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Thread: Queer, Pregnant, & Parenting- July, August, & September 2013! Reply to Thread
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  Topic Review (Newest First)
10-02-2013 07:47 AM
lizbian ok I've created a new thread - come on over!
10-02-2013 07:21 AM
lizbian hi ladies,

I'm happy to be threadkeeper if no one else has done it, just let me know.

I moved my scan up as have been really bloated & wanted to check the ovaries & heartbeat all good! saw lots of kicking & punching and things are going perfectly. Also my ovaries are back to normal size so the remaining bloating is just pregnancy. Woo hoo!!! We're now starting to tell people, work today and friends tonight then announcing to the world. So excited. 11 weeks today!!!!
10-01-2013 01:54 PM
starling&diesel LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.
10-01-2013 01:03 PM

Okay, I finally got my internet to work. Here they are :) 








The white cake was a rainbow cake. Cupcakes were gluten free.



Dad and nephew, Dashel


 price-guessing game


My beautiful sister and me


AppleMark DW and I looking extremely exhausted after a long day of fun.

10-01-2013 12:36 PM

Oh and yes, please do let me know if you would like to be Threadkeeper for the months of October, November, & December. It's pretty easy, honestly. We all get along fairly well, I'd say :)

Folks in your second trimester might be best- i.e. gamitzer, BreadandCoffee, JenMostOften, justrose13 or Lizbian. Any takers?


10-01-2013 12:32 PM

Hi all! Please accept my apologies for being such an absent thread keeper of late. For some strange reason my email hasn't been alerting me each time there's a new post in this thread even though it alerts me to new posts in two other threads I only posted in once each. Weird. Imagine my surprise when I log in and there's been three weeks of posts! 


Jam- I am so, so sorry for your loss. I'm sending you and your DP lots of love and light during this difficult time.


Bread & Coffee- I've updated your position on the listing on the first page. Sorry about having you in the wrong spot for so long!


AFU- 32 weeks here. Been really distracted lately by preparing for a move at the end of this month. A couple weeks ago we finally decided that we were going to try to find a two bedroom and just rent our 1 bdrm condo out. Fortunately we found a great 2 bdrm town home in the same complex that my sister lives in and it's on the same side of town as most of our support network. While I'd really rather not live on that side of town again as it is where I grew up, the more practical considerations are winning out these days. So! We move on the 25th and hope to have someone in here by 11/1. Right now my friend's dad's co-worker is deep cleaning the condo so I can take pictures and post it on Craigslist. She is amazing! I may have to set up a regular schedule with her for a few months after baby girl arrives.

Last week we had our baby shower and it was so much fun! My cousins and aunt and sister went so above and beyond and we had so much fun with everyone. I truly feel so blessed to have such a great support network. Here are a few pics, which are also on Instagram with the hashtag #SotoBabyShower...


Okay, never mind. This is taking forever. I hate our internet. I will post them later :)

10-01-2013 08:54 AM

i'll be back later to check in with everyone, but for now wanted to post that dp and i are (most likely) having a girl!  she was not super cooperative about spreading her legs for the tech, but seemingly does not have a penis.  all other body parts were very visible, and are measuring right on.  my favorite part was watching her hands and feet wave around in front of her face while the tech did all of the top-down brain measurements.  

09-30-2013 04:58 PM

Thank you for the encouragement everyone! Every day is one day closer. Just can't wait until this baby is laying on my chest and not my colon! (sorry, but it's true!)


Lizbian & BreadandCoffee - hope you both had great results and satisfying views of growing little beans at your scans today!


esenbee - so freakin' cute!!


granite - What a project! As stressful as it was to move mid-pregnancy, I am grateful that I was going somewhere bigger so we did not have those struggles. The work baby shower was really sweet, and the car is a relief to have taken care of. I've also had major (exhausting) success moving along some projects at work which is such a relief, and now I'm just wondering whether it makes sense to start my leave early since I'm so uncomfortable, or try to keep working and save my leave time for once baby is here. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Baby has been head down through the entire third trimester, and has been sinking lower and lower each week. He was a little posterior a few weeks ago but seems to have rotated within the last two weeks, thanks to either dumb luck or my reliance on hands & knees type poses to relieve the pressure his body was putting on my organs. Really, though I vent about the discomfort, I've been very fortunate from a medical sense - low blood pressure, no risk factors, good position, etc. I am so ready to do this!


Hello and good luck to everyone else!!

09-30-2013 12:57 PM

32 weeks, escher, woohoo! That's fantastic! No idea about size of babes-in-utero, but hopefully others here will chime in? Or ask at QP...


Esenbee, your boys are lovely and I especially love the expression on your DD's face in that last one! Just gorgeous. Hurrah for a full night's rest, too.


So excited for your scan, Liz... And glad you had a good relaxing vacation, without the obligatory family visiting. That's what it's like for DP and I too, when we go to the other side of the country to see both of our families: Too much talking, driving, eating, and more talking! I love it, but also find it totally exhausting; I can't imagine doing it pregnant, even without OHSS. FX that Pinto's looking great tomorrow!


Patience is a virtue that I struggle with, Sphinxy, so I'm feeling you on the countdown to babe-in-arms... Vacuuming is also on my list of useful distracting activities. How was the baby shower with your work colleagues? And the new car? What position is baby in?


Hi, BandC! I'm in the FB group, and it moves in fits and starts pretty much like here... Though the majority of the active participants seem to be those who already have kiddos, and aren't posting here on MDC anymore. I like it mostly for the cute baby photos, to be honest.


As for preparations that I wish I'd done sooner... Well. The major thing is that DP and I have a 3 bedroom apartment, and for the past couple years we'd been using one for sleeping and then each had a studio space. We decided to make the smaller of these two into another bedroom, which will eventually be the kid's when they/we need it... But that meant amalgamating all of our art stuff into the other room, which has been a gong show and honestly still is a total mess. There's very little common space in the rest of our suite, and virtually no storage, so it's also meant getting rid of several pieces of furniture, and generally moving around what feels like *everything* else. On top of that, I've been making & freezing meals, sewing old flannel and wool into diapering gear, and trying to get to at least a small amount of the gardening & food preserving I usually do at this time of year. Your loft railing issue sounds like an interesting problem-solving exercise! I gotta say, while I don't like living in a basement suite in general, I'm glad that there's not much in the way of potentially-dangerous architecture... Though I sure miss the skylights of DP's old loft apartment.


We haven't found out the sex of our baby... Well, actually, DP knows, but doesn't tell anyone that she does, and keeps saying that it's only a probability anyway as the tech could be wrong. So, officially, we say "we" don't know :wink. I don't want to know because I like the surprise. DP wanted to know because she didn't want anyone else to know more about her kid that she does. We call the baby Derek/Delilah, because those are names that DP's mother suggested and that we both dislike intensely, so know we won't end up using them. We started using these names around 11 weeks, I think... Which was pretty much when we transitioned into calling it baby instead of fetus. For what we'll actually call her/him, all of the names on our list are gender-neutral, though weirdly enough I've realized that I actually would prefer different ones depending on the sex of the baby. I can't explain that. Mostly, though, I want to see the kid first, before choosing... All in all, though, I feel very "bonded" to this baby, and I'm pretty sure DP does too, regardless of what we know or have decided.


Starling, I'm glad to know we have a few weeks before the government will force us to choose a name!


Omg, this post is turning into an essay... Sorry, and hello to all I missed! I haven't got much to report myself... I'm 35 weeks, and feeling pretty good! My mom's coming to visit for a few days, and I'm so looking forward to it.


Hey, we need a new Threadkeeper for October, November, December! Any takers? Ideally someone in 2nd trimester... It's not hard; Sotohana will pass on the info to you...

09-30-2013 05:26 AM
escher Hi All,

I'm popping back in after a fairly long time lurking. innocent.gif

Sphinxy: You're so close! Wow! I hope the birth goes beautifully and you get to meet your little one soon!

Esenbee: They are beautiful. I especially love the picture of all three of your kids!

Lizbian: Good luck with your scan today! fingersx.gif

Breadandcoffee: Good luck with your scan today too! fingersx.gif

Hi to everyone else!

AFM: 32 weeks now! It is hard for me to believe that we are only 5 weeks away from full term. I don't feel mentally prepared yet at all. At the appointment last week the baby was measuring a little bit small. The midwife thought it might just be because the baby's head is very low, but she also suggested that my wife try to eat more in general and especially more protein. Does anyone have a reassuring story about a baby measuring a bit small and then being totally fine? Thanks!
09-29-2013 05:51 PM
esenbee2 gamitzer -we like the name Benjamin smile.gif My little Benji approves!

AFU -doing okay over here. DSp took over night duty for 1 night last week and I was able to get a full night's rest (other than pumping). They onlywoke up for their feeding on a normal schedule and went right back to sleep! Why can't they do that for me ?!

Here's a pic of the boys fresh and clean after their baths tonight. I love their Filipino hair! Benjamin's shows it off better.

09-29-2013 11:00 AM

granite - thanks!!! I'm just back from Portugal and had a great, relaxing time. My doc wouldn't give me a pic of the embie at the last scan, I have to wait for the 12 week one to get a copy but it's a moment I won't forget! I can't believe how close you are now, it seems like just a couple of months! I hope it goes well for you.


Sphinxy - close now! thanks for the tip about yoga. I'm not much of a yoga person, more of a team sports person but I think I'll have to change my mind!!!


esenbee - I feel for you, it's making me tired just reading!


bread&coffee I'm with you in the nervous first trimester. Next week is my 12 weeks scan so looking forward to that. We're also leaning towards 20 weeks scan but will decide for sure when we get there. In the meantime we're calling the little one 'pinto' as in pinto bean.


gamitzer - how exciting!!! congratulations and great name. Do you plan to tell people his name before the birth, or wait until after?


AFM just back from 2 weeks in Portugal after a very relaxing holiday. It was so much better than rushing around Oz seeing family & friends. The 3 hour flight has made my OHSS much worse and takes a few days to sort out so I can't imagine what a 24 hour flight would be like. Tomorrow week we have our 12 week scan and I'm a combination of nervous & excited about it, praying everything goes well. Good luck to everyone almost due!!!

09-28-2013 11:33 AM
Sphinxy Congrats gamitzer! Love the name!

Good luck on Monday, breadandcoffee!

38 weeks and 2 days here. Struggling to keep patient and peaceful. Vacuuming the house, cleaning my car, anything to stay distracted and moving.
09-26-2013 03:08 PM

gamitzer-Benjamin is a very sweet name.  my cousin's second child is Bennett, and he's a very lovely little Ben.  


yes, my dp and i are having an anatomy scan on monday.  that will be 19 weeks 1 day--so a little bit earlier than yours.  i specifically want to check out his/her little profile, and we both want to know the sex so we can start calling the fetus by name. 


have you started looking pregnant yet to yourself and/or the world?  


i'm not sure who the threadkeeper is these days, but hello!, and whenever possible, i'd like to be moved to the correct month (which is february).  EDD is 2.22.2014  

09-26-2013 01:24 PM

Yup, we got some great pics, including a good profile shot.  My DS wanted to bring one of the picutres to school today, but said he definitely was not bringing the penis picture (the tech put a giant arrow by the  We're planning to name him Benjamin. :)


BandC, are you guys doing an anatomy scan?  And/or try to find out the sex?  You're next in line after our kid!

09-26-2013 12:00 PM

congratulations gamitzer!  were you able to see pretty clear images of his profile, etc?  have your dp and you decided on a name yet?

09-26-2013 11:38 AM
esenbee2 My DD has always had short hair. When she was 9 months old, we were in a check out line and an older couple stopped to admire her. She was wearing a white top with purple accents and purple strech pants with a ruffle on the butt. The women went on and on about wjat a cute boy she was, despite me answering all of her questions with "She is..." Then the women kept going on about "Why would your mommy dress a boy with ruffle butt pants." The whole thing was pretty ridiculous. People always tend to go off of hair length to jump to sex determinations. I just don't get why it even matters to add in a pronoun. Wouldn't saying, Oh, you have such a cute baby... work just fine?
09-26-2013 11:04 AM
carmen358 Congratulations on a healthy baby boy :)
09-26-2013 10:03 AM
Originally Posted by gamitzer View Post

It's a BOY!  The ultrasound was this morning, and DS was so patient and interested during the whole thing.  As soon as they said it was a boy, he grinned and hugged DP so tight.  It was also nice that the ultrasound tech let him ask if she could see babies pee during ultrasounds.  The answer is YES.  Haha.  We are so happy he looks healthy and all is well.  I got teary just seeing my little guy on the screen. :throb

Yay! congrats!

09-26-2013 08:20 AM

It's a BOY!  The ultrasound was this morning, and DS was so patient and interested during the whole thing.  As soon as they said it was a boy, he grinned and hugged DP so tight.  It was also nice that the ultrasound tech let him ask if she could see babies pee during ultrasounds.  The answer is YES.  Haha.  We are so happy he looks healthy and all is well.  I got teary just seeing my little guy on the screen. :throb

09-24-2013 10:43 AM
Originally Posted by mrsandmrs View Post

We have to deal with everyone's shit about gender regardless. .

Yup. In all it's forms.
My 4yo girl has short hair and was wearing a pink cape, pink pajamas and orange crocs at the library last week and the grandma beside her referred to her as a boy. EVEN WITH ALL THAT PINK! Because in her mind, it was more plausible that a boy would wear pink than a girl would have short hair? Then we went to the park and she changed into her blue swim shorts and brown swim top, and everyone who didn't know her figured her for a boy.
My 2yo boy wears his sisters hand-me-down dresses and supposedly girlish pants and no one assumes he's a girl now that he has short hair, but when he had long flowing locks, everyone assumed he was a girl, no matter what he was wearing!
And that's just two examples ...
09-24-2013 10:23 AM
mrsandmrs We had a pact that we would wait to find out the sex until birth, unless it was twins, then we needed less surprises in our lives. Lo & behold. it was twins so we got to find out. After we knew, I felt so much more bonded to the fetii. I realized that the sex was this one small piece of information I *could* know, when there was so much I could not know. I didn't realize it would be as important to me as it was.

We have to deal with everyone's shit about gender regardless. Yesterday a woman assumed I have two girls and started taking to me about strong leo women. Based on what, I have no idea. The twins are 6 weeks old and they were both wearing gray.
09-24-2013 06:29 AM
carmen358 W didn't find out for either kiddo. Although we too wanted to avoid all the expectations, labels, etc be honest we mostly just LOVED the surprise! It was really cool to not know and let our curiosity grow smile.gif
09-23-2013 02:04 PM
gamitzer I'm 20 weeks and our ultrasound is on Thursday! I was dying to know with ds, but this one is mostly for others who want to know. Ds is coming with us and is hoping for a brother. I would have sworn it was a boy until the last few weeks but now I'm having girl thoughts. Hmm! Either way, we are excited to see some baby parts since dp couldn't come to the 12 week ultrasound.
09-23-2013 10:32 AM

sphinxy-my dp and i also knew we'd find out the sex if we ended up having a 20 week ultrasound for the same reason--because it seemed odd to have someone else know more information about our potential baby than we did.  my fertility acupuncturist will also be able to tell sex from my pulses, but the last time i was there it was still too early.  at that point, her guess was that we were having a very masculine girl baby...which cracked me up.  we never intended to not call our child "he" or "she" in alignment with biological sex, we just had designs on having a first name that would have been used regardless.  thanks for sharing about yourself and bonding, it was helpful and interesting to read.


your birthing-center-within-the-hospital birth plan sounds really good, and it always seems like the most important thing is to be in alignment with your practitioners.  i appreciate the way you sound so flexible about exactly what everything ends up looking like.  where are you now?  37 weeks?  you're getting so close to meeting your babe!  


starling&diesel-naming is such a huge responsibility--i totally get not being able to choose between two names you're equally into.  my dp came up with both of our middle name options (which come from 50's painter namesakes) and i especially love them because they were chosen by her.  how lovely to have two children named by your dp.  and, i do believe in listening to my/our gut when it comes to parenting, although i'm a little mind-blown about how important it feels in my gut to see this eventual babe's profile when she's only half-grown.  on the other hand, i don't want to abandon all of my ideas about the type of parent i want to be, and how i want to live with our child once he's actually here.  i'm striving for some combination of gut and idealistic daydream.


i am a sometimes-teacher, and i have seen how difficult it is to avoid gender stuff once children are nearing school age, regardless of whether or not they even attend brick and mortar school.  my dp and i are going to be able to split time caring for our child until she/he goes to school, and i'm really grateful we'll be able to immerse her in our world and values for an extended time.  we live in a place where there is a large population of long-haired boys and men and buzz-cut-sporting girls and women, and so there are lots of examples of ways one can choose to dress and look.  my main hope is for our child to learn how and why she makes choices, and to be able to cope with all of the societal expectations that will be coming his way for his entire lifetime.


afm-i'm headed back to my midwife for an appointment tomorrow morning, and i have to finish tracking everything i eat on a chart to take with me.  charting has been really helpful for making sure i'm eating enough protein, but otherwise it feels a lot like having an intense eating disorder. right now i'm doing work in a building at the university, and there is a table of pastries for a program orientation staring at me.  the chocolate muffin looks incredible.  in an attempt to not be a thief, i'm drinking my pregnancy tea, eating my almonds and apple slices, and drooling.

09-21-2013 01:29 PM
Originally Posted by Sphinxy View Post

We chose a gendered name, and now call him "him". We will continue with this until he can tell us to do otherwise, knowing that our household will always be a safe space for him and that though we are very sensitive to this issue, the likelihood that he is transgender is actually quite small.

This. Absolutely. Well said!
09-21-2013 01:24 PM
starling&diesel Hi bread&coffee ...
We didn't find out with our first child, and called the baby, "Baby." That worked for us because of our thoughts about personhood and when it starts, in our opinion. We never used the term "fetus." We called the baby "Sparkle" too, if I recall.
We did find out with our second child, and started calling him by male pronouns from that point.
With both kids, we waited until they were born before we named them. DP hurriedly chose the name for E (from our favourite three that we we considering) during a very perilous first few moments immediately after her birth, and then suggested that I have the final say on our second child's name.
After five weeks and a notice of an impending fine from Vital Statistics, she ultimately chose his name too, because I simply couldn't decide between our two top contenders.
It's only now, almost five years since our first child was born, that we have way more gender stuff coming up with regards to our oldest child.
We're a house where our girl-child has a buzz cut and our boy-child loves dresses more than his sister, and one parent is gender queer, so not surprising, really.
Ultimately, listen to your gut! You'll be relying on instinct a lot when you're in the throws of parenting, so might as well start now, eh?
09-20-2013 04:58 PM
Sphinxy Hi breadandcoffee! I'm not active on the Facebook group so I can't comment on how busy they are over there, but I can say that this group tends to ebb and flow, sometimes really active and sometimes not as much.

I think I can relate a bit to your politics and name debate. I didn't have specific feelings about the word fetus I guess but it was really hard for me to bond before we reached the point of true viability and I got uncomfortable when people would call me "mom" or get overly invested in the "baby" at what felt like too early in the pregnancy. I also had a really hard time with everyone who seemed invested in knowing the sex. I didn't care about the sex so much as I didn't want a tech or doc to know more about my potential baby than I did, and we had already decided on getting the 20 wk u/s so we went ahead and found out. It was great to know something more about "him" around the same time that my belly was showing and I was feeling movements - it did help us bond more - but it took me a couple days to be comfortable even calling him a "him". I had this idea that we would call him a "bio male", and try to resist gendered pronouns but eventually we just decided that this was not realistic for us and the world we live in. We chose a gendered name, and now call him "him". We will continue with this until he can tell us to do otherwise, knowing that our household will always be a safe space for him and that though we are very sensitive to this issue, the likelihood that he is transgender is actually quite small.

We have planned to deliver in the "birthing center" at our local community hospital with a large midwifery practice in town. I would rather not use pain medication or interventions but I have purposefully chosen practitioners and a facility that align with my definition of "medically necessary," so my plan is to trust their recommendations and try to go with the flow. I would love for my mom and sister to join us in the room for the birth if they can make it in time, they live out of town. I'll probably use a tub for relaxation during labor but I'm not convinced I'd be comfortable actually delivering in it. We'll see!

Good luck to you!
09-20-2013 10:41 AM

good morning, all.  thank you for the welcome a while back.  i was extremely worried during my first trimester, and it helped staying away from online pregnancy stuff.  now that i'm nearly 18 weeks, i'm much more calm, and i'm starting to read along again.  i'm going to try picking up here, and being a part of this group.  i'm sort of wondering whether a lot of interaction is happening on the facebook page instead, though, because this space seems a lot different than it had before.  i don't do facebook, so i'm not looking to join that space--i'm just trying to figure out the dynamic here.


mrsandmrs--your comment about drinking some beer or wine while breastfeeding made me so happy.  my dp and i were out for japanese last night, at a place where i always order wine, and it was sad sitting on my side with a carafe of water rather than wine.  for the first 15 weeks or so, wine and coffee smelled completely rancid to me...but now it smells and tastes so good (i had a sip)!  and, breastfeeding twins for an extended period does sound like a tremendous undertaking.  


granite--i laughed and laughed about your punk rawk rep.  i bet it recovers just fine.  what other preparatory things are you doing now that you wish you had done earlier (or would have been faster earlier, i guess)?  my dp and i are purposefully waiting until early january to do the bit of baby adjustment we have planned, but mostly for monetary reasons.  it's not really all that much anyway...just taking apart our brick and plank shelves, and bracketing them to another wall, and finding/buying/building an extra book/storage shelf.  our biggest issue, that we're trying to solve without doing anything expensive or bougie, is blocking off the railing around our upstairs loft (where our bed is).  the loft opens onto the downstairs living area, and the railing all the way around is made from poles and wire.  


sphinxy--good luck waiting for your baby to be born.  what kind of birth are you hoping for?


my dp and i are surprisingly leaning toward having a 20ish week ultrasound and finding out the babe's sex.  we never thought we'd do either of these things, but we are both really excited to see the fetus' profile, and watch him/her move around.  for a long time, we planned to choose one name for the baby regardless of sex--the name has changed over time, but one, androgynous name was always a requirement for naming.  we had one toward the beginning of the pregnancy, but as time passed, i was liking it less and less.  then we came up with a name that we would love to use for a bio boy child, but wouldn't choose for a girl.  so, at this point, we have expanded our rule to consider all names, regardless of whether we deem them androgynous enough.  additionally, my politics keep me from referring to the fetus as anything other than "the fetus" (never baby), and i'm starting to feel like saying fetus all the time is hindering bonding on some level.  which, leads us to the ultrasound, finding out the probable sex, and starting to call the fetus by a name.


for those of you who didn't find out the sex, what do you call your fetus?  have you had a similar bonding issue?  do you have a guess about the sex?  what are your reasons for not finding out?


hello to everyone i missed.  it is starting to feel particularly fall-y in the pacific northwest, and i hope the same is true for you all.

09-18-2013 12:09 AM
Sphinxy Thank you so much for the support, everyone! "No one stays pregnant forever" - can't tell you how many times I've repeated that to myself since reading your post mrs&mrs, thanks!

It's about 3am here on the east coast, and I maybe got almost 5 hours of sleep. Hopefully I'll get a little more before I'm up for good. Big day, big milestone. It's our last day of potential prematurity. It's also going to be a loooong day - back-to-back meetings at work starting at 8am (bleh), followed by picking up DW's new car, followed by baby shower from my coworkers. All good stuff just tiring, and I know I won't be able to prop up my poor swollen feet for most of it. I hope I can just keep breathing and enjoy it.

Have a great day everyone!

Eta- granite, just know that when I read your thing about crying over baseboards, my first reaction was , "oh, yeah, totally makes sense." The things I have cried over... Most notably was probably the large curtain rod in our living room that took DW about an hour to hang and when it was done it was... Not right. And convincing her that it needed to be redone in order to frame the windows properly was not easy, but suddenly SO IMPORTANT.
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