Hey Hey, It's MAY! --PDX thread - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 205 Old 05-02-2009, 06:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I guess I'll just have to start the thread myself... my very first!

What are your favorite family bonding activities, everyone?

Ours is pretty simple and spontaneous. Living room dance parties! We just clear the floor space, crank up the music, and dance. I really want to add to our fun with a few special activities, like taking a model boat to Eastmoreland park (large shallow ponds) on sunny days.

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#2 of 205 Old 05-02-2009, 08:04 PM
 
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we love to listen to harry potter together.

Leslie-mom to Carson and Madison :, Sage Tree :, and Buckbeak, Tonks, and Luna
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#3 of 205 Old 05-02-2009, 09:39 PM
 
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Happy May everyone.
Our favorite family activities are we go on family hikes at least once a month. It gives us a chance to get away from all the electronic distractions so that we can talk about all kinds of stuff.
We also read a lot of books together and listen to books on tape.

oAlisha- eternal companion to mike:, mother to three energetic boys (02):, (05), and (07) and one sweet little girl 3/13.  Two in heaven.7/21/2010, 11/05/2011 mecry.gif.

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#4 of 205 Old 05-02-2009, 09:43 PM
 
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Lately it's been reading, cooking and gardening which I :
But only for a few minutes. I can't seem to keep everyone on the same project for very long. We tend to wander off ...

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#5 of 205 Old 05-02-2009, 11:23 PM
 
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Pre-baby-explosion, DH and DS1 and I would cook together. Now, at least one of us have to hold babies.

One thing ALL of us can do together is go for walks. Our neighborhood is pretty walking friendly, so we try to get out on nice days.

Joanna - wife to Mike, mamachicken to Cub(8/98), Kitten (4/07), Dew-man, and Woe-boy(twins, 10/08)
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#6 of 205 Old 05-03-2009, 01:54 PM
 
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hmmm. probably cooking. both my kids like to stand on chairs at the counter and help...leaving me about two inches of counter space

and bike riding. or walking over to the playground together. i love it when we all go.

isaac says 'go to a restaurant together!' although we haven't been doing much of that lately

camping too. then we're out with nothing much to do but sit around and hang out. or hike/explore/boat.
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#7 of 205 Old 05-03-2009, 01:54 PM
 
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Oh this is truly sad. It's May 3rd and I just realized I should be looking for a new thread. Then when I find it.. i am the 6th post.

ETA: OK the 7th post. I see someone got on in JUST before me.

We like going to the farmers market together. Although we can't find any activities Amanda will participate in.. I guess it's a teen thing. I never wanted to go/do anything with my family once I was her age either.
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#8 of 205 Old 05-03-2009, 02:01 PM
 
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We play on the bed. Happy May!

Sara ~ one dh + one 5yo boy + baby in 2011
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#9 of 205 Old 05-03-2009, 03:01 PM
 
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hey ladies!!!! I've got my plate full right now but I would like to make a meal for Pauline. Can anyone organize it??? I know that she will have her sweet mama to help but one less thing to do is always nice right????

Pauline- glad you have a great doctor and good support. Sorry you are going through this.
Hey Angie,
Sorry I didn't respond to this earlier. We would certainly welcome any meals that people wanted to bring, organized or otherwise. I won't be working for a while so it would be helpful to have the extra food around. I just don't want to impose on people or make anyone feel obligated because my mom will be here, I won't be on my own or anything. And I'm totally freaked out about the surgery for emotional reasons but I feel like I'll probably be okay physically after the first week. Thanks to everyone who is thinking of me I'm very grateful for my community.
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#10 of 205 Old 05-03-2009, 05:16 PM
 
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Pauline can you post any allergies, dislikes, or requirements in regards to food. I know you are not vegi. Also do you have freezer space? How many people 3 adults and 1 child?

Allison wife and mom to four. 

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#11 of 205 Old 05-03-2009, 06:35 PM
 
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Um, we don't have any allergies or dislikes. We are not crazy about red and green peppers or raw onions. We are not vegetarian but we don't mind vegetarian meals. I like them. We have lots of freezer space. When my mom is here it will be 3 adults and Sophia. Thanks:-)
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#12 of 205 Old 05-03-2009, 06:38 PM
 
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As far as family bonding:

We all get into the futon bed in the living room on the weekend mornings when Shawn doesn't have to work early.

We have dance parties.

We talk about farting

We cook together.
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#13 of 205 Old 05-03-2009, 06:55 PM
 
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campbell and I color together or take the dog for a walk.....we also watch tv and snuggle. Lately we've been making breakfast together.

no circ/vax-babywearer-cosleeping-pumping/breastfeeding-homeschooling single mama to Junebug , Sugarbug and expecting
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#14 of 205 Old 05-03-2009, 10:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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is there such thing as a laundry folding service?

I'm a proud mama of two girls! 4/30/06 Madeline, 09/25/08 Amelia
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#15 of 205 Old 05-03-2009, 11:47 PM
 
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new thread!
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is there such thing as a laundry folding service?
Oh, my. that would be nice, wouldn't it? As far as I know, the only folding service would come with washing and drying service

Hmm, let's see, family activities...we do go for walks, and last weekend for a bike ride - first jaunt with the trailer. It was OK, but Chase does not like his helmet Right now, Chase and Daddy are making music together, but I'm not very good at joining in with them. I think this summer we'll probably do some picnics and hikes. And we try to eat together, always dinner, but many days we manage breakfast as well.

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#16 of 205 Old 05-04-2009, 01:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, I got the washing/drying handled, and am somewhat particular about it. I'm not particular about folding, though, and would gladly pay a reasonable amount for it. It would be way more worth it than a cleaning service to me.

Am I right in thinking that you have to do a lot of prep work before the cleaning service gets to your house? This is what holds me back. There are so many building materials around that we have to move when we clean, and then there's all the toys, and the dishes... I mean, you have to have all that out of the way, right? Once that's all out of the way the rest of it is easy. I don't think I'd pay for that.

As far as workout videos go, I think I've found my favorite. Tamilee who started the buns of steel/abs of steel videos. But she's older now and has new programs on FitTV, (which I don't get, but we still get it ondemand somehow). She is so positive, and realistic, and funny, and encouraging. And the workouts are good, of course! Now I just hope they keep it ondemand for awhile so I don't have to buy it.

I'm a proud mama of two girls! 4/30/06 Madeline, 09/25/08 Amelia
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#17 of 205 Old 05-04-2009, 01:45 AM
 
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Yeah, I got the washing/drying handled, and am somewhat particular about it. I'm not particular about folding, though, and would gladly pay a reasonable amount for it. It would be way more worth it than a cleaning service to me.

Am I right in thinking that you have to do a lot of prep work before the cleaning service gets to your house? This is what holds me back. There are so many building materials around that we have to move when we clean, and then there's all the toys, and the dishes... I mean, you have to have all that out of the way, right? Once that's all out of the way the rest of it is easy. I don't think I'd pay for that.

As far as workout videos go, I think I've found my favorite. Tamilee who started the buns of steel/abs of steel videos. But she's older now and has new programs on FitTV, (which I don't get, but we still get it ondemand somehow). She is so positive, and realistic, and funny, and encouraging. And the workouts are good, of course! Now I just hope they keep it ondemand for awhile so I don't have to buy it.
I LOVE washing/drying and folding laundry! but I don't think I would like to be paid to do it all the time.


I have housecleaners come once a month, and the morning of is always such a big deal. I try to have all the dishes done and general things picked up the night before, but then in the morning I just seem to find a million things out of place that have to be put away for them to come. So sometimes it is stressful but I wonder how my house would look if I didn't have that motivation once a month?
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#18 of 205 Old 05-04-2009, 02:11 AM
 
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Yeah, I got the washing/drying handled, and am somewhat particular about it. I'm not particular about folding, though, and would gladly pay a reasonable amount for it. It would be way more worth it than a cleaning service to me.

Am I right in thinking that you have to do a lot of prep work before the cleaning service gets to your house? This is what holds me back. There are so many building materials around that we have to move when we clean, and then there's all the toys, and the dishes... I mean, you have to have all that out of the way, right? Once that's all out of the way the rest of it is easy. I don't think I'd pay for that.

As far as workout videos go, I think I've found my favorite. Tamilee who started the buns of steel/abs of steel videos. But she's older now and has new programs on FitTV, (which I don't get, but we still get it ondemand somehow). She is so positive, and realistic, and funny, and encouraging. And the workouts are good, of course! Now I just hope they keep it ondemand for awhile so I don't have to buy it.
You should get a DVR. Than you can record whatever is on t.v. and have it around for ever and ever.

I love folding laundry. I would totally do it for $$$$ I don't like putting it away in drawers though. I would just leave it in neat, organized, little piles

Argh! I'm so annoyed and stressed out. I am totally needing to trust/count on Shawn going into this surgery situation and I just put Sophia down, went across the street for a walk for about 45 minutes and then came back to find Shawn fast asleep on the couch. Now, it's okay for him to be asleep when Sophia is asleep (since we all do that during the night) but I came in loudly, called his name and he did not wake up. So I am freaked out that if I am on pain pills and sleeping very deeply after my surgery that he will not wake up either if Sophia wakes up. It sucks to be the one who does everything (childcare-wise) and then suddenly need the other person to do stuff and have them be incapable. My mom will be staying at a hotel because we dont' really have the space to have her sleep here. I'm thinking of sending Shawn to the hotel, seriously.

I'm also really conflicted about whether Shawn should come to the hospital with me and my mom should stay at the house with Sophia or the other way around. I don't know what would be better. On the one hand, I think I would totally like my mom to be there when I wake up from surgery. I can totally count on her and I know will be great and remember all the important things that have to be remembered. On the other hand, if my mom stayed home with Sophia, I would feel totally 100% confident that Sophia was fine, whereas with Shawn there is still a little doubt in my mind. Althought they did fine together when I went for the consultation with Jenn.

Bear in mind that I"m "posting under the influence" of a few beers
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#19 of 205 Old 05-04-2009, 02:32 AM
 
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awww - i just want to give you a hug and tell you it will all be ok!! it would probably be ok either way. go with your gut instinct in deciding who you would want where. who would you want to drive sophia to come and visit you at the hospital?

i left doug at home by himself with a 3 year old and a 9 month old baby that still woke up 2 or 3 times a night to nurse. (i finally drove myself to the ER at 1am because i couldn't fall asleep through the pain. and worry about doug handling ebin was really the thing that prevented me from going in several hours earlier.) this was a man who had never handled a night wakeup at night before in his life! but they survived. and they survived 3 nights without me. ebin's bond is really better with doug than isaac's and i think that is part of the reason. dads and kids can find their way when mamas aren't around i would bet too that shawn wouldn't be sleeping as deeply if he mentally 'knew' he was supposed to be on alert, kwim??


our nanny used to clean our house. i would try to do the dishes but if i didn't she'd do it all. toys everywhere....cleaned up! she really enjoyed straightening clutter and stuff. it was so awesome. it's probably different if it's a cleaning service (where you might get a different person each time) versus just someone you hire yourself that you know and that knows your house.
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#20 of 205 Old 05-04-2009, 02:45 AM
 
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Hiking in Powell Butte, walking or biking around our neighborhood, hanging out in our backyard: working in the garden, playing soccer, reading.. Going out to dinner or brunch. Walking around The Edgefield. Camping or going to festivals would be the big stuff.
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#21 of 205 Old 05-04-2009, 06:26 AM
 
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subbing. real post l8er

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Living with an invisible chronic illness.
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#22 of 205 Old 05-04-2009, 11:56 AM
 
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Thanks Jessica,
Hopefully no one will need to drive Sophia to visit me because I should be home that night barring any complications.

I am feeling like I want my mom with me but then I get freaked out when Shawn does stupid things like leaving the burner on the stove on or leaving the widow without a screen open when Sophia's in the room. I know I probably have some control issues about leaving Shawn in charge for such a long day especially when I will be unconcious.
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#23 of 205 Old 05-04-2009, 03:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Cliff does some thoughtless things when I'm around, because he assumes I have it handled all the time. Once I'm out of the house, though, I know he gets more focused. It's gotten a little better since Amelia came along, because he knows I have my hands full, but I can't always count on him unless I explicitly tell him: "I'm going upstairs, and Maddy is here with you." So he know to watch the front door, interact once in a while, etc. When I leave, I know that there will be much TV watching, much cheese slice and chips eating, and and probably some tears (they butt heads, especially when one or both gets tired). But they have the right to have whatever relationship works for them, and they love each other and have their own rituals and I respect that. The more time Cliff gets alone with one or both girls, the more he thinks of the little safety issues... I think just having the full responsibility shocks the parenting ability into action. There will be mistakes, and there will be learning from the mistakes, and there will be growth.

I just pray very hard that those mistakes don't involve broken bones. :

It also occurs to me that Shawn may be "living up to expectation," in that he senses that you see him as thoughtless and untrustworthy (for good reason), and so that's who he is. Maybe he's not the type to react by proving otherwise. He needs to discover his own sense of responsibility and personal confidence and how it applies to parenting. When parenting is just something you do and he fills in once in a while, he's not depending on his own instincts and therefore doesn't have the whole picture. I don't know how to motivate a man to be a better parent, or motivate a man to do anything for that matter... does anyone?

In the short term, you may try giving Shawn more opportunity to claim responsibility. The better their bond, the more he will worry, and things like the window will become obvious. If you don't think he's "there," when you go in to surgery, by all means have your mom stay with Sophia. Knowing Sophia is cared for will likely put you at more ease than having your mom with you, as much as it would feel good to have your mom at your side. You could just tell him that you need him with you, not that you don't think he can be trusted watching his daughter. You may see some growth in Shawn having to be there watching out for you, too. I'm really hoping for your sake that Shawn comes out on the other side of this a better man.

OK, that got long... I admit that I still cringe sometimes at the thought of what goes on when I'm not there (tv, tv, tv), but I don't worry about Maddy's safety at least. Amelia has been left with him twice. The first time she slept on him most of the time, and the second time she slept part of the time and then played in her exersaucer. She refused a bottle both times, but was fine.

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#24 of 205 Old 05-04-2009, 05:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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sara, and anyone else interested in henna:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OObcuc6KpA4

that's a good demonstration of dying dark brown. BTW, I like your red, Sara! very pretty!

I'm a proud mama of two girls! 4/30/06 Madeline, 09/25/08 Amelia
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#25 of 205 Old 05-04-2009, 06:24 PM
 
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Cliff does some thoughtless things when I'm around, because he assumes I have it handled all the time. Once I'm out of the house, though, I know he gets more focused. It's gotten a little better since Amelia came along, because he knows I have my hands full, but I can't always count on him unless I explicitly tell him: "I'm going upstairs, and Maddy is here with you." So he know to watch the front door, interact once in a while, etc. When I leave, I know that there will be much TV watching, much cheese slice and chips eating, and and probably some tears (they butt heads, especially when one or both gets tired). But they have the right to have whatever relationship works for them, and they love each other and have their own rituals and I respect that. The more time Cliff gets alone with one or both girls, the more he thinks of the little safety issues... I think just having the full responsibility shocks the parenting ability into action. There will be mistakes, and there will be learning from the mistakes, and there will be growth.

I just pray very hard that those mistakes don't involve broken bones. :

It also occurs to me that Shawn may be "living up to expectation," in that he senses that you see him as thoughtless and untrustworthy (for good reason), and so that's who he is. Maybe he's not the type to react by proving otherwise. He needs to discover his own sense of responsibility and personal confidence and how it applies to parenting. When parenting is just something you do and he fills in once in a while, he's not depending on his own instincts and therefore doesn't have the whole picture. I don't know how to motivate a man to be a better parent, or motivate a man to do anything for that matter... does anyone?

In the short term, you may try giving Shawn more opportunity to claim responsibility. The better their bond, the more he will worry, and things like the window will become obvious. If you don't think he's "there," when you go in to surgery, by all means have your mom stay with Sophia. Knowing Sophia is cared for will likely put you at more ease than having your mom with you, as much as it would feel good to have your mom at your side. You could just tell him that you need him with you, not that you don't think he can be trusted watching his daughter. You may see some growth in Shawn having to be there watching out for you, too. I'm really hoping for your sake that Shawn comes out on the other side of this a better man.

OK, that got long... I admit that I still cringe sometimes at the thought of what goes on when I'm not there (tv, tv, tv), but I don't worry about Maddy's safety at least. Amelia has been left with him twice. The first time she slept on him most of the time, and the second time she slept part of the time and then played in her exersaucer. She refused a bottle both times, but was fine.
Laura,
Thanks so much for writing such a thoughtful post.

Shawn has really grown as a man and a father in leaps and bounds. It has been hard for me but I have definitely stretched my comfort level to trust him to care for Sophia. This was encourage by our therapists and I also felt instictually that it would be good for him to have the responsibility. I have gone out to dinner close by the house a handful of times with my friend, gone to doctor appts, take walks at night (while Sophia is asleep), ect . . But this will be a very long day. I have to be downtown at 8, surgery at 10, and I don't know when I will be done. Maybe early evening?

I do feel like it could be beneficial to Shawn and I to be at the hospital together and get through it together. He has voiced that he feels that I am not opening up to him about my feelings about the surgery and instead depending on my friends when he feels I should be counting on him emotionally to support me. And that's true, I am. And there are good reasons for that. But I would like to be able to let him support me. So maybe he should come.

But there is just something about having your mom there when you feel scared and nervous and unwell (when you have a good relationship like I do with mine).

I have been talking with Sophia about my surgery and we have been playing out the scenerio with her dolls and dollhouse. (She is a child who likes alot of preparation for things). We have alternated having the grandma doll or the daddy doll stay with her. I am getting the idea that she is really wanting grandma to be with her that day. I think she might be confused that she would not see grandma at all if daddy stayed with her and I have explained that grandma is coming for alot of days so she will see plenty of her no matter who stays home with her that day. But I want to make a final choice so Sophia can get used to the idea and feel secure in it.

Now I'm rambling...

Another good point is that I'm bound to be good and drugged up before and after the surgery so it is likely that I will not be too concerned about what going on or who is with me
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#26 of 205 Old 05-04-2009, 06:54 PM
 
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sara, and anyone else interested in henna:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OObcuc6KpA4

that's a good demonstration of dying dark brown. BTW, I like your red, Sara! very pretty!
Thanks! I've decided that I really love henna. Like, love love.

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Another good point is that I'm bound to be good and drugged up before and after the surgery so it is likely that I will not be too concerned about what going on or who is with me
Too bad you've got a chaperon for that day.

Sara ~ one dh + one 5yo boy + baby in 2011
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#27 of 205 Old 05-04-2009, 08:43 PM
 
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Pauline, I say don't try to make any big changes until you're done with this whole thing. Shawn is asking you to open up emotionally; having him there at the hospital is a good start. Sophia will love the 1-on-1 with Grandma, and I'm sure your Mom will love it too.

After this is all over, I really think you need to start sharing the responsibility more with Shawn. I don't want to make you feel bad, but I would feel completely devalued as a human being if I hadn't had my child to myself for very long in over 3 years. I know Moms might feel a lot differently than Dads. I hope I haven't overstepped here.
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#28 of 205 Old 05-04-2009, 08:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by papayapetunia View Post
Pauline, I say don't try to make any big changes until you're done with this whole thing. Shawn is asking you to open up emotionally; having him there at the hospital is a good start. Sophia will love the 1-on-1 with Grandma, and I'm sure your Mom will love it too.

After this is all over, I really think you need to start sharing the responsibility more with Shawn. I don't want to make you feel bad, but I would feel completely devalued as a human being if I hadn't had my child to myself for very long in over 3 years. I know Moms might feel a lot differently than Dads. I hope I haven't overstepped here.


You havn't overstepped. Our family situation/history is complicated and I have always done what I felt was safest for Sophia. I feel like that was my responsibility, not protecting Shawn's feelings. I realize that may sound cold. Recently though, my fears mostly have to do with who Shawn was in the past and not who he is working towards being currently. I know he can't be the father that he and I both want him to be unless I give him the opportunity. Some of it is his choice - he feels tired when he comes home from work, he feels like he can't do things as well as I can, ect . . . But I think he is really starting to be very involved with Sophia and he is doing very well. Sometimes I think he does things better than me.

I'm thinking more and more about him coming to the hospital with me and how that could be good for both of us.
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#29 of 205 Old 05-05-2009, 01:29 AM
 
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ok I need mama advice.

Campbell goes with her dad one hour during a weeknight and 2-4 hours on a weekend day. It is usually her and her dad, but half the time her brother who is 8 is there too. Weeknights he usually takes her to his parents house, but on weekends she goes to his house.

Campbell has been very vocal about things recently. Some stuff we laugh at and some things I turn red.
The other day she told her "teacher" (for early intervention) that Drake(brother) touches her peepee. She also told the pharmacist and a friend of mine. Each time the story stays the same.
Now here is where I am struggling. I don't want to think or even believe that he would do that. I raised him from 4-6. I would never think that he would harm her in any way. Although I know at that age they become "aware" of things. He also wasn't raised around her...really..I mean I left when she was 8 months and he really honestly didn't start seeing her till she was 2.
Now campbell will say things like "you touched my boob" or something to her dad when he picks her up....So I don't know how he touched her, if she was dressed or i don't know. Maybe he was trying to carry her or something? She is almost 3 and does ok about answering questions and sometimes she just states what happened. "Drake touched my peepee" is all we get. I ask where and she shows me.
I confronted her dad about this and he said "yeah she has told me that before and I just put her in time out"...I freaked. This isn't the first time? You punished her? I want her to trust she can come to us if something happens that is inappropriate. He told me to spank her or put her in time out and tell her no. I can't...I also can't just dismiss it as "she doesn't know" like he does. I don't want to think that he would do something like that. I asked him if he talked to drake about it and he said no...he isn't even going to take her seriously.
Now campbells teacher is faced with something heavy....she says by law she has to report it. This is the first I have heard about it. I am not there. All I can do is ask questions and all I get is a "I am handling it and it's none of your business what happens in my home"...but it is my business. It is my business to protect my child no matter WHO is around her or WHAT is happening. I am trying to be open minded......and have some trust. I honestly have NOT let him have her for more than 4 hours at a time and that much time is rare anyways. Most weekends he has her 2.5-3 hours. I want her to feel safe and I want her to be able to trust us.

I feel so.....violated for her and upset that it would be dismissed like that. She is not stupid, she does know. Campbell is very smart. Like I said some things I do chuckle at...like when he told me she told him he hurt her boob..I laughed. I tried telling her that it's not ok for anyone but mommy and daddy to touch her there...but now I don't even know if I feel it's ok for him to...not that he has to much. She is potty trained and usually only poops at night and I wipe her to get anything she missed....other than that I wash her in the shower...but he never has her for baths. I don't know how to approach this? I don't know what to say to someone when she blurts out something like that. It's a major accusation. I don't know if she understands that though.....what do I do?

no circ/vax-babywearer-cosleeping-pumping/breastfeeding-homeschooling single mama to Junebug , Sugarbug and expecting
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#30 of 205 Old 05-05-2009, 03:00 AM
 
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Wow, Ericka, I don't even know what to say! Who do you call when a 7-8yo might be inappropriately touching a younger child and the parent refuses to acknowledge it? Maybe the teacher who has to report it can give you some idea. And maybe that teacher can be your way of not even having to report it yourself, but get you what you need to be able to legally stop her from going over there. Either way, I'd figure it out asap.
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