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  Topic Review (Newest First)
01-21-2011 10:15 AM
leam811

OP - so glad your heroic DH stepped in and set some folks straight.

 

My 17mo is a nursing champ. Yesterday I picked her up from her second day at a new (Montessori! yay!) daycare, and offered to nurse her there in the tiny lobby. We plopped down in a chair and started, and suddenly the room seemed full of other parents waiting to pick up their kids - mostly dads. I just kept my eyes locked on DDs and gave her what she needed, but part of me sure did wonder what other people were thinking. I've nursed in public all along, but after a year, I did suddenly start to think about it more, after a couple of comments from family (!).

Wish we didn't even have to give it a second thought!

01-21-2011 08:10 AM
shanniesue2

I was bringing a meal to a friend from church who had just had a baby and while I was at HER HOUSE, she pulled out a nurnsing cover to BF her brand new baby.  And we go to a church where it is just expected that women nurse their babies.  So it's not like it's looked down upon in our circle.  idk, I can sort of understand covering up to NIP (I did a few times in the beginning when we were still figuring it all out), but in your own home?

01-20-2011 10:21 AM
rightkindofme

Quote:
Originally Posted by fyrwmn View Post

to the mama who posted that she tandems in public...my hat is off to you! care to share some pointers on accomplishing that? i find that i can't be remotely discreet while tandeming. my nurslings are 2mo and 19mo.



I suppose it helps that I don't fret much about being discreet. ROTFLMAO.gif What I do is sit cross legged somewhere with good back support (against a tree or wall usually) then I put the baby in my lap (she's 4.5 months already! how did that happen?) and I latch her on.  Then my big kid (it is starting to feel weird to call her a toddler...) gently lays her head on the baby's lap and latches on to the other side.  Anyone who is looking at me can pretty clearly see what I'm doing, but the advantage of nursing a big kid is her head covers my whole chest. :)  There isn't any more skin showing than nursing one.  At home I prefer them both more in the 'football' hold because it is more comfortable for my back.  This Boppy has been worth every penny. :)

 

It helps that I have fairly large (E cup) breasts so I have a lot of room to work with on positioning the kids.

01-19-2011 04:00 PM
4myfinn

Quote:
Originally Posted by landgyrl View Post

Regarding the 'closet' comments for those nursing beyond one- how is it before one? Here in Alabama, women cover themselves up even in a room full of women. With new babies. I don't get it. (I'm from Canada).


I live in Oregon, where most women don't cover themselves and it is wonderful.  

 

To the OP, I have gotten similar criticism for nursing my 16 mo (who looks like he's 2).  I have told "friends" that "frankly, it's none of your business."  It seems to be the only way to shut them up.  It really upsets me.  I don't hassle them for formula feeding.  Why they feel justified in criticizing me for nursing is beyond me.  And it's not as if I'm even nursing in front of them- DS gets very distracted so we normally nurse in a quiet place (at home, in the car, etc.).

 

 

01-18-2011 07:07 PM
NEastMomma

So happy someone was there to pipe up for you!  It is hard to think of an appropriate comeback (be it snappy, polite, sublte, angry, mellow, whatever) when you're on the spot - at least for me it is.  Yay stranger!

01-18-2011 01:09 PM
Greenlea

Boy I wish I could have nursed that long.  My son weaned himself at 10 mths old when I got pregnant with #2.  I hope to nurse this baby for at least 2 years.  My mom nursed 3 of us until we were 2 and my brother until he was 3, so its pretty normal for me.  I have a friend who's pediatrician is helping her to get to age 4 with nursing her son.

01-18-2011 12:32 PM
Comtessa

I was recently at a public event with several family members, and in conversation I made a casual reference to nursing my 20-month-old (I'm also pg with #2).  My cousin's mouth dropped open and she sneered, "you aren't still nursing that kid, are you?  What are you going to do when the new baby arrives?"  I just shrugged and said, "I imagine that I'll let the new baby nurse first."  She looked at me like I'd grown a second head.  Nobody else said anything.  Then this lady at the table (that nobody really knew) chimed in and said, "what a lucky daughter you have!  I'd bet she's so healthy, growing up drinking your milk!"  And then everyone looked really uncomfortable and chimed in that, of course, it's a good idea to breastfeed and my daughter is so lucky. lol.gif I was so grateful to that random stranger for jumping in to defend me against members of my own family!!!   

01-18-2011 10:11 AM
fyrwmn

Quote:
Originally Posted by landgyrl View Post

Regarding the 'closet' comments for those nursing beyond one- how is it before one? Here in Alabama, women cover themselves up even in a room full of women. With new babies. I don't get it. (I'm from Canada).



i've yet to see more than 2 or 3 women nip around here, and even that has been with a cover. if dh is with me to assist with the older 2 kids, i nurse my younger nursling in public. if i'm alone with all 3 kids, i usually just nurse in the van before we go in as it's way easier and comfortable for me than trying to nurse and chase 2 older ones lol. i've never bothered with a cover though, and only recently bought my first piece of nursing clothing...a formal dress for a dinner/dancing evening dh and i are going to this weekend.

 

to the mama who posted that she tandems in public...my hat is off to you! care to share some pointers on accomplishing that? i find that i can't be remotely discreet while tandeming. my nurslings are 2mo and 19mo.

01-17-2011 01:20 PM
Pirogi

It's the same here in GA.

01-17-2011 01:06 PM
landgyrl

Regarding the 'closet' comments for those nursing beyond one- how is it before one? Here in Alabama, women cover themselves up even in a room full of women. With new babies. I don't get it. (I'm from Canada).

01-16-2011 03:56 AM
Lisa1970

Gee, if their wives are anything like them...I would nurse the baby another 10 years to avoid weekends with them! Uuggghhhh!

 

01-16-2011 03:41 AM
NEastMomma

What I find most interesting is that nursing out and about in public is not the issue for me, but rather it has been the unexpected "hostility" of so called friends when they find out about my nursing.  The two times it has happened to me, my baby was not even with me at that moment, so these folks didn't even see me nursing and yet they had such a viceral reaction.

 

I think the pp who said it was the over-sexualization of breasts here in our culture was spot on.  I recall my ped (who is super supportive of my nursing) warned me that pple might have issues with nursing beyond 1 for that very reason.  But like I said before (and like I already knew, but I like that the dr is so supportive), "If someone thinks you're weird for nursing, it is he who is the weird one, not you!  YOU are using your breasts for what they were intended for." 

 

Hugs to all of you!

01-15-2011 04:06 PM
rightkindofme

Ha!  I nurse my (fairly tall for her age 2.5 year old with the linguistic abilities of a 5 year old) daughter in public constantly. Lately I'm even tandem nursing in public.  No closet for me. :)

01-15-2011 10:07 AM
CrunchyMama74 This really strikes a nerve with me. My daughter is nearly 10 months old and I plan to let her nurse as long as she wants. All over this board, I see caring mothers who are following their hearts and selflessly nursing their babies past the dreaded one year mark, and they are (much) more often than not regarded as deviants by friends and family, to the point that they are forced into "the closet". It's infuriating that our bodies and breasts are so sexualized in our culture, to the point that the majority of people are uncomfortable with breasts being used for their intended purpose - to feed babies!
01-14-2011 11:01 PM
rightkindofme

Quote:
Originally Posted by bcblondie View Post

I would have said something about the global average age for weaning is like 4.5 years and really 17 months is way too young to wean.



That's not really accurate: http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html  But it sure makes an awesome come back. :)  I'm currently tandem nursing a 4.5 month old and a 32 month old so I think a 17 month old is definitely too young to push off the boob.  You know... uhm... if you as a mother are still comfortable with nursing.  Totally not hating on people who wean earlier than that. :) 

 

And my understanding is that if you formula feed it is best to do it for the full two years that a child would otherwise be given breastmilk as per the WHO.  There are still nutrients there that are very important and hard to get elsewhere.

01-12-2011 05:55 AM
autumnfairy76


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by hakeber View Post I might be tempted to say "Are there any other personal perceptions and squeamish repulsions of yours I should take into consideration when making health choices for my children?  Please let me get a pen and paper so I can make a note.  I really care what you think, and it's important to us both that we don't annoy YOU when raising our children."


OH my!!!!! That has to be the best comeback I've ever heard!! you rock! I hope can remember that (and have the guts to say it) if I ever needed to.

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by shanniesue2 View Post

I had a very similar conversation with an ER doctor who was treating DS for pnuemonia (DS was 11 mos at the time).  He was trying to get me to give DS some pedialyte.  I said that we had been nursing very frequently and that I knew that BM was the best fluid DS could get when he was sick.  He said that it diddn't have electrolytes and then he said something about nursing not really being as important for DS at that age and I said that WHO recs 2 years.  His response was something like, "that's mostly for poor countries who don't have good access to formula"   I couldn't believe he said that, I put my foot down and said that we wouldn't be giving him the pedialyte.  He left... and later came back and apologized to me.  When he apologized he said that he felt really awful because "we doctors are always trying to get women to breastfeed, and here is someone who is really dedicated to it and I go and say that."  Then he admitted that he hadn't known about the WHO recs.

wow! at least he admitted he was getting it all wrong.


 

01-11-2011 07:07 PM
shanniesue2

Quote:
Originally Posted by autumnfairy76 View Post

Brava, OP and to your DH. You handled it very well. Sorry you had to deal w/ that.

I, too, thought that WHO recommendation to BF 2 years would make a good comeback when FIL started in questioning on my nursing FOUR mo DD. His reply was: "Oh, you know why they say that? It isn't for us, it's for birth control in developing nations."  irked.gif I was super irritated but didn't know how to respond.


I had a very similar conversation with an ER doctor who was treating DS for pnuemonia (DS was 11 mos at the time).  He was trying to get me to give DS some pedialyte.  I said that we had been nursing very frequently and that I knew that BM was the best fluid DS could get when he was sick.  He said that it diddn't have electrolytes and then he said something about nursing not really being as important for DS at that age and I said that WHO recs 2 years.  His response was something like, "that's mostly for poor countries who don't have good access to formula"   I couldn't believe he said that, I put my foot down and said that we wouldn't be giving him the pedialyte.  He left... and later came back and apologized to me.  When he apologized he said that he felt really awful because "we doctors are always trying to get women to breastfeed, and here is someone who is really dedicated to it and I go and say that."  Then he admitted that he hadn't known about the WHO recs.

01-11-2011 03:59 PM
hakeber


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by StopThat! View Post

'the World Health Organization recommends nursing until AT LEAST age 2' 

 

This is what I usually say.  It helps turn the gobsmacked looks of disbelief when I tell people that I nursed Benjamin to about 3 yo.  I also find that when I out myself as an extended nurser, other closet nursers will come forward and admit they nursed in private until 2 or 3 themselves. 

 

It is a sad fact that much of western pop culture tells us boobs are primarily for the sexual pleasure of men rather than first a source of food, second a source of sexual pleasure for some women and LAST sexually atractive to men.  I might be tempted to say "Are there any other personal perceptions and squeamish repulsions of yours I should take into consideration when making health choices for my children?  Please let me get a pen and paper so I can make a note.  I really care what you think, and it's important to us both that we don't annoy YOU when raising our children."

01-11-2011 08:17 AM
autumnfairy76

Brava, OP and to your DH. You handled it very well. Sorry you had to deal w/ that.

I, too, thought that WHO recommendation to BF 2 years would make a good comeback when FIL started in questioning on my nursing FOUR mo DD. His reply was: "Oh, you know why they say that? It isn't for us, it's for birth control in developing nations."  irked.gif I was super irritated but didn't know how to respond.

01-10-2011 11:31 AM
Lamashtu

I LOVE your DH's reaction.  Very levelheaded and got the point across VERY well :)

 

As far as breastfeeding your toddler, you keep doing what you're doing for as long as you (and your child) want to keep doing it!  Who knows, maybe you'll inspire some other new mother to join you ahead of the curve!

01-07-2011 08:17 PM
NEastMomma

Thanks everyone.  Loving the support! 


DH wrote something like, "while I wasn't there to witness what happened, I know my wife felt attacked.  Frankly, I'm shocked at you - if anyone even hinted at disapproval of your parenting (or your wife's), you would react very harshly." 

 

I know these aren't crazy, mean words, but the very formal tone of the email and the wording is just.... I can tell, and I'm SURE the drunkie can tell that DH was/is p*ssed.  . 

 

I don't have to worry about seeing them again for quite a while - in all likelyhood I will not see them until the summer, and then only once.  Thankfully, we do see the host and hostess often and they're the ones who tried their best to defend me - or really the hostess did. 

 

I totally agree that they have these thoughts when sober.  But - at least they probably would've kept stupid judgements to themselves when sober.  I am learning that bfing this "long" at 17mos is not really the norm among my set.  People are super, super supportive of nursing a little baby and even until 1, but seems like they get freaked out after that.  I like to think of myself, and pretty much ALL OF US here on this forum as AHEAD OF THE CURVE (or really, getting back to basics, as it were) and others are just not there yet, right?  Someone's gotta be the trailblazer! 

 

01-07-2011 05:41 AM
Pirogi



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by NEastMomma View Post

PS: Love hearing that mamas nursed their little ones/still are nursing well past the dreaded "1 year mark," haha. 



 DD has been nursing for 3.5 years.  I am 9 mos pregnant, so the last several months has been "only" colostrum smile.gif but she will probably continue and tandem after the birth.  We will wean when she is ready.  Don't let the drunk buffoons get to you.  And kudos on your composure!

01-07-2011 05:27 AM
2xy

I don't think alcohol is an excuse. People who say ugly things when they're drunk think ugly things when they're sober. The sentiment is there, regardless. Mean-spirited, bullying a-holes, if you ask me. I wouldn't spend time with them again.

01-07-2011 05:08 AM
Lamashtu
Quote:
Originally Posted by NEastMomma View Post

My DH wrote a great reply to the apology email.  He's a man of few words, so I didn't realize just how p-o'd he was about it until he forwarded me what he wrote back to his friend.  

 

Hey now, you can't just tell us something like that without giving us a hint about what your DH wrote! mischievous.gif

01-06-2011 08:11 PM
Pookietooth

Do they know how long the World Health Organization recommends we breast feed? I would imagine that it wouldn't make any difference but still they don't have any real facts about weaning to back them up. Sigh. (((hugs))) to you mama.


01-06-2011 05:11 PM
landgyrl

Quote:
Originally Posted by StopThat! View Post

 

My standard come back is 'studies say that children who are nursed until age two are of average intelligence'. Then I'll ask how long they were nursed for, etc... usually works well. Also, knowing facts like 'the World Health Organization recommends nursing until AT LEAST age 2' makes you feel more powerful!


I also use health studies to throw at ignorant disclaimers, my latest find is that every additional month i bf (DS is almost 2) reduces my chances of developing diabetes. I had gestational diabetes and am right in line to get it with family history, so that shuts them up pretty quick. I also wasn't bf so I don't have much family support/ understanding but drunk men - you handled it superbly and if they feel bad about it afterwards, good!


 

01-05-2011 02:07 AM
babygirlie

What a way to alienate and make a good time a very bad time :(

 

For the record I formula feed my 20m old... happily. :/

01-05-2011 12:20 AM
shotmama

wow! good thing they apologized!!!

 

DD is only 14 months, and i can't imagine weaning any. time. soon.

 

even though i've been told, 'if they're old enough to talk about it, then you shouldn't be doing it.'

 

eerrrrrrrrr hoookay.

 

but you know, it all depends on the mama. like if the mama is not comfortable with that, that's okay. but me, i just don't get it. 

01-04-2011 07:26 PM
NEastMomma

Ahh, thanks all!  I really appreciate your replies - they made me laugh.

 

To answer the question, Beavis & Butthead are not young  - at mid to late 30's there's no hope for 'em!  My DH wrote a great reply to the apology email.  He's a man of few words, so I didn't realize just how p-o'd he was about it until he forwarded me what he wrote back to his friend. 

 

The silver lining is the wonderful show of support I've rec'vd from my sisters and friends and of course, here on MDC! 

Thank you again!

PS: Love hearing that mamas nursed their little ones/still are nursing well past the dreaded "1 year mark," haha. 

01-04-2011 08:25 AM
Annie Mac

All I could think of when I read this was Beavis and Butthead saying "boobies, heh heh heh, boobies." Only they couldn't say that, so they started in on the breastfeeding instead. I'm glad you got an apology. Are these guys young? I hope so...then there is some hope for them.

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