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  Topic Review (Newest First)
07-07-2005 02:48 AM
Mommy StormRaven
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kincaid
Are you the person who was posting about that relationship book that you said worked so great for you? I got the impression from other posts of yours that your relationship was "great" because of it. Heck, I have a post it not on my fridge to go get that book! :
THat is jsut it.. he was lying the whole time and I didnt' even see it. the book is great IF you dothe work in it. He apparently wasn't but he let me think he did.

Quote:
I think maybe that is the inconsistency other people meant?
I dunno right now.. right now I only know I want this to stop and give me my life back - or some semblance of it.

Quote:
I hope you find some stability and strength. I can only hope your husband truly has the children's best interests at heart as he goes down this road. Sole custody of a 4 and 2 year old is not something many men would jump at... so maybe on some level he is trying to do the best for the kids.
Me too.... but then this is a man that goes overboard to try to make up to his kids what he never got from his parents - ture affection. He is an amazing dad - I dont' argue that but I question if he isn't overcompensating in a way that could be destructive for everyone.
07-07-2005 01:11 AM
Kincaid Are you the person who was posting about that relationship book that you said worked so great for you? I got the impression from other posts of yours that your relationship was "great" because of it. Heck, I have a post it not on my fridge to go get that book! :

I think maybe that is the inconsistency other people meant?

I hope you find some stability and strength. I can only hope your husband truly has the children's best interests at heart as he goes down this road. Sole custody of a 4 and 2 year old is not something many men would jump at... so maybe on some level he is trying to do the best for the kids.
07-06-2005 10:30 PM
Mommy StormRaven
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petranis
I am sorry to quiz you furter but I didnt understand about the order thing? Also why was it up to your husband to sort out the meds-surely if you are looking after your children it would have been up to you to take responsibility for your own meds or have I got the wrong end of the stick totally?
It is standard in OH for a CPO to be ordered when serving divorce papers.

You have got the wrong end of the stick. We have to order from a mail order pharmacy, in that we have to give a credit card number to charge the items to. he did not fill in the card info (he has control of ALL the finances) in on the forms until it was a week late for my refill, I cannot go to a regular pharm as I had gotten all the refills permitted for the year per my insurance company. I do keep track of my meds but when he locks me out of the house and they are in the house that makes it just a bit difficult.

Quote:
Here's a little advice of my own: Take responsibility for yourself. Don't depend on your husband for *your* meds. If your husband verbally attacks you (and btw, yes I do consider this a form of abuse), then maybe you could restrain yourself from hitting him? For therapy to be successful for you, you will need to own your actions and not be/become a victim.
See above regarding the meds. as far as teh rest of your statement. I hit him ONCE in 6 years - he has been verbally abusing me for 4.5 of those 6 years - don't tell me you never get fed up and want to hit something.

I do own the fact atht I hit him - ONCE, he has held everythign at my fault for years. I have owned my actions all along Kim

Quote:
As for the other...didn't she say that happened before she was diagnosed and started her therapy? If so, there's not a lot of point in hitting her with it now, as she's already addressing the issue.
Exactly!
07-06-2005 09:32 PM
Storm Bride
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim
Don't depend on your husband for *your* meds. If your husband verbally attacks you (and btw, yes I do consider this a form of abuse), then maybe you could restrain yourself from hitting him? For therapy to be successful for you, you will need to own your actions and not be/become a victim.
hmmm...I actually assumed the meds thing had something to do with his work...that he had to send it in because it was through his health coverage at work. I could be way off bat about that.

As for the other...didn't she say that happened before she was diagnosed and started her therapy? If so, there's not a lot of point in hitting her with it now, as she's already addressing the issue.

I must have missed the contradictions - I've read the whole thread and haven't noticed one.
07-06-2005 08:09 PM
Kim
Quote:
did you not read the ENTIRE thread?
Every word. The thing is, you keep contradicting yourself. I don't want to get into a sparring match with you over each and every item that I question, so I'll take MomBirthMomStephens advice and just wish you and your family well.

Here's a little advice of my own: Take responsibility for yourself. Don't depend on your husband for *your* meds. If your husband verbally attacks you (and btw, yes I do consider this a form of abuse), then maybe you could restrain yourself from hitting him? For therapy to be successful for you, you will need to own your actions and not be/become a victim.

Thank you, Petranis, for responding.
07-06-2005 07:37 PM
lilyka well I sadi he was an ass and I will claim it with my head held high. It isn't that he thought his children were in danger and it isn't that he is divorcing his wife and it isn't even that he thinks the children are better off without thier mommy. i don't know these people. but what I do know is that he lies, and was sneaky, and took advantage of a lack of medication and doesn't have the balls to just stand up and say he is unhappy and wants a divorce. and then when he does he lies about filing for divorce and filing for a restraining order. and that is why i think he is an ass.
07-06-2005 07:30 PM
MomBirthmomStepmom
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petranis
Kim I have to say I totally agree with you. Yes its great to be supportive but theres an extremely thin line between being supportive and colluding with a situation which isnt honest and which helps no one.
I remember when I was being abused by my ex-husband (long gone, btw!), he was horribly abusive physically, mentally, emotionally... Just horrible.

Anyway, I would talk to people... Need and want support, yet STILL couldn't find the courage to talk about all the things he did/would say to me/about me. At times, I was protecting him, not wanting people to think badly about him. Other times, If eared his actions would reflect poorly on me, and I already felt worn enough. I would hide his actions ALOT.

Don't take things at face value ladies. I'm certain there's alot more going on that we don't know about, and quite honestly have no right to butt in about.

She came to us to talk. We can listen, without prying. And no, I don't think that because someone comes to us for advice/support, that we deserve all the dirty details. We deserve to know what this mama is willing to talk to us about....

Please, just take care. Take care of yourself. Keep up your meds, keep up therapy. Keep bettering yourself...
07-06-2005 07:27 PM
Petranis I am sorry to quiz you furter but I didnt understand about the order thing? Also why was it up to your husband to sort out the meds-surely if you are looking after your children it would have been up to you to take responsibility for your own meds or have I got the wrong end of the stick totally?
07-06-2005 07:17 PM
Mommy StormRaven
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petranis
Kim I have to say I totally agree with you. Yes its great to be supportive but theres an extremely thin line between being supportive and colluding with a situation which isnt honest and which helps no one.
: :

Ok what wasn't honest? did you not read the ENTIRE thread? I've stated up front ALL of the issues!

I never lied about my medicated state noir the fact that I hit him ONCE. This thread was started becuase I suspected somethign was wrong with the trip he took with little notice that he left me unmedicated for. I've merely stated what has happened. Don't beleive how he did it - call my therapist she was privvy to all of it he did it in HER OFFICE!

Again - how is it taht some people only recognize PHYSICAL and SEXUAL abuse as abuse?!?!?!?!
07-06-2005 07:08 PM
Petranis
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim
I am hardly trying to kick you down. I saw some discrepancies and had questions regarding your previous posts. The fact that everyone seem so willing to jump on the "he's an @ss" bandwagon is a little disconcerting too.

If you said, 'he beats me daily' I would suggest you take the kids and run. However, you say, 'he's verbally attacking me so I hit him' and 'I've just been diagnosed with psychosis', well you should understand that it sends up some red flags, you know?
Kim I have to say I totally agree with you. Yes its great to be supportive but theres an extremely thin line between being supportive and colluding with a situation which isnt honest and which helps no one.
07-06-2005 07:01 PM
mommamin

I hope it works out in the end mama!
07-06-2005 06:56 PM
miranoron
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride
The guy announced in a therapy session that he'd already filed for divorce!! I don't care what his reasons are - that's LOW.
Exactly. I also have a feeling he withheld her meds in the hopes that she would become explosive and irrational, thus giving him a better case for sole custody. That's just plain wrong.
07-06-2005 06:56 PM
Petranis
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim
I don't get it. Doesn't a police report need to be filed in order to have a restraining order created?

How have your children been affected (pre-meds) by your depression, psychosis, and rage disorder? Are they emotionally and physically well now?

I am sorry for the turmoil in your life, and want to be supportive, but am feeling like there is more to this story than you are sharing.
Yes I was wondering the same.However hope you sort things out soon though in a way which is best for everyone involved.
07-06-2005 06:32 PM
Storm Bride
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim
I am hardly trying to kick you down. I saw some discrepancies and had questions regarding your previous posts. The fact that everyone seem so willing to jump on the "he's an @ss" bandwagon is a little disconcerting too.
The guy announced in a therapy session that he'd already filed for divorce!! I don't care what his reasons are - that's LOW. And, then he just left her there.

Maybe the girls are better off with him right now. At the very least, it sounds as though he's guilty of "alienation of affection". That may not be a criminal offense, but it's weaselly, nonetheless.

The OP has been pretty upfront about her problems - it's not like she's trying to hide anything. The fact that she's on medication doesn't make the way her husband's treating her okay. And, he could find some alternative to not even letting her see her kids!!
07-06-2005 06:22 PM
MomBirthmomStepmom Honestly, no matter WHO did what or said what, or who was abusive to who, and no matter what your (collective 'your'), idea of 'abuse' is, the fact remains that divorce SUCKS for EVERYone involved...

No matter who is to 'blame' (and relationship issues are NEVER one persons fault!!), this mama deserves love and support as much as any other person going through the ordeal of divorce.

It's hard enough getting divorced, and let me tell you all something else, it's 10000 timjes harder to admit your children are better off with someone else (even if it's just temporarily, or on an on/off basis). It's a hellish thing to feel, think and KNOW, let alone admit..

(((Mommy StormRaven)))
07-06-2005 06:17 PM
alegna

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I hope it all works out.

-Angela
07-06-2005 06:13 PM
Mommy StormRaven
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim
I am hardly trying to kick you down. I saw some discrepancies and had questions regarding your previous posts. The fact that everyone seem so willing to jump on the "he's an @ss" bandwagon is a little disconcerting too.

If you said, 'he beats me daily' I would suggest you take the kids and run. However, you say, 'he's verbally attacking me so I hit him' and 'I've just been diagnosed with psychosis', well you should understand that it sends up some red flags, you know?

No, I said at teh time he had been verbally abusive to me - why is it taht some people only see PHYSICAL abuse as abuse?

Have you read the entire thread? I dont' know how you could and think he's the good guy in this?
07-06-2005 05:50 PM
Kim I am hardly trying to kick you down. I saw some discrepancies and had questions regarding your previous posts. The fact that everyone seem so willing to jump on the "he's an @ss" bandwagon is a little disconcerting too.

If you said, 'he beats me daily' I would suggest you take the kids and run. However, you say, 'he's verbally attacking me so I hit him' and 'I've just been diagnosed with psychosis', well you should understand that it sends up some red flags, you know?
07-06-2005 05:43 PM
Mommy StormRaven
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim
Umm, looks like your kids are about 15, 4, and almost 2. You've been medicated and in therapy for only 6 months, right? Are you saying that depression, psychosis and a rage disorder haven't affected these children *at all*?


Did I say they weren't? NO I said I didnt' know how much they were!

the 15 year old I gave birth to - my parents adopted him more than 10 years ago. And no, I'm not saying that at all - I have been medicated for depression for almost 2 years now, the new meds are different and the psychosis is newly diagnosed. Mor imp[ortanly though, are you saying that their father hasnt' been equally as abusive in other potentially more harmful ways? (displaced affection - the only people he has ever been emotionally available to is THEM and that is NOT healthy - per 3 different therapists we have seen together)

Quote:
Ladies, I appreciate that you want to give another mama some support here, but *really think* about what you are saying. Be supportive, of course, but is anyone thinking of the welfare of these children?

When a mother removes her children from a bad situation, we canonize her. If a father does the same he's an @ss?
So, are you calling me an @$$ for beign hurt and upset? FTR - I AM thinking of my children becuase I'm NOT fighting over custody with him - I KNOW they are better off so please STOp beign so degrading - I dont' need it from you too!

Quote:
If said husband has been abusive to you and refuses to work on the relationship, why on earth would you bring more children into the mix?
Did I ever once say I did? NO! quite the opposite, I didnt' want more children at all I've got an IUD in place. \we both wanted the two that are ours (the youngest) it was AFTER that when he became emotionally abusive.

In any case Kim, this is really NOT the place in this forum to kick a mom when she is down.. take it elsewhere please
07-06-2005 05:31 PM
Mommy StormRaven
Quote:
From what I can see, you're dealing with an abusive partner who is also taking advantage of your mental/emotional challenges; using them as weapons against you. That is very wrong. . . Very bad karma for him.
Very bad indeed. mental and emotional abuse yes - he would never raise a hand to me but I honestly think it would have been better if he had - then I would have elft sooner than now.


Quote:
I am sorry you are having to go through this. It sounds like you are in for a big legal fight. And it does sound like he was setting you up to look crazy for the courts. What a sh*t head.

For now, please just try to keep a cool head, keep on track with your meds and work with your lawyer on all this. I know some people said they'd go get the kids, but I think that he would be able to use that against you if he really does have a RO.
I know that they are better off with him - I'm nto going to fight that becuase he has teh house and it's in their best interest to have as little disruption as possible. I want what is best for them, not me.


Quote:
From what I can see, you're dealing with an abusive partner who is also taking advantage of your mental/emotional challenges; using them as weapons against you. That is very wrong. . . Very bad karma for him.
yes, it is - especially because he is citing incidences BEFORE I was Diagnosed and medicated.

Quote:
Talk to a lawyer NOW. If you have not been served with a restraining order, it's not valid. He has to do more than just tell you. He can't keep you away from the kids or your own home just on his say-so.

This seems to be a trick that is getting more and more common. Is there a "mens rights" website that is recommending men get restraining orders and kidnap their kids now or something?

I'm so sorry he's pulling this crap on you. Get legal advice asap.
I do have an attorney now, she is a good friend of mine and fellow pagan, and most importantly she is VERY VERY good. I called the county courts and they have no record of any filing under our last name at all so either he didbnt' do it, his attorney is sitting on it or the court is catchignup from the holiday. In any case - My attorney recommends us beating him to the punch and filing our own suit now too. And I'm takign a police escort with me to get my things tongiht
07-06-2005 05:19 PM
Kim
Quote:
frankly - I dont' know how they have been effected.
Umm, looks like your kids are about 15, 4, and almost 2. You've been medicated and in therapy for only 6 months, right? Are you saying that depression, psychosis and a rage disorder haven't affected these children *at all*?

Ladies, I appreciate that you want to give another mama some support here, but *really think* about what you are saying. Be supportive, of course, but is anyone thinking of the welfare of these children?

When a mother removes her children from a bad situation, we canonize her. If a father does the same he's an @ss?

Quote:
I've been in therapy weekly since january, we have been in couples therapy for 2 years - he has NEVER put any effort into therapy - he always comes back and blames everything on me.
If said husband has been abusive to you and refuses to work on the relationship, why on earth would you bring more children into the mix?
07-06-2005 05:01 PM
amybw so sorry this is happening to you!

I just wanted to say I was thinking of you!
I noticed you are somewhat of a neighbor.


Amy
07-06-2005 04:53 PM
Mydragonboy
Quote:
Originally Posted by the sunshine
Talk to a lawyer NOW. If you have not been served with a restraining order, it's not valid. He has to do more than just tell you. He can't keep you away from the kids or your own home just on his say-so.

This seems to be a trick that is getting more and more common. Is there a "mens rights" website that is recommending men get restraining orders and kidnap their kids now or something?

I'm so sorry he's pulling this crap on you. Get legal advice asap.

Yes, yes. yes.
Get a shark if you can. Has he ever made you feel unsafe/uneasy? Maybe you should get a restraining order against him. His behavior is clearly abusive and harming everyone, especially you and the kids.
07-06-2005 03:22 PM
lilyka holy crap.

I am so sorry.

he is an ass.
07-06-2005 03:17 PM
yaM yaM
Quote:
Originally Posted by the sunshine
Talk to a lawyer NOW. If you have not been served with a restraining order, it's not valid. He has to do more than just tell you. He can't keep you away from the kids or your own home just on his say-so.

This seems to be a trick that is getting more and more common. Is there a "mens rights" website that is recommending men get restraining orders and kidnap their kids now or something?

I'm so sorry he's pulling this crap on you. Get legal advice asap.

:


It's totally true what she's saying; the RO is completely invalid until your are served. That is the law.
07-06-2005 02:30 PM
the sunshine Talk to a lawyer NOW. If you have not been served with a restraining order, it's not valid. He has to do more than just tell you. He can't keep you away from the kids or your own home just on his say-so.

This seems to be a trick that is getting more and more common. Is there a "mens rights" website that is recommending men get restraining orders and kidnap their kids now or something?

I'm so sorry he's pulling this crap on you. Get legal advice asap.
07-06-2005 02:10 PM
yaM yaM I am so sorry you're going through this, mama.

Just know, you don't have to explain or justify yourself in order to be supported, here. I and many others of us offer you unconditional support.



From what I can see, you're dealing with an abusive partner who is also taking advantage of your mental/emotional challenges; using them as weapons against you. That is very wrong. . . Very bad karma for him.
07-06-2005 01:26 PM
babybugmama
07-06-2005 01:24 PM
miranoron Oh my god. I am so, so sorry Raven. I can't even begin to imagine how horrible this is for you. You'll be in my thoughts.
07-06-2005 11:43 AM
Mommy StormRaven
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim
I don't get it. Doesn't a police report need to be filed in order to have a restraining order created?
not in a divorce case in Ohio.

Quote:
How have your children been affected (pre-meds) by your depression, psychosis, and rage disorder? Are they emotionally and physically well now?
frankly - I dont' know how they have been effected. Adam claims that they are always fearful of me and generally gravitate more to men than women - he blames this on me. I have never seen my kids be afraid of me, quite the opposite in fact, when they are scared they turn to me first.

Quote:
I am sorry for the turmoil in your life, and want to be supportive, but am feeling like there is more to this story than you are sharing.
forgive me if i dont' feel liek going into ther details of the emotional unavailability and abuse I have suffered at teh hands of my husband. or the fact that he fed my rage willingly by setting up the fire and lighting the match so to speak. I've been in therapy weekly since january, we have been in couples therapy for 2 years - he has NEVER put any effort into therapy - he always comes back and blames everything on me.

that good enough?
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