Mothering Forum banner

Vancouver (ish) Tribe ~ November Rain

13K views 353 replies 39 participants last post by  widemouthedfrog 
#1 ·
Welcome lower mainland mamas!

(and mamas to be)


And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
Nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Axl Rose


All local mamas are welcome here! Visitors are welcome to pop in too. We are brought together by our passion for conscious/thoughtful/attachment/respectful/wholistic/natural parenting, not always agreeing on the path but agreeing to respectfully discuss, share, and learn together. Feel free to join in the conversation and introduce yourself!

This is our thread for chatting online, discussing issues relevant to the Lower Mainland, and arranging meetings in real life. If you have issues and questions that are not specific to the Vancouver area, please start a new thread in the appropriate MDC forum (e.g. breastfeeding, discipline, health, etc.). You can also post a link to your topic in this thread if you are requesting input from your tribe members. This allows us to

1. adhere to MDC guidelines;
2. keep questions and responses organized; and
3. reduce thread traffic and allow readers more control over which discussions they engage in.

Meet-ups are sporadic and include gatherings at parks, Science World, and people's homes. Anyone is welcome to suggest a gathering time/place. Meet-ups are either announced in the meet-up thread in the Canada Forum or here.

Remember that to get email notification of new posts in this thread, you can post to this thread to subscribe or you can use 'thread tools' and click 'subscribe'.

Please note that our Vancouver(ish) Tribe has other threads in the Canada Forum, including:

* Vancouver(ish) Meet-up thread
* Knitting Group Thread: look in the Canada forum
* Vancouver(ish) Doctors for Children
* Vancouver(ish) Dental Resources for Children
* FAQ: Greater Vancouver Area Liveability and Affordability
 
See less See more
2
#7 ·
: Hi everyone...I'm still alive, just busy. I haven't read the thread since I last popped in so I am very behind on everything. So why don't I just distribute a round of hi-fives and hugs to those who want/need or have earned them OK? Has anyone read that great sig line that someone has that goes something like this "MDC: the real reason your house is a mess"? Well, it turns out that it's true: if I spend 2-3 hours every night after the kids go to bed the laundry gets done, the kitchen gets cleaned up, the floor gets picked up, and the washrooms don't get horrifying. Boring, huh?
You still can't really tell if you drop by midday. I feel like I'm constantly struggling to bring balance to my life. Exercise: not happening. My paid work: not happening. Meditation: not happening. Spending time in adult conversation: not happening much at all. Honestly, I still feel burned out from when dh left town for 2 weeks. It feels like I will never catch up and be able to have guilt-free leisure time. The good news is that I've made babysteps on decluttering and organization. Other good news is that ds is generally doing really well (though seems to be fighting something off and very grumpy yesterday and today). Goodbye four, hello five
:. I'm seeing more affection and more desire to cooperate and be helpful. There is a sweetness to his disposition that we haven't seen for a long time. He seems to be enjoying his DL program at New West -- I have been surprised that he willingly participates in the primary program by himself for 2 hours each week
. The program is too schoolish for my taste, but his 2 teachers are really nice and great at "collecting" the kids. Another big thing in our lives is that dh and I are starting marriage counselling. I know that most people would not post about this, but I have chosen to do so because I wish that people didn't feel that getting professional help is some kind of dirty secret. I feel that the individual counselling that I did in my 20s was so healing and vastly increased my capacity for happiness. Marriage counselling feels like a different cup of tea, mostly because of stress about child care. We had a neighbour take the kids for our first session though, and it went great
. It was dd's first time being babysat and she's 2.5! It's complicated, though, because dh just wants childcare from people who dd knows, but all of those people are super busy so it's hard for me to ask for their help. I wish we could just hire someone from Nannies on Call because coordinating everyone's schedules is a nightmare
:. Dd is still a joy, but we are dealing with a lot more challenging behaviours like screaming and calling people "stupid". Our counsellor told us that the two greatest marriage stressors are 1. having children when then youngest is 2 and 2. having teenagers. #1 is counterintuitive because you'd think that having the youngest be a baby would be the most stressful, but I guess it makes sense because we still have major sleep issues with dd and we are also dealing with a lot of sibling stuff
:. Note to self: time to re-read Siblings Without Rivalry. Uncharacteristically, I dressed up for Halloween this year. As WonderWoman
. I felt kinda foolish in the get-up as a 40 year old matron
but I think I was subconsciously groping for that sexy 70s-style power that I was in awe of watching Lynda Carter on TV in my childhood. Anyway, everyone had a good giggle
. The real wonder women that I am awe of today are the beautiful energetic homeschooling moms out there who are full of energy and living rich lives that nourish themselves, their marriages, and their children. I want their superpowers
.

for starting the thread Len. Love the quotation -- I always need the reminder that the November rains don't last forever...

 
#10 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ksenia View Post
Uncharacteristically, I dressed up for Halloween this year. As WonderWoman
. I felt kinda foolish in the get-up as a 40 year old matron
but I think I was subconsciously groping for that sexy 70s-style power that I was in awe of watching Lynda Carter on TV in my childhood. Anyway, everyone had a good giggle
. The real wonder women that I am awe of today are the beautiful energetic homeschooling moms out there who are full of energy and living rich lives that nourish themselves, their marriages, and their children. I want their superpowers
.
You may not feel like it, but you ARE a WonderWoman! Good on you for getting what you and Stefan need - I hope the stressful aspect simmers down. And it's very good to hear that things are going well with Wolfi! And things will get better with Uma too.

Lately I'd been wondering why the fall foliage seemed so brilliant. I figured it out on the 31st when it started raining! I realized that normally we don't see the trees in their full glory because the rain beats down the leaves as soon as they turn. I do wish I'd take a few pictures - I kept seeing these glorious vistas as I drove around - and now it's too late. Ah well, the November rains indeed won't last forever.

I'm starting to freak out about Calvin's schooling. I'm a beanhead - I totally should have gone with Self-Design. Now I have to hand in all these checklists and assignments and it's all eduspeak lingo crap and stuff either Calvin has no interest in, or that he already knows and finds obvious (like what stuff is made of).
None of it seems to have any bearing on what we're actually doing and I'm kinda losing my way... I totally wanted to unschool.
Next year...
 
#11 ·
"ish" to include Vancouver Island too please!!

Thinking of you Lisa

Ksenia, good to 'see' you back. We're big believers in counselling over here. After 9 years of marriage plus 3 before that, we now know we cycle through good and bad times. Each time we hit a low we seek out help and learn a couple new things that help us grow, we work on these for a while, then hit a stalemate and need help again and so the cycle goes. So overall for us, we slowly get better and better.

I've been really interested in Emotional therapy. Someone posted here about it a while back. It was totally eye opening to find out how attachment works, and is critical, in adult relationships too. We've been going through the 2 books recommended in the post. Let's see if non-technical me can do a link...

http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Me-Tight-.../dp/031611300X

http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principl...ref=pd_sim_b_2

Happy November everyone

Janet
 
#12 ·
nice to see some old faces
not that you look old
you look like wonder women to me! ksenia, i love therapy
i need to find a therapist in london.

can't you jump ship, lori? you could ask selfdesign! might as well ask, see how it goes. not that sd isn't lots of hoop jumping too. speaking of which, i'm supposed to be catching up on a couple of weeks of neglect


we've been out in the garden, planning exciting plans, though the soil is pure clay and yes, it is very novemberish here. we're slowly settling in and at the same time, it is less than two months til we return to vancouver for a good visit! i think we're about halfway. it is nice to know where the grocery store is, and the playground, and i hope to figure out where to put my clothes, and the knives, and the bikes, at some point...it is a chilly victorian house, but we're becoming very cosy. time to make some friends here!

hug for storm.

*
 
#13 ·
baby aaron

for lisa
may this year bring you the joy you deserve!


the weather here is so much fun! crazy!!!! wind and rainstorm two nights ago -- hardest rain I've seen in...maybe forever? then a beautiful sunny sunday spent at the beach watching the surfers brave the INSANE waves...

we have furniture delivery guys coming any moment now, so I've cleaned up (so much easier when you have nothing!) and am now awaiting their arrival, and sadly, I can't even hang out on the computer for long, as my neck is messed up (again!
and sitting here is not feeling so good... today I'm finding yoga, massage, and chiro, and making them a regular part of our lives. hold me to that, ok?


Hi Janet! glad you're popping in more these days! I'd love to hear about any developments, or lack of developments in your family-growing journey!
I've been really sad about our situation not working out the last few weeks. It sounds silly, but I miss them.


Ksenia, it's so nice to *see* you!! I was going to pm you if you weren't here today and make sure you were well. funny how much more "well" we get when we are absent from the computer, hey? glad to hear wolfie is slowly exiting the fearsome fours, and Uma...well, she's too cute to be frustrating
-- I cracked up when you said she's calling people stupid!
 
#14 ·
Dh and I are really enjoying Hold Me Tight...it really fits in with what I know about attachment with kids and it is making sense to dh as well. I am reading parts of it out loud to him in the evenings and we are enjoying a really good "upcycle" in our relationship because of the conversations we are having lately. Thank you so much to whoever recommended it a few months ago (Ksenia?). I've also recommended it to my teaching partner who is having a tough time in her second marriage and she is finding it very effective as well.

Stormbride -
for you and
for baby Aaron.
 
#15 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by vancouverlori View Post
None of it seems to have any bearing on what we're actually doing and I'm kinda losing my way... I totally wanted to unschool.
Next year...
Why not "drop out"? All you have to do is let your DL know and "register" with a school. Then you're on your own
. If there's any time to unschool, surely it's kindergarten! Although you'd be giving up some cash, the additional time that you could spend with your children is worth more than anything you could buy them. I'm behind on my reporting as well
.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pealette View Post
I've been really interested in Emotional therapy. Someone posted here about it a while back. It was totally eye opening to find out how attachment works, and is critical, in adult relationships too.
Yes, we're doing Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples that Hold Me Tight is based on. Should be interesting...
 
#17 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ksenia View Post
Why not "drop out"? All you have to do is let your DL know and "register" with a school.
well, except that I've already spent the money I was allotted (well, lots of it) and I'd have to give that back. And then if I moved to another DL program, b/c it's after Sep 30th, they wouldn't get funding for Calvin, so we'd have no resource money to pay Summit back. It'll be ok, I just need to wrap my head around it. It's only a few more months... I'm not going insane, just feeling a little confused and overwhelmed... I'll be OK.

"Hold Me Tight" - ooh, missed that one. I'll have to add it to my "to read" list. I'm missing my daily transit commute for reading time...
 
#18 ·
Do love hold me tight. Did I mention that I had it on hold at the library, and my MIL almost took it out, thereby peeking at my hold?
We have the same name.
Anyway, trying to keep a stiff upper lip about the not-being-embarrassed part, Ksenia.

Good to see you here, Ksenia! Love the Halloween costume. I was a farmer, dd was a pig. It was a halfhearted attempt at a farmer, though. I agree that I get more sleep, work, and cleaning done sans computer, but sometimes I need my fix!

I'd really like to go to counseling with dh - I started in June, but dh is not one to move easily towards discussing personal issues with someone else, and he isn't really at a point where he's comfortable with the idea. I was 18 when we started dating, and I have realized just how much growing up I did in my twenties! A lot of personal change.

Lori, I have been taking photos of the fall leaves. In fact, some days when dh and dd weren't home yet, I would head out into the front and take photos for a few minutes. I'm terrible at photography, though, and I didn't quite capture that lovely fall light.

Thinking of you, storm bride
 
#20 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by kdtmom2be View Post
Not much time to read or post these days, just wanted to interject that I am entirely pissed right now that there is a VBAC ban at Langley Memorial Hospital. What kind of BS is that?!
I am appalled. What, are we in the dark ages or has the border shifted a couple km north??? Thanks for bringing that to our attention. How did you find out?
 
#22 ·
I checked out the website for Emotionally Focused Therapy and there is a place in Abbotsford that has subsidized counseling with one counsellor being trained in that technique. It is less than half of some other places I looked at, has anyone heard anything good or bad about Cares? I think I will make us an appointment.
 
#24 ·
Hello everyone!

We had fun hanging out with our neighbor friends with kids. Too cute to see 4 little boys toting, all 2 feet high.
Ds was a elephant and I was a death eater. Dh came as a bus driver
(he just came from work)

I'm feeling happy and huge although everyone tells me I don't really look very pregnant
which is soooo not helpful when you feel gynormous, so I guess I always look this way

Its really exciting having a second on the way, and surprisingly not scary.
The only thing I'm slightly worried about is how ds will react to me being in labour and how well he'll accept being taken care of by my mom in our house while dh and I are 'busy'. I'm also a little worried about my mom seeing me in labour but I also think it might be a healing thing for us both to experience.
I think my nausea has finally left, although last time I said that it decided to hover for a while longer.

I'm enjoying having a blog, who knew I had time to hang out on mdc, AND write blog posts? Thats the beauty of a boring job, where I have to look busy for 4.5 of the 5 hours I'm there...

Oh and I LOVE photography! I always imagine I'm very talented at it, so I take TONS of photos, and to see them on the computer, the point I was trying to make is often lost, but I always blame the equipment
We are actually getting a pretty sweet camera soon, so we'll see if I really have 'the eye'
The photos the mama takes on Red Caboose blog are such and inspiration to me, so I often take nature pics after visiting her site.

What is this about no VBAC in Langley?
 
#25 ·
welcome erwyn! (um...oops, I mean erynw
)

what! niki!! NOTHING to add? after all this time away? surely you must have a life update for us or SOMETHING!! How are your kiddos? I need to know!!


dawn, I had the same concerns about lucy during my labor with dex. my dad and stepmom, who were there for both kids' births, just kind of tended to her wherever she wanted to be -- in actuality, she mostly hung around me and mark, but did go in to read a story with grandma around 11 pm, then came back out when my moaning drew her in... she had watched so many birth videos that she knew what that sound meant and came running!
I remember her playing with a little red ball with a bell inside of it (probably a cat toy, but she loved it!) and I could hear where she was in the house, and it was comforting -- I wasn't distracted by her at all, just felt her happy little presence running around, doing her thing. She was only 23 months, though, so she had no concept of blood being a bad thing or anything like that -- we watched a million birth videos (including her own) and played birth ALL the time, and she was great. My parents were great to just let her do her thing, and listen to me that she was actually fine to be where she was. I would just go into it with an open mind, and you might find that his presence is a positive thing, rather than needing to have him taken somewhere else in the house -- that might be tricky, unless your mom has something exciting up her sleeve! One thing we talked about a lot was that she couldn't touch me when I was having a contraction, and she was really funny between contractions she would reach out her index finger and put it on my shoulder ever so gently, just to touch me between contractions...

and I do feel like with my first birth, it was slowed down a bit from my parents being there -- but with my second it was so fast, and I felt more comfortable, and also a bit more aware of what I actually had ahead of me, so I was more concerned about that than about my dad seeing me nekkid! I think you'll have a beautiful, easy birth, and cayden will do wonderfully!
 
#26 ·
Hello everybody. I'm feeling sorry for myself today because I have another cold, the second in a month. It isn't as bad as the last one but still I've been feeling crappy for three days now. To top it off DD now has a stomach bug and has been throwing up this afternoon. Mind you, it's nice to have her snuggling in bed with me, too.

I was really inspired by what Ksenia wrote about counselling and so I'm going to come out and say that DH and I found Emotion Focussed Therapy early this year after things between us were getting too strained. We were fighting all the time. So we went to the counsellor and got the book. It was a wonderful experience and we "graduated" after about 10 weeks. I passed on the recommendation to Ksenia.

It has given us the skills to work through issues better and recognize our own "hot buttons". I highly recommend it to anybody who is struggling in their marriage. Ksenia is right that if more people talked about it maybe more people would feel comfortable with it. We get help with everything else in our lives but we seem to feel like we are failures somehow if we seek help with the most important relationships in our lives! At least that is how I felt at first.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top