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  Topic Review (Newest First)
12-08-2012 10:31 AM
TinyFrog

I was formerly water addict.  :)
 

12-05-2012 10:44 AM
charliemae
Quote:

Originally Posted by TinyFrog View Post

 

Congratulations on your wedding and baby CharlieMae!  How do you like being a mama?  What else is going on with you?  Last I heard from you, you had just finished school.  Are you still teaching?

Thanks!  I am loving it!  He is such a joy.  The readers digest version of updates on me: Finished school, taught kindergarten, got married, bought a house, taught first grade, had a baby!, and now I am a SAHM. 

12-03-2012 06:34 PM
TwilightJoy I'm so sorry TinyFrog- but I'm struggling to remember you from our past threads! Did you used to have a different name?
Quote:
Originally Posted by TinyFrog View Post

Congratulations TJ!  How is the pregnancy going?  Tell us your plans.  orngbiggrin.gif

Thank you! Pregnancy is going well. I've wanted a baby for so long, I'm loving that I'm finally pregnant. It's so fun to wear maternity clothes and watch my bump grow. We've registered, so I'm excited to start receiving presents for the baby!

I'm planning on a hospital birth with a doula. Cloth diapering, baby wearing, and breastfeeding.
12-02-2012 09:40 PM
TinyFrog

:wave

I haven't posted to MDC in ages, funny that I came back here when this thread popped back up.

 

Congratulations on your wedding and baby CharlieMae!  How do you like being a mama?  What else is going on with you?  Last I heard from you, you had just finished school.  Are you still teaching?

 

Congratulations TJ!  How is the pregnancy going?  Tell us your plans.  :D

 

 

DD is about 20 months now.  She's a crazy climber monkey but a sweetie.  She still nurses quite a bit, day and night.

12-02-2012 05:59 PM
~Shanna~

Hi Charliemae, welcome back!  Or I guess it's me that's "back".....
 

12-02-2012 05:26 PM
charliemae wave.gif I'm still around. My 4mo just cut his first tooth, crazy.
11-30-2012 10:15 AM
~Shanna~

I did delete it. And then I came back because I couldn't manage business accounts without it. They just creeped me out. I'm more used to them being creepy now, but it's been tough :-)

You'll find me again as Shantana Goerge, but I don't approve friend requests - I get addicted to the newsfeed. My kids go hungry and I just sit their, spaced out on FB. It's awful :-)

 

My company page is on there at Mothering Ourselves, but it's not personal stuff, just sharing articles that parents might like.
 

11-29-2012 04:08 PM
TwilightJoy Shanna did you delete your facebook? I looked for you today and couldn't find you.
11-29-2012 12:11 PM
~Shanna~

Double-post

11-29-2012 12:08 PM
~Shanna~

Twilight Joy is having a baby!  You can be loved in here now :-)

Maela, its so other-worldly to hear about your little ones.  We're homeschooling too, but I don't know if we'll continue next year.  It's going really well, I love being able to give Fenton the space that he needs that I don't think he'd get in a traditional setting.
 

11-27-2012 05:57 PM
TwilightJoy Yes yes yes I'm still here!!! And in about 6 months I'll be able to officially be loved in this thread! joy.gif
11-27-2012 05:24 PM
Maela

How in the world do I change my signature?  It's a little outdated...

 

 

Maev is now 5 and we're homeschooling through a local charter that is SO awesome.  

 

Jaim is 3 and a bit challenging.  Very aggressive, but also very cuddly with a fantastic sense of humor.

11-27-2012 05:21 PM
Maela

I got an update via email that you posted Shanna!  Otherwise I don't spend much time here anymore.  Sometimes I'll visit the homeschooling forum here.

 

I'll come back every time I get an update that one of you posts though!  

 

How are you??

11-26-2012 06:48 PM
~Shanna~

Is anyone in here anymore? I miss you ladies flowersforyou.gif
 

07-25-2011 05:12 PM
accountclosed3

.

07-25-2011 08:55 AM
Maela

It's so nice to see you all posting again!  I like FB, but there are some things that I feel like I don't want to talk about there where all my friends and family can see it too.  I guess we always have that NMY grad group we made, but no one uses it!  I haven't been coming here too much, just been waiting for the email updates.  I've been spending more time at a secular homeschooling forum.  I can't believe my dd is going to be kindergarten age next year!

 

 

Things have been pretty good here.  Our trip was lots of fun.  Hard at first (being alone 24/7 with two small children trying to see museums and such), but by the end Dh and I agreed that we didn't really want to go home!  

 

Jaim is talking so much lately!  It's so fun.  He's underwear now, but has about one pee accident a day.  Nightweaning is going okay.  He's not nursing during the night, but he wakes up sometime between 3AM and 5AM wanting to nurse, and gets really upset if he can't.  I'm trying to push it to 5:30AM.  I'd like to cut it down to just two times a day by October when he turns two.  He spent the night for the first time at his grandparents the other night.  happytears.gif  

 

Maev is FOUR!!  We're still having problems with tantrums, not big ones - they're short, but intense.  She will even try to bite us.  Most things I read say that kids stop doing stuff like this by four, so I do get a little concerned sometimes.  She's doing great otherwise.  She's reading short sentences and likes to "practice reading" with me.  She loves it when I ask her math questions (2+4, etc.).  She's having so much fun with her cousins living here now.  One of her cousins also just turned four, and they are like best friends.  They're so cute together.  

 

 

Oh, and we are definitely done after two kids.  We're happy.  

07-24-2011 08:15 PM
cking

i finally got an update!  i haven't been checking in much and my inbox is out of control.

 

Shanna, I feel you on the potty training.  We are still struggling.  And naps for the little guy don't really exist. 

 

zb, I appreciated your post too.  I finally just saw it this week.

 

 

 

 

 

Quote:
It's confusing to feel as though someone may be missing from the family, yet feel as though perhaps life it stabilizing into something that may be sustainable.

yes!  I feel this too.  At any rate, we're giving it some more time.  But sometimes it just feels like this is just right and probably better for all of us.  (but then, as the youngest of a very large family myself, i can't help but wonder...)

07-23-2011 05:54 PM
~Shanna~


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by zoebird View Post

having read a few pages now. . . :) *hugs to everyone* looks like struggles abound, and when I'm struggling, I withdraw. Perhaps that's not helpful to the rest of you, but even when I'm in my little cave trying to make things work, I *do* still think of you all. :)

 

In re: marriage:

 

After the birth, I felt like my marriage and my whole family went completely wonky. Nothing made any sense, so all I did was focus on Hawk. Seriously, I mostly mothered -- I think because it was the only thing that I felt really good at. I tried to keep myself from being isolated, but that first year was rough.

 

Everything that a marriage can tolerate within it when there isn't a child, it cannot tolerate once there is. I knew DH was needy and anxious. I knew -- at some level -- that I mothered him. I knew that he wanted that. I knew it wasn't healthy. For some reason, I figured it would manage itself. Instead, when my mothering was properly channeled, DH felt abandoned, and that kicked up *all* of his anxiety and rage about his own mother and the issues inherent. 

 

This anxiety hit a fever pitch (even leading to a massive panic attack that sent him to the hospital) by the time hawk was 3 months old. I'd compltely shut Ryan out about 6 weeks into Hawk's life. He was constantly picking fights with me and constantly complaining about everything. I was hardly keeping it together between the pressures of learning to mother, handling his aggression, and then handling the incredible strangeness of my family and my deeper invisibility (eg, how everyone said hawk looked just like ryan or was just like my sister -- to name a particularly weird one). 

 

So, I had to do something. I basically shut him out, and then resented him for having to do so. 

 

It wasn't until fall of 2009 (northern hemisphere fall) that i was able to even look back and see what happened. I approached Ryan, and he was -- thankfully -- already in counseling. We were heading toward moving to NZ, and a new pile of effort and strain on us, but it has brought us closer.

 

DH has learned to not need me to mother him. I have to work hard to not rescue him either. I do snap at him a fair bit still, largely when I feel he isn't taking responsibility.

 

Our sort of second big-issue cropped up in Spring 2010 (southern hemisphere spring), wherein the stress was high and Ryan wasn't managing it well. He revered back to picking fights and complaining, and then he and hawk would "spin out" -- hawk would get very physical with Ryan, and ryan would freak out, yell, and scare Hawk. This is -- of course -- when I wasn't there, and hawk would tell me later that daddy was scary and I would ask ryan about it and he would explain what happened.

 

I got help in the form of parent counseling through our playgroup leader. She was really good at explaining things, and it was really great for us. Ryan was able to utilize the techniques (that I use and have used the whole time -- and kept explaining to him, but he'd go "no! ou don't understand!" and so on), and got good results. We got everyone on a strong rhythm, and moved forward. 

 

Now, we are several months out and did a move into a new house. The stress and anxiety has kicked up for ryan again, and so he was very stressed about having to take care of hawk and they got back into scraps. I had to remind him to read the articles, and he has finally done so. I explain over and over how it works. Ryan says 'he just doesn't misbehave around you." and I tell him it's because *i'm* not misbehaving. If i am calm and everything is ok, then everything is ok and hawk goes along. If you are not calm, then Hawk is not calm and he acts out exacty what you (and therefore he) is feeling.

 

I don't know why Ryan is so slow to get this, but I guess that's his path.

 

It's taken a lot of work over the last 1.5 years to really get our relationship back in order. Our business is humming along, and everything is going very well on that end. We have a nice home and lots of good friends. It's a really nice lifestyle overall. We are quite happy with the whole process.

 

But, we are still working on it.

 

And people ask us when we'll have another child. I realized about a year ago that I had to choose: Ryan or more children. I chose Ryan. I just don't think he could handle having any more children. We talked about it at length, and he agrees. He wants to hold out the idea that perhaps in 2 years or so, we might feel more ready, but then he admits that he doesn't want to go through that first 3 years again -- because it's so intensive and it takes a lot of time and effort. And he wants to focus on his career and the way he wants his life to go (with us, of course).

 

I think I realized this before he did, but we think it's the right answer. I don't feel it's right to put that level of pressure on our family, even though it would be nice to have more children. It is also great with just the three of us, too -- and we are happy.

 

I feel like we are finally back on track -- and it feels nice to be in that place.

 

But yes, i was quite sure that having a baby was going to do us in.

 

Thanks for sharing this ZB - your candor and vulnerability is so appreciated, especially on this issue where, when it's discussed as all, it's with a laugh at how disconnected our marriages are while raising kids. My path has been different, yet the same. It's confusing to feel as though someone may be missing from the family, yet feel as though perhaps life it stabilizing into something that may be sustainable. I've been curious lately about if there are ways I might make parenting harder than it needs to be.
 

 

07-23-2011 05:27 PM
accountclosed3

not so much. i think everyone moved to FB. are you there?

07-23-2011 05:21 PM
~Shanna~

Is anyone out there anymore? Help, I'm trapped in hour 2 of getting Reece to sleep! surrender.gif and year 3 of potty-training Fenton, but that's a longer post....)

06-08-2011 10:10 PM
accountclosed3

having read a few pages now. . . :) *hugs to everyone* looks like struggles abound, and when I'm struggling, I withdraw. Perhaps that's not helpful to the rest of you, but even when I'm in my little cave trying to make things work, I *do* still think of you all. :)

 

In re: marriage:

 

After the birth, I felt like my marriage and my whole family went completely wonky. Nothing made any sense, so all I did was focus on Hawk. Seriously, I mostly mothered -- I think because it was the only thing that I felt really good at. I tried to keep myself from being isolated, but that first year was rough.

 

Everything that a marriage can tolerate within it when there isn't a child, it cannot tolerate once there is. I knew DH was needy and anxious. I knew -- at some level -- that I mothered him. I knew that he wanted that. I knew it wasn't healthy. For some reason, I figured it would manage itself. Instead, when my mothering was properly channeled, DH felt abandoned, and that kicked up *all* of his anxiety and rage about his own mother and the issues inherent. 

 

This anxiety hit a fever pitch (even leading to a massive panic attack that sent him to the hospital) by the time hawk was 3 months old. I'd compltely shut Ryan out about 6 weeks into Hawk's life. He was constantly picking fights with me and constantly complaining about everything. I was hardly keeping it together between the pressures of learning to mother, handling his aggression, and then handling the incredible strangeness of my family and my deeper invisibility (eg, how everyone said hawk looked just like ryan or was just like my sister -- to name a particularly weird one). 

 

So, I had to do something. I basically shut him out, and then resented him for having to do so. 

 

It wasn't until fall of 2009 (northern hemisphere fall) that i was able to even look back and see what happened. I approached Ryan, and he was -- thankfully -- already in counseling. We were heading toward moving to NZ, and a new pile of effort and strain on us, but it has brought us closer.

 

DH has learned to not need me to mother him. I have to work hard to not rescue him either. I do snap at him a fair bit still, largely when I feel he isn't taking responsibility.

 

Our sort of second big-issue cropped up in Spring 2010 (southern hemisphere spring), wherein the stress was high and Ryan wasn't managing it well. He revered back to picking fights and complaining, and then he and hawk would "spin out" -- hawk would get very physical with Ryan, and ryan would freak out, yell, and scare Hawk. This is -- of course -- when I wasn't there, and hawk would tell me later that daddy was scary and I would ask ryan about it and he would explain what happened.

 

I got help in the form of parent counseling through our playgroup leader. She was really good at explaining things, and it was really great for us. Ryan was able to utilize the techniques (that I use and have used the whole time -- and kept explaining to him, but he'd go "no! ou don't understand!" and so on), and got good results. We got everyone on a strong rhythm, and moved forward. 

 

Now, we are several months out and did a move into a new house. The stress and anxiety has kicked up for ryan again, and so he was very stressed about having to take care of hawk and they got back into scraps. I had to remind him to read the articles, and he has finally done so. I explain over and over how it works. Ryan says 'he just doesn't misbehave around you." and I tell him it's because *i'm* not misbehaving. If i am calm and everything is ok, then everything is ok and hawk goes along. If you are not calm, then Hawk is not calm and he acts out exacty what you (and therefore he) is feeling.

 

I don't know why Ryan is so slow to get this, but I guess that's his path.

 

It's taken a lot of work over the last 1.5 years to really get our relationship back in order. Our business is humming along, and everything is going very well on that end. We have a nice home and lots of good friends. It's a really nice lifestyle overall. We are quite happy with the whole process.

 

But, we are still working on it.

 

And people ask us when we'll have another child. I realized about a year ago that I had to choose: Ryan or more children. I chose Ryan. I just don't think he could handle having any more children. We talked about it at length, and he agrees. He wants to hold out the idea that perhaps in 2 years or so, we might feel more ready, but then he admits that he doesn't want to go through that first 3 years again -- because it's so intensive and it takes a lot of time and effort. And he wants to focus on his career and the way he wants his life to go (with us, of course).

 

I think I realized this before he did, but we think it's the right answer. I don't feel it's right to put that level of pressure on our family, even though it would be nice to have more children. It is also great with just the three of us, too -- and we are happy.

 

I feel like we are finally back on track -- and it feels nice to be in that place.

 

But yes, i was quite sure that having a baby was going to do us in.

 

06-08-2011 09:34 PM
accountclosed3

so, it's been a long time since I have visited, but I do think about you all often. I'm pretty sure i'm on FB with many of you, but can't connect the names to the handles (but I do recognize the baby-faces!). :D

 

had an MDC break, and other mothering-related boards break, largely because I was working and also because i was questioning my process. Not so much with mothering. Apparently you do that for about 75 years. I just mean looking at whether or not this sort of board was serving my needs. :)

 

we have basically decided not to have any more children, and while I love that birthing/baby stuff, it's really not my focus now that I have a busy nearly 3 yr old kiddo on my hands. And, I feel that I have a handle on what he needs and am in a good flow of mothering with him, so I wasn't sure what I might need to talk about on here. :) turns out it's decluttering and minimalism. Even though I feel all kinds of decadent with a table AND a day bed AND two chairs AND a bench. Oooh man, living it up with my STUFF. :D

 

Ok, cute story, and then I"ll start reading all of your posts again. :)

 

We moved to seatoun, and it's awesome, and hawk makes so many friends because every where we go, and everyone we see, he greets with "Hi Friend! We just moved to Seatoun! My name is Hawk! What is your name?!" It's adorable. He made our landlady "cup cakes" -- shells filled with mud. Luckily, she's a grandma, so she's used to these sorts of things. :D

 

05-09-2011 04:22 PM
Maela

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Shanna~ View Post

I wanted to come to share with all of you a project I've been working on for the past couple of weeks, an internet commercial for my birth classes. I'm really proud of it :-)

http://www.motheringourselves.com/blog/



Beautiful!!  I think it's great Shanna!  Nice website too.  

05-08-2011 07:16 AM
TwilightJoy

Happy Mother's Day to all the grads!  love.gif

 

To the NMY- your time is coming!  upsidedown.gif

04-25-2011 05:09 PM
~Shanna~

Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone. The day off was.....rotten, and a reminder that when you're a parent, any day can bring vomiting and intensive parenting.  But the day after was....blissful. Fenton was still sick, so DH suggested that he take Reece out to our planned outing while I stayed home with Fenton. So we cozied up on the couch, eating popcorn and watching Tangled, a movie we BOTH wanted to see. I got a glimpse into how your children start to become companions and friends.  It was really, really nice.

 

So nice to come and check in with all of you today. Today has been rough, my mother's train-wreckiness has reached a pinnacle and my sister and I have been given control of her finances, and we're discussing provisions for one of us to have Power of Attorney.  It's striking to me what a reprieve it is when we're young and we aren't caretaking anyone else but ourselves. It seems that my days of parenting my children are converging with parenting my parents, and it feels exhausting, odd....and a titch resentful. 

 

 

I wanted to come to share with all of you a project I've been working on for the past couple of weeks, an internet commercial for my birth classes. I'm really proud of it :-)

http://www.motheringourselves.com/blog/

04-21-2011 09:49 PM
Maela

Discipline has been going a lot better in the last week.  I've just started going with what feels right to me instead of trying to do it perfectly according to all the books.  I haven't yelled in four days!  It was getting to the point where I was blowing up at DD a couple of times every day.  greensad.gif    I'm really working on staying calm and just going with my gut.  We have been using time outs (not locking her in her room or anything), but it's worth it to me to not be yelling/losing my temper all the time.  And she's been doing so much better, and she seems happier!  I've been trying for the last year to not use punishment/rewards/timeouts, and I feel like all I did was become a meaner mama.  greensad.gif Things just got so out of control.  So I know it works for a lot of moms, but I just had to realize that different strategies work for different families/kids.  Anyway, I'm feeling a lot more confident in my parenting skills lately, and I'm a happier mama. orngbiggrin.gif

 

 

Cking, DS has also recently become a huge climber.  He likes to climb on our dining room chairs, which are the bar stool height kind.  It's fine with me as long as he doesn't stand or get on the table.  Makes me so nervous though!  

 

 

Really looking forward to nightweaning DS!!  Right now he's getting four new teeth (3 of them are molars) all at once.  He really needs his middle of the night nursings, poor thing!  So probably in a couple of months - he'll be about 20-21 months.  

 

 

I still have not gotten my period back - 18 months pp.  I was 17 months pp when I ovulated (and got pg) after Maev was born.  So it should be soon...  I don't know why I'm looking forward to it, I should be happy I don't have to deal with it for now...

 

 

 

ETA:  Happy Birthday Shanna!

04-17-2011 01:27 PM
cking

Another belated Happy Birthday to Shanna!

 

And Maela, I'm also sorry I didn't respond.  :hug  I'm sorry you felt like a failure of a mom.  I can empathize - we certainly go through similar periods.  It's hard, isn't it, to finally feel like we've got a handle on things only to have them throw us for a loop.

 

a few weeks ago, Josephine figured out that she could push a chair or stool anywhere she wanted and be able to reach anything.  (she's even trying to climb the kitchen cabinet shelves).  And the same week, Nicholas learned to climb onto chairs, sofa and step stools.  Seems like two minor things, but happening all at once and I'm having trouble keeping them both out of trouble.  

 

Also, she slams doors all.the.time.  Not sure how to handle that - I bought some childproofing device that is supposed to keep doors from closing - it's a piece of foam - but I can just see it causing damage to the doors and jambs.  sigh.

04-16-2011 04:31 PM
MujerMamaMismo Oh Maela...your last post was over a week ago. I'm sorry no one was around to give you the love and reassurance you needed. How are you going now?

And joy.gif:joy:joy:joy:joy:joy:joy to Steph! Lovely news over on facebook the other day! Congratulations. I hope your babymoon is wonderful and I can't wait to hear about the birth.

Things are going much better here. I'm reluctantly weaning DS - we dropped his morning feed this week and will stick with just his bedtime feed until the time seems right. It's so bittersweet.

And we're gearing up to TTC #2 for real. I'm no longer feeling ambivalent about it and am just excited. It'll prob be a few more months before we get started as I want to get a few more health things in order and then it may take a while, as it did with DS, so I'm trying not to imagine how it will look...but it feels very right, now!

And Happy Birthday to Shanna for the other day. I forgot we were both Aries. No wonder I like you so much!

How is everyone?

xx

04-07-2011 10:00 PM
Maela

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Shanna~ View Post

LOL

Sihaya, I'm picturing your DH as "your man". He's in a bikini, bringing you a beer. 



This made me laugh out loud.  lol.gif

 

 

 

 

Horrible, horrible parenting day today. greensad.gif  I yelled, I cried...  Dh is in the kids' bedroom right now working on getting the kids to sleep because I was about to go crazy.  We're going through another rough patch with both kids.  Maev has been hitting us lately.  Yesterday she threw a toy at Jaim's head.  confused.gif jaw2.gif  And Jaim loves his big sister so much that he is copying everything she does - nice and not so nice.  He also has not been sleeping as well as usual, and he's it's been unusually rough getting him down at night.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  Dh reminded me that we go through times like this every so often.  Times when we have to change our routines or strategies because  the kids are changing and things just aren't working anymore.  But it still doesn't change the fact that I feel like a failure of a mom right now.  greensad.gif  I've read so many parenting books, I'm really tired of them now.  They're all conflicting, and they make me doubt myself.  Anyway, just had to come here to complain...

04-07-2011 01:55 PM
~Shanna~

LOL

Sihaya, I'm picturing your DH as "your man". He's in a bikini, bringing you a beer. 

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