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  Topic Review (Newest First)
06-26-2014 04:23 PM
apeydef Michigan which was one of the states that was not supported by law has just passed a law protecting breastfeeding mothers. So now it's up to 46 states!
06-26-2014 03:26 PM
IdentityCrisisMama Welcome to Mothering, JP. It has been many moons since anyone harassed me for breastfeeding but when it happened to me I found a good deal of satisfaction from writing to management. Unfortunately, (and as you know all too well) there are people out there in the world who just don't know the law (or have decorum) A letter to the management may help to educate the staff.
06-26-2014 02:06 PM
jakpen
Bad Decorum at Oakland's Mt View Cemetery

Oakland's Mountain View Cemetery is really beautiful and I get together with other mothers to walk the grounds regularly. Unfortunately, yesterday, we were harassed by their staff (of course a male) who was offended with one of the mothers feeding her baby in public.

She was even covered up, but his reasoning (yea right!!) was that if someone who lost their baby saw this, how would they feel??

My question to him, then maybe a mother shouldn't take a bench to give a sandwich to a 2 year old or lunch to a grandmother, because what if someone came along that had lost one of them??!

His response, "she should have some decorum!"

Decorum sir!!?!

Feeding your hungry child is not behavior in keeping with good taste, etiquette or decency!??!!!

It was him who was not having decorum; to harass a protected class, which in California, breastfeeding mothers are a part of!

So according to California Civil Code § 43-53. 1997 Section 43.3 of the Civil Code:

43.3. Notwithstanding any other provision of law, a mother may breastfeed her child in any location, public or private, except the private home or residence of another, where the mother and the child are otherwise authorized to be present.

So without having a designated breastfeeding area, this man telling this mother to move was illegal and him questioning her decency for doing so was insulting!!

Mount View Cemetery, maybe your staff needs to be informed about the law, before any future insult of this type leads to legal injury for you!

Mothers feeding your hungry babies in public, maybe we should keep the video recorders on our phones on when we do, so that next time we can send a viral message to educate men like this that get jealous over babies having access to the womanly parts that they covet!
03-25-2014 04:11 PM
Tiffa

My baby is only four months and I love breastfeeding. :) It's so easy. I feel more awkward nursing in front of friends and relatives than I do in front of strangers. I don't care at all what strangers think of me, and no one has ever said anything. But if relatives feel weird about it they are more likely to let you know, even if they are trying to be sensitive. The first time I nursed in public was in a restaurant. We were with a cousin and his wife, the cousin being raised in a non-breastfeeding home, but his wife very open to it. Everyone seemed to think I was headed to the bathroom and my husband picked up the diaper bag and pointed the restroom out to me. I said "I am NOT feeding my baby in the bathroom", and sat down on the edge of the booth so I would have more elbow room. My husband helped hold the blanket while I got the baby latched on. He doesn't usually do that, but it was a tight space, and the baby was extra mad. If I can help it I would rather not flash my boob to the entire room. His cousin made a comment after a while about how he hadn't realized how long it takes. Glad I could be a good example for him and help his wife out.

 

There was another time I was at the mall with my MIL. When the baby was ready to eat she suggested I go in the dressing room in a store. But I let her know I was fine just sitting on the bench where we were. She was fine with that, but it's strange that people assume you want to hide. Whenever I have gone and "hid" somewhere to feed my baby it has made me feel ashamed. I don't like to feel that way! I know there is nothing to be ashamed of and I now enjoy feeding my baby wherever I happen to be when he is hungry. It makes life easier and happier. 

 

I don't use nursing covers either. They are like a sign that says "my boob is out under here!". I am discreet though. Most of the time people just think I am snuggling my sleeping baby, and I have had to warn a few people that he is eating when they come up to take a peek at him. :) It's funny to see them blush and divert their eyes,

03-24-2014 09:33 PM
unuselyriver

and i have never had a problem bf in public myself too

12-09-2013 09:15 PM
apeydef I've never had a problem with anyone saying anything to me!
12-06-2013 02:22 PM
cynthiamoon joy.gif

I am going in 4 months of no problems nursing in public! At least not from other people. I have blushed once or twice at a nip slip that's happened because my daughter pulled away quickly before I could slide my shirt down.
10-04-2013 08:28 PM
CocoBird

I've only been breastfeeding for three months, but I've never had a problem and I've breastfed in public lots and lots of times. Of course, I live in Eugene, OR, the friendliest most accepting town ever. I even have women who I don't know walk up and talk to my baby while she's nursing, like it's the most comfortable thing in the world. ("Oh are you getting a little snacky snack to hold you over?" she smiles and coos, then continues nursing.) At first I tried to use a light blanket to cover while nursing, but after a couple weeks, I decided that was silly and unnecessary and only made it harder. I now just wear loose shirts and pull up or down depending on the shirt, and it is easy as pie. No awkwardness. If it makes anyone else uncomfortable, I haven't noticed...maybe a few men who purposely avoid looking, but that's okay. One friend who blushed a little the first time I whipped out the boob by them, but got over it quickly. lol.

10-02-2013 08:49 AM
dancingflower I've been nursing for almost 4 years now. In public, being discreet most of the time. But when I had no other choice, if I chose the wrong top or forgot my scarf.. baby's gotta eat, and I never had a problem.

I must confess I started to cut public sessions when my DS1 was about a year and a half. But that was only because by then, we had a pretty set routine and because DS1 was totally fine with that, if he wasn't, I would continue. But even after that, when I had to nurse him out , I did, like last week when I nursed my 3.5 son sitting under a far away tree in a public park because the baby was away with grandma and I was getting engorged.

It is so necessary to speak about our positive experiences in nursing in public. I have never had any looks or confrontation but I always felt it was hard to brush off that self conscious feeling and I think this is because I have read, in forums, so much fuss about how problematic it is to nurse in public. Yes, this notion is pretty much blown by ourselves, I believe.

I visited my country when DS1 was almost two. We were out everyday, all day and feeding him was not easy, so I nursed him away during the trip to maintain a happy LO. I did it always in public, and it felt so good. If anyone there gets shocked, I'm not sure, i believe the breastfeeding culture is a lil stronger there. But I breastfed a toddler in public without restraints or embarrassment because it was my land, my rules. I am starting to feel this way in the US.

Today, with DS2, (7mo now) I decided to not even bother an inch. It's a natural thing. If anyone out there, has a problem with it, it's clearly their problem because we all know it is not a problem at all.

I hope I don't have to nurse my toddler in any busy public environment but the day my child needs it ... Baby's gotta eat.
09-29-2013 11:08 AM
lschwingel

I have an 8 month old and nurse whenever & wherever and no problems :) 

09-28-2013 01:19 PM
BushMama83 I've nursed in fancy restaurants, public parks, shopping malls, on the beach, on a bus....pretty much anywhere my son desires, and I've never had a problem! Recently, in an airport, and an older lady sat down beside me. She scolded me for the fact that my 2 year old was still in diapers, but when he asked to nurse, she smiled and said I was doing it "old-fashioned". She definitely approved of that!
09-25-2013 07:57 AM
Lactofairy

I have never had a negative encounter in public.  I nursed my first for 18 months, my second for over 3 years and my third is currently almost 2.  I have nursed everywhere from a mall, restaurants, at my older kids sports lessons, etc.  I never use a cover, but do try to wear clothing to minimize full breast exposure.

09-22-2013 07:56 AM
heldt123

I never had any real problems nursing in public either, with 4 years of nursing so far. I don't cover, I just use tanks so no one sees anything anyway.  There was one time I was visiting a new church, and the nursery paged me.  I nursed my baby in the empty hallway, and during that time I had two people stop and tell me where the nursing room was.  I just smiled and thanked them, and stayed where I was sitting.  Then there was this one old guy that glared at me with a giant scowl while I was walking while nursing my toddler at the mall.  That's pretty much it.  I had more positive comments than anything else.  I even had a lady who worked the WIC office come up and thank me for nursing in public while I was at the mall.

09-10-2013 10:44 PM
julie128

Never.  Not a single time.  But, I did have LOTS of positive comments, even when bf toddlers in public.  :-)

08-23-2013 02:20 PM
MayaT I've been nursing for almost 5 months, and never had a problem... I've nursed in restaurants, grocery stores, shopping malls - usually with a cover. The few interactions have been encouraging (e.g. strangers making eye contact and smiling). However, I have given my baby expressed breastmilk in a bottle in public and have received a couple of comments that were critical about formula feeding! So maybe it depends on the location - I live in Portland, Oregon.
08-22-2013 11:12 AM
EliteGoddess

I do it on the subway.  Folks are squished up against me but I do it anyway.  The carrier largely covers what's left to be seen, so they only catch glimpses of the good stuff when my 11.5 month old pops off to babble something loudly...which these days he does often.  Folks are fine about it; on the very rare occasion someone harrumphs and turns away pointedly (always a middle-aged woman, btw), but it's all good.  I've had an elderly man tell me what I was doing was beautiful, and I've had other women smile at me with a look in their eyes that tells me they miss the days of BFing...it's sweet.

 

Be well.

08-21-2013 12:48 PM
boater

My dd is 2 and I don't think I've ever had anyone be even the least bit negative. I have been surprised many times by strangers going out of their way to say super supportive things about extended breastfeeding!
 

07-21-2013 02:54 PM
rachelsmama
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilitchka View Post

just to comment about the comments a man can make: '' I wish I could switch places with the baby''....I don't find it a negative comment.

to me, it doesn,t imply that breastfeeding is sexual. I can understand that it can be inappropriate for a stranger to declare that he wants to suck on my breast....but to me, it doesn't sound that way. I would interpret this comment like: ''your baby looks so well snuggled against your breasts, I wish I could experience the same feeling''....and who could blame them!


Yes!  And I also think some guys who have said similar things to me were mostly just in awe of what my body can do, and were trying to compliment me in their own awkward, foot-in-mouth way.  Even when the words coming out of their mouths were easily interpreted as inappropriate, the body language was generally positive and complimentary.

07-21-2013 02:48 PM
lilitchka

just to comment about the comments a man can make: '' I wish I could switch places with the baby''....I don't find it a negative comment.

to me, it doesn,t imply that breastfeeding is sexual. I can understand that it can be inappropriate for a stranger to declare that he wants to suck on my breast....but to me, it doesn't sound that way. I would interpret this comment like: ''your baby looks so well snuggled against your breasts, I wish I could experience the same feeling''....and who could blame them!

07-20-2013 01:38 PM
fayebond

nope, none.  But my in-laws have been sitting next to me and not even known we brought the baby.

 

Being modest about it works wonders.  And for the family members that I know its going to tick off, I leave the area ad find a less controversial corner to snuggle my bub.  Maybe one day it can't be helped, but so far that's not today. :)

07-06-2013 07:09 PM
rainface I've been nursing now for 20 months, whenever or wherever and I've never gotten a negative response. I usually wear a nursing tank top under a lightweight shirt, and no cover. I've been in situations where I know people are uncomfortable (like my in laws) but I just do my thing and don't react. I feel like its my job to feed/comfort my kid and normalize nursing, not be apologetic or overly explanatory. I think I give off a "don't screw with me" vibe anyway, so that probably helps too smile.gif
07-06-2013 06:45 PM
*MamaJen*

I never had a problem nursing in public, but a lot of people have been supportive. The very first time I nursed in public, I was out at a restaurant with my parents and newborn. My mom urged me to nurse my son in the booth and said no one would even notice or be able to see anything. I've had a lot of strangers be sweet to me. One time, flying home to see my family with my 12 month old, we had a hellishly delayed flight layover. I was sitting in the terminal nursing my son, and a middle aged lady walked up to me, smiled, and handed me a bottle of water (since nursing makes you thirsty). I've always thought that was just the sweetest way to quietly support a nursing mom.

Oh, also, I took my baby to work with me for six months. It was a small, tight-knit office. One time, one of my coworkers said, "Hey, that baby's head is blocking my view." (In retrospect, I know that sounds inappropriate, but we were good friends and it was hilarious at the time.)

07-06-2013 05:25 PM
erigeron

I never had an issue. Over time I realized that it feels like a much bigger issue to you than it is to anybody else. 

07-02-2013 07:37 PM
mariee

What a great thread!

 

I'm on baby #2 and a total of 2 1/2 years of BFing.  I've BFed in several different states, private places, public places, covered up and really exposed.  With our first child, I tended to be a bit more modest and used a blanket or something while nursing in public.  Now with our second, I don't really have that luxury (plus I don't have the desire to cover myself).  Just last month, I had my entire boob out while nursing our 3 month old.  We were sitting on the beach in FL. A woman walked all the way over to our blanket just to comment on how sweet our daughter was.

 

So I've had lots of good experiences; never had a negative one!

05-31-2013 11:42 AM
crayfishgirl

No negative comments or looks NIP either (4 years and going), and my babes would never tolerate a cover.  I once had to sit and nurse on a display couch for sale at Costco because the snack seating area was completely full....only smiles from everyone that passed, including those considering purchasing it looking more closely.

05-31-2013 10:48 AM
mama amie Yeah. Anyone who says something like that should be called out immediately. I would use a public speaking voice to tell him it is absolutely inappropriate so that anyone in earshot hears. Totally out if line.
05-31-2013 08:17 AM
michelleepotter
Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelsmama View Post

...and occasionally some guy would make a commend about being jealous...

That's disgusting. greensad.gif I would not appreciate a total stranger implying that he wanted to suck on my breast, much less implying that feeding my child was somehow sexual.
05-31-2013 04:11 AM
rachelsmama

I NIP for 6 years (2 kids) and never had any problems.  I occasionally got startled looks, but those were usually because we were doing something that isn't often seen in public (toddler nursing positions, etc...), and of course, some people were obviously having troubles figuring out where to point their eyes, and occasionally some guy would make a commend about being jealous, but nobody ever hassled us.  I know my rights and my kids' rights, and have no qualms about defending them, so I might have been giving off a "don't bother hassling me, you'll never win that argument" vibe.
 

05-31-2013 02:23 AM
moving toward On bb 2 never a drama but I live in nz which is kind of like breast feeding nirvana. Best experience bf in a 5 star restaurant (2 diff ones) no probs and doting staff - yes I did enquire before going
05-20-2013 10:35 AM
LilyTiger

I've never had a problem at 9 months and I've nursed in coffeeshops, pubs, restaurants, festivals, parks, a cross-country meet, on an AmTrak, and at a meeting with colleagues.  I covered when she was smaller, but now I usually nurse uncovered.  My friends who nurse uncovered and a friend who is nursing her large 2 year old (he looks more like a 3yo) have also never had any problems.  Not even odd looks.  We're in a mid-sized city with a mix of conservative and liberal politics, so we're not in a liberal/AP mecca or something.  Pretty average community.

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