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  Topic Review (Newest First)
12-26-2008 10:01 PM
vbactivist
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellien C View Post
No, the OP would still be raising her baby just as much as her partner is also raising their child, even though he works 2 jobs and goes to school. Mothers who have assistance caring for their children are STILL raising them.

But in the OPs case it is clear that she really wants to stay home and I encourage her to do so.
maybe neither parent would be raising the baby, then?

I mean, if you are with your child less than 1 waking hour a day, is that really raising him or her?
12-26-2008 09:54 PM
Ellien C
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crunchy*VT*Mom View Post
That is too much work.

Your mother would be raising your baby.

She got her chance when she had you, now its your turn.
No, the OP would still be raising her baby just as much as her partner is also raising their child, even though he works 2 jobs and goes to school. Mothers who have assistance caring for their children are STILL raising them.

But in the OPs case it is clear that she really wants to stay home and I encourage her to do so.
12-26-2008 09:05 PM
Patrick's mummy I'd SAH for sure :
12-26-2008 07:55 PM
ILoveMyBabyBird if i were you, i would stay home, especially if your lo is small. Dh and i had that talk last night, and we are in a massive amount of debt, w/o insurance and things are just not improving. We have both agreed since dh will be able to stay with ds 2 days during the work week, and since he is older (2 1/2) and no longer bf'ing, that me working is practically our only option for us to get out of debt. I know what you mean about the debt repayment. i have tried to convince dh that the fastest way to get out of debt would be for me to work the night shift, and ds goes w/o daycare, but he is not interested in my going out at late hours of the night working. So we will take things slower, but in all honesty, he said that he wanted me to work for just a year, which would pay off about 14000 of our 19000 cc/debt, but if things are going well and working out w/the job i find, i will more than likely stay for 2 to 2 1/2 years and finish up all our debt except mortgage. Good luck in your decision, it is hard to choose. I have delayed going to work as long as possible and i think that we are near the breaking point. As long as you are diligent with sticking to budget i think you shouldn't have any problems staying home on just your dh's income.
12-23-2008 10:15 PM
amandaleigh37 I'd definitely stay home. (Heck, I AM staying home, and we aren't nearly as secure financially as it sounds like you are!)

I've never heard someone say that they regretted staying home with their kids when they were young. I've heard plenty of people say that they regretted working, and wished they had found a way to stay home. These first few years of your baby's life will go by so fast, and once they're gone... no going back!
12-23-2008 04:10 PM
lolar2 Working those hours plus taking classes sounds to me like a recipe for failing a class. With that information, and since you can manage without your working, I would stay at home. Maybe take your mother up on her offer when it comes time to study for finals.
12-23-2008 03:37 PM
Drummer's Wife yeah, once you add in the going to school full-time it really seems like it wouldn't be possible to work those hrs anyway. I mean, you could if you had to but it would come at a cost.

IME, online classes can be more challenging and time consuming than their campus version. I struggled to take 2 classes at a time and take care of my child (just had one, then) I cannot imagine trying to work a full-time+ job as well and remain sane. JMO, though. good luck with your decision.
12-23-2008 02:39 PM
lightheart Stay at home, babies are only babies once in their lives, enjoy it!

Being able to stay at home with our kids have been a wonderful experience for me. I know we could be someplace else financially had I continued to work but the trade-off has been great.

If you want to/need to get out some and be with adults and earn a little extra go for a job that is flexable with their hours even if it means a drastic cut in pay.
12-23-2008 01:40 PM
syd'smom It sounds like you want to stay home - DO IT! If you are able to pay off some of your debt right now, you can use the wise mamas here to help you budget even more, and get to stay with your little baby.

Think about it: on your death bed, are you going to regret that you stayed home when your babe was little, or are you going to regret taking a little longer to pay off your debt?

(and I understand not wanting to be in debt, but if you are budgeting wisely and paying down every month, I think the time with your babe is more important than taking a bit longer to pay down the debt.) Good luck mama!
12-23-2008 01:22 PM
cappuccinosmom Stay at home. Ditch the guilt. Work on budgeting saving so you have more to put into the debt, if you feel you need to *do* something about it.

And give your dh lots of . He deserves it, with his response to you. What a great guy. :
12-23-2008 09:50 AM
KoalaMama
Quote:
Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
On top of school. But my university is great : and offers all their classes in evening and online formats as well as traditional. I am taking all online.
Wow. Personally, I cannot imagine how I could work out of the home 60 hours a week, do full time studies and still care for a baby, spouse and home. Managing any time for your family or self would be a real challenge. And when would you sleep??
12-23-2008 12:38 AM
traceface I'd SAH, too - but keep checking with your Mom if she can still watch your little one when he's 2 or 3!

working and not having to pay for childcare does sound pretty great! but put it off for as long as you can
12-22-2008 09:19 PM
claddaghmom
Quote:
Originally Posted by KoalaMama View Post
You're going to school full time starting next month? So the job would be on top of that? Or do you mean it would be 40-60 hours between school and work?

Actually, whatever way you answer that question would likely be irrelevant to my thoughts on the subject... if you want to be at home, and are in a position to do that, then go ahead and follow your heart's desire. When you're 80, you're not likely to look back with regret that you didn't take advantage of free babysitting to pay your debt off a couple years faster. But you very well might regret not doing what you really wanted to do - be there with your baby for those early years.

On top of school. But my university is great : and offers all their classes in evening and online formats as well as traditional. I am taking all online.
12-22-2008 06:28 PM
KoalaMama You're going to school full time starting next month? So the job would be on top of that? Or do you mean it would be 40-60 hours between school and work?

Actually, whatever way you answer that question would likely be irrelevant to my thoughts on the subject... if you want to be at home, and are in a position to do that, then go ahead and follow your heart's desire. When you're 80, you're not likely to look back with regret that you didn't take advantage of free babysitting to pay your debt off a couple years faster. But you very well might regret not doing what you really wanted to do - be there with your baby for those early years.
12-22-2008 06:21 PM
SeekingJoy Sah.
12-22-2008 06:07 PM
dearmama22 yep, I agree with everyone else- stay at home if you can!
12-22-2008 05:49 PM
claddaghmom
Quote:
Originally Posted by EFmom View Post
I'd WOHM, but that's me. I'd go insane being a SAHM within two weeks.
Oh I forgot to mention that I do WOH on eBay. The Christmas season was good. I did have a little blip when DD was born in November. . As I was in labor, I was cancelling 200 auctions that would have ended a day after she was born lol.

Anyways, I am expecting the next ebay season to be small beans in our family income. January to June is typically a slow season for me on eBay. (aka at my volume, less than $100-200 a week, gross).

I will also be in school F/T starting Jan 12th.
12-22-2008 04:50 PM
lolar2 I prefer WOH to SAH myself, but not with those hours. If you want to or feel you should WOH, I would look for a different job since you aren't desperate for one right away.
12-22-2008 04:41 PM
Purple Sage Another vote for stay home.
12-22-2008 04:31 PM
A&A Have you seen this economy? I'd hold onto a job as long as possible.

(But I agree that those hours are insane. Perhaps work that job until you can find another one? Or, with you still working, perhaps your dh could quit his second job.)
12-22-2008 04:30 PM
BarefootScientist Your financial situation sounds just fine with only your DH working...you would have to work insane hours if you went back...and you WANT to stay home...

so definitely, 100%, STAY HOME! Lol.

But it does sound like you have an awesome babysitter situation if you ever do decide to go back (or get a less demanding job).
12-22-2008 04:24 PM
Ola_ Definitely not at those hours, I wouldn't go back. But I would look around for a similar job with part time hours.
12-22-2008 04:22 PM
zinemama If your family were hurting for cash and unable to pay off debt, I'd say that with your mother's generous offer you should definitely go back to work. Free childcare is rare and I'm not one to say a mother should sah no matter what.

However, that's not the case. You are able covering your expenses plus being able to save. Your dh is getting experience in his field, which will give him a leg up on a better job when he graduates. You can afford to sah if you want to - and you do want to.

In your shoes, I would say "That's a really generous offer, Mom and I appreciate it so much. For now we've decided it's best for our family for me to sah. But if I ever re-visit working outside the home, it's so good to know that you'd be willing to help make it possible. If that day comes, I'll let you know."
12-22-2008 04:14 PM
Lit Chick I'd go back to work, but not at your old job. The hours you describe would make you miserable - you need to see both your DH and your child.
One day you might HAVE to go back to FT, but now is not that time.

Still, I am also a person who would go bonkers if I SAT (I live far away from everone/everything, and my maternity leave was quite enough of that). If you want to help out by bringing in a little money, then see if you can get a little PT job. But if you adore being a SAHM, then by all means do that.
12-22-2008 04:12 PM
Drummer's Wife here's another vote to sah. I mean, that's amazing that your mom is offering free childcare and if you guys were struggling to make ends meet, I'd say take her up on it and work....

babies grow up so quickly, it's definitely time you cannot get back. AND, I've never heard of anyone say they regretted being a sahm. We had some hard times but it was always worth it for me to be the one taking care of the kids.
12-22-2008 04:07 PM
EFmom I'd WOHM, but that's me. I'd go insane being a SAHM within two weeks.
12-22-2008 03:41 PM
LisainCalifornia Stay at home! Your mom is not you. It is your touch and care that your child needs, not grandma. My mom offered the same thing when my son was a baby (and we lived 2 hours from them!)---and it was what made me decide to commit to stay at home. I did not have my kids for my mom or anyone else to take care of. This was my chance to do something so important--and I wasn't going to pass it off to anyone one else. That was 14 years ago, and I am still going strong.
12-22-2008 03:37 PM
claddaghmom Thanks guys. I guess I just needed to hear it, lol. I asked DH WWYD and he said he couldn't believe I would entertain the idea of working haha.

I think part of me feels a bit guilty that I will get to stay home w/ the baby, when we could technically start saving for a home and get out of debt faster, KWIM?

But, yes, the thought of leaving my baby for even an 1hr makes me very sad.
12-22-2008 03:35 PM
kirstenb With those hours I would SAH (and I WOH now) unless we absolutely could not afford for me to stay home. There is a big difference between 40 and 60 hours a week, and it sounds like you are doing okay staying at home. Since your mom is offering to watch your LO for free, is there some PT work you could do? Maybe a few hours a day or one day a week?
12-22-2008 03:33 PM
Mom2Adam Not sure if you frequent this forum frequently - but I wanted to add that I bet you will "find" more money than you think if you implement ideas from the posters on the Frugality forum! You might be able to put more towards the debt than you are anticipating now! So you could stay home, feel somewhat comfortable and put money towards debt. :

Best wishes to you in making a decison that works for your family!
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