Mothering Forums - Reply to Topic

Thread: Stepson problems Reply to Thread
Title:
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Trackback:
Send Trackbacks to (Separate multiple URLs with spaces) :
Post Icons
You may choose an icon for your message from the following list:
 

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



  Additional Options
Miscellaneous Options

  Topic Review (Newest First)
06-05-2014 05:57 AM
pumabearclan I am not a stepmom but we have a blended family so I have some experience with roles and expectations in that regard. First, is your husband the main caregiver parent of the boy, or are you? I would try to minimize your involvement rather than assert yourself here. Due to his disability and age the stepson may not be able to manage his emotional responses or relations with a woman, especially if he perceives you as not being his "real mother." This is the time, it seems to me, for your husband to take charge with love and acceptance and guidance and discipline; you can and maybe should leave it to the men to work this thing out. I would see your role as "supporting" at this point: asking and listening about the son's activities, doing things behind the scenes like making a favorite meal or bringing forgotten items to school, and generally being a silent support to both your husband and the son.

I found that with teens they will match your strength with a show of greater strength, and if the stepson cannot realize this tendency as a phase or manage his responses and self-image, then you could be the object upon which he discharges his frustrations and against whom he gains personal power.

Most of all I would try to stop fighting with your husband about it. You are both demonstrating to the child that he is more powerful than both of you together if he can make such great discord with so little effort. What everyone needs is progress and you don't have to be the leader - probably cannot be, due to the circumstance - but you can enable the men to make progress by staying out of their relationship. I would say as much to your husband, with love and hope that a change for the better will follow. Then privately work on your anger and resentment so that you don't bring that to your relationships.

You should also consider privately what future for the young man is good for him and acceptable to you so that when this time passes you can be calm and rational with your husband about constructive options for the family when the boy becomes an adult.
06-02-2014 07:28 PM
lauren Hi there and welcome!! Does he have Fragile X syndrome or a different genetic disorder? How is his cognitive ability? Also do you know if there was any drinking (alcohol) during the pregnancy?
06-01-2014 11:22 PM
Dirtygirl
Stepson problems

Hi I am new to this form. I have a 13 year olds step son with disabilities, mostly ODD, anger problems, he had a duplication in his X chromosome. Anyway, he will not do anything that I ask period! Never says hi, good morning, good night nothing, I have raised him from 5 years old. He is over 6 feet tall and weights 260pounds, and I am so tired of his father and I fighting. We have custody of him because she wanted money not the kids at the divorce. I am lost at what to do, everything I do is wrong and I walk on eggshells. I love my hubby but can't stand his son. Help

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off