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  Topic Review (Newest First)
07-29-2014 01:37 AM
pumabearclan ^ Super, thanks for mentioning her. I've read one of her books, not on women and family, though. I will definitely peruse her bibliography. Martha Albertson Fineman has also written on this topic.
07-28-2014 05:29 PM
mariamadly I think it was Barbara Ehrenreich who advocated in one of her books that we get rid of conventional marriage and focus more on parenting and co-parenting -- develop a construct that's less restrictive and primarily focused on the needs of any child/ren involved. I'm tired and not doing her any justice, but she made an impressive case IMO.
07-28-2014 12:45 PM
pumabearclan
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alenushka View Post
Couple privilege rules.
...because of the definition of "marriage" as opposed to private contractual agreement in the USA. This is true even if you are in a same-sex or heterosexual partnership. Private contractual agreements generally fall outside "family law" so you won't even have the same judge and applicable statutes. Meaning you get to decide how your relationships are legally defined.

Legal marriage, R.I.P. The 18th century is over.
07-25-2014 02:53 PM
pokeyac
Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post
i am assuming the OP has seen the other side of our law. and perhaps that has made her paranoid. i wish she could have explained more what she meant.
I had hoped for a response as well because the original post did not share the back story and an explanation for why all of that would be necessary. Perhaps this would make a lot more sense with the story behind it.
07-25-2014 02:11 PM
meemee i am assuming the OP has seen the other side of our law. and perhaps that has made her paranoid. i wish she could have explained more what she meant.

i can totally see from her point of view. esp. if she was from CT and had to deal with parental alienation.

but we all have to do what is right for our family.

all i am saying is i can see why people can be paranoid.

The new yorker had a great article a while ago and i can see why paranoia can set in for some people if they have been on the end of the wrong stick. http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/20...ut-of-jail-inc
07-25-2014 11:31 AM
pokeyac The OP has been banned so no need to worry folks.
07-25-2014 11:24 AM
P.J. Wow, you're paranoid. I almost wonder if this is a troll, because it seems pretty far out there. I know people really believe this kind of thing though, so who knows. Whatevs...
07-25-2014 08:06 AM
sillysapling I've heard of cases where a person went to a lot of trouble to legally ensure that their chosen family would be the one who would be treated as next of kin- only to have it completely ignored. Their chosen family had to go to court to fight for the rights that the person had worked so hard to give them.

All these documents do is give you a leg to stand on so you can fight it when they're ignored. This is even true of marriage contracts and birth certificates, but they're far more widely accepted as valid.
05-21-2014 01:07 PM
pokeyac It's much easier and cheaper to get married than to have an attorney draw up all these papers that might not do anything. Some of them are certainly a good idea like a Living Will and Advanced Directive for Health Care. There are something like 1700 rights and responsibilities that come with legal marriage. Trying to cover even a majority through other means would be quite difficult. Just ask the thousands of gay couples who have been fighting for the right of marriage for decades. Drawing up a bunch of legal documents was the only way we used to have to protect our families. Even with good lawyers and lots of paperwork there were couples where one died and the partner was not able to be at their side in the hospital, there are still couples where one died and the other was kicked out of their home and had their joint property seized because their relationship was not properly recognized. Even with second parent adoption and co-parenting agreements, there are still parents who denied their ex the ability to see the child they conceived together and the state supported them.

I'm not sure what the OP is trying to avoid or prevent. They didn't say. And how could a third party join in?
05-19-2014 10:14 AM
MeepyCat

Please explain to me why your girflriend would sign this contract.  What does it do for her?  I see that you get to make medical decisions and share her property - she's getting something besides the right to change her name, yes?  Because she already has the right to change her name to whatever she wants at any time.  Many of the clauses are irrelevant - you two could agree to do them without a contract.  Others are unenforceable.  A lawyer could help you draw up living wills and medical powers of attorney, but when you get around to actually hiring one, they should let you know that, if either of you ever winds up in jail, the question of who can visit is decided by the government, which never agreed to your contract.

 

I must also add that I was a notary public for many years.  As a notary, I certified ONLY that the parties named had presented identification to me, and signed the document where I could see them.  Sometimes, documents must be notarized in order to be enforceable, but in no case is notarization alone sufficient to make the document enforceable.  It also has to comply with the law.  A notary can notarize basically anything with a signature.  That doesn't make it a legal agreement.

 

I'm married.  I can see why some people would prefer not to be, but I have found the institution useful.  If the government really cared about family values, they could pony up legally protected parental leave, but I'm not going to pass up the benefits marriage has because the government doesn't offer all the benefits I want.

05-19-2014 07:38 AM
Alenushka

How?

 

If I am legally married my partner can be covered by my medical insurance or I by his.

 

You can;t get survivor benefits if you are not married and your partner dies  (SS).

 

There is no spousal privilege in court  without legal marriage .

 

There tax advantaged. It si easier to get a mortgage.

 

Couple privilege rules.

05-19-2014 04:04 AM
Sandy81186


The benefits of a DIY agreement between the two parties, far outweigh the benefits of government marriage today.

05-18-2014 02:48 PM
Alenushka

Conspiracy theory much?

 

You live in US, government is part of your life. I am sure you us  roads, eat fodo inspected by USDA etc etc etc.

 

Do not want government, go to Somalia which is libertarian heaven at the moment.

 

Regardless of your married status, everyone should have Advanced Directive where they indicate their wished and agents to carry those wishes in case of medical emergency.

 

You can sign whatever join custody agreement you want, but your partner still can go to Family Court.

 

And if if you or your partner dies and you're not married, you will loose out on certain benefits as far as SS, actually.

 

Marry, do not get married, who cares?  This is relatively free country but there risks and benefits to every arrangement.

05-18-2014 02:17 PM
HappyHappyMommy

I'm moving this thread to Talk Amongst Ourselves as it is better hosted in that forum. 

05-17-2014 04:40 AM
Sandy81186

This is actually the best way to protect yourself and your marriage and your family stability in todays day and age, when the government doesn't give a "rats opposite of the face" about America's family structure.

 

NEVER get married... hire a lawyer, yourself.. and sign a custom contract together that grants you these..

1.The Right to visit your GIRLFRIEND in a hospital, should she ever be in a hospital
2.The Right to visit your GIRLFRIEND in Jail, should she ever be in Jail
3.The Right to make medical decisions for your GIRLFRIEND, should she ever be Incompetent, unconscious, or comatose.
4.The Right to Joint Custody of the Children, or to be a legal guardian of your children.

5. The Right to Co Ownership of the property (without) tax breaks for being married.

6. The Right of the Girlfriend to change her last name, to what the boyfriend's last name is.
7. And terms and conditions of the agreement for living together i.e. faithfulness in the relationship.

 

And then have it notarized, and there... you got an agreement together.

 

Then put it in your living will, that you can make medical decisions in times of need, and have a will that grants your girlfriend or boyfriend ownership of the property, in the event of your death.

 

That's way better than actually getting married in today's total loss of a society.

The more government documents you sign, the more power the government has over you, and your life, and now... even your relationship.
 

Signing a marriage license could at some point now... create an entry point by which a 3rd party can join in, in YOUR relationship, via your spouse... and have it recognized by the Government.


Don't get legally married in the first place, just have a contract together and a living will together, and that's it.

And you'll be fine.

 

 

You wont be fine however, if you sign your soul.. away to the government, to this government, believe me boy!  :)

 

The best way to have stability in your house and in your life, is to make your own stability and your own life.


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