|Topic Review (Newest First)|
|08-21-2013 03:25 AM|
Lily and Lucy posted to this thread to ask for some weaning support here. I thought I'd bump this thread up so she can find it easily and maybe get some help from some of the members who posted here.
|04-21-2013 05:51 AM|
How is everyone doing? I want to join in... My ds is only 15 months and I only fully weaned dd in November but I'm a single mother now, with only 3 hours break a week. Ds was barely nursing until this month so I was on the fence but now he's nursing 5-10 times a night and I just can't do it. Dd is very high needs and getting assessed for Mild ASD/ADHD etc.... I need support I need to hear it is ok to want to wean... I haven't enjoyed bf since ds was about 4 mo I told myself if last until 2 but don't know if I can... Anyway starting with just Gordon night weaning so I can hopefully get sleep from 11-6 by a few weeks from now. Then I'm thinking of moving to pumped milk only...
I feel relieved, scared, guilty and sad but I know I have to go this.
|07-31-2011 08:26 AM|
I'm not sure if this thread is still active but I sure hope so. This is my first time posting so hi to everyone and thanks for creating this thread. My DD is 25 mos. She is still breastfeeding at night and cosleeps part of the night. We start her in a toddler bed in our room and when she wakes up she gets into bed with us, nurses and goes back to sleep. I have basically stopped producing milk at this point. There's a bit that comes out but it's a negligible amount. I want to be moving to cutting out nighttime nursing and need some help.
We've been on a gradual weaning thing for a while - part child-led in that she's gotten less and less interested during the day as she gets more and more interested in playing, running, etc. I'd love some help with the mama-led side of things. About a month ago while we were on vacation and going to be totally present and available, me and DH decided to really solidify the no nursing at day thing and used mostly distraction when she occassionally wanted to (e.g., offering airplanes rides or raisins instead). That's worked well. Some more clinginess when we got back from vacation and I was gone two days a week, but that's settled down now.
The issue now is that her nightnursing/sucking has increased and since i'm not producing any/much milk, this is uncomfortable for me physically and also tiring. I know most people do night weaning first and then the daytime stuff follows but she dropped off on the day so we're on a different path. I'm familiar with Jay Gordon's site and I think we may try that in several weeks once she's fully acclimated to no daytime nursing. I've been coming through the archives and found lots of good tips. I'd be grateful for other tips/thoughts about nightweaning
1) any sort of timeline on how to move things along? I like the gradual approach and I'm curious about behavioral markers. My thought had been wait til clinginess subsides entirely and then go on to next.
2) thoughts from people who've dayweaned first and then nightweaned.
3) she takes a bottle too and has since she was 3 mos so we're torn about giving her a bottle in the middle of the night which allows my DH to share nightime duties but also seems to extend this process since we'll then be dealing with bottle weaning in the night, and it also gives her so much milk vs the little drops she's now getting from me. thoughts on this?
Thanks so much!
|02-24-2010 11:44 AM|
justthinkn that's good advice/insight. I do feel lucky that we can get a bit more sleep/rest whatever you want to call it.
it is like clockwork, it's kind of amazing - 4:51 am is when he's woken up for the past 3 days, then nursed in our bed, slept until 7.
As long as I can get to sleep by 10pm at the very latest, this arrangement will probably work for a few more months...
|02-23-2010 12:55 PM|
|justthinkn||rozziemama, just wanted to respond... my guess would be that at that age esp., your LO may truly be hungry/thirsty by that time in the morning. and if that's true, after all that sleep, less sleep-debt, it would probably be hard to convince your LO to go back to sleep without nursing or some kind of milk. this is coming from the perspective of a mom with a child who wakes at 5a daily & does not go back to sleep at all - i would totally just enjoy the 2 hour snuggle for a while longer, as you're planning to do|
|02-23-2010 11:56 AM|
I guess in my ideal world, we'd end the 5am nursing and DS would sleep on his own until REAL morning. 6am? 6:30 even? imagine if the sun were coming up when he woke up!
I know he wants more sleep, because after I nurse him he sleeps until 7:15 on some days, so I just have this feeling that it's the habit (more than hunger) of nursing at 5-ish every morning that is disrupting his sleep. And, if I stopped nursing him then, ultimately would he be able to sleep better?
That's the question.
We bring him into our bed, DS and DH always fall back to sleep, I take a bit longer and sleep VERY lightly when he's in bed with us, so in many ways, it would be healthier for me too to stop bringing him in... though I do love having him there.
Ahhh so hard, so confusing.
Bottom line - I made the decision this weekend to continue to nurse him before bed and in the morning at 5am as long as he wants it through 18 months. So we have 2+ more months to figure out a strategy.
|02-23-2010 02:43 AM|
Just joining... I haven't been in the nursing forums for so long! It had all become so natural, even the gradual limitations/mama-led weaning I did, all felt so natural. But now I think our time nursing is coming to a close, and I feel ready, yet a little conflicted, you know?
We had a really rough start to nursing - it turns out I have IGT, persistent low supply problems that couldn't be fully resolved despite months of effort, expensive herbs and visits with a great LC. So we used an SNS to supplement until she was almost 18mo's, and then kept going from there!
I think I set my first nursing limit around 18mo's - she was so into nursing, I felt like I could hardly play with her - as soon as I got on the floor with her, she was attacking my shirt! So the first "limit" was that Mommy sits in a comfortable seat - it cut 50% of the floor attacks (No, wait, we set nighttime limits gradually starting around 12mo's, as we said first that DH would comfort her anytime before 1a - then 3a - then 4a...) Probably around 2yo, a little after, I started limiting nursing to when we were at home, b/c I started to feel more self-conscious in public. I don't remember when it became natural to just hold her sometimes when she needed comfort, rather than automatically whipping out the breast - but at some point, it did Just a few months ago, around 2.5yo, I realized that I was really feeling tired of how often DD was still asking to nurse - that I would rather hold her or read her a book when she needed some closeness and attention - so I told her that we would just be snuggling before and after sleeping times now, so 3-4x/day, depending on whether she actually fell asleep for her nap.
These were all pretty smooth, gentle, drama-free transitions, perhaps in part b/c I felt so sure of the timing of them, that it was a reasonable limit, that this was part of my evolving give-and-take relationship with my DD. And so when a few weeks ago, I suddenly felt a real aversion to nursing for the first time, I felt like it was worth experimenting NOT offering the long, post-sleep "snuggles" DD is used to, the ones I was sure she would hate to give up... And it was amazingly easy and tearless. One morning, just one, several days in, she commented half sadly, half matter-of-factly, that we no longer "snuggle" on the couch, and I just agreed and told her that we still hug and cuddle. It was such an easy transition, I'm still feeling a little amazed.
So now we're at 2x/day, before sleep, and I told DD tonight that this was our last before-bedtime snuggle. We'll see how that goes - she normally actually falls asleep with DH, not with me, and has just recently started falling to sleep on her own, so I'm very hopeful. And I think in another week or so, I'm going to start prepping her that we have just a few naptime snuggles left. I'm really ready to be done, and if taking the bedtime nursing out is peaceful, I'm going to feel pretty confident that she can handle 100% weaning.
But wow - there's still part of me that can't believe this part of our relationship is about to end. There is still a little sadness.
|02-19-2010 04:54 PM|
I guess I am kinda wondering what causes the sleep problem. It sounds like you are all able to get back to sleep eventually? So is it the interruption, or does the nursing make you want to climb the walls, or what? Do you have to get out of your bed to go get him from his crib? If that's the case, I guess I would suggest putting him in a toddler bed or floor bed near yours so he can just climb in on his own. I don't know how much that would help...
If you decide to wean, maybe gradually cutting down on the amount of time he nurses each morning would work? Or try putting him to sleep in the same way that he goes down at night, just in your bed?
I don't know...I hope some of that helps.
|02-18-2010 04:06 PM|
I'm not sure if this is the right thread to post to, I'll post somewhere else, but I wondered if anyone has any advice...
So, my DS is nearly 16 months old. I have been thinking that I'd like to wean him completely by 18 months. Right now, we are very nearly weaned. He only nurses before bed and first thing in the morning, at 5am, when he cries to come into our bed, nurses, and we all 3 usually sleep for 2+ more hours. It is a lovely time, in many ways, but we are very very tired in our house from broken sleep.
I have this hunch that the reason he wakes up so early at all is because his body is trained to nurse at that time, and if I could somehow eliminate it, he'd sleep longer. Yes, I'd miss him cuddling up with me in our bed, but I would also appreciate more sleep, if he could stop waking up at 5.
All the other feedings fell off very easily, so I've not needed any advice or help. He is a big eater, he *finally* drinks juice, milk and water (for a while he seemed to only get his liquids from me!), and weaning from all the day time feedings was a very natural, peaceful, momma/baby co-led process.
I haven't tried to eliminate the last two because they seem very different - about serious comfort, not food or drink or boredom.
I don't really know how to "wean" him -- since I haven't really had to with the other feedings... there's nothing to distract him in the morning, and there's so much more emotion and vulnerability tied up in it. I'm afraid that he will be hurt and I am confident he will put up a *VERY* good fight if I refuse to nurse at 5am...
Part of me feels like I should just wait until I can have a real conversation about it with him, so wait a little longer til he understands more.
|02-17-2010 04:42 PM|
I think I might just be done. I know I said I was going to wait until summer, but I think this might just be it. He's down to one nursing a day (as soon as I get home from work), and is easily distracted from it. I'm pregnant and exhausted and my nipples are getting sensitive. I do not want to tandem; I just can't handle that much body contact. I also don't want DS to think he had to give up his mum-mums for the new baby (even if that might be the truth), so I think the longer space he has between weaning and the baby's birth the better.
I think we might have a nice nursey-nap together on Sunday and then the mum-mums are going to be "all gone." I'm not sure he'll even notice, beyond two minutes of frustration right when I walk in the door at 4:30. I'm I really wanted to make it to his second birthday... but May 6th just seems so far away. Maybe I'll see if he wants to un-wean after the first-trimester, maybe not.
I feel bad about it, though. I know I need to, for my own sanity, and for DS's sanity once the baby comes in fall. But I still feel like I'm depriving him. 22 months seems like a long time... but really...
|02-15-2010 07:11 PM|
So it took us 4 months to cut out that morning nursing but we were taking it really slow on purpose. I'm sure you could go faster if you wanted.
|02-15-2010 06:37 PM|
|02-15-2010 05:05 PM|
|sarahz5||Thanks - that's a good idea... he is already doing a good job getting over it once we are downstairs and started on our day. My DH took the morning shift this morning and soothed DS when he woke around 4:30, and that seemed to help - he slept through until 7 after that. He still asked to nurse as soon as he found me, but at least he wasn't asking in the middle of the night! I wish I had used your strategy, though - I will remember that for next time!|
|02-15-2010 04:42 PM|
sarah, how many days has it been since you cut out that morning nursing? If it's only been a day or two I'd stick it out a few more and see if he gets used to it. Or maybe you could go back to nursing in the morning and before bed for a week or two, but make sure the morning nursing is well after he is awake? For us the morning nursing was the last one we cut out and I never actually had to cut it out, he just gave it up on his own, but months ago I had told him, no daybees until Mommy is up and has coffee. so eventually our "morning" nursing became an "after breakfast" nursing and he started just forgetting about it for days at a time.
I hope it works out!
|02-14-2010 03:39 PM|
Carrie, when I started cutting my DS (almost 2) back a few months ago, I noticed he was more cranky than usual. I think even if they are distracted enough not to want the nursing, they still sense something is different in a way that doesn't make them happy.
Our process was going GREAT but now it's a disaster. We easily cut him back from nursing about 7-10 times a day after 18 months (having nightweaned already) to 4 times (morning, nap if I'm home, before dinner, and nighttime), and pretty easily cut out both the pre-dinner and even the nap session. We were down to morning and night, and it was going great. I even managed to move the night session from right before bed to before going upstairs. BUT!!!!
I told him we were going to stop nursing in the morning, prepared him for a few days, did one day of just about half a minute of nursing, then told him no the next day. The first day wasn't so bad; but since then, he has been asking to nurse in the middle of the night, which he hasn't done in months, and he wakes up super early and screams and cries to nurse until I agree to get him out of bed. Then he's fine with some water or milk. AND he has been asking to nurse more often during the day!!!! I am so disappointed. Has this happened to anyone else?
I have been thinking maybe it would be better to just stop nursing altogether so it's not an option, but that seems a bit harsh. I also don't want to go back to nursing in the morning now that we have stopped though. Help!
|02-11-2010 09:19 PM|
|blizzard_babe||Wow, so DS has been, one average, not nursing at all an average of one day a week. Wackiness.|
|02-11-2010 05:44 PM|
mscoffee, that sounds like a gentle weaning to me. Good luck!
AFM, I think DS is done. It's been 6 days now.
|02-11-2010 09:56 AM|
I've been trying to let DD just play and have sippy cups instead of offering nursies. It's going really well! Yesterday she didn't ask in the morning, so she only nursed technically 4 times - nap, after nap, before dinner, bed.
The before dinner one was really for me, b/c she was incredibly fussy and just couldn't figure out what she wanted/needed. I did ask her if she wanted to nurse and she ran to me and was so excited.
It's hard b/c at times I do feel like I'm keeping something from her that she wants, but I know this is what I want and what will ultimately be best for both of us.
|02-11-2010 12:05 AM|
|mscoffee77||Hi everyone, my DS is 23 months old and is down to only nursing 1 time right before bed. It's been this way for several months now. He also only nurses a few minutes and then is done. I really am ready for him to wean completely. I have been replacing the time he'd be nursing with bathtime and then DH rocks him. I really want to gently wean, but am just not comfortable nursing past age 2. I've been doing this the past 3 days & have only nursed him once when he was really, really wanting to nurse. Does this sound like a gentle way to wean? I don't want it to be traumatic for him, but also am very ready for him to wean. Any advice is appreciated|
|02-08-2010 09:22 PM|
|mizznicole||thanks for this thread. look forward to reading through it.|
|02-05-2010 05:25 PM|
Our slow weaning process.
We used Jay Gordons night weaning method at 15 months.
18 months I started my dont offer, distract, but dont refuse if she doesnt get distracted. With that she was still nursing about 6-7 times a day.
Then at 21 months I started a strict 4 times a day rule unless she got hurt or something. It was morning, nap, after supper and bedtime.
Then I noticed her skipping the mornings a month later so I cut that one out.
Then at about 22 months I cut her suppertime one without too much protest.
We are at 23 months now and she is nursing twice a day, before her nap and before bed. She doesnt need it to fall asleep though. I have been putting her to bed awake since I nightweaned her. She does protest a little but I never let her get hysterical. After she turns 2 I will cut off her nap one and then her bedtime one.
I love it when she looks at me after and say Mmm good mommy. Its nice to be appreciated. <3
PS: I am done. I want my body back before I get pregnant with #2. My goal was 2 years and I made it. Repitition and persistance made this really easy on us so far. I cant say there wasnt any tears on both our parts, but I was there for her every step of the way. We have a new ritual now. She is always trying to steal my coffee or tea. So now I make her her own "cuppee". I make it with grain coffee and soymilk and we both have out coffee together in the morning. It makes her feel grown up. lol.
|02-05-2010 02:43 AM|
I've been following this thread for a while now, and thought I'd post about our last nursing moment. We have been slowly weaning for a while. First cutting out morning nursings (quickly jumping out of bed and distracting him), then naptime nursing (having either daycare providers or my partner put him down) and now, finally, his nighttime nursing. The nighttime nursing was the trickiest. First I stopped nursing him to sleep and instead handed him off to his other mom after nursing time for "special baba song" time. After he got used to this I started pulling him off after a small bit of time saying "oh my - you drank mama milk all up - you're such a big boy!" And then distracting him with going to his other mom. Oy - this hasn't been as smooth as this paragraph makes it sound! It's definately been an up and down process that has lasted almost 6 months. Anyway...
On our last nursing day earlier this week, Gabriel curled up in my arms and asked to nurse while I rocked him in the rocking chair. I reminded him that there wasn't much mama milk left and let him nurse. He nursed for a few seconds and then turned his head up towards me and said "mama milk all gone. I big kid now." My heart skipped a beat. Then he leaned into me with a big hug and whispered "I love you, mama."
Hang in there, all. It can be done.
|02-04-2010 01:02 PM|
I think we are finally on our way to fully weaning one of them. Ronin hasn't nursed in about a week or so, and Ryker nurses once a day in the morning..
The boys go to special needs preschool (PPCD), so they are distracted all day. But when it's the weekend, they'll both nurse in the morning.
I'd love to fully wean without them being upset, but I'm not sure if that's possible.
|02-03-2010 02:28 AM|
My kid's been out of sorts a little lately too, but I don't think it's weaning-related. Maybe it's the weather or something, it seems like everyone's kids are crazy. DS is still nursing every now and then. No more than once a day and often less.
Good luck and happy weaning vibes to all those who need it!
|02-01-2010 09:01 AM|
It looks like your DS is about the same age as my DD (11/07). For me, I really started to feel that it was time to wean after she turned 2.
We've had some success walking and rocking her to sleep in the past week or so, but it's usually after nursing. She's been regressing on potty-use, too. I know she's not happy about weaning, but I worry that there might be something else going on, too. It's also possible that she's just gone overboard on some harder-to-digest foods in the past few days.
Is raw bread dough really bad for you?
|01-31-2010 11:35 PM|
I decided today is his last day nursing and I am starting a cleanse tomorrow. Part of me feels really guilty because he is so young, but I know this is whats best overall for me and the kids.
|01-30-2010 04:44 PM|
I'm new here, too. DD is now 2 and 2 months, I am newly pregnant, and I am ready to be done. On top of that, she has horribly tooth decay which the dentist attributes to night nursing (not sure I buy it) and hasn't gained much weight at all in the past year or so. The pediatrician says that she needs more solids, and no more nursing, ASAP.
It's been a month and a half since the pediatrician told us to cut it out, but I couldn't actively work on weaning until about 2 weeks ago. We were traveling over the holidays, and in general I felt like it just wasn't a good time. Also the last of DD's 2 year molars were coming in.
In the past week and a half, I've successfully cut out night nursing and any random/casual nursing during the day. Now we're down to bedtime, waking up time, and nap time, and I can't seem to cut any further. I've been working on reducing the time of the morning feeding, but she needs her sleep desparately, and although she can sometimes be walked/rocked to sleep, it's very difficult. I feel that it will be a long road to getting her to settle herself to sleep. (I've never been a great sleeper, either).
Anyway, between her possibly-nursing-related health issues and my pregancy, and the fact that she's 2 years old, talking in sentences, etc., I feel like it's definitely time. I just don't know how she'll ever settle to sleep without nursing!
|01-29-2010 05:17 PM|
Hi ladies. I'm looking down the barrel of a sloooooooooow weaning process. DS is almost 21 months (he'll be two in May), and I'm looking to completely wean this summer. I feel like I have to justify it, but really, I'm just done. I'm not pregnant, I don't think it's "weird" to nurse longer... I'm just ready to be done. I am starting to resent nursing.
I'm currently working at cutting out DS's morning nursing session. I'm a WOHM, DS could just nurse for hours and hours in the morning. Trying to get dressed, get myself and him fed and dressed, and then either get myself out the door (3 days a week, DH stays home with DS during the day and works at night) or get ALL of us out the door (DH works two mornings a week), and the morning nursing is getting sooooooooooo frustrating.
He's not happy about it, but he's dealing pretty well. Whines and fusses a bit and then asks for "ceyal rains" (cereal with raisins). We are still nursing when I get home from work, and then once at bedtime, and probably will until the end of the school year. I used to go home at lunch to eat and nurse him, but that was almost causing more problems than it solved; DS thought that once I was home I should stay home.
I know it seems backwards to wean in the summer, when I'm home all the time, but there are just so many more options for distracting activities when it's not -40F outside. And we'll be in the Lower 48 visiting family, so there will be no shortage of DS-deprived grandmas and grandpas and aunties and uncles just ITCHING to distract him.
So yeah. There's my intro.
|01-29-2010 03:18 AM|
I could use support too. I've been working on gently weaning my son for the past month and it is just NOT working. He is not ready to give it up, but I am not able to continue. I don't enjoy it, and I really feel a strong need to do a cleanse and I do not want to nurse him while that is going on. As soon as I have done that and gotten some dental work, I want to TTC, and it would be nice to not nurse while pregnant.
Today I told him it was his last day nursing, and he didn't even ask at bedtime, but I am worried about how I will deal with it when he is tired tomorrow and screams for the boob.
|01-28-2010 10:05 PM|
FWIW, Dr Jay Gordon advocates having your partner take over the night parenting for that very reason. They don't have any milk. When my DD would wake up, I would try rocking and singing first, but if she fussed at all, I would give her to DH and disappear. She would fall right asleep on him, no problems. He would keep her the rest of the night. After 2 weeks (give or take) she and I went back to co-sleeping and she stopped waking up completely. She was sleeping anywhere from 9 or 10 pm till 5 am or so. I chose not to nurse b/w 11 pm and 6 am as that was the chunk of sleep I decided was most important.
Then her molars decided to come in.
Now she wakes up but needs rocking (from me) to get back to sleep, or to lay on DH. So, I figure once her teeth are done, she might *might* get back into STTN.
AFM - this morning, I went to nurse DD first thing upon waking like normal. I guess it was about 8 am. She kept popping off to boob, really distracted, watching TV, etc, which she never does. So I said, "Do you want a banana instead?" and she sat up, put my shirt down, and nodded.
It was bittersweet, but secretly I was happy. She's definitely choosing solids over nursies! I'm not just forcing this on her. It's like she's ready, and I feel good about it!
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