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  Topic Review (Newest First)
11-06-2009 10:50 PM
wombatclay Big hugs... bipolar runs in my family too and having grown up with parents who didn't medicate/didn't proactively manage their own mental health I second the sentiment that what you are doing is a huge gift to your family! I completely understand the sense of guilt/loss (as a doula and extremely outspoken natural birth advocate who then had a c/s, ppd, and ptsd and had to face all the "I told you so" and "you just didn't do X" comments). Give yourself permission to really grieve the loss and process it, you deserve the time and space to find a new balance.

I know it can be hard to find milk... I'm glad your LLL group has a list. You might also contact doulas, LCs, or pedatric care providers to see if they have similar lists or would let you post flyers. But you're right... it's hard to find a donor. I've donated for years and even in my very small town it seems like there are a dozen in need for every one donor. I wish we lived closer because I'd be happy to donor you!

Hang in there and keep taking care of yourself! Like the flight attendants say, you have to get your own mask in place before you can help your kiddos.
11-06-2009 05:56 PM
Mamatoabunch
Quote:
Originally Posted by Truckerdoo View Post
Crashing this conversation and was wondering about this point. Is this sanitary/hygenic? Do people really do this? Is the milk tested or screened or something?

We do. I pray and trust my gut. The milk is not tested, I have only asked for records from one mom. If a mama is feeding her wee one her milk I feel it is good for my baby as well. We have been incredibly blessed by all our milk mamas!
11-06-2009 01:32 PM
Mamabeakley Although I think you could kill most any germs by boiling the milk, that would also "kill" the milk's live active good stuff - still better than formula, but . . .
11-06-2009 01:15 PM
Abraisme
Quote:
Originally Posted by Truckerdoo View Post
Crashing this conversation and was wondering about this point. Is this sanitary/hygenic? Do people really do this? Is the milk tested or screened or something?
The milk I donate is given directly to another baby. I pump and freeeze the milk and then she picks it up every 2 weeks or so. We didn't test or screen anything. She just trusted that I was fully tested for communicable diseases while pregnant and that I wouldn't BF my own child if my milk wasn't safe. We've never had a problem doing it this way.

However, some people do choose to pay for a medical exam for the donating mother to make sure she's healthy and not on drugs or anything.

It's not cost effective to go through a milk bank where they can pasteurize and screen the milk. It ends up costing as much as $3 per oz!
11-06-2009 12:33 PM
Flower of Bliss I'm sorry you've had such a rough transition with your new little one. Mothering is hard. Each decision is about balancing the needs of each member in the family. As hard as it must have been to give up nursing your DD, you definitely made the right decision

I can't imagine dealing with the turmoil of losing a close friend in the midst of postpartum recovery and then having to give up BF To go through all of that while also trying to find the right bi-polar medications sounds so rough.

Sending love and light. I hope with the new medication and some distance from the other difficulties, that things will start to look up for you and your family.
11-06-2009 11:18 AM
Truckerdoo
Quote:
Originally Posted by momoftworedheads View Post
For starters, could mamas send you milk? So many people have oversupply and pump for milk banks. I think that given your circumstances, maybe you could start a site and get donations for the shipping? Or start local and expand? Just thoughts here.
Crashing this conversation and was wondering about this point. Is this sanitary/hygenic? Do people really do this? Is the milk tested or screened or something?
11-06-2009 06:29 AM
puddleduck
Quote:
Originally Posted by Talula Fairie View Post
Almost 9 weeks I think.

It's just hard...I mean, I breastfed #1 until 15 months, through nine months of pregnancy with her sister. I breastfed #2 for 2.5 years. I wish I could have done that with this baby
it's a shame we don't live in the 'ideal tribe', then your friends, sisters, cousins and aunts could feed your baby for you.

be confident in your decision and don't let anyone question you, and if someone has a problem with it, then they can shove it.

your baby will thrive on the love you give her and you will make up for the limited breastfeeding time in many other ways.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
11-06-2009 12:39 AM
mama*pisces I'm so sorry Lindsay. I know I would feel tremendously sad if I couldn't breastfeed, and to have someone that you trusted betray you like that in the midst of your difficult postpartum period...ugh, 'that sucks' doesn't even cover it.

I actually haven't talked to my MIL since DD was 5 days old. She was also staying with us in order to help, blew up at me over an issue concerning DS, left(while I was still in pain recovering from a c-section), and we haven't spoken since...and we used to have what I thought was a really great relationship. NOT anymore. DH had to work, so we actually had to call one of DH's co-worker's mom, a really nice lady that DH knew but that I had never met before, and she came for a couple of days to help me out with ds and stuff, and then my mom flew in two days later. I'm not going to go into what the issue was about, but I totally get that feeling of betrayal and I KNOW my relationship with my MIL will never be the same again. I would really rather not talk to her at all, but she is my DH's mother and my kids' grandmother, AND she lives like 10 minutes away, so I guess I don't have much choice.

But anyway...just wanted to say I understand, at least a little, and that I am also proud of you for taking care of yourself, even though I know that wasn't an easy choice to make. Hang in there mama. Hopefully you can get donated milk, and even if you can't, that isn't the only way to bond with your baby. I think you're doing a great job.
11-06-2009 12:27 AM
Mamatoabunch I am so sorry you have had a difficult time. But taking care of yourself is top priority. I don't have a full supply, just drops a day and my babies have had many milk mamas on MilkShare. I'm a stalker there, LOL. Finnian has had a continuous donor, despite donors being few and far between here. Good luck!
11-05-2009 08:35 PM
redpajama
Quote:
Originally Posted by texaspeach View Post


I am proud of you for taking care of yourself lindsay.
11-05-2009 06:39 PM
Talula Fairie
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gentle~Mommy :) View Post
Talula, I have to commend you on being so strong and getting through this rough period in your life. I'm sorry about you falling out with your friend too, any chance that with some time you can be friends again?
I don't think so. While I'd appreciate an apology from her, what she did was such a betrayal of trust that I'd never be able to let her 'in' again.
11-05-2009 06:38 PM
Gentle~Mommy :) Talula, I have to commend you on being so strong and getting through this rough period in your life. I'm sorry about you falling out with your friend too, any chance that with some time you can be friends again?
11-05-2009 06:34 PM
Talula Fairie
Quote:
Originally Posted by puddleduck View Post
don't beat yourself up, you fed her for what 6-8 weeks? thats more than most babies get. be kind to yourself.
Almost 9 weeks I think.

It's just hard...I mean, I breastfed #1 until 15 months, through nine months of pregnancy with her sister. I breastfed #2 for 2.5 years. I wish I could have done that with this baby
11-05-2009 06:15 PM
puddleduck don't beat yourself up, you fed her for what 6-8 weeks? thats more than most babies get. be kind to yourself.
11-04-2009 10:05 PM
GradysMom regarding immunity - seeing as how my family just picked this habit back up, cod liver oil.... could you put a few drops in the bottles you make up at home - given the whole flu thing the immune support could be tremendous for your babe
11-04-2009 08:08 PM
Abraisme
Quote:
Originally Posted by Talula Fairie View Post
A milk bank is totally out of the question, the money would be way more than we can afford. I already mentioned that I put myself on the list for donated milk with my local LLL leader, so if anyone calls her, she'll give me their milk.

I'll join milkshare but I'm really not feeling optimistic. People don't realize how hard it is to get donated milk. They act like it's this easy option and it isn't.
In retrospect I could see that.. I did have 5-6 responses for people that wanted my extra milk. I ended up choosing the youngest child because it was such a hard choice to make (the baby was 3m when I started donating to him). Keep trying, even if it is hard, it's not impossible. Good luck!

ETA: I pump an extra 12-14oz a day so it's not enough to feed him exclusive bm. However, some is better none.
11-04-2009 07:41 PM
Talula Fairie
Quote:
Originally Posted by GradysMom View Post
i just wanna offer my codolences regarding the lost friendship. I find those upheavals in life very difficult - it is always much easier to drift apart.

two mo of breastmilk is a wonderful gift... and i have a bipolar mom who doesn't take care of herself or her mental state... what you've had to do is really such a huge gift to your family - keep it up!
Thank you. That part was hard and I'm sure it was a major contributor to me going in...I was really betrayed I felt and incredibly hurt.
11-04-2009 07:39 PM
GradysMom i just wanna offer my codolences regarding the lost friendship. I find those upheavals in life very difficult - it is always much easier to drift apart.

two mo of breastmilk is a wonderful gift... and i have a bipolar mom who doesn't take care of herself or her mental state... what you've had to do is really such a huge gift to your family - keep it up!
11-04-2009 07:13 PM
Talula Fairie
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lacrymosa View Post
Hey Lindsey, yeah haven't heard from you on awhile on here or on facebook.

I am going through something entirely too similar and haven't been able to breastfeed since 2 months post partum. I STILL feel guilty and sad about it at 4 months, and I never mentioned it here on MDC because already everyone I run into or have mentioned it to (in person) have given me more of a guilt trip and tell me what a disservice I am doing my child and how I should have breastfed no matter what. Society is extremely judgemental when a woman isn't breastfeeding no matter what the reason.. I held off taking the medication as long as I could but me and John both eventually decided it was important I take care of myself so I could better take care of Asia.

Obviously I still have extreme feelings of guilt and regret.. it's really hard and I think I will always feel bad about my choice and feel like I made the wrong one. Anyways.. Just wanted to let you know I kind of know what you're going through.

And yes.. we have looked into getting donated breastmilk and it is MUCH harder than people think.


I'm sorry you are going through this too, though it is nice to know I'm not alone.
11-04-2009 07:11 PM
Lacrymosa Hey Lindsey, yeah haven't heard from you on awhile on here or on facebook.

I am going through something entirely too similar and haven't been able to breastfeed since 2 months post partum. I STILL feel guilty and sad about it at 4 months, and I never mentioned it here on MDC because already everyone I run into or have mentioned it to (in person) have given me more of a guilt trip and tell me what a disservice I am doing my child and how I should have breastfed no matter what. Society is extremely judgemental when a woman isn't breastfeeding no matter what the reason.. I held off taking the medication as long as I could but me and John both eventually decided it was important I take care of myself so I could better take care of Asia.

Obviously I still have extreme feelings of guilt and regret.. it's really hard and I think I will always feel bad about my choice and feel like I made the wrong one. Anyways.. Just wanted to let you know I kind of know what you're going through.

And yes.. we have looked into getting donated breastmilk and it is MUCH harder than people think.
11-04-2009 05:36 PM
Mamabeakley Lindsay, I'm glad you came on to let us know how you're doing. That can be really hard to do when it's not all pink cloudy. And I'm glad you are taking care of yourself, whatever it takes.

I know that as a 3rd time mom I struggle some with how each of my children have gotten something different from me - why couldn't I give ALL of them the best parts of what I have been able to give EACH of them? But I know I am and was doing the best I can/could in each case.

I hope someday your girls will admire you for being strong enough to do what you have to do to care for them!
11-04-2009 05:31 PM
Amanda Williams
Your little one is so lucky to have you, L!
I've missed seeing you around here!
11-04-2009 04:55 PM
Talula Fairie
Quote:
Originally Posted by momoftworedheads View Post
First of all, huge hugs to you and your LO!

I think a big part of being a good mama is taking care of your own health as well, so do not feel guilty for taking care of yourself. You need to be healthy for your children!

For starters, could mamas send you milk? So many people have oversupply and pump for milk banks. I think that given your circumstances, maybe you could start a site and get donations for the shipping? Or start local and expand? Just thoughts here.

When you bottle feed, I still think you can have special things you do like bottle feed skin to skin, for you to be the primary feeder of your baby. You could also use the bottles for bfed babies if that would help (breastflow, adiri nurser, etc)

You are an awesome mama! Please take care and keep posting!

Hugs,

Jen
A milk bank is totally out of the question, the money would be way more than we can afford. I already mentioned that I put myself on the list for donated milk with my local LLL leader, so if anyone calls her, she'll give me their milk.

I'll join milkshare but I'm really not feeling optimistic. People don't realize how hard it is to get donated milk. They act like it's this easy option and it isn't.
11-04-2009 04:46 PM
Michigan Mama
11-04-2009 04:46 PM
momoftworedheads First of all, huge hugs to you and your LO!

I think a big part of being a good mama is taking care of your own health as well, so do not feel guilty for taking care of yourself. You need to be healthy for your children!

For starters, could mamas send you milk? So many people have oversupply and pump for milk banks. I think that given your circumstances, maybe you could start a site and get donations for the shipping? Or start local and expand? Just thoughts here.

When you bottle feed, I still think you can have special things you do like bottle feed skin to skin, for you to be the primary feeder of your baby. You could also use the bottles for bfed babies if that would help (breastflow, adiri nurser, etc)

You are an awesome mama! Please take care and keep posting!

Hugs,

Jen
11-04-2009 02:50 PM
sunshynbaby

I'm so sorry about the breastfeeding situation. I'm having problems going without meds for my anxiety issues, and I can not even imagine going without them for bipolar. Kudos to you for even attempting that. You are right that a mentally stable mommy is the very best, nurturing thing you can give your baby, above and beyond breastfeeding or anything else. You are doing the right thing!!!
11-04-2009 02:15 PM
maddymama I guess bonding isn't the word I was looking for...... I was thinking of something special you could do while FF your LO so you would look forward to it and it would be positive and speical instead of "Oh, I'm not nursing you..." Make sense?
LOL, I'd forget the bottle, too...... if it were me!
~maddymama
11-04-2009 02:03 PM
texaspeach

I am proud of you for taking care of yourself lindsay.
11-04-2009 01:47 PM
Talula Fairie
Quote:
Originally Posted by maddymama View Post
HUGS Lindsay,
Bipolar is TOUGH... it runs in my in-law's family and I know that the right medication makes all the difference. JuniperMama posted some smart words about needing a healthy mama more than one who can BF. Listen to her. :-)
I know that not BFing is tough, but it sounds like you BF for a bit before you had to stop, which you can take some consolation in. Also, you tried, which is more than many mamas do. I don't think anyone blames/should make a mama feel bad who TRIED to BF and couldn't for medical reasons.
Can you create a feeding ritual which will help you bond with your LO? Like sing a certain song only when you give a bottle? You get to drink some special tea or something?
Good luck!
~maddymama
Well I always feed her while holding her really close, just like as if we were nursing. And she gets lots of skin to skin contact when I wear her in the sling, which is more often than not. I am not too terribly worried about our bonding per se, I guess I just feel...I don't know, it doesn't *feel* right to me to formula feed because I am so used to breastfeeding, I mean, I bf both my other kids well into toddlerhood. My second was nursed for 2.5 years.

I still do things like....go out and forget to bring a bottle. I'm used to always having food for the baby without having to think about it.
11-04-2009 01:45 PM
Talula Fairie
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abraisme View Post


I can't imagine what you're going through, but I can offer a hug.

Have you looked into donated breastmilk? There is a Yahoo group MilkShare that helps bring donors and babies together. I donate my extra breastmilk to a lady that also can't nurse because of a medication. There are a lot of people out there willing to do the same. At least if you can't nurse her she could get the right food for her little body.

Good luck!
I have. My local LLL leader has my name and phone number, she said sometimes she gets calls from mamas who have breastmilk to donate.

I may also have a friend or two who can send me some, but shipping on milk is expensive so who knows.

I need to do milk share, thanks for the reminder! I have been so overwhelmed I keep forgetting to join.
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