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  Topic Review (Newest First)
07-19-2013 02:08 PM
JMR41412 I'm sorry for intruding I will remove myself.
07-19-2013 09:45 AM
cynthia mosher

JMR41412 I'm sorry to say you were misadvised. In our guidelines for this forum:

 

 

Quote:
Queer Parenting is a space for parents who identify as LGBTQ to discuss the challenges and joys of parenting their children. This may include discussions from pre-conception through college. This space is not intended for those who do not identify as LGBTQ to post to ask advice from the community. Threads that do not fit in the guidelines will be moved."

 

If you are not getting the advice you need in other forums your option would be to identify a Mothering member whose posts have been helpful and informative and contact them by PM to ask for advice. Thanks for your understanding. :)

07-11-2013 12:54 AM
friederike

Hello,

I don't have bank recommendations. but I wouldn't recommend taking meds without the supervision of a doctor. Even with a doctor, if there are no fertility issues I wouldn't go for those straight away unless you don't mind the higher risk of multiples. But that is always connected to some more risks.

For tracking, everybody seems to love the book "Taking charge of your fertility". I would obeserve temps, CM and cervix positions and use OPKs to pinpoint ovulation. Make sure you read up well about safe home IUIs. Many people do them, but they are not without risks, so the person performing them should know what they're poking up there. I think it helps if you have experienced it at least once with a professional (a doc or a midwife could show you) before doing it at home.

07-09-2013 08:01 PM
JMR41412 Hello everyone, I was advised to ask my questions here too.
my husband and I are looking to conceive, he has 2 kids already but I have not been so lucky yet. He is fixed and the likely hood of getting him unfixed and becoming pregnant are slim to non because he's been fixed for 14yrs. He's eager to add to the family again and we are looking into washes donor sperm and Prefer to do it ourselves at home. We have read tons of articles on the how to and what not to do. Any advise on a sperm bank that doesn't require a doctors sig? Any advise on whether or not to attempt fertility pills/injections starting out? Any advise in kits to assist me in tracking my ovulation?

Thanks in advance for you time and help!!!
06-30-2013 08:45 AM
jwaite05 Thanks for the new thread Liz. I'm keeping high hopes that this cycle will go juat right for you and the IVF is successful! The odds are in your favor.

I'm 8 DPO and DW has now had dream#2 about me being pregnant:) I'm staring to wish this week away...but then again next Thursday thru Sunday will be full of fun and celebration for my fam'. Whew. Patience is virtuous, right?!?

See u all in the new month!!
06-30-2013 07:39 AM
lizbian

Hi Ladies,

 

come on over to the shiny new thread - fingers crossed for lots of March babies!!!!

 

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1385884/queer-conceptions-july-2013

06-30-2013 07:18 AM
lizbian

thanks ladies! If we were in a big city we might have a chance of finding somewhere to refill the nitrogen but on a little island of 65,000 people it's unfortunately a little harder. I have to be careful of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome apparently so need to have more ultrasounds during the cycle to make sure they are giving me the correct dose. At £200 each time it's not cheap but hopefully if it all goes well we won't need to do it too many times. (3 this cycle). I do have some good news though. It's my 40th in August & the wife's booked a castle for the night!!!! it's not the usual castle with lots of rooms but should be fun nonetheless!!!

 

Mama Happy Pride ! A friend of mine from here now lives in Toronto & is having a great time!

 

Off to go & put the little swimmers in the bin now - such a waste! angry.gif

06-29-2013 06:25 AM
mamaetmaman liz- glad you got some answers, and have a very promising plan! Search online for cryogenic storage companies or science supply companies that can supply you with more liquid nitrogen. Often times, you just need to refill the tanks and it's just as good as being in the storage facility- as long as it remains as cold. Good luck on the IVF!

It's Pride weekend here in Toronto. Happy Pride to all of you, wherever you are!
06-29-2013 01:37 AM
friederike liz oh dang, that sucks having to waste so much money. Is there no chance of refilling the tank, kepping it for another 2 weeks and taking it with you to Denmark? Well, at least you're set for the IVF really soon. You could be preggo by mid August. That would be so amazing.
And thanks for offering to threadkeep.
06-28-2013 03:11 PM
jwaite05 Wow Liz! Really glad u figured out what is going on and that u are getting to try this cycle with IVF!!! I'm sorry u had to waste so much money BUT your cycle time worked itself out so that you can insem sooner so whoo hoo for that!! I'll be thinking about you!
06-28-2013 09:37 AM
lizbian

ps Friederike  happy to be threadkeeper next month xx

 

jwaite I hope DW's dream is spot on!!!! good luck xx

 

 

Went to the doc & had an ultrasound just now. My body is going crazy things & it's a bit hard to get answers out of the doc but managed it. I was supposed to have ovulated 2 dayys ago instead it looks like I ovulated on day 8 (!!!) and I'm now 3 days into my new cycle. That all means I have a tank of swimmers here I can't do anything with. I can't post them back as the courier company refuses to take them so I literally have to pour £650 down the drain. I'm pretty gutted but the great news is that we can try this month & that if it goes well we'll be in Denmark in less than 2 weeks going through IVF!!!! There is a bit of a problem as I probably have PCOS (they can't tell for sure) so there is a chance of hyperstimulation of my follies which means I'll have to take 2 trips - one for the egg retrieval & fertilisation and another a month later for the implantation. I'm not worrying about that now, just need to get on the wagon!!!

06-28-2013 05:41 AM
jwaite05

Hi Ladies!

 

Welcome (back) Pookfaye ~ I, too, am 'home-brewing'!  Lol!  I love that term!!  I hope everything does go very smoothly for you guys and you can begin your journey soon.  Looking forward to hearing about it<3

 

Mama ~ I'm really sorry to hear that this cycle wasn't 'the one' for you. :(~  Such a bummer when you get those results...indulge in your favorites and then gear up for next cycle?! !  I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope that you get your BFP very soon!!  Sending love your way<3

 

Redrock ~ sending healing to your step-mom.  So sorry she's so sick.  ICIs at home are not a bad way to start.  Of course, timing is a bit trickier, but it can happen this way for sure.  I know plenty of women who have done ICIs at home and gotten BFP results:)  It is less expensive, as we all know.  And has made it easier for us, for sure!  Fingers crossed for you!!

 

Sandi ~ I hope you are getting some resolve from these crooked practitioners.  You are absolutely right...we're gay, not infertile.  Geesh ppl.  I hope you and your dad will find a loving connection here and you feel supported by him.  That may be just what 'the dr ordered' at this time.  I hope you can go the IUI route and make this easy for yourselves.  

 

Prettyisa ~ Welcome back for round #2!  Hope it's easy and fast for you!!

 

BBy ~ Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you guys and hoping this TWW goes quickly for you!  It will happen, keep sending positive thoughts to that uterus of yours!!<3

 

Liz Liz Liz ~ I'm so anxious to hear about what's going on for you...hope it's something that makes sense and you can move forward with insem.  Can you send the swimmers back to preserve? Keep us posted!  I'm thinking about you! xo

 

AFM we are back home and trying to settle back in from our week away:)  I'm about half way thru the TWW.  DW had a dream a couple of nights ago that I whispered to her that I was pregnant from inside the tent and she was trying to bust in to give me a hug, but couldn't open the zipper.  Sometimes her dreams are spot on, so I'm hoping this is one of those times.  Another different thing for me this cycle is that I usually have some O pain while it's happening, which didn't happen.  I felt it, but it was quick and not painful.  Also, I have had a bit of cramping during the luteal phases while I've been TTC, and this time, so far no cramping.  I'm keeping high hopes that these are good signs.  Boobs are sore, but that's nothing new...we'll just have to see.  I won't test til next weekend...

 

Thanks for the cheers to the USA!  Great decision making over here!!  Finally:)  Hoping it will trickle to our state (NC) soon.

Baby dust, Positive Vibes, and Love to All!!

06-28-2013 01:14 AM
lizbian

ps Friederike  happy to be threadkeeper next month xx

 

Doc appointment today to find out what's going on - no sign of O, swimmers gathering dust in my living room greensad.gif

06-26-2013 12:45 PM
lizbian

sandie that's a crazy amount of money. Speak to your dad as I'm pretty sure if they didn't make everything aware when you were accepting the contract it won't necessarily be legally binding. Good luck with it though, I hope you are able to sort it out somehow.

 

prettyisa good work & welcome smile.gif

 

bby don't count yourself out just yet, you might be OK. Good luck with the TWW x

 

AFM WHAT is going on with my body? Basically I have the little swimmers here with me waiting to O. I have a very sneaking suspicion though that the gonalf i took has exploded my follies & that I may have O'd on day 8. My O is due today and instead I've had 'spotting' today and yesterday almost like a mini AF. I'm hoping to see the doc tomorrow for an ultrasound (except I'm teaching until 4pm) which I hope will tell me whether this is O spotting or I've actually had a 16 day cycle & am starting again in which case we've wasted £600 of swimmers that are sitting here unused. *sigh*

 

ps great news in the US - excited for you!

06-26-2013 10:26 AM
BByHlPr

Hello again,

I took a brief break as I was so upset with my last IUI and negative pregnancy test. But we continued and I did another IUI yesterday. I don't think we timed it right, I thought the OPK was positive and we scheduled it for the next day, but that morning I did another OPK and it was so much darker I realized the first one was not positive yet. I repeated the OPK today and it was still very dark, so I think I did the IUI 1 day early. It is so hard to tell without monitoring. However, I do know that the cervical mucus was there, the cervix was high and the OS was open. I have my fingers crossed, but I think we'll be trying again next month. I wish the sperm weren't so expensive, I'd love to be able to afford to do back to back IUIs. 

 

Good luck everyone else!

06-26-2013 08:35 AM
prettyisa Hi, kids!

Well, what an auspicious day to start TTC! Friederike, can you please put me in waiting to O? I just got a smiley this morning, which means I'm officially headed towards our first try for #2 in about a month!

I'm looking forward to hanging out over here again and getting to know you all! I had a little girl in April of 2012 and am hoping to get her a sibling. smile.gif
06-26-2013 08:03 AM
friederike

clap.gif Congratulations to all US Americans here flowersforyou.gif on two landmark decisions by the SCOTUS.    jumpers.gif

06-26-2013 03:56 AM
friederike

Oh wow, Sandie. I am speechless. That has to be illegal. Those prices are so far from realistic, it is revolting. As comparison, a hysteroscopy and laparascopy costs 350€ plus 200€ for anasthesia here. It also probably violates some laws that they didn't inform you in advance about the facility being out of network. I hope you get a solution soon, preferably paying nothing.

I am a bit confused about why exactly they are steering you towards IVF for efficiency reasons. From my experience an IUI is quite a bit cheaper, especially if they are unmedicated. For me the ratio IUI vs. IVF cost is about 1:4. From what I read IUI has an approximately 15-20% chance and IVF 30-45%. Thus it seems cheaper to try IUIs first to get more chances of pregnancy for my money. But perhaps with the crazy pricing system your doctor has, it makes more sense to bring in the big guns.

06-25-2013 03:42 PM
sandiegongp

Hi, everyone!  Thanks again for all of the welcomes--I see that there is a lot of lingo and info to learn, and I'm just trying to read and absorb everything I can.  I just got some books in from the library, and more are on the way soon, several of which were mentioned in your posts.  I'm seeing that we thought we were just going to need to learn about natural IUIs or maybe--just maybe--IUI with a trigger, or even clomid if things really werent working, but the more we talk about money, time, and test results, we're being steered toward blowing all of our insurance on an IVF cycle just to be "efficient" with our lifetime benefit.

 

I'm torn between the fact that we, as queer women, are not necessarily infertile, and it's frustrating to be treated that way when there is no indicator other than our sexuality (my partner has clockwork regular cycles and ovulates perfectly!  her only ding is a lowish AMH which we just found out about yesterday).  On the other hand, there's the fact that this is so much more expensive for us as queers than it would be for most heteros, so why not take advantage of science to maximize our chances?  Ack.  Both partner and I vacillate between being pro-science/technology and pro-most natural way possible, and we seem to take it in turns, so I'm not sure where we'll fall in the end.

 

As for right now, we're tracking.  We have an appointment next week to meet with a local, sliding scale cash-only NP who does natural IUIs.  She's going to teach us how to chart "better" and give us some tools, including a speculum of our very own, so I don't just have to jam my fingers in my lady and guess at what's going on in there...it's been fun, but not especially informative ;)  We also have a lead on a practice of REs that won't max out our insurance the way our current (soon to be former) fertility specialist has done and would do in the future--plus, current place is 60-90 minutes away, and the others are all super local.  

 

The biggest drama for us has been finding a $5300 bill on a claim from our current RE for our hysteroscopy facility fee--that's right, not the actual procedure, which they billed a separate $1800 for (and got).  Our insurance already negotiated their original 31,000 claim for the fac fee to 12,800, and insurance paid them their 7,500, and now they want 5300 including a 550 copay.  I've been gearing up for battle all weekend--after, of course, we sobbed and tried to grapple with not being able to TTC at all, if we actually had to pay this bill--and now armed with my notes from convos with the doc and billing rep, the healthcare blue book's "fair pricing" data, as well as the wrath of my militant lawyer-father in my back pocket (the first time it's really been a good thing to have kind of a jerk for a dad!), I'm ready for the final EOB to come in and to contest, contest, contest.  My ideal is to pay $0, but I will be willing to pay the $550 copay, and if they threaten collections, I might offer the blue book price of $1800 total (which we don't have--it will have to come out of sperm budget), but beyond that, they'll just have to send it to collections!  My dad offered to write a letter on legal letterhead if they don't accept!  

 

Now, normally, I pay all of my bills, even the ones where insurance and providers seem to be getting away with some fancy footwork, but this is just not okay: we see our far away expensive provider b/c he is in network and we have %100 fertility coverage, $35 copays, and that $20k lifetime benefit, so we figured naively, as I now realize we were, that we were good to go.  Turns out, he scheduled our hysteroscopy at an office in his building that had his business cards on the counter, but had a different name, and is contracted with our insurance as out of network.  Hence the crazy bills.  but HE performed the procedure and NOBoDY ever indicated to us that this place was Out of network or that it would cost so much.  In fact, in the past, they've reassured us that scary charges like "687" on our bills would be reduced down to 99 (for our genetic panel), etc. So they seem to know we're not just made of money.

 

Okay, sorry for the novel that this turned into, but it feels good to vent.  Lady and I have been riding this rollercoaster all week/weekend and just are starting to feel like with one of these two new providers (all natural RN or reasonable-er RE practice), we'll be able to at least try a few IUIs!

 

Best of luck to everybody on TWWs--now I know what that means :)

06-25-2013 01:39 PM
lizbian

redrockband have a great vacation! sounds like it'll be a good time to relax & sort everything out. Sorry to hear about your step-mom I hope she's OK.

 

AFM waiting for O. It's normally day 16 which is tomorrow and the swimmers arrived yesterday so they're sitting here waiting for me to be ready. I'm slightly concerned as I've had quite a bit of spotting today but hoping it's just due to the hormones. Wish me luck as if it's tomorrow I'm teaching from 9am - 6.30pm so we're going to be limited on time.  Acupuncture today - last one until the start of the next cycle.

06-25-2013 03:49 AM
friederike

Welcome.gifpookafaye. I wish you a good prep time until August and that verything works out splendidly.

 

heart - You've got me all excited. I hope I get to put you in graduates before this month is over.
 

 

Liz - that's funny with the false injections. Did you insem today? Good luck and baby dust!

 

Redrock - Too bad, that it is so expensive and such a hassle to do it at the clinic. But it has benefits to do it at home, no officve hours to observe. What catheters are you using and how do you teach your partner to get into the cervix? I would like to have home-ICI as a back-up because it seems like my cycle moves towards weekend O's for the next months, but my DP will probably be very opposed to helping me put things into my cervix.

I am sorry about your step mom. I hope she recovers. hug2.gif

06-24-2013 09:59 AM
redrockband

Welcome (back) Pookafaye! Glad to have you hear. DW and I would love to foster/adopt, but it's not legal for us where we live right now. I hope that changes someday. 

 

Liz: Yay for the Danish swim team. Funny that your DW was poking you with needles, sounds like something we would do. wink1.gif

 

mama: Sorry about AF, glad you got to cope by doing things you enjoy. 

 

Jwaite: fingers crossed for you. Camping makes everything better. 

 

AFM: We went to the RE a couple of weeks ago, initially she didn't think I was ovulating, so she did a progesterone test and I did ovulate this cycle, woo hoo!  They talked to us about triggers, and IUIs and were very supportive of doing things the way we want to. Right now we are learning towards trying ICIs at home, at least for a few cycles. We haven't decided if we'll monitor and trigger yet. The cost of doing an IUI at the clinic, plus frozen swimmers was just astronomical, ugh. If they do the IUIs we'd also have to drive 2+ hours each time. So... we started reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility, I started drinking lots of water and taking herbs to increase CM and we are hoping it gets easier to predict my ovulation ourselves. We still have to pick a bank and a donor, but we are headed to Mexico in two weeks for a much needed vacation and grad school buddy reunion. When we get back we'll have to lock ourselves in the house until we can make some decisions ha ha. In other news, we just found out my step mom, who has renal cell carcinoma, has 11+ brain tumors. She starts radiation today. If anyone prays or sends out positive energies please send them her way, she could use them. 

06-23-2013 12:15 PM
lizbian

well it looks like my last update didn't work - grrr

 

mama really sorry to hear about BFN but I hope you enjoyed having a 'naughty' weekend. I think with things like that it's good to be able to relax on your 'do's and 'don'ts' a couple of times in between. My books a historical romance novel about an Irish girl in 1830 who is sent to Australia as a convict.

 

jwaite have fun camping! It sounds like the insems were well timed so hope it all goes well during your TWW xx

 

lovestreet sorry also about your BFN but glad you girls are ready to get straight back on the wagon.

 

sandie welcome! everyone here is so knowledgeable & friendly I'm sure you'll have all your questions answered.

 

pookafaye welcome back Welcome.gif & great news about what you ladies have been up to. I think it's an admirable thing you do, fostering children, and I'm not sure I'd be strong enough to give them back at the end. Wonderful about your DD and I hope you have success TTC this time around.

 

AFM waiting to O which hopefully will be Tuesday. The Danish swim team are due tomorrow. We had fog 2 days last week stopping the post from arriving but hoping all clear now. I'm not expecting it to work so gearing up for Denmark with this an added extra try. Something funny happened though. I thought we had lots of extra gonal (a few month's worth) so we thought we'd try a couple of days here just to kick start the follies. It was all going well for the first 3 days until we swapped what I thought was the dose to a new syringe. DW injected me with the needle & then said how it didn't seem to be injecting anything. Didn't think too much of it, tried again the next day with the same result. I did a little investigating & then found out we had only a single use pen and what we thought were extra doses were actually just needles so DW was basically just poking me in the arse with a needle & leaving it there for a minute!!!!! Had a chuckle about it but now I have to order 3 more day's worth for the actual IVF month. Whoops!!! eyesroll.gif

 

Gotta laugh eh. Have a good week ladies!

 

 

 

heart great to hear, let's hope it sticks!

06-23-2013 10:48 AM
mamaetmaman please move me to waiting to O. Had blood drawn today (12DPO) and the results came back as negative.

This sucks. I'm going to drink an extra coffee, play hockey tonight, and stay for a beer in the change room with my team.
06-22-2013 07:56 PM
pookafaye
Quote:
Originally Posted by carmen358 View Post

 

Welcome back, pookafaye! I remember you. What wonderful, exciting news about your DD and DS...I wish you tons of luck with TTC again :)


I remember you too, Carmen. I'm so happy to see that you're expecting again - that's so wonderful!

06-22-2013 07:41 PM
carmen358
Quote:
Originally Posted by pookafaye View Post

Hello again - it seems I'm new all over again. A few years ago, DW and I were TTC and found this community so helpful and welcoming. We never got our BFP and decided to look in to Foster-Adopt before continuing to try. Fast forward to 3 years later and we have an amazing adopted 2 year old who came home with us when she was only 2 days old. We won the baby lottery with this sweet girl and she was our very first foster placement to boot. We got back in to the system to hopefully adopt a second and we currently have 9 month old baby #5 with us who has been with us for 5 months this week. While it is very likely that he is here for another 7 months, and even possible that it will be 13 months, he is unlikely to stay forever. I can't tell you how much my heart aches over this. I know that I won't be able to foster again after this - but I haven't given up on completing our family with a second child. Hence, we're back again and prepping to TTC again. Best case scenario: we end up with 3 kids that are all about 1 1/2 years apart; I'll also be happy to have just 2 kids ~3 years apart.

So - last time we did frozen - REs - the whole shebang. This time the hope is to work with one of the friends who came forward as a donor after we stopped trying and keep everything home-brew. There's still a lot to take care of before we begin - but I'm hoping that things will go smoothly and we can start trying in August. Sounds like we have a similar situation and timeline to TaviPDX and Sandiegongp (I'm 35 too) it will be fun go through this with some people starting around the same time.

Consider us "waiting to be ready".

B&S

 

 

Welcome back, pookafaye! I remember you. What wonderful, exciting news about your DD and DS...I wish you tons of luck with TTC again :)

06-22-2013 07:25 PM
heart-n-bones Just popping in to say hi. Didn't get lost in the woods, just bogged down at work. Feeling great! Still pg, no symptoms, will probably call our midwife next week.

Wishing everyone well!
06-22-2013 05:56 PM
pookafaye

Hello again - it seems I'm new all over again. A few years ago, DW and I were TTC and found this community so helpful and welcoming. We never got our BFP and decided to look in to Foster-Adopt before continuing to try. Fast forward to 3 years later and we have an amazing adopted 2 year old who came home with us when she was only 2 days old. We won the baby lottery with this sweet girl and she was our very first foster placement to boot. We got back in to the system to hopefully adopt a second and we currently have 9 month old baby #5 with us who has been with us for 5 months this week. While it is very likely that he is here for another 7 months, and even possible that it will be 13 months, he is unlikely to stay forever. I can't tell you how much my heart aches over this. I know that I won't be able to foster again after this - but I haven't given up on completing our family with a second child. Hence, we're back again and prepping to TTC again. Best case scenario: we end up with 3 kids that are all about 1 1/2 years apart; I'll also be happy to have just 2 kids ~3 years apart.

So - last time we did frozen - REs - the whole shebang. This time the hope is to work with one of the friends who came forward as a donor after we stopped trying and keep everything home-brew. There's still a lot to take care of before we begin - but I'm hoping that things will go smoothly and we can start trying in August. Sounds like we have a similar situation and timeline to TaviPDX and Sandiegongp (I'm 35 too) it will be fun go through this with some people starting around the same time.

Consider us "waiting to be ready".

B&S

 

06-22-2013 05:14 PM
jwaite05 Hi everyone.
Lovestreet, I'm really sorry to hear about AF but I LOVE that you are looking forward to next cycle. Practice makes perfect!!
Mama, I know this TWW thing isn't the best part of the process. It does wear on one's emotions. But youcan do it!

AFM... We insemd on thurs and fri morning
Today I have the signs that I'm O ing ...so timing has been good. We are camping for the next week:) hopefully the chillin time may be the magic we've been missing.
Freid, will u pls move me to the TWW

LOVE to all!!!!
06-22-2013 01:22 PM
lovestreet13

Well, AF showed up yesterday.  I was super-bummed at work yesterday when I could feel the tell-tale cramps starting in my thighs.  Luckily, a couple photo jobs and a huge storm in Minneapolis distracted me from dwelling too much.  And in the evening I had a great talk on the phone with my mom.  My DP and I are now just looking forward to the next month, and she is confident that we'll be total pros at it this time.  winky.gif

 

Can you move me to waiting to O, please?   Hope you TWWers have a better ending to your wait!!  xoxoxo
 

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