Mothering Forums - Reply to Topic

Thread: Desperate and Resentful: 10 month old won't go to sleep then wakes every 2 hours Reply to Thread
Title:
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Trackback:
Send Trackbacks to (Separate multiple URLs with spaces) :
Post Icons
You may choose an icon for your message from the following list:
 

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



  Additional Options
Miscellaneous Options

  Topic Review (Newest First)
10-08-2014 04:43 AM
SuzyBelle Thank you so much Redmom for coming back and updating - I actually found the mothering website googling feelings of resentment. I feel exactly like you did and while it is difficult to think I may still have months and months on bad nights ahead of me, it is very comforting to know that slowly things will start improving by themselves and I'm so happy I found this website as I too seem to only have friends who's babies sleep through the night and I was feeling very alone.
08-02-2014 07:26 AM
FaithHopeLove29 Hi MommaFH - Just taking a quick second to chime in. My son's 2 now, and some nights he sleeps through or he wakes 1 time to nurse, and other nights he's still up 3, 4, 5 times. He doesn't sleep without me very well yet, but it's been a bit better. I can't figure out why it varies, why he struggles, but his father was not a good sleeper as a child either. Don't worry too much about day care, when my son was in day care he figured out how to nap in the PNP just fine after a few days, he adjusted easily (and it's different when mom and dad aren't around, I've found) My husband actually moved out of our bedroom for a few months while my son was waking alot to get sleep for work, but we're all back together now. If you're worried about your sleep, maybe have your husband do night-time routines for a few nights and sleep on your own. I follow "Nurshable" I think the blog is called, she's on facebook, and frequently posts reminders that even without sleep training, all children figure out how to sleep eventually good luck with school!
08-01-2014 09:03 AM
MommaFH I hope you all see this... seeing how the OP was several years ago (but I noticed that somebody posted a few months ago)... I am with you all 100%! I feel as though you all wrote these posts through me! Honestly, it's crazy! My life is exactly the same! My DS just turned 11 months 2 days ago. He has never been a good sleeper at all, suffered colic and acid reflux early on (still on zantac for the reflux), but I won't go into the whole story b/c quite frankly, it's exactly the same story many of you have told. When he was 3 months old, he slept 8 hours for 2 weeks! Just enough time for me and hubby to get used to it, and then it never happened again. There have been times that he has slept better than others (up to 3-4 hours between feedings) (and co-sleeping since 6 months, was in a rock-and-play before that due to the reflux) and things seemed to slowly be getting better up until about 9.5 months, he got 6 teeth in over a 6-8 week period, and it's been HELL. Day and night. (did I mention he's a cat napper? 30 min naps?) Anyway, between having been sick several times, or teething, it seems like there's always an "Excuse" for his poor sleeping habits.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, his 8'th tooth was swelling up while he and I traveled alone to a family wedding across the country. He had a great weekend and slept REALLY well for me (first night was rough, but next two nights he only woke up once and slept solid in between!) At last! Things were progressing! Or so I thought... we got home Sunday night almost 2 weeks ago and things have been hell ever since. I mean HELL. Up thrashing around all night, up 5-6 times a night, crying, etc. Took him to PED, nothing wrong. We all did have a little stomach bug run through the house but it's been almost 2 weeks, so we can no longer blame that. Now i'm starting to wish I never complained about the 2-3 x a night wakings he's been doing the last several months!

What's strange is, he usually wakes up and flops around before he's ready for a bottle, but lately he's been crying, and since we ruled out medical issues, I don't know what to think. Why is my 11 month old waking up as much as we newborn?

Needless to say, it's causing a lot of tension, exhaustion, resentment, etc. I am currently a SAHM, but i'm about to start nursing school, which means DS is starting day care on Monday. This will be a major adjustment. I hope they don't kick him out for not napping and crying! I KNOW he will flip shit with they put him in a PNP at a new place At least he won't be there all day long. I'm frantic about all that as well.

I've tried everyone, and of course, everyone's suggestion is CIO, including PED. I just smile and say "no thanks" My husband and I are fed up, but at the same time, we don't want to do CIO. DS is VERY stubborn and strong willed (not a surprise, both mommy and daddy are as well) And my MIL told us my husband didn't sleep through the night until he was 4 (NOT what I needed to hear!) But anyway, one day I gave in and tried CIO. Worst. Idea. Ever. tried for almost an hour, and all that did was not allow me to get him anywhere NEAR a crib or PNP for a week! He would FREAK out! And I don't mean little cries and pouting, I mean screaming so hard he was choking on his spit. Awful. He does usually nap in his crib during the day, although it's usually short, it's better than nothing. I can't be napping with him all the time or getting him in that habit. I try to put him in the crib at night, and either he fights and screams and I give up, or he sleeps for an hour or so and then we bring him in our room so it's not a fight and ends on a good note (in hopes that one night he was just stay asleep in there). I'm leaving so much out, and maybe nobody has suggestions (and i'm sorry that I don't either) but just know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! It's so nice to read that other people understand, b/c in the "real world", it seems like everyones kid but ours sleeps so well. My sisters boy (3 months older than mine) sleeps anywhere, anytime, 12 hours a night AT LEAST, without waking, and has since 5 months. Almost infuriating. Not her fault, and I certainly wouldn't wish my kids sleep habits on anyone, but I am so at a loss and feel helpless and some days depressed.

i'm also sick and tired of everyone saying it's b/c we co-sleep, or it's b/c we wont CIO, or b/c we wont try this sleep solution and that. we have tried SO MANY THINGS. Not EVERY baby takes to that! I read "oh, I did CIO, and he cried for 5-10 mins and that was that". Good for you, you have an easy baby. This would NEVER happen with our ds, and people need to realize that every baby is different. I repeat "this too shall pass, it's only temporary" to myself every day and try to stay positive, but i'd be lying if I said it wasn't so tough.

One last thing... ds did start walking about 12 days ago, and i'm sure hitting that big milestone has caused some bumps in the road... but that cannot account for going from waking 1-2 a night and sleeping in between, to waking up 3-4-5-6 times and being restless. Oh, and EATING several times. Which is ridiculous, he shouldn't need that (and i'm still BF, but not nursing).

You all are not alone mommas. If someone has any more advice and/or updates, that would be wonderful. Some days I have to admit, it makes me not want any more One day he will not want us to sleep with him, so I remind myself that too. Until then, I press on and thank God for a healthy child.
06-12-2014 03:57 AM
Gavin'sMama
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redmom View Post
Our 10 month old has been waking every 1-2 hours since he was about 4 months.
 
If that wasn't bad enough lately he will not go to sleep easily.  On a good night I hold him and walk him around the room until he falls asleep which usually takes 10 minutes.  Lately even after 30+ minutes of doing this, although he will be asleep in my arms, the moment I place him in the crib he wakes and immediately starts screaming.  He is getting heavier now so it is physically exhausting holding him and carrying him around.
 
He has never been a baby that we can place in the crib "drowsy but awake" otherwise he starts screaming.
 
I am just so incredibly exhausted, frustrated, desperate and resentful. I feel like I have no life of my own any more.  I'm a stay at home mom, so during the day I have no energy to really be present for my son.  I feel like I have nothign left to give him and that there is nothing left of me.
 
Our whole evening ends up being devoted to putting him to sleep.  Even then he will wake 1-2 hours later and the process gets repeated.  This is even before my husband or I get to sleep.
 
When we go to sleep, one of us co-sleeps with him and the other sleeps on the sofa.  Then halfway through the night we swap.  This was at least giving us of us a decent stretch of sleep.  But lately with his resisting sleep, I am physically and emotionally spent.
 
I belong to a mom's group, all nice ladies, but their babies all sleep pretty much through the night, and they say their bedtime routine involves putting baby down awake, who then falls asleep on their awake.  This makes me feel so alone and resentful to learn that there are other parents who are having such an easy time getting their baby to sleep.  I see how much energy and how carefree these moms are, relatively speaking. 
 
It makes me wonder "why me, why us?".  We are good, loving parents, and through no fault of our own have a baby who has trouble sleeping. 
 
Every day I wake up feeling worse.  I find myself mentally tuning out from my son during the day.  I don't feel like playing with him, I just want to sit and tune out.  My focus of each day is nap time, when I put him down for a nap I take one too.  This is what I look forward to each day.  I feel so sad that I don't look forward to playing with my son each day.
 
I am worried that this experience will damage the bond between my son and I.  I am honestly not enjoying being a mother right now.  I sometimes wish I never had a baby, because of what my life has become.
 
My husband and I have looked for help in the medical community but the advice ends up being to let him cry it out, which we do not advocate.
 
I feel so incredibly alone in dealing with this issue.  The only thing that gets me through is sharing how I feel on this board.
 
I am just so desperate. Everyone says "it will get easier", but for us it has not gotten any easier.  Every day is harder and harder to get through.
 
I never thought being a mother would feel as horrible as I feel these days.
I feel like I wrote this post! This is 100 percent how you feel I'm at my end with solutions. We have tried CIO 20 minutes if crying is enough for me! I hope you figure out a solution!
03-01-2014 09:22 AM
stellastar

Hi Molly, I'm really glad that this idea makes sense to you. Let me know how it goes! It can be hard sometimes listening to our children's upsets, but it's worth it, to see how relaxed and happy they are after letting go of their stress. Good luck! 

03-01-2014 07:24 AM
Mollystork

Thanks for the great link stellastar!  It all makes sense, and I guess the idea of never letting our babies cry becomes so routine, that we don't even think about it.  I'm at the point where I respond out of habit, not necessarily compassion.  I'm just so burnt out and frustrated. But then again, most like my baby is too!  I've actually found as well that when I've left him in his crib to cry (during one of MY meltdowns), I've felt better after coming to him, knowing I could connect and help him.  While I don't plan on doing that if I can help it, the idea of letting him cry in my arms is interesting, and something I'm DEFINITELY willing to try at this point!  Thanks for the info!

03-01-2014 02:58 AM
stellastar

I'm sorry to hear that things are so exhausting. I wanted to share this blog post that I wrote Sleeping Through the Night. It's all about how I helped my daughter to sleep, without using traditional sleep training. I hope it's useful to you. At the time I co-slept with her and heard all sorts of advice about how it was the co-sleeping that was causing her to wake, but I realised that this wasn't the case at all. I hope it helps and you get a good night's sleep soon! 

02-28-2014 11:21 AM
aurahal

Middle of the night routines are best when super simple, quiet and totally predictable. Boring, really. Just, "I love you. Night is for sleeping. We'll snuggle in the morning." With a pat on the back. Or whatever works for your situation. Just keep it really consistent so that a jangled kid can rely on it.

 

If your baby has gas or reflux problems, don't try to tank him up before sleep. That can backfire. Try eating then playing for a few minutes to let the food settle.

 

I agree that consistent sound can help with an easily stimulated baby. That's one reason why mama breathing in sleep is so soothing. Tabletop waterfall or a metronome seems to work well for us at times. 

 

About the crawling at night - it's a phase and he'll get through it. He's probably close to learning to walk. Give him LOTS of opportunity to be VERY active right before bed. Play chase games on the bed and around the house. Hold his hands while he jumps on the bed, etc. Bath before bed also good for splashing, kicking, etc. We did also joint compression and weighting, by taking a pillow and pressing it down around him while he lay on the bed, from feet to head. Not so hard on the head, obviously! :)

 

Again, that's why I moved my son to his own at this point. I put a crib mattress on the floor between a wall and my bed (just a mattress and box spring on the floor), then lined the two walls at the head of his mattress with a sheet covered camping mattress to keep it soft. I put a dresser at the end of my bed, reaching to the wall, so that there wasn't anywhere for my son to go without going over me. Totally safe, right next to me, I could even have a hand on him to soothe him, and yet I didnt' get kicked all night.

 

Becuase my son's issues were feeding-related, I worked really hard to lengthen the time between nursing at night, and to stop nursing at night altogether as soon as I could. It made a big difference. There are two ways to reduce nursing - space out the feedings, reduce food amount at feedings. Both are tough emotionally on baby and mama. This is where you have to really  know what you're trying to achieve (what problems you're solving). Your husband can help immensely with changing the expectations and routines around night feeding.

 

Good luck!

02-27-2014 11:04 PM
MommaKuhel What time do you start this ritual of getting him to bed?

Maybe just try getting you, baby and hubby into same bed at night whenever you and hubby are ready for bed. 10pm or even 11pm so you're all on same schedule and sleep in harmony.

Put on some rain music, relaxation piano music, zen, spa stuff for deep sleep that is 8+ hours in duration (youtube has plenty) , that way if baby wants to wake the music keeps him calm. Lower room temperature. Make sure your son has a full belly and milk right before bed, also put some sort of background noise like a small fan on so it's not dead silent. All these things have been proven in studies to keep sleepers asleep. The white noise has a calming rhythm effect to reassure REM sleep subconsciously.

Is he too hot or cold or does he wake bc of wet diaper ? Wants to be comforted? Is he hungry?
02-27-2014 01:38 PM
Redmom

Hi Mamas

 

I'm the mama who wrote the original post - that was over 2 years ago.  My son is now 3 and he sleeps perfectly.

 

For us, it got better just after 13 months when he "only" woke 3 times a night, then once he hit 2 years it was just once a night, at 2.5 he started STTN completely - and I think we were probably the extreme case. It got better on its own, without any intervention from us.

 

Also I found out there is a developmental leap at around 10 months which can cause a huge sleep regression.

 

Hubs and I got through the worst time by taking turns sleeping with our son.  Hubs would sleep with him for the first part of the night until he wanted to nurse, then I would sleep with him for the rest of the night.  At least each of us had some mental downtime where we weren't on parenting duty.  

But it was so incredibly hard at the time.  We tried everything and nothing changed how he slept, so we just accepted that and concentrated on getting through each night and each day.  ANd that was a relief b/c then I didn't feel like I had to be fixing something.

Above all, please be very kind and gentle with yourself.  

02-27-2014 07:58 AM
Mollystork

Thanks aurahal for all your advice!!  It's definitely more difficult when you have to convince your husband that what you're doing will pay-off.  Glad to know I'm not the only one. I think my husband sort of believes it, but I'm definitely the more patient of the two of us You're right, I do need to involve him more.  I just need to trust him to be able to get our son into his crib with out waking him up! :) (He starts off in the crib and then sleeps with us after the first waking).

 

I love "the no cry sleep solution" and am reading it for about the 5th time. I also realized that my son was getting constipated from the solids (mush) I was feeding him.  He'd wake up grunting and tooting and thrashing around every morning around 4:30 or so until he was up for good around 6:30. I thought he was just gassy, but thanks to Dr. Sears I realized that all the food was too much on his tummy and causing some constipation.  No wonder his poopies were so solid!  I knew putting him in his crib wouldn't help, since he's still wake up and then wonder where Mommy is and of course freak out.  Who wouldn't in the dark? I also knew/know CIO isn't the answer, as something was clearly bothering him. Since then he's been better with the gas, but still wakes up frequently.  Now that he can crawl, he's been using me as a jungle gym all night.  I finally hung up sheets and blankets in our room to darken it.  I'd had a lot of luck doing that in his room, realizing that he gets so stimulated so easily.  It's been much easier getting him to nap with a darker room, so I hope that by keeping our room darker at night, he won't be able to see anything and will realize it's still time to sleep!

 

How old is your son now?  What were the issues he had?  I hope it was nothing too serious.  Do you have any suggestions for a routine in the middle of the night?  I usually just nurse him again, but then that causes more gas and burps, which in turn keep him up even more!  I'm usually just too tired to do anything else.

 

I hope you were able to work things out with your husband!  Parenting definitely takes a lot of teamwork!!!

02-26-2014 04:22 PM
aurahal

Oh, my other suggestion (hindsight on my part) is to stop trying to put him to sleep during the day for a few days. What I mean is to take your normal nap time but not have sleep as your goal. Think of it as cuddle time or quiet time for you together. if he sleeps, fine. If not, let him fall asleep on his own for a bit, whenever he's tired, even if that's face down on the kitchen floor. That will really help the strain on you of putting a baby to sleep all the time. You might even find that his sleep patterns have changed and he needs naps at different times than before.

 

(My son didn't sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time for a year, and then would scream for 30 minutes or more every time he woke up. He was exhausted and I was going crazy trying to get him to sleep. It turns out that he had medical issues, and no amount of sleep training made a difference.)

02-26-2014 04:15 PM
aurahal

There are many things to try besides CIO. Some of them involve your baby, and some of them are about resetting the dynamic between your husband and you so that it's not your way vs his way.

 

- Change night nursing / feeding

 

- Change sleeping locations (this was the time when I moved my son to a crib mattress on the floor next to my bed in response to my husband's demands that something must change and he wanted to CIO. Of course, the change didn't help my son sleep any better, but it did give my husband something to focus on for about a month and half)

 

- come up with a gentle plan to for approaching sleeping that you and your husband can both deal with - The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley has many excellent suggestions and worksheets

 

- Begin a bedtime routine that involves dad

 

- Establish routines for waking during the night

 

 - Tell your husband what you need him to do to support you - believe it or not, he probably doesn't know, and thinks you want him to solve the situation

 

 - Find a way to mutually acknowledge with your husband that this is a stage - what doesn't work now will work at some time, and conversely what works for a bit will probably only work until your child hits another developmental phase

 

 - get a babysitter and go out with your husband so you have something to talk about with him besides contentious sleep issues

 

 Good luck...8-12 months is the most brutal sleep period, in my experience. It will get better, but you have to get through it.

02-26-2014 02:02 PM
Springshowers I thought even people that teach CIO say not to start before the child turns 1? If that is the case you could show him that to buy a little more time.

Even a few months makes a difference at this point.

Good luck.
02-26-2014 09:20 AM
Mollystork

I forgot to mention I am under a time limit by my husband to try something new, because he won't stand for things being the same way that they've been.  It just makes it more stressful :(

02-26-2014 09:18 AM
Mollystork

I'm in the same boat with my 10.5 month old son.  I'm going nuts, and have broken down almost every day this week.  My husband has finally gone along with co-sleeping, AP and such, but I've reached a low point AGAIN, and every time this happens, he says we should just let our baby CIO.  I HATE CIO, but my husband thinks it's the best way to get him to sttn.  It doesn't help that my in-laws swear by it too.  It's hard to vent to my husband, knowing that he doesn't really condone co-sleeping, he's just going along with it when he saw how important it is to me.  I can't turn off my heart, I can't "make" my baby fall asleep, but I also can't be putting him to sleep all day and all night, and thinking about HOW I'm going to put him to sleep all day and all night.  I'm turning into monster-mom, and it's really hard when my husband doesn't truly support what I'm doing :(  When I complain to him, I'm not looking for more advice on CIO (I can get that anywhere) I'm just looking for some help and sympathy! 

12-25-2013 01:17 PM
La Maryam Thank you Louise for sharing your story!!!!! And thank you Redmom. This what I have been searching the whole net for. To hear if someone has ever made it through withou CIO. It will keep me going smile.gif
God willing things will get better, my LO will one day request me to let him have some sleep (alone!).I now know there's surely nothing abnormal with him not STTN at 12m. Attachment parenting was my natural inclination, I intend to continue follow my motherly instinct.

Much love xx
07-01-2013 06:58 PM
Redmom

Hi Mom4Gus....my son is now 2.5 years, and I wish I could tell you that he magically started STTN...but...having said that, things have vastly improved since those horrid nights of hourly/2-hourly wake ups.....

 

- When he was about 13 months he started sleeping "longer" stretches - about 3-4 hours.  It felt like a huge improvement to get a longer stretch of sleep myself and at least I could see some improvement.

 

- Hubs and I continued to take turns co-sleeping with him.  Somewhere along the line his need to nurse during the night got later and later...from 1am, to 2am, then to 4am.  I can't really remember when it happened.

 

- And I really can't remember how the rest of it happened, but since he was about 2, he would wake around once a night to nurse and go back to sleep.  There were many nights when he would wake, and hubs would get him back to sleep, so b/c he didn't need to nurse at night, I effectively got a full night's sleep....woo hoo.

 

- I tried to nightwean a few times using the Dr Jay Gordon method, but it didn't work out, caused more stress, and he didn't stop night waking, so we returned to nursing once or twice a night, then he eventually stopped doing on his own.

 

- We went through this really HORRID stretch just before he turned 2 for a few months where he would wake for the day at, like, 5 am or sometimes even 4.45am. It sucked, it really did.  We tried earlier/later bedtimes etc, changing nap time etc but he had this internal alarm clock and would pop up at "stupid o'clock" each morning.

 

- A few months ago we spent a month in Australia, and, jetlag aside, he returned to waking at a reasonable time...like 6 or 6.30.  (Anythign with a 5 in it or less is offensive in my book).

 

- A few weeks ago he was SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT...like...all night...about 50 % of the time.  But....lately...he wakes every night at 11 and will not go back to sleep.  This started around the time when we started potty training, so maybe it's related. We just deal with it, knowing that things will get better on their own, then worse, then better, then someday he will leave for college.

 

- But honestly, I feel so much better now than back when I wrote this post.  I should point out that the above improvements happened without any intervention by us, so all those stupid books that tell you if your kid is not STTN by 3 months, 6 months etc are WRONG.

 

A few other things that helped me get through that period were:

 

- Every morning I would take my son for a walk to the park, stopping to pick up an iced coffee on the way.  The walk to and from the park, and hanging out at the park with him (once he started walking) was about 2 hours, and I found it gave me a focus each morning.   Plus the fresh air and exercise helped my mood. And the ice coffee felt like such a treat.

 

- Every evening when hubs comes home, he hangs out with DS and I get some solitude or exercise etc.  I found it helped having this downtime.

 

The other thing is that, especially as my son got older and started talking and became more interactive, I have truly found it more fun to be with him during the daytime.  We do lots of things together, and he likes to help me eg with cooking.  The thing with a baby is that it's all very one way...me talking, me doing stuff etc.  Now as a toddler, my DS is so funny and has his own little personality and interests.

 

So....as everyone says....it does get better but at the time it feels like hell, and rightly so.  

 

Oh the other good thing that happened, was that when DS switched from 2 to 1 naps at about 16 months, instead of taking piddly little 30 minute naps, he started taking a glorious 2 hour nap.  And I nap alongside him.  And if feels amazing to get some sleep, glorious sleep.

04-08-2013 09:41 AM
Mom4Gus

Redmom - how did things end up?  We are in the same boat with DS, and need some encouragement!

03-06-2013 06:02 PM
Louisep

I haven't been on the board in years, but as I was contemplating how we've made it through two awful sleepers and come out the other side, I thought I'd check back in and see if I could give some encouragement. Because mama, I was so there. More so with my first, though my second was also a horrible sleeper, he was better in some respects and as a second time mom, I KNEW it would get better, so I dealt with it better. As a first time mom, everyone tells you it gets easier but you cannot see the light. I was so desperate, I get it completely.

 

A few things I've learned along the way:

 

  • 10 months is the absolute worst time for sleep. Your child is processing major developmental milestones in his sleep - walking, talking. It is also teething hell. I actually blame all my sons' wakings on teething. It simply affected them tremendously. The first time either STTN was as soon as their final tooth popped through. I don't think that's a coincidence.
  • Drop your son's naps to an absolute minimum. We dropped to one nap with both at 12 months.
  • Get outside as much as possible. It will boost your mood and wear your child out
  • Don't obsess about getting him to sleep for naps. Getting my first son to sleep became my obsession and my job for a year. I became neurotic about it. I would try for an hour to get him to nap for a 45 minute nap! So pointless. Do yourself a favor and if he won't nap after 20 minutes of trying, give up. Do something completely different and try again later. This strategy saved my sanity with DS2. And he never ever suffered from what the parenting books like to call "over tired". The more tired the better in my experience!
  • First rule about sleep, don't talk about sleep! In my experience, those moms who say their kids STTN are lying through their teeth. And the price their children paid for the nights when they do STTN is not worth it. At all. It never fails to amuse me when my coworker who let all three of her children CIO from birth complains about how all three girls were screaming awake the night before. Children simply don't STTN, it's not in our genetic make up.
     

Now, do some children sleep better than others, yes. Creating strategies to maintain your sanity and to survive is key. I think your swapping strategy is great. That's what we did too from about 12 months on when I started night weaning. Do you BF? If not, I would recommend that you try trading off entire nights so that you have a complete break every other night. If you do BF, consider using the Jay Gordon night weaning method at 12 months.

 

Spend at least one hour every week doing something completely for yourself without the baby anywhere near you.

Find local attachment parenting groups.

 

The golden question: when will my child sleep better? For us, it was 14 months for DS1 and 16 months for DS2. This was after all their teeth had come through and my DH was taking care of most night wakings.

 

Just hang in there mama. I vividly remember my DS1 at about 2.5 years asking me to leave his room at night so he could sleep alone. It broke my heart. I couldn't believe this came from my high maintenance super dependent, cosleeping, night feeding baby. I say this because the time is going by slowly for you now, but before you know it, your baby will be four years old, a total Daddy's boy, and your second child will be well on his way to being the same.

 

I hope this helps even a little bit. You're an amazing mother.

03-02-2013 07:16 AM
FaithHopeLove29

I haven't had a chance to read replies, but I could read without replying. My son, 9 months old, is very similar to what you describe - I can count on one hand the number of times he's gone to bed "sleepy but awake" for me or my husband, for naps or bedtime. He doesn't fall asleep easily, and for months DH would hold him while he cried until he fell asleep (always less than 5 minutes, but sleep wouldn't come without tears). His longest stretch of sleep is 3 hours on a great night. There were weeks at a time when he would nurse every 45 minutes (we cosleep). The worst was when he would wake up to nurse and instead of going back to sleep, would fuss, cry, etc for an hour or longer after... DH doesn't really get involved in nighttime parenting, so it was some rough going there. I know I haven't slept more than two hours together since November. Anyways, I guess I'm sharing to say it's not as uncommon as you think, and after reading the Sleep Book and the Fussy Baby book in the Sears library, DS definitely sleeps like a high needs child. I haven't come out the other side yet, and the only tips I would give at this point is to do what works for you and try not to compare with other babies. I also had to stop reading any articles/blogs/books on sleep (I made an exception for the Sears books). I'm sure that one day, DS will require less of me at night. I'm also sure that there have been nights in the last few months when I felt like I couldn't make it one more night. Good luck, and I hope you find a nighttime solution that works for you.

03-02-2013 02:24 AM
lokismum I wanted to say we feel your pain, and in particular the hardness offeeling like you can't connect with your little guy during the day because you're just way too exhausted. People who don't have babies that won't sleep, nap, or stay asleep just don't understand the pain, endlessness, effort ...I did speak to a man whose two year old had never slept properly, and it turns out he had a low grade, chronic ear issue. Once they had it properly diagnosed and sorted he started sleeping far better. This man was a business owner, his wife a full time corporate career woman, and due to the severity of their exhaustion he actually sold his business and she couldnt return to work so don't feel you're alone. Our ten month old has never slept well, osteo helped, but nothing "solves" it.. I moved house so on any particular night either my husband or myself has the baby, the other has a night of total rest. It's working for us. Good luck fellow mummy, hang in there
08-11-2012 02:32 PM
aurahal

Same deal for us, my baby didn't sleep for more than 45 minutes until he was 10 months old. I also began to completely resent my baby, hate my husband because he couldn't fix it, and feel like I had zero emotional bandwidth. 5 months and 9 months were the wors points. Craniosacral therapy helped my critter settle a bit. A referral from your pediatrician should ensure insurance coverage. At some point, I had to evaluate whether my parenting choices were preventing him from learning how to self soothe. They weren't, but it was important to be honest about that. Relief finally came at 11 months when I started working with a counselor who primarily works with autistic children...and she helped me find ways to get him to choose to sleep. Using cues and soothing objects, avoiding triggers, using a very rigid routine to create predictability, and more. Now (12month), we don't fight about sleeping and the stress is mostly gone. He still wakes up every few hours, but getting back to sleep isn't hard. He's happier and I am finally sane again. Once I started workign again (12 hrs/wk), I was able to have some time when I was away from the struggle and stress of sleeping, and so I had more energy for it. I also hired the neighbor girl to watch the baby a few hours a week so I could have a break. Good luck...it's brutal and can destroy your self of self and damage your relationships and your family balance. So, find help wherever you can...for your baby, yourself and your marriage/household.

08-03-2012 12:03 AM
LLQ1011

I played with my son in his crib instead of rocking him to sleep. Peakaboo and taking a blanket and putting it over him like a parachute. After a while he began to think of bed time as more fun. And we paly for a few minutes then I leave him alone and hes usually asleep within 10 to 15. The only problem is he wakes up and I can hear him playing in bed. He has a mobile that has buttons and males sounds and he likes to turn it on in the middle of the night if he wakes up too much. But for the most part he only wakes up once a night to nurse now.

08-02-2012 08:51 PM
vanessax5 Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
I kno exactly wat u mean!! I have had 5 children and my last(12 months old)will not sleep at night.u name it,iv done it all!!i have no idea wat the prob could b,nevr had this happen before but ma ybe we can brainstorm together!! h ere is my email...v.dabreo@yahoo.com good luck n hope to hear from u smile.gif
08-02-2012 07:47 PM
motheringforme

My 11 month old is a terrible sleeper. She wakes every 1-2 hours and seems to be getting worse instead of better. Tried increased solids, only one nap per day, all the tricks. Nothing worked. I figured I'm sleeping terribly nursing all night long but would sleep worse if I let her cry every time she woke up.

07-27-2012 07:13 PM
Hymanroth I want to add that my son is 11 months, last month he got 4 teeth in - all of his top teeth. That was HELL!
07-27-2012 07:12 PM
Hymanroth I highly recommend looking into dietary stuff. Try food lab group on yahoo groups.

My son is allergic to wheat and gluten- the times when he had it either from my milk or eaten ( by accident)
he has screamed all night. Like so fussy that I can't put him down and I keep wondering what the heck is wrong and he just seems so uncomfortable and upset. I realized it was that in his diet.

Can you try camilia or other homeopathic medicine? I have so many from whole foods. I tried them all out because I was having a hard time. I realized gas tablets, teething tablets and camilia are amazing.

OH! And a couple nights ago my son sipped chamomile lavender tea and went to sleep right after. He had seemed so fussy - and bath time with me before bed is wonderful.

One morning I was so exhausted ( I had a long night out) and so I took a bubble bath with my son after we woke up, and he nursed and fell asleep again orngbiggrin.gif he just thinks we go to sleep after our baths. Haha
07-20-2012 07:40 PM
newmamalizzy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Weevil View Post

Oh I just came to this forum to post a thread about the same issue!! My 18 month old is waking every hour all night long, sometimes waking in the night and staying up for a couple hours besides. It is driving me near insane with sleep deprivation. He has never been a sleeper and I haven't had more than four hours straight since he was born. He is also spirited and that combined with him not sleeping well makes for very long days of near constant meltdowns and whiney crankiness (which is hard enough to deal with when I have had sleep let alone when I am sleep deprived and cranky myself!)
We have also tried nearly everything to no avail. We have tried keeping him busy all day, quiet all day, tried to physically exhaust him, moved bath to before dinner instead of right before bed, bedtime snack, tried a consistent bedtime routine, chiropractor, even melatonin as a last "bad mommy" resort out of desperation .... No luck. The only thing left to try is a very strict schedule as per the Sleepless in America book but it is really hard to implement a schedule that strict (basically down to the minute) when he is so so so irregular as it is. (not to mention I have a hard time keeping to a schedule). We are currently visiting family for a few weeks and it has been chaos here, moving to different beds, people coming and going, no real schedule at all and it is definitely having an impact (we were doing a bit of a schedule before we left home and he was sleeping a bit better). He also cut four molars at once a couple of weeks ago and *wailed* for a week straight. It was horrible greensad.gif
We are all at the end of our ropes, I feel the same hopelessness and resentfulness as you do, OP. it is really hard to see people with toddlers who sleep so well and wonder what we are doing wrong. When I hear people complaining their kid is waking once or twice a night I want to shake them- hard!!
So yeah, really really feeling your pain. Still waiting for things to get better here. Still thinking "this shall pass" but I am beginning to wonder if it actually will, it feels like I have been saying that forever :/


Have you tried altering his diet?  What is he like when he wakes up?  (So sorry, BTW.  Mine was a very poor sleeper, too, but has gotten much better in the past 2 months or so.  Could be a coincidence; could be due to the dietary changes we've made.  Not sure.) 

07-19-2012 07:39 AM
Weevil Oh I just came to this forum to post a thread about the same issue!! My 18 month old is waking every hour all night long, sometimes waking in the night and staying up for a couple hours besides. It is driving me near insane with sleep deprivation. He has never been a sleeper and I haven't had more than four hours straight since he was born. He is also spirited and that combined with him not sleeping well makes for very long days of near constant meltdowns and whiney crankiness (which is hard enough to deal with when I have had sleep let alone when I am sleep deprived and cranky myself!)

We have also tried nearly everything to no avail. We have tried keeping him busy all day, quiet all day, tried to physically exhaust him, moved bath to before dinner instead of right before bed, bedtime snack, tried a consistent bedtime routine, chiropractor, even melatonin as a last "bad mommy" resort out of desperation .... No luck. The only thing left to try is a very strict schedule as per the Sleepless in America book but it is really hard to implement a schedule that strict (basically down to the minute) when he is so so so irregular as it is. (not to mention I have a hard time keeping to a schedule). We are currently visiting family for a few weeks and it has been chaos here, moving to different beds, people coming and going, no real schedule at all and it is definitely having an impact (we were doing a bit of a schedule before we left home and he was sleeping a bit better). He also cut four molars at once a couple of weeks ago and *wailed* for a week straight. It was horrible greensad.gif

We are all at the end of our ropes, I feel the same hopelessness and resentfulness as you do, OP. it is really hard to see people with toddlers who sleep so well and wonder what we are doing wrong. When I hear people complaining their kid is waking once or twice a night I want to shake them- hard!!

So yeah, really really feeling your pain. Still waiting for things to get better here. Still thinking "this shall pass" but I am beginning to wonder if it actually will, it feels like I have been saying that forever :/
This thread has more than 30 replies. Click here to review the whole thread.

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off