these days), ds2 will go absolutely ballistic about 30-60 minutes after eating them, and he stays that way for quite a while.
If there are any foods that your DS2 eats kind of obsessively, that's a pretty good clue to behaviour-modifying food allergies. Like those kids who will only eat noodles (wheat allergy!) or peanut butter (peanuts!) or milk... whatever. The theory goes that the allergic reaction (and it's not a classic Ig-E reaction that will show up for sure on a skin-prick test) creates neuro-excitatory processes in the brain, creating the behaviour AND making the kid want more. Calvin was that way about many foods. He'd eat two *whole* sweet potatoes at a time if you let him. Good for you, yes, but they made him crazy and itchy. So we did a full elimination diet, called "The Core Diet for Kids" (e-mail me and I'll send you my quick-and-dirty sumary). It was TOTALLY worth it. Now that he's 6 1/2, we're working on his behaviour and managing his temper with the understanding that if he can control his temper better, I'm fine with him eating other foods. And he's old enough now to decide for himself if he wants to eat things that make him itchy. We'll continue to monitor his behaviour (I've set up a little fridge magnet system) so we can see if anything is making him too crazy. But hopefully we'll be able to add more variety to his diet, because it's really starting to get him down. (And do they really always have to have *pizza* at lacrosse games??? He can't have anything remotely pizza-related!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by kdtmom2be View Post
This is why they don't make blue Smarties any more.
They don't make blue smarties anymore? Huh. Have to admit that as much as it galls me to put anything into Nestle's coffers, I have a sore spot for Smarties just because I loooove them. And Kit Kats and Coffee Crisps. Why do they have to be the ones making all my favourites??? TG for Cadbury Fruit & Nut bars and Lindt Fleur de Sel bars. Though I read that Cadbury was bought out by Kraft in a somewhat hostile takeover recently.

I also really appreciate companies that make their products only out of real food. Regular old potato chips are awesome. But I wish they would require manufacturers to list what "spices" are in the foods. Calvin can't have any peppers - bell, cayenne, chili or paprika are out, so anything that says "spices" is out too - and that's a LOT of foods.

I don't know about the outdoor/exercise thing... I guess it's really highly individual. We mostly stay indoors (I just get too cold too easily), and Calvin does fine now. And the folks that ran his old daycare, they tried to go on that theory too, but they did find that they actually had more trouble settling the kids when they'd been outside than when they hadn't. (They did still go outside daily unless it was really horrendous.)

Lisa and Flowmom, do your sons have 2nd toes that are longer than the big toe? If so, it's called a Morton's Toe, and is associated with a minor genetic anomaly where the body is unable to convert Pyridoxine (a B vitamin) to its active form, necessary for proper metabolism. Sometimes this will result in ADHD and ASD-like behaviours. If they have this, I've heard that it may be worth trying a Pyridoxal-5-phosphate supplement (that's the active form) and seeing how they do after a month or two. If it's going to happen, the improvement is supposed to be quite dramatic.

Lisa - I think your DS is mostly just very rambunctious. ( <- your dd1 + ds2 + Calvin) His unwillingness to listen (from what I've witnessed) is not entirely out of the realm of "normal" (whatever that means!). Look at the long-view! Passionate, energetic, driven people go places. Perseverance and pig-headedness are two sides of the same very useful coin. (One I have plenty of myself.) If he was the only little one you had to deal with, you could probably manage easier, but then again, you'd be the only one there to play with him and entertain him all day. I think you're doing better than you think - I don't know if I could do what you do! Once you're healed up, things will look better. And in two years, if nothing's changed, then I might wonder what's up. The !Kung (Kalahari Bushmen) have a saying I love: Children are crazy!

Lori : mum to Emily (nov94) and Calvin (jul 03), : and : married to : Wes
vancouverlori is offline  
#440 of 705 Old 02-02-2010, 02:52 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by vancouverlori View Post
If there are any foods that your DS2 eats kind of obsessively, that's a pretty good clue to behaviour-modifying food allergies. Like those kids who will only eat noodles (wheat allergy!)..
hmm...ds2 loves noodles. He won't eat only noodles, but he loves, loves, loves them. He has an interesting approach to food. He'll be a completely carb junkie for days and I'll almost despair of getting any significant amount of protein into him...and then he'll suddenly decide to eat 3 consecutive hard-boiled eggs, and a chunk of cheese for breakfast.

Quote:
We'll continue to monitor his behaviour (I've set up a little fridge magnet system) so we can see if anything is making him too crazy. But hopefully we'll be able to add more variety to his diet, because it's really starting to get him down. (And do they really always have to have *pizza* at lacrosse games??? He can't have anything remotely pizza-related!)
That's no fun for a kid at all. It wasn't an issue with it, but I couldn't stand pizza until my late teens or early 20s. Maybe things have changed a little, but in the early to mid 80s, that was a serious social handicap for a teenager!

Quote:
They don't make blue smarties anymore? Huh. Have to admit that as much as it galls me to put anything into Nestle's coffers, I have a sore spot for Smarties just because I loooove them. And Kit Kats and Coffee Crisps. Why do they have to be the ones making all my favourites??? TG for Cadbury Fruit & Nut bars and Lindt Fleur de Sel bars.
Lindt 90% cocoa bars and the one with the chilis are my weakness - which is amazing!

Quote:
I also really appreciate companies that make their products only out of real food. Regular old potato chips are awesome. But I wish they would require manufacturers to list what "spices" are in the foods. Calvin can't have any peppers - bell, cayenne, chili or paprika are out, so anything that says "spices" is out too - and that's a LOT of foods.
Potato chips are my downfall. Miss Vickies Sea Salt & Malt Vinegar are my "got to" item when I shop hungry (which I do more often than I should). I eat way too many of them.

Quote:
I don't know about the outdoor/exercise thing... I guess it's really highly individual. We mostly stay indoors (I just get too cold too easily), and Calvin does fine now. And the folks that ran his old daycare, they tried to go on that theory too, but they did find that they actually had more trouble settling the kids when they'd been outside than when they hadn't. (They did still go outside daily unless it was really horrendous.)
I think being outside is good for mine, especially dd1. But, being active is the most important part. We bought ds2 a "Bounce Around" for Christmas. It's an inflatable trampoline thing. It helped a lot, but it has a pinhole and needs to be patched. I'll try to remember to do that this week. Being able to blow it up and get them jumping is great.

Quote:
Lisa and Flowmom, do your sons have 2nd toes that are longer than the big toe? If so, it's called a Morton's Toe, and is associated with a minor genetic anomaly where the body is unable to convert Pyridoxine (a B vitamin) to its active form, necessary for proper metabolism. Sometimes this will result in ADHD and ASD-like behaviours. If they have this, I've heard that it may be worth trying a Pyridoxal-5-phosphate supplement (that's the active form) and seeing how they do after a month or two. If it's going to happen, the improvement is supposed to be quite dramatic.
Interesting. I'll check that out - I've never noticed, one way or the other.

Quote:
Lisa - I think your DS is mostly just very rambunctious. ( <- your dd1 + ds2 + Calvin) His unwillingness to listen (from what I've witnessed) is not entirely out of the realm of "normal" (whatever that means!). Look at the long-view! Passionate, energetic, driven people go places. Perseverance and pig-headedness are two sides of the same very useful coin. (One I have plenty of myself.) If he was the only little one you had to deal with, you could probably manage easier, but then again, you'd be the only one there to play with him and entertain him all day. I think you're doing better than you think - I don't know if I could do what you do! Once you're healed up, things will look better. And in two years, if nothing's changed, then I might wonder what's up. The !Kung (Kalahari Bushmen) have a saying I love: Children are crazy!
My biggest problems with ds2 are his inability to wait for anything, and his lack of impulse control. I'm sure they're related. I've lost track of the number of times he's melted down, because he'll ask for somethng while I have my hands in hot, soapy water, and I'll say, "just let me finish this" or "okay - just have to dry off my hands". That's it. Meltdown. He reacts as if I'd said "never again in your life".

I have a great bunch of kids. They're all smart, energetic, creative (ds2 not as much as the older two), enthusiastic, etc. They need a mom who isn't so tired. Maybe four pregnancies so close together, with the accompanying surgical recoveries, wasn't the smartest idea I've ever had.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#441 of 705 Old 02-02-2010, 04:47 PM
 
tiffani's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 3,886
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Lisa have you had your hormone levels checked? I think various hormone issues can cause fatigue, and I'd think you'd be a prime candidate for hormone imbalance, given your last few years... I think, too, that what doctors consider "the normal range" for hormone levels is different than what naturopaths consider "the optimum range" for good health. I have never had mine checked, but feel like I should...

and fwiw, my dd who is NOT sensitive to wheat (or shows no signs of it at all if she is) is the carb junkie, whereas my child who IS sensitive to wheat could take it or leave it. I have heard that too, that your body craves the thing it's allergic to, but then there is also just plain old food preferences to account for. It's pretty easy to avoid wheat with dex (aside from tortillas, which are a mainstay at our house) he's quite happy with a fried egg and cut up vegetables for breakfast, or almonds and seaweed for dinner... he's a crazy kid in many ways.

We're Tiffani , Mark , Lucy (9/99) , Dexter (8/01) ,and Zachary Marvin (3/07) and Naomi Rose (6/09), home 11/10, by way of Ugandan adoption.

tiffani is offline  
#442 of 705 Old 02-02-2010, 04:58 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I hadn't even thought about hormone levels. That's a good idea. I know I was anemic during my pregnancy with Jenna, and at least somewhat during my pregnancy with Aaron (based on my food cravings, but it makes sense). I'm pretty sure my body's just...depleted. I try to work on it, and have a few good days, and then I'm just too tired to make the effort, so I snack on less nutrient dense things and forget to take my supplements and stuff.

I do think it's getting better, though...the bronchitis was definitely a major wall to run into.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#443 of 705 Old 02-02-2010, 08:59 PM
 
Piglet68's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Vancouver Island, Canada
Posts: 11,097
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
My biggest problems with ds2 are his inability to wait for anything, and his lack of impulse control.
He sounds so much like Sasha at that age. Here is one tactic that helped with the "just a minute" thing. Talk to them about it and ask questions. For example: DS wants a sandwich and I'm up to my arms in dirty dishes. I'll say "Okay, do you want white bread or brown? Do you want peanut butter and jam or do you want meat?"...basically ANYTHING that I can think of to ask (as he is rarely that specific right off the bat). Even if I know what he wants it used to help alot b/c he wasn't hearing "no" or "wait a minute" or "not yet". Instead he felt like I was totally focussed on helping him (even though I could have those conversations while continuing on with what I was doing, lol).

It is a very hard age and with you having 4 (3 that need "watching") it must be very difficult. I second the suggestion to go places where you don't have to worry about him running into traffic, etc. That bird sanctuary place down on Dollarton isn't far from you and it's pretty wide open, too. You also might consider getting a trampoline. We are definitely gonna get one after we move - DS loves them and it's a great way to burn off some excess energy.

Finally, I do second the sleep suggestion. If he can nap at that age he likely needs a bit more sleep. Read "Sleepless in America" if you haven't already. Excellent info in that book!


teapot2.GIF Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)  ribbonjigsaw.gif blogging.jpg homeschool.gif

Piglet68 is offline  
#444 of 705 Old 02-03-2010, 05:32 AM
 
giraffee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 59
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Big thank you to those mamas who replied - the lurkdom kind of becomes you after a while Though I did get to 200 posts on TBW just recently, so there is hope for me after all.

I tried to look up Dr Kee, but couldn't find an address online,and I will try calling Dr Melvin de Levie and seeing if he even would be available in this century as he seems to be extremely popular and busy.

I agree with those of you who say that diagnosis of ADD and ADHD seems to apply to many children that are just that - children. However, in my DSS's case there is something going on - it just might not be ADHD after all. But then - to get to the ped's office you need a referral from your family doctor, to get to a specialist - a referral from your ped. For both working parents with another child to care for it seems like a near impossible run around. But every doctor offers us a prescription right away - just in case it works. Such an easy solution - let's just drug him... I need to go to sleep now, it's past midnight... and I'm rambling.

Vira, mom to Sophia (06/08) and step-mom to Vlad (09/98)
giraffee is offline  
#445 of 705 Old 02-03-2010, 02:34 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piglet68 View Post
It is a very hard age and with you having 4 (3 that need "watching") it must be very difficult. I second the suggestion to go places where you don't have to worry about him running into traffic, etc. That bird sanctuary place down on Dollarton isn't far from you and it's pretty wide open, too. You also might consider getting a trampoline. We are definitely gonna get one after we move - DS loves them and it's a great way to burn off some excess energy.
We don't have anywhere to put a true trampoline, but he does have his Bounce Around. We just need to patch it...

Quote:
Finally, I do second the sleep suggestion. If he can nap at that age he likely needs a bit more sleep. Read "Sleepless in America" if you haven't already. Excellent info in that book!
I haven't read that one. I realized yesterday that dh and I were kind of working at cross-purposes. I'd give ds2 a nap in the afternoon, then dh would push his bedtime back an hour to his old bedtime, instead of the new, earlier one. I clarified with dh yesterday that if I give ds2 a nap, he still needs to go to bed early.

And, right now, I'm NAKing, and he's using an old medicine "hypo" - you know, those little medicine droppers shaped like a hypodermic? - to squirt water across the dining room...

Oh, little boy...you're too much for me some days.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#446 of 705 Old 02-03-2010, 04:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
flowmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 4,350
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
SB, give your ds a target for squirting so he gets to do it without making a mess

Hey folks, my sister is a reporter and she's looking for "inside scoop" Olympics stories...not general interest stories, but ones based on information that is not widely available. PM me specifics if you have them.

sharing life with | 10 yo ds | 8 yo dd | dh (since 2012)
"I am not what happened to me...I am what I choose to become." ~ Carl Jung
flowmom is offline  
#447 of 705 Old 02-03-2010, 04:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
flowmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 4,350
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
giraffee, getting to the bottom of "issues" can be a long journey. Be open and sceptical. Read The Mislabeled Child -- a very valuable resource when you're trying to figure out what the heck is going on. It won't give you answers, but it will put the medical opinions that you get into perspective. Our medical system does a very poor job of assessment/diagnosis because there is little attempt made to rule out underlying causes or reconcile the different opinions of peds/specialists. That becomes the parent's job and IME it's not a simple one.

sharing life with | 10 yo ds | 8 yo dd | dh (since 2012)
"I am not what happened to me...I am what I choose to become." ~ Carl Jung
flowmom is offline  
#448 of 705 Old 02-03-2010, 04:28 PM
 
giraffee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 59
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I will try to order this book today from home. But to be honest, I am just tired, actually exhausted and want to find a solution. It's ridiculous how hard it is to get an appointment here. Even to see my OB (not being pregnant) it took me 6 months. My family needs help and soon...


Quote:
Originally Posted by flowmom View Post
giraffee, getting to the bottom of "issues" can be a long journey. Be open and sceptical. Read The Mislabeled Child -- a very valuable resource when you're trying to figure out what the heck is going on. It won't give you answers, but it will put the medical opinions that you get into perspective. Our medical system does a very poor job of assessment/diagnosis because there is little attempt made to rule out underlying causes or reconcile the different opinions of peds/specialists. That becomes the parent's job and IME it's not a simple one.

Vira, mom to Sophia (06/08) and step-mom to Vlad (09/98)
giraffee is offline  
#449 of 705 Old 02-03-2010, 07:26 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by flowmom View Post
SB, give your ds a target for squirting so he gets to do it without making a mess
I'll try that. I have a couple of big sponges. Maybe I could set one of those up in a bowl or something. I suspect, knowing ds2, that if he's not making a mess, it won't be as much fun, but it's certainly worth a try, at least. Thanks for the idea. I can't believe something so simple didn't even occur to me.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#450 of 705 Old 02-03-2010, 08:14 PM
 
giraffee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 59
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Misread the issue with the sponges

Vira, mom to Sophia (06/08) and step-mom to Vlad (09/98)
giraffee is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off