Mothering Forums - Reply to Topic

Thread: atheist/agnostic tribe Reply to Thread
Title:
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Trackback:
Send Trackbacks to (Separate multiple URLs with spaces) :
Post Icons
You may choose an icon for your message from the following list:
 

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



  Additional Options
Miscellaneous Options

  Topic Review (Newest First)
09-16-2014 12:56 AM
Earthyone Hi and just wanted to say that I'm happy to see this tribe exists
01-02-2014 08:32 PM
triscuit
Quote:
Originally Posted by cynthiamoon View Post
 

 

I am in Colorado, and though I know a lot of atheists, what I seem to find troublesome is that without religion there aren't that many *structured* communities for us to be a part of. I grew up in church, and my parents continue to be active in theirs, and I can't help but be jealous of the fellowship they enjoy. I think it's hard because atheists, generally speaking, have little else in common! Religions can come with a nice, built in commonality that makes fellowship easier. 

 

We've contemplated starting some kind of Salon or "Atheist Sunday School" to have a place for discussion and community building, but I am worried people will think I am a wannabe cult leader. 

Kind of an older post but I just saw this and totally agree. I'm in Durango and while it's not really a super religious environment anyway... the easiest way to really get plugged in it seems is church!! I am super jealous of that fellowship and networking. It's taken me just about the whole time I've lived here (3 years!) to find a Moms group and I am having some success with that (though it's mostly SAHMs so most stuff that is planned occurs when I'm working, naturally!) but yeah it would be so nice to find a group like what you are talking about in your 2nd paragraph. 
In one aspect I'm kind of "glad" to find out it's similar in Denver because we always think of Denver as this great wonderful place with lots of people that naturally there would be more opportunities. So haha it's kind of "nice" to find out it's not as great as I'm thinking, I don't know if that makes any sense... but it's just a bummer for the both of us!

01-02-2014 08:23 PM
triscuit
Quote:
Originally Posted by dakipode View Post
 

oooh, I don't know how comfortable I would feel with that. Is she pretty hard core about her beliefs and telling your DS that her way is the only right way? On the one hand I wouldn't mind having my son learn the lessons of how to be a good person from bible stories, on the other hand I'd worry about fanatical indoctrination that Christianity is good and everything/everybody else is bad.

Well they (ILs) aren't that hardcore as in like, legalistic, but they are hardcore in that without a shadow of a doubt they feel like 'know' the truth personally and there is no reason for doubt. At this point (at his age) it's definitely not a "this is the only right way" but more like she's stating truths (to her) like "god made us." Which kind of makes me gag, but it's a relatively minor infraction than what she could be doing/saying/teaching him. Now of course I don't know if that's the only thing she's said to him... I know they pray at their house too, but to me that is more like that's fine for him to be exposed to people practicing a faith because everyone is different and some people will do that. In addition to us responding with stuff like "Mommy made you [in her belly]." We've also just told him, "That's what Grammie thinks, but we don't know for sure." 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katie8681 View Post

I think you're doing the right thing by not making a big conflict over it. Go down that road and by the time your son is a teenager he'll be rebelling by going evangelical! wink1.gif

Hahaha!!  Yeah I definitely don't want that to happen!! 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by cynthiamoon View Post

Yeah... If my mom was DDs primary caregiver, I would not be happy with the early indoctrination. I would also not support total censorship though. I want my daughter to know Judaism and Christianity ( the two faiths in our extended family) but not to be told day in and out that one f those is the Truth. That would make me really upset.

Yeah I don't really want to censor her, if I look at it from her perspective it would be almost absurd for me to tell her she couldn't share her faith with him, since I know it's a bit part of her life and the basis of her worldview (fortunately or unfortunately). Their family prays and when we go over we "pray" with them to be respectful, so DS cooperates with that and I feel that's appropriate. He can listen to stories, etc. But I tell you what would make me very upset and where I feel the line would be crossed is if she started like shaming him using her faith or teaching him that for instance homosexuality is bad because God said so, etc. I honestly can't imagine her ever having the propensity to do this, but I guess that is the line for me. 

01-02-2014 10:56 AM
cynthiamoon Yeah... If my mom was DDs primary caregiver, I would not be happy with the early indoctrination. I would also not support total censorship though. I want my daughter to know Judaism and Christianity ( the two faiths in our extended family) but not to be told day in and out that one f those is the Truth. That would make me really upset.
01-02-2014 10:05 AM
Katie8681 I think you're doing the right thing by not making a big conflict over it. Go down that road and by the time your son is a teenager he'll be rebelling by going evangelical! wink1.gif
01-02-2014 08:26 AM
dakipode

oooh, I don't know how comfortable I would feel with that. Is she pretty hard core about her beliefs and telling your DS that her way is the only right way? On the one hand I wouldn't mind having my son learn the lessons of how to be a good person from bible stories, on the other hand I'd worry about fanatical indoctrination that Christianity is good and everything/everybody else is bad.

01-01-2014 05:41 PM
triscuit

Thought you guys may get a kick out of this. So DH's parents are pretty religious and recently DS has been known to say "God made me/us." DH and I are like totally rolling our eyes and we don't make an issue of it (with him) except to say "Mommy made you." He usually says "oh yeah, in her belly...". We haven't yet said anything to MIL but I KNOW she totally feels like she 'failed' DH because he didn't end up a Christian and now since she helps with DS (he is 3.5 yrs old btw) by watching him a couple days a week I know she feels like she has a lot of influence on him (well, she does!) and so she is choosing to do this. I already know that she reads the bible to him when he stays over (sometimes he stays at her house when we want to have a night to ourselves/date night/date trip/whatever because one time DS told me that the little bible by the bed he sleeps in has a story about "green pastures". It really is pretty cute, and harmless for now, but I can see it being more of an issue down the road.... we'll see!!!

07-04-2013 08:54 PM
joyfulgrrrl Agree! I've got five kids,and give zero f-cks what anyone thinks of that.

If you want a fourth, have a fourth.
06-16-2013 07:34 PM
Katie8681
Quote:
Originally Posted by SierraBella View Post

Hi Everyone.. I'm new to this group, and I have a question..

How do you all feel about being agnostic/atheist and having large families? Where I am from, only the religious people have many kids (I don't know how many, "many" is to all of you, but for me it's more than 3-4). I feel a little weird about wanting to add another to my family, which would make 4 children. But we really do want one more, and try for a girl as well (My oldest 2 are with my ex, and I have one with my DH). Thoughts? 

Why the heck not?! A fine reason to have more kids is, "I love kids, I have the resources to care for more, and... my partner and I want to!" You may find yourself lumped in with religious people on first glance, but why should that impact your decision? The people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter.
06-16-2013 06:20 PM
mama24-7
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyllya View Post

 

Our culture's religious background has had such an effect on our language that it's pretty hard to avoid. Particularly, the word "goodbye" is a contraction of "God be with ye." (Seriously!) I guess you can start saying "farewell."

 

(Irrelevant sidenote: This got me interested in looking up a list of seemingly secular words with religious etymology. I couldn't find such a list, but I did accidentally stumble upon the fact that "avocado" is dirived from a Nuatl term meaning "testicle tree." It was āhuacacuahuitl, shortened to just āhuacatl. Just thought you guys might like to know this interesting fact.)

That's it!  Time to start a completely secular language!  First assignment: new words for "holiday," & "goodbye."  Who's in? biglaugh.gif If we don't, how am I going to keep talking to people? dizzy.gif

 

Very interesting stuff.  My kids always ask, "where'd that word come from?"  I'm going to have to look these up more often!

 

Thanks for sharing.

Sus

06-16-2013 02:46 AM
Cyllya
Quote:
We don't do religious holidays.  And, late last year I learned through following Neil DeGrasse Tyson on twitter that "holiday," comes from "holy day."  Makes me want a new name for it but haven't hit the thesaurus yet about it.  Have a hard time saying it now, lol.

 

Our culture's religious background has had such an effect on our language that it's pretty hard to avoid. Particularly, the word "goodbye" is a contraction of "God be with ye." (Seriously!) I guess you can start saying "farewell."

 

(Irrelevant sidenote: This got me interested in looking up a list of seemingly secular words with religious etymology. I couldn't find such a list, but I did accidentally stumble upon the fact that "avocado" is dirived from a Nuatl term meaning "testicle tree." It was āhuacacuahuitl, shortened to just āhuacatl. Just thought you guys might like to know this interesting fact.)

05-28-2013 03:28 PM
triscuit

We were taught religion in PS, explaining the different types and how they correlated with history. Ex: church of England. I thought it was interesting.
 

05-28-2013 06:00 AM
cynthiamoon They shouldn't teach religion in schools in the US, but sometimes they do, and sometimes I wish they would have some sort of theological survey that also includes secular phylosophy and atheism.

Usually, if you hear about religions in schools here, it's because someone broke with Sepparation of State and there's scandal.
05-27-2013 08:49 PM
mama amie Oh, definitely agree. However, as far as accessible, pre-formed communities go, the anarchist groups seem to be the more closely aligned to many atheists, ethically speaking. I WISH there was a humanist or freethinking group of families that I could easily meet up with. I've found the occasional visit to our local anarchist businesses to be a good place to bump into such folks. But I am personally not identified as anarchist or socialist.
05-27-2013 08:19 PM
dakipode

Sierra, I think the number of kids you have is such a personal choice and whether that is informed by religion or not is not an issue.

 

MamaAmie, to me "anarchist" and "socialist" are more politically oriented than say "humanist" in terms of looking for a group that's focused on what it means to be atheist. I don't feel that the former two would question morals and values of atheism as much as the latter would.

 

Now I realize that since I didn't grow up in the US I don't know anything about the school system. Do they not teach religion classes in the curriculum? In Belgium we had a choice between religion (i.e. Catholicism) and "non-confessional morals" class. Later on they added Islam and some other religion since they were required to cater to the students.

05-22-2013 11:47 AM
mama amie Cynthiamoon:

"We've contemplated starting some kind of Salon or "Atheist Sunday School" to have a place for discussion and community building, but I am worried people will think I am a wannabe cult leader. "

I think there might be enough common interests in place for you to look into anarchist/socialist type groups to find more moms. I have been thinking of participating in Food Not Bombs with my kiddos, since it is a secular community service/volunteer opportunity. This is simply my personal answer to where to find somewhat like minded freethinkers. smile.gif
05-22-2013 11:39 AM
SierraBella

Hi Everyone.. I'm new to this group, and I have a question..

 

How do you all feel about being agnostic/atheist and having large families? Where I am from, only the religious people have many kids (I don't know how many, "many" is to all of you, but for me it's more than 3-4). I feel a little weird about wanting to add another to my family, which would make 4 children. But we really do want one more, and try for a girl as well (My oldest 2 are with my ex, and I have one with my DH). Thoughts? 

05-18-2013 03:11 PM
cynthiamoon
Quote:
Originally Posted by lmk1 View Post

Wherever we've lived, once we had kids, we've joined "Secular Families" groups through meetup.com.  Are you anywhere close to Denver / Boulder area?

 

We live in Denver. Do you know of a nice group we might join? My attempts on meetup.com so far have been to find other young moms, and I've noticed it's hard to tell an active group from an inactive one, and sponsored "meetups" (ie. paid workshops and classes) from real meetups. Maybe that's just in the momverse though. 

05-18-2013 03:04 PM
lmk1
Quote:
Originally Posted by cynthiamoon View Post

 

I am in Colorado, and though I know a lot of atheists, what I seem to find troublesome is that without religion there aren't that many *structured* communities for us to be a part of. I grew up in church, and my parents continue to be active in theirs, and I can't help but be jealous of the fellowship they enjoy. I think it's hard because atheists, generally speaking, have little else in common! Religions can come with a nice, built in commonality that makes fellowship easier. 

 

I am also finding it hard to be a part of mom's groups though. Around here, even the religious ones are fairly progressive and relatable in lots of ways, but I am not sure how to broach the topic when it comes up. I usually just get quiet and feel left out until the topic changes again. 

 

We've contemplated starting some kind of Salon or "Atheist Sunday School" to have a place for discussion and community building, but I am worried people will think I am a wannabe cult leader. 

Wherever we've lived, once we had kids, we've joined "Secular Families" groups through meetup.com.  Are you anywhere close to Denver / Boulder area?

05-18-2013 02:55 PM
cynthiamoon

Hi everyone!!

 

I am joining this thread now to see what's up in the atheist moms world :) - We are first time parents, both atheists with one set of secular Jewish parents, and one set of very devout Christian parents. We are looking forward to lots of interesting issues with this topic! :) 

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by chrisnjeri View Post

 

Do any of you find it hard being part of a community when you don't share religious views?  There is a great unschooling community here, and while we do participate in some of the activities, they often come back to some aspect of Christianity and I feel like the odd ball out.  I've recently closed my facebook account because I thought some of the local folks I met through the unschooling and AP groups could be good matches for our family, but it just isn't working out and I'm feeling a bit isolated.  How do you find community being an atheist with kids?  Have you found one?

 

I am in Colorado, and though I know a lot of atheists, what I seem to find troublesome is that without religion there aren't that many *structured* communities for us to be a part of. I grew up in church, and my parents continue to be active in theirs, and I can't help but be jealous of the fellowship they enjoy. I think it's hard because atheists, generally speaking, have little else in common! Religions can come with a nice, built in commonality that makes fellowship easier. 

 

I am also finding it hard to be a part of mom's groups though. Around here, even the religious ones are fairly progressive and relatable in lots of ways, but I am not sure how to broach the topic when it comes up. I usually just get quiet and feel left out until the topic changes again. 

 

We've contemplated starting some kind of Salon or "Atheist Sunday School" to have a place for discussion and community building, but I am worried people will think I am a wannabe cult leader. 

05-08-2013 05:34 PM
mama24-7
Quote:
Originally Posted by chrisnjeri View Post
Do any of you find it hard being part of a community when you don't share religious views?  There is a great unschooling community here, and while we do participate in some of the activities, they often come back to some aspect of Christianity and I feel like the odd ball out.  I've recently closed my facebook account because I thought some of the local folks I met through the unschooling and AP groups could be good matches for our family, but it just isn't working out and I'm feeling a bit isolated.  How do you find community being an atheist with kids?  Have you found one?

I've come to the conclusion that I'm not going to find a group of people that think like me on most/all of the things I think are a big deal: education, atheism/agnosticismc, voluntaryism, consensual living, genital integrity, etc. I'm a part of a homeschool co-op & we're almost done our second year.  It's been a revolving door of people coming & going.  There's only one other family who has been a part of it along w/ me, since the beginning.  When dh & I decided our children would not go to school, it wasn't because we didn't want them to be around other children.  Well, trying to find others who make helping home educated children make & keep friends has been a challenge to say the least. So many are too busy w/ their other school-at-home priorities.  There is a looooooot of religious homeschooling around here too. greensad.gif

 

We are considering moving to a state where the home ed laws aren't as restrictive (from PA to NC).  That's part of the reason I want to move.  I'm tired of putting so much time/energy into preparing the paperwork needed to prove I'm educating my child & it's going to get worse next year when I have two to prove it for.  If we move & I find other atheists/agnostics, well, I'll just be all the happier! bouncy.gif

 

Best wishes,

Sus

05-08-2013 04:04 PM
triscuit
Quote:
Originally Posted by chrisnjeri View Post
 How do you find community being an atheist with kids?  Have you found one?

I'm jealous of your unschooling community, religious or not! There are unschoolers in our area but our area has a weird culture and it's not a very strong consistent group. Anyway... thankfully there is an atheist meetup every month and my DH has gone and met a few others with kids (young kids, like our son) including a SAHD or two like my DH. My son is about to turn 3, I do refer to him as a blessing, because in a way I do feel like I am blessed to have one (we struggled with secondary IF) but luckily no one said any of the miracle stuff, that would of gotten on my nerves after awhile too.

 

:)

05-08-2013 03:40 AM
chrisnjeri

Hi!  I've just found out about this tribe, glad to find some like-minded mamas out there.  I'm in Lincoln, Nebraska and have a 2 year old daughter.  We haven't had to deal much with our family members reminding our little one what a 'blessing' and 'miracle' she is  (we weren't supposed to have children).  We were told so many times while I was pregnant and while she was an infant that she is such a miracle that we finally had to tell family that they had to stop saying that.  Our daughter is amazing, but we like her to know that she is incredible for who she is and how she interacts with the world, and that all people are incredible.  I tried going to a Unitarian church here so she could be raised with that community (my husband is Episcopal, but I don't want her to go to that church unless we can take her to many different churches of differing faiths for the exposure), but they were a little too insistent on me being more active in the community than I was yet ready for.  

 

Do any of you find it hard being part of a community when you don't share religious views?  There is a great unschooling community here, and while we do participate in some of the activities, they often come back to some aspect of Christianity and I feel like the odd ball out.  I've recently closed my facebook account because I thought some of the local folks I met through the unschooling and AP groups could be good matches for our family, but it just isn't working out and I'm feeling a bit isolated.  How do you find community being an atheist with kids?  Have you found one?

05-07-2013 08:43 PM
triscuit
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerusha070707 View Post

Where is everyone from?


I'm from Durango. You can also look on the side under the post count and if a member has given a location it will show there.

05-06-2013 02:22 PM
mama amie

New to this.  Can I just say that I am pleased to see over 30 pages on this thread?  YAY!  So much to read and think about!  My mother is a Christian minister, and I've been questioning her beliefs (sometimes antagonistically) for as long as I can remember.  I guess I'm agnostic, as I can't personally disprove the existence of God, but I don't have strong evidence to the contrary.  It is a bit tricky to navigate with young ones, but we seem to manage.  Santa is a known tradition, and we love winter decorations, but choose not to pretend gifts need to magically appear.  All questions are answered as openly as possible and with due respect.  

Quote:
Originally Posted by expat-mama View Post

Hello Atheists and Agnostics!

A while ago we were talking about books either to guide us in raising our children as free-thinkers and compassionate, moral and respectful atheists/agnostics or for the kids themselves. I found a few books for kids recently while browsing some humanist websites. Here they are and they look awesome, can't wait to get them. I think they are for older kids (pre-teen or teen), but I think reading them to younger kids could introduce some concepts and ideas that would be beneficial if you guide them along.

What About Gods?

Humanism, What's That? A Book for Curious Kids

Maybe Right, Maybe Wrong: A Guide for Young Thinkers

Maybe Yes, Maybe No: A Guide for Young Skeptics


If anyone has read these books let me know how you liked them. Reading the descriptions and reviews on Amazons has made me really excited to read them. They're on my wish list for now.

 

I am so bummed that these are not available at the library.  I have been trying to find such stuff to read before buying, but it just isn't easy to search without specific titles.  Sigh...  No shortage of material for "believers", though.

05-06-2013 10:56 AM
jerusha070707 Where is everyone from?
04-29-2013 12:03 AM
Katie8681 I think if you must be around religious family members a lot, and you're not comfortable with the amount of religious talk to your kids, one alternative is to pull people aside for a private chat in which you ask them to lay off the God talk. I don't know from experience exactly, but my guess is that this will lead to serious unpleasantness. I feel bad for you, jerusha! My suggestion is to let it go in the moment and talk to your kids about your beliefs after the fact. Eventually your kids may question those family members' statements on their own.
04-28-2013 08:41 PM
triscuit

I agree with everything dakipode said. Mine is almost 3, and for him, when MIL talks about god, prays, credits god, etc... I let it go and then later L does not even remember/say anything. If he did then we could talk about it later, but one thing to keep in mind is that respecting their beliefs can include not calling them out on stuff, questioning it and/or finding yourselves in heated discussions over something that for them is innocuous. That's how they *think* reality is, so for them saying stuff like that may not be any type of passive-aggressive jab. If you get the feeling it is, you could always have a private discussion later after the kids go to bed. If not..... and they start calling you out on stuff you say from an atheist POV... you could always say this is how I'm treating you, I'd ask for the same respect. Good luck.
 

04-25-2013 11:52 PM
jerusha070707 If I went the route of not seeing my religious relatives much that would include everyone in mine and my husbands families.
04-25-2013 11:51 PM
jerusha070707 My extended family in particular is very religious. There are 5 pastors on my moms side alone. My father is also a pastor. I will be spending the weekend with them. It will be the first time ill be seeing most my family after my recent "coming out".
I don't imagine it going well. Was just looking for others opinions on how to deal with things being said to my kids (3 1/2 yr old twins and a 2 yr old). The kids already try to pray before meals and all after being around my husband's family.
This thread has more than 30 replies. Click here to review the whole thread.

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off