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Thread: What did you learn about birth that you wish someone had told you? Reply to Thread
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  Topic Review (Newest First)
08-15-2013 07:06 PM
ananas
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyclamen View Post

someone has mentioned colace already, right?  if you are afraid of postpartum pooping or if you are getting stopped up, TAKE THE COLACE, lol, and drink lots of water, your butt will thank you. 

Colace was my best friend.

08-14-2013 07:23 PM
monkeyscience

Thought of another thing today - you can have back labor even if your baby isn't posterior. I heard a ton about back labor with posterior babies, but didn't worry too much because my baby was well-positioned. Only after he was born (100% back labor!) did my mom tell me that she had back labor with ALL FIVE BABIES. Not all of which were posterior. orngtongue.gif

08-14-2013 01:17 PM
IdentityCrisisMama

Sorry if this has already been repeated but some women prefer warm compresses over ice. I didn't find that out until my second birth - so much better for me! 

08-13-2013 10:44 PM
cyclamen

someone has mentioned colace already, right?  if you are afraid of postpartum pooping or if you are getting stopped up, TAKE THE COLACE, lol, and drink lots of water, your butt will thank you. 

08-13-2013 02:43 PM
rainbownurse

not about birth, but: that sometimes babies go on "poop strikes", and it's okay! Some babies don't pee or poo lots of small amounts, they do one or two BIG dumps/pees, every baby is different, get used to your baby's schedule, and someone will always tell you what you're doing is wrong. 

08-13-2013 11:33 AM
treeonastring

I know this is about birth, but bfing is directly connected.  1. It is normal that you pump nothing after birth!  Colostrum is enough for your baby, there's nothing wrong with you or your breasts, and your baby won't perish.  2.  YOU MAKE ENOUGH MILK. 3. If your baby's diaper output isn't up to par, feed your baby more often!   4.  Babies need to eat 10+ times a day after birth.  You will feel that your child is attached to your breast for weeks.  5.  Your baby has early hunger cues, and they are... 6. Formula will not solve your problems, but will only make them worse.  Feed your baby more often.

08-11-2013 09:03 PM
unuselyriver

how much i bleed after my dd was born 12 weeks was away more then i thought you should but the ob said some women can bleed up to 16 weeks after baby is born

08-11-2013 08:27 PM
ananas
Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeyscience View Post

 

I felt like a terrible person for not talking, singing, reading, etc., to my unborn baby. Generally all I ever said to him was, "Please quit kicking mama!" But I just never really felt the urge to talk to him.

 

I also had the hardest time calling my baby by his name, and I'm glad I'm not the only one! I don't think it was really about seeing him as a separate person, it just seemed weird that I had the power to assign a name to another human being! We picked his name out long before he was even conceived, but I thought I would "know" when I saw him that it was the right name. And I didn't. I called him lots of things, mostly "Baby Bird" (because that's what he looked like when hungry!) for a good 2-3 months before slowly transitioning to referring to him by name. I think it was kind of like getting used to saying, "my husband" after I got married - it just seemed so strange and bold to make that sort of assertion. Anyway, I do call him by his name (or a shortened form of it) most of the time now. I'm glad I'm not the only one!

I also had a hard time communicating with my baby before she was born...it always felt really forced and awkward when I tried to talk or sing to her, except for a few occasions.

 

Calling her by name was strange at first also.

08-11-2013 08:05 PM
monkeyscience
Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyKay View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by typebug View Post

As a first time mom I felt like I was really disconnected from my unborn baby all the time. I really didn't have the capacity to fathom what was really in there. I felt guilty about not feeling that connection my yoga instructors would go on and on about. Maybe it'll be there next time around after having been through the whole experience. It would have been cool if someone had said "if you don't feel all magical and blissed out, that's normal." 

 

I really wish someone would gather all the normal reactions women have to their babies after and document them for all moms-to-be. I have two friends who felt like this and now I make a point of telling first time pregnant moms that it could happen and it is absolutely normal.

 

I had a different weird reaction. It took me a while to see my daughter as a separate human. For the first few weeks I felt weird referring to her by her name and kept calling her "baby girl" until my best-friend asked me "why are you not using her name".

 

I felt like a terrible person for not talking, singing, reading, etc., to my unborn baby. Generally all I ever said to him was, "Please quit kicking mama!" But I just never really felt the urge to talk to him.

 

I also had the hardest time calling my baby by his name, and I'm glad I'm not the only one! I don't think it was really about seeing him as a separate person, it just seemed weird that I had the power to assign a name to another human being! We picked his name out long before he was even conceived, but I thought I would "know" when I saw him that it was the right name. And I didn't. I called him lots of things, mostly "Baby Bird" (because that's what he looked like when hungry!) for a good 2-3 months before slowly transitioning to referring to him by name. I think it was kind of like getting used to saying, "my husband" after I got married - it just seemed so strange and bold to make that sort of assertion. Anyway, I do call him by his name (or a shortened form of it) most of the time now. I'm glad I'm not the only one!

08-11-2013 04:28 PM
cyclamen
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaydove View Post

How difficult pushing can be. I hear so much in the natural birth world that pushing is a relief. I never felt the urge to push. Also, pee during labor, because you're extremely full bladder can get in the way of pushing. I also didn't have the urge to pee. 

 

If it makes you feel any better, my first labor was completely like this - never got the urge to push, pushed for hours and hours, and it was hell.  I figured all my births would be like this and that I was just really wimpy.  Second labor, uncontrollable pushing urge, baby out in half an hour, and I wouldn't say it was exactly a relief but pushing felt better than not pushing.  Both my babies were posterior but my first had a nuchal hand, which really contributed to the "it was hell" feeling.  Basically... if it feels really hard, it's because it is hard.

08-11-2013 03:52 PM
Kaydove

How difficult pushing can be. I hear so much in the natural birth world that pushing is a relief. I never felt the urge to push. Also, pee during labor, because you're extremely full bladder can get in the way of pushing. I also didn't have the urge to pee. 

08-11-2013 03:25 PM
janet mahaffey
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovebeingamomma View Post


I've never heard of this...are their studies showing this to be true?  Which medications?  I'm very anti-drug (in general), so I'm not shocked, but would love to see some studies. 

This bit of information is not about medication, however, it does have an interesting discussion as to how fluids (IV), during labor, influence a skewed weight loss in the newborn resulting in supplementation.   http://www.drjen4kids.com/soap%20box/newbornweight.htm

 

This is a great read by Dr. Sarah J. Buckley.  It is my conclusion, when any type of substance is entering mom's blood vein, the substance dilutes the healthy function of hormones including, but not limited to prolactin.  Prolactin makes breast milk.  http://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth/ecstatic-birth-natures-hormonal-blueprint-for-labor#.UggM65LrzAY

08-11-2013 12:30 PM
lovebeingamomma
Quote:
Originally Posted by Janet Mahaffey View Post

Well this thought can't go without saying...

 

I wish we all knew how medications, used in labor and birth, influenced our milk supplies. 


I've never heard of this...are their studies showing this to be true?  Which medications?  I'm very anti-drug (in general), so I'm not shocked, but would love to see some studies. 

08-11-2013 11:37 AM
janet mahaffey

Well this thought can't go without saying...

 

I wish we all knew how medications, used in labor and birth, influenced our milk supplies. 

08-11-2013 06:42 AM
InspiredCT

Serafina, my SIL and I were discussing this just yesterday - I agree, it has become all too common to hear "I wasn't producing enough milk". There is very little education about how the supply/demand relationship of breastfeeding works, and even less information about the difficulties that can arise in the early days and how to handle those. 

 

New mamas-to-be spend hours and hours researching what to expect during labour, but as some previous posts have mentioned, we neglect to research what comes after and the most important - how to breastfeed. In today's life many of us live far away from our families and we don't benefit from the family community where little girls get to see older women breastfeeding. When you have never experienced this and you have no idea what to expect it can be so difficult! If more mamas believed that naturally they should be able to breastfeed maybe they would seek out support which isn't readily given? It's not always easy, and it's sometimes not fun but it does get better! 

08-10-2013 08:06 PM
cynthiamoon I wish I had known that people's best advice would be the hardest to take. I think it gets repeated because everyone wishes they had done it, but it's hard, and they hope the next person can get it right-- somehow make it easier, but we too struggle the same ways.

For example, refrains like "sleep through early labor," "take care of yourself first," "sleep when the baby sleeps," and so on smile.gif

We're working on it, but it's easier to say than do...
08-10-2013 02:41 PM
cyclamen
Quote:
Originally Posted by ananas View Post

I didn't realize how painful AFTER the birth would be...nurses checking your uterus, being stitched, etc...

 

I also had heard that newborns did nothing but eat but I didn't take it literally enough. I was used to seeing babies who ate every 2 hours or so and mine was not like that. If she was awake, she was nursing.

 

Oh gosh yes, it was such a rude awakening the first time.  I was all, "I just pushed out a baby!  Aren't we done yet!!!"

08-10-2013 02:38 PM
demeter888
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovebeingamomma View Post


I was never checked, you can always opt out.

It depends on the hospital; the policy of mine was that you must be checked when admitted.

08-10-2013 11:39 AM
lovebeingamomma
Quote:
Originally Posted by demeter888 View Post

 

I had a midwife in my hospital delivery and was not checked early on more than twice.  I arrived at the hospital 6cm and fully effaced.  This is something you can sometimes opt out of depending on the care provider.  The exception is when you are initially accepted through triage; they have to check you then.


I was never checked, you can always opt out.

08-09-2013 10:40 PM
ananas

I didn't realize how painful AFTER the birth would be...nurses checking your uterus, being stitched, etc...

 

I also had heard that newborns did nothing but eat but I didn't take it literally enough. I was used to seeing babies who ate every 2 hours or so and mine was not like that. If she was awake, she was nursing.

08-09-2013 10:19 PM
demeter888
Quote:
Originally Posted by effulgent7 View Post

I'm a bit late to this, but what surprised me the most was that (with a hospital birth) people are constantly reaching inside you to "check" whatever, and rooting around, and it HURTS!  Of course, I was induced twice so that's a little more "hands-on" (haha) but still…yikes.  That's the first thing I tell my pregnant friends- expect lots of feels.

 

I had a midwife in my hospital delivery and was not checked early on more than twice.  I arrived at the hospital 6cm and fully effaced.  This is something you can sometimes opt out of depending on the care provider.  The exception is when you are initially accepted through triage; they have to check you then.

08-09-2013 06:22 PM
effulgent7

I'm a bit late to this, but what surprised me the most was that (with a hospital birth) people are constantly reaching inside you to "check" whatever, and rooting around, and it HURTS!  Of course, I was induced twice so that's a little more "hands-on" (haha) but still…yikes.  That's the first thing I tell my pregnant friends- expect lots of feels.

08-09-2013 10:37 AM
scottishmommy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serafina33 View Post

The problem with this wish is that formula companies and all their money were so successful for decades in reducing women's (and more importantly, society's support for women's) confidence in the fact that most women can indeed provide enough milk for their child with enough knowledge and support.  Not 100%, but certainly the vast majority.  All sorts of practices became mainstream in the twentieth century that sabotage the likelihood that breastfeeding will be successful, and the formula companies got rich from mother's who believed that they "didn't produce enough milk" and "had to supplement", when really it was "modern" practices/elements in the environment which failed the mother and baby pair, and led to premature weaning.  

Nowadays, amongst the mothers I've talked to about breastfeeding, since becoming a mother myself more than a decade ago, I'd say a crazy high percentage of them talk about 'not having had enough milk'  and needing to supplement and wean early as if it's a totally everyday thing, like diaper rash.  In my experience, it's about half of the moms I've ever talked to.  That's so sad, because that means that most of those were simply failed by society who did not provide enough support and assistance in order to make a success of breastfeeding.   

Based on my anecdotal perceptions, the breastfeeding community still has a lot of work to do to undo the effects of a crazy successful cultural shift towards formula via an overt campaign and subtler practices introduced in the 20th century that were consciously waged to undermine breastfeeding by the big formula companies.

Even ardent lactivists (such as myself) admit that not quite 100% of mothers will be able to produce enough milk (and of course will need to supplement).  But, as important as it is not to hurt the feelings of the small percentage of moms who really will need to supplement (and I don't see why their feelings need to be hurt, no one in the breastfeeding community says that 100% of woman will be able to EBF for 6 months and that there should be any shame in those few seeking out supplementation) ,  it's most important not to perpetuate misinformation about how likely that is to happen to any given woman, by implying in any way shape or form that it is at all a common occurance, or anything other than the exception to the norm.  That will result in less babies enjoying the benefits of breastfeeding.  That's more important than the tiny percentage of moms who can't EBF feeling marginalized.

Yeah, I'm not talking about women who give up after a few days. I'm talking about mothers who did everything they could to nurse their babies and their children were losing weight. It happens. But thank you for your post, because your attitude is EXACTLY what I'm talking about:-)
08-09-2013 09:01 AM
cyclamen

Peace ladies, I'm out.  I'm not going to argue over what you said because what you said is clear.  

08-09-2013 08:51 AM
demeter888
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serafina33 View Post

 

I think society does need to target spreading specific breastfeeding-friendly knowledge to new mothers.  I'm glad you got that message bombarded, but I know so many moms who didn't get the support they needed.  I think more support throughout society for all mothers is the answer.  But your idea is interesting. How to target the companies?

 

 

Politicians use the trick of job creation and campaigns for the public interest to fix problems created by their corporate financial supporters to avoid stepping on any toes.  Instead of targeting the culprits-these corporations -we are circumventing and making it a general public mission to target the moms. It's a losing game.  Moms are fine, babies get fed.  

 

I understand now that you don't think the minority of women who can't EBF are not the scum of the earth and whatnot, but making it a moral issue when it's really a financial one is beside the point IMHO.

08-09-2013 08:32 AM
TeamWalker

I could just kiss you for most of that, especially the skin to skin!!

The 2 things I'd like to add are "other peoples' advice is for other people, use what you want but discard what doesn't sit right for you"
"Guilt is what you are meant to feel because it's your job to want to always do better, but you have every right to let yourself know that it's just a superficial feeling and you are doing a great job"

08-09-2013 08:31 AM
Serafina33
Quote:
Originally Posted by demeter888 View Post
 I don't think society in general needs to be targeting ME or moms; it's high time we targeted these companies instead.

 

I think society does need to target spreading specific breastfeeding-friendly knowledge to new mothers.  I'm glad you got that message bombarded, but I know so many moms who didn't get the support they needed.  I think more support throughout society for all mothers is the answer.  But your idea is interesting. How to target the companies?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mama24-7 View Post
 

It is only insensitive if a woman chooses to take it personally.  Serafina33 did not say someone's feelings shouldn't or don't matter.   

Thank you very much Sus, for reading the actual words I posted, without distorting them in any way, and certainly without assuming that because I'm more concerned with the big picture of more babies getting breastfed, that it's a natural leap to make that I could care less about individual's feelings.  

08-09-2013 08:22 AM
Serafina33
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyclamen View Post

Quote:

It is only insensitive if a woman chooses to take it personally.  Serafina33 did not say someone's feelings shouldn't or don't matter.  She said the bigger picture is what needs to be focused on vs. the small minority who are going to choose their feelings no matter what anyone else does.  (When I say small minority, I'm also including those woman who scream at the top of their lungs that everyone around them is trying to make them feel guilty when all that's really happening is information is being shared.  Taking things personally is an epidemic in our society & people seem to scream the loudest about parenting/breastfeeding/etc. stuff.)

 

Sus

 

 

Did you not read what I big bolded?  She did say that.  She said

 

 

Quote:
  That's more important than the tiny percentage of moms who can't EBF feeling marginalized.

 

I'm not sure how that sentence can be interpreted other than some people's feelings don't matter.  I don't take it personally, because it has nothing to do with me.  It's not a nice thing to say though.  How is that in dispute? 

It is in dispute because saying that A is more important than B does not imply that B DOES NOT MATTER.  That is fuzzy logic indeed. and putting words in my mouth, which offends me.

 

I indeed indicated that it IS important not to make women feel bad if they can't breastfeed, when i said, " But, as important as it is not to hurt the feelings of the small percentage ...."

 

I just also made it clear that I feel that babies having the best shot at getting mother's milk is even more important.  It's quite a leap to make (and shows a pretty defensive attitude), to say that although I specifically indicated that all women's feelings on the matter are important, specifically the small minority who can't succeed at breastfeeding, I simply said that babies' needs are even more important.  If someone wants to argue that a grown woman's getting irritated or offended is more important than a newborn baby having the best chance at the best start in life, then go ahead, I'm open to hearing that argument.

08-09-2013 07:53 AM
demeter888
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama24-7 View Post

 

It is only insensitive if a woman chooses to take it personally.  Serafina33 did not say someone's feelings shouldn't or don't matter.  She said the bigger picture is what needs to be focused on vs. the small minority who are going to choose their feelings no matter what anyone else does.  (When I say small minority, I'm also including those woman who scream at the top of their lungs that everyone around them is trying to make them feel guilty when all that's really happening is information is being shared.  Taking things personally is an epidemic in our society & people seem to scream the loudest about parenting/breastfeeding/etc. stuff.)

 

Sus

 

Serafina pretty much did say that she thinks her cause is more important than the feelings of a minority.  The minority she was referring to is the minority who can't EBF.

 

This topic of women taking something personally is kind of beside the point. I take everything personally.  A general lecture about breastfeeding without taking in to account the individual is clearly not helping the women who CAN BF to get the individualized attention they need to do so successfully; it's just lazy civic-minded BS for people who want to think they are doing society a favor.  And it's been used in politics and the media for centuries for one reason: money.

08-09-2013 07:35 AM
cyclamen
Quote:

It is only insensitive if a woman chooses to take it personally.  Serafina33 did not say someone's feelings shouldn't or don't matter.  She said the bigger picture is what needs to be focused on vs. the small minority who are going to choose their feelings no matter what anyone else does.  (When I say small minority, I'm also including those woman who scream at the top of their lungs that everyone around them is trying to make them feel guilty when all that's really happening is information is being shared.  Taking things personally is an epidemic in our society & people seem to scream the loudest about parenting/breastfeeding/etc. stuff.)

 

Sus

 

 

Did you not read what I big bolded?  She did say that.  She said

 

 

Quote:
  That's more important than the tiny percentage of moms who can't EBF feeling marginalized.

 

I'm not sure how that sentence can be interpreted other than some people's feelings don't matter.  I don't take it personally, because it has nothing to do with me.  It's not a nice thing to say though.  How is that in dispute?

 

Anyhow, what's to argue about here?  I can kind of see where Seraphina is coming from, even if I don't agree with her.  But you have clearly stated you don't value the feelings of women who aren't parenting the way that you think is best, and you don't have to care.  I am not going to tell you that you have to care.  Keep preaching it sister.  But I am gonna sit here and think, "Wow, that's rude and kind of insensitive."  

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