|Topic Review (Newest First)|
|06-26-2014 02:49 PM|
Mega hugs to you, Crayon. Nearly a week later, and I hope you're finding your peace, though you sound like you've had a positive understanding of the process and the "reason".
I admire you from this computer of mine, and send loving vibrations into the ether, directed toward your vibration.
I appreciate your perspective of letting your body do its thing. It's not always on our time table, but I feel there was value for that little soul, and yours in the process of holding and releasing when the time was ripe.
May you reunite again, or feel a completion from your short time together.
I have a sense that when you conceive again, your babe to be is going to be one powerful being, and your love for him/her will be profound.
Many blessings to you on your journey.
|06-19-2014 02:21 PM|
Aw thanks for checking in... It looks like (at least in chrome) the format here is all whacky!
But an update... I got home for vacation on Saturday- blood work on Sunday and ultrasound and doc on Monday.
To my amazement, she was not a pushy "you need to have a D&C or your will DIE" doctor. She first asked- how are you emotionally? I admitted, I have had my 1% of shitty moments, but over all- 99% of the time, I am ok- I understand these things happen.
She said "Well we have 3 options" and explained D&C, pills and waiting it out in detail with each risks.
Told me if was her, she would have done the D&C the second she heard, but everyone is different and that is ok.
She said I was in perfect health and said it was my choice. Gave me a pelvic and said she saw some brown discharge and that the sack felt low and I was 1cm.
So, I asked if we could just wait it out more. She said- of course. I had a talk with the baby on my 1 hour ride home- "it is time- it is time"
So Tuesday morning @ 5am I woke up with horrible cervical pain- like tears pain. But no bleeding or spotting. I was able to take some pain meds I had and go to sleep from 9-10 am. My phone rang at 11 and when I sat up to get it- GUSH... My water broke- thankfully, I had a pad on, anticipating blood flow to start soon with the kind of cramps I was having.
Then more blood, and lots of liquid and more blood and eewwwyyyy- kinda girl stuff. I never passed a huge amount of tissue- but for a few hours had good amount of constant blood and lots of puking and headache.
Then it went to more a heavy period.
Yesterday (day 2) was really hard. The pain went from constant cramps to being really really sore and emotionally beat. I had a lot of moments where I just cried and cried. IT IS NOT FAIR... but we all know that....
I felt like someone had ripped open my cervix and pushed me with a baseball bat for hours in my abdomen.
Today I am SO much better- I feel nearly ME and my brain is much more level headed.
It all still sucks- and I am like a full blown period, but I think the worst is over and I am so proud of myself I waited it out- even to 18 weeks, 11 weeks after my baby died, to do it natural and birth my baby.
I know many women can not do it- and I TOTALLY respect that- this is hard. But I think mentally for me, a D&C, unless life threatening, is almost like an abortion mentally to me- I don't judge that on anyone- I just knew I would feel that way and I think mentally that would have been way harder for me to deal with than 11 weeks of waiting for a natural miscarriage.
Thank you ALL for such lovely support and I hope we all get our sticky babies :-)
|06-19-2014 12:26 PM|
|Nazsmum||How are you doing? Hope that things are well.|
|06-10-2014 07:18 AM|
Hey girl. I cannot figure this new format of mothering and can't find my pm's! But that's good to hear you're having some action going on. My last ultrasound showed the sac was still in there, although much smaller and I could tell my body was definitely doing stuff to get rid of it. I'd be 20 weeks this Friday, baby stopped growing at 6 weeeks....jeez. haven't had any more bleeding or anything. I heard a story over the weekend. This couple found out their baby stopped growing really early, she had a d&c. Didn't work, she bled and bled, had another d&c. She ended up having FOUR d&c's! Basically she ended up holding onto it until she was full term, then everything finally passed. Also I have read many stories of infections happening after a d&c. Everyone is so quick to advise a d&c, but clearly that's not a definite answer, a cure for all missed miscarriages! It comes with its own set of risks and it seems to me its even riskier than just letting your body do its thing.
So exhausting. I'm sorry we're both STILL enduring this. It will pass....at least by November!
|06-04-2014 07:39 PM|
|t2009||Aw, thinking of you & hoping your body is doing it's tough work. Much strength to you!|
|06-04-2014 09:24 AM|
I think you are correct t2009, my body is just not ready. I started spotting along the Blue Ridge on my way to our condo where my parents were sharing with us for a month. They fly out today and today I have started cramping really bad and very light, almost non-noticeable- pink discharge. I think my body was just waiting for them to leave. I had a guess this was what was happening and booked my condo for another week out of just my husband and kids- because I figured I may end up MCing right after they leave and didn't want to be doing it on a 2300 mile drive back to Michigan from FL.
Hopefully it does what it should do, hopefully quickly and with minimal pain- although today has been pretty intense pain.
Thanks for your love!
I am ok with the MC- as much as I am sad, I just really understand I can not "fix" a non-viable, dead baby. I just don't have that power- so I accept the loss- pray I don't have another, and pray my body can just mend and I don't need a D&C or anything serious.
|06-04-2014 06:31 AM|
Oh, Crayon, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I hope your midwife can give you some comforting advice. I've just gone through a miscarriage which (I think) was complete so I don't have advice for you. But I did want to send soon good vibes. Also, this thought occurred to me: have you tried any relaxation and/or release meditations? It sounds like you've come to terms with the miscarriage but maybe there's a part of you still hanging on? Like maybe your body is hanging on until you're home again?
Hugs & I hope you have resolution soon!
And RRMum, I'm so sorry, too, to read about your losses.
|06-03-2014 09:10 AM|
|Nazsmum||You are right D&C are the norm. I refused to have it. The midwife look at me like I had 3 heads...Let us know what the midwife says.|
|06-02-2014 09:52 PM|
Aw thank you, and so sorry for your losses.
I am now nearing my 16th week of "pregnancy"- that seems so unreal.
I have no "pregnancy symptoms" other than not having a period. I have not had my HCG levels checked because I am on vacation. My preggy belly has gone down too.
It is so frustrating- I feel like my body should just know what to do- I am now going on 9 weeks of the baby not being alive? WHAT?? I have not heard of anyone else going this long- and I have been googling like nuts.
But a D&C is so normal now days- like- "I just got a D&C" That I wonder if most doctors just don't let it happen naturally and I am actually normal....
I think it is time to put another email into my midwife. I actually am fine with the loss, for the most part, I knew it was a long shot- I had had an IUD removed 5 days prior to conception. And after this long, I have dealt with the emotions and the whacky hormones from the pregnancy ending. But it still feels like- REALLY?
I am so terrified of needing a D&C or taking drugs to move it along. My midwife told me unless I go septic and run a fever- try to let my body do it.
|06-01-2014 02:26 PM|
Hi Crayon - don't take anything! I have had this happen twice. It is horrible. Trying to live with a little one who has died in you and still in some way depending on your body and (at least for me) making you feel properly pregnant/hormonal is very hard to cope with.
First you can get a blood test HCG. You get two within 48 hours and the levels should be going down. If they are staying stable or going up, that means your body is trying to sustain the pregnancy. In this case you might choose a D&C.
The first time this happened to me I was 10.5 weeks when I found out the baby stopped developing. They gave me a drug (Cytotec I think). I suffered such severe cramping and continuous vomiting that my husband took me to the E.R. I collapsed in the parking lot and had to be carried by two doctors into a room. They gave me a fast acting pain drug which I had an allergic reaction to and nearly stopped breathing. I was in shock, afraid I might die, bleeding profusely, and DH was really freaking out. Later I called an acquaintance who is a fertility specialist and he said 10+ weeks was too late for the drug they gave me. A few days after I came home from the hospital I passed the baby while in the shower. I held her (i always assumed the baby was a her) in my hands, cried, said goodbye. Then I went to the doctor the next day ( I was still feeling really pregnant). The placenta was still attached and still growing and releasing hormones (i.e. my HCG was still increasing). The OB suggested a D&C. The whole ordeal was about two weeks and it took several weeks to recover from the D&C. The whole thing was really dramatic.
Then I had a beautiful boy, he is almost 4.
Then I miscarried, my body knew what to do.
Then I miscarried again, and my body held on. I refused cytotec, but scheduled a D&C after we confirmed that my HCG level were rising still. This procedure was much less dramatic.
Then I miscarried again and my body knew what to do.
I wish you the best of luck in finding closure, grieving and recovering both physically and emotionally. Not sure if my story helps, but I hope it does.
|05-28-2014 04:09 PM|
|Nazsmum||I know this must be hard|
|05-28-2014 09:55 AM|
So, I am on vacation- left April 26th and will not return home until June 16th. So, not having a full miscarriage has been ok- in that regards. BUT, I am now 15 weeks "pregnant" and the baby stopped growing at 7.... I started bleeding a bit at week 11 (I had no idea the baby had stopped growing) at week 12 I decided after a week of bleeding and spotting to go get an US and this is where I found out that the baby was measuring at 7 weeks with no fetal movement or HB. I was measuring 9w3d.
So, I anticipated a MC that week- because I had been bleeding/spotting. Since the US I have not even needed a pad- so clearly I have not "passed" the baby.
This seems so prolonged. I always thought miscarriages were quick- like the time frame of a period- blood shows, then within 4-7 days things have passed and that is that. But this is horrible.
I try to understand my body is doing as it needs, but, I have not talked to many people- just one actually- who has (is dealing with) a prolonged MC.
I just don't understand.
Anyone have their story of a prolonged MC they can share?
I am vacationing in Orlando- Disney World- and it is like the meca of pregnant mamas. I wish I could start trying again instead of looking at these women and telling my husband- she is due in November- on to have him look at me like like I am nuts.