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  Topic Review (Newest First)
05-30-2014 02:15 PM
pokeyac Hello everyone! I love the new smilies!

All is well here. C is going to be 1 in 27 days. I cannot believe it! He is very close to walking too. My FIL is coming to visit for his birthday and that will be lovely. We're going to have a party in a park with our friends and C's baby friends. He had his first ear infection and he is getting his molars. Those things combined with learning to walk make him rather crabby sometimes, but he is also getting more cuddly so that makes up for it, mostly.

isa-C also loves to play in the sand and he loves being outdoors. We have some veggies growing and I'm sure he will want to check them out. We are going to get him a little pool for the patio. I'm sorry sleep is rough. I hope she figures it out soon. She's knows you are there for her no matter what. I hope you are feeling well too.
05-22-2014 06:59 AM
prettyisa Hi everyone! How are things going? Any exciting summery-type stuff going on? We've been gardening like maniacs--DD really likes to dig in the dirt, so I'm not sure we'll get any tomatoes this year, but she's so happy I can't stop her. I'm trying to figure out where we could put a sandbox in our dinky little yard.

Seraf--sleep is rough again. She still doesn't get out of bed, but she'll lie there calling for us for almost an hour after bedtime. Not usually crying so much as a constant refrain of 'mama! mama! I have an owie! An OWIE! MAMA! I need MEDICINE! twinkle twinkle little...MAMA!' and so on. We're trying to break the habit of going in there to talk to her since it doesn't make her any more calm and just seems to draw it out longer, but it's hard to ignore!
04-28-2014 05:59 PM
seraf Isa, yay for a good night! Have they continued? Soren still calls from the bed when he wakes. Shay gets up on his own.
04-26-2014 07:41 PM
pokeyac Welcome ReinaQ! I'm so glad you found us. I hope your journey to parenthood is smooth. Feel free to join us on the Queer Conceptions thread when you are ready to ttc.
We went to an accountant this year and he is going to look at our returns from the last few years to see if we can file amended returns. We may not be because I got big returns because if my deductions for the medical bills from getting pregnant. Sperm and all the other stuff is tax deductible!
04-23-2014 08:53 PM
ReinaQ Hi.
I'm brand new to this site. Although not a mother yet, God willing in the next year, my wife and I have been having more specific conversations lately. One of which has been on homeschooling. After much search (via google) I'm beyond happy to have stumbled upon this page! I look forward to learning more as well as having support for when the time does come.
: ) Reina

[@pokeyAC: My wife & I filed jointly as well this year. Our amazing tax guy informed us that we can get retro for all of the years we've been (legally) married. So you might want to look into that. As it is from previous years I don't think there's a deadline to file. I do know you can't file online. But it's definitely worth it. Good luck!]
04-23-2014 05:19 PM
Owlyce @prettyisa thanks for the welcome. We are in Gainesville.
@pokeyAC and @seraf thanks. Looking forward to being part of the group
04-23-2014 08:56 AM
prettyisa It was great! She was SO excited to see it when she got home from school--immediately got her books out and lay down to read. Then at bedtime she wanted to see me after DP tucked her in and she was just so proud of her bed--lying there and grinning and too hyped up to sleep. She did pretty well, though, and her main stalling technique was to ask to use the potty--which she did, successfully, so that'll work whenever she wants to try it to buy more time. Then she slept all night and didn't get up this morning until her usual time, and then she stayed in her room and called for us. My guess is that it won't last as well once she realizes that she can get out of there on her own, but it was a nice first night!


04-23-2014 07:21 AM
seraf Isa, how did the new bed go? Yay for a safe sleep space, even if it's less convenient. My boys just crossed the 6am line and sleep until almost 8 (so 11ish hours straight). It's delightful.

Owlyce, I'm adding you to the front page.
04-22-2014 11:25 AM
pokeyac Welcome Owl! Congratulations on your upcoming ceremony! My best friend lives in Portland, and there are quite a few folks on here from the Pacific Northwest. I love Portland. It's a great city.
04-22-2014 11:16 AM
prettyisa Pokey--thanks! I am hoping so, too! I'm ok with a c-section, but I'd like to avoid surgery if possible. And yes, it was terrifying for us, so I don't know what it was like for her. Though I have caught her standing up and considering it again. SO GLAD the toddler bed and mattress are all here now, so my afternoon project is getting her big-girl room ready to go. WIsh us luck, though--it's going to be a long couple nights. All our fault for letting her come to bed to sleep for the last hour every morning before we get up, but now she thinks our bed is an ok place to want to be.

Owl--welcome! Nice to have new folks around here! Where in FL are you? My wife is from Naples, and we talk about moving there sometime in the future, various things depending.
04-22-2014 09:48 AM

Hi I'm owl.  My partner and I have 3 children on earth and one baby girl angel (whooping cough at 18 months). All from previous hetero relationships.  I carried all but our angel baby.  My fiancee doesn't want to carry any more. We do plan on one or two more but are waiting for Dear fiancees baby brother to turn 18 so he can be the sperm donor.  (3 more years)  Our children two girls 9 and 8 and a boy 6.   Our angel would have been 7.

We live in Florida but are saving our money to move to Portland, OR.

We're having a commitment ceremony 9-26-15 and will fly to Washington state to make it all legal after. (I've got family there, DF has many friends.)

04-21-2014 04:19 PM
pokeyac Hi Max! C is almost 10 months too and I agree with seraf, this is a really fun age! 6 months was a bit hard because he was crying a lot but since then it's been really cool. I hope you are able to succeed with your scheme. I'm sure you would enjoy it.

Hi prettyisa! I believe you said on the other thread that the boys are in good positions for vaginal birth. I hope they stay in those good positions so you can do that. Jumping from the crib sounds a little scary. I have memories of jumping out of my crib as a baby. Not sure if they are real or dreams but it's a long way when you are so small.
04-17-2014 09:17 AM
prettyisa Hi Max! I can't believe your little guy is already more than 9 months old! That went by fast!

Seraf--nope, but the day is nigh! Last night she did her first jump from the crib. Not hurt, but lots of crying. We should be getting it this weekend at her family birthday party. We're big wimps about falling, so she hasn't really done it much yet. We don't really let her climb on much, so it's been rare to have her dive off of things. I set up her sleeping bunny alarm clock this morning, so we'll see how that goes, and am planning to toddler-proof her room tonight (it's mostly done, but there are some random things in there that I wouldn't want her destroying in the middle of the night).
04-17-2014 05:24 AM
seraf Isa, did you already transition her? My guys started in a big bed, but they're starting to do a little more laying down alone these days.

Birth memories, I don't know. My one who cried the most had the fastest and easiest (from my perspective) labor. The one who cried the most is also the only girl. She had some dietary stuff, but mostly I figure she was just the most expressive. It's been my experience that girls are expressive from birth. My boys are differently expressive. Than her and Han each other. She just get special marks for being the most. Of course, she grew out of big crying by a few months. Maybe you've moved out of it already, too.

Max, 9-12 month is one of the cutest ages! Jeeze! Good luck with getting home more.
04-12-2014 06:21 PM
maxK Hi Everyone! Miss you all. Our baby boy is now 9.5 months old and what a wild ride it's been. He is so animated and has such a little personality already. It's so cute and mind blowing at the same time.
I wish I could be here more but I am working a ton. We have a Manny that stays at home with our son during the week. I am definitely scheming about working less, won't take much I just have to say no to jobs that come my way!
03-24-2014 09:26 AM

b&c i'm glad the diaper changes are going more smoothly. i found the moby wrap to be helpful because it seemed to combine the calming affects of being held/near the heart and the security of the swaddle. i would pop in the screaming baby and he would settle within a few seconds or minutes, and then i could go about my day or tend to the other baby's needs, the dishes, the chickens, the coffee, whatever. if you feel like you can't go "hands free" with the moby, it's likely that you need to tie it tighter. i struggled with that in the beginning. a stretchy wrap by nature stretches as you use it, so it needs to be quite tight whenever you put the baby in. there are some good youtube videos the helped me a lot. maybe it's the twins thing, or maybe just my style, but baby wearing has been invaluable for me. i would not have survived the "fourth trimester" without it. and now i can't stop! i spent this weekend wearing between 15 and 30 lbs of baby the entire time. 

03-24-2014 07:37 AM
prettyisa B&C--glad you found a solution. Supposedly one day it will actually be spring and you won't have to change diapers under the tent anymore! Also, I think that there's something to the idea that if it is working to get your parents' attention, why change how you're yelling? Newborn crying is SO much harder on parents than older baby crying--it's set to get you to react immediately. My guess is that as she gets out of her 'fourth trimester' in a couple months the kind of yelling that really gets to you will be replaced by more normal crying that you can override your hormones when you hear it and react to less frantically. Both my DP and I were on edge with our DD for the first few months every time she cried because it was just so intense. We had a snuggi wrap, which I found a lot better for me than a Moby--it's made of sweatshirt material, so it's a little firmer and made me feel like she was more secure, but otherwise it's the same. I never did figure out a sling for her, especially when she was so tiny. It's helpful to have them close to you but still be able to do other things, and especially for walks so you don't need to take a big stroller. If she's yelling a lot for reasons you can't identify (not hungry, wet, etc) it can be great to wear her and let her be close to one of you for long periods of time. I also think that it's possible to go a long way down the road of what-ifs regarding a 'perfect' birth. If it's helpful for you to work through those issues, do it, but don't feel like you need to make it up to her or beat yourselves up because things didn't go the way you planned. Many births are less than perfect, in many ways, and the kids turn out just fine anyway.

Anyone have any advice for a big bed transition? We're going to give DD a toddler bed for her birthday--not, sadly, because she gets out of her crib. She doesn't. But we don't want it to feel like we're stealing her bed to give to a brother, so the birthday seems like an opportunity to sneak it past her. I'm making her a new quilt, and we've been reading a book about baby animals that outgrow their nests and need a bigger sleeping space. Any other suggestions?
03-23-2014 08:45 PM

thanks for the responses pokeyAC and mrsandmrs...


pokey--our house is totally chilly sometimes, and it also fluctuates in temperature because we have baseboard heaters and don't have a thermostat.  i like the idea of using a hot water bottle, but there is no way i'd want to add that extra step to every diaper change--especially because we don't have a water source upstairs.  we started putting the wool blanket i knit for the baby on her during her diaper changes (and also tilted the surface where we've been changing her since she seems to dislike being horizontal) and it has made a huge difference.  the only times she has screamed since we made the change were during times when she was super hungry but needed to be changed before eating.  otherwise, the set-up is a bit awkward, and makes it like changing diapers under a tent...but totally, totally worth it.


mrsandmrs--i partly agree about little babies not being able to learn bad habits (and certainly believe that babies' wants and needs are fully aligned at this point), but i also wonder about reverting to particular modes of reaction as they happen over and over.  one of my midwives talked to my dp and me about the way babies often go back to their birth experience, and particularly talked about birth trauma since we had an emergency c-section.  sometimes it feels like she goes really quickly into the specific scream/cry i first heard her make in the operating room, and i wonder if she would make that same cry as often, or as quickly, if she had been born at home and hadn't had such a dramatic introduction to the world.  it feels like one of the hardest things to determine which baby behaviors are purely developmental and will pass, and which are important to actively address and tweak for everyone's sanity.  and, i just borrowed a moby wrap from a friend to test out with the baby.  why was it so helpful for you?  because it's a good place to calm an unhappy baby?  so far i haven't gotten comfortable enough with positioning her in either my sling or the moby to have both hands free.

03-21-2014 12:15 PM

I don't think one month old babies can learn bad habits like that, so I wouldn't worry about that. I know it is stressful and upsetting for the parents, but this phase shall pass. I have twins, and one of them screamed almost around the clock when he was that age. Crying is the only way they have to communicate, and they dont always know what they are communicating. Cold, hot, uncomfortable, hungry, tired, lonely, bored, overstimulated - everything comes out as a scream! if you are able, i really got a lot of mileage out of the moby wrap during this phase. We still use the wipes warmer, simply because we found that it was awfully convenient with the cloth wipes. Good luck. 

03-21-2014 11:54 AM
pokeyac I would guess she is cold. They can find being naked very unsettling when they are so little. That's why they tell you to change their diaper to wake them up. Are you changing her in the same place? Is there a warmer spot you could use? You could try putting a heating pad or hot water bottle or something on the changing pad before you put her on it, or keep part of her covered while you are working another part of her body. It may not be very comforting but the screaming could just be a totally normal way for her to communicate with you. She may not learn to use it in other situations. Babies this age go through so many little phases where they do something for a little bit and then they stop and move onto something else. "This too shall pass" is my mantra. This may just be a phase that won't last long.
03-21-2014 11:15 AM

hi queer parenting folks,

my lovely little babe is just about a month old, and for the past few days she has been screaming and screaming during her diaper changes/clothing changes.  did this happen to anyone else?  what did you do?  my dp and i have been talking her through what we're doing and/or singing, and try to stay super calm...but nothing has been working consistently.  what really worries me us that she seems to be teaching herself to scream whenever she's a bit uncomfortable.  so, if she screams because she doesn't like to lay on her back/be naked/be cold, she should also scream if she's a little hungry, a little tired, etc.  she's such a calm and happy baby generally.  it's hard to see her getting so upset so many times a day.


thanks in advance for any suggestions.

03-01-2014 05:48 AM
seraf Wow, I've been a bad board checker!

Isa! Boys rock! Congratulations!

Gametzer, congratulations! My kids sure got more I dependent with each new baby, but we kept special routines like bedtime. Once the little guy gets to be 4ish months old, the older guy will never know so much love. Babies and toddlers worship their bigs.
02-24-2014 11:56 AM
pokeyac Hi CocoBird! Glad to see you back around!

isa-That's so cute! It's amazing how they grow up and learn new things.

gamitzer-I'm glad your in-laws are coming around. My MIL got off to a rough start because our son is not biologically related to my wife. She thought we should adopt instead so that our child wouldn't be related to either of us. greensad.gif I knew she would come around, and she did. Now, she can't get enough of that baby and is sad we live far away. When I was on maternity leave, I sent her a picture of him every day.
02-24-2014 06:02 AM
prettyisa Gamitzer--congrats on baby Ben! And on your in-laws' sudden excitement about your family. I think that happens a lot (though sadly not always). We found that a lot of the dumb things my DP's mom said before the baby arrived (in her case not homophobic, more things like, 'just call me the florida grandma, because she won't know who I am anyway') disappeared the instant there was actually a little girl on the scene. Now they're very bonded to each other and she doesn't say anything other than that we should move down there so they can see each other more. She has also started to come out about DP and I to a lot of people, including random clients at work where there is no reason to do it other than that it's normal to talk about your family. I hope your DP's parents continue to be so excited and in love and that you all benefit from it! Definitely interested to hear any ideas about how to make kid #1 feel still loved when the siblings arrive, since that's been on my mind a lot lately.

AFM--two funny things from this weekend: E an I got on several elevators and each time E proudly announced that we were going to ride the 'alligator', which sounds much more adventurous! And then last night my dad and stepmom were visiting us, and E took them both by the hand into her room, closed the door, and proceeded to have a party for almost an hour. Whenever they'd try to open the door to see if we were worried about her she would climb over my dad, say, 'excuse me grandpa Rick,' and slam the door so they could keep playing. It was the first time she's ever wanted to have her friends over without all those pesky mamas getting in the way. smile.gif
02-24-2014 01:41 AM
gamitzer Hi all, baby Ben was born on 2/17 and we could not be happier or more in love! DS1 (age 6) is doing really well, but is definitely needing some extra praise and attention. I made sure to spend a lot of alone time with him over the weekend, and purposely snuggled and read books before bed with him, making sure he stills feels special and deserving of my time. If anyone has advice on maintaining this close bond, please share!
In also happy news, my wife's parents seem transformed by having a grandchild! They have always been surface level supportive of our relationship, but seemed mostly closeted like not telling people about us/our family, our marriage last year, etc. But their first grandchild (non bio for them) seems to have softened their hearts and they are spreading the word like crazy! I wasn't expecting it, but hoped they would come around. Mostly I am just very happy for my wife because she feels so validated right now and proud her parents are treating our son just as she was hoping they would. Yay!
02-20-2014 08:29 PM

Isa!! Congratulations!! :) So exciting. And hi, everyone! I haven't been on here in a while, but I was missing you.

02-20-2014 01:37 PM

we can never have enough twin boys around here! congrats!

02-20-2014 11:43 AM
pokeyac Congratulations on twin baby boys, isa! We were due for another set. I hope you are feeling well and that the tantrums ease up. I imagine it must be difficult to deal with a toddler while pregnant with twins.
02-20-2014 09:31 AM
escher Congratulations on the boys, Isa! joy.gif
02-19-2014 02:19 PM
prettyisa Boys! That's what's new here. Which means I've been sifting through piles and piles of baby clothes to get all of the pink frilly stuff out. I'm pleasantly surprised by how much of our baby stuff is neutral or even clearly intended for boys, so there's probably not all that much that we'll need to buy. It's sad to say goodbye to some of my favorite outfits, though. We also seem to be butting up against 2 in terms of tantrums. E cried all the way home from daycare because I told her we didn't have kids at home to play with yesterday. She's also started pretending to be a puppy, which is very cute. And she demands that we help her do everything, which is getting less and less pleasant as I get bigger and it becomes more work to drag myself up and follow her to choose a new book every time.

Other than that, my house is a pit, but it's sunny out and even kind of warm, so things are looking up! smile.gif
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