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  Topic Review (Newest First)
09-21-2012 11:55 AM
APToddlerMama [quot

e name="Hippie Mama in MI" url="/community/t/1362474/he-showed-me-his-penis/20#post_17116242"]Disgusting. If it was my child I'd take it up with the little pervert's parents, the principal, the teacher and her supervisor if any (where was SHE when this happened?) and the parents of the other kids in the class. Make it public. Be loud. Get attention drawn to the pervert. Mention the words ABUSE, DISTURBED and POLICE. Do not leave any possibility that there can be a next time. Your child could be molested or raped. If it was my kid I'd get her right out of the entire school.

 
[/quote]

Wow. Settle down. Let's not forget this is a child. While it is completely unacceptable and absolutely needs to be addressed, he is still a *child.*
09-20-2012 10:50 PM
AnnaBees Mama
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hippie Mama in MI View Post

Disgusting. If it was my child I'd take it up with the little pervert's parents, the principal, the teacher and her supervisor if any (where was SHE when this happened?) and the parents of the other kids in the class. Make it public. Be loud. Get attention drawn to the pervert. Mention the words ABUSE, DISTURBED and POLICE. Do not leave any possibility that there can be a next time. Your child could be molested or raped. If it was my kid I'd get her right out of the entire school.

 

Let me take a moment to gasp and allow my eyes fall out of my head.

This "pervert" is not even 8. This is inappropriate but NORMAL behavior for this age group. Most kids have played the show-me-yours-and-I'll-show-you-mine game. Most kids are not perverts.

Seriously.

Considering I was a curious kid at that age, was put through counseling and excruciating and embarrassing exams to figure out what was "wrong" with me (conclusion: precocity!)... my heart throbs for this poor kid who sounds like he needs some guidance and extra supervision, not the label of SEX OFFENDER.

Please get a grip and keep in mind there's another child at the end of this, not a monster. greensad.gif
09-20-2012 10:22 PM
rubidoux
Quote:
Originally Posted by fairejour View Post

I told the school. 

 

Should I follow up? I explained to my DD that it is unacceptable. I am concerned that she didn't tell the teacher. She has had some experiences at school that have led her to believe that telling doesn't help. She feels like they believe other people over her, or that she will get in trouble for "tattling". That is a whole different issue....

 

Do you know what actions the school took?

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by APToddlerMama View Post

I realize this thread has died out, but I have to say OP that I'm happy you told the school. That sort of behavior can be normal up to a point, but at a certain point even if it is just a prank, it needs to be very seriously addressed. Also, at 8 or 9, it's getting to the stage where it also becomes a red flag for having been sexually abused. So, for this boy's well being as well as your dd, its good you told the school. It really is not something to take lightly for so many reasons.

 

I agree that it is quite possible that telling the school will help the boy out, either because there are deeper issues like molestation or just because he does need to learn healthy boundaries and that that kind of behavior could be traumatic for the other people involved.  I hope they handle it well, and while I fear that they're nut cases, they probably aren't...  I'm overly cautious about that kind of thing.  

09-20-2012 08:53 PM
rubidoux
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hippie Mama in MI View Post

Disgusting. If it was my child I'd take it up with the little pervert's parents, the principal, the teacher and her supervisor if any (where was SHE when this happened?) and the parents of the other kids in the class. Make it public. Be loud. Get attention drawn to the pervert. Mention the words ABUSE, DISTURBED and POLICE. Do not leave any possibility that there can be a next time. Your child could be molested or raped. If it was my kid I'd get her right out of the entire school.
 

 

Omgosh.  This is so over the top and very scary to me.  I don't know if this was maybe tongue in cheek (I hope!), but I do think there are people out there who think this way.  It makes me very scared for my boys and boys in general.  I feel really sad for any boys that cross your path, mama.  :(  It sounds to me like you would really like to permanently and seriously ruin this child's life.  

09-20-2012 08:40 PM
NiteNicole

Yes, if you'd read the whole thread, you'd see we cleared that up.
 

09-20-2012 05:08 PM
mtiger
Quote:
Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post

I am far less worried about the intent of the boy than of the perception by the girl.  What he intended has nothing to do with how she experienced it.  Having one boy expose himself to her while another held his hand over her mouth and she screamed probably felt pretty cruddy.
 

 

The other boy tried to cover her EYES, not her mouth! Let's not make it more dramatic than it was. As described, it doesn't sound as though it was all that traumatic for OP's daughter.

09-20-2012 04:42 PM
Hippie Mama in MI

Disgusting. If it was my child I'd take it up with the little pervert's parents, the principal, the teacher and her supervisor if any (where was SHE when this happened?) and the parents of the other kids in the class. Make it public. Be loud. Get attention drawn to the pervert. Mention the words ABUSE, DISTURBED and POLICE. Do not leave any possibility that there can be a next time. Your child could be molested or raped. If it was my kid I'd get her right out of the entire school.
 

09-11-2012 09:22 PM
tinyblackdot
Quote:
Originally Posted by fairejour View Post

 

She has had some experiences at school that have led her to believe that telling doesn't help. She feels like they believe other people over her, or that she will get in trouble for "tattling". That is a whole different issue....

 

 

That breaks my heart :(

09-11-2012 04:40 PM
pattimomma
Quote:
Originally Posted by fairejour View Post

I told the school. 

 

Should I follow up? I explained to my DD that it is unacceptable. I am concerned that she didn't tell the teacher. She has had some experiences at school that have led her to believe that telling doesn't help. She feels like they believe other people over her, or that she will get in trouble for "tattling". That is a whole different issue....


My son has experienced the same tattling issues as your DD. It eventually turned into him becoming the class scapegoat.

 

As far as the penis exposure- telling the school was the right thing to do. When my son was nine, a boy on his swim team showed my DS his penis in front of some other boys. DS reacted by punching the boy in the face. My DS was very offended by the penis boy. Both the other boy and my DS got in trouble.

09-11-2012 04:19 PM
APToddlerMama I realize this thread has died out, but I have to say OP that I'm happy you told the school. That sort of behavior can be normal up to a point, but at a certain point even if it is just a prank, it needs to be very seriously addressed. Also, at 8 or 9, it's getting to the stage where it also becomes a red flag for having been sexually abused. So, for this boy's well being as well as your dd, its good you told the school. It really is not something to take lightly for so many reasons.
09-06-2012 08:33 PM
meemee
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post

 

Honestly, that would bother me a lot more than the penis showing part. I know this is a special school because of her hearing issues, but is it the best place for her to be? Can you work with her on telling you and then you go to the teachers? Because it doesn't sound like a safe place for her to be if she's not going to be believed.

i totally agree with this.  if she has a problem telling the teacher then at least she should tell you. however i know kids have a hard time seperating school with home except if its really big. 

09-06-2012 07:14 PM
LynnS6
Quote:
Originally Posted by fairejour View Post

I told the school. 

 

Should I follow up? I explained to my DD that it is unacceptable. I am concerned that she didn't tell the teacher. She has had some experiences at school that have led her to believe that telling doesn't help. She feels like they believe other people over her, or that she will get in trouble for "tattling". That is a whole different issue....

 

Honestly, that would bother me a lot more than the penis showing part. I know this is a special school because of her hearing issues, but is it the best place for her to be? Can you work with her on telling you and then you go to the teachers? Because it doesn't sound like a safe place for her to be if she's not going to be believed.

09-06-2012 06:04 PM
fairejour

I told the school. 

 

Should I follow up? I explained to my DD that it is unacceptable. I am concerned that she didn't tell the teacher. She has had some experiences at school that have led her to believe that telling doesn't help. She feels like they believe other people over her, or that she will get in trouble for "tattling". That is a whole different issue....

09-06-2012 05:30 PM
NiteNicole
Quote:
Originally Posted by rubidoux View Post

 

The way you put it here does sound awful and I think if that's how it happened, I'd be more inclined to tell the school.  But when I read it, I understood as meaning that the second boy was trying to protect her from the flasher-boy.  She said he put his hands over her eyes, not over her mouth.  Also, the way OP said it, it sounded like the two boys weren't in cahoots.  If they were acting together (ie, "hey johnny, you go cover her mouth so she can't scream and I'm gonna take out my penis!"), that would feel different to me, more aggressive and thought out, I guess.

 

It really sucks that this boys parents aren't more with it.  If you trusted them to handle it well, or even to handle it, that would save you having to tell anyone official.  

 

I wonder about maybe telling someone at the school that a boy exposed himself, but not who it was.  They should be watching the kids a little better.  


I reread and you're right, it was her eyes.  Still may have felt scary or at the very least...weird.  Now they all have a secret to keep from the teacher.  That, to my daughter, would be excruciating. 

 

Exposing himself may well be within the broad realm of normal, the important thing is that he needs to learn it's not acceptable.  Lots of acting-up issues are normal, but kids still have to learn not to do them because they are not acceptable (most kids will hit or bite sooner or later, but we have to teach them not to, for example). 

 

I am still VERY MUCH in favor of telling the school.  I would want my daughter to have the idea that she has boundaries and a right to expect other people to respect them, especially at school.

09-06-2012 05:27 PM
MamaPrincess

In our school that woudl be treated flat out as sexual harasment and the boy might face expultion.

09-06-2012 04:34 PM
rubidoux
Quote:
Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post

I am far less worried about the intent of the boy than of the perception by the girl.  What he intended has nothing to do with how she experienced it.  Having one boy expose himself to her while another held his hand over her mouth and she screamed probably felt pretty cruddy.
 

 

The way you put it here does sound awful and I think if that's how it happened, I'd be more inclined to tell the school.  But when I read it, I understood as meaning that the second boy was trying to protect her from the flasher-boy.  She said he put his hands over her eyes, not over her mouth.  Also, the way OP said it, it sounded like the two boys weren't in cahoots.  If they were acting together (ie, "hey johnny, you go cover her mouth so she can't scream and I'm gonna take out my penis!"), that would feel different to me, more aggressive and thought out, I guess.

 

It really sucks that this boys parents aren't more with it.  If you trusted them to handle it well, or even to handle it, that would save you having to tell anyone official.  

 

I wonder about maybe telling someone at the school that a boy exposed himself, but not who it was.  They should be watching the kids a little better.  

09-06-2012 03:36 PM
NiteNicole

I am far less worried about the intent of the boy than of the perception by the girl.  What he intended has nothing to do with how she experienced it.  Having one boy expose himself to her while another held his hand over her mouth and she screamed probably felt pretty cruddy.
 

09-06-2012 01:21 PM
mamazee That's a very good point too, rubidoux.
09-06-2012 10:09 AM
rubidoux

I am not sure I'm part of the consensus.  If I trusted that the school would handle things in an appropriate manner, I'd definitely tell them.  Or if I was even in the tiniest way concerned that my daughter was in any sort of jeopardy or if she felt uneasy about it, even in the slightest, I'd tell the school.  But I feel like our current cultural climate is so over the top about this stuff.  I wouldn't be surprised to have him labeled a sex offender or something, yk?  Or to be kicked out or for this to turn out pretty bad for him otherwise.

 

I have an almost nine year old and I cannot imagine him doing something like that.  He's fairly controlled and would not want to be exposed that way.  But I could see some of his friends doing something along those lines a couple of years ago.  If this boy is 8 years old and little young developmentally, I can't see getting all up in arms about it (as long as there is nothing threatening towards your dd).  

09-06-2012 04:06 AM
mamazee I am saying that sexual feelings are immature and likely to be more about curiosity than mature sex. But I do agree that the school needs to know. I think we have consensus there.
09-05-2012 07:41 PM
tinyblackdot

Also for the record, I'm not saying that this kiddo was being deviant or perverted BUT on the slight chance that he was a teacher needs to be made aware of the situation and the act so that they can take precautions, like leaving them alone, or if they have noticed something that they can follow up with it and make sure that this little boy is not being taught this behavior by an adult and actually a victim.

09-05-2012 07:21 PM
tinyblackdot
Quote:
Originally Posted by fairejour View Post

 

(Not our case, but for curiosities sake)

Wait, so even if he is 10, but has the cognitive and social skills of, say a 4 year old, that isn't taken into account, just his chronological age? it isn't considered developmental?

 

 

  There are biological drives and hormones, Just because a child is cognitivley a 4 year old does not mean that his biological drive isnt that of a pubescent male. That would be like saying that mentally delayed teens never hav sex? I can tell you that they do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post


I disagree with this because some boys have hit puberty at 12, but I can't imagine many have at 8. IMO if it's prepubescent it's just curiousity, if it is postpubescent, it's probably interest.

  Are you saying that a human has no sexual feelings or pleasure until they reach puberty?

09-05-2012 05:11 PM
~cassie

My oldest is 7 and though he has never done a "show and tell"(that I know of!) it isn't out of the realm of normal for that age.  I would talk to the teacher and mention it so she can see if has happened more often with this particular child and can keep a closer eye to make sure it doesn't happen again.

09-05-2012 04:47 PM
fairejour
Quote:
Originally Posted by tinyblackdot View Post

I agree with the pp, 8 or 9 is WAY too old to be acting like this. Keep in mind that kids loose their virginity at sometimes 12.......totally not appropriate. Delayed or not.

 

(Not our case, but for curiosities sake)

Wait, so even if he is 10, but has the cognitive and social skills of, say a 4 year old, that isn't taken into account, just his chronological age? it isn't considered developmental?

09-05-2012 02:59 PM
mamazee
Quote:
Originally Posted by tinyblackdot View Post

I agree with the pp, 8 or 9 is WAY too old to be acting like this. Keep in mind that kids loose their virginity at sometimes 12.......totally not appropriate. Delayed or not.

I disagree with this because some boys have hit puberty at 12, but I can't imagine many have at 8. IMO if it's prepubescent it's just curiousity, if it is postpubescent, it's probably interest.
09-05-2012 02:54 PM
tinyblackdot

I agree with the pp, 8 or 9 is WAY too old to be acting like this. Keep in mind that kids loose their virginity at sometimes 12.......totally not appropriate. Delayed or not.

09-05-2012 02:36 PM
meemee

fairejour i am a little torn on this. i just keep thinking i wish all parents revealed to their kids so they wouldnt do this.

 

i guess the right thing to do was let the school know. but then this boy is already in a hard place. this will put him further in the dog house. and its an innocent thing.

 

and what he did was a pretty common thing. it doesnt happen that often, but it does. an almost 8 year old (or maybe he was a new 8) - NOT special needs, pulled down his pants and showed his penis and mooned his whole class of 33 students (or maybe 25 students). of course he got into a lot of trouble but wasnt kicked out.

 

its not a big deal for the kids. esp. your dd. i would report it if it happened again, but perhaps for now i'd keep quiet.

 

if he is functioning at a 6 - 7 year old level then that is NORMAL - instead of the playground he chose the classroom.

09-05-2012 09:11 AM
fairejour
Quote:
Originally Posted by kchara View Post

I think 9 is a bit old for playing, "Show me yours and I'll show you mine."  I would report it.  A 9 yo knows that's unacceptable. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post

Why are three kids left alone without supervision long enough for that to happen?  And it must happen pretty regularly if this boy felt confident he could do that without getting caught.

 

Do not hesitate, call the school.  I am NOT sure "no harm was meant" and how can you possibly know that?  It sounds pretty aggressive to me.  I put up with SO MUCH CRAP in school because "boys will be boys" and I am not having ANY of it with my daughter.  She goes to school to learn, not to be sexually harassed. 

 

The boy is younger, I think he is just turning 8. Both kids are deaf, and just immature for their ages. He is extremely impulsive and had had behavior issues in that regard, but nothing ever malicious. 

 

There relationship is very hot and cold. Whenever I see them together, they are excited to see each other. Even today, DD wore a "special outfit" to show him, and she said "If (he) is not at school today, I want to wear it tomorrow." And when she cries because he hurts her feelings it is things like "(He) said that I wasn't sick when I was a baby!"....yeah, so???? She is very sensitive about friendship and is a very good friend, so when he isn't, she s hurt.

09-05-2012 09:03 AM
NiteNicole

Why are three kids left alone without supervision long enough for that to happen?  And it must happen pretty regularly if this boy felt confident he could do that without getting caught.

 

Do not hesitate, call the school.  I am NOT sure "no harm was meant" and how can you possibly know that?  It sounds pretty aggressive to me.  I put up with SO MUCH CRAP in school because "boys will be boys" and I am not having ANY of it with my daughter.  She goes to school to learn, not to be sexually harassed. 

09-05-2012 09:02 AM
kchara

I think 9 is a bit old for playing, "Show me yours and I'll show you mine."  I would report it.  A 9 yo knows that's unacceptable. 

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