|Topic Review (Newest First)|
|01-04-2008 10:31 AM|
|IntuitiveJamie||All of the above. Great suggestions from everyone. I just wanted to reinerate that I had to give myself a break too. Meaning, tone down my expectations a little during times with everything can just not be done to my normal standards. Like when I had my sec. child 3 months ago. Two in cloth diapers was/is hard. The house got messy, the laundry got cleaned, but never put away. I was feeling so bad. So I gave myself a reality check about what was impt. at that time in my life and moved on. And little by little I am able to get more done. Thank goodness, I'm tired of the house being a mess! LOL|
|01-04-2008 01:41 AM|
Being a homemaker to me...is like the hugest job I have had in my life.
Today was a bad day. Husband sick with stomach flu. Trying to keep the kids away from dad (this was after my pedicure).
Trying to keep kids quiet so dad could sleep. Getting dinner made. Getting meals for tomorrow prepped. trying to disinfect door knobs and the like and praying that no one else get sick, and trying to install some discipline to a group of rowdy boys that think saliva belongs out of their mouth!
I see myslef as a mom, spiritual director, nurse, researcher, gardener, vet (in the most simpliest of terms), housekeeper, meal planner, seamstress...need I go on?
I think the biggest thing for me is to take a deep breath and say, "this too shall pass". they are only little for a little while. The mess will get cleaned up, everyone will be ok.
also to take time for myself, because it is a job and I need a break too.
One poster said she take breaks in the day. I love love love that idea!!
To actually talk to my hubby (and plan dates for ourselves even if he never takes the intuative sp?). can you believe that even sometimes when we *ahem* I start talking about the kids?
|01-03-2008 07:35 PM|
|Lady Lilya||When I was 4 I smushed a banana into my parents' burgundy velvet antique sofa. They found it a new home and got some furniture more practical for a house with 2 kids.|
|01-03-2008 03:59 PM|
one more comment then i will let some else talk, i promse
One other things i find that maket he house more of a home for all of us is to be baby-safe (never be baby-proof) and toodler freindly.
I have put away a lot of stuff till the kids are older, we have things arranged for the ease of a 2 year old, or the un-ease (like so he can't climb) ....
less stress for me and DH, happier child, less conflict = better home.
|01-03-2008 03:56 PM|
to quote myself
|01-03-2008 03:51 PM|
there have been suggestions about decoration and music and food ... all very importnat
the biggest thig i have found -- re: being a home maker -- that is a MAKER of a HOME -- is ME .........
I need to keep the house clean, not cuz THAT makes it a home (helps ) but cuz that helps me be peacful and happy and welcoming. Clean, ie not dirty and not toooo cluttered (check the ages of my kids ) does make a home more inviteing and welcoming and thus a home not a house
I need to keep things orginzed -- files done, phone numbers where tehy are easy to access and so on -- again so i am happier, calmer and a better wife and motehr (not frazzed, stressed and not waesting a lot of time looking for stuff, moving stuff to get to what i need and so on)
IMO a house has to be well run -- grocerys to cook real dinners with bought and put away where they can be found, house clean, bills paid, clean towles and clothing put away -- in order to be a home worthy of a homemaker ....
|01-03-2008 03:13 PM|
I think the OP mentioned that being a homemaker is a 9-5. Since I've read that it's made a HUGE difference in how I conduct my day. All day I kept feeling I was *entitled* to a break and would get so upset at why the kids wanted me to do this or that.EVERY.SINGLE.SECOND.
Thinking of it at my JOB really really really has made an impact. If I was working at my old teaching job or as superviser in the pharmacy, I'd be smiling most of the day going about doing my work and wouldn't be demanding breaks so often. I'd have two 15 min. breaks and one half hour lunch so I'm using that as a guideline so I don't stress myself out.
Mothering is WAY more stressful (to me), but it's still a path I chose and will be in it for a looong time, might as well make the best of it.
So thank you for this thread. It's helping. We have a long way to go but it's getting better.
|01-03-2008 02:15 AM|
Lately I have been big into decluttering mode. I just gutted the closet and got rid of 7 bags of clothes, and filled up 4 bins of stuff for use on the next babe/pregnancy etc. My dh had so much clothing that he never ever wears, it was very nice to donate the stuff and never see it again! I feel sooo happy that it is cleaner, this will make my life better as a sahm to be in a cleaner organize more beautiful space. My dh has a lot of somewhat junky music equipment/speakers/computers in the living room that I'm not too happy about but it makes him happy.
As far as cooking I have been super thrilled with the menu mailer from tfcooking.com, written by one of our very own mdc mamas,thanks Kary! I have been doing her menu mailer for about 2 months, and not one of the recipes has been just okay, they are all absolutely delicious. and for 6 bucks a month it is a good deal. This has made my life soooo much easier, not having to plan meals or figure out the grocery list, it is all done for me and its all homecooked from scratch meals so that is nice.
I do laundry everyday,and try to keep up.
Next thing I gut is the laundry room.
After this round of gutting the closet, I am gaining more confidence in my ability to rid myself of stuff that I really dont need. I'd rather have less in general that a lot of crap.
|01-01-2008 01:24 AM|
|Chinese Pistache||I love this thread!:|
|12-31-2007 06:06 PM|
|12-31-2007 04:39 AM|
It is extremely difficult to get too much done during the day because DD2 requires my constant attention. She doesn't nap well (anymore) during the day, so I'm lucky if I get 15 minutes to shower and dress, let alone get the housework done.
I have to be honest...for a while there I was very much "I'm the homemaker--the house is my job" mentality...But I began to feel overwhelmed by all of the work I was responsible for...In my opinion, being a full-time parent to an infant is a separate job from being a housekeeper and all that it entails. I have found myself growing resentful of the fact that DH goes to work for 8 hours and then comes home and sits on the couch and watches TV until it is time for dinner, and then he goes to bed...all the while, I spend the day caring for my daughter, taking care of the big kids when they get home, and trying to work in tidying the house, and then when DH gets home, I'm still 100% responsible for the kids, plus the cleaning and cooking, and any time that DH is actually entertaining the baby, I am working on some thing or another...
Ah, well...this is a topic better suited for another thread...I just had to comment on the whole idea that a SAHMing naturally included the SAH parent being the housekeeper, too...
|12-30-2007 02:59 PM|
I also had to come up with my own system. I don't have a set schedule for when specific chores need to be done. But in a house with four people, there are some things that have to be done every day just to keep up, like vacuuming and laundry. DH is a wonderful help and he takes care of most of the laundry, and will occasionally wash dishes too. We pretty much operate under "If you see something that needs cleaned, clean it." Same goes for things that need put away, rearranged, etc...
To make things "homey" around here, I have seasonal crafty items that I rotate throughout the year. I keep them simple and classic so it doesn't look cluttered. I'm also big on window treatments, I go nuts if there's an uncovered window anywhere. For some reason pretty windows=nice house to me. I'm also a huge fan of scented candles and oils...speaking of those I need to get some more hehe...
There are lots of things I would like to start doing, like baking my own bread and canning. For me, becoming as self sufficient as possible would make me an ideal homemaker. A few acres of land with space for chickens and goats would really be awesome, but we're several years away from that goal.
|12-30-2007 02:26 AM|
I've been thinking that between the kids, the homeschooling and the working from home, once we're out of debt, I'm going to have some kind of housekeeper/cleaner coming.
|12-29-2007 06:24 PM|
Getting rid of stuff has helped me stay on top of the cleaning. If an item is not very useful and regularly used in our house, it needs to go.
I have pretty organized systems in place for meal planning/prep and for regular chores like laundry. I occasionally double recipes or batch cook so we have "convenience" foods in our freezer for nights when things just don't work out.
I keep things simple. I refuse to over commit myself or to be bullied into doing too much.
My child's naptime is my lunchtime and break time. When my DH comes home from work in the evening, I take a break and cook dinner in peace. Since most of the food prep has been done in advance, I bring the laptop into the kitchen with me and browse the internet while DD gets daddy time.
|12-29-2007 06:15 PM|
|huggerwocky||Your youngest was just born this year, cut yourself some slack, until they're verbal and a bit more independent the perfect home will be hard to achieve.|
|12-29-2007 03:29 PM|
I had to realize that my standards were too high. I would never live up to them, it was an impossible fantasy-- gracious, curious homeschooled children, organized home, meals at a set time.
I had to seriously re-evaluate everything. I placed my extroverted children in a local affordable private school and continued to homeschool another. I gave up on the meals, because trying to get everyone sitting down happily at the same time eating the same thing was causing far more stress than it was worth.
I don't force myself to stick to a schedule but I try to set goals for each day. My standards were so high that I was being paralyzed and doing nothing at all. Now my expectation are much lower, but I am actually doing work. Right now my goals are to declutter one room each day.
Flylady didn't work for me-- I just had to work out my own system. I don't even know what "polish the sink" means.
|12-29-2007 06:03 AM|
I do FlyLady to keep the house in order. It's really important to me to get in the habit of keeping everything tidy while it's still just the two of us. I do have a lot of "spare" time but I keep busy and I am never bored! When I was working there were always a million things I wanted to do but didn't have the time and/or energy for, and now I'm doing them.
We are in a small condo, and I definitely prefer small places. It's so cosy here! It's also less to clean, and it's easier to spot clutter. We'll likely move when we're looking at more than three of us, but for now it's perfect.
|12-29-2007 03:35 AM|
I've come to appreciate how much the layout of a house affects the livability of a house. It really makes a huge difference. A small, well-designed house will seem to have more space while a badly designed big house will seem cramped.
|12-28-2007 10:03 PM|
If we even buid again -- NOT -- we built this places .... we will go for LESS of an open floor plan. we designed it with the idea of a house full of kids and lots of open space and mom can see / hear all over the house ---- welllllllllllllll it works tooooooooo well it is too loud and there is no where to escape, even in the bedrooms we can hear ..... we got what we wanted
however we need teh space, even with two, more to come, cuz i get over stimulated and over welmed in crowded spaces and confinded areas.
|12-28-2007 07:54 PM|
|Azuralea||Yes, number of kids definitely makes a difference. We have one. Even though we have his friends over all the time (I prefer to have them over here than him go over to their houses), the small size of our house doesn't seem to matter to them. I think with one there is only so much chaos you can get.|
|12-28-2007 07:50 PM|
|phathui5||A big house works better for us, but we have four kids who always have friends over.|
|12-28-2007 06:53 PM|
That's my list for now. I'd love to read other people's responses.
|12-28-2007 04:58 PM|
Right now I am not doing a very good job of keeping the house. We have a very high-needs baby.
I find that I feel very depressed when I am not accomplishing any housework. Even though I know LOGICALLY that the baby is the priority, that doesn't translate to emotionally.
This is a temporary situation I have to pass through. I look forward to the future when he will entertain himself a bit more. Right now those periods of time are so short that I am only just managing to do survival necessities.
I do not have a lazy bone in my body. If I could, I would be doing housework right now. But, the baby is sleeping on me and I need to sit still here so he gets the rest he needs. If he would let me do things while wearing him, I would.
|12-28-2007 04:28 PM|
Any other advice?
How about "making the house a home"? What comes to mind?
|12-15-2007 10:46 PM|
I do all these, especially number two. Breaking my day up into those four sections keeps me sane and on top of things.
I know each morning we do breakfast, some "learning" time, and a cleanup of the house together (well, me cleaning while they play nearby). It doesn't matter what order or time, but I know that every morning before 11 these will be done. If I'm getting close to that time, I think, oh, still have to do this, better get on it. It helps me to have that deadline, and by having all the "musts" out of the way in the morning, it leaves me feeling less harried in the afternoon.
Then after lunch while they nap, I allow myself an hour of uninterrupted me time. I put my feet up, have a snack, and most of the time zone out on here. After that I get up and finish up any cleaning or things that need to be done while the kids aren't underfoot.
When they wake up, another phase begins, and we get some more playtime, maybe go outside for awhile. This phase is more about the kids and less about the cleaning and such. I also try to do most of my errands in this time, because the kids are in better moods after their naps.
When daddy gets home, I start dinner, get it cleared away, then spend some time with the kiddos before bed. After bed Evan and I go our seperate ways for a while (he to work out, me to zone on here for awhile longer), and then meet up for some time together. We're in bed by 9 almost every night.
The other big thing that helps me housewise is to pick a day for each "big" chore, and then do it weekly. Like Mondays and Thursdays I vacuum, Tuesdays are dusting, etc. It's like a big cycle, and if the furniture starts to look a little dusty, I can just say to myself, well, it's almost Tuesday! Really helps me to keep perspective.
As far as the kids go, I try to go with the flow. Make sure they get naps instead of running that last errand, take five minutes to cuddle even if I'm in the middle of something, etc.
|12-14-2007 07:18 PM|
I was getting mad at DP too for "not doing much" but then when we sat down and thought about it-He was really doing things. I was just taking out my daily frustrations on him
I consider myself a Homemaker. It is a great job. Even though I think about going to bartend or something like that again, I really just view That as time outside of my job. Something to do outside the house with other adults.
I break my job down and manage my tasks as if I was at a job away from home. I have each time of the day set aside for specific things. I try to manage my day around making sure DD gets the most of my attention. Lately she has been really seeking extra attention from me. So I had to adjust my day to make sure I put other activities aside for when I can do them with out DD getting upset.
Morning before DD wakes up-Time for me to get the dishes done. Check my email, Shower, pick up a few toys that I forgot about and got reminded about after stepping on them
Morning After DD wakes up-We start by making sure she gets her morning milkies. She gets to choose her cereal or what she wants to eat for breakfast.
We then have playtime. She gets to watch one show during her breakfast. This keeps her in a central location rather than having her run around and never eat. After she eats we play together. Tea party, blocks, puzzles etc...Normal everyday stuff.
Then comes lunch. Usually leftovers from dinner.
This is another time I set aside for DD to watch a video or show. She seems to sit and eat better if one of her shows are on.
I usually have a bit of time between when I finish eating and DD finishes eating. I have this time set aside for any minor cleaning up that needs to be done or organizing of the weeks bills. Takes me about 15 minutes.
We use the afternoon for more quiet activites. Reading, Coloring, singing to eachother. This helps get DD ready for Naptime. Some days this isnt the case, but we try to keep a steady routine for my sanity.
Naptime is my time to prep for dinner. I do anything that requires two hands that I cant do while DD is awake. I usually will make dinner ahead of time then just warm it up when DP calls and says he is on his way home. This completely eliminates the crabby "uppie, uppie uppie MOOOOM" time.
I then use the rest of my naptime for myself. Yoga at least 3x a week, checking email, organizing the mail and new incoming bills:, watching videos online.
After natptime we use this time for a good long milkies session. This is just the time where its me and her(I babysit till 4pmish) and we try to use this time to really spend together.
Then daddy gets home and after he gets his 15min and eats his dinner they get their special time-Thats pretty much a good example of a typical way I manage my day.
I really try to fill up my day as much as I can. I usually have 1 major project each week. This week I organized my desk for more space. Next week its moving all my kitchen appliances for a deep cleaning. If I try to put to much into my day it tends to strain my relationships with others. I manage my day based on what I know I can get done in one day. That way I dont feel to overwhelmed.
|12-14-2007 12:28 PM|
I feely admit I am a work in progress and need to READ this thread as much, or really a lot more, than post
A few things i do / am working on doing
1. have a mangement system for the house just liek any of the offices i managed. Binders, files, to do list, .... all where i can find it, and find stuff in it. -- I posted about this sytem in another current thead, but I can re-post it, give you the link or PM it to you ...
2. I try to keep to somewhat a daily rotine with things i need to do fit in our day is baically 4 time segements
after Daddy gets home
We have things we do each day durning each segemnts (be it breakfast, lunch, snack, shower, whatever). then other things i need to do for that day I alot to a differnt segement. For the most part i can stay on top of things if i do ONE "to do" thing per segment per day (put away laundry, make phone calls to set appt).....
Rotinues in small or large are importnat, we sort laundy on Monday, change sheets on Tuesday, i deep clean on Sat while DH plays with DS1
3. and JUST DO IT I know it sound stupid, but if i think about it too much, to whatever it never happnes, i loooooove home manangement / home maker websites, but then i don't DO anything . Like my binder system for home mamangement -- i have jumped in; they are not all done, and not all filled in, but i am working on them......rather than jsut planning them, so what if i have to make changes later, at least i got started adn even if i change something , parts won't have to be cahnged -- yk?
4. I fit in stuff as i can. this mornign i talked to my siter on the phone for an hour. I cleaned the whole kitcehn and Theo played at helping, and ate food at the counter on his learning town wheil Chrles was still in bed..... I feel really good about how much i got done.
5. I write it down. if i have too much swmming in my head i can't function. I have many lists -- shiopping at the store, shopping at sams, shooping at special stores, projects i want to do and what i need to buy / find and to do for each project .... once it is down on paper i feel better -- then you just work you lists without constant fear of forgetting stuff cuz you are trying to keep it in your head.
6. Stay on top of it -- 10 minutes before bed so i come downstairs to a clean kitchen is worth it no matter how tired you are. if you can do it NOW not later -- not always possible (I want to clean the toilet in my bathroom, but i can NOT do it now with a monkey see monkey do 2 year old following me around .. it will get done at nap) .....
7. ASk for help -- and be specific -- DH now unloads the diswasher before he goes to work in the monring. really it is his only daily chore, takes him 5 to 7 minutes but really gets my day started well -- not to have to unlaod it while getting breakfast so i can start loading it .... I found i was getting very angery at DH for "not helping" cuz i was not getting the help i specifically needed -- now i think DH does LESS but it helps me more and i appercipate it and notice it MORE.
|12-14-2007 02:51 AM|
Being a SAHM and being a housekeeper/homemaker are 2 different things to me. Of course, my DH isn't employed and gets up earlier than me, he also doesn't have to nurse, etc. So he takes on much of the housework, while I do most of the baby care. But I'm in school as well and I handle the finances, etc. So in the end it all balances out--or at least we think so.
Also, I don't like the structure that some of you prefer--with set housework/work/kid hours, etc. I'm a hardcore unschooler in my own life and I just take what comes. I'm enjoying this thread ladies! You're all so different than I am... It's fun.
|12-13-2007 06:07 PM|
I want happy, kind, curious homeschooled children. I want our family eating healthy meals together. I want a house that's clean and comfortable.
What do you do to be a good homemaker?[/QUOTE]
Always remember that your home, the store, church, anywhere you go is training ground. You are teaching your children all the time. Teaching them how to shop, organize, control themselves, etc. Whenever I get frustrated that the house isn't just "so" or the kids are acting.....
I have to say to myself, " back to training". Of course taking a deep breath.
I suggest (which I am working on) to get up before them just so you have a chance to get dressed.
While making one meal think ahead for the next meal and defrost whatever. The NT forum is good.
I agree with another poster. try to stay on top of tidying up. Or it will get crazy.
I have a box in the garage and anytime something is useless (to me) or just not working out. I put it in the box. When it is full I can the Vietnam Vets to pick up for donation.
You will do just fine, because you want the best for your family.
|12-13-2007 04:58 PM|
Then back to not being lazy...
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