Mothering Forums - Reply to Topic

Thread: Things never to ask a pregnant woman Reply to Thread
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Send Trackbacks to (Separate multiple URLs with spaces) :
Post Icons
You may choose an icon for your message from the following list:

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

  Additional Options
Miscellaneous Options

  Topic Review (Newest First)
03-24-2014 06:27 PM
Ratchet I think I will start coming up with responses to these questions now (only 6 wks, hopefully with a sticky baby!) that involve excessive use of words like vagina, hemorrhoids, lactate, and urine. They make me uncomfortable with inappropriate questions? Maybe they deserve to be made uncomfortable with an honest response. I personally am very comfortable with saying those words. "Are there 2 in there?" "No just one growing normally, I can't imagine how bad my vulvar varicosities would be if it were 2!" Might be worth it.
03-24-2014 12:15 PM
here we are [quote name="Philothea" url="/community/t/1375846/things-never-to-ask-a-pregnant-woman/100#post_17594801"
We should go on a campaign of leave pregnant women alone![/quote]
Yes! I'm thinking up some ideas for this one.
03-24-2014 12:10 PM
here we are [quote name="Philothea" url="/community/t/1375846/things-never-to-ask-a-pregnant-woman/100#post_17594801"
I mean I didn't go up to him and ask if he was wearing his depends or not and was going to have an accident!

I should have looked him the eyes right then and said, "I'm going to eat my placenta." Lol.

LOL♥! Funny smile.gif
03-24-2014 06:30 AM

A childless lady who knows that I previously had a miscarriage said yesterday, "I hope you're being very careful.  You know, Sophia Loren stayed in bed for her entire pregnancy after she'd lost one."


:angry What a guilt trip!  As if the miscarriage was my fault for over-exerting myself somehow (no, it was because the embryo failed to develop a heart)!  I'm pretty sure extended bed rest in a healthy pregnancy is actually bad for mom and baby: loss of muscle tone, reduced circulation, etc.

03-23-2014 09:16 AM
philothea So glad to find this thread!

Just had an eldery man (like in his 60's/70's) who I've never met before but have seen occasionally at events
come up to me and put his hand on my shoulder and say real snarky like, "so I've got ask you... there are 2 in there, right?" As he points to my stomach. I was smiling and looking at him expecting something sweet to come out of his mouth and my heart just fell. I already have self-image issues and this particular night I had really spent time on myself showering, doing my hair, picking out my favorite spring dress and I was feeling really beautiful. And that just made me feel so fat and self-conscious! greensad.gif the worst part Is that I am a nice person and kept smiling and maybe even gave a small polite laugh. But I was so upset afterwards that I'm not a more assertive person and didn't react in another way and ask him why on earth he would ever think that is acceptable to say. I have a dear friend who had twins and miscarried one (which I hear is common) and could you imagine if he said that to a woman in that situation?

Arrrrrrgh! I hate what comes out of people's mouths when your pregnant!!!

Then another elderly man who I've never seen in my life came up real close, invading my personal space and said, "your water is not going to break right here right? I mean you're not going to make a mess on the floor here right now, right?" And I was like, huh? I mean I didn't go up to him and ask if he was wearing his depends or not and was going to have an accident! I know it's not the same thing but like, that is a very personal thing! We are talking about fluid in my womb coming out of my vagina and why would an absolute stranger think it is ok to come and ask me that???!!! And why did he have to have a tone of like that? Like I can control when my water breaks anyway! Honestly, I wouldn't have cared if it broke right then and there in front of him and I could've just carried on as naturally as possible. (I'm someone who desperately wants to normalize birth in our culture!) I would've been happy to birth the baby right there on that very floor. He said it like it's some crazy scary thing.... "oh no, don't let your water break! That is gross. And a mess!" I should have looked him the eyes right then and said, "I'm going to eat my placenta." Lol.

I didn't read through all these posts but Im sure others have mentioned this... I have a 22 month old girl and everyone looks at her and then asks what were having. And I swear I wish we never found out! Because when I say boy, I just about cover my ears and close my eyes to all the responses! "Oh!!! There we go! Now you're finished!" " oh!!! That's perfect: girl and boy! Good for you!" "Oh now your family is complete and you can stop. One boy one girl." Rrrrrrrrrrrrr! First of all, we would have been just as happy with another girl and it pisses me off that anyone would think otherwise, let alone everyone (!!!!!) A million times a day has to state how it is right with the world that we are having a boy! Secondly, any comments on family size I always think are wildly inappropriate especially from strangers and we are offended that ppl would think we don't want anymore and have even frequently told us to be "done." Excuse me?! We want tons of children! For us, it is not boy, girl done. I want my children to have tons of siblings to play with (of either gender!) And I want a house full of little joyful munchkins. I'm not telling other people when they are pregnant, "oh so now you need to have 5 more," and I would appreciate it if ppl didnt try to tell us that we are complete, that we can stop having kids, and that we are done. Arrrrrrr!Especially since we have lost 2 babies to miscarriage, we don't know if we will be able to have more or if this will be all for us, when in our hearts we desperately want more and that is such a sad and difficult thought... to be "done." We don't want to be done! But how do you say this to the person making your subs at subway??! They say some stupid comment and its out of line and offensive, But it's way too personal to get into and defend for a stranger Ya know. We should go on a campaign of leave pregnant women alone!
03-19-2014 08:46 AM

:D Nice fix, Erigeron!  That guy had a lot of "jokes" that really irritated me.  It's just my luck that, of all the Girl Scout parents I met over the years, he's one of the ones I'm most likely to see in public places still, and he always wants to talk to me/us and is always irritating!!!

03-18-2014 10:36 AM
pokeyac I didn't have a lot of crazy questions asked, but I did get comments near the end that I must be having twins, including one from a little girl as I walked by. That just made me feel fat! I was only having one baby. I didn't feel that big, but those comments made me wonder.
03-18-2014 09:26 AM
Originally Posted by EnviroBecca View Post

 "Usually I ask, 'Who's the father?' but since you're not married, that wouldn't be funny." fixed that for ya!

03-18-2014 07:10 AM

Oh dear EnviroBecca! That's bordering on rude..:S Must've been rather awkward... lol

03-17-2014 11:39 AM

Haven't gotten any jaw-dropping comments this time around, but when I was pregnant with my first and was a Girl Scout leader, the creepy dad of one of the Scouts said, "Usually I ask, 'Who's the father?' but since you're not married, that wouldn't be funny."

03-15-2014 10:03 AM

Oh my... I am very pro-choice but I think that requiring doctors to ask if a pregnant woman wants to terminate is just as bad as requiring them to show an ultrasound or give misleading information about the risks of abortion. 

I think if I were the doc and the mom seemed okay with being pregnant I would probably say something like "So they legally require me to ask if you want to terminate". 


I got the whole gamut of stupid comments during this most recent pregnancy. Not very many of them but there were a couple of really rude ones! Like the "you know what causes that?" and the one who looked at my ring finger and said something like "oh, you're married, that's too bad, I have a son about your age and I thought we could work something out". Both from middle-aged men. I continued to work retail the whole time. The strategy I chose to employ was to basically pretend the person had not made the comment at all, and continue with what I was saying as if I'd never heard it... I don't think people liked this all that much, but oh well.


I hate being interrogated! I don't say anything to another person about pregnancy. I talk to her like a normal person. If she wants to discuss it she can. "How's it going?" or "How are you?" seem to change to "How are you feeling?" which is weird to me... I would rather just ask the same as I would ask a non-pregnant person, and if she wants to talk about how she's feeling, she can. I know, people mean well, but I just get tired of getting asked the same thing over and over. 


And now that I have a boy and a girl, I've gotten a lot of those comments on how I have the perfect family. I'm sure people with 2 or 3 of the same sex get comments about how they must be disappointed/trying for one of the other sex next or whatever... blah. People should just stick to "Oh, your baby is so adorable" or the like. 

03-14-2014 05:15 PM
Originally Posted by devilish View Post

Someone posted this on my facebook.

I want this shirt so badly. I absolutely hate people touching me without permission. Being pregnant does not make my belly public property.


Oh my gosh, i am almost 28 weeks with my 3rd, 1st is almost 3 years old and 2nd is only 9 months. EVERYONE asks if it was planned.. So i respond with "Yes and no." ... they are usually so confused they just quiet down. Oh and I am married to the father of my children and am 23.

They may as well just say "So were you two having intercourse purely to create a child, or did you two just have a random night of passionate sex!"........ Honestly, it'd be just as awkward.. -_-

I am actually not wanting any more kids after this one just so i don't slap a doctors face! Apparently it is law now here in South Australia for a Doctor to HAVE to ask if you want to abort or not... I was over 15 weeks pregnant, could feel baby moving and everything! And the Doctor asked if it was planned, i said not really. (in fact i didnt want another for 4 years and hubby and i weren't doing anything, so i just stopped taking the pill as was useless.. *cough* did something once.. Tada! Pregnant.) So he asked if I'd like to terminate the pregnancy... I almost leapt to my feet and screamed "DO I WANT TO MURDER MY HEALTHY STRONG BABY?!?" Of course i snapped back "No! Of course not!" and he was very happy to hear my response.. But yes.. I HATE that question! He apologised afterwards saying that they are required to ask... Grrrr.

And yes, strangers touching my belly.. Strange women i tend to just bear with it.. But any male i must say just freaks me out and i have to be rude and tell them no touchies. HOW being pregnant makes your body public property i don't know!
03-12-2014 12:18 PM
limabean The first time I met my boss's boss, we literally weren't done shaking hands hello when he said, "Are you going to breastfeed?" That's not a question that bothered me in general, but it felt rather inappropriate as the first thing said to me by a work superior.

At the baby shower for my first baby, my friend's mom came in with this weird, sympathetic look on her face and said, "So ... not quite what you had planned, but you're going with it, huh?" Er, say what? I was a married, 29-year-old homeowner who went off the pill because DH and I were ready for kids. headscratch.gif
03-11-2014 01:40 PM
Harebell Jumping in... When I was pregnant the guy who kept on coming to repair our washing machine (it took forever) told me on every single visit how sorry he was that we'd be having a girl. I assured him again and again that we were very happy about her, but somehow he didn't get it. I felt so sorry for any female babies in his family!!
03-09-2014 08:18 PM

I must confess, I showed my SIL a mean picture worth 1000 words of things she didn't want to hear.... a photo of my distended, stretch marked, GINORMOUS belly hours before my daughter was born. 


Originally Posted by lilblueberry View Post

Being American and pregnant while living in a culture that advertises abortion on tv, I'd have to say the MOST offensive question, asked three times by three different doctors was "do you want to keep it?" Another was when I heard the heartbeat for the first time and started crying they asked, "are you ok? Why are you sad?" Clearly tears of joy people!


And here i am thinking that it isn't discussed enough in media! How our world is colored by our desires.... 

03-04-2014 06:41 AM
lilblueberry Being American and pregnant while living in a culture that advertises abortion on tv, I'd have to say the MOST offensive question, asked three times by three different doctors was "do you want to keep it?" Another was when I heard the heartbeat for the first time and started crying they asked, "are you ok? Why are you sad?" Clearly tears of joy people!
03-04-2014 12:04 AM
anyalily "you should really watch the weight gain, because... It is just so hard to lose..." At 8 months pregnant when I had already gained about 50 pounds, said by someone I had just met.
03-03-2014 03:05 PM

Ugh, some of these are so terrible! I was 19 when I had my daughter (and single) but actually never got any particularly bad comments. I mean, some from my upset mother, but in general people were nice. With my son, when I was 24, I got a lot of the standard "You must be due any day now!" starting at 20 weeks and a lot of "A boy and a girl! Now you can be done." What does that have to do with it, honestly? And my father in law several times asked me, "Well, how do your parents feel about this?" when pregnant with DS. And he asked it in a very negative way. Then once I got more pregnant looking he was creepily flirty and several times said, "I just love a pregnant woman." Dude, leave me alone. Oh! And with DS when we called to tell him it was a boy he just sighed, "another grandson" in a disappointed voice. 

03-03-2014 09:30 AM

my SIL said to me once, "Wow I can always tell you're pregnant by your double chin"  seriously it's not the eight months of baby protruding in front of me, it's my fat chin?!?

06-08-2013 10:42 AM

Someone posted this on my facebook.



I want this shirt so badly. I absolutely hate people touching me without permission. Being pregnant does not make my belly public property.

04-21-2013 12:16 PM

I had a coworker that I thought might be pregnant, but given how sensitive I have been with my infertility journey and the fact that I knew she had lost a lot of weight, I didn't want to ask her "Are you pregnant?" especially if she was just gaining weight or truly wasn't and having difficulties getting pregnant.  I was waiting for her to make an announcement of some kind to give people the head's up that, "yes, I am pregnant" not just getting fat.  Never happened.  Then I was attending a baby shower of a mutual friend and learned that the coworker was 7.5 months pregnant and she was handing out baby shower invites to everyone but me!  Okay. How to handle that tactfully.  I just ignored the event.  The next day I congratulated her on her pregnancy and told her I didn't know she was pregnant. "Oh, I thought you knew." I thought to myself, "Um, no, you didn't tell me (but obviously all the other female workers know) and I didn't want to ask for fear to offend you if you were just getting fat."  Granted at the time I had just gotten a bfp a week before and I am not telling co-workers yet.


Since I had to go through IVF to get pregnant, the "You know how that happens" comment response will be priceless. "Yep, I gave myself painful injections 3 times a day for 2 weeks, then went through a painful egg retrieval process, waited on pins and needles for the doctors to tell me if my DH's sperm that they injected into my eggs had done its job, then had a painless transfer of two amazing embryos, now I am trying to stay peaceful as I wait for the next few months to pass before I meet my little one (or ones since I don't know if I am having twins yet)." I know way more about "how it happens" than I ever thought I would.  It is amazing that any woman gets pregnant given all the things that must happen perfectly timed.

04-21-2013 08:27 AM
Originally Posted by lilmamita View Post

Ugh, I get annoyed at so much of what people say to me.  A summary:

Everyone's an expert. Unsolicited home remedies for morning sickness that you've already tried
OMG THIS!!! I've been so sick for almost 6 weeks now and my OB is extremely concerned anyway. Don't you think they have given me suggestions and I am trying them? Or do you just think I love to barf constantly?
Then I had a lady lecture me for taking zofran. Um excuse me, but 1) I AM an adult. 2) I'm already uncomfortable with taking it, but it is literally the only thing that helps me at this point. This lady has also never had any children, by choice. Maybe I'm too sensitive.

Also my manager said to me your husband must be so frustrated. Well excuse me, but unlike you my husband cares about my well being. He's actually pretty concerned. Agh.
04-18-2013 06:03 AM
michelleepotter With this pregnancy, I'm anticipating at least a few people saying, "But I thought you were done having kids!" I'm so tempted to respond, "Sorry, I guess I should have warned you before DH and I decided to have sex." wink1.gif

Anybody got any comebacks for the inevitable, "When are you going to do something about that (ie, get fixed)?" We actually *are* going to "do something" after this baby, but I'm sick of people asking me that every time I get pregnant! It makes me want to have 8 more, just to rebel against the naysayers!
04-18-2013 05:39 AM

Agree with the other ladies... I hate hearing, "Did you guys plan this pregnancy?" "Were you on birth control?" "Did you want this baby?" and another I HATED... "Wow you're HUGE!" STFU. I feel like a whale anyways, don't make such rude comments on my growing child. I was fairly large when I was pregnant with my daughter, but she was a tall, skinny baby at birth so we haven't the slightest clue why. I was all belly with her lol. My mom felt my stomach when I was about 14 weeks pregnant and she says, "It's still all soft and flabby, it's not even hard yet." Really? I'm 14 WEEKS PREGNANT... wonder why my belly isn't "hard" yet! Then you get the whole, "Do you know what you're having? Do you want to know? Do you have names picked out?" Those don't bother me as much as they are tedious... .I think with this pregnancy I'll just wear a shirt that says everything on it lol. 

04-17-2013 07:01 AM
cynthiamoon I'm odd one out here. I wish people were asking me ANYTHING, even if it's too personal. Half the time I don't even feel pregnant, or worry that people just don't care.
04-16-2013 02:12 PM
Originally Posted by michelleepotter View Post

Come to think of it, did the other customers in line even know you work there? I can imagine it appearing like she just insulted a pregnant customer out of nowhere!


Ha ha never thought of it that way! Makes me laugh to think of what an ass she made herself look like

04-16-2013 07:31 AM

I'm loving reading this thread because it just blows my mind that ANYONE ever thinks it's ok to talk like that to ANYONE - regardless of whether or not they are pregnant. It's like as soon as we start growing a baby our bodies and decisions should be open to public opinion. Amazing.


My rant is about my mom, who I love more than anything, but who doesn't always say things that people should hear. I was in labour at the hospital with my DD (my first). I was in full labour at 34 weeks - my midwife was there, but it was a transfer of care to an OB since it was early. My contractions weren't super painful and I was breathing through them well and feeling very confident and prepared for this birth. I felt great. My DH was incredibly helpful and supportive along with my midwife. My mom though kept repeating how much WORSE it was going to get. "Oh just wait - you think this is easy, but it's going to get WAY worse, just wait!". Um, thanks?? That's what I need to hear. I'm not freaked out enough about being in labour 6 weeks early I need you to remind me about how much pain is coming when you know I don't want any pain meds. Thanks.


And my labour was amazing. I delivered my daughter naturally with no pain medication and she was born very healthy.

04-16-2013 07:03 AM
michelleepotter Wow, nattery, sounds like your manager just showed a bunch of her employees and customers what a rude b**** she is. If I'd been in the line behind you, I would have stopped shopping there! Possibly complained, too. I get very sensitive while pregnant, and I wouldn't want to risk her saying crap like that to me!

Come to think of it, did the other customers in line even know you work there? I can imagine it appearing like she just insulted a pregnant customer out of nowhere!
04-16-2013 05:31 AM

I recently took early medical leave because my job is very physically strenuous and my midwife was worried about threatened pre-term labour...


anyways I'm 7 months pregnant and went into my work (grocery store) to buy some groceries. My manager looked me up and down (with a shocked/ discusted look on her face) and asked "How much WEIGHT! have you PUT ON?" I was taken back as she just looked so horrified. She then went on to say "You must be retaining water or SOMETHING!" to which I replied "umm... I don't think so?" She then kept insisting that I share (with her, my co workers serving me and the line up of people behind me) exactly how much weight I've put on... to which I proudly stated at least 30 lbs, maybe 40... She went on to say that she doesn't understand why I would gain so much because she knows I'm a health-obsessed vegetarian that never eats junk food or sweet things (while she stated this she glanced at the groceries I was buying today as if to try to find evidence of my weight gain... sadly I only had spinach, zucchini, and some fruit with me so no luck there)


I mean, I only stopped working there two weeks ago, and I'm in there all the time buying groceries AND I've only gained 5 lbs max since I did work there so... not sure why she was so shocked to see me today but still... I wasn't overly offended (I'm comfortable with my body, I know I'm eating right and exercising and if my body needs to put on 30+ lbs then so be it) but I was just more shocked at how rude she was and how if I wasn't such a secure person with my body shape and size right now, she could have really upset me. I finished the conversation by saying, "I'm not worried about my weight gain, I know I'll loose it all after, that's what happened to my mom!" She didn't respond but had a look of doubt on her face like I must be dreaming and in denial that I would ever get my body back to pre-pregnancy weight. I guess I will just have to show her! ha ha

04-14-2013 05:32 AM
Sphinxy Yesterday I went shopping with my mom. She was at the cosmetics counter in a department store, and the woman working at counter made a comment in my nice skin. So of course, my mom had to tell her that I'm pregnant. Without hesitation or inquiry, the woman launched into an explanation of how much weight she gained during her pregnancy, how terrible GD was, how awful her her labor was, how her bladder almost fell out (!), and then BEGGED me not to gain too much weight. It was so uncomfortable!!!
This thread has more than 30 replies. Click here to review the whole thread.

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off